FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Are you lonely?
Are you lonely?
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"Not afraid to admit it, yes" If you ever need a chat mate. | |||
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"Not afraid to admit it, yes If you ever need a chat mate. " Cheers bud....  | |||
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"Not afraid to admit it, yes" I fear too many people are afraid. | |||
"Not afraid to admit it, yes I fear too many people are afraid." True. Until it's too late. Today, my son is here, after that, apart from work, nada. The forum is like a social club for me. Single seven years (not my choice), and miss the daily interaction. | |||
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"Beautiful post Summer Man! I get very, very lonely. Even with people I love on the other end of the phone. It isn't the same as being with them. But then, I'm also lonely (and panicked) in a crowd." It can tap you on the shoulder at anytime. I personally despise this digital age and crave real human contact, even a phone call, though better than nothing, it isn't a substitute. | |||
"Worth mentioning that lockdown was truly abysmal. Work from home....fuck right off." Yes indeed, it brought it right to the fore for many people. | |||
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"As much of a loner that I am and have become very comfortable with single life I have to admit that I do have huge internal struggles mentally with it from time to time I need a hug "We can all do with a hug at some point, sometimes there doesn't need to be any words just the hug. | |||
"Worth mentioning that lockdown was truly abysmal. Work from home....fuck right off. Yes indeed, it brought it right to the fore for many people." and to those that might never had experienced it, but now have a better understanding of what others had already been dealing with. I like to think they’ve learnt from the experience and accepting of how people can feel | |||
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"Beautiful post Summer Man! I get very, very lonely. Even with people I love on the other end of the phone. It isn't the same as being with them. But then, I'm also lonely (and panicked) in a crowd. It can tap you on the shoulder at anytime. I personally despise this digital age and crave real human contact, even a phone call, though better than nothing, it isn't a substitute." Oh God yes. I hate the fact that most communication is by text. I'd far rather a human voice. But, we do live in a wonderful time, where we can call. And video call. Which is an even better step. | |||
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"Yes I can at times. I miss having a deep connection with someone, I miss the small things and the feeling that someone has your back But you will always be there for yourself no matter how many people come and go " That feeling of standing alone but you know you're not, it can be the difference between success and failure. Like tapping a barrel, the strength is there, you just need a little help releasing it. | |||
"Worth mentioning that lockdown was truly abysmal. Work from home....fuck right off. Yes indeed, it brought it right to the fore for many people. and to those that might never had experienced it, but now have a better understanding of what others had already been dealing with. I like to think they’ve learnt from the experience and accepting of how people can feel " Regulations finish on 21 March up here. For my department, I'm ending the home working arrangements from that date, except where child/parent care are involved. I've seen people turn into virtual recluse and the odd one turn to the bottle. Not on my watch. I want to see them all back, interacting and letting people know they're OK x | |||
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"Beautiful post Summer Man! I get very, very lonely. Even with people I love on the other end of the phone. It isn't the same as being with them. But then, I'm also lonely (and panicked) in a crowd."  | |||
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"Worth mentioning that lockdown was truly abysmal. Work from home....fuck right off. Yes indeed, it brought it right to the fore for many people. and to those that might never had experienced it, but now have a better understanding of what others had already been dealing with. I like to think they’ve learnt from the experience and accepting of how people can feel Regulations finish on 21 March up here. For my department, I'm ending the home working arrangements from that date, except where child/parent care are involved. I've seen people turn into virtual recluse and the odd one turn to the bottle. Not on my watch. I want to see them all back, interacting and letting people know they're OK x" I'm glad to be back in most days, either for the full day or part of it. This has been a truly horrible period of time for so many people. I purposely stay away from alcohol during the week, I don't drink during the week, whilst in lockdown as it would be too easy to keep it going. | |||
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"Yes I used to convince myself I like solo time cos I like space. Now I have it 24/7 and I feel like hell. Worse just tested positive so now week trapped at home after week off so be 2 weeks plus before and since seen anyone in person. I post on here a lot but I can’t tell stuff to people in person. Ppl offer help and chat here but I struggle to hit the button. Hope everyone feels better soon and if anyone need an ear or friend am open" Letting others know can seem daunting but it's vital in order for us to move on and overcome. It's a legacy of all those centuries of the "man up" philosophy. I do hope your isolation isn't too bad and ends sooner rather than later. | |||
"Worth mentioning that lockdown was truly abysmal. Work from home....fuck right off. Yes indeed, it brought it right to the fore for many people. and to those that might never had experienced it, but now have a better understanding of what others had already been dealing with. I like to think they’ve learnt from the experience and accepting of how people can feel Regulations finish on 21 March up here. For my department, I'm ending the home working arrangements from that date, except where child/parent care are involved. I've seen people turn into virtual recluse and the odd one turn to the bottle. Not on my watch. I want to see them all back, interacting and letting people know they're OK x I'm glad to be back in most days, either for the full day or part of it. This has been a truly horrible period of time for so many people. I purposely stay away from alcohol during the week, I don't drink during the week, whilst in lockdown as it would be too easy to keep it going. " I hate red wine. For some reason, on lockdown one, I bought a bottle. Then another. Then the third. That was day one. Don't know why. Realised pretty smartish that was dumb. | |||
