FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > I know this isn't a good idea
I know this isn't a good idea
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok, so I am looking for peoples opinions, I know thats usally not a good idea on fab.
Ive been married for 15 years and my wife stopped wanting and having sex with me approximately 10 years ago.
Initially I put up with it, then I triedtalking about it, her thoughts are, she doesn't feel the need to have sex and doesn't understand why I should feel any different.
SoIdid something I'm not proud of, I cheated. Yes I know this makes me lowlife scum.
I don't want to cheat again, other than the no sex the relationship is ok and we dont have any kids.
I can only think of 3 solutions:
1 never have sex or any kind of intimacy again in my life.
2 be a cheating scumbag
3 get a divorce
So what does everyone think? any alternative solutions will be greatly appreciated.
Cheers
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Counselling to find out why.
Talk to her calmly and find out why.
Talk, talk then talk again.
Better to do this than her find out you've cheated. And they always find out in the end. You may lose everything.
She may be open to you finding this elsewhere.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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1 or 3 or a new option 4
Sit talk to your wife and see if she will ok to play away
But tell her to be papered to maybe meet these people for a social before hand to check everything on the level
Number 2 is just selfish and shouldn’t ever be done
I always ask this question
And get one off two responses ither the angry one or none at all
How would you feel if you found out your wife was on a web site Geting railed off ever one
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Counselling to find out why.
Talk to her calmly and find out why.
Talk, talk then talk again.
Better to do this than her find out you've cheated. And they always find out in the end. You may lose everything.
She may be open to you finding this elsewhere.
"
Thanks for the reply, when I try to talk about it, she says " we have talked about it before and nothing has changed". |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Thing is you’d only be able to cheat for so long before you get caught. Intentionally or not.
Obviously you can’t go without sex or sexual intimacy else you’d not be looking for it elsewhere.
So you either sort it out with the wife or you cheat and take the ticking time bomb that goes along with that.
Whichever route you take, someone will get hurt. Someone will lose. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Counselling to find out why.
Talk to her calmly and find out why.
Talk, talk then talk again.
Better to do this than her find out you've cheated. And they always find out in the end. You may lose everything.
She may be open to you finding this elsewhere.
Thanks for the reply, when I try to talk about it, she says " we have talked about it before and nothing has changed"."
Then you'll need to ask the unthinkable. Would she allow you to have sex elsewhere.
If she won't, could you maintain the relationship just because you get on well and have a comfortable life.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thing is you’d only be able to cheat for so long before you get caught. Intentionally or not.
Obviously you can’t go without sex or sexual intimacy else you’d not be looking for it elsewhere.
So you either sort it out with the wife or you cheat and take the ticking time bomb that goes along with that.
Whichever route you take, someone will get hurt. Someone will lose. "
Thanks for replying, I have found there are drugs that would enable me not to want to have sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You definitely need to talk again. Write what you're feeling down in a letter if you feel like she's shutting down conversations quickly. I've actually been her and I feel guilty now knowing how neglected/rejected my ex was feeling, but at the time it just bugged me that he kept going on about sex when it just wasn't on my radar at all. We were just on really different pages and needed to be having the same conversations you two do now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Would you rather stay married in a sexless marriage or leave and be free to do whatever you desire?.
Would she give you permission to look elsewhere for it?
Perhaps bring up swinging? What have you got to loose?
Surely she cant expect you to go without just because she doesn't want it anymore. |
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By *eisty LadyWoman
over a year ago
Count Your Blessings Cottage, Gratitude Grove |
If you had to choose only 1 option for the rest of your life - your wife without sex … or sex with other people but maybe destroying your friendship/ relationship with your wife forever (the sex may possibly lead to a long term serious relationship with someone else)
Which would you choose?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thing is you’d only be able to cheat for so long before you get caught. Intentionally or not.
Obviously you can’t go without sex or sexual intimacy else you’d not be looking for it elsewhere.
So you either sort it out with the wife or you cheat and take the ticking time bomb that goes along with that.
Whichever route you take, someone will get hurt. Someone will lose.
Thanks for replying, I have found there are drugs that would enable me not to want to have sex."
