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Nervous about going to clubs
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By *andS OP Couple
over a year ago
Old London Town |
We were nervous about going to clubs when we first started, but purely because it was something new.
For us it's now how we prefer to interact with people.
For those who have not gone yet, why not?
Just interested is all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have a deep seated anxiety of being in crowded rooms full of strangers. It’s something that’ll stick with me.
Also, I can’t afford the costs involved right now. |
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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago
Milton keynes |
I love clubs. It's a great way to get to know people. Besides, there is no pressure to play at all. I do get the social anxiety but I glad I took the bullet and just went. Did a lot for my confidence thats for sure |
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My husband would love for us to go. I have huge issues over my weight at the moment so it’s a definite no, but even when I’m feeling a bit better about myself I have anxieties around being dressed down in public and not having the confidence to say no to people I’m not interested in |
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I've no real desire to go to a club but it would be something else to tick off the experience list.
However there is no club scene over here.
Until the end of last year there were only 2 clubs in the entire country and one of those had since closed. It may have been replaced in recent weeks but I'm not entirely sure.
Regardless of that they are only open one or two nights a month for events and are strictly invitation only with no walk ins allowed.
One of them also involves a 10 hour round trip so the whole experience isn't worth it to be honest. |
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By *andS OP Couple
over a year ago
Old London Town |
Anxiety is both understandable and a shame. You probably have a lot to offer and one way to look at it is others are missing out by not meeting such great people as you.
There not being one to go to at all is kind of - wow!
We moan about a three hour round trip to go to one of ours. And we thought we were hard done by.
Thanks for your responses so far... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I went and iv had ptsd ever since il never go to one ever again you spend half your time chopping away grabby hands that for me isnt what i call fun sorry this dragon is out |
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Hubby and I say the same thing guys. We really want to go but very anxious about feeling pressured. Our local club in melksham closed down unfortunately after covid.
We would ideally like to go with another couple for a bit of moral support! X |
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"Hubby and I say the same thing guys. We really want to go but very anxious about feeling pressured. Our local club in melksham closed down unfortunately after covid.
We would ideally like to go with another couple for a bit of moral support! X"
I've never been a club and felt pressure. I think your nearest might be club69 in Weston-super-Mare. Very friendly with great staff. |
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"Hubby and I say the same thing guys. We really want to go but very anxious about feeling pressured. Our local club in melksham closed down unfortunately after covid.
We would ideally like to go with another couple for a bit of moral support! X
I've never been a club and felt pressure. I think your nearest might be club69 in Weston-super-Mare. Very friendly with great staff."
Thank you for your reply! Is there not one closer that that? X |
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"Hubby and I say the same thing guys. We really want to go but very anxious about feeling pressured. Our local club in melksham closed down unfortunately after covid.
We would ideally like to go with another couple for a bit of moral support! X
I've never been a club and felt pressure. I think your nearest might be club69 in Weston-super-Mare. Very friendly with great staff.
Thank you for your reply! Is there not one closer that that? X"
Don't know. I'm in Scotland, but visited it last summer. Try looking in the club review section. That may help you form an impression of the venue and events on offer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We both like the idea of going to a club, but Cindy isn't as relaxed as myself so she's going with her friend to a females only night to check out a club and have a girly night. If she enjoys herself we will be going as a couple. |
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"I struggle with my anxiety and fear I will go and be alone all night and feel more like a loser.
As can tell I’ve lost all confidence in myself"
Most clubs have a host. They will introduce you to other singles and will show you around. Some clubs do have cliques, but, read the reviews as they are a good indicator of what the venue is like. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I attended Swindons Remix chaperoned by a couple who had invited me to join them for a drink.
I was really concerned I'd be seen as the creepy desperate male hanging around for anything on offer.
People were really friendly and it had the vibes of any club or pub you'd walk into.
Let's face it, you make an effort to chat and be sociable without sex being the focus of everything and you'll have fun.
