 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think for the most part your expected to trust the person. It’s unlikely you need to provide ‘proof’. If bareback I’d always suggest considering whether you need/want to ask.
As I don’t go bareback I generally don’t need to ask |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is it rude to ask a potential meet if they get STI tested? If so is there a polite way of asking? X"
Some may take it that you are inferring they are riddled with STI's. Just ask.
I just assume they have something they don't know about and assess the risks. People lie to get a shag.
I could say I'm clean and I test every 2 weeks... who would know?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Would you trust their answer though?
"With someone i trust" is a well used line. Is it like trusting with your front door key?"
You trust them. They trust their people, those people trust someone else. Nah not a chance in hell for me. 100% Trust and fab doesn’t go. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don’t think it’s rude to ask.
I normally ask in conversation while chatting. "
Same. You have to trust their reply though unless you're going to ask them to prove it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If so is there a polite way of asking? X"
"Excuse me. Awful question I know but would you mind terribly if I inquired about your STI status? It's just there are some frightfully horrid people about these days." |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If so is there a polite way of asking? X
"Excuse me. Awful question I know but would you mind terribly if I inquired about your STI status? It's just there are some frightfully horrid people about these days.""
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Well someone asked me if my last lft was negative. I told them it was. They didn't ask me when I took it or for proof. Was I clear of covid or not? Had I been in contact with a carrier since the test? Was I lying?
The same goes for sti testing. Ask if it makes you feel better but how useful the answer is depends on so many factors. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If I felt like I couldn’t ask without them taking offence then they aren’t the person that I would want to be meeting anyway
Beard"
This. ^^^
I’d actually be pleased to be asked. I’d also happily do a test at the same time as them and wait for the results before getting physical.
All good things come to those who wait.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If I felt like I couldn’t ask without them taking offence then they aren’t the person that I would want to be meeting anyway
Beard
This. ^^^
I’d actually be pleased to be asked. I’d also happily do a test at the same time as them and wait for the results before getting physical.
All good things come to those who wait. "
Spot on  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Someone we met recently had a very good way of asking. He began talking about the difficulty of getting enough blood for home testing and the conversation followed from there."
I’ve pretty much run out of fingers by the time I get enough blood. Mad, considering I bleed like a stuck pig if I scratch myself in the garden or the workshop.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I always ask - its important that we all start talking about this more and get rid of the stigma. Loads of people dont even know how often they should be doing STI tests or how to calculate their risk based on the sex theyve had with different people. More conversations people!
I always ask long before any sex happens, often before the meet itself. I say something like "Could we have a quick chat about STI status now? That way we wont have to stop and have this conversation later if we are getting sexy together!"
Often at this point, they will launch into explaining when their last test was etc, but if they dont or seem unsure, I tell them my status first - that usually gives them an idea about what information to include!
Of course, you cant be sure that they are being truthful, but I think most people are! And also, it gives you a chance to model good safe sex practice. So many people dont know how often to get tested, or whether they can or should ask about STI risk, or even what questions they should ask!
But dont wait until you are about to have sex to ask those questions. Being horny and having to make sensible decisions just doesnt go well together!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If so is there a polite way of asking? X
"Excuse me. Awful question I know but would you mind terribly if I inquired about your STI status? It's just there are some frightfully horrid people about these days.""
  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If I felt like I couldn’t ask without them taking offence then they aren’t the person that I would want to be meeting anyway
Beard"
^^^ this.
I'm not going to bump uglies with someone who would be offended at having this discussion. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’d actually be pleased to be asked. I’d also happily do a test at the same time as them and wait for the results before getting physical.
"
Maybe this is the way forward. Joint testing over a coffee. You could be onto something |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I always ask long before any sex happens, often before the meet itself. I say something like "Could we have a quick chat about STI status now? That way we wont have to stop and have this conversation later if we are getting sexy together!"
Often at this point, they will launch into explaining when their last test was etc, but if they dont or seem unsure, I tell them my status first - that usually gives them an idea about what information to include!
Of course, you cant be sure that they are being truthful, but I think most people are! And also, it gives you a chance to model good safe sex practice. So many people dont know how often to get tested, or whether they can or should ask about STI risk, or even what questions they should ask!
But dont wait until you are about to have sex to ask those questions. Being horny and having to make sensible decisions just doesnt go well together!! "
This approach is great. A neutral discussion early on it the best idea.
You mention people offering the information when you ask. You can also tell a lot from someone's response if they dodge the question or say they don't test/don't know. It's about making informed decisions. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I always ask long before any sex happens, often before the meet itself. I say something like "Could we have a quick chat about STI status now? That way we wont have to stop and have this conversation later if we are getting sexy together!"
Often at this point, they will launch into explaining when their last test was etc, but if they dont or seem unsure, I tell them my status first - that usually gives them an idea about what information to include!
Of course, you cant be sure that they are being truthful, but I think most people are! And also, it gives you a chance to model good safe sex practice. So many people dont know how often to get tested, or whether they can or should ask about STI risk, or even what questions they should ask!
But dont wait until you are about to have sex to ask those questions. Being horny and having to make sensible decisions just doesnt go well together!!
This approach is great. A neutral discussion early on it the best idea.
You mention people offering the information when you ask. You can also tell a lot from someone's response if they dodge the question or say they don't test/don't know. It's about making informed decisions."
Yes, absolutely! How they respond is so so telling! As is the look of confusion when I ask about their partners in the couple of months before their last test!
Even people who are practicing safe sex dont always know that it can take a couple of months after exposure for an STI to show up in a test - its great to have these discussions so people have that knowledge for the future! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
People lie for their own benefit, and faking an LFT or STI result is easy.
All you can do is manage your own risks and not rely on others to do it for you.
But as to your question it’s not rude to ask. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Even people who are practicing safe sex dont always know that it can take a couple of months after exposure for an STI to show up in a test - its great to have these discussions so people have that knowledge for the future! "
So true |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It's not rude at all and definitely nothing to be ashamed of.
I use the sh24 service so I get a text message in response.
If you can't talk to someone about their sexual health or contraception, then how are you going to talk about their sexual preferences?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Just ask them, but I would do it face to face, would probably be obvious if they don't or have never tested.
I keep the text on my phone so can actually prove it!"
Always ask such important questions face to face. Their response is valuable |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Is it rude to ask a potential meet if they get STI tested? If so is there a polite way of asking? X"
I wouldn't ask it, but wouldn't take offence.
.I used to get tested every 4 weeks. But due to reduced test sites and the postal ones not allowing that regular an interval its every 12 weeks currently. But then I'm also not currently playing how I normally do.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
