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Femininity
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Gaaad, it’s only 8.41AM and I’m sorry to make such threads but I’m Interested to know your view about this topic,
Men, how do you view femininity and can there too much of it? Are you attracted to it and do you think it’s a powerful trait that a woman has?
Ladies, do you embrace your own femininity? And do you enjoy indulging in it ? Or are you afraid to show it? If so , why?
Femininity is a mixture of loads of things, from traits, like being sensitive and caring (for example). To the way you carry yourself (so mannerism etc) to how you present yourself to the world.
Personally, I’ve always been very attracted by it, and since I was a child, I was like a magpie attracted to shiny things. And I realise now, that to overcompensate how I was born (if you know what I mean) I guess I fell without realising , into the hyper femininity trap.
I am very comfortable in it mind u, and it makes me good about myself (and it’s not an act it’s just how I was brought up I guess) so I won’t complain.
But I’d like to have opinions about your own femininity and how some of you (men and women) view it
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The important thing and how I see it is if its making you feel good about yourself then that's what matters. Embrace it as much or as little as you need to. If you're feeling good and confident in it that's what I react to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't think I'm particularly feminine.
In terms of how I present myself with clothes, etc I can go from a floaty wee summer dress and sandals, to leather trousers, high heeled boots and a bustier on a night out. Day to day, my dress sense can be quite androgynous.
I have very short hair. I love make up. As I've got older I've realised that I find a lot of women extremely hard work so possibly get on with men better which I'd never have thought possible 20yrs ago.
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According to society's view on femininity I am more masculine.
This is down to my height, build and independent protective caretaker personality, I don't need a man to do these things for me as I want to do them, which is Inherently masculine.
So I identify more with an amazonian aura of sexual awareness
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd live in hoody and joggers if I could. To be fair I do most of the time.
Even when going out I'd just wear jeans and t-shirt.
Not into jewelry, shoes, handbags, never get my nails done etc.
But I like make up!
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"According to society's view on femininity I am more masculine.
This is down to my height, build and independent protective caretaker personality, I don't need a man to do these things for me as I want to do them, which is Inherently masculine.
So I identify more with an amazonian aura of sexual awareness
"
^
She’s a Big Bird.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know I don't represent the common man. But I love women who have more of what the society calls masculine characteristics. Someone who takes control and makes decisions. Being in control exhausts me. I prefer tge women to do it for me. I also like women who are strong and broad shouldered. The only commonly agreed feminine trait I love is the dressing and other cosmetic aspects like nail polish, etc. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How are we defining femininity?"
Mixture of traits as explained above
How do we define masculine? It’s also a mixture of lots of traits, from the way someone is , to the way they carry themselves |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How are we defining femininity?
From the OP, looks like we're being asked to comment on our own definition of it and how we view it."
Yes! Also this |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
Day to day I have a very androgynous look, I have shaven short hair, quite sharp facial features and I enjoy playing around with the way I dress. I’m a big fan of suits, crisp white shirts, doc martens, leather trousers, band T-shirts..but I will add feminine touches to the look in my accessories and make up. On the flip side of that I love classy lbd, stockings and heels for a night out - in terms of my personality I am strong willed, confident and I don’t take any shit but I have a big heart and would do anything for those close to me xx |
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The only femininity I'm comfortable defining as such is performative femininity - dressing up, etc. I enjoy that very much. It's a costume I don for my own amusement.
The emotional/attribute stuff - meh. People are people, who may be conditioned more one way or another, but I don't think any personality traits are the main domain of any gender. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Day to day I have a very androgynous look, I have shaven short hair, quite sharp facial features and I enjoy playing around with the way I dress. I’m a big fan of suits, crisp white shirts, doc martens, leather trousers, band T-shirts..but I will add feminine touches to the look in my accessories and make up. On the flip side of that I love classy lbd, stockings and heels for a night out - in terms of my personality I am strong willed, confident and I don’t take any shit but I have a big heart and would do anything for those close to me xx"
I like that you mix it up and I don’t know you personally, but you give off an incredible feminine aura |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The only femininity I'm comfortable defining as such is performative femininity - dressing up, etc. I enjoy that very much. It's a costume I don for my own amusement.
The emotional/attribute stuff - meh. People are people, who may be conditioned more one way or another, but I don't think any personality traits are the main domain of any gender."
But on a broad spectrum, we can sort of agree that certain traits can be considered more feminine.
Like sensitivity, intuition , empathy (obviously these are traits found in males as well - but they would be feminine energy traits)
Or a woman can give off more masculine energy |
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"The only femininity I'm comfortable defining as such is performative femininity - dressing up, etc. I enjoy that very much. It's a costume I don for my own amusement.
The emotional/attribute stuff - meh. People are people, who may be conditioned more one way or another, but I don't think any personality traits are the main domain of any gender.
But on a broad spectrum, we can sort of agree that certain traits can be considered more feminine.
Like sensitivity, intuition , empathy (obviously these are traits found in males as well - but they would be feminine energy traits)
Or a woman can give off more masculine energy "
I agree that society has labelled these things masculine and feminine. I don't agree that they are. |
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I am a woman and feminine. I'm also fiercely protective of family and friends but still feminine. I'm also a business owner but still feminine. I don't need any masculine traits to be who I am....maybe I dont understand the question. |
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"According to society's view on femininity I am more masculine.
This is down to my height, build and independent protective caretaker personality, I don't need a man to do these things for me as I want to do them, which is Inherently masculine.
