FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > how to react to being ghosted
how to react to being ghosted
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *ingdang OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Manchester |
So this all sounds very familiar to you guys. Someone approached you and say all the beautiful words and asking you for a meet. You happen to like him too and agreed a date and time to meet him. All good. Then on the day, you can see him log in and out the site, but never speak to you. Time is ticking, and its only 1 hour to the arrange time to meet. So what shall you do? You politely send a reminder to this person, and he either ignore you, and choose not to read the message, or don't log in again.
So what's the mentality of the other person? What shall I do to avoid being ghosted like this? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
To be fair to the other party as we don’t know if they have something that may be urgent/emergency to attend to, I would just let the arranged time pass by and maybe send a polite enquiry to see if all is ok with them. If it’s ignored/not replied to, I’d then just forget about them and move on. I’d probably also put a note on their profile to not arrange anything again. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So this all sounds very familiar to you guys. Someone approached you and say all the beautiful words and asking you for a meet. You happen to like him too and agreed a date and time to meet him. All good. Then on the day, you can see him log in and out the site, but never speak to you. Time is ticking, and its only 1 hour to the arrange time to meet. So what shall you do? You politely send a reminder to this person, and he either ignore you, and choose not to read the message, or don't log in again.
So what's the mentality of the other person? What shall I do to avoid being ghosted like this?"
Move on and be thankful you had a lucky escape
I met a guy off here in December, really nice guy, the type you don’t meet very often, loads in common… everything was fine, 2 weeks ago, haven’t heard from him since….. I really really like him and having problems moving on |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
U probably had a lucky escape and potentially maybe the meeting would have gone bad , maybe …
I find it kinda rude tho that if people change their mind, or something happen, they should just say it.
I don’t tend to get ghosted, but I did get some guys cancel on me cos of X,Y,Z reason. At least I found it more respectful cos I can understand shit happens |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
They might be waiting for you to message, people can play games and find it hard to know where they stand on here. I'd just straight up ask them if the meet is still on, if they don't respond then there's your answer. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ingdang OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Manchester |
To be honest I just blocked someone I have been chatting for long time. He did this to me a few times, and yes I know, its my fault to let him doing this to me again and again.
I actually met him once, and liked him, but after that a meet can never be arranged because he would just disappear on the day without given any reason. He then reappear after sometime and want to meet again.
I know its all my fault to let him doing this to me. I blocked him but still felt the hurt. Hope time is best cure. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
Like others say, block him
It feels like people are waiting for a better offer at times.
Years ago, I'd arranged a social, we agreed a specific date, but we're going to finalise the details later.
Fast forward, he ignored my message then later tried to rearrange. He was told no sorry, you had your chance as he didn't even seem bothered that he'd ignored me etc. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
An off shoot of ghosting is now appearing. It is 'gaslighting'.
This is where the woman, close to the arranged meet time, accuses the man, out of the blue and with no justification, of not wanting to meet her.
However hard he protests that he does wish to meet and will do so she persists in her accusations until eventually she ghosts him. Why she does not say "I have changed my mind" fails me. Yet another timewaster tactic to watch out for.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If they had logged in and not answered my messages etc I would send a final one saying something like “if you don’t message within the next hour I’m not turning up” or words to that effect, then they can see that you aren’t there to be messaged around, don’t give anyone the power to make you feel crap or ghosted, there’s nothing wrong with bring upfront in your decision making   |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I was ghosted a couple of weeks ago. I have kept the messages there just to remind me not to message back. "
As you’re a site supporter, do you know you can put a private note against someone’s profile? Only you can see it, and it’s good when someone does this to you, then comes back a few weeks later when everyone else is busy…… |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Lots of people are only here for the thrill of the chase, they like to know they can get the meet but never have any actual intentions of going through with it, it's their kink
We just have to forget about them & move on, oh & block so they don't waste your time again |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
"I was ghosted a couple of weeks ago. I have kept the messages there just to remind me not to message back.
As you’re a site supporter, do you know you can put a private note against someone’s profile? Only you can see it, and it’s good when someone does this to you, then comes back a few weeks later when everyone else is busy…… "
I use the private note facility, as a site supporter, very often. Useful for a range of aides-memoires about a range of issues!
As for being ghosted, I learned a severe lesson a couple of years ago, but now I simply chalk it up to experience, attach a private note to their profile if they're still onsite and just move on.
I don't try to analyse it too much, some women are just fickle.
Giuseppe Verdi had the situation suummed up a long time ago:
La Donna e mobile:
woman is fickle!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"U probably had a lucky escape and potentially maybe the meeting would have gone bad , maybe …
I find it kinda rude tho that if people change their mind, or something happen, they should just say it.