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"Worth mentioning that lockdown was truly abysmal. Work from home....fuck right off. Yes indeed, it brought it right to the fore for many people. and to those that might never had experienced it, but now have a better understanding of what others had already been dealing with. I like to think they’ve learnt from the experience and accepting of how people can feel Regulations finish on 21 March up here. For my department, I'm ending the home working arrangements from that date, except where child/parent care are involved. I've seen people turn into virtual recluse and the odd one turn to the bottle. Not on my watch. I want to see them all back, interacting and letting people know they're OK x" easier to spot and manage changes in people when you see them face to face, sometimes people are afraid to say there is a problem, but a simple “are you ok” can be an opening for them to talk. | |||
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"Incredibly.. Able to manage it most of the time, but i do have waves that overwhelm me at times. I'm good at spotting the signs and doing extra self care " It's easy to think the 'gorgeous' ones, don't suffer. They must be uber popular, having a great social/sex life. Sometimes, people are very good at hiding the real 'them' through hot photos and chat x | |||
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"I am, most days "Always ready for a chat x | |||
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"Beautiful post Summer Man! I get very, very lonely. Even with people I love on the other end of the phone. It isn't the same as being with them. But then, I'm also lonely (and panicked) in a crowd. "Oh this struck a nerve in me too!!! | |||
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"I get lonely. I spend a lot of time alone. I can spend too long with other people though. After a while I just need to be alone again. " I was like that before i met joanne. I had a few fwb's and my close mates but sadley you get use to your own company which when i met jo was hard to revert back to having someone back in my life every day. But with time and patience on joannes part she get me back in to it. It was bloody hard though as you just get use to being by yourself. She is an amazing lady to be fair and loves me so deeply i am now back to being me again. Chin up op loads of us both male and female know exactly how you feel | |||
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"Yes I used to convince myself I like solo time cos I like space. Now I have it 24/7 and I feel like hell. Worse just tested positive so now week trapped at home after week off so be 2 weeks plus before and since seen anyone in person. I post on here a lot but I can’t tell stuff to people in person. Ppl offer help and chat here but I struggle to hit the button. Hope everyone feels better soon and if anyone need an ear or friend am open Letting others know can seem daunting but it's vital in order for us to move on and overcome. It's a legacy of all those centuries of the "man up" philosophy. I do hope your isolation isn't too bad and ends sooner rather than later." Thanks me also have at least 5 days from now lol | |||
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" Seems being lonely is on the increase and especially amongst the older generation and quite weird as the Internet was touted as a way to bring people together ? but in the end we are social animals and missing out on any kind of human contact is bad for your mental health and general well being and being lonely is going to be like the mental health crisis very soon as we live more and more insular lives ! and way to busy to staring at our lovelly little mental health device we call our smart phone to take notice of the people around us ?? "Yes, phones kill conversation, ironically. Forum a saviour for some of us. | |||
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"Yes but I shut myself off from people. Worst thing is feeling alone when you are with people, that's a whole other level of loneliness x" Yup. | |||
"Yes but I shut myself off from people. Worst thing is feeling alone when you are with people, that's a whole other level of loneliness x" Awwww sending hugs and kisses  | |||
"Yes but I shut myself off from people. Worst thing is feeling alone when you are with people, that's a whole other level of loneliness x" I've felt that many times. Nothing worse than being in a room with other people and feeling lonely x | |||
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"Yes but I shut myself off from people. Worst thing is feeling alone when you are with people, that's a whole other level of loneliness x" truffle shuffle cheer up | |||
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"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person." Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. | |||
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"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no." Agree! What he said is absolute rubbish! | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no." Well unless the person makes an effort in some way it becomes only the person responsible for being alone the world is your oyster many ways to use at their advantages | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person." Unfortunately it is not that simple. Yes each person handles alone time differently, may have ways to cope with small bouts of it. However, some individuals can also feel alone when surrounded by a crowd. Some may come here for virtual company, it’s a quick fix but doesn’t solve it. | |||
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"Not lonely more less than whole" i was tho during the hard times but since then made myself too busy to be lonely | |||