So I identify more with an amazonian aura of sexual awareness
^
She’s a Big Bird. "
She is indeed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Gaaad, it’s only 8.41AM and I’m sorry to make such threads but I’m Interested to know your view about this topic,
Men, how do you view femininity and can there too much of it? Are you attracted to it and do you think it’s a powerful trait that a woman has?
Ladies, do you embrace your own femininity? And do you enjoy indulging in it ? Or are you afraid to show it? If so , why?
Femininity is a mixture of loads of things, from traits, like being sensitive and caring (for example). To the way you carry yourself (so mannerism etc) to how you present yourself to the world.
Personally, I’ve always been very attracted by it, and since I was a child, I was like a magpie attracted to shiny things. And I realise now, that to overcompensate how I was born (if you know what I mean) I guess I fell without realising , into the hyper femininity trap.
I am very comfortable in it mind u, and it makes me good about myself (and it’s not an act it’s just how I was brought up I guess) so I won’t complain.
But I’d like to have opinions about your own femininity and how some of you (men and women) view it
"
I don't think you'll find many guys attracted to women who don't find femininity attractive, but obviously there are other traits and personalities that are attractive too. It's a lot abit of spectrum as with everything really. You click with someone or you don't |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The only femininity I'm comfortable defining as such is performative femininity - dressing up, etc. I enjoy that very much. It's a costume I don for my own amusement.
The emotional/attribute stuff - meh. People are people, who may be conditioned more one way or another, but I don't think any personality traits are the main domain of any gender.
But on a broad spectrum, we can sort of agree that certain traits can be considered more feminine.
Like sensitivity, intuition , empathy (obviously these are traits found in males as well - but they would be feminine energy traits)
Or a woman can give off more masculine energy
I agree that society has labelled these things masculine and feminine. I don't agree that they are. "
I agree and don’t agree at the same time. I always felt, that with males, their understanding and sensitivity always reached a certain point. And after that, even the most sensitive man, just wouldn’t get it.
Unlike women who really got it and vice versa. Maybe I’m wrong to say this and I just met men with the sensitivity of a shoe sole  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am a woman and feminine. I'm also fiercely protective of family and friends but still feminine. I'm also a business owner but still feminine. I don't need any masculine traits to be who I am....maybe I dont understand the question."
To boil it all down… My question was. how do you perceive your own femininity?
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
"Day to day I have a very androgynous look, I have shaven short hair, quite sharp facial features and I enjoy playing around with the way I dress. I’m a big fan of suits, crisp white shirts, doc martens, leather trousers, band T-shirts..but I will add feminine touches to the look in my accessories and make up. On the flip side of that I love classy lbd, stockings and heels for a night out - in terms of my personality I am strong willed, confident and I don’t take any shit but I have a big heart and would do anything for those close to me xx
I like that you mix it up and I don’t know you personally, but you give off an incredible feminine aura "
Aww thank you Kylie that made me smile! I think you are an utter goddess! And I could totally imagine you living out your days dripping in lace lingerie, silk robes and pearls just looking fabulous! Xx |
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"The only femininity I'm comfortable defining as such is performative femininity - dressing up, etc. I enjoy that very much. It's a costume I don for my own amusement.
The emotional/attribute stuff - meh. People are people, who may be conditioned more one way or another, but I don't think any personality traits are the main domain of any gender.
But on a broad spectrum, we can sort of agree that certain traits can be considered more feminine.
Like sensitivity, intuition , empathy (obviously these are traits found in males as well - but they would be feminine energy traits)
Or a woman can give off more masculine energy
I agree that society has labelled these things masculine and feminine. I don't agree that they are.
I agree and don’t agree at the same time. I always felt, that with males, their understanding and sensitivity always reached a certain point. And after that, even the most sensitive man, just wouldn’t get it.
Unlike women who really got it and vice versa. Maybe I’m wrong to say this and I just met men with the sensitivity of a shoe sole "
I think that conditioning plays a role here - but none of it is necessarily inevitable. We label things and determine our behaviour depending on those labels. And thus stigmatise those who fall outside those labels |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Day to day I have a very androgynous look, I have shaven short hair, quite sharp facial features and I enjoy playing around with the way I dress. I’m a big fan of suits, crisp white shirts, doc martens, leather trousers, band T-shirts..but I will add feminine touches to the look in my accessories and make up. On the flip side of that I love classy lbd, stockings and heels for a night out - in terms of my personality I am strong willed, confident and I don’t take any shit but I have a big heart and would do anything for those close to me xx
I like that you mix it up and I don’t know you personally, but you give off an incredible feminine aura
Aww thank you Kylie that made me smile! I think you are an utter goddess! And I could totally imagine you living out your days dripping in lace lingerie, silk robes and pearls just looking fabulous! Xx"
Haha funny u say it but yeah pretty much! My little brother’s gf was in awe at my pearl headband (which I am obsessed with and just love wearing it whenever ) |
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I do like a woman who has soft and delicate skin, wrapped around in colourful dresses, who is gentle and kind ( all traits that fall more towards the "feminine" structure that society visualises), yet not afraid to get her hands "dirty", lift some weights with me, climb mountains with me, put some boxing gloves on and hit the heavy bag... |
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"How are we defining femininity?
From the OP, looks like we're being asked to comment on our own definition of it and how we view it.
Yes it does, I've reread now "
Reflecting on your forum posts over the years, how you talk, dress, respond etc. My perception of you is a feminine woman. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've always been an incredibly independent strong woman, more than capable of looking after myself.
D and myself have only been dating a few months and he's definitely bringing out a more traditional feminine, softer side of me which I'm beginning to love now I've got over the shock of someone else wanting to take care of me.