And you'd be happy with this for the rest of your life?
If so, fair play.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Would you rather stay married in a sexless marriage or leave and be free to do whatever you desire?.
Would she give you permission to look elsewhere for it?
Perhaps bring up swinging? What have you got to loose?
Surely she cant expect you to go without just because she doesn't want it anymore."
She does, she said she doesn't understand why I need to have sex. |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
Seems like what you've put is more you than your partner.understanding goes Both ways. And the fact you've cheated as an example rather than getting professional help.as you've mentioned married for 15 years and put up with no sex what about your partner doesn't she feel under pressure when you keep asking. Remember if you're love for each other is strong steps to talk with professional people would be a positive move. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would you rather stay married in a sexless marriage or leave and be free to do whatever you desire?.
Would she give you permission to look elsewhere for it?
Perhaps bring up swinging? What have you got to loose?
Surely she cant expect you to go without just because she doesn't want it anymore.
She does, she said she doesn't understand why I need to have sex."
Bah, its a shitty situation and totally selfish on her part. We went through a similar situation a few years back, depression hit me hard and sex was no longer on my to do list but I looked on here to find someone for Mr P, we all need intimacy. |
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Honesty is always the best policy.
I’d personally suggest relationship therapy. Maybe an impartial person can be the voice of reason.
For me, a relationship without sex, is a friendship.
Have you asked her wether she’s unhappy with an element of the relationship that is having a negative impact on her libido?
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"Would you rather stay married in a sexless marriage or leave and be free to do whatever you desire?.
Would she give you permission to look elsewhere for it?
Perhaps bring up swinging? What have you got to loose?
Surely she cant expect you to go without just because she doesn't want it anymore.
She does, she said she doesn't understand why I need to have sex."
Unfortunately it then sounds like she's not really listening to you or considering your needs.
Different people have different desires and needs and it's great that everything else is going well, but if you are considering cheating again or leaving her, this must be really important to you and she shouldn't to fob it off.
You need to talk to her again. Explain that it is something that is important to you. However, if she doesn't want it you also can't pressure her into it, so either finding out why it stopped and she no longer wants it or bring up the idea of swinging.
But please... don't cheat. She doesn't deserve that and you will regret it in the long run. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just one thing I want to clear up, once she made it clear she didn't want to have sex again, I have never asked, suggested or pestered her for sex.
Thanks for all the replies. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just one thing I want to clear up, once she made it clear she didn't want to have sex again, I have never asked, suggested or pestered her for sex.
Thanks for all the replies."
In 10 years though? Maybe she doesn't think you still care about it or desire her anymore? Not saying that's your fault, just that there definitely seems to be a breakdown in communication. That's what you need to try tackle I think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The relationship is just ‘okay’ and you have no kids?!
I honestly don’t see the point in staying together. You’re incompatible, and life is too short.
Good luck. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
Talk again op and make it clear you're not prepared to go without for the rest of your life.
Ask if you can seek sex elsewhere. If it's an outright no, look to leave the relationship. You won't be happy if you stay and you'll probably resent her if you don't already. |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"Just one thing I want to clear up, once she made it clear she didn't want to have sex again, I have never asked, suggested or pestered her for sex.
Thanks for all the replies."
My apologies for misunderstanding pal still best option get professional help hopefully gets to the bottom of whatever it is and enlighten that spark up again
Good luck  |
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If your wife is your age and she has lost her sex drive in her mid 30s without child birth then it appears there must be something mentally or physically wrong. Alternatively she has a married lover she is being faithful to.
I suggest you both see a doctor and a sexual matters councillor and if she will not agree to try and sort it then consider divorce. It is damaging for sexual men and women to live without sex.
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"Thing is you’d only be able to cheat for so long before you get caught. Intentionally or not.
Obviously you can’t go without sex or sexual intimacy else you’d not be looking for it elsewhere.
So you either sort it out with the wife or you cheat and take the ticking time bomb that goes along with that.
Whichever route you take, someone will get hurt. Someone will lose. "
Yes I think this is the right answer !! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would you rather stay married in a sexless marriage or leave and be free to do whatever you desire?.
