FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Ending socials/dates early
Ending socials/dates early
Jump to: Newest in thread
You turn up and they don’t look like their pictures. Or something they do/say in the first 5 mins just puts you off
Do you keep it polite and give it an hour? Make the best of a bad situation and drop them a polite texting after saying your looking for something different?
Or maybe you text a friend to give you that SOS emergency call 15 mins in and make up an excuse to leave?
Or are you ruthless and just call them out and leave?
Had a situation last night and went with option 1 and I’m annoyed I can’t be more ruthless. Wasted an hour on something that should have been 3 minutes long because I’m too much of a wimp |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Depends on just how bad the situation is, have in the past just been blunt and say sorry not for me and left, others have stayed and actually enjoyed the meet. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I’ve got into a habit of setting an alarm on my phone for 30 mins after a first meet is due to start. If things are going well then I can just turn it off, but otherwise it gives me an opportunity to “take a phone call” and have to leave if required.
I do this for my own safety now after a previous incident where the couple I was meeting were far from what they advertised, and when I tried to politely decline the Male half got abusive and angry… so I try and avoid that now |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
Top tip if you’re in a Costa or Starbucks, etc. order your drink in a take away cup. That way if it’s not going well you can still take your drink.
If it’s going badly I’ll stay about 20-30 mins, make my excuses and leave. I’ll either tell them at the time or text them afterwards.
I was brutal with a guy from Pof I met who was older than his pic and a good few pounds heavier. He asked why I didn’t want to meet up again.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
It would entirely depend on the situation I think.
If it was looks, and we decided not to take things further, then we would likely stay and have a conversation for a while as its not just about fucking but meeting people.
If its something they said that didn’t sit right with us, then we would likely end it early.
I would only consider it a waste of our time if we actually had other things we could have been doing. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have spent time chatting over a coffee and then told them that I was not interested in taking it further.
On one occasion the reaction was rather a shock...he huffed tried to stand up but caught his flip flip on the table leg and fell on to my lap. Then he stormed out of the coffee shop, I was red with embarrassment as everyone was watching me and I very calmly pressed my phone and put it to my ear saying "yes I am on my way home" as I walked out.
NBVN x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I don’t want to be ruthless even if someone’s clearly using old/enhanced pics , there’s no need to damage them anymore. Plus I’ve gotten ready and gone out may as well give them an hour and try and enjoy the company. Who knows you might like them as a person even if you ain’t want sex.
But no matter how hot someone is, if they are arrogant or start gossiping about fabbers or slagging people off , I’m gone pretty quickly |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It's be nice talking to you but I'm not feeling the connection here, so it's best if we end it here for both our sakes. Thankyou though. - poilet but getting your point across.   |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Depends, usually a coffee .. short and sweet, I can usually manage alright and say no thanks afterwards
But yeah, a full on meal, if they put me off or whatever … I think I’d probably get a friend to somehow call me and get away from the situation |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You turn up and they don’t look like their pictures. Or something they do/say in the first 5 mins just puts you off
Do you keep it polite and give it an hour? Make the best of a bad situation and drop them a polite texting after saying your looking for something different?
Or maybe you text a friend to give you that SOS emergency call 15 mins in and make up an excuse to leave?
Or are you ruthless and just call them out and leave?
Had a situation last night and went with option 1 and I’m annoyed I can’t be more ruthless. Wasted an hour on something that should have been 3 minutes long because I’m too much of a wimp"
You were nice to give them more time than they deserved , you were only being yourself.l have been on meets here and in the real world where l knew after 15 seconds that it wouldn't go any further , the eyes tell it all ,but l had travelled a nice distance so l still had a bite to eat etc with them , a friendly hug at the end of things were enough.You can't win them all, it's just the way it is sometimes. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"You turn up and they don’t look like their pictures. Or something they do/say in the first 5 mins just puts you off
Do you keep it polite and give it an hour? Make the best of a bad situation and drop them a polite texting after saying your looking for something different?
Or maybe you text a friend to give you that SOS emergency call 15 mins in and make up an excuse to leave?
Or are you ruthless and just call them out and leave?
Had a situation last night and went with option 1 and I’m annoyed I can’t be more ruthless. Wasted an hour on something that should have been 3 minutes long because I’m too much of a wimp"
I’ve done this. Went for a meal. Knew instantly he wasn’t for me. Had to sit through the whole meal. I’ll only do coffee or a drink now. He wasn’t a horrible person I just didn’t take to him but I couldn’t just go. And he’d travelled quite a way. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I wish I had ended a recent one too. He made a judgemental comment about the waitress before I had even sat down. Instead I sat through an hour of him being increasingly unpleasant and criticising my parenting, voting choices and more. He walked out when I made a joke about swiping left on Tories. Cockwomble.
What I noticed was that instead of reacting to his comments, I was just trying to "keep things calm". Perhaps it's just a people pleasing behaviour Thicc but - I'd be more ruthless next time. For sure. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You turn up and they don’t look like their pictures. Or something they do/say in the first 5 mins just puts you off
Do you keep it polite and give it an hour? Make the best of a bad situation and drop them a polite texting after saying your looking for something different?
Or maybe you text a friend to give you that SOS emergency call 15 mins in and make up an excuse to leave?
Or are you ruthless and just call them out and leave?
Had a situation last night and went with option 1 and I’m annoyed I can’t be more ruthless. Wasted an hour on something that should have been 3 minutes long because I’m too much of a wimp
I’ve done this. Went for a meal. Knew instantly he wasn’t for me. Had to sit through the whole meal. I’ll only do coffee or a drink now. He wasn’t a horrible person I just didn’t take to him but I couldn’t just go. And he’d travelled quite a way. "
God that’s horrible when you are a nice person and just know they travelled a long way so you feel guilty … urgh |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It would depend and OP, you're not alone in continuing to spend time with someone! If I felt abused, by deception, I'd probably stay upto 5 minutes but I'm unsure I'd not be a little rude. I've walked away after a couple of exchanges. There's almost always some good, positive things about others, so it's not spending time that's awful. That said, time is precious.
Always having alternative things to do, means that finding unexpected free time can be exciting  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago
Bognor Regis |
"You turn up and they don’t look like their pictures. Or something they do/say in the first 5 mins just puts you off
Do you keep it polite and give it an hour? Make the best of a bad situation and drop them a polite texting after saying your looking for something different?
Or maybe you text a friend to give you that SOS emergency call 15 mins in and make up an excuse to leave?
Or are you ruthless and just call them out and leave?
Had a situation last night and went with option 1 and I’m annoyed I can’t be more ruthless. Wasted an hour on something that should have been 3 minutes long because I’m too much of a wimp"
I don't think that makes you a wimp- it makes you the sort of decent person who stays true to themselves, but doesn't want to be unkind or hurt someone's feelings. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
I think you done the right thing. There's no harm in spending an hour with someone. That said if I'm meeting someone for a coffee and I'm 90% sure it's not going to work I'll have a cold drink! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"You turn up and they don’t look like their pictures. Or something they do/say in the first 5 mins just puts you off
Do you keep it polite and give it an hour? Make the best of a bad situation and drop them a polite texting after saying your looking for something different?
Or maybe you text a friend to give you that SOS emergency call 15 mins in and make up an excuse to leave?
Or are you ruthless and just call them out and leave?
Had a situation last night and went with option 1 and I’m annoyed I can’t be more ruthless. Wasted an hour on something that should have been 3 minutes long because I’m too much of a wimp
I’ve done this. Went for a meal. Knew instantly he wasn’t for me. Had to sit through the whole meal. I’ll only do coffee or a drink now. He wasn’t a horrible person I just didn’t take to him but I couldn’t just go. And he’d travelled quite a way.
God that’s horrible when you are a nice person and just know they travelled a long way so you feel guilty … urgh "
It wasn’t the end of the world just a bit uncomfortable. Taught me a lesson though I guess haha xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Let's be honest, we all post pics that of us looking our best, best angles etc.
But if someone looks very different to their pics can be a shock.
Never go for dinner, always just a quick coffee or drink. Short and sweet.
We met a couple that weren't for us, just sent a polite message after saying not for us.
Mrs x
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I just picture myself in their shoes. A girl walks in, looks at me and says “not for me” and walks out
Is it the best thing in the long run? Probably yes
Is it going to destroy my soul a little bit there and then? Absolutely
I don’t want to do that to someone. But I can’t help but feel I should be a little more ruthless/assertive. Especially when they look nothing like their pics. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I wish I had ended a recent one too. He made a judgemental comment about the waitress before I had even sat down. Instead I sat through an hour of him being increasingly unpleasant and criticising my parenting, voting choices and more. He walked out when I made a joke about swiping left on Tories. Cockwomble.