Physically I'm a mixture, I love to look girly sometimes and others it's all about comfort |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The only femininity I'm comfortable defining as such is performative femininity - dressing up, etc. I enjoy that very much. It's a costume I don for my own amusement.
The emotional/attribute stuff - meh. People are people, who may be conditioned more one way or another, but I don't think any personality traits are the main domain of any gender.
But on a broad spectrum, we can sort of agree that certain traits can be considered more feminine.
Like sensitivity, intuition , empathy (obviously these are traits found in males as well - but they would be feminine energy traits)
Or a woman can give off more masculine energy
I agree that society has labelled these things masculine and feminine. I don't agree that they are.
I agree and don’t agree at the same time. I always felt, that with males, their understanding and sensitivity always reached a certain point. And after that, even the most sensitive man, just wouldn’t get it.
Unlike women who really got it and vice versa. Maybe I’m wrong to say this and I just met men with the sensitivity of a shoe sole
I think that conditioning plays a role here - but none of it is necessarily inevitable. We label things and determine our behaviour depending on those labels. And thus stigmatise those who fall outside those labels"
I don’t think it’s something particularly to stigmatise, a man can be sensitive and yet masculine as fuck.
But I stand my ground on saying, I found personally (I only lived 30 years of my life, so maybe I’ll find a man who will make me rethink this) their sensitivity reaches a certain point
My bff (who I share a brain on iCloud we are that connected) also said the same thing |
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By *rReyMan
over a year ago
Fleet |
I'd say I don't particularly have a type that way. If you are feminine or androgynous or other it should be about what makes you feel good and confident about yourself. If I was to have a type it would be about confidence. |
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"How are we defining femininity?
Mixture of traits as explained above
How do we define masculine? It’s also a mixture of lots of traits, from the way someone is , to the way they carry themselves "
Right.
My personal opinion is that femininity and masculinity are clearly different but not traits that any particular gender needs to display to prove that gender. I don't believe that outward appearance defines how feminine or masculine a person is in themselves.
Most of us are aware of the traditional f and m traits and how they've been attributed to men and women over the years but I hope that's slowly becoming less rigid in its application.
I perceive my feminine traits as a good thing and they're tempered by some masculine ones that I have in the course of my life been criticised for because "women don't behave like that".
I'm caring, a fairly good listener, I'll nurture if needed and I'm a negotiator not a fighter. However I won't stay quiet if I disagree, I'll stand my ground if I need to, I won't take bs from anybody and I'll kick your butt verbally if I need to.
I intensely dislike people vehi use their outward femininity or masculinity to manipulate
"Ooo I'm just a girl/boy I can't do that" bleurgh
|
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"Gaaad, it’s only 8.41AM and I’m sorry to make such threads but I’m Interested to know your view about this topic,
Men, how do you view femininity and can there too much of it? Are you attracted to it and do you think it’s a powerful trait that a woman has?
Ladies, do you embrace your own femininity? And do you enjoy indulging in it ? Or are you afraid to show it? If so , why?
Femininity is a mixture of loads of things, from traits, like being sensitive and caring (for example). To the way you carry yourself (so mannerism etc) to how you present yourself to the world.
Personally, I’ve always been very attracted by it, and since I was a child, I was like a magpie attracted to shiny things. And I realise now, that to overcompensate how I was born (if you know what I mean) I guess I fell without realising , into the hyper femininity trap.
I am very comfortable in it mind u, and it makes me good about myself (and it’s not an act it’s just how I was brought up I guess) so I won’t complain.
But I’d like to have opinions about your own femininity and how some of you (men and women) view it
"
Whatever makes you comfortable, confident and relaxed ... as that gives a great starting point for other things. A woman who is comfortable in her own skin is the sexiest thing in the world for me, and that comes in lots of different sizes, shapes and appearances |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is such an interesting thread, thanks OP for starting it!
For me personally, life has meant I've had to take on a very masculine energy when it comes to keeping myself safe and making all decisions etc. Funnily enough, upon reflection I realised that as I had to take on all that my style became far more feminine, having gone from being more of a tomboy my whole life to now pretty much only ever wearing classicly feminine clothing (I'm not saying they're just for women), I suppose as a way of balancing things out.
I absolutely love getting dolled up and looking and feeling pretty and I do it for me, not the male gaze.
Hoping to one day meet a man who will safely allow me to step back into my femininity again, a true leader rather than a ruler.  |
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"I am a woman and feminine. I'm also fiercely protective of family and friends but still feminine. I'm also a business owner but still feminine. I don't need any masculine traits to be who I am....maybe I dont understand the question.
To boil it all down… My question was. how do you perceive your own femininity?
"
Its who I am and I'm happy to be a woman and feminine. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is such an interesting thread, thanks OP for starting it!
For me personally, life has meant I've had to take on a very masculine energy when it comes to keeping myself safe and making all decisions etc. Funnily enough, upon reflection I realised that as I had to take on all that my style became far more feminine, having gone from being more of a tomboy my whole life to now pretty much only ever wearing classicly feminine clothing (I'm not saying they're just for women), I suppose as a way of balancing things out.
I absolutely love getting dolled up and looking and feeling pretty and I do it for me, not the male gaze.
Hoping to one day meet a man who will safely allow me to step back into my femininity again, a true leader rather than a ruler. "
I’m loving this reply!!!
And femininity is beautiful and powerful in its own way, and as you said if you embrace it for yourself and none else, and it makes you feel good, then that’s AMAZING! X
Really one of the best comments on here x |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"According to society's view on femininity I am more masculine.
This is down to my height, build and independent protective caretaker personality, I don't need a man to do these things for me as I want to do them, which is Inherently masculine.