Nerves? Absolutely, but isn't that half the thrill of all this? |
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"I really want to go to a club, just to see if it's my thing. But the thought of going alone always makes me talk myself out of it. Not sure why. But it does. "
I hear you fella. First one I went in, I was shitting bricks. As I said above, a host will guide you through, then just be yourself. If you're imagination makes you think it's a sausage fest, you're wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My husband would love for us to go. I have huge issues over my weight at the moment so it’s a definite no, but even when I’m feeling a bit better about myself I have anxieties around being dressed down in public and not having the confidence to say no to people I’m not interested in "
Please put that aside, and I know me saying it won't take away the way you feel about yourself. However, there are bodies of every shape and size at the clubs and certainly there is no pressure to play so having to think about telling someone no shouldn't be a worry anyone has. I hope at some point you get past your barriers and get out to a club, once done you will never look back. Take care x |
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
"We were nervous about going to clubs when we first started, but purely because it was something new.
For us it's now how we prefer to interact with people.
For those who have not gone yet, why not?
Just interested is all." . Before Covid19 and lockdown I use to attend a club by myself and I always had a good night because I treated it as a night out to a normal club or pub. I am hoping to return in the next couple of weeks but I am having some anxiety / nerves as it has been a 2 years since I last went.I think once I get in there I will be ok it’s just a case of biting the bullet and going after the first time I feel I will be ok |
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"My husband would love for us to go. I have huge issues over my weight at the moment so it’s a definite no, but even when I’m feeling a bit better about myself I have anxieties around being dressed down in public and not having the confidence to say no to people I’m not interested in
Please put that aside, and I know me saying it won't take away the way you feel about yourself. However, there are bodies of every shape and size at the clubs and certainly there is no pressure to play so having to think about telling someone no shouldn't be a worry anyone has. I hope at some point you get past your barriers and get out to a club, once done you will never look back. Take care x"
Reiterate this^. Nobody will judge you at all. I'm a complete minger, and I still get to chat. |
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I went to my first club visit on the 3rd of March at Cupids. I was supposed to be going with 2 people and they pulled out last minute. I decided to go alone and it’s the best decision of my life.
Cupids is dress down as well so the thought of sitting in a towel was terrifying to me. But the minute I stepped into the club it was amazing. Everyone is friendly and no body judges anyone at all.
I highly recommend anyone who hasn’t been to a club, to go as soon as possible. But be aware, it’s highly addicting lol.
You’ve got more chance of being judged in a weatherspoons, you’ve got more chance of arguing in a Joseph holts. These clubs are not like that at all and I guarantee after your first appearance you will be planning your next visit |
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"I really want to go to a club, just to see if it's my thing. But the thought of going alone always makes me talk myself out of it. Not sure why. But it does.
I hear you fella. First one I went in, I was shitting bricks. As I said above, a host will guide you through, then just be yourself. If you're imagination makes you think it's a sausage fest, you're wrong."
I appreciate the honest answer there. I'm curious just to see if it's my vibe and to maybe make some friends along the way I've got no expectations about what it would be like. Just never had the balls to go and check a night out on my own.. |
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"I really want to go to a club, just to see if it's my thing. But the thought of going alone always makes me talk myself out of it. Not sure why. But it does.
I hear you fella. First one I went in, I was shitting bricks. As I said above, a host will guide you through, then just be yourself. If you're imagination makes you think it's a sausage fest, you're wrong.
I appreciate the honest answer there. I'm curious just to see if it's my vibe and to maybe make some friends along the way I've got no expectations about what it would be like. Just never had the balls to go and check a night out on my own.. "
Ok, there's one near you, Heathrow way. It's kind open air, and a bit spa like, check it out, pick a day when single men are allowed and just go for it! |
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"I really want to go to a club, just to see if it's my thing. But the thought of going alone always makes me talk myself out of it. Not sure why. But it does.
I hear you fella. First one I went in, I was shitting bricks. As I said above, a host will guide you through, then just be yourself. If you're imagination makes you think it's a sausage fest, you're wrong.