What I noticed was that instead of reacting to his comments, I was just trying to "keep things calm". Perhaps it's just a people pleasing behaviour Thicc but - I'd be more ruthless next time. For sure. "
Don't feel bad. Women are 'taught' from a young age that we shouldn't piss men off. Some will be ok. Some will turn nasty. It's not worth the risk. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"At the end of the day ino were all on here for the same thing but would u really fuck someone u didn't like
Especially wen ur catfished ino I wouldn't "
I don’t think he’s talking about fucking someone though. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I wish I had ended a recent one too. He made a judgemental comment about the waitress before I had even sat down. Instead I sat through an hour of him being increasingly unpleasant and criticising my parenting, voting choices and more. He walked out when I made a joke about swiping left on Tories. Cockwomble.
What I noticed was that instead of reacting to his comments, I was just trying to "keep things calm". Perhaps it's just a people pleasing behaviour Thicc but - I'd be more ruthless next time. For sure. "
It’s one thing I’m thankful as a guy for. I don’t have to worry about keeping things calm or worrying about aggression
What an awful thing to experience as a woman. Having to sit through it for fear of aggression or anger.
It’s something I take for granted until I hear stories from women.
Sorry to hear that happened, sounds awful. Even the content itself. 1st dates are for making each other giggle while you try to undress each other with your eyes, not for judging politics or parenting. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I just picture myself in their shoes. A girl walks in, looks at me and says “not for me” and walks out
Is it the best thing in the long run? Probably yes
Is it going to destroy my soul a little bit there and then? Absolutely
I don’t want to do that to someone. But I can’t help but feel I should be a little more ruthless/assertive. Especially when they look nothing like their pics. "
Did they look nothing like their pics? Like could you see some of her on the pics or?
Also, out of curiosity, how did you end it? Did u message to tell her she’s not for u? Or did u block and moved on? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I wish I had ended a recent one too. He made a judgemental comment about the waitress before I had even sat down. Instead I sat through an hour of him being increasingly unpleasant and criticising my parenting, voting choices and more. He walked out when I made a joke about swiping left on Tories. Cockwomble.
What I noticed was that instead of reacting to his comments, I was just trying to "keep things calm". Perhaps it's just a people pleasing behaviour Thicc but - I'd be more ruthless next time. For sure.
Don't feel bad. Women are 'taught' from a young age that we shouldn't piss men off. Some will be ok. Some will turn nasty. It's not worth the risk. "
Christ that's so depressing. There's people pleasing and not wanting to hurt their feelings which I think can be men or women. But yeah, I felt like I was calming him down without thinking - a gut instinct. I am pissed that HE walked out on me after being a total douche. But it's a great story, I will admit.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I just picture myself in their shoes. A girl walks in, looks at me and says “not for me” and walks out
Is it the best thing in the long run? Probably yes
Is it going to destroy my soul a little bit there and then? Absolutely
I don’t want to do that to someone. But I can’t help but feel I should be a little more ruthless/assertive. Especially when they look nothing like their pics. "
If someone looked 20 years older, 20 stone heavier, or entirely a different person to the pics they sent I'd ask them why they sent those pics. Depending on their response I might stay and chat a while.
They are a person, not sex meat.
I only ever meet for coffee anyway, not a meal. Half an hour travel at most. They might take one look at me and leave. I'd still finish my coffee. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I do stay for a drink and a chat, but am clear before leaving that is all it was.
It’s rare it happens, as I don’t get much free time, we’ve probably talked quite a bit before meeting. Some I’ll jokingly say when arriving ‘so is there just one exit from here’ or beforehand, it’s an ice breaker. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I wish I had ended a recent one too. He made a judgemental comment about the waitress before I had even sat down. Instead I sat through an hour of him being increasingly unpleasant and criticising my parenting, voting choices and more. He walked out when I made a joke about swiping left on Tories. Cockwomble.
What I noticed was that instead of reacting to his comments, I was just trying to "keep things calm". Perhaps it's just a people pleasing behaviour Thicc but - I'd be more ruthless next time. For sure.
It’s one thing I’m thankful as a guy for. I don’t have to worry about keeping things calm or worrying about aggression
What an awful thing to experience as a woman. Having to sit through it for fear of aggression or anger.
It’s something I take for granted until I hear stories from women.
Sorry to hear that happened, sounds awful. Even the content itself. 1st dates are for making each other giggle while you try to undress each other with your eyes, not for judging politics or parenting. "
I'm a bit gobsmacked now as I've only just realised that I calmed him down for that reason. He kept getting irate. And if I disagreed he got more irate. But I held my ground, just like I do on here. Yes I agree - god knows why he kept steering things to politics. I've never talked about them on a date/meet before. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I wish I had ended a recent one too. He made a judgemental comment about the waitress before I had even sat down. Instead I sat through an hour of him being increasingly unpleasant and criticising my parenting, voting choices and more. He walked out when I made a joke about swiping left on Tories. Cockwomble.
What I noticed was that instead of reacting to his comments, I was just trying to "keep things calm". Perhaps it's just a people pleasing behaviour Thicc but - I'd be more ruthless next time. For sure.
Don't feel bad. Women are 'taught' from a young age that we shouldn't piss men off. Some will be ok. Some will turn nasty. It's not worth the risk.
Christ that's so depressing. There's people pleasing and not wanting to hurt their feelings which I think can be men or women. But yeah, I felt like I was calming him down without thinking - a gut instinct. I am pissed that HE walked out on me after being a total douche. But it's a great story, I will admit. "
Don't be pissed off. *You* pissed him off with your terrible parenting skills and poor political views. Take pride in that!
If someone was judging me in that way I'd just lay it on even thicker to piss them off more.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I just picture myself in their shoes. A girl walks in, looks at me and says “not for me” and walks out
Is it the best thing in the long run? Probably yes
Is it going to destroy my soul a little bit there and then? Absolutely
I don’t want to do that to someone. But I can’t help but feel I should be a little more ruthless/assertive. Especially when they look nothing like their pics. "
But if you've travelled, an hour of your time isnt gonna be the end of the World , like l said in previous post l knew after 15 seconds it wasn't gonna go any further but after traveling the night was where it was.( Just to say sometimes the woman was polite ,it wasn't all one way )  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I just picture myself in their shoes. A girl walks in, looks at me and says “not for me” and walks out
Is it the best thing in the long run? Probably yes
Is it going to destroy my soul a little bit there and then? Absolutely
I don’t want to do that to someone. But I can’t help but feel I should be a little more ruthless/assertive. Especially when they look nothing like their pics.
Did they look nothing like their pics? Like could you see some of her on the pics or?
Also, out of curiosity, how did you end it? Did u message to tell her she’s not for u? Or did u block and moved on?"
Nothing like their pictures. I could recognise the face barely but these pictures must have been a half decade old with filters
I just messaged her this morning that I had a great time but I didn’t feel a romantic connection and wished her all the best |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I do stay for a drink and a chat, but am clear before leaving that is all it was.
It’s rare it happens, as I don’t get much free time, we’ve probably talked quite a bit before meeting. Some I’ll jokingly say when arriving ‘so is there just one exit from here’ or beforehand, it’s an ice breaker. "
That's the only way to do it ,if it ain't there it ain't there |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You turn up and they don’t look like their pictures. Or something they do/say in the first 5 mins just puts you off
Do you keep it polite and give it an hour? Make the best of a bad situation and drop them a polite texting after saying your looking for something different?
Or maybe you text a friend to give you that SOS emergency call 15 mins in and make up an excuse to leave?
Or are you ruthless and just call them out and leave?
Had a situation last night and went with option 1 and I’m annoyed I can’t be more ruthless. Wasted an hour on something that should have been 3 minutes long because I’m too much of a wimp"
I do the same guess I’m a bit of a wimp. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I wish I had ended a recent one too. He made a judgemental comment about the waitress before I had even sat down. Instead I sat through an hour of him being increasingly unpleasant and criticising my parenting, voting choices and more. He walked out when I made a joke about swiping left on Tories. Cockwomble.
What I noticed was that instead of reacting to his comments, I was just trying to "keep things calm". Perhaps it's just a people pleasing behaviour Thicc but - I'd be more ruthless next time. For sure.
Don't feel bad. Women are 'taught' from a young age that we shouldn't piss men off. Some will be ok. Some will turn nasty. It's not worth the risk.
Christ that's so depressing. There's people pleasing and not wanting to hurt their feelings which I think can be men or women. But yeah, I felt like I was calming him down without thinking - a gut instinct. I am pissed that HE walked out on me after being a total douche. But it's a great story, I will admit.
Don't be pissed off. *You* pissed him off with your terrible parenting skills and poor political views. Take pride in that!