So I identify more with an amazonian aura of sexual awareness
"
This for me too, except I don’t have a protective caretaker personality
Society/The Media has a very fixed idea of what femininity is (and actually so do a lot of people on Fab going on some posts I’ve read) and if you don’t conform to their idea of that, then they can be quite unpleasant.
But stuff them and their ideals. Embrace your feminine individualism is what I think. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"How are we defining femininity?
Mixture of traits as explained above
How do we define masculine? It’s also a mixture of lots of traits, from the way someone is , to the way they carry themselves
Right.
My personal opinion is that femininity and masculinity are clearly different but not traits that any particular gender needs to display to prove that gender. I don't believe that outward appearance defines how feminine or masculine a person is in themselves.
Most of us are aware of the traditional f and m traits and how they've been attributed to men and women over the years but I hope that's slowly becoming less rigid in its application.
I perceive my feminine traits as a good thing and they're tempered by some masculine ones that I have in the course of my life been criticised for because "women don't behave like that".
I'm caring, a fairly good listener, I'll nurture if needed and I'm a negotiator not a fighter. However I won't stay quiet if I disagree, I'll stand my ground if I need to, I won't take bs from anybody and I'll kick your butt verbally if I need to.
I intensely dislike people vehi use their outward femininity or masculinity to manipulate
"Ooo I'm just a girl/boy I can't do that" bleurgh
"
I agree with this (I think I understood it correctly).
Nothing wrong with associating feminine with women/female or masculine with men/male in terms as stereotypes to use as a quick reference to help describe a certain energy, action, or approach. Its short hand when it comes to descriptive and association. But neither is or should be permanently attached to either or.
Minimum sleep has my brain going slow, it makes sense in my head but struggling to word it how I view it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How are we defining femininity?
Mixture of traits as explained above
How do we define masculine? It’s also a mixture of lots of traits, from the way someone is , to the way they carry themselves
Right.
My personal opinion is that femininity and masculinity are clearly different but not traits that any particular gender needs to display to prove that gender. I don't believe that outward appearance defines how feminine or masculine a person is in themselves.
Most of us are aware of the traditional f and m traits and how they've been attributed to men and women over the years but I hope that's slowly becoming less rigid in its application.
I perceive my feminine traits as a good thing and they're tempered by some masculine ones that I have in the course of my life been criticised for because "women don't behave like that".
I'm caring, a fairly good listener, I'll nurture if needed and I'm a negotiator not a fighter. However I won't stay quiet if I disagree, I'll stand my ground if I need to, I won't take bs from anybody and I'll kick your butt verbally if I need to.
I intensely dislike people vehi use their outward femininity or masculinity to manipulate
"Ooo I'm just a girl/boy I can't do that" bleurgh
"
For sure, I think it has to come from within, it isn’t something somebody should force and be a caricature to prove that they are a man or a woman. Done that way, can be toxic
And this is from somebody, who had some point in my teen years I had to really reel in, because I was bullied for it. |
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"How are we defining femininity?
Mixture of traits as explained above
How do we define masculine? It’s also a mixture of lots of traits, from the way someone is , to the way they carry themselves
Right.
My personal opinion is that femininity and masculinity are clearly different but not traits that any particular gender needs to display to prove that gender. I don't believe that outward appearance defines how feminine or masculine a person is in themselves.
Most of us are aware of the traditional f and m traits and how they've been attributed to men and women over the years but I hope that's slowly becoming less rigid in its application.
I perceive my feminine traits as a good thing and they're tempered by some masculine ones that I have in the course of my life been criticised for because "women don't behave like that".
I'm caring, a fairly good listener, I'll nurture if needed and I'm a negotiator not a fighter. However I won't stay quiet if I disagree, I'll stand my ground if I need to, I won't take bs from anybody and I'll kick your butt verbally if I need to.
I intensely dislike people vehi use their outward femininity or masculinity to manipulate
"Ooo I'm just a girl/boy I can't do that" bleurgh
For sure, I think it has to come from within, it isn’t something somebody should force and be a caricature to prove that they are a man or a woman. Done that way, can be toxic
And this is from somebody, who had some point in my teen years I had to really reel in, because I was bullied for it. "
I can remember as a young woman feeling very much the odd one out because I wasn't doing the fluttery eyelash thing and applying mascara in the cloakroom mirror while crying because someone said something nasty. I felt a definite pressure to conform to that perception of femininity while my male counterparts were feeling the same pressure to conform to beer drinking emotionally dead sex machine stereotypes.
Have I looked too deeply in to this? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How are we defining femininity?
Mixture of traits as explained above
How do we define masculine? It’s also a mixture of lots of traits, from the way someone is , to the way they carry themselves
Right.
My personal opinion is that femininity and masculinity are clearly different but not traits that any particular gender needs to display to prove that gender. I don't believe that outward appearance defines how feminine or masculine a person is in themselves.
Most of us are aware of the traditional f and m traits and how they've been attributed to men and women over the years but I hope that's slowly becoming less rigid in its application.
I perceive my feminine traits as a good thing and they're tempered by some masculine ones that I have in the course of my life been criticised for because "women don't behave like that".
I'm caring, a fairly good listener, I'll nurture if needed and I'm a negotiator not a fighter. However I won't stay quiet if I disagree, I'll stand my ground if I need to, I won't take bs from anybody and I'll kick your butt verbally if I need to.
I intensely dislike people vehi use their outward femininity or masculinity to manipulate
"Ooo I'm just a girl/boy I can't do that" bleurgh
For sure, I think it has to come from within, it isn’t something somebody should force and be a caricature to prove that they are a man or a woman. Done that way, can be toxic
And this is from somebody, who had some point in my teen years I had to really reel in, because I was bullied for it.