I appreciate the honest answer there. I'm curious just to see if it's my vibe and to maybe make some friends along the way I've got no expectations about what it would be like. Just never had the balls to go and check a night out on my own..
Ok, there's one near you, Heathrow way. It's kind open air, and a bit spa like, check it out, pick a day when single men are allowed and just go for it!"
Nice one. What's it called. Its time to start exploring new worlds for me. |
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By * F 2018Couple
over a year ago
shropshire |
"My husband would love for us to go. I have huge issues over my weight at the moment so it’s a definite no, but even when I’m feeling a bit better about myself I have anxieties around being dressed down in public and not having the confidence to say no to people I’m not interested in "
I was exactly the same,but when you see people of all shapes and sizes it's good for confidence. It's surprising when you are there you would say no .
Know how you feel |
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"I really want to go to a club, just to see if it's my thing. But the thought of going alone always makes me talk myself out of it. Not sure why. But it does.
I hear you fella. First one I went in, I was shitting bricks. As I said above, a host will guide you through, then just be yourself. If you're imagination makes you think it's a sausage fest, you're wrong.
I appreciate the honest answer there. I'm curious just to see if it's my vibe and to maybe make some friends along the way I've got no expectations about what it would be like. Just never had the balls to go and check a night out on my own..
Ok, there's one near you, Heathrow way. It's kind open air, and a bit spa like, check it out, pick a day when single men are allowed and just go for it!
Nice one. What's it called. Its time to start exploring new worlds for me. "
Oh, there's one near you in Sunbury. Check out the club reviews on your home page. |
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"My husband would love for us to go. I have huge issues over my weight at the moment so it’s a definite no, but even when I’m feeling a bit better about myself I have anxieties around being dressed down in public and not having the confidence to say no to people I’m not interested in
I was exactly the same,but when you see people of all shapes and sizes it's good for confidence. It's surprising when you are there you would say no .
Know how you feel"
Nobody judges. It's good. |
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"I really want to go to a club, just to see if it's my thing. But the thought of going alone always makes me talk myself out of it. Not sure why. But it does.
I hear you fella. First one I went in, I was shitting bricks. As I said above, a host will guide you through, then just be yourself. If you're imagination makes you think it's a sausage fest, you're wrong.
I appreciate the honest answer there. I'm curious just to see if it's my vibe and to maybe make some friends along the way I've got no expectations about what it would be like. Just never had the balls to go and check a night out on my own..
Ok, there's one near you, Heathrow way. It's kind open air, and a bit spa like, check it out, pick a day when single men are allowed and just go for it!
Nice one. What's it called. Its time to start exploring new worlds for me.
Oh, there's one near you in Sunbury. Check out the club reviews on your home page."
Thanks. I'll check the reviews out.. Probably won't help me get over the fear. But it's a good start |
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"I really want to go to a club, just to see if it's my thing. But the thought of going alone always makes me talk myself out of it. Not sure why. But it does.
I hear you fella. First one I went in, I was shitting bricks. As I said above, a host will guide you through, then just be yourself. If you're imagination makes you think it's a sausage fest, you're wrong.
I appreciate the honest answer there. I'm curious just to see if it's my vibe and to maybe make some friends along the way I've got no expectations about what it would be like. Just never had the balls to go and check a night out on my own..
Ok, there's one near you, Heathrow way. It's kind open air, and a bit spa like, check it out, pick a day when single men are allowed and just go for it!
Nice one. What's it called. Its time to start exploring new worlds for me.
Oh, there's one near you in Sunbury. Check out the club reviews on your home page.
Thanks. I'll check the reviews out.. Probably won't help me get over the fear. But it's a good start "
Go, get naked, be yourself, you'll have fun! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've not been yet. Very much looking forward to it though.
I guess self conciousness maybe? I used to be, but not anymore, I killed him.
Still nervous but in a gooooood way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Max and I have been to a few clubs as a couple now. One last night in fact.
I introduced Max to clubs as I'd been to several on my own. We really enjoy them, much easier to meet than using fab where you're often plagued by time wasters.