If someone was judging me in that way I'd just lay it on even thicker to piss them off more. "
I guess I did. But I was just being straightforward. He told me I should vote for the party which served my personal interests best but I don't vote that way. I disagreed and he got so cross. So strange. The weirdest thing was the rant at the end when he stood up. All I caught was "I own three houses". I think that was to remind me of what I was missing out on. Makes me giggle. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I just picture myself in their shoes. A girl walks in, looks at me and says “not for me” and walks out
Is it the best thing in the long run? Probably yes
Is it going to destroy my soul a little bit there and then? Absolutely
I don’t want to do that to someone. But I can’t help but feel I should be a little more ruthless/assertive. Especially when they look nothing like their pics.
Did they look nothing like their pics? Like could you see some of her on the pics or?
Also, out of curiosity, how did you end it? Did u message to tell her she’s not for u? Or did u block and moved on?
Nothing like their pictures. I could recognise the face barely but these pictures must have been a half decade old with filters
I just messaged her this morning that I had a great time but I didn’t feel a romantic connection and wished her all the best "
At least you were polite about it, some people wouldn't even message. Credit to you for being a gent |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You turn up and they don’t look like their pictures. Or something they do/say in the first 5 mins just puts you off
Do you keep it polite and give it an hour? Make the best of a bad situation and drop them a polite texting after saying your looking for something different?
Or maybe you text a friend to give you that SOS emergency call 15 mins in and make up an excuse to leave?
Or are you ruthless and just call them out and leave?
Had a situation last night and went with option 1 and I’m annoyed I can’t be more ruthless. Wasted an hour on something that should have been 3 minutes long because I’m too much of a wimp
I do the same guess I’m a bit of a wimp. "
I think it's just being kind. Not a wimp. Either of you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I just picture myself in their shoes. A girl walks in, looks at me and says “not for me” and walks out
Is it the best thing in the long run? Probably yes
Is it going to destroy my soul a little bit there and then? Absolutely
I don’t want to do that to someone. But I can’t help but feel I should be a little more ruthless/assertive. Especially when they look nothing like their pics.
Did they look nothing like their pics? Like could you see some of her on the pics or?
Also, out of curiosity, how did you end it? Did u message to tell her she’s not for u? Or did u block and moved on?
Nothing like their pictures. I could recognise the face barely but these pictures must have been a half decade old with filters
I just messaged her this morning that I had a great time but I didn’t feel a romantic connection and wished her all the best "
…Had a great time, you liar 
I do wonder tho, for those who really don’t look like their pics at all, don’t you think they kinda need to be told? Like for real tho x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I wish I had ended a recent one too. He made a judgemental comment about the waitress before I had even sat down. Instead I sat through an hour of him being increasingly unpleasant and criticising my parenting, voting choices and more. He walked out when I made a joke about swiping left on Tories. Cockwomble.
What I noticed was that instead of reacting to his comments, I was just trying to "keep things calm". Perhaps it's just a people pleasing behaviour Thicc but - I'd be more ruthless next time. For sure.
Don't feel bad. Women are 'taught' from a young age that we shouldn't piss men off. Some will be ok. Some will turn nasty. It's not worth the risk.
Christ that's so depressing. There's people pleasing and not wanting to hurt their feelings which I think can be men or women. But yeah, I felt like I was calming him down without thinking - a gut instinct. I am pissed that HE walked out on me after being a total douche. But it's a great story, I will admit.
Don't be pissed off. *You* pissed him off with your terrible parenting skills and poor political views. Take pride in that!
If someone was judging me in that way I'd just lay it on even thicker to piss them off more.
I guess I did. But I was just being straightforward. He told me I should vote for the party which served my personal interests best but I don't vote that way. I disagreed and he got so cross. So strange. The weirdest thing was the rant at the end when he stood up. All I caught was "I own three houses". I think that was to remind me of what I was missing out on. Makes me giggle. "
I couldn't care less if he owned 33 houses , he was a tosser , his personality showed that , you were lucky . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I just picture myself in their shoes. A girl walks in, looks at me and says “not for me” and walks out
Is it the best thing in the long run? Probably yes
Is it going to destroy my soul a little bit there and then? Absolutely
I don’t want to do that to someone. But I can’t help but feel I should be a little more ruthless/assertive. Especially when they look nothing like their pics.
Did they look nothing like their pics? Like could you see some of her on the pics or?
Also, out of curiosity, how did you end it? Did u message to tell her she’s not for u? Or did u block and moved on?
Nothing like their pictures. I could recognise the face barely but these pictures must have been a half decade old with filters
I just messaged her this morning that I had a great time but I didn’t feel a romantic connection and wished her all the best
…Had a great time, you liar
I do wonder tho, for those who really don’t look like their pics at all, don’t you think they kinda need to be told? Like for real tho x"
Good question tbh...what do you do ?? Tell them or not .. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I just picture myself in their shoes. A girl walks in, looks at me and says “not for me” and walks out
Is it the best thing in the long run? Probably yes
Is it going to destroy my soul a little bit there and then? Absolutely
I don’t want to do that to someone. But I can’t help but feel I should be a little more ruthless/assertive. Especially when they look nothing like their pics.
Did they look nothing like their pics? Like could you see some of her on the pics or?
Also, out of curiosity, how did you end it? Did u message to tell her she’s not for u? Or did u block and moved on?
Nothing like their pictures. I could recognise the face barely but these pictures must have been a half decade old with filters
I just messaged her this morning that I had a great time but I didn’t feel a romantic connection and wished her all the best
…Had a great time, you liar
I do wonder tho, for those who really don’t look like their pics at all, don’t you think they kinda need to be told? Like for real tho x"
The thing is, I’m a Chatty Cathy. I genuinely did have a great time. Just because I don’t physically fancy someone doesn’t mean I can’t make it a fun hour and talk shit and make her laugh and have fun.
Which sometimes I do wonder, is that a double edged sword? Is having a great time potentially leading her on a bit? Did she see that text this morning and think “I don’t get it, we had a great time”. That makes me sad thinking she might be upset or confused about it
But that’s just who I am. I’m not just gonna make an hour boring. I’m gonna try enjoy myself. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I've met a couple of men who sent out of date pics. I had a quick coffee with them ,which lasted about 10 or 15 minutes then I told them sorry I wasn't interested in meeting them again both asked why and I told them they had blantantly lied to meet me by sending those pics.Both agreed they did and sure it got a meet so what harm,one even said he had been told the same by the last woman he met but we shouldn't be so fussy it was still him. I walked away. I didn't block him and a couple of months later he was messaging me again wanting me to meet him for sex,he got blocked then. But last time I looked on my block list he still has those pics up.
Now I'd probably say it straight away and not even waste time having coffee and a chat. If someone can't meet by just being themselves I don't see the point anymore in me wasting time chatting to them.
Its different if there is no chemistry when I meet I don't mind having a chat then and just saying before we part ways it was nice to meet them but I don't think it would go farther.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I just picture myself in their shoes. A girl walks in, looks at me and says “not for me” and walks out
Is it the best thing in the long run? Probably yes
Is it going to destroy my soul a little bit there and then? Absolutely
I don’t want to do that to someone. But I can’t help but feel I should be a little more ruthless/assertive. Especially when they look nothing like their pics.
Did they look nothing like their pics? Like could you see some of her on the pics or?
Also, out of curiosity, how did you end it? Did u message to tell her she’s not for u? Or did u block and moved on?
Nothing like their pictures. I could recognise the face barely but these pictures must have been a half decade old with filters
I just messaged her this morning that I had a great time but I didn’t feel a romantic connection and wished her all the best
…Had a great time, you liar
I do wonder tho, for those who really don’t look like their pics at all, don’t you think they kinda need to be told? Like for real tho x
The thing is, I’m a Chatty Cathy. I genuinely did have a great time. Just because I don’t physically fancy someone doesn’t mean I can’t make it a fun hour and talk shit and make her laugh and have fun.
Which sometimes I do wonder, is that a double edged sword? Is having a great time potentially leading her on a bit? Did she see that text this morning and think “I don’t get it, we had a great time”. That makes me sad thinking she might be upset or confused about it
But that’s just who I am. I’m not just gonna make an hour boring. I’m gonna try enjoy myself. "
You sometimes get shit on the forums for being abrupt but I knew you really have a heart! 
I think what you said about no romantic connection was the perfect thing to say. You did have a great time. People can be decent to each other. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"You turn up and they don’t look like their pictures. Or something they do/say in the first 5 mins just puts you off
Do you keep it polite and give it an hour? Make the best of a bad situation and drop them a polite texting after saying your looking for something different?
Or maybe you text a friend to give you that SOS emergency call 15 mins in and make up an excuse to leave?
Or are you ruthless and just call them out and leave?