I can remember as a young woman feeling very much the odd one out because I wasn't doing the fluttery eyelash thing and applying mascara in the cloakroom mirror while crying because someone said something nasty. I felt a definite pressure to conform to that perception of femininity while my male counterparts were feeling the same pressure to conform to beer drinking emotionally dead sex machine stereotypes.
Have I looked too deeply in to this? "
I don’t think you have, it’s part reality of it, especially in the younger years of our lives. To comform and to be a certain way that is stereotypically gendered. (Maybe things have changed for young kids nowadays? I don’t know)
So I totally get it, while for me it was the contrary, being naturally in tune with my femininity, and being assigned male at birth, obviously my peers were like “wtf is this”
I even had my own father (he was mostly very open and patient with my requests) at some point out of frustration say to me “why can’t you just be normal, like everybody else”
Which i didn’t and did understand to a certain degree.
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I don’t have the usual traits of feminity, hate shopping; don’t get excited over shoes/makeup I have the basics that I need and nothing more and wear it rarely; I don’t do typical female chat topics; have worn jeans or trousers 90% of my adult life, although until my mid 20s I would usually be found in skirts, I can count on one hand the times I’ve worn one since, not because I was a tomboy growing up, but other factors.
On the flip side I have a caring nature, almost motherly at times, always there to listen if needed. I dress in what I feel comfortable, confident and sexy in, not what someone else may deem sexy.
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"How are we defining femininity?
Mixture of traits as explained above
How do we define masculine? It’s also a mixture of lots of traits, from the way someone is , to the way they carry themselves
Right.
My personal opinion is that femininity and masculinity are clearly different but not traits that any particular gender needs to display to prove that gender. I don't believe that outward appearance defines how feminine or masculine a person is in themselves.
Most of us are aware of the traditional f and m traits and how they've been attributed to men and women over the years but I hope that's slowly becoming less rigid in its application.
I perceive my feminine traits as a good thing and they're tempered by some masculine ones that I have in the course of my life been criticised for because "women don't behave like that".
I'm caring, a fairly good listener, I'll nurture if needed and I'm a negotiator not a fighter. However I won't stay quiet if I disagree, I'll stand my ground if I need to, I won't take bs from anybody and I'll kick your butt verbally if I need to.
I intensely dislike people vehi use their outward femininity or masculinity to manipulate
"Ooo I'm just a girl/boy I can't do that" bleurgh
For sure, I think it has to come from within, it isn’t something somebody should force and be a caricature to prove that they are a man or a woman. Done that way, can be toxic
And this is from somebody, who had some point in my teen years I had to really reel in, because I was bullied for it.
I can remember as a young woman feeling very much the odd one out because I wasn't doing the fluttery eyelash thing and applying mascara in the cloakroom mirror while crying because someone said something nasty. I felt a definite pressure to conform to that perception of femininity while my male counterparts were feeling the same pressure to conform to beer drinking emotionally dead sex machine stereotypes.
Have I looked too deeply in to this?
I don’t think you have, it’s part reality of it, especially in the younger years of our lives. To comform and to be a certain way that is stereotypically gendered. (Maybe things have changed for young kids nowadays? I don’t know)
So I totally get it, while for me it was the contrary, being naturally in tune with my femininity, and being assigned male at birth, obviously my peers were like “wtf is this”
I even had my own father (he was mostly very open and patient with my requests) at some point out of frustration say to me “why can’t you just be normal, like everybody else”
Which i didn’t and did understand to a certain degree.
"
Oh dear. I understand to a degree too because as parents we want our kids to be individuals but we also don't want them to face any more difficulties than they need to. I guess that's where your dad's comments came from
I find the subject of m/f traits endlessly fascinating and even wrote an essay on if it could be inferred in the archaeological record of GB. Other people way more intelligent and informed than I am have produced much better work on it.
I find it interesting how people find different ways to express their m or f traits that makes it more socially acceptable according to their physical presentation too. |
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"My body has stopped me been feminine. Big bras,big knickers. Clothes that cover me. I tend to wear boots and me and makeup just don't get on  "
I personally don't think that's true. I think everyone possesses feminine traits. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How are we defining femininity?
Mixture of traits as explained above
How do we define masculine? It’s also a mixture of lots of traits, from the way someone is , to the way they carry themselves
Right.
My personal opinion is that femininity and masculinity are clearly different but not traits that any particular gender needs to display to prove that gender. I don't believe that outward appearance defines how feminine or masculine a person is in themselves.
Most of us are aware of the traditional f and m traits and how they've been attributed to men and women over the years but I hope that's slowly becoming less rigid in its application.
I perceive my feminine traits as a good thing and they're tempered by some masculine ones that I have in the course of my life been criticised for because "women don't behave like that".
I'm caring, a fairly good listener, I'll nurture if needed and I'm a negotiator not a fighter. However I won't stay quiet if I disagree, I'll stand my ground if I need to, I won't take bs from anybody and I'll kick your butt verbally if I need to.
I intensely dislike people vehi use their outward femininity or masculinity to manipulate
"Ooo I'm just a girl/boy I can't do that" bleurgh
For sure, I think it has to come from within, it isn’t something somebody should force and be a caricature to prove that they are a man or a woman. Done that way, can be toxic
And this is from somebody, who had some point in my teen years I had to really reel in, because I was bullied for it.
I can remember as a young woman feeling very much the odd one out because I wasn't doing the fluttery eyelash thing and applying mascara in the cloakroom mirror while crying because someone said something nasty. I felt a definite pressure to conform to that perception of femininity while my male counterparts were feeling the same pressure to conform to beer drinking emotionally dead sex machine stereotypes.