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"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately it is not that simple. Yes each person handles alone time differently, may have ways to cope with small bouts of it. However, some individuals can also feel alone when surrounded by a crowd. Some may come here for virtual company, it’s a quick fix but doesn’t solve it. " That is very very true you can be amongst friends or family and still feel alone I've been there,I've been alone a while now I met someone the other week and really really miss them that tells me something | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. Agree! What he said is absolute rubbish!" It only sounds rubbish if you're unable to grasp it a person has the choice of making decisions doing things meeting others so it's entirely down to the individual | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. Well unless the person makes an effort in some way it becomes only the person responsible for being alone the world is your oyster many ways to use at their advantages" That's a very narrow view What about those that don't want to be lonely, make lots of effort but get rebuffed? What does that make them? | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. Well unless the person makes an effort in some way it becomes only the person responsible for being alone the world is your oyster many ways to use at their advantages" Some make the effort but still don’t get to rid of the loneliness. I often try hard even in and out work but then feel alone cos only way people msg or talk is when I make first move and that still keeps lonely. Example even here I post I msg people but no one even just randomly msg or asks am I ok. Yes it’s virtual and stuff but be nice not be alone So I see what typing say but sometimes not easy. And that way thinking is similar to oh you have mh thing well suck it and move on it’s not real | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. Agree! What he said is absolute rubbish! It only sounds rubbish if you're unable to grasp it a person has the choice of making decisions doing things meeting others so it's entirely down to the individual" Sorry, you just don't have a clue. | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. Agree! What he said is absolute rubbish! It only sounds rubbish if you're unable to grasp it a person has the choice of making decisions doing things meeting others so it's entirely down to the individual" You think I want to feel this way? I try all the time not to but it's not as simple as that. I'm so pleased that you have such a non lonely life  | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. Agree! What he said is absolute rubbish! It only sounds rubbish if you're unable to grasp it a person has the choice of making decisions doing things meeting others so it's entirely down to the individual You think I want to feel this way? I try all the time not to but it's not as simple as that. I'm so pleased that you have such a non lonely life "Big hugs always here if want chat or stuff | |||
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"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. Agree! What he said is absolute rubbish! It only sounds rubbish if you're unable to grasp it a person has the choice of making decisions doing things meeting others so it's entirely down to the individual" Also a simplistic one view of what lonely is and that just being around another person can solve that feeling. Listening to what loneliness means to each person, goes a long way to understanding another person and how it effects them. | |||
"The word lonely just doesn’t cut it anymore " I've had nearly 3 years of it now as I live alone. Wondering if there is another word that doesn't sound so sad ? | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. Agree! What he said is absolute rubbish! It only sounds rubbish if you're unable to grasp it a person has the choice of making decisions doing things meeting others so it's entirely down to the individual You think I want to feel this way? I try all the time not to but it's not as simple as that. I'm so pleased that you have such a non lonely life
Big hugs always here if want chat or stuff"So one minute it's all their fault and now you are offering sympathy hugs?  | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. Agree! What he said is absolute rubbish! It only sounds rubbish if you're unable to grasp it a person has the choice of making decisions doing things meeting others so it's entirely down to the individual You think I want to feel this way? I try all the time not to but it's not as simple as that. I'm so pleased that you have such a non lonely life
Big hugs always here if want chat or stuff
So one minute it's all their fault and now you are offering sympathy hugs?
"You might want to check who said what | |||
"Beautiful post Summer Man! I get very, very lonely. Even with people I love on the other end of the phone. It isn't the same as being with them. But then, I'm also lonely (and panicked) in a crowd." Same here sweet cheeks xx Pix | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. Agree! What he said is absolute rubbish! It only sounds rubbish if you're unable to grasp it a person has the choice of making decisions doing things meeting others so it's entirely down to the individual You think I want to feel this way? I try all the time not to but it's not as simple as that. I'm so pleased that you have such a non lonely life
Big hugs always here if want chat or stuff
So one minute it's all their fault and now you are offering sympathy hugs?
"It wasn't Sparrow who said anything wrong it was Bucka but thanks x | |||
"Ironically not anymore now I’m single " | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. Well unless the person makes an effort in some way it becomes only the person responsible for being alone the world is your oyster many ways to use at their advantages That's a very narrow view What about those that don't want to be lonely, make lots of effort but get rebuffed? What does that make them?" It's more straightforward acceptance and those that don't want to be lonely usually decide how to use their time constructively rather than just having one focus point.their is the option to make an effort but also not to expect anything in return no one is owed take life with a pinch of salt | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. Agree! What he said is absolute rubbish! It only sounds rubbish if you're unable to grasp it a person has the choice of making decisions doing things meeting others so it's entirely down to the individual You think I want to feel this way? I try all the time not to but it's not as simple as that. I'm so pleased that you have such a non lonely life
Big hugs always here if want chat or stuff
So one minute it's all their fault and now you are offering sympathy hugs?