Had a situation last night and went with option 1 and I’m annoyed I can’t be more ruthless. Wasted an hour on something that should have been 3 minutes long because I’m too much of a wimp
I don't think that makes you a wimp- it makes you the sort of decent person who stays true to themselves, but doesn't want to be unkind or hurt someone's feelings."
Exactly this, that said I have left a date before within 5 minutes as she was really quite passive aggressive and not my cup of tea |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *hloetTV/TS
over a year ago
Nottingham |
Depends - if I wasn't attracted to them I'd still stay have a chat and get to know them a little. Wouldn't want to upset them so I'd probably just say thanks for meeting. If they get in touch after, I'd let them know I wasn't attracted. Although sometimes that's hard to do. So I'd probably say something weak like "I think we should be friends".
If I found them rude, judgey or obnoxious I'd be a lot more blunt about. You can't help the way you look and everyone is going to try and make a selfie look as good as possible. Manners should be a given. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I'd have thought that no thinking adult goes on a 'blind' date expecting perfection to be thrown at their feet. That being said doesn't mean that people should lower their standards and get on with it.
I would always stay at least long enough to drink a coffee or have two coffees ...
I'd always thank them for coming and always say i'd enjoyed their company.
I always meet , having told them that the meet is a reccy and no more - unless....... most of the time sex happens and that's because I NEVER have and NEVER will meet on the strength of one picture....... amen to me and all the silhouette haters. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've met a couple of men who sent out of date pics. I had a quick coffee with them ,which lasted about 10 or 15 minutes then I told them sorry I wasn't interested in meeting them again both asked why and I told them they had blantantly lied to meet me by sending those pics.Both agreed they did and sure it got a meet so what harm,one even said he had been told the same by the last woman he met but we shouldn't be so fussy it was still him. I walked away. I didn't block him and a couple of months later he was messaging me again wanting me to meet him for sex,he got blocked then. But last time I looked on my block list he still has those pics up.
Now I'd probably say it straight away and not even waste time having coffee and a chat. If someone can't meet by just being themselves I don't see the point anymore in me wasting time chatting to them.
Its different if there is no chemistry when I meet I don't mind having a chat then and just saying before we part ways it was nice to meet them but I don't think it would go farther.
"
Thats terrible, It just makes me wonder what goes on in peoples mind when they send very outdated pics and then just show up to a meet looking absolutely nothing like the pics. Like whyyyy lawddd whyyy |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I'd probably be polite and just stick it out because maybe there's a friendship. I've experienced the ranting/irate behaviour that Inconceivable described above and I've always tried to diffuse and calm. Not sure why. Then felt guilty that I wanted to leave.
If the photos were really different, I'd still stick it out. By the time I'm meeting someone, I've probably sent them a few hundred messages. Might as well. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I (Mr) can be quite blunt. Luckily we haven’t had to do anything like this but if someone looked different to their pics I’d tell them straight away and leave. It’s not impolite or rude if they’ve lied just to get a meet.
On the other hand if there was just no connection or they were a bit of a tool we’d probably stay 20 minutes and then leave. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"Normally I can find neutral ground conversation so I would stay for the hour and make it perfectly clear at the end that we wouldn't be any more than friends."
This for me too. Just because I might not find them attractive I might still enjoy their company.
Besides which, I don’t get out much! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If it's just a social why not just enjoy the hour meeting someone new? It could be very interesting however they look. If you've been daft enough to arrange to meet for sex without a social first then that's different, and probably your own fault! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If it's just a social why not just enjoy the hour meeting someone new? It could be very interesting however they look. If you've been daft enough to arrange to meet for sex without a social first then that's different, and probably your own fault! "
Not everyone had the luxury of unlimited spare time for socials. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Have actually done this the other way round with a POF meet.
Had been chatting to a woman on there for a few days, she was local so we decided to meet at hers. Although it was to a porn meet!!! As in straight away we would basically act own a pre determined scene.
So I arrive, she lets me in and offers me a cup of tea…..at this point I was to approach her from behind turn her round and pull her sports leggings down….get on my hands and knees and start to lick her….etc etc ended up fucking on the kitchen table.
However afterward…..during an actual cup of tea….we had absolutely nothing in common and didn’t really get on at all, stayed for 30 mins of so but we both clearly weren’t going to get on!!
We never spoke again! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I don't think that makes you a wimp, OP.
I've never had a social where the person looks nothing like the pics or has straight up lied about something. I think if I did, I'd tell them why, then go.
I have had socials where I have known pretty quickly I'm not getting the vibe. Interestingly it's never been purely on looks, but more on having a spark, making that connection. I've had a cuppa and chatted then said "sorry, I'm not feeling a connection". Has always been OK.
I also had an unusual social where we got on really well and spent a couple of hours together. The trouble was, he was in a bit of a difficult place in life, and I knew because we'd connected that if we met again I'd be wanting to know how things were etc etc and that's not what I'm looking for from fab meets. So I told him that at the end, and he was very understanding. We have kept in occasional touch and things have changed for both of us, so a meet is back on the agenda.
I think you just have to be straight with folk, without being harsh.
Mrs TMN x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It depends on the circumstances.
If they’re just not for me, but seem like a decent person I’ll stay and chat.
If they’re not what they said, but I feel safe to do so then I’ll just leave.
Generally though after a very bad/scary experience I leave solo socials (different of its meeting with my partner) saying I’ve had a nice time and I’ll message later. Even if I haven’t had a nice time and my skin is crawling. It’s just safer that way (I ended up with bruising and the bar stating they’d keep the CCTV in case I reported a guy to the police once). |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago
cognito |
Haven’t had a meet where I had to bow out early. I have been in the other end of it though and it wasn’t said at the end that he wasn’t interested. He kept me hanging on for about a week after until he finally had the balls to answer me with a no.
So based on that experience I’d rather just be told in the first few minutes so I don’t waste more time on something with no value.
If you can’t be open and upfront in this lifestyle then there’s no hope for you in the rest of your journey here and you’ll be continually disappointed. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I have a female friend who was waiting in a pub. Guy came in. Made some excuse about leaving his wallet in the car. Went to get it and never came back. That’s just rude.
I’ve met some lovely people who I knew from the start I didn’t fancy. Two of them have gone on to be my best friends.
I’ve met people who don’t fancy me too. Lots.
I have had interesting conversations with everyone I’ve met. Give them an hour at least. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I have a female friend who was waiting in a pub. Guy came in. Made some excuse about leaving his wallet in the car. Went to get it and never came back. That’s just rude.
I’ve met some lovely people who I knew from the start I didn’t fancy. Two of them have gone on to be my best friends.
I’ve met people who don’t fancy me too. Lots.
I have had interesting conversations with everyone I’ve met. Give them an hour at least. "
You only gave me 32 minutes …  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have a few exit strategies. When I'm meeting someone new, I always tell them I have to leave early so the expectation is that I'll be leaving after an hour. If it goes well, I can admit I don't have to go. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I message them when I get home to say I didn't feel a connection. If their pics are innacurate, I would mention that they should update them. And if it was on here and their pics were old, I wouldn't verify them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I wish I had ended a recent one too. He made a judgemental comment about the waitress before I had even sat down. Instead I sat through an hour of him being increasingly unpleasant and criticising my parenting, voting choices and more. He walked out when I made a joke about swiping left on Tories. Cockwomble.
What I noticed was that instead of reacting to his comments, I was just trying to "keep things calm". Perhaps it's just a people pleasing behaviour Thicc but - I'd be more ruthless next time. For sure.
Don't feel bad. Women are 'taught' from a young age that we shouldn't piss men off. Some will be ok. Some will turn nasty. It's not worth the risk. "
As a man, I feel quite disturbed that ladies are being taught not to piss a man off, or he'll get angry. It doesn't say much for my fellow men, and personally, I've never felt the need to assault any woman. We're not all animals  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *scarpatMan
over a year ago
sexy town |
For me, if it obvious they used the beauty filter I tend to ask for one without and be honest why..I have been ghosted before and it's not nice.
*Side note I find it funny when the beauty filter is on when they take a photo of their undercarriage and theres no wrinkles around the a-hole! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I have a female friend who was waiting in a pub. Guy came in. Made some excuse about leaving his wallet in the car. Went to get it and never came back. That’s just rude.
I’ve met some lovely people who I knew from the start I didn’t fancy. Two of them have gone on to be my best friends.
I’ve met people who don’t fancy me too. Lots.
I have had interesting conversations with everyone I’ve met. Give them an hour at least.
You only gave me 32 minutes … "
To be fair it was a lot longer than that. At least two drinks. What are you doing one night this summer. Lol  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It's always going to be really awkward!
I've never had it when they've not looked like their pics, but lots of times there's just not been the connection.
If they don't contact me after, they obviously felt the same.
Or I'll just let them know that I didn't think we were compatible/I don't wish to take things any further.