I don’t tend to get ghosted, but I did get some guys cancel on me cos of X,Y,Z reason. At least I found it more respectful cos I can understand shit happens "
Its of poor taste tbh...i was chatting with a couple for weeks and recently more intensely where late one evening really out of character she asked me all sorts of things she hadn't asked before...which is something i guess in my mind i was hoping for. Make no mistake it was a genuine profile with many photos' and varies to confirm same. Even as far as to chat with her bubby...However, last Thursday she became very flirty and suggested we meet and get a hotel as action spoke louder than words....i quickly looked for a hotel not too far from her location and confirmed a booking...with that i informed her...and we agreed to speak the next morning....So i'm up and showered and checking but guess what BLOCKED! Ironic hey |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I prempt this by letting them know beforehand that I will expect confirmation a few hours before and if I don't get it, I won't be leaving my house."
We've always done this.We also block them if there's no confirmation.
M and M |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *aven888Woman
over a year ago
Gloucester |
maybe a little unfair to say it is just women. I agreed to meet a guy 3 times for a social last week and each time he made an excuse to postpone. (but i decided to give him the benefit of the doubt) Then i was in the chat room and he messages to say that he couldn't 'trust' me because i was talking to people and had decided he didn't want to meet me.......not sure some people actually realise what this site is for |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"U probably had a lucky escape and potentially maybe the meeting would have gone bad , maybe …
I find it kinda rude tho that if people change their mind, or something happen, they should just say it.
I don’t tend to get ghosted, but I did get some guys cancel on me cos of X,Y,Z reason. At least I found it more respectful cos I can understand shit happens "
Its of poor taste tbh...i was chatting with a couple for weeks and recently more intensely where late one evening really out of character she asked me all sorts of things she hadn't asked before...which is something i guess in my mind i was hoping for. Make no mistake it was a genuine profile with many photos' and varies to confirm same. Even as far as to chat with her bubby...However, last Thursday she became very flirty and suggested we meet and get a hotel as action spoke louder than words....i quickly looked for a hotel not too far from her location and confirmed a booking...with that i informed her...and we agreed to speak the next morning....So i'm up and showered and checking but guess what BLOCKED! Ironic hey |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"maybe a little unfair to say it is just women. I agreed to meet a guy 3 times for a social last week and each time he made an excuse to postpone. (but i decided to give him the benefit of the doubt) Then i was in the chat room and he messages to say that he couldn't 'trust' me because i was talking to people and had decided he didn't want to meet me.......not sure some people actually realise what this site is for"
Takes all sorts i guess |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
"maybe a little unfair to say it is just women. I agreed to meet a guy 3 times for a social last week and each time he made an excuse to postpone. (but i decided to give him the benefit of the doubt) Then i was in the chat room and he messages to say that he couldn't 'trust' me because i was talking to people and had decided he didn't want to meet me.......not sure some people actually realise what this site is for"
It would probably be fair to say that he is the controlling, possessive, insecure, jealous type; best avoided!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I've been ghosted a few times over the years. As annoying and disappointing as it may be, I've learnt to just ignore and move on. Although you soon get a sixth sense for who's genuine and who's not. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was ghosted a couple of weeks ago. I have kept the messages there just to remind me not to message back.
As you’re a site supporter, do you know you can put a private note against someone’s profile? Only you can see it, and it’s good when someone does this to you, then comes back a few weeks later when everyone else is busy…… "
I’ve learnt something new today!! Thank you kind Sir (goes off to make notes…) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"U probably had a lucky escape and potentially maybe the meeting would have gone bad , maybe …
I find it kinda rude tho that if people change their mind, or something happen, they should just say it.
I don’t tend to get ghosted, but I did get some guys cancel on me cos of X,Y,Z reason. At least I found it more respectful cos I can understand shit happens
Its of poor taste tbh...i was chatting with a couple for weeks and recently more intensely where late one evening really out of character she asked me all sorts of things she hadn't asked before...which is something i guess in my mind i was hoping for. Make no mistake it was a genuine profile with many photos' and varies to confirm same. Even as far as to chat with her bubby...However, last Thursday she became very flirty and suggested we meet and get a hotel as action spoke louder than words....i quickly looked for a hotel not too far from her location and confirmed a booking...with that i informed her...and we agreed to speak the next morning....So i'm up and showered and checking but guess what BLOCKED! Ironic hey "
I suspect this was a horny d*unken late night chat on her part, but it’s a dick move to block you  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"U probably had a lucky escape and potentially maybe the meeting would have gone bad , maybe …
I find it kinda rude tho that if people change their mind, or something happen, they should just say it.