You might want to check who said what "True. Apologies | |||
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"Worth mentioning that lockdown was truly abysmal. Work from home....fuck right off. Yes indeed, it brought it right to the fore for many people. and to those that might never had experienced it, but now have a better understanding of what others had already been dealing with. I like to think they’ve learnt from the experience and accepting of how people can feel Regulations finish on 21 March up here. For my department, I'm ending the home working arrangements from that date, except where child/parent care are involved. I've seen people turn into virtual recluse and the odd one turn to the bottle. Not on my watch. I want to see them all back, interacting and letting people know they're OK x I'm glad to be back in most days, either for the full day or part of it. This has been a truly horrible period of time for so many people. I purposely stay away from alcohol during the week, I don't drink during the week, whilst in lockdown as it would be too easy to keep it going. I hate red wine. For some reason, on lockdown one, I bought a bottle. Then another. Then the third. That was day one. Don't know why. Realised pretty smartish that was dumb." The main thing is you realised. I had a shed load if beer and I bought a bottle of sambucca to have in my coffee. The beer took a long, long time do drink but I still have the sambucca. | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. Agree! What he said is absolute rubbish! It only sounds rubbish if you're unable to grasp it a person has the choice of making decisions doing things meeting others so it's entirely down to the individual You think I want to feel this way? I try all the time not to but it's not as simple as that. I'm so pleased that you have such a non lonely life
Big hugs always here if want chat or stuff
So one minute it's all their fault and now you are offering sympathy hugs?
" wtf did I do wrong.
It ok I’ll go back to the corner and sit alone again | |||
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"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. Agree! What he said is absolute rubbish! It only sounds rubbish if you're unable to grasp it a person has the choice of making decisions doing things meeting others so it's entirely down to the individual You think I want to feel this way? I try all the time not to but it's not as simple as that. I'm so pleased that you have such a non lonely life
Big hugs always here if want chat or stuff
So one minute it's all their fault and now you are offering sympathy hugs?
wtf did I do wrong.
It ok I’ll go back to the corner and sit alone again"You didn't do anything wrong. Someone just got confused over who says what. You're good x | |||
"Worth mentioning that lockdown was truly abysmal. Work from home....fuck right off. Yes indeed, it brought it right to the fore for many people. and to those that might never had experienced it, but now have a better understanding of what others had already been dealing with. I like to think they’ve learnt from the experience and accepting of how people can feel Regulations finish on 21 March up here. For my department, I'm ending the home working arrangements from that date, except where child/parent care are involved. I've seen people turn into virtual recluse and the odd one turn to the bottle. Not on my watch. I want to see them all back, interacting and letting people know they're OK x I'm glad to be back in most days, either for the full day or part of it. This has been a truly horrible period of time for so many people. I purposely stay away from alcohol during the week, I don't drink during the week, whilst in lockdown as it would be too easy to keep it going. I hate red wine. For some reason, on lockdown one, I bought a bottle. Then another. Then the third. That was day one. Don't know why. Realised pretty smartish that was dumb. The main thing is you realised. I had a shed load if beer and I bought a bottle of sambucca to have in my coffee. The beer took a long, long time do drink but I still have the sambucca. " Use the Sammy as a toilet cleaner | |||
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"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. Agree! What he said is absolute rubbish! It only sounds rubbish if you're unable to grasp it a person has the choice of making decisions doing things meeting others so it's entirely down to the individual You think I want to feel this way? I try all the time not to but it's not as simple as that. I'm so pleased that you have such a non lonely life
Big hugs always here if want chat or stuff
So one minute it's all their fault and now you are offering sympathy hugs?
wtf did I do wrong.
It ok I’ll go back to the corner and sit alone again"Yep, I forked up! Carry on lol | |||
"The word lonely just doesn’t cut it anymore I've had nearly 3 years of it now as I live alone. Wondering if there is another word that doesn't sound so sad ? " Ooo, good plan. Lonely or alone sounds so negative. I dread the day my offspring decide that I need to socialise and push my wheelchair into the dreary shared lounge in my old folks home, just because it's perceived as nothing but bad for humans to be alone. | |||
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"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. Agree! What he said is absolute rubbish! It only sounds rubbish if you're unable to grasp it a person has the choice of making decisions doing things meeting others so it's entirely down to the individual You think I want to feel this way? I try all the time not to but it's not as simple as that. I'm so pleased that you have such a non lonely life
Big hugs always here if want chat or stuff
So one minute it's all their fault and now you are offering sympathy hugs?
wtf did I do wrong.
It ok I’ll go back to the corner and sit alone again
Yep, I forked up! Carry on lol"Oh now you owe me giving me a complex hahaha it’s ok I seen you forked up | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. Unfortunately not, I can see where you're coming from but no. Agree! What he said is absolute rubbish! It only sounds rubbish if you're unable to grasp it a person has the choice of making decisions doing things meeting others so it's entirely down to the individual You think I want to feel this way? I try all the time not to but it's not as simple as that. I'm so pleased that you have such a non lonely life
Big hugs always here if want chat or stuff
So one minute it's all their fault and now you are offering sympathy hugs?
wtf did I do wrong.