At least you didn't just ghost her, that's much worse. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
I'd probably stay for a drink or cuppa then make my excuses.
If the vibe is right I'll say something about them looking very different from their photo, but, if I still like the look of them and have enjoyed their company I might stay longer or see them for something more.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I wish I had ended a recent one too. He made a judgemental comment about the waitress before I had even sat down. Instead I sat through an hour of him being increasingly unpleasant and criticising my parenting, voting choices and more. He walked out when I made a joke about swiping left on Tories. Cockwomble.
What I noticed was that instead of reacting to his comments, I was just trying to "keep things calm". Perhaps it's just a people pleasing behaviour Thicc but - I'd be more ruthless next time. For sure.
Don't feel bad. Women are 'taught' from a young age that we shouldn't piss men off. Some will be ok. Some will turn nasty. It's not worth the risk.
As a man, I feel quite disturbed that ladies are being taught not to piss a man off, or he'll get angry. It doesn't say much for my fellow men, and personally, I've never felt the need to assault any woman. We're not all animals "
A happy man can turn nasty if a woman says the wrong thing. We don't know which men would turn nasty and which would just politely smile and leave as friends. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I just picture myself in their shoes. A girl walks in, looks at me and says “not for me” and walks out
Is it the best thing in the long run? Probably yes
Is it going to destroy my soul a little bit there and then? Absolutely
I don’t want to do that to someone. But I can’t help but feel I should be a little more ruthless/assertive. Especially when they look nothing like their pics.
Did they look nothing like their pics? Like could you see some of her on the pics or?
Also, out of curiosity, how did you end it? Did u message to tell her she’s not for u? Or did u block and moved on?
Nothing like their pictures. I could recognise the face barely but these pictures must have been a half decade old with filters
I just messaged her this morning that I had a great time but I didn’t feel a romantic connection and wished her all the best "
top guy  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I wish I had ended a recent one too. He made a judgemental comment about the waitress before I had even sat down. Instead I sat through an hour of him being increasingly unpleasant and criticising my parenting, voting choices and more. He walked out when I made a joke about swiping left on Tories. Cockwomble.
What I noticed was that instead of reacting to his comments, I was just trying to "keep things calm". Perhaps it's just a people pleasing behaviour Thicc but - I'd be more ruthless next time. For sure.
Don't feel bad. Women are 'taught' from a young age that we shouldn't piss men off. Some will be ok. Some will turn nasty. It's not worth the risk.
As a man, I feel quite disturbed that ladies are being taught not to piss a man off, or he'll get angry. It doesn't say much for my fellow men, and personally, I've never felt the need to assault any woman. We're not all animals
A happy man can turn nasty if a woman says the wrong thing. We don't know which men would turn nasty and which would just politely smile and leave as friends."
That makes me sad.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard "
That’s a tricky one because a lot of women don’t advertise they have kids because if they do they can then be targeted by folks after them for that for various reasons,
That said, you don’t need a reason to not want a relationship with someone so if you don’t want to meet her then don’t. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard
That’s a tricky one because a lot of women don’t advertise they have kids because if they do they can then be targeted by folks after them for that for various reasons,
That said, you don’t need a reason to not want a relationship with someone so if you don’t want to meet her then don’t."
Happens to us men too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard "
I don't think it's suspect, as such. But, if you don't want to date her, don't. Just let her know as soon as possible. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard
I don't think it's suspect, as such. But, if you don't want to date her, don't. Just let her know as soon as possible. "
Cancelled it right away. Just feels a little weird to not let someone know sooner you’ve got kids |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I have a female friend who was waiting in a pub. Guy came in. Made some excuse about leaving his wallet in the car. Went to get it and never came back. That’s just rude.
I’ve met some lovely people who I knew from the start I didn’t fancy. Two of them have gone on to be my best friends.
I’ve met people who don’t fancy me too. Lots.
I have had interesting conversations with everyone I’ve met. Give them an hour at least.
You only gave me 32 minutes …
To be fair it was a lot longer than that. At least two drinks. What are you doing one night this summer. Lol "
Yeyyyyy you just want an excuse to go back to that lovely hotel!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard
I don't think it's suspect, as such. But, if you don't want to date her, don't. Just let her know as soon as possible.
Cancelled it right away. Just feels a little weird to not let someone know sooner you’ve got kids "
I suppose it is if it's on a vanilla dating site. It can be awkward to get into conversation, especially if the man hasn't got kids. And, it's off putting for some men and she was maybe trying to work out whether you would be put off or not. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard
I don't think it's suspect, as such. But, if you don't want to date her, don't. Just let her know as soon as possible.
Cancelled it right away. Just feels a little weird to not let someone know sooner you’ve got kids
I suppose it is if it's on a vanilla dating site. It can be awkward to get into conversation, especially if the man hasn't got kids. And, it's off putting for some men and she was maybe trying to work out whether you would be put off or not. "
Seems a little rude to me
If your hiding something because it might put someone off, that’s just lying. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard
I don't think it's suspect, as such. But, if you don't want to date her, don't. Just let her know as soon as possible.
Cancelled it right away. Just feels a little weird to not let someone know sooner you’ve got kids
I suppose it is if it's on a vanilla dating site. It can be awkward to get into conversation, especially if the man hasn't got kids. And, it's off putting for some men and she was maybe trying to work out whether you would be put off or not.
Seems a little rude to me
If your hiding something because it might put someone off, that’s just lying. "
Maybe. Or maybe she really fancied you and was hoping you'd be cool with it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard
I don't think it's suspect, as such. But, if you don't want to date her, don't. Just let her know as soon as possible.
Cancelled it right away. Just feels a little weird to not let someone know sooner you’ve got kids
I suppose it is if it's on a vanilla dating site. It can be awkward to get into conversation, especially if the man hasn't got kids. And, it's off putting for some men and she was maybe trying to work out whether you would be put off or not.
Seems a little rude to me
If your hiding something because it might put someone off, that’s just lying.
Maybe. Or maybe she really fancied you and was hoping you'd be cool with it. "
It way worse that she tried to hide it until last minute
Wasted 2 weeks chatting with someone I wouldn’t have bothered ever messaging had I known we weren’t compatible
Shouldn’t let it get to me but it’s really annoyed me |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard
I don't think it's suspect, as such. But, if you don't want to date her, don't. Just let her know as soon as possible.
Cancelled it right away. Just feels a little weird to not let someone know sooner you’ve got kids
I suppose it is if it's on a vanilla dating site. It can be awkward to get into conversation, especially if the man hasn't got kids. And, it's off putting for some men and she was maybe trying to work out whether you would be put off or not.
Seems a little rude to me
If your hiding something because it might put someone off, that’s just lying.
Maybe. Or maybe she really fancied you and was hoping you'd be cool with it.
It way worse that she tried to hide it until last minute
Wasted 2 weeks chatting with someone I wouldn’t have bothered ever messaging had I known we weren’t compatible
Shouldn’t let it get to me but it’s really annoyed me "
Did you state you didn't want to date someone with children? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard
I don't think it's suspect, as such. But, if you don't want to date her, don't. Just let her know as soon as possible.
Cancelled it right away. Just feels a little weird to not let someone know sooner you’ve got kids "
When did you tell her that you won't date women with kids? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard
I don't think it's suspect, as such. But, if you don't want to date her, don't. Just let her know as soon as possible.
Cancelled it right away. Just feels a little weird to not let someone know sooner you’ve got kids
I suppose it is if it's on a vanilla dating site. It can be awkward to get into conversation, especially if the man hasn't got kids. And, it's off putting for some men and she was maybe trying to work out whether you would be put off or not.
Seems a little rude to me
If your hiding something because it might put someone off, that’s just lying.
Maybe. Or maybe she really fancied you and was hoping you'd be cool with it.
It way worse that she tried to hide it until last minute
Wasted 2 weeks chatting with someone I wouldn’t have bothered ever messaging had I known we weren’t compatible
Shouldn’t let it get to me but it’s really annoyed me
Did you state you didn't want to date someone with children? "
I try not to fill my bio up with too much negativity on what I don’t want
Instead I hope they’re a decent enough person to let you know before the 2 week time mark that they have kids
My mistake I guess |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard
I don't think it's suspect, as such. But, if you don't want to date her, don't. Just let her know as soon as possible.
Cancelled it right away. Just feels a little weird to not let someone know sooner you’ve got kids
I suppose it is if it's on a vanilla dating site. It can be awkward to get into conversation, especially if the man hasn't got kids. And, it's off putting for some men and she was maybe trying to work out whether you would be put off or not.
Seems a little rude to me
If your hiding something because it might put someone off, that’s just lying.
Maybe. Or maybe she really fancied you and was hoping you'd be cool with it.
