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How important is…
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Certain things in a relationship?
Shared sense of humour…
Hobbies…
Moral and ethics…
Are there any dealbreakers for you, anything you absolutely have to have in common. |
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"Certain things in a relationship?
Shared sense of humour…
Hobbies…
Moral and ethics…
Are there any dealbreakers for you, anything you absolutely have to have in common."
When I was married we did everything together. Sadly she felt the need to be a teenager again, which is a tad unfortunate when you have three kids and a mortgage to deal with.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All the above Hippy
Seeing as I adore music, someone who will appreciate it as much as I do and if they play an instrument/sing/have similar music taste, even better!
PNG x |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
There has to be shared humour. And the good kind. Laugh with each other and not at each other.
Not necessarily the same hobbies etc, but both need to be on the same page with wants and needs. Say for having kids or if one wants to travel the world and the other is a homebody.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"All the above Hippy
Seeing as I adore music, someone who will appreciate it as much as I do and if they play an instrument/sing/have similar music taste, even better!
PNG x "
My next man will definitely have to like singing, rather than rolling their eyes at me, singing is one of lifes pleasures |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There has to be shared humour. And the good kind. Laugh with each other and not at each other.
Not necessarily the same hobbies etc, but both need to be on the same page with wants and needs. Say for having kids or if one wants to travel the world and the other is a homebody.
"
Love this  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well on another site if they have skiing as a hobby/passion/interest, I swipe left. Based on nothing more than they silly idea that, I've never been able to afford it so they'll probably not be interested in me anyway. Ridiculous I know. |
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"At minimum a decent level of education
Ive dated idiots and it’s fucking hard work
Does decent level of education equal intelligent? "
It definitely helps, although I guess your right. The biggest idiot I dated went to a top 5 university
A level of intelligence, common sense etc etc |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
"At minimum a decent level of education
Ive dated idiots and it’s fucking hard work
Does decent level of education equal intelligent? "
No, not at all ... the education system doesn't suit everyone and I find that just because someone left at whatever age, doesn't mean less intelligence compared to those who stay in academia to be professors etc. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"At minimum a decent level of education
Ive dated idiots and it’s fucking hard work
Does decent level of education equal intelligent?
No, not at all ... the education system doesn't suit everyone and I find that just because someone left at whatever age, doesn't mean less intelligence compared to those who stay in academia to be professors etc."
I absolutely agree, I don’t think intelligence is measured in your level of education, and for me emotional intelligence is more important. |
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Common ground or a connection?
I don't necessarily want someone that does or likes everything that I like. I want to have my own things and the same for them too.
We need similar attitudes, life experiences and expectations.
I need a never ending spark not a female version of me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A compatible sense of humour would probably be the standout one for me.
I could work around most other issues but if you can’t laugh together then it’s never going anywhere. "
This is what I think. It’s a bit of a dealbreaker |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Common ground or a connection?
I don't necessarily want someone that does or likes everything that I like. I want to have my own things and the same for them too.
We need similar attitudes, life experiences and expectations.
I need a never ending spark not a female version of me."
I agree with you, it’s important to have your own interests too, and the ability to have your own space. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
The women I've dated have all been a mixed bag.. on the whole if sex, humour education, looks/outlook wasn't there it was going anywhere. You found out if the sex was any good later on and the relationship either died or carried on.
There wasn't much need to have things in common if you could laugh and chat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Shared values (morals and ethics) are important. Someone who believes in doing the right thing whether or not it serves their interests.
Compatible lifestyles, eg, a party animal v quieter lifestyle or someone into health and fitness v someone who doesn't exercise and eats crap food.