It ok I’ll go back to the corner and sit alone again
You didn't do anything wrong. Someone just got confused over who says what. You're good x"Thanks gorgeous lady;-) not always good but that’s for another thread lMao | |||
"Worth mentioning that lockdown was truly abysmal. Work from home....fuck right off. Yes indeed, it brought it right to the fore for many people. and to those that might never had experienced it, but now have a better understanding of what others had already been dealing with. I like to think they’ve learnt from the experience and accepting of how people can feel Regulations finish on 21 March up here. For my department, I'm ending the home working arrangements from that date, except where child/parent care are involved. I've seen people turn into virtual recluse and the odd one turn to the bottle. Not on my watch. I want to see them all back, interacting and letting people know they're OK x I'm glad to be back in most days, either for the full day or part of it. This has been a truly horrible period of time for so many people. I purposely stay away from alcohol during the week, I don't drink during the week, whilst in lockdown as it would be too easy to keep it going. I hate red wine. For some reason, on lockdown one, I bought a bottle. Then another. Then the third. That was day one. Don't know why. Realised pretty smartish that was dumb. The main thing is you realised. I had a shed load if beer and I bought a bottle of sambucca to have in my coffee. The beer took a long, long time do drink but I still have the sambucca. Use the Sammy as a toilet cleaner "Noooooo, that's what Tennents lager is for. Sammy is a good fella and comes out on special occasions. | |||
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"Worth mentioning that lockdown was truly abysmal. Work from home....fuck right off. Yes indeed, it brought it right to the fore for many people. and to those that might never had experienced it, but now have a better understanding of what others had already been dealing with. I like to think they’ve learnt from the experience and accepting of how people can feel Regulations finish on 21 March up here. For my department, I'm ending the home working arrangements from that date, except where child/parent care are involved. I've seen people turn into virtual recluse and the odd one turn to the bottle. Not on my watch. I want to see them all back, interacting and letting people know they're OK x I'm glad to be back in most days, either for the full day or part of it. This has been a truly horrible period of time for so many people. I purposely stay away from alcohol during the week, I don't drink during the week, whilst in lockdown as it would be too easy to keep it going. I hate red wine. For some reason, on lockdown one, I bought a bottle. Then another. Then the third. That was day one. Don't know why. Realised pretty smartish that was dumb. The main thing is you realised. I had a shed load if beer and I bought a bottle of sambucca to have in my coffee. The beer took a long, long time do drink but I still have the sambucca. Use the Sammy as a toilet cleaner
Noooooo, that's what Tennents lager is for. Sammy is a good fella and comes out on special occasions. "Yeah, and Stella....yuk | |||
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"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person." My husband died. Did I choose to be alone? I see friends, I see family, I can have company and enjoy all of that. But I am lonely. Crippling loneliness I have no one to cuddle up to of a night, share my worries with, despite years of trying believe me. It’s not a choice | |||
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I used to think that I was lonely at times. I realised that I was surrounded by people who just didn’t quite get me. This last year I’ve found that I need the solitude more than I need company. But I do need my people within reach and I have that.