We do though prefer clubs where you can wear clothes rather than a wet club where men are just in towels or shorts. I wouldn't have the confidence to be scantily dressed myself either.
My advice is pick the right club and don't have any expectations. People tend to be friendly and welcoming. If you play great but if you don't you'll have had a good night out anyway.
Ginge |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"My husband would love for us to go. I have huge issues over my weight at the moment so it’s a definite no, but even when I’m feeling a bit better about myself I have anxieties around being dressed down in public and not having the confidence to say no to people I’m not interested in "
Many clubs have a "Curvy" night, which will be designed for women with issues about their bodies. The ones I used to go to (sadly my regular club has stopped running them) were wonderful supportive positive nights. Everyone got to feel sexy. It's worth thinking about.
There are a lot of clubs that don't require you to dress down too. You can stay fully dressed in the social areas, and only strip down to play. Play can be in private rooms - you don't have to put on a show.
Not having the confidence to say no could be an issue though. Because people will ask. If you go with your husband and arrange a signal, he can do the refusing for you.
"Waiting on someone trustworthy to go with"
It's not uncommon for women to offer to accompany other women for their first times. Pick a club and a night, and post in here asking for company. I'm sure someone will help. Lots of women do go on their own, and have a great time. It's just getting over that scary first one.
I wouldn't go with a man that you don't already know and trust though. It would probably go OK, but there's always a chance it might not.
"I struggle with my anxiety and fear I will go and be alone all night and feel more like a loser."
I struggle with that too. I used the club as a place that I could safely push myself out of the anxiety, and made myself talk with people. It was hard and scary, but it worked. I've made some real friends there.
Go there expecting nothing to happen. Make yourself join in conversations (hot tub and smoking area are excellent places for this). Conversations can be about anything and everything. Put sex to the back of your mind and be a friendly non-pushy person who leaves others thinking you were worth meeting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am reasonably confident socially, but a club would be a million times out of my comfort zone. I’ve never done anything like it before."
Fancy a plus one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am reasonably confident socially, but a club would be a million times out of my comfort zone. I’ve never done anything like it before.
Fancy a plus one "
You’re miles away! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am reasonably confident socially, but a club would be a million times out of my comfort zone. I’ve never done anything like it before.
Fancy a plus one
You’re miles away!"
Well it wasn't a no |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"I am reasonably confident socially, but a club would be a million times out of my comfort zone. I’ve never done anything like it before."
Feel the fun of what it will feel like when you break that barrier.
Have fun and make it happen. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am reasonably confident socially, but a club would be a million times out of my comfort zone. I’ve never done anything like it before.
Feel the fun of what it will feel like when you break that barrier.
Have fun and make it happen."
I just don’t know if it’s really me though. Maybe one day I’ll check it all out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My husband would love for us to go. I have huge issues over my weight at the moment so it’s a definite no "
I know it won’t matter how much people reassure you but can I just say as someone who’s weight yo-yo’s massively, it would do wonders for your confidence.
I used to feel like you, that and me being an older woman too. I’m so glad I went, they are warm, welcoming places. There are bodies of all shapes and sizes. No one judges and there is never any pressure to play. You can stay in the social area and just have a drink and chat to people.
For anyone having any doubts, once you’ve been to a club you will want to keep going.
I can’t wait to get back now things are finally improving
Viv |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Waiting on someone trustworthy to go with x
How does one qualify as trustworthy?
I'm guessing by not having to ask how to be trustworthy for a start!! "
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This is where my naivety and inexperience becomes quite apparent: I still don't know what the overarching question is. I don't even know what a "club" is in the context of this thread...
I *presume* that when going to a club it's all about - playing with strangers? Walking around aimlessly with your genitalia on full display? Having sex in a private room with or without peep holes? Playing in dungeons or a cage (whatever that is)? Group sex? Doing the conga whilst your cock is spinning like a windmill? Having a fumble in a sauna?...
*IF* my interpretation is correct then it's not for me, personally speaking.