Similar sense of humour, ie, general observational humour v someone who just takes the piss out of everyone. |
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A shared sense of humour is vital, as if there are disagreements it's a great diffuser. We have different hobbies but do share parts of them. For us I think it's important that we have a similar idea of how to bring up children. We don't always agree but are both pretty laid back so don't often argue |
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By *for2Man
over a year ago
Bristol |
"At minimum a decent level of education
Ive dated idiots and it’s fucking hard work
Does decent level of education equal intelligent? "
Not at all OP generally speaking nowadays education is about memory retention. Not, about being taught to think or extrapolate from your thoughts, what you hear, see or read. True intelligence has nothing to do with education and everything to do with how you think. |
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Me and my significant other basically do everything together. We're pretty much inseparable. I rely on them for so much in life, from simple things like opening a bottle or tying my shoes, to fixing things like my car. I really couldn't be with them. Obviously after so many years together the sex isn't what it once was perhaps, but it's still enjoyable even if it's a lot less often than when we were younger.
Thank you, right hand, almost 49 years together and still going strong. Even helped type this post. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"At minimum a decent level of education
Ive dated idiots and it’s fucking hard work
Does decent level of education equal intelligent?
Not at all OP generally speaking nowadays education is about memory retention. Not, about being taught to think or extrapolate from your thoughts, what you hear, see or read. True intelligence has nothing to do with education and everything to do with how you think."
I was asking him the question, I don’t think education =intelligence |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A shared sense of humour is vital, as if there are disagreements it's a great diffuser. We have different hobbies but do share parts of them. For us I think it's important that we have a similar idea of how to bring up children. We don't always agree but are both pretty laid back so don't often argue"
Totally agree with all this. |
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"Common ground or a connection?
I don't necessarily want someone that does or likes everything that I like. I want to have my own things and the same for them too.
We need similar attitudes, life experiences and expectations.
I need a never ending spark not a female version of me.
I agree with you, it’s important to have your own interests too, and the ability to have your own space. "
Totally. Being given time for yourself to do what you want or need is massive, shame it took me so long to realise that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Are we talking relationship or FWB or FB?
What is NSA anyway, personally I think the moment you draw or receive attention on common ground you are creating strings |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For a real relationship, the thing I’ve realised (too late) is that shared interests and hobbies are just a cherry on top, and can actually be bad. Shared OUTLOOK, on the other hand, sharing a similar level of pessimism and ways of thinking about anything and everything else, that’s where the money is |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Are we talking relationship or FWB or FB?
What is NSA anyway, personally I think the moment you draw or receive attention on common ground you are creating strings"
Relationships  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"For a real relationship, the thing I’ve realised (too late) is that shared interests and hobbies are just a cherry on top, and can actually be bad. Shared OUTLOOK, on the other hand, sharing a similar level of pessimism and ways of thinking about anything and everything else, that’s where the money is"
I hear that, I’d have said levels of optimism, but similar  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are we talking relationship or FWB or FB?
What is NSA anyway, personally I think the moment you draw or receive attention on common ground you are creating strings
Relationships "
Rightio, in that case, you can share anything and everything that makes you happy, but to me a key factor is respecting each others space and individuality...if you can and allowed to still operate independently then that relationship will succeed no matter what is thrown at it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Connection, communication and respect. Obviously attraction too but so long as you make the effort to keep those things alive, you're onto a winner. Find someone who believes in you, even when you don't. A soul mate and your best friend... that it just so happens that the only thing you don't want to take off of her is your eyes |
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"Certain things in a relationship?
Shared sense of humour…
Hobbies…
Moral and ethics…
Are there any dealbreakers for you, anything you absolutely have to have in common."
I think humour is important as it effects many aspects of our lives.
Shared values especially if children are involved
I would also add honesty not matter how difficult the conversation is.
BG |
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By *ack688Man
over a year ago
abruzzo Italy (and UK) |
Depends what depth of relationship we’re talking about but anything serious and long term needs to have the same opinions on politics, religion/spirituality, sport, family, as well as having pretty much all the same tastes and interests as well as similar humour etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"At minimum a decent level of education
Ive dated idiots and it’s fucking hard work
Does decent level of education equal intelligent?