It way worse that she tried to hide it until last minute
Wasted 2 weeks chatting with someone I wouldn’t have bothered ever messaging had I known we weren’t compatible
Shouldn’t let it get to me but it’s really annoyed me
Did you state you didn't want to date someone with children?
I try not to fill my bio up with too much negativity on what I don’t want
Instead I hope they’re a decent enough person to let you know before the 2 week time mark that they have kids
My mistake I guess "
I wouldn’t say it’s negative to say you won’t date anyone with kids - it’d save this happening again.
You say she should’ve been upfront about having kids, but in the same vein you could’ve been upfront about not wanting to date someone with kids |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
To answer the original question, I have had a couple of awful socials, over the years. One was so bad he stalked me and several other ladies around the forums for months.
Remember that addage "a refusal often offends"?
Well its true, spurn someone and sometimes they don't handle it in a very dignified way! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard
I don't think it's suspect, as such. But, if you don't want to date her, don't. Just let her know as soon as possible.
Cancelled it right away. Just feels a little weird to not let someone know sooner you’ve got kids
I suppose it is if it's on a vanilla dating site. It can be awkward to get into conversation, especially if the man hasn't got kids. And, it's off putting for some men and she was maybe trying to work out whether you would be put off or not.
Seems a little rude to me
If your hiding something because it might put someone off, that’s just lying.
Maybe. Or maybe she really fancied you and was hoping you'd be cool with it.
It way worse that she tried to hide it until last minute
Wasted 2 weeks chatting with someone I wouldn’t have bothered ever messaging had I known we weren’t compatible
Shouldn’t let it get to me but it’s really annoyed me
Did you state you didn't want to date someone with children?
I try not to fill my bio up with too much negativity on what I don’t want
Instead I hope they’re a decent enough person to let you know before the 2 week time mark that they have kids
My mistake I guess
I wouldn’t say it’s negative to say you won’t date anyone with kids - it’d save this happening again.
You say she should’ve been upfront about having kids, but in the same vein you could’ve been upfront about not wanting to date someone with kids "
True, I just feel like if your gonna keep every aspect of your life a secret until they ask, it’s gonna be a long list of nos in my profile
Should I ask them if they are married? Or is it my fault for not asking if they are?
Or is it reasonable to expect someone to be honest and upfront with their life over a 2 week period of talking where you talk about hobbies, family, past, future plans etc to mention you have kids?
Or am I asking too much? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I wouldn’t think of telling someone I had kids in conversation unless they asked me. I don’t really discuss my personal life, especially if we haven’t even met. If they asked then obviously I’d say yes but I wouldn’t just say oh I have children. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I wouldn’t think of telling someone I had kids in conversation unless they asked me. I don’t really discuss my personal life, especially if we haven’t even met. If they asked then obviously I’d say yes but I wouldn’t just say oh I have children. "
Maybe I am asking too much then, I (wrongly) assumed it’s something that might come into conversation with a potential partner
I’ll make sure to ask early next time to avoid this |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Keeping one's private life private is important anywhere on the internet.
The only way to get past this is to meet up. Whether from Fab or a vanilla site.
What we see of people online is often only what they want us to see. So keeping low expectations is also a good idea
In my opinion. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard
I don't think it's suspect, as such. But, if you don't want to date her, don't. Just let her know as soon as possible.
Cancelled it right away. Just feels a little weird to not let someone know sooner you’ve got kids
I suppose it is if it's on a vanilla dating site. It can be awkward to get into conversation, especially if the man hasn't got kids. And, it's off putting for some men and she was maybe trying to work out whether you would be put off or not.
Seems a little rude to me
If your hiding something because it might put someone off, that’s just lying.
Maybe. Or maybe she really fancied you and was hoping you'd be cool with it.
It way worse that she tried to hide it until last minute
Wasted 2 weeks chatting with someone I wouldn’t have bothered ever messaging had I known we weren’t compatible
Shouldn’t let it get to me but it’s really annoyed me
Did you state you didn't want to date someone with children?
I try not to fill my bio up with too much negativity on what I don’t want
Instead I hope they’re a decent enough person to let you know before the 2 week time mark that they have kids
My mistake I guess
I wouldn’t say it’s negative to say you won’t date anyone with kids - it’d save this happening again.
You say she should’ve been upfront about having kids, but in the same vein you could’ve been upfront about not wanting to date someone with kids
True, I just feel like if your gonna keep every aspect of your life a secret until they ask, it’s gonna be a long list of nos in my profile
Should I ask them if they are married? Or is it my fault for not asking if they are?
Or is it reasonable to expect someone to be honest and upfront with their life over a 2 week period of talking where you talk about hobbies, family, past, future plans etc to mention you have kids?
Or am I asking too much? "
Same as Nora if I hadn’t even met the person I wouldn’t be divulging many personal details about my life, unless specifically asked.
Things like if you’re married or single would be on your profile anyway surely, no? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Maybe I am asking too much then, I (wrongly) assumed it’s something that might come into conversation with a potential partner "
I'm not being negative here but a two week, chat is not enough to think someone might be a suitable partner? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I wouldn’t think of telling someone I had kids in conversation unless they asked me. I don’t really discuss my personal life, especially if we haven’t even met. If they asked then obviously I’d say yes but I wouldn’t just say oh I have children.
Maybe I am asking too much then, I (wrongly) assumed it’s something that might come into conversation with a potential partner
I’ll make sure to ask early next time to avoid this "
I’d ask the married thing too to be honest. It’s the first question I ask (not that I’m bothered but I like to know) I’m not bothered if people have children. I get why people would be though. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Maybe I am asking too much then, I (wrongly) assumed it’s something that might come into conversation with a potential partner
I'm not being negative here but a two week, chat is not enough to think someone might be a suitable partner?"
Absolutely not, change “potential partner” to “potential date” |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
"I wouldn’t think of telling someone I had kids in conversation unless they asked me. I don’t really discuss my personal life, especially if we haven’t even met. If they asked then obviously I’d say yes but I wouldn’t just say oh I have children.
Maybe I am asking too much then, I (wrongly) assumed it’s something that might come into conversation with a potential partner
I’ll make sure to ask early next time to avoid this "
If its a big factor in a potential partner then its probably best to, I certainly wouldn't have an issue with being asked and if anything it can save any awkwardness of getting to know each other, thinking theres potential and then having that 'oh yeah about that' moments |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I wouldn’t think of telling someone I had kids in conversation unless they asked me. I don’t really discuss my personal life, especially if we haven’t even met. If they asked then obviously I’d say yes but I wouldn’t just say oh I have children.
Maybe I am asking too much then, I (wrongly) assumed it’s something that might come into conversation with a potential partner
I’ll make sure to ask early next time to avoid this
I’d ask the married thing too to be honest. It’s the first question I ask (not that I’m bothered but I like to know) I’m not bothered if people have children. I get why people would be though. "
I’m glad I asked here to be honest because I’d never think to ask about kids, I thought it’s something you’d bring into the conversation
Is it ever too early to ask that? Kids is a huge no for me so ideally I’d want to know right away, but I don’t think opening with “got kids?” Is nice. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I wouldn’t think of telling someone I had kids in conversation unless they asked me. I don’t really discuss my personal life, especially if we haven’t even met. If they asked then obviously I’d say yes but I wouldn’t just say oh I have children.
Maybe I am asking too much then, I (wrongly) assumed it’s something that might come into conversation with a potential partner
I’ll make sure to ask early next time to avoid this
I’d ask the married thing too to be honest. It’s the first question I ask (not that I’m bothered but I like to know) I’m not bothered if people have children. I get why people would be though.
I’m glad I asked here to be honest because I’d never think to ask about kids, I thought it’s something you’d bring into the conversation
Is it ever too early to ask that? Kids is a huge no for me so ideally I’d want to know right away, but I don’t think opening with “got kids?” Is nice. "
Perhaps. “I assume you’re single” and when they answer you could say “any children?” I think that’s ok. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I wouldn’t think of telling someone I had kids in conversation unless they asked me. I don’t really discuss my personal life, especially if we haven’t even met. If they asked then obviously I’d say yes but I wouldn’t just say oh I have children.
Maybe I am asking too much then, I (wrongly) assumed it’s something that might come into conversation with a potential partner
I’ll make sure to ask early next time to avoid this
I’d ask the married thing too to be honest. It’s the first question I ask (not that I’m bothered but I like to know) I’m not bothered if people have children. I get why people would be though.
I’m glad I asked here to be honest because I’d never think to ask about kids, I thought it’s something you’d bring into the conversation
Is it ever too early to ask that? Kids is a huge no for me so ideally I’d want to know right away, but I don’t think opening with “got kids?” Is nice.
Perhaps. “I assume you’re single” and when they answer you could say “any children?” I think that’s ok. "
Thanks, Appreciate it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Or ask if they have family?"