Where's the part where you meet someone and gain trust, sexual empathy? At what point do you establish chemistry, the sexual tension, the synergy, the mental connection? How and where do recognise sexual and emotive compatibility?
Or do you bypass all the above, find a relative stranger and fuck them unceremoniously?
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"This is where my naivety and inexperience becomes quite apparent: I still don't know what the overarching question is. I don't even know what a "club" is in the context of this thread...
I *presume* that when going to a club it's all about - playing with strangers? Walking around aimlessly with your genitalia on full display? Having sex in a private room with or without peep holes? Playing in dungeons or a cage (whatever that is)? Group sex? Doing the conga whilst your cock is spinning like a windmill? Having a fumble in a sauna?...
*IF* my interpretation is correct then it's not for me, personally speaking.
Where's the part where you meet someone and gain trust, sexual empathy? At what point do you establish chemistry, the sexual tension, the synergy, the mental connection? How and where do recognise sexual and emotive compatibility?
Or do you bypass all the above, find a relative stranger and fuck them unceremoniously?
"
Clubs have bars/social areas, dance floors, pool tables etc, many of which are in the "clothed" areas of clubs. That's where you do the bit you refer to. Some people use clubs as safe meeting venues for people they've previously decided they're compatible with. Etc. |
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"This is where my naivety and inexperience becomes quite apparent: I still don't know what the overarching question is. I don't even know what a "club" is in the context of this thread...
I *presume* that when going to a club it's all about - playing with strangers? Walking around aimlessly with your genitalia on full display? Having sex in a private room with or without peep holes? Playing in dungeons or a cage (whatever that is)? Group sex? Doing the conga whilst your cock is spinning like a windmill? Having a fumble in a sauna?...
*IF* my interpretation is correct then it's not for me, personally speaking.
Where's the part where you meet someone and gain trust, sexual empathy? At what point do you establish chemistry, the sexual tension, the synergy, the mental connection? How and where do recognise sexual and emotive compatibility?
Or do you bypass all the above, find a relative stranger and fuck them unceremoniously?
"
They do have a bar for a quick natter first They're not really for me either, couples or women they're fine for. |
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By *andS OP Couple
over a year ago
Old London Town |
"I really want to go to a club, just to see if it's my thing. But the thought of going alone always makes me talk myself out of it. Not sure why. But it does.
I hear you fella. First one I went in, I was shitting bricks. As I said above, a host will guide you through, then just be yourself. If you're imagination makes you think it's a sausage fest, you're wrong.
I appreciate the honest answer there. I'm curious just to see if it's my vibe and to maybe make some friends along the way I've got no expectations about what it would be like. Just never had the balls to go and check a night out on my own..
Ok, there's one near you, Heathrow way. It's kind open air, and a bit spa like, check it out, pick a day when single men are allowed and just go for it!
Nice one. What's it called. Its time to start exploring new worlds for me. "
I think the one mostly being referred to is AbFabs/Kestrels. It’s two venues in one, spa by day and club by night - when the events run.
For everyone on their own lots of clubs will introduce you to people and a good club should make sure there aren’t hands pressing against you and people pressurising you to join them.
If you’re fun and chatty you may well get asked to join someone, or a couple. That means you’re doing everything right. If it’s a couple you can always ask to just watch them.
Yes we had each other to play with, but playing with each other in the couples room was incredibly scary for us at first. Now we’re fine with it.
Finding the right club or party can really enhance your enjoyment of the scene. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is where my naivety and inexperience becomes quite apparent: I still don't know what the overarching question is. I don't even know what a "club" is in the context of this thread...
I *presume* that when going to a club it's all about - playing with strangers? Walking around aimlessly with your genitalia on full display? Having sex in a private room with or without peep holes? Playing in dungeons or a cage (whatever that is)? Group sex? Doing the conga whilst your cock is spinning like a windmill? Having a fumble in a sauna?...
*IF* my interpretation is correct then it's not for me, personally speaking.