It definitely helps, although I guess your right. The biggest idiot I dated went to a top 5 university
A level of intelligence, common sense etc etc "
I dated a senior UNI lecturer and she had no common sense and was propper dizzy but i really liked that about her, she was fun and naturally funny |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Are we talking relationship or FWB or FB?
What is NSA anyway, personally I think the moment you draw or receive attention on common ground you are creating strings
Relationships
Rightio, in that case, you can share anything and everything that makes you happy, but to me a key factor is respecting each others space and individuality...if you can and allowed to still operate independently then that relationship will succeed no matter what is thrown at it"
Absolutely  ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are we talking relationship or FWB or FB?
What is NSA anyway, personally I think the moment you draw or receive attention on common ground you are creating strings
Relationships
Rightio, in that case, you can share anything and everything that makes you happy, but to me a key factor is respecting each others space and individuality...if you can and allowed to still operate independently then that relationship will succeed no matter what is thrown at it
Absolutely ! "
She agrees, grab your coat, ya man awaits |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"At minimum a decent level of education
Ive dated idiots and it’s fucking hard work
Does decent level of education equal intelligent? "
No I have 2 degrees and far more dopey than I'd like to imagine and have zero common sense according to my mother |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Certain things in a relationship?
Shared sense of humour…
Hobbies…
Moral and ethics…
Are there any dealbreakers for you, anything you absolutely have to have in common.
I think humour is important as it effects many aspects of our lives.
Shared values especially if children are involved
I would also add honesty not matter how difficult the conversation is.
BG"
Yes, open and honest communication is probably the most important thing to have in common. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Certain things in a relationship?
Shared sense of humour…
Hobbies…
Moral and ethics…
Are there any dealbreakers for you, anything you absolutely have to have in common."
All of these things are incredibly important in a relationship
Especially the morals/ethnics, not sure how anyone could sleep at night knowing their partners morals don't aline with there's |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For a real relationship, the thing I’ve realised (too late) is that shared interests and hobbies are just a cherry on top, and can actually be bad. Shared OUTLOOK, on the other hand, sharing a similar level of pessimism and ways of thinking about anything and everything else, that’s where the money is
I hear that, I’d have said levels of optimism, but similar "
Hard to describe it in some ways but it’s HOW you think not WHAT. Oh and she has to be able to bake a cake |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’d say the same Hippy - humour, hobbies and morals/ethics. Also relationship and friendship wise, I don’t really match with very materialistic people. That’s a big deal breaker for me… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think I’d struggle without shared laughter. Or attractive qualities like being ‘nice’ or ‘kind’ to others etc.
Passion for living too, not just sat on the fence and letting it pass by, with time and space to appreciate it too though. |
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"At minimum a decent level of education
Ive dated idiots and it’s fucking hard work
Does decent level of education equal intelligent?
No I have 2 degrees and far more dopey than I'd like to imagine and have zero common sense according to my mother "
I’ve definitely noticed that what degrees people have make s huge difference. Some are easier than others and it’s a hood indicator of someone intelligence
But as others have says, and I agree, it’s not all that matters. A well read person that only scraped through their GCSEs could be incredibly intelligent |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I seem to forgive most things for the right woman
Forgive? Does that mean you set aside your own wants/needs?"
no big meaning just sometimes you just have to do what you have to do more compromise short term pain for long term gain that kind of thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’d say the same Hippy - humour, hobbies and morals/ethics. Also relationship and friendship wise, I don’t really match with very materialistic people. That’s a big deal breaker for me…"
I was with a very materialistic person for 19 years. Never again. I'm with you there. That's part of shared values, at least for me. |
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You need to have something in common, a shared interest or hobby maybe but not everything in common. Each person needs their own thing to enjoy but time together should be fun as well.
There has to be honesty, in everything that you share, leaving aside silly stuff like surprises.
And there has to be mutual trust.
