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After people have been shagging on the telly ..
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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.. have you noticed how they just get up afterwards in the morning, get dressed and carry on as normal .. I’m there thinking “bloody hell, have a shower or at least a gentleman’s swill under the hot tap for a few seconds” .. their bits are going to be minging aren’t they with the smell of sex?
Oh and the ladies always wake up with perfect unsmudged make up and lipstick. And nobody has dried dribble crusting up on their chins do they?
Anyway… what other ways does tv misrepresent normal sex?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"And those guys who aren't popping that bra off. What are you doing men! "
  you can always tell which actresses have signed a strict “no nipples on screen” rule, can’t you? |
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No condoms
Despite this, no wadding to the toilet after or spontaneous cum leakage an hour or so later
No need for foreplay or lube
Women can orgasm just from 3 minutes of penetration
Nobody ever does their back in lifting their entire partner's weight against a wall
Women often wearing sexy, skimpy underwear just day to day
Men never have holey boxers on
No pulling pubes out of your throat
I could probably keep going  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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".. have you noticed how they just get up afterwards in the morning, get dressed and carry on as normal .. I’m there thinking “bloody hell, have a shower or at least a gentleman’s swill under the hot tap for a few seconds” .. their bits are going to be minging aren’t they with the smell of sex?
Oh and the ladies always wake up with perfect unsmudged make up and lipstick. And nobody has dried dribble crusting up on their chins do they?
Anyway… what other ways does tv misrepresent normal sex?
"
And just to add a note to your post OP, there's nothing minging about the smell of sex the day after   |
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By *ornagainchristianMan
over a year ago
Preston, Glasgow, Cheltenham, Leeds, Birmingham and Leicester (but travel all over the UK |
"No condoms
Despite this, no wadding to the toilet after or spontaneous cum leakage an hour or so later
No need for foreplay or lube
Women can orgasm just from 3 minutes of penetration
Nobody ever does their back in lifting their entire partner's weight against a wall
Women often wearing sexy, skimpy underwear just day to day
Men never have holey boxers on
No pulling pubes out of your throat
I could probably keep going "
This cracked me up Lacey! I’ll add no trying to move from one position to the other but your leg’s gone dead so you have to try and hoof it across while explaining what you’re doing and trying not to sound like Alan Partridge |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Willy's don't ping out and need putting back in.
Cramp doesn't set in after orgasm
Teeth don't clank together whilst passionately kissing
And definitely don't ever hear fanny farts in films  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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And their hair .. perfect. No bed-head the morning after in TellyLand.
And no wince of the face or screwing up of the nose when their partner talks to them with a bad case of morning breath before cleaning their teeth.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's pretty unusual to see them crack out the double ender or show the lady pegging her man!! Come to think of it they aren't too keen on showing any watersport action either  |
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It's the breath for me, either after being out drinking they breathe heavily in to each others faces or morning after with breath like a sewer, I have to brush my teeth before I even think about a kiss, let alone heavy panting for 2 minutes on top of someone! |
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"It's the breath for me, either after being out drinking they breathe heavily in to each others faces or morning after with breath like a sewer, I have to brush my teeth before I even think about a kiss, let alone heavy panting for 2 minutes on top of someone! "
this |
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"It's the breath for me, either after being out drinking they breathe heavily in to each others faces or morning after with breath like a sewer, I have to brush my teeth before I even think about a kiss, let alone heavy panting for 2 minutes on top of someone! "
Not helped by their tenancy to fall asleep...in it seems all their undergarments...in postcoital bliss, WITHOUT BRUSHING A SINGLE TOOTH.
Good god people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's the breath for me, either after being out drinking they breathe heavily in to each others faces or morning after with breath like a sewer, I have to brush my teeth before I even think about a kiss, let alone heavy panting for 2 minutes on top of someone! "
This is what I was going to say too.
I struggle to enjoy historical sex scenes for most of these reasons too, as I all I can think is I bet they absolutely stink! |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
They can never get the positioning right - most of the times it looks like he's either fucking her belly button, or his dick is coming out his chest.
Afterwards he wants a cuddle instead of getting up and going back to watching TV. |
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".. have you noticed how they just get up afterwards in the morning, get dressed and carry on as normal .. I’m there thinking “bloody hell, have a shower or at least a gentleman’s swill under the hot tap for a few seconds” .. their bits are going to be minging aren’t they with the smell of sex?
Oh and the ladies always wake up with perfect unsmudged make up and lipstick. And nobody has dried dribble crusting up on their chins do they?
Anyway… what other ways does tv misrepresent normal sex?
"
And when people on films wake up and roll over, there is no loud fart. The dawn chorus is an important step in the process of waking up and getting out of bed.
Also, I move like a geriatric for the first 5 minutes. Then I’m fine and can go out for a run or whatever, but the first 5 minutes and hobbling down the stairs are a disgrace |
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"Willy's don't ping out and need putting back in.
Cramp doesn't set in after orgasm
Teeth don't clank together whilst passionately kissing
And definitely don't ever hear fanny farts in films "
Or “hang on there a minute and I’ll slap on some lube”
No discussion either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No awkward wake up afterwards Off a one night club or pub stand
The old emmm ok who are you emmm ooo god really
Ok let’s do the checks look around yip there the condom there ooo god ok that happened or emmm don’t see the condom little pause off relfe ooo wait on finger check yip ooo god it did happen
Ok let’s plan this out whares my dress and stuff yip ok up grab slip on quick
Still missing a stocking and whare the hell my knickers
Ahhh he’s movieing dammm fuck it leave them
Down and out the door call a taxi at the end off the street |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No argument over who sleeps on the wet patch
No red, sweaty sex faces
Simultaneous orgasms!
No wriggling to get in just right
No squelchy condom noises. In fact, no condoms!
She ALWAYS cums.
"
Do you not always cum Red???? You've been utilising the wrong men!!!  |
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"No argument over who sleeps on the wet patch
No red, sweaty sex faces
Simultaneous orgasms!
No wriggling to get in just right
No squelchy condom noises. In fact, no condoms!
She ALWAYS cums.
Do you not always cum Red???? You've been utilising the wrong men!!! "
It seems o have indeed, Sir.
I have need of you. And your kilt! |
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Oh, and even if they meet in a hot and sweaty nightclub they're quite happy to give each other oral even though he has sticky sweaty bollocks and she has those tiny bobbles of cheap toilet paper all over her foof - no nipping to the bathroom to give their bits a wash. |
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".. have you noticed how they just get up afterwards in the morning, get dressed and carry on as normal .. I’m there thinking “bloody hell, have a shower or at least a gentleman’s swill under the hot tap for a few seconds” .. their bits are going to be minging aren’t they with the smell of sex?
Oh and the ladies always wake up with perfect unsmudged make up and lipstick. And nobody has dried dribble crusting up on their chins do they?
Anyway… what other ways does tv misrepresent normal sex?
And just to add a note to your post OP, there's nothing minging about the smell of sex the day after "
Oh yea I like to stick my head under the covers and savour that aroma.
I'd probably have a shower before going to save the world though. |
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By *xploring_FunWoman
over a year ago
Usually South, Currently North |
There’s also no hiccups - nobodies hair gets caught under an elbow, no new positions take three attempts to work, no tangled arms or awkward trying to move arms in the same place at the same time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s the hair for me.
He has his hands in it while they’re kissing. They writhe all over the bed for ages.
Then she had slightly ruffled hair without a tug in sight! "
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