Where's the part where you meet someone and gain trust, sexual empathy? At what point do you establish chemistry, the sexual tension, the synergy, the mental connection? How and where do recognise sexual and emotive compatibility?
Or do you bypass all the above, find a relative stranger and fuck them unceremoniously?
"
Love this post |
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By *andS OP Couple
over a year ago
Old London Town |
"I don’t purely because I wouldn’t know what to wear
Satin...
That narrows it down to 98% of my wardrobe atm "
S normally wears layers, and maybe a change. You’ll have some favourite lingerie, matching set, or body. That’s her bottom layer. Then there’s something to make her feel good, a favourite dress or outfit she feels sexy in. Then she has options about whether to pull off, or not. She also normally takes a lace neglige to wear over the lingerie as that’s what she’s most comfortable doing.
Satin needn’t come into it, neither should colour. Just wear what you’re going to feel comfortable in. |
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By *andS OP Couple
over a year ago
Old London Town |
"This is where my naivety and inexperience becomes quite apparent: I still don't know what the overarching question is. I don't even know what a "club" is in the context of this thread...
I *presume* that when going to a club it's all about - playing with strangers? Walking around aimlessly with your genitalia on full display? Having sex in a private room with or without peep holes? Playing in dungeons or a cage (whatever that is)? Group sex? Doing the conga whilst your cock is spinning like a windmill? Having a fumble in a sauna?...
*IF* my interpretation is correct then it's not for me, personally speaking.
Where's the part where you meet someone and gain trust, sexual empathy? At what point do you establish chemistry, the sexual tension, the synergy, the mental connection? How and where do recognise sexual and emotive compatibility?
Or do you bypass all the above, find a relative stranger and fuck them unceremoniously?
"
There are clubs where you can do just that, find a stranger and fuck them. If that’s not what you want then just chat. Treat it like any other night out. A chance to get out drink, dance - maybe - and meet people. Going expecting intimacy isn’t what we do. If it happens great, if not that’s great too. The most important thing is that we’ve gone out and had some fun doing it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Iwould love to go to a club, but I don't know of one near to me. One in Swindon I've heard mentioned but nothing closer. Even If only to say I have been to one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is where my naivety and inexperience becomes quite apparent: I still don't know what the overarching question is. I don't even know what a "club" is in the context of this thread...
I *presume* that when going to a club it's all about - playing with strangers? Walking around aimlessly with your genitalia on full display? Having sex in a private room with or without peep holes? Playing in dungeons or a cage (whatever that is)? Group sex? Doing the conga whilst your cock is spinning like a windmill? Having a fumble in a sauna?...
*IF* my interpretation is correct then it's not for me, personally speaking.
Where's the part where you meet someone and gain trust, sexual empathy? At what point do you establish chemistry, the sexual tension, the synergy, the mental connection? How and where do recognise sexual and emotive compatibility?
Or do you bypass all the above, find a relative stranger and fuck them unceremoniously?
"
For some, essentially yes - they don't need/want that connection. Obviously nothing wrong with that - each to their own. But as a couple of people have said, there are social areas and no pressure to play - I think it's a great way to meet like-minded people. And to go with a partner to be watched if that's your thing |
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By *rs BxxWoman
over a year ago
Chippenham, Wiltshire. |
"Hubby and I say the same thing guys. We really want to go but very anxious about feeling pressured. Our local club in melksham closed down unfortunately after covid.
We would ideally like to go with another couple for a bit of moral support! X
I've never been a club and felt pressure. I think your nearest might be club69 in Weston-super-Mare. Very friendly with great staff.
Thank you for your reply! Is there not one closer that that? X"
There's Swindon Swingers they have a couples event every month called WICKED, also a monthly social event. Everyone is very friendly. The club is ran by 3 lovely guys who go out of their way to make sure everyone is happy. |
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By *hor181Man
over a year ago
walsall |
I go to clubs in the Midlands, best one is Chameleons and people there don’t say how other people look, all shapes and sizes. You can just go and not play, just watch, don’t be pressurised to do anything you don’t want to. Just have fun |
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