Differences in intelligence and humour are just character traits.
A similar outlook on life is another but that is open to change… |
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Found myself thinking about this more than I should. On a serious note, I see it as a Venn diagram. No two people will ever have a complete overlap but as long as there's something that binds you together there's a chance it can work.
As someone who came out of an abusive relationship a couple of years ago I find it hard to trust anyone ever again, regardless of their values. Honesty only goes skin deep. I've built up my life around myself now and I'm not going to compromise on that again. Unfortunately it leads to a very solitary existence. Fab obviously isn't the solution, there's always someone "more" here.
So I think what's needed in a relationship is love. Unconditional love. And acceptance that you can't ever change the other person and you shouldn't want to change the other person. Accept each other for what you are, and if it doesn't work move on.
If you have all that, then you are truly fortunate. |
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A shared sense of humour is essential. I couldn't be doing with a boring person who didn't get my humour, or who didn't have a sense of humour. Laughter is so important in life. My husband makes me heartedly laugh everyday and that's how he first attracted me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been chatting with my lovely ex this morning and we still share the same sense of humour, values and outlook on the world. That's what drew us together. Distance and another factor split us up. But that's what I'd look for again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Someone who I can connect with, laugh with, drink with, exercise with, do activities with and of course have vast amounts of experimental sex with, will do me just dandy please.... |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
Humour is an absolute must for me, friendship, laughter, that ability to be silly around each other, a laidback, chilled vibe
Passion is another, I love people who have an interest that they speak about and there eyes light up, you can see there love for that subject or activity and it makes there smile widen when they talk about it - I don’t need to share the same passion but I love to hear about the things that make a person tick
Ambition/drive - I adore people with dreams, hopes, wishes and the get up and go to do something about them - that is an attractive quality to me.
Happy go lucky folks who love life, the creative souls - there my kind of people xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Intelligence is a must for me, but emotional intelligence is non-negotiable. I have it, and would expect others to match me in that regard.
I think I’d struggle to be with someone who needs to be on the go the whole time. Down time is important to me, and I’m such a homebody. The other day at work, I kept thinking about how I couldn’t wait to be back in my flat
He would have to be a good parent, as that’s an important shared value. Family means a lot to me.
Other than that, kindness and humour are everything! Would like to meet someone to go on holiday with, and who would open me up to new experiences. A love of music and reading would be also be great.
And if he’s good at cooking and DIY, you’d have to hold me back!
I don’t know if this has been picked up on in the forum, but cheating is another no-no for me. I refer you back to the all important honesty! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You need to have something in common, a shared interest or hobby maybe but not everything in common. Each person needs their own thing to enjoy but time together should be fun as well.
There has to be honesty, in everything that you share, leaving aside silly stuff like surprises.
And there has to be mutual trust.
Differences in intelligence and humour are just character traits.
A similar outlook on life is another but that is open to change…"
Couple goals |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Intelligence is a must for me, but emotional intelligence is non-negotiable. I have it, and would expect others to match me in that regard.
I think I’d struggle to be with someone who needs to be on the go the whole time. Down time is important to me, and I’m such a homebody. The other day at work, I kept thinking about how I couldn’t wait to be back in my flat
He would have to be a good parent, as that’s an important shared value. Family means a lot to me.
Other than that, kindness and humour are everything! Would like to meet someone to go on holiday with, and who would open me up to new experiences. A love of music and reading would be also be great.
And if he’s good at cooking and DIY, you’d have to hold me back!
I don’t know if this has been picked up on in the forum, but cheating is another no-no for me. I refer you back to the all important honesty!"