You sly dogs know every trick in the book don’t you! Just slide it in there and she won’t even notice it
All great ideas. Was annoyed but now, your all absolutely right. If kids are such a big no for me, it’s kinda my responsibility to find that out myself instead of waiting. Be proactive instead of waiting 2 weeks and being reactive |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I had this happen to me once. Was expecting to be meeting a handsome salt&pepper haired man with a dad bod only to have a very overweight Santa looking man wave me over to the table at the bar.
I didn't mention anything but obviously had been duped by him using very old photos.
A while into the social he asked if he was what I'd expected and I was honest, said no and said that had I known what he really looked like now I would not have been interested.
For some reason that came as a bit of a shock to him, despite admitting the photos were 5-6 years old and he'd had traumatic events happen since, resulting in depression and weight gain.
We ended the social early, but the next day I saw he was active and hadn't changed the photos as he said he would so I reported his profile.
Yes, we all use flattering photos, but sometimes it's straight up deception and that's really not ok.
I wouldn't feel bad about not saying anything as I understand your reasoning, but people need to know it's not ok. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard
I don't think it's suspect, as such. But, if you don't want to date her, don't. Just let her know as soon as possible.
Cancelled it right away. Just feels a little weird to not let someone know sooner you’ve got kids "
Why is it weird? If I did have children then they wouldn't be brought into the equation unless a relationship were to form and develop. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard "
No, if that's one of your boundaries, stick to it. She should have said from the start. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Our biggest regret / lesson was actually not saying no thanks on an evening when we were both not feeling comfortable. We did in the end, but are now much more aware of communicating together and being ready to say no thanks |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Or ask if they have family?
You sly dogs know every trick in the book don’t you! Just slide it in there and she won’t even notice it
All great ideas. Was annoyed but now, your all absolutely right. If kids are such a big no for me, it’s kinda my responsibility to find that out myself instead of waiting. Be proactive instead of waiting 2 weeks and being reactive "
At the very least it sounds like it would save you time getting to know incompatible people or dissapointment/frustration down the line. Honestly, it's kind of refreshing to see someone being open to changing their approach instead of digging their heels in that the other people are the problem. Even if they are a massive problem, if you can do things to avoid an issue again in the future, why not for your own sake . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I had this happen to me once. Was expecting to be meeting a handsome salt&pepper haired man with a dad bod only to have a very overweight Santa looking man wave me over to the table at the bar.
I didn't mention anything but obviously had been duped by him using very old photos.
A while into the social he asked if he was what I'd expected and I was honest, said no and said that had I known what he really looked like now I would not have been interested.
For some reason that came as a bit of a shock to him, despite admitting the photos were 5-6 years old and he'd had traumatic events happen since, resulting in depression and weight gain.
We ended the social early, but the next day I saw he was active and hadn't changed the photos as he said he would so I reported his profile.
Yes, we all use flattering photos, but sometimes it's straight up deception and that's really not ok.
I wouldn't feel bad about not saying anything as I understand your reasoning, but people need to know it's not ok. "
I've honestly never understood this. Surely it just opens you up to more rejection down the line which can hurt more in person than just having a first message ignored. I guess they're hoping that the chance to get to know each other could mean someone could like them enough to look past it but even if I still found them attractive, the dishonesty is off putting. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I wish I had ended a recent one too. He made a judgemental comment about the waitress before I had even sat down. Instead I sat through an hour of him being increasingly unpleasant and criticising my parenting, voting choices and more. He walked out when I made a joke about swiping left on Tories. Cockwomble.
What I noticed was that instead of reacting to his comments, I was just trying to "keep things calm". Perhaps it's just a people pleasing behaviour Thicc but - I'd be more ruthless next time. For sure.
Don't feel bad. Women are 'taught' from a young age that we shouldn't piss men off. Some will be ok. Some will turn nasty. It's not worth the risk.
As a man, I feel quite disturbed that ladies are being taught not to piss a man off, or he'll get angry. It doesn't say much for my fellow men, and personally, I've never felt the need to assault any woman. We're not all animals "
We are not saying that men are all animals. I don't believe that. But girls learn from a young age to pacify men. In case they get angry. It's an ingrained habit that's very hard to break. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard
I don't think it's suspect, as such. But, if you don't want to date her, don't. Just let her know as soon as possible.
Cancelled it right away. Just feels a little weird to not let someone know sooner you’ve got kids
Why is it weird? If I did have children then they wouldn't be brought into the equation unless a relationship were to form and develop."
In vanilla dating it's one of the first things I've always told people and asked about.
It is weird to not mention them... You don't need to go into details, you just have to say you're a parent. It explains time restrictions and responsibilities. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I wish I had ended a recent one too. He made a judgemental comment about the waitress before I had even sat down. Instead I sat through an hour of him being increasingly unpleasant and criticising my parenting, voting choices and more. He walked out when I made a joke about swiping left on Tories. Cockwomble.
What I noticed was that instead of reacting to his comments, I was just trying to "keep things calm". Perhaps it's just a people pleasing behaviour Thicc but - I'd be more ruthless next time. For sure.
Don't feel bad. Women are 'taught' from a young age that we shouldn't piss men off. Some will be ok. Some will turn nasty. It's not worth the risk.
As a man, I feel quite disturbed that ladies are being taught not to piss a man off, or he'll get angry. It doesn't say much for my fellow men, and personally, I've never felt the need to assault any woman. We're not all animals
We are not saying that men are all animals. I don't believe that. But girls learn from a young age to pacify men. In case they get angry. It's an ingrained habit that's very hard to break. "
It's sad though x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard
I don't think it's suspect, as such. But, if you don't want to date her, don't. Just let her know as soon as possible.
Cancelled it right away. Just feels a little weird to not let someone know sooner you’ve got kids "
If no kids is a deal-breaker I would mention that before going on a date. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Or ask if they have family?
You sly dogs know every trick in the book don’t you! Just slide it in there and she won’t even notice it
All great ideas. Was annoyed but now, your all absolutely right. If kids are such a big no for me, it’s kinda my responsibility to find that out myself instead of waiting. Be proactive instead of waiting 2 weeks and being reactive "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I wish I had ended a recent one too. He made a judgemental comment about the waitress before I had even sat down. Instead I sat through an hour of him being increasingly unpleasant and criticising my parenting, voting choices and more. He walked out when I made a joke about swiping left on Tories. Cockwomble.
What I noticed was that instead of reacting to his comments, I was just trying to "keep things calm". Perhaps it's just a people pleasing behaviour Thicc but - I'd be more ruthless next time. For sure.
Don't feel bad. Women are 'taught' from a young age that we shouldn't piss men off. Some will be ok. Some will turn nasty. It's not worth the risk.
As a man, I feel quite disturbed that ladies are being taught not to piss a man off, or he'll get angry. It doesn't say much for my fellow men, and personally, I've never felt the need to assault any woman. We're not all animals
We are not saying that men are all animals. I don't believe that. But girls learn from a young age to pacify men. In case they get angry. It's an ingrained habit that's very hard to break.
It's sad though x"
But necessary. I've done a thread today on violence against girls and women and am reminded why. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I wish I had ended a recent one too. He made a judgemental comment about the waitress before I had even sat down. Instead I sat through an hour of him being increasingly unpleasant and criticising my parenting, voting choices and more. He walked out when I made a joke about swiping left on Tories. Cockwomble.
What I noticed was that instead of reacting to his comments, I was just trying to "keep things calm". Perhaps it's just a people pleasing behaviour Thicc but - I'd be more ruthless next time. For sure.
Don't feel bad. Women are 'taught' from a young age that we shouldn't piss men off. Some will be ok. Some will turn nasty. It's not worth the risk.
As a man, I feel quite disturbed that ladies are being taught not to piss a man off, or he'll get angry. It doesn't say much for my fellow men, and personally, I've never felt the need to assault any woman. We're not all animals
We are not saying that men are all animals. I don't believe that. But girls learn from a young age to pacify men. In case they get angry. It's an ingrained habit that's very hard to break.
It's sad though x
But necessary. I've done a thread today on violence against girls and women and am reminded why. "
Yes, I saw that. There's no need for it at all. X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
As a man, I feel quite disturbed that ladies are being taught not to piss a man off, or he'll get angry. It doesn't say much for my fellow men, and personally, I've never felt the need to assault any woman. We're not all animals "
No-one said you are all animals.
However, when you walk into a bar can you instantly tell which guys are and which aren’t?
We can’t either. And rejection is one of the times the ones that are animals are more likely to be so. As a bloke you’d stand a chance if a guy started on you.
As a 5’2 woman a social meet ended up with hand size bruises on both breasts and one of my legs. Just for saying no. In a public bar, and all in the time it took the bar man to clock it and cross the room step in.