Would she give you permission to look elsewhere for it?
Perhaps bring up swinging? What have you got to loose?
Surely she cant expect you to go without just because she doesn't want it anymore.
She does, she said she doesn't understand why I need to have sex."
Did she ever like sex? She may be asexual. Take the medication to kill your sex drive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cheating is definitely not the answer, talk to her tell her how you feel and that you can’t continue like this and if she’s not willing to compromise then divorce and move on. Good luck |
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May be an unpopular opinion, but!
YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Do you really want to go through life taking drugs to stop a natural desire? I would have a very honest open conversation with her saying that you’ve heard her side, but she needs to understand and appreciate yours. And whilst you’re not into having sex with someone that really doesn’t want to, the choices are either she gets counselling with you to work through this issue; or, she Knowingly allows you to get it elsewhere. If she’s not prepared to do either of these things, then that just unreasonable and I would say go for the divorce option.
I would imagine there’s some deep rooted reason behind her having gone off it, which she can get help with. And whilst cheating is
Not the right answer, I do think she’s being selfish not attempting to help the situation.
Good luck OP! |
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Talking.
In her mind she really could see it as "just sex". An action.
If you see it as "just sex" then I'd say you're lying to yourself coz a wank would be satisfactory to kill the urge and achieve the bean blow.
So, what does sex mean to you?
If you answer those questions to yourself then maybe you'll have a better starting ground for conversation/couples counselling. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I would leave. I stayed in a loveless, near sexless relationship for 11 years longer than I should have and they are now my wasted years. I had children to keep me there though (they are thebonly thing that I wouldn't change) You say the rest of the relationship is fine, but you're obviously not happy as you can't get what you want without consequences. You have to add up if the rest of rhe relationship out weighs the lack of a sex life. I would say a relationship needs to be based on sex for it to function correctly. Once the sex has gone it becomes a friendship without benefits, only downsides. You will resent her if you stay and forego your sex life. You only live once. And regret is a terrible thing. I am only giving you my opinion, only you know the circumstances and what you would lose, but sex is far too important to be ignored. I hope whatever you do you find happiness. |
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I ended an 8 year dead bedroom relationship.
It wasn't just the lack of sex but that was a massive issue between us. I thought I was the selfish one.
Is my life better now 3 years on? Yes. Is my sex life better? Yes. Do I miss what we had, yes and no.
Looking back, I have no idea how I lasted 8 years without the intimacy of another. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As been mentioned already - if you're happy with your life together and all is missing is sex - talk with her and see if she'd be ok with you getting it elsewhere. You might be surprised how simple a solution could be. |
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It really isn't fair if one partner refuses to discuss a problem just because it doesn't (on the face of it) affect them.
You can attend counselling alone. A good counsellor will listen to you without judgement and might help you to see your way more clearly to a possible solution.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The relationship is just ‘okay’ and you have no kids?!
I honestly don’t see the point in staying together. You’re incompatible, and life is too short.
Good luck."
this |
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"Thing is you’d only be able to cheat for so long before you get caught. Intentionally or not.
Obviously you can’t go without sex or sexual intimacy else you’d not be looking for it elsewhere.
So you either sort it out with the wife or you cheat and take the ticking time bomb that goes along with that.
Whichever route you take, someone will get hurt. Someone will lose.
Thanks for replying, I have found there are drugs that would enable me not to want to have sex."
Unpleasant side effects. |
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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago
Birmingham |
Don’t take the drugs; there is no reason for you to change who you are to such a fundamental degree.
As has been said, clearly state that a sexless relationship is affecting you emotionally and mentally. You want sex to continue just as strongly as she doesn’t want it to.
Ask her if there is a halfway point you can meet at; would she consider counselling to see if there is a way back for you both? Is there something that is putting her off? Is there some support she needs from you?
The ‘Can I look elsewhere?’ question is a dangerous one, IMO. It needs the right personality types on both sides, but especially the receiving end, for it to work. If your wife is just dead-set against sex regardless and doesn’t see why you need it, you asking to run off and have all the fun you can get isn’t likely to go down well at all. That conversation may well result in the decision being made for you, be prepared for that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Communicate with your wife.