Awww |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If they can’t make me howl with laughter there’s no point
Coupled with a love of all things marmite
Don’t forget the Lada "
Mines so old it's a Moskavich |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Same what shared sense of humou
Hobbies aren’t a big deal each should have they own
Also if they a hobbie that I haven’t tryed yet or something can be fun to learn so you can share the experience with them
moral and ethics that depends on them
If they want full open both ways
Hafe open both ways
Or fully closed off
Full open both ways would be we both free to have sex with both men and woman off or choose obviously leting the other know afterwards
Have open would be the same concept only the other needs to ok it first
And closed off well that’s easy
I wouldn’t expect them to cheat
If they fancy changing the dynamic for a split second to ither one they can be
You know I seen this nice guy I would like to open the dynamic for a one off then perfect fine
So they get one I get one then close it back off again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Found myself thinking about this more than I should. On a serious note, I see it as a Venn diagram. No two people will ever have a complete overlap but as long as there's something that binds you together there's a chance it can work.
As someone who came out of an abusive relationship a couple of years ago I find it hard to trust anyone ever again, regardless of their values. Honesty only goes skin deep. I've built up my life around myself now and I'm not going to compromise on that again. Unfortunately it leads to a very solitary existence. Fab obviously isn't the solution, there's always someone "more" here.
So I think what's needed in a relationship is love. Unconditional love. And acceptance that you can't ever change the other person and you shouldn't want to change the other person. Accept each other for what you are, and if it doesn't work move on.
If you have all that, then you are truly fortunate."
I think unconditional love is a bit of a catch 22 sitch. Unconditional means they can do anything and you'll still love them? I think there are certain boundaries needed for sure, so not unconditional....? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A deal breaker for me is honesty. I need someone who's on that same level and will always be straight with me whether I want to hear it or not. I don't do lying or game playing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Found myself thinking about this more than I should. On a serious note, I see it as a Venn diagram. No two people will ever have a complete overlap but as long as there's something that binds you together there's a chance it can work.
As someone who came out of an abusive relationship a couple of years ago I find it hard to trust anyone ever again, regardless of their values. Honesty only goes skin deep. I've built up my life around myself now and I'm not going to compromise on that again. Unfortunately it leads to a very solitary existence. Fab obviously isn't the solution, there's always someone "more" here.
So I think what's needed in a relationship is love. Unconditional love. And acceptance that you can't ever change the other person and you shouldn't want to change the other person. Accept each other for what you are, and if it doesn't work move on.
If you have all that, then you are truly fortunate.
I think unconditional love is a bit of a catch 22 sitch. Unconditional means they can do anything and you'll still love them? I think there are certain boundaries needed for sure, so not unconditional....? "
unconditional love is a hard place to live in |
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Apart from His dashing looks, sparkling blue eyes and sexy demeanour D wooed me with his charm and humour when we first met. He made me laugh so much and still does. He is a joker!
We shared the same interest in many things and our friendship turned to love. We have similar morals/ethics and work well as a team. This is probably why we are celebrating 25 years together this month.
We know we are blessed. We have lived. And continue to explore our fantasies. 
Jo.Xx |
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"Found myself thinking about this more than I should. On a serious note, I see it as a Venn diagram. No two people will ever have a complete overlap but as long as there's something that binds you together there's a chance it can work.
As someone who came out of an abusive relationship a couple of years ago I find it hard to trust anyone ever again, regardless of their values. Honesty only goes skin deep. I've built up my life around myself now and I'm not going to compromise on that again. Unfortunately it leads to a very solitary existence. Fab obviously isn't the solution, there's always someone "more" here.
So I think what's needed in a relationship is love. Unconditional love. And acceptance that you can't ever change the other person and you shouldn't want to change the other person. Accept each other for what you are, and if it doesn't work move on.
If you have all that, then you are truly fortunate.
I think unconditional love is a bit of a catch 22 sitch. Unconditional means they can do anything and you'll still love them? I think there are certain boundaries needed for sure, so not unconditional....? "
Obviously it has to go both ways.
Never mind me, old and bitter these days. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Apart from His dashing looks, sparkling blue eyes and sexy demeanour D wooed me with his charm and humour when we first met. He made me laugh so much and still does. He is a joker!