Have I looked too deeply in to this?
I don’t think you have, it’s part reality of it, especially in the younger years of our lives. To comform and to be a certain way that is stereotypically gendered. (Maybe things have changed for young kids nowadays? I don’t know)
So I totally get it, while for me it was the contrary, being naturally in tune with my femininity, and being assigned male at birth, obviously my peers were like “wtf is this”
I even had my own father (he was mostly very open and patient with my requests) at some point out of frustration say to me “why can’t you just be normal, like everybody else”
Which i didn’t and did understand to a certain degree.
Oh dear. I understand to a degree too because as parents we want our kids to be individuals but we also don't want them to face any more difficulties than they need to. I guess that's where your dad's comments came from
I find the subject of m/f traits endlessly fascinating and even wrote an essay on if it could be inferred in the archaeological record of GB. Other people way more intelligent and informed than I am have produced much better work on it.
I find it interesting how people find different ways to express their m or f traits that makes it more socially acceptable according to their physical presentation too. "
Yeah I mean I don’t know if he was just frustrated at my not conforming to the standard or if he really just wished I’d have been a boy and that’s it.
But as said my brain just couldn’t deal with it ( I was even put in an all volley ball girls team )
It’s definitely a fascinating topic, and I guess to me, because it was maybe demonised a bit in childhood, became important to my core to fully embrace this side of me x |
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"How are we defining femininity?
Mixture of traits as explained above
How do we define masculine? It’s also a mixture of lots of traits, from the way someone is , to the way they carry themselves
Right.
My personal opinion is that femininity and masculinity are clearly different but not traits that any particular gender needs to display to prove that gender. I don't believe that outward appearance defines how feminine or masculine a person is in themselves.
Most of us are aware of the traditional f and m traits and how they've been attributed to men and women over the years but I hope that's slowly becoming less rigid in its application.
I perceive my feminine traits as a good thing and they're tempered by some masculine ones that I have in the course of my life been criticised for because "women don't behave like that".
I'm caring, a fairly good listener, I'll nurture if needed and I'm a negotiator not a fighter. However I won't stay quiet if I disagree, I'll stand my ground if I need to, I won't take bs from anybody and I'll kick your butt verbally if I need to.
I intensely dislike people vehi use their outward femininity or masculinity to manipulate
"Ooo I'm just a girl/boy I can't do that" bleurgh
For sure, I think it has to come from within, it isn’t something somebody should force and be a caricature to prove that they are a man or a woman. Done that way, can be toxic
And this is from somebody, who had some point in my teen years I had to really reel in, because I was bullied for it.
I can remember as a young woman feeling very much the odd one out because I wasn't doing the fluttery eyelash thing and applying mascara in the cloakroom mirror while crying because someone said something nasty. I felt a definite pressure to conform to that perception of femininity while my male counterparts were feeling the same pressure to conform to beer drinking emotionally dead sex machine stereotypes.
Have I looked too deeply in to this?
I don’t think you have, it’s part reality of it, especially in the younger years of our lives. To comform and to be a certain way that is stereotypically gendered. (Maybe things have changed for young kids nowadays? I don’t know)
So I totally get it, while for me it was the contrary, being naturally in tune with my femininity, and being assigned male at birth, obviously my peers were like “wtf is this”
I even had my own father (he was mostly very open and patient with my requests) at some point out of frustration say to me “why can’t you just be normal, like everybody else”
Which i didn’t and did understand to a certain degree.
Oh dear. I understand to a degree too because as parents we want our kids to be individuals but we also don't want them to face any more difficulties than they need to. I guess that's where your dad's comments came from
I find the subject of m/f traits endlessly fascinating and even wrote an essay on if it could be inferred in the archaeological record of GB. Other people way more intelligent and informed than I am have produced much better work on it.
I find it interesting how people find different ways to express their m or f traits that makes it more socially acceptable according to their physical presentation too.
Yeah I mean I don’t know if he was just frustrated at my not conforming to the standard or if he really just wished I’d have been a boy and that’s it.
But as said my brain just couldn’t deal with it ( I was even put in an all volley ball girls team )
It’s definitely a fascinating topic, and I guess to me, because it was maybe demonised a bit in childhood, became important to my core to fully embrace this side of me x "
Yes I can understand that.
You've got one up on me because I was never put in an all girl's volley ball team . I did go to an all girl's school though. I think the fact that there were no boys really showed up the huge range of ways that it is possible to be female |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The only femininity I'm comfortable defining as such is performative femininity - dressing up, etc. I enjoy that very much. It's a costume I don for my own amusement.
The emotional/attribute stuff - meh. People are people, who may be conditioned more one way or another, but I don't think any personality traits are the main domain of any gender.
But on a broad spectrum, we can sort of agree that certain traits can be considered more feminine.
Like sensitivity, intuition , empathy (obviously these are traits found in males as well - but they would be feminine energy traits)
Or a woman can give off more masculine energy
I agree that society has labelled these things masculine and feminine. I don't agree that they are. "
‘Is [femininity] something secreted by the ovaries? Or is it Platonic essence, a product of the philosophic imagination?’ |
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In former days (iykwim) from about the age of 16 I never felt any need to do the society conforming masculine thing, not that I presented myself as flamboyant or femme, I just presented myself as an individual. Much later when I started to realise my internal gender I briefly tried to do the ott feminine thing, feeling that everyone was seeing straight through me.
