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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not dick but the other one just as funny tho jim carrey me myself and irene
"Price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. I repeat: price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. That's Vagiclean. We've got a customer down here with a full-on fallopian fungus. She's baking a loaf of bread and I think it's sourdough.” |
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Is my cock exquisite?
Oh, cos I think it's f***ing exquisite.
I think it's a f***ing work of art.
Like a Renoir.
Or a Picasso.
The painting of my cock should hang at the Louvre.
They should study my cock in art classes, spend whole courses... studying the splendid contours of its exquisiteness, don't you think?
They should also study my cock in science class cos it defies nature.
My cock is hard.
It's metal, it's steel, it's titanium.
It does not break.
It does not weaken.
My cock can stand all day like a good soldier trying to impress his superiors.
If my cock could win a medal, it would.
If they could name a school after it, it should.
If it could save small Somali children from starving, it would and should, and it'll have a Nobel f***ing Peace Prize for it, the first such prize ever given to a cock.
My Nobel Prize-winning cock’s like a cheetah, all sleek and dangerous and deadly.
Sonnets should be written about how dangerous my cheetah cock is.
Poems, plays.
Wars should be won over it, kingdoms fallen because of it.
My cock is lightning. It is fire.
It is a volcano brewing with the sacred semen, lava...
Sugar and spice and all things... nice.
Sorry for the lack of warning, dearie.
Things happen.
(Dom Hemingway - Opening Monologue) |
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