Lots of good advice above.
There is always a bigger picture, start with the basics. Do you have any physical affection at all? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok, so I am looking for peoples opinions, I know thats usally not a good idea on fab.
Ive been married for 15 years and my wife stopped wanting and having sex with me approximately 10 years ago.
Initially I put up with it, then I triedtalking about it, her thoughts are, she doesn't feel the need to have sex and doesn't understand why I should feel any different.
SoIdid something I'm not proud of, I cheated. Yes I know this makes me lowlife scum.
I don't want to cheat again, other than the no sex the relationship is ok and we dont have any kids.
I can only think of 3 solutions:
1 never have sex or any kind of intimacy again in my life.
2 be a cheating scumbag
3 get a divorce
So what does everyone think? any alternative solutions will be greatly appreciated.
Cheers
"
Tell her you're looking for a gf on the side because you have needs. That the ball is in her court to decide whether to stay or leave the relationship. |
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Here’s my suggestion…..
Firstly, you need to think really hard about whether you still love your wife and genuinely want to be with her, or whether you’re staying due to fear of the unknown - being single for the first time in years is a daunting feeling for anyone. Seek counselling to help you make this decision if you need to.
If you decide that you want to try and make it work, you need to write all your feelings down for your wife to read quietly when she’s alone, to help her understand your point of view. You should be equal partners in a relationship, so it’s inexcusable (and pretty selfish) of her to refuse to acknowledge your point of view.
Make it clear that you want a resolution if she wants the relationship to continue. This could be in the form of couples counselling, or allowing you to explore other avenues for sex/intimacy. Set out these ideas in your letter, so she understands the options (and that ignoring you isn’t one of them!)
If she doesn’t want to work with you, then I’m afraid you only have one option - move on. Life is far too short to allow someone to control your choices like that. Good luck! |
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"Thing is you’d only be able to cheat for so long before you get caught. Intentionally or not.
Obviously you can’t go without sex or sexual intimacy else you’d not be looking for it elsewhere.
So you either sort it out with the wife or you cheat and take the ticking time bomb that goes along with that.
Whichever route you take, someone will get hurt. Someone will lose.
Thanks for replying, I have found there are drugs that would enable me not to want to have sex."
If you need to medicate to remain in a relationship it's the relationship that's wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok, so I am looking for peoples opinions, I know thats usally not a good idea on fab.
Ive been married for 15 years and my wife stopped wanting and having sex with me approximately 10 years ago.
Initially I put up with it, then I triedtalking about it, her thoughts are, she doesn't feel the need to have sex and doesn't understand why I should feel any different.
SoIdid something I'm not proud of, I cheated. Yes I know this makes me lowlife scum.
I don't want to cheat again, other than the no sex the relationship is ok and we dont have any kids.
I can only think of 3 solutions:
1 never have sex or any kind of intimacy again in my life.
2 be a cheating scumbag
3 get a divorce
So what does everyone think? any alternative solutions will be greatly appreciated.
Cheers
"
Don't have an answer.
But you are far from a cheating scumbag.
Faced with a partner who was refusing all attempts to resolve an issue or even accept that I had needs that were not being met in 10yrs, I would have looked elsewhere for intimacy too.
With no kids to tie me, I'm pretty sure I would have walked by now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok, so I am looking for peoples opinions, I know thats usally not a good idea on fab.
Ive been married for 15 years and my wife stopped wanting and having sex with me approximately 10 years ago.
Initially I put up with it, then I triedtalking about it, her thoughts are, she doesn't feel the need to have sex and doesn't understand why I should feel any different.
SoIdid something I'm not proud of, I cheated. Yes I know this makes me lowlife scum.
I don't want to cheat again, other than the no sex the relationship is ok and we dont have any kids.
I can only think of 3 solutions:
1 never have sex or any kind of intimacy again in my life.
2 be a cheating scumbag
3 get a divorce
So what does everyone think? any alternative solutions will be greatly appreciated.