So no I’m not lonely. But I remember the feeling well. Love to anyone struggling. We all need someone sometimes | |||
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"I live alone. Some days I have my kids, but for most of my life as it is at the moment, I'm completely on my own. It can be tough. Really tough. What I try to do is based around coaching techniques, especially from transactional analysis. There's a set of life positions which are basically summarised as: I'm ok - you're ok I'm ok - you're not ok I'm not ok - you're ok I'm not ok - you're not ok "Ok" in this instance means "having agency, being capable of change, and in control." I can say that both you and me are able to make decisions, make changes, and take action. That's "I'm ok - you're ok". If I say, especially when I'm lonely, "I'm not ok - you're ok", which is probably the most common feeling we get. "I'm not able to change my circumstances, my life is destined to be shit. That guy there with fifty veris, he's ok, jack." That's now taken choice out of my hands. I'm also assuming a lot about the other person. This can lead to thought paralysis. We simply can't change anything or do anything because everything we do is bound to fail. We become trapped in our drama triangle as a victim. When this happens it's incredibly hard to break it, but not impossible. Everyone's different so saying what you can do to break out of it is impossible. What ever it is you usually do for yourself is a good place to start. Just anything. Standing up can be a start. Think about what it is you need right now, and what's available. I'll go to places, like fetish clubs or munches just to be around people. I don't talk to them because I'm incredibly introvert, which I'm working on. But just being there can help. Or a rock bar. Or I build a model, play a game, just anything to focus momind on something which I do have control over. Going on this place and hoping for a quick shag is never going to work. I realised that very early on. There's a very narrow wedge of people who do get sex but the vast, vast majority never do. That will lead to an "I'm not ok - you're ok" state if you let it. I'm not saying it's easy. Just that it's possible. There are support groups, some here in West Sussex. Realise that the feeling is temporary, and see it as freedom. There's no logic to it. I'm fairly good looking. My friends are always surprised to find out that I'm single, especially the women. But such is it. I'm not relationship material, not at my age and in the situation I'm in. I just have to live with it and tell myself that "I'm ok". " I think I get it, my braincells are having a barney over which one of the two is right though. In all seriousness, you clearly are a voice of experience and thank you for posting. | |||
"The word lonely just doesn’t cut it anymore I've had nearly 3 years of it now as I live alone. Wondering if there is another word that doesn't sound so sad ? Ooo, good plan. Lonely or alone sounds so negative. I dread the day my offspring decide that I need to socialise and push my wheelchair into the dreary shared lounge in my old folks home, just because it's perceived as nothing but bad for humans to be alone." I would hope I have left this fake world before that time arrives in my life | |||
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"I live alone. Some days I have my kids, but for most of my life as it is at the moment, I'm completely on my own. It can be tough. Really tough. What I try to do is based around coaching techniques, especially from transactional analysis. There's a set of life positions which are basically summarised as: I'm ok - you're ok I'm ok - you're not ok I'm not ok - you're ok I'm not ok - you're not ok "Ok" in this instance means "having agency, being capable of change, and in control." I can say that both you and me are able to make decisions, make changes, and take action. That's "I'm ok - you're ok". If I say, especially when I'm lonely, "I'm not ok - you're ok", which is probably the most common feeling we get. "I'm not able to change my circumstances, my life is destined to be shit. That guy there with fifty veris, he's ok, jack." That's now taken choice out of my hands. I'm also assuming a lot about the other person. This can lead to thought paralysis. We simply can't change anything or do anything because everything we do is bound to fail. We become trapped in our drama triangle as a victim. When this happens it's incredibly hard to break it, but not impossible. Everyone's different so saying what you can do to break out of it is impossible. What ever it is you usually do for yourself is a good place to start. Just anything. Standing up can be a start. Think about what it is you need right now, and what's available. I'll go to places, like fetish clubs or munches just to be around people. I don't talk to them because I'm incredibly introvert, which I'm working on. But just being there can help. Or a rock bar. Or I build a model, play a game, just anything to focus momind on something which I do have control over. Going on this place and hoping for a quick shag is never going to work. I realised that very early on. There's a very narrow wedge of people who do get sex but the vast, vast majority never do. That will lead to an "I'm not ok - you're ok" state if you let it. I'm not saying it's easy. Just that it's possible. There are support groups, some here in West Sussex. Realise that the feeling is temporary, and see it as freedom. There's no logic to it. I'm fairly good looking. My friends are always surprised to find out that I'm single, especially the women. But such is it. I'm not relationship material, not at my age and in the situation I'm in. I just have to live with it and tell myself that "I'm ok". I think I get it, my braincells are having a barney over which one of the two is right though. In all seriousness, you clearly are a voice of experience and thank you for posting." I think it's OK to say "I'm really not f*cking OK right now". At least then you're aware. Avoiding "You're OK" at least means we're not putting ourselves into a relative position. And avoiding "You're not OK" as that's trying to drag other people down with us. We can't change anyone else. I coach people on this, so I'm acutely aware of how it shows up. Doesn't mean I'm immune to it... | |||