We shared the same interest in many things and our friendship turned to love. We have similar morals/ethics and work well as a team. This is probably why we are celebrating 25 years together this month.
We know we are blessed. We have lived. And continue to explore our fantasies.
Jo.Xx "
Couple goals with you two |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Talking is massive for me. There’s nothing better than when conversation is effortless.
I have a unique sense of humour so I need someone who either shares that or at least gets it.
It helps if we hate the same things too because I love a rant every now and again |
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I think (now) it’s very important you share a lot of the same interests/morals/beliefs/outlook/sexual appetite.
You are effectively looking for a similar person as yourself unless you don’t think much of yourself of course
K
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only one thing we need in common. She needs to have big tits to match my big love
You big romantic
I’d bum your hole  
Time and place? "
You? Here and now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Certain things in a relationship?
Shared sense of humour…
Hobbies…
Moral and ethics…
Are there any dealbreakers for you, anything you absolutely have to have in common."
Music for me is a deal-breaker tbh , if the other person doesn't have the same interest in the music l love it's bye bye because over time it just doesn't work . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think (now) it’s very important you share a lot of the same interests/morals/beliefs/outlook/sexual appetite.
You are effectively looking for a similar person as yourself unless you don’t think much of yourself of course
K
"
I've never looked for someone like me. People can have a completely different personality but still share values and a sense of humour. It's just how you get along. The sparkle between you. |
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Hygiene for me and lady in the street freak in the bedroom.
In a serious relationship, someone who is open-minded, caring, sweet, happy, ambitious, sexy, and smart with a playful smile. So superwoman
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Apart from His dashing looks, sparkling blue eyes and sexy demeanour D wooed me with his charm and humour when we first met. He made me laugh so much and still does. He is a joker!
We shared the same interest in many things and our friendship turned to love. We have similar morals/ethics and work well as a team. This is probably why we are celebrating 25 years together this month.
We know we are blessed. We have lived. And continue to explore our fantasies.
Jo.Xx "
This is lovely to read, you pair set a great example xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only one thing we need in common. She needs to have big tits to match my big love
You big romantic
I’d bum your hole
Time and place? "
Time = 30mins
Place = Your hole |
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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago
A world all of his own |
"Certain things in a relationship?
Shared sense of humour…
Hobbies…
Moral and ethics…
Are there any dealbreakers for you, anything you absolutely have to have in common."
Sense of humour and morals/ethics definitely, hobbies don't especially bother me. If they're passionate about their hobbies etc that's probably more important because even if I don't "get" their hobby, the passion is always wonderful to see.
Other than that, honesty and being open mean a great deal (read, everything), as does communication. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Certain things in a relationship?
Shared sense of humour…
Hobbies…
Moral and ethics…
Are there any dealbreakers for you, anything you absolutely have to have in common.
Sense of humour and morals/ethics definitely, hobbies don't especially bother me. If they're passionate about their hobbies etc that's probably more important because even if I don't "get" their hobby, the passion is always wonderful to see.
Other than that, honesty and being open mean a great deal (read, everything), as does communication. "
Love this reply |
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I think it’s good to have compromise, and an understanding of the other person, especially with their hobbies/spare time. But I’m quite confident in saying every relationship is and has a learning period ( as I’m every day is a school day), you’re as open as you can be (some find this hard), have a great sex life, both are happy, and willing to do things together, but not be in each other’s pockets. I’d say that’s a good base to start from |
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Being able to see eye to eye.
And that's not a heightist thing 
Appreciating each other for their opinions and values and finding common ground 
Generally if you make me laugh, then you're half way there |
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More or less same values and outlook on life have only had 2 real relationships and they were both opinionated men plus one was a racist bigot! Mind u I don't intend to have another real relationship in this life!lol x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Openness and someone who supports the things that are important to you and is happy to listen. Worst relationship I ever had was with someone who never expressed how they were feeling. |
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