Cheers
"
If your wife doesn’t want sex carry on cheating. That said you should probably get a divorce if she’s not giving you any intimacy..why stay married? |
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"Counselling to find out why.
Talk to her calmly and find out why.
Talk, talk then talk again.
Better to do this than her find out you've cheated. And they always find out in the end. You may lose everything.
She may be open to you finding this elsewhere.
Thanks for the reply, when I try to talk about it, she says " we have talked about it before and nothing has changed"."
Tell her you still need sex and mention separating to her. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Ok, so I am looking for peoples opinions, I know thats usally not a good idea on fab.
Ive been married for 15 years and my wife stopped wanting and having sex with me approximately 10 years ago.
Initially I put up with it, then I triedtalking about it, her thoughts are, she doesn't feel the need to have sex and doesn't understand why I should feel any different.
SoIdid something I'm not proud of, I cheated. Yes I know this makes me lowlife scum.
I don't want to cheat again, other than the no sex the relationship is ok and we dont have any kids.
I can only think of 3 solutions:
1 never have sex or any kind of intimacy again in my life.
2 be a cheating scumbag
3 get a divorce
So what does everyone think? any alternative solutions will be greatly appreciated.
Cheers
"
Why is 4 such a hard option for so many men.
Can’t guarantee it but it’s highly likely if you get caught or leave your wife’s sex will then magically come back when she discovers men who want her & treat her special. It’s not impossible for you to make that change
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok, so I am looking for peoples opinions, I know thats usally not a good idea on fab.
Ive been married for 15 years and my wife stopped wanting and having sex with me approximately 10 years ago.
Initially I put up with it, then I triedtalking about it, her thoughts are, she doesn't feel the need to have sex and doesn't understand why I should feel any different.
SoIdid something I'm not proud of, I cheated. Yes I know this makes me lowlife scum.
I don't want to cheat again, other than the no sex the relationship is ok and we dont have any kids.
I can only think of 3 solutions:
1 never have sex or any kind of intimacy again in my life.
2 be a cheating scumbag
3 get a divorce
So what does everyone think? any alternative solutions will be greatly appreciated.
Cheers
Why is 4 such a hard option for so many men.
Can’t guarantee it but it’s highly likely if you get caught or leave your wife’s sex will then magically come back when she discovers men who want her & treat her special. It’s not impossible for you to make that change
"
So you’re assuming he hasn’t tried to treat her right or make her feel special? I’d have thought ten years without sex with his wife the poor sod has tried every trick in the book  |
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"Ok, so I am looking for peoples opinions, I know thats usally not a good idea on fab.
Ive been married for 15 years and my wife stopped wanting and having sex with me approximately 10 years ago.
Initially I put up with it, then I triedtalking about it, her thoughts are, she doesn't feel the need to have sex and doesn't understand why I should feel any different.
SoIdid something I'm not proud of, I cheated. Yes I know this makes me lowlife scum.
I don't want to cheat again, other than the no sex the relationship is ok and we dont have any kids.
I can only think of 3 solutions:
1 never have sex or any kind of intimacy again in my life.
2 be a cheating scumbag
3 get a divorce
So what does everyone think? any alternative solutions will be greatly appreciated.
Cheers
Don't have an answer.
But you are far from a cheating scumbag.
Faced with a partner who was refusing all attempts to resolve an issue or even accept that I had needs that were not being met in 10yrs, I would have looked elsewhere for intimacy too.
With no kids to tie me, I'm pretty sure I would have walked by now."
I echo this sentiment. I'm pleased folk have been supportive & not just slated you as so often happens on this type of thread.
I hope things work out for you OP, but please remember, your needs are not selfish. They matter too. X |
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"Ok, so I am looking for peoples opinions, I know thats usally not a good idea on fab.
Ive been married for 15 years and my wife stopped wanting and having sex with me approximately 10 years ago.
Initially I put up with it, then I triedtalking about it, her thoughts are, she doesn't feel the need to have sex and doesn't understand why I should feel any different.
SoIdid something I'm not proud of, I cheated. Yes I know this makes me lowlife scum.
I don't want to cheat again, other than the no sex the relationship is ok and we dont have any kids.