Making friends outside the trans community though, and being accepted as myself by both cis and transgender people, I've gained the confidence to just be me again. I wear makeup, but not a lot. I do my nails, but only when I can be bothered to. Through lockdown I've grown my hair out and don't really care whether it looks femme or masc or what. It's just as I like it. I still have the multicoloured wigs that I wear once in a while just for the hell of it, but I don't feel I need to.
Do i wear women's clothes or men's clothes? Neither, I wear MY clothes!
It's nice when people correctly gender me according to my presentation at the time (boobs and a bit of lippy, female, flat chest and more obvs male clothes, male) but it doesn't especially bother me if someone who doesn't know me gets it wrong. Unless it's obvious that they are doing it deliberately and repeatedly, in which case twats, but hey twats gotta be twattish, it's just part of their nature.
Another bloody essay from Polly but hey. Thank you to those of you that read the whole thing, sucks to those of you who don't...
Hugs and kisses, Polly xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In former days (iykwim) from about the age of 16 I never felt any need to do the society conforming masculine thing, not that I presented myself as flamboyant or femme, I just presented myself as an individual. Much later when I started to realise my internal gender I briefly tried to do the ott feminine thing, feeling that everyone was seeing straight through me.
Making friends outside the trans community though, and being accepted as myself by both cis and transgender people, I've gained the confidence to just be me again. I wear makeup, but not a lot. I do my nails, but only when I can be bothered to. Through lockdown I've grown my hair out and don't really care whether it looks femme or masc or what. It's just as I like it. I still have the multicoloured wigs that I wear once in a while just for the hell of it, but I don't feel I need to.
Do i wear women's clothes or men's clothes? Neither, I wear MY clothes!
It's nice when people correctly gender me according to my presentation at the time (boobs and a bit of lippy, female, flat chest and more obvs male clothes, male) but it doesn't especially bother me if someone who doesn't know me gets it wrong. Unless it's obvious that they are doing it deliberately and repeatedly, in which case twats, but hey twats gotta be twattish, it's just part of their nature.
Another bloody essay from Polly but hey. Thank you to those of you that read the whole thing, sucks to those of you who don't...
Hugs and kisses, Polly xxx"
 |
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"According to society's view on femininity I am more masculine.
This is down to my height, build and independent protective caretaker personality, I don't need a man to do these things for me as I want to do them, which is Inherently masculine.
So I identify more with an amazonian aura of sexual awareness
"
Love this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do like a woman who has soft and delicate skin, wrapped around in colourful dresses, who is gentle and kind ( all traits that fall more towards the "feminine" structure that society visualises), yet not afraid to get her hands "dirty", lift some weights with me, climb mountains with me, put some boxing gloves on and hit the heavy bag..."
This  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The only femininity I'm comfortable defining as such is performative femininity - dressing up, etc. I enjoy that very much. It's a costume I don for my own amusement.
The emotional/attribute stuff - meh. People are people, who may be conditioned more one way or another, but I don't think any personality traits are the main domain of any gender.
But on a broad spectrum, we can sort of agree that certain traits can be considered more feminine.
Like sensitivity, intuition , empathy (obviously these are traits found in males as well - but they would be feminine energy traits)
Or a woman can give off more masculine energy
I agree that society has labelled these things masculine and feminine. I don't agree that they are.
‘Is [femininity] something secreted by the ovaries? Or is it Platonic essence, a product of the philosophic imagination?’"
It’s a mix of both I think.
Same goes for masculinity, you can’t explain but you can just feel it I guess. They are two completely different “forces” |
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I love all people and certainly feminine charms have their charms. Of course there is a blurring of lines when people complain about Ant n Dec as drag queens. What is there to complain about ffs. I do wonder though when men portray themselves in a more feminine way and dress and walk and think in a more feminine way then does their driving suffer as a result?
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Always been very feminine looks wise. Not very feminine in the way I think, the things I like etc. I have a season ticket for United, I love football etc. Hate chick flicks, soaps, reality TV. The things most of my friends watch and enjoy I just don’t like. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I swing from feeling feminine with long hair (especially if I've just had it styled), pretty clothes and cute shoes to then feeling pretty androgynous with jeans, hair up, boots and no make up.
I do envy those who manage to look effortlessly feminine all the time
PNG x |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I very attracted to women that embrace femininity, not in a traditional stereotypical way , but empowered women who choose to be feminine still. I think guys too, I’m much more likely to be friends who guys in touch with their femininity, guys who can talk about feelings and tell you they love you , emotional intelligence etc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is such an interesting thread, thanks OP for starting it!
For me personally, life has meant I've had to take on a very masculine energy when it comes to keeping myself safe and making all decisions etc. Funnily enough, upon reflection I realised that as I had to take on all that my style became far more feminine, having gone from being more of a tomboy my whole life to now pretty much only ever wearing classicly feminine clothing (I'm not saying they're just for women), I suppose as a way of balancing things out.
I absolutely love getting dolled up and looking and feeling pretty and I do it for me, not the male gaze.
Hoping to one day meet a man who will safely allow me to step back into my femininity again, a true leader rather than a ruler.
I’m loving this reply!!!
And femininity is beautiful and powerful in its own way, and as you said if you embrace it for yourself and none else, and it makes you feel good, then that’s AMAZING! X
Really one of the best comments on here x "
Femininity is absolutely powerful, just in a different way, I'd say in a more deeply rooted soul sense rather than practical, if that makes sense?
Also, I hadn't realised who you are (have admired your photos and videos in the past as you're just so beautiful!) and realise there's a different layer to your post. I can imagine that growing up there must've been some discord between how you were taught and told about femininity/masculinity as opposed to how you experienced it within?