"I live alone. Some days I have my kids, but for most of my life as it is at the moment, I'm completely on my own. It can be tough. Really tough. What I try to do is based around coaching techniques, especially from transactional analysis. There's a set of life positions which are basically summarised as: I'm ok - you're ok I'm ok - you're not ok I'm not ok - you're ok I'm not ok - you're not ok "Ok" in this instance means "having agency, being capable of change, and in control." I can say that both you and me are able to make decisions, make changes, and take action. That's "I'm ok - you're ok". If I say, especially when I'm lonely, "I'm not ok - you're ok", which is probably the most common feeling we get. "I'm not able to change my circumstances, my life is destined to be shit. That guy there with fifty veris, he's ok, jack." That's now taken choice out of my hands. I'm also assuming a lot about the other person. This can lead to thought paralysis. We simply can't change anything or do anything because everything we do is bound to fail. We become trapped in our drama triangle as a victim. When this happens it's incredibly hard to break it, but not impossible. Everyone's different so saying what you can do to break out of it is impossible. What ever it is you usually do for yourself is a good place to start. Just anything. Standing up can be a start. Think about what it is you need right now, and what's available. I'll go to places, like fetish clubs or munches just to be around people. I don't talk to them because I'm incredibly introvert, which I'm working on. But just being there can help. Or a rock bar. Or I build a model, play a game, just anything to focus momind on something which I do have control over. Going on this place and hoping for a quick shag is never going to work. I realised that very early on. There's a very narrow wedge of people who do get sex but the vast, vast majority never do. That will lead to an "I'm not ok - you're ok" state if you let it. I'm not saying it's easy. Just that it's possible. There are support groups, some here in West Sussex. Realise that the feeling is temporary, and see it as freedom. There's no logic to it. I'm fairly good looking. My friends are always surprised to find out that I'm single, especially the women. But such is it. I'm not relationship material, not at my age and in the situation I'm in. I just have to live with it and tell myself that "I'm ok". I think I get it, my braincells are having a barney over which one of the two is right though. In all seriousness, you clearly are a voice of experience and thank you for posting. I think it's OK to say "I'm really not f*cking OK right now". At least then you're aware. Avoiding "You're OK" at least means we're not putting ourselves into a relative position. And avoiding "You're not OK" as that's trying to drag other people down with us. We can't change anyone else. I coach people on this, so I'm acutely aware of how it shows up. Doesn't mean I'm immune to it..." Wise words fella | |||
"I have lonely moments yes. I can be quite self sufficient but that can lean towards loneliness. I can sort of fake happiness and sociability in a crowd, but it isnt fulfilling and can just be tiresome rather than make me happy. Bringing up children by myself creates another type of loneliness, all the decisions be they good or bad are on me and perversely never actually getting to be alone as a person keeps you stuck as just lonely mum. This is all very woe is me, and as a parent I do know I have masses to be thankful for, I am sort of just voicing my answer to the question. I have some lovely people I message where there is a great connection but again because it is difficult to ever be with them, after interacting it brings the loneliness to the surface as you know exactly what it is you are missing out on by not being there in person. Besides all this I am feeling pretty upbeat today, its an interesting question. "The lone parenting thing can be tough, sometimes you give so much to them that you've little, if any, left over for yourself or others. | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. My husband died. Did I choose to be alone? I see friends, I see family, I can have company and enjoy all of that. But I am lonely. Crippling loneliness I have no one to cuddle up to of a night, share my worries with, despite years of trying believe me. It’s not a choice " Always happy to chat to local beautiful lady even if it’s just an shoulder to lean or ear to vent to msg any time and if coffee on offer alway social brew available also | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. My husband died. Did I choose to be alone? I see friends, I see family, I can have company and enjoy all of that. But I am lonely. Crippling loneliness I have no one to cuddle up to of a night, share my worries with, despite years of trying believe me. It’s not a choice Always happy to chat to local beautiful lady even if it’s just an shoulder to lean or ear to vent to msg any time and if coffee on offer alway social brew available also" Do you get that having a chat and a coffee with a well meaning stranger won't usually cure the feeling of loneliness? The lonely need connections and continuity | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. My husband died. Did I choose to be alone? I see friends, I see family, I can have company and enjoy all of that. But I am lonely. Crippling loneliness I have no one to cuddle up to of a night, share my worries with, despite years of trying believe me. It’s not a choice Always happy to chat to local beautiful lady even if it’s just an shoulder to lean or ear to vent to msg any time and if coffee on offer alway social brew available also Do you get that having a chat and a coffee with a well meaning stranger won't usually cure the feeling of loneliness? The lonely need connections and continuity " Very much so. I did meet someone off here in lockdown and it was looking promising. It had that degree if freedom between us. Some connection like you say. I was hoping it could have developed into something more. But then one day she sends me a photo of herself in some guy's Ferrari. So that was that, and the rut in the middle of my mattress is approaching canyon like proportions. Having to climb out of Lonely Valley every morning. I can meet people and be very gregarious and have a whole room in stitches. But I still go home to a deafening silence. | |||