I can only think of 3 solutions:
1 never have sex or any kind of intimacy again in my life.
2 be a cheating scumbag
3 get a divorce
So what does everyone think? any alternative solutions will be greatly appreciated.
Cheers
Why is 4 such a hard option for so many men.
Can’t guarantee it but it’s highly likely if you get caught or leave your wife’s sex will then magically come back when she discovers men who want her & treat her special. It’s not impossible for you to make that change
"
Looks like I spoke too soon  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Well life about living and the freedom to do what and where u go
But no sex for 10 years its that connection between man and wife each kiss and show each other how much you care good on you for putting up with it u must but my nan always told me what's making you sad get it out of your life but my guess think how she is feeling chat with her x |
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"Ok, so I am looking for peoples opinions, I know thats usally not a good idea on fab.
Ive been married for 15 years and my wife stopped wanting and having sex with me approximately 10 years ago.
Initially I put up with it, then I triedtalking about it, her thoughts are, she doesn't feel the need to have sex and doesn't understand why I should feel any different.
SoIdid something I'm not proud of, I cheated. Yes I know this makes me lowlife scum.
I don't want to cheat again, other than the no sex the relationship is ok and we dont have any kids.
I can only think of 3 solutions:
1 never have sex or any kind of intimacy again in my life.
2 be a cheating scumbag
3 get a divorce
So what does everyone think? any alternative solutions will be greatly appreciated.
Cheers
Why is 4 such a hard option for so many men.
Can’t guarantee it but it’s highly likely if you get caught or leave your wife’s sex will then magically come back when she discovers men who want her & treat her special. It’s not impossible for you to make that change
"
But does their sex drive come back because it was the husband's fault or that they realise they need a sex life to attract a new partner?
Until you've been in the situation, and every situation is different, you can't really know what's going to happen. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok, so I am looking for peoples opinions, I know thats usally not a good idea on fab.
Ive been married for 15 years and my wife stopped wanting and having sex with me approximately 10 years ago.
Initially I put up with it, then I triedtalking about it, her thoughts are, she doesn't feel the need to have sex and doesn't understand why I should feel any different.
SoIdid something I'm not proud of, I cheated. Yes I know this makes me lowlife scum.
I don't want to cheat again, other than the no sex the relationship is ok and we dont have any kids.
I can only think of 3 solutions:
1 never have sex or any kind of intimacy again in my life.
2 be a cheating scumbag
3 get a divorce
So what does everyone think? any alternative solutions will be greatly appreciated.
Cheers
Why is 4 such a hard option for so many men.
Can’t guarantee it but it’s highly likely if you get caught or leave your wife’s sex will then magically come back when she discovers men who want her & treat her special. It’s not impossible for you to make that change
So you’re assuming he hasn’t tried to treat her right or make her feel special? I’d have thought ten years without sex with his wife the poor sod has tried every trick in the book "
Sounds very petty but after 10yrs a great deal of resentment would also have set in. Why would I want to make a special effort when she can't even accept that I'm upset because of this situation in our marriage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok, so I am looking for peoples opinions, I know thats usally not a good idea on fab.
Ive been married for 15 years and my wife stopped wanting and having sex with me approximately 10 years ago.
Initially I put up with it, then I triedtalking about it, her thoughts are, she doesn't feel the need to have sex and doesn't understand why I should feel any different.
SoIdid something I'm not proud of, I cheated. Yes I know this makes me lowlife scum.
I don't want to cheat again, other than the no sex the relationship is ok and we dont have any kids.
I can only think of 3 solutions:
1 never have sex or any kind of intimacy again in my life.
2 be a cheating scumbag
3 get a divorce
So what does everyone think? any alternative solutions will be greatly appreciated.
Cheers
Why is 4 such a hard option for so many men.
Can’t guarantee it but it’s highly likely if you get caught or leave your wife’s sex will then magically come back when she discovers men who want her & treat her special. It’s not impossible for you to make that change
So you’re assuming he hasn’t tried to treat her right or make her feel special? I’d have thought ten years without sex with his wife the poor sod has tried every trick in the book
Sounds very petty but after 10yrs a great deal of resentment would also have set in. Why would I want to make a special effort when she can't even accept that I'm upset because of this situation in our marriage."