I'm glad you're able to live as your true, beautiful self xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is such an interesting thread, thanks OP for starting it!
For me personally, life has meant I've had to take on a very masculine energy when it comes to keeping myself safe and making all decisions etc. Funnily enough, upon reflection I realised that as I had to take on all that my style became far more feminine, having gone from being more of a tomboy my whole life to now pretty much only ever wearing classicly feminine clothing (I'm not saying they're just for women), I suppose as a way of balancing things out.
I absolutely love getting dolled up and looking and feeling pretty and I do it for me, not the male gaze.
Hoping to one day meet a man who will safely allow me to step back into my femininity again, a true leader rather than a ruler.
I’m loving this reply!!!
And femininity is beautiful and powerful in its own way, and as you said if you embrace it for yourself and none else, and it makes you feel good, then that’s AMAZING! X
Really one of the best comments on here x
Femininity is absolutely powerful, just in a different way, I'd say in a more deeply rooted soul sense rather than practical, if that makes sense?
Also, I hadn't realised who you are (have admired your photos and videos in the past as you're just so beautiful!) and realise there's a different layer to your post. I can imagine that growing up there must've been some discord between how you were taught and told about femininity/masculinity as opposed to how you experienced it within?
I'm glad you're able to live as your true, beautiful self xx"
 thanks lovely x |
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I'm not at all feminine in how I present myself. I am deeply uncomfortable in skirts or dresses - other than trying them on for photos I don't wear them. I live in trousers and jeans.
I have been the same height since I was about 12, so I never learned to walk in heels because I already towered over my friends. I live in flats and feel ridiculous whenever I attempt to stumble around in even the smallest of heels.
I don't enjoy makeup or false nails or false lashes or fussy hair. If I try to wear more makeup than eyeshadow and mascara I look like a hungover clown who has a side hustle as a street walker.
I think this has a lot to do with why I don't want to meet at clubs, though there are other factors too. I can't do that performative hyperfemininity that seems to be the norm so would just look like a sack of potatoes sitting in a corner!
Personality wise I am a mix of masculine and feminine energies. I negotiate a lot as part of my job and my natural negotiation style is very collaborative, as is my management style.
I can be called upon to take a hard line at times, and I'm very comfortable being more directive and having difficult conversations as needed. |
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I kind of span the whole spectrum with different aspects of myself. Looks wise I definitely err towards femininity, but behaviour/hobbies wise I'm definitely more masculine in most things. A girly night doing nails and things sounds like some kind of torture, and I'd rather dig my own eyeballs out with spoons than watch chick flicks. But I love wearing skirts, dresses and heels, and I do burlesque dancing. I love messing with cars and engines, and I'm happy as Larry if I'm up to my knees in mud while out hiking. I like being around men and masculine energy, I'm just never as comfortable around most women. |
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This changes from one person to another.
For some it is wearing make up, putting on lace or sheer lingerie, sexy dresses, and heels. For others it is wearing certain colours, fabrics, etc.
You might not get a true answer, just an average opinion of what femininity is.
For me femininity is wearing nice dresses or skirt and tops, nylons, heels, make worn (but not obvious), hair done nice and nice shoes. |
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I don't think caring and sensitive are exclusive to females or femininity. To a HUGE extent femininity is a social construct of part of an expectation of how female should behave.
I am not what society would label feminine. I am not a lesbian. I am not stubborn. I am not a bloke...... I'm female - a woman - I'm me. |
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"I love all people and certainly feminine charms have their charms. Of course there is a blurring of lines when people complain about Ant n Dec as drag queens. What is there to complain about ffs. I do wonder though when men portray themselves in a more feminine way and dress and walk and think in a more feminine way then does their driving suffer as a result?
"
Actually it suffers terribly Tom. They get loads of blokey types trying to help them to park. |
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"The only femininity I'm comfortable defining as such is performative femininity - dressing up, etc. I enjoy that very much. It's a costume I don for my own amusement.
The emotional/attribute stuff - meh. People are people, who may be conditioned more one way or another, but I don't think any personality traits are the main domain of any gender.
But on a broad spectrum, we can sort of agree that certain traits can be considered more feminine.
Like sensitivity, intuition , empathy (obviously these are traits found in males as well - but they would be feminine energy traits)
Or a woman can give off more masculine energy "
What is intuition? No Googling. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Femininity is expressing how you present to the world hair makeup it’s a big effort compared to being Masculine I’ve slightly over sexualised myself in recent months but the post I put up regarding my Facebook ban helped me see that and I’ve rewatched out and gotten support, so I thank the people that took the time to advise me in that thread x I didn’t realise it was quite a common thing transsexuals go through x being kind to animals wanting to please a man being neat and tidy and looking after yourself are all female traits x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...I do wonder though when men portray themselves in a more feminine way and dress and walk and think in a more feminine way then does their driving suffer as a result?
"
Actually I have found that as Lucy I drive slightly slower and rather more carefully, so probably rather better than I used to as a man!
I seem not to be as good at parking as I used to be but I think that is lack of practice after living in the country for so long, not because of my feminisation!
Lucy |
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"The only femininity I'm comfortable defining as such is performative femininity - dressing up, etc. I enjoy that very much. It's a costume I don for my own amusement.
The emotional/attribute stuff - meh. People are people, who may be conditioned more one way or another, but I don't think any personality traits are the main domain of any gender.
But on a broad spectrum, we can sort of agree that certain traits can be considered more feminine.
Like sensitivity, intuition , empathy (obviously these are traits found in males as well - but they would be feminine energy traits)
Or a woman can give off more masculine energy
What is intuition? No Googling."
In a word, instinct. |
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these days 