"No body is entirely alone, it's a part of the person that chooses to be.nothing stops you from being not lonely besides the person. My husband died. Did I choose to be alone? I see friends, I see family, I can have company and enjoy all of that. But I am lonely. Crippling loneliness I have no one to cuddle up to of a night, share my worries with, despite years of trying believe me. It’s not a choice Always happy to chat to local beautiful lady even if it’s just an shoulder to lean or ear to vent to msg any time and if coffee on offer alway social brew available also Do you get that having a chat and a coffee with a well meaning stranger won't usually cure the feeling of loneliness? The lonely need connections and continuity Very much so. I did meet someone off here in lockdown and it was looking promising. It had that degree if freedom between us. Some connection like you say. I was hoping it could have developed into something more. But then one day she sends me a photo of herself in some guy's Ferrari. So that was that, and the rut in the middle of my mattress is approaching canyon like proportions. Having to climb out of Lonely Valley every morning. I can meet people and be very gregarious and have a whole room in stitches. But I still go home to a deafening silence." Sorry to hear that fella. Hurts like a bustard. | |||
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"I love my own company, being my myself on a night, having the bed to myself. Certain times you can't help but feel lonely though, especially when you know it'll never change. Such is life!!" Why would it never change? | |||
"I love my own company, being my myself on a night, having the bed to myself. Certain times you can't help but feel lonely though, especially when you know it'll never change. Such is life!!" Fine!!! I’ll share your bed. Beg much. | |||
"Fantastic post OP, I'm sure I had times in my early twenties when I felt lonely. Now as I'm older I've learned to manage being alone. We've literally got the 'whole wide world' in our hands (smartphones) but nothing can replace the joy of being with another and sharing. Love this quote from the movie Contact, Palmer Joss played by by Matthew McCaughey “Is the world fundamentally a better place because of science and technology? We shop at home, we surf the Web... at the same time, we feel emptier, lonelier and more cut off from each other than at any other time in human history.” " And that's exactly where technology and science wants us  | |||
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"Yup, tis the perils of moving to a new part of the country with no friends or relatives near by " That sucks big time Am lucky family only 30 mins away but even though they close I feel so far away probably cos always close. Since been isolating I feel even worse than I did before cos apart from boss no one I know msg me or ask how I am so obviously I mean nothing to ppl I thought I did, am glad for the kind fab ppl who spoken to as helped and been nice speak to ppl but this experience has made me feel more lonely than I ever thought. Usually I’m happy alone enjoy my space and time to game, draw, play music etc but now I just feel so lost. Sorry for my moans I know ppl have lot worse | |||
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"Well are you? I know there are many people here that are and it's expressed in many subtle ways. I don't mind telling you I do get lonely sometimes but it's not all of me. You see I'm in a pretty good place right now and as happy as I can remember for a long time. But it doesn't change the fact I get lonely. There seems to be a stigma attached to being lonely, that the individual is somehow unlikeable or boring etc, but I'm sure most of us have been amongst friends yet feel all alone. So here is a place for all the stone kickers and worm eaters to just say it, and without prejudice or preconceptions. If you don't want to go public dm me, or even better, any listeners out there say your in to receive a message. Be nice don't abuse it thinking it's a way into someone's knickers. Loneliness is my closest friend, He meets me every day. I never ask him to join me, He just follows me on my way. I tell him his company is not required, But he walks beside me all the same. He sometimes whispers in my ear, That I'm the only one to blame. "A world like this is not for me," I tell him, but it's all just in vein. You see I can't stimulate a keyboard, Only another person's brain. They tell us men, "talk about it" Don't keep it locked inside. But the stench of weakness is set free, When we choose to no longer hide. Even though I can't smell the stench, I know that it's still here. But it's in others noses and minds, They use it to hide their fear. Weakness isn't to ask for help, It's to ignore those that do. The bravery is in the asking, You have to give others a clue. An outstretched hand is all we ask, And an open non judgmental ear. When we open up our hearts to you, And wait for the response in fear. " It's ok to be alone sometimes , sometimes you just don't wanna be dealing with other people's crap , it can feel lonely , absolutely , but l think Covid hasn't helped at all in the last two years , places and venues are opening up again and the Summer is only around the corner so maybe for a while it's all good .I think habit has a lot to do with it , it's the greatest attribute to not being in a relationship , loneliness , but like everything in life it has its good points too , getting the right balance is the thing , sometimes it's good to be alone other times you wish you weren't.It can be hard feeling alone , absolutely , but l always say your health , both Mentally & Physical is way more important , while you have both you have a chance to do what you want to do but without those you're chances are reduced.Its not easy to feel alone but remember one thing , health is first and foremost always. | |||
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"Yup, tis the perils of moving to a new part of the country with no friends or relatives near by That sucks big time Am lucky family only 30 mins away but even though they close I feel so far away probably cos always close. Since been isolating I feel even worse than I did before cos apart from boss no one I know msg me or ask how I am so obviously I mean nothing to ppl I thought I did, am glad for the kind fab ppl who spoken to as helped and been nice speak to ppl but this experience has made me feel more lonely than I ever thought. Usually I’m happy alone enjoy my space and time to game, draw, play music etc but now I just feel so lost. Sorry for my moans I know ppl have lot worse " Loneliness is what drove me back to Fab after a year away | |||
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"Sometimes, recently. I realised that I needed to start making an effort to restart my social life, now its allowed. I don't have a big social circle though, and I would love to have that special someone, who always has my back, but being a single parent, I am very wary." I'm with you there - my kids are still young and take priority. Their dad put his new relationship first and has paid the price. I won't. | |||