Absolutely. If the OP has stuck it out for ten years despite trying to talk to her and explain how it makes him feel etc..he’s going to feel a little resentment. Spending two thirds of his marriage with no rudies. Deserves a medal |
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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"If your wife doesn’t want sex carry on cheating. That said you should probably get a divorce if she’s not giving you any intimacy..why stay married?"
Just my view…..a marriage is far more than just intimacy. The problem here is the unilateral “I don’t want it, so you can’t have it either” decision.
My wife and I chose to have separate sex lives as our interests no longer match; we still love each other to bits and wouldn’t dream of separating, certainly not over that.
It does take a particular attitude to embrace it however, and that may not be in play here.
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Has she offered a reason?
There are many things that can impact libido including mental health, hormones, vitamin deficiency, trauma, menopause among other medical stuff.
Have those avenues been explored?
I've been off sex for 2 years now and in truth can't really see it changing because I'm comfortable without it.
Like me, she may have to face up to and go through the anxiety, fear, confusion and pain of "doing the work" to get her to a place where she wants sex again, or as mentioned above she may actually be asexual.
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"Talk again op and make it clear you're not prepared to go without for the rest of your life.
Ask if you can seek sex elsewhere. If it's an outright no, look to leave the relationship. You won't be happy if you stay and you'll probably resent her if you don't already. "
This, I agree with this 100%.
Me and my husband separated 7yrs ago for 6mths because sexually I wasn't satisfied. We got back together, I think mainly because neither of us were completely done or ready to watch the other start a new relationship..role on to last September, I finally pulled the plug, we had mediocre sex twice last year, feb and Aug.
I am 44, my husband just turned 57, we have 4 children between ages 24 & 10.
I now resent or at least I'm angry with myself for hanging on to something that was unsatisfactory-for him and me, I stayed with him out of convenience and the old corker 'it was never the right time'. Well that fell flat as when I called it a day his mum passed away 3 days later..awful timing or good timing? Well if I hadn't have said anything I'd still be with him now out of guilt.
Top and bottom is, a sexual relationship with a long term partner is paramount to remain fully connected on all levels. So unless you talk deeply and come to an understanding this will all end very bitterly.
You simply cannot take drugs to deaden your desires, it's so unhealthy and that sort of extreme is definitely something you should raise with your partner. You never know, it could wake her up a little bit when she realises the lengths you're willing to go to remain with her. Also tell her how much you want her and need a sexual relationship, be transparent, she needs to know the risks of you finding that companionship elsewhere are high.
Good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok, so I am looking for peoples opinions, I know thats usally not a good idea on fab.
Ive been married for 15 years and my wife stopped wanting and having sex with me approximately 10 years ago.
Initially I put up with it, then I triedtalking about it, her thoughts are, she doesn't feel the need to have sex and doesn't understand why I should feel any different.
SoIdid something I'm not proud of, I cheated. Yes I know this makes me lowlife scum.
I don't want to cheat again, other than the no sex the relationship is ok and we dont have any kids.
I can only think of 3 solutions:
1 never have sex or any kind of intimacy again in my life.
2 be a cheating scumbag
3 get a divorce
So what does everyone think? any alternative solutions will be greatly appreciated.
Cheers
"
Put acid in her coffee and play 100 days of sodom
Or get a charity job and sell penis on Amazon |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd say 3 is probably the best option if no compromise can be reached.
I understand it must be so difficult though as you probably love her to pieces. It's not fair for her to never be intimate with you again and for you to just have to accept that. I don't think I could be truly happy, so I'd have to leave. |
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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago
Lincolnshire |
"1 or 3 or a new option 4
Sit talk to your wife and see if she will ok to play away
But tell her to be papered to maybe meet these people for a social before hand to check everything on the level
Number 2 is just selfish and shouldn’t ever be done
I always ask this question
And get one off two responses ither the angry one or none at all
How would you feel if you found out your wife was on a web site Geting railed off ever one
"
This - option 4 |
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