The best safety skill women have are their pacifying and peacemaking skills. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I wish I had ended a recent one too. He made a judgemental comment about the waitress before I had even sat down. Instead I sat through an hour of him being increasingly unpleasant and criticising my parenting, voting choices and more. He walked out when I made a joke about swiping left on Tories. Cockwomble.
What I noticed was that instead of reacting to his comments, I was just trying to "keep things calm". Perhaps it's just a people pleasing behaviour Thicc but - I'd be more ruthless next time. For sure.
Don't feel bad. Women are 'taught' from a young age that we shouldn't piss men off. Some will be ok. Some will turn nasty. It's not worth the risk.
As a man, I feel quite disturbed that ladies are being taught not to piss a man off, or he'll get angry. It doesn't say much for my fellow men, and personally, I've never felt the need to assault any woman. We're not all animals
We are not saying that men are all animals. I don't believe that. But girls learn from a young age to pacify men. In case they get angry. It's an ingrained habit that's very hard to break. "
I don’t think I agree with this really. Some girls may but not all. I didn’t. I’ve never had to learn to pacify men in case they get angry. It has never even crossed my mind. Maybe if in an abusive childhood/relationship but not all girls/women had to learn that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would stay and have a drink for a while, what is the harm in that. I couldn't bring myself to be harsh."
Same. Fab has hardened me in some ways. But I’d like to think I’d give someone the time of day, unless they turned up and started being randomly belligerent in the first two minutes |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I love chatting to anyone regardless so I'd stay and not feel bad about it. Maybe there's reasons they don't feel able to put a true pic up, someone could have been nasty about them in the past. A polite leaving greeting of I'm sorry but it's just friends for me.
I'd only leave if they seemed odd or scary.
PNG x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I love chatting to anyone regardless so I'd stay and not feel bad about it. Maybe there's reasons they don't feel able to put a true pic up, someone could have been nasty about them in the past. A polite leaving greeting of I'm sorry but it's just friends for me.
I'd only leave if they seemed odd or scary.
PNG x "
Same here |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I would stay and have a drink for a while, what is the harm in that. I couldn't bring myself to be harsh."
I’d agree with that. Just chat to them. Choose wisely of accepting a pint or a shot…. Could save you 15 mins of rubbish chat |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"You turn up and they don’t look like their pictures. Or something they do/say in the first 5 mins just puts you off
Do you keep it polite and give it an hour? Make the best of a bad situation and drop them a polite texting after saying your looking for something different?
Or maybe you text a friend to give you that SOS emergency call 15 mins in and make up an excuse to leave?
Or are you ruthless and just call them out and leave?
Had a situation last night and went with option 1 and I’m annoyed I can’t be more ruthless. Wasted an hour on something that should have been 3 minutes long because I’m too much of a wimp
I don't think that makes you a wimp- it makes you the sort of decent person who stays true to themselves, but doesn't want to be unkind or hurt someone's feelings."
Agreed. If the person chooses to be dishonest from the start with portraying to be someone they’re not, I thinks it’s justified to call them out…….. and take the drink they’ve paid for  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I had this happen to me once. Was expecting to be meeting a handsome salt&pepper haired man with a dad bod only to have a very overweight Santa looking man wave me over to the table at the bar.
I didn't mention anything but obviously had been duped by him using very old photos.
A while into the social he asked if he was what I'd expected and I was honest, said no and said that had I known what he really looked like now I would not have been interested.
For some reason that came as a bit of a shock to him, despite admitting the photos were 5-6 years old and he'd had traumatic events happen since, resulting in depression and weight gain.
We ended the social early, but the next day I saw he was active and hadn't changed the photos as he said he would so I reported his profile.
Yes, we all use flattering photos, but sometimes it's straight up deception and that's really not ok.
I wouldn't feel bad about not saying anything as I understand your reasoning, but people need to know it's not ok.
I've honestly never understood this. Surely it just opens you up to more rejection down the line which can hurt more in person than just having a first message ignored. I guess they're hoping that the chance to get to know each other could mean someone could like them enough to look past it but even if I still found them attractive, the dishonesty is off putting. "
Also of these people use photos that don’t represent their current looks, what goes through their minds to think that’s acceptable? You can excuse a good angle or good lighting pic but an overweight Santa lookalike waving across the room isn’t what was requested |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
As a man, I feel quite disturbed that ladies are being taught not to piss a man off, or he'll get angry. It doesn't say much for my fellow men, and personally, I've never felt the need to assault any woman. We're not all animals
No-one said you are all animals.
However, when you walk into a bar can you instantly tell which guys are and which aren’t?
We can’t either. And rejection is one of the times the ones that are animals are more likely to be so. As a bloke you’d stand a chance if a guy started on you.
As a 5’2 woman a social meet ended up with hand size bruises on both breasts and one of my legs. Just for saying no. In a public bar, and all in the time it took the bar man to clock it and cross the room step in.
The best safety skill women have are their pacifying and peacemaking skills. "
Wow...
I agree, I don't think I'd ever say no to someone's face, you never know how they're going to react. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
As a man, I feel quite disturbed that ladies are being taught not to piss a man off, or he'll get angry. It doesn't say much for my fellow men, and personally, I've never felt the need to assault any woman. We're not all animals
No-one said you are all animals.
However, when you walk into a bar can you instantly tell which guys are and which aren’t?
We can’t either. And rejection is one of the times the ones that are animals are more likely to be so. As a bloke you’d stand a chance if a guy started on you.
As a 5’2 woman a social meet ended up with hand size bruises on both breasts and one of my legs. Just for saying no. In a public bar, and all in the time it took the bar man to clock it and cross the room step in.
The best safety skill women have are their pacifying and peacemaking skills.
Wow...
I agree, I don't think I'd ever say no to someone's face, you never know how they're going to react."
I find men react quite aggressively online when told no or challenged. In person - I'm instinctively careful. I've never suffered the kind of assault described - that's just horrific to read. But when I was assaulted by quite a big guy, I didn't move or say anything. In hindsight that's the safety trigger kicking in. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Tbh if i was on the dating scene its something id ask way before being at the point of meeting. Its a 'staple' question, Id expect the majority at my age point have kids too, in all fairness it wouldnt put me off. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
"I have spent time chatting over a coffee and then told them that I was not interested in taking it further.
On one occasion the reaction was rather a shock...he huffed tried to stand up but caught his flip flip on the table leg and fell on to my lap. Then he stormed out of the coffee shop, I was red with embarrassment as everyone was watching me and I very calmly pressed my phone and put it to my ear saying "yes I am on my way home" as I walked out.
NBVN x"
Wearing flip flops says it all really. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
"Sighhhhhhh
So last nights date goes bad. Doesn’t look anything like her pictures
So I’ve got a date tonight. We’ve been talking online for about 2 weeks. She only just now lets me know she has kids.
Am I the asshole for just cancelling? I’m not interested in women with kids anyways and keeping something like that quiet for 2 weeks? Seems suspect as fuck to me
Dating is hard "
This isn’t a dating site unless you’re talking about a different site. I’ve put on my profile I have kids at home as that’s the reason I can’t accommodate. Maybe put it on your profile that you don’t want to meet someone with kids. Honesty works both ways.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have spent time chatting over a coffee and then told them that I was not interested in taking it further.
On one occasion the reaction was rather a shock...he huffed tried to stand up but caught his flip flip on the table leg and fell on to my lap. Then he stormed out of the coffee shop, I was red with embarrassment as everyone was watching me and I very calmly pressed my phone and put it to my ear saying "yes I am on my way home" as I walked out.
NBVN x
Wearing flip flops says it all really. "
Those were in style back then,The store assistant said I was irresistible,Worth every penny
At least she didn’t mention the hole |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
As a man, I feel quite disturbed that ladies are being taught not to piss a man off, or he'll get angry. It doesn't say much for my fellow men, and personally, I've never felt the need to assault any woman. We're not all animals
No-one said you are all animals.
However, when you walk into a bar can you instantly tell which guys are and which aren’t?
We can’t either. And rejection is one of the times the ones that are animals are more likely to be so. As a bloke you’d stand a chance if a guy started on you.
As a 5’2 woman a social meet ended up with hand size bruises on both breasts and one of my legs. Just for saying no. In a public bar, and all in the time it took the bar man to clock it and cross the room step in.
The best safety skill women have are their pacifying and peacemaking skills.
Wow...
I agree, I don't think I'd ever say no to someone's face, you never know how they're going to react.
I find men react quite aggressively online when told no or challenged. In person - I'm instinctively careful. I've never suffered the kind of assault described - that's just horrific to read. But when I was assaulted by quite a big guy, I didn't move or say anything. In hindsight that's the safety trigger kicking in. "
Yep, the instinct not to make it worse kicks in so easily. It’s just in us all. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