I don’t tend to get ghosted, but I did get some guys cancel on me cos of X,Y,Z reason. At least I found it more respectful cos I can understand shit happens
Its of poor taste tbh...i was chatting with a couple for weeks and recently more intensely where late one evening really out of character she asked me all sorts of things she hadn't asked before...which is something i guess in my mind i was hoping for. Make no mistake it was a genuine profile with many photos' and varies to confirm same. Even as far as to chat with her bubby...However, last Thursday she became very flirty and suggested we meet and get a hotel as action spoke louder than words....i quickly looked for a hotel not too far from her location and confirmed a booking...with that i informed her...and we agreed to speak the next morning....So i'm up and showered and checking but guess what BLOCKED! Ironic hey
I suspect this was a horny d*unken late night chat on her part, but it’s a dick move to block you "
I thought so too...but i guess it brings you back to reality and its only a SEX site |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"I was ghosted a couple of weeks ago. I have kept the messages there just to remind me not to message back. "
You know the drop down menu you can leave notes as messages don't stay forever unless you've saved |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"U probably had a lucky escape and potentially maybe the meeting would have gone bad , maybe …
I find it kinda rude tho that if people change their mind, or something happen, they should just say it.
I don’t tend to get ghosted, but I did get some guys cancel on me cos of X,Y,Z reason. At least I found it more respectful cos I can understand shit happens
Its of poor taste tbh...i was chatting with a couple for weeks and recently more intensely where late one evening really out of character she asked me all sorts of things she hadn't asked before...which is something i guess in my mind i was hoping for. Make no mistake it was a genuine profile with many photos' and varies to confirm same. Even as far as to chat with her bubby...However, last Thursday she became very flirty and suggested we meet and get a hotel as action spoke louder than words....i quickly looked for a hotel not too far from her location and confirmed a booking...with that i informed her...and we agreed to speak the next morning....So i'm up and showered and checking but guess what BLOCKED! Ironic hey
I suspect this was a horny d*unken late night chat on her part, but it’s a dick move to block you
I thought so too...but i guess it brings you back to reality and its only a SEX site "
Yeah but still doesn’t make that ok. Hope you had a back up to make the most of the hotel?! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"U probably had a lucky escape and potentially maybe the meeting would have gone bad , maybe …
I find it kinda rude tho that if people change their mind, or something happen, they should just say it.
I don’t tend to get ghosted, but I did get some guys cancel on me cos of X,Y,Z reason. At least I found it more respectful cos I can understand shit happens
Its of poor taste tbh...i was chatting with a couple for weeks and recently more intensely where late one evening really out of character she asked me all sorts of things she hadn't asked before...which is something i guess in my mind i was hoping for. Make no mistake it was a genuine profile with many photos' and varies to confirm same. Even as far as to chat with her bubby...However, last Thursday she became very flirty and suggested we meet and get a hotel as action spoke louder than words....i quickly looked for a hotel not too far from her location and confirmed a booking...with that i informed her...and we agreed to speak the next morning....So i'm up and showered and checking but guess what BLOCKED! Ironic hey
I suspect this was a horny d*unken late night chat on her part, but it’s a dick move to block you
I thought so too...but i guess it brings you back to reality and its only a SEX site
Yeah but still doesn’t make that ok. Hope you had a back up to make the most of the hotel?! "
regrettably as it was past 2am when i booked it and lost my money too |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I prempt this by letting them know beforehand that I will expect confirmation a few hours before and if I don't get it, I won't be leaving my house."
Same!
Or I'll check in the night before.
Quite often they go quiet about 2 days before... Then suddenly reappear weeks/months down the line. Always happy to tell them why they won't get another chance. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I prempt this by letting them know beforehand that I will expect confirmation a few hours before and if I don't get it, I won't be leaving my house.
Same!
Or I'll check in the night before.
Quite often they go quiet about 2 days before... Then suddenly reappear weeks/months down the line. Always happy to tell them why they won't get another chance."
Cant imagine why anyone would cancel you Mimi....must be this new found wolke culture |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"maybe a little unfair to say it is just women. I agreed to meet a guy 3 times for a social last week and each time he made an excuse to postpone. (but i decided to give him the benefit of the doubt) Then i was in the chat room and he messages to say that he couldn't 'trust' me because i was talking to people and had decided he didn't want to meet me.......not sure some people actually realise what this site is for"
That, lady, is gaslighting. He blames you for what he has decided to do.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There could be all sorts of reasons why he did this but ultimately it’s disrespectful! I have no time for men who are disrespectful, seriously there’s no need! Block, move on, give no fucks, there will be another one along in a minute 
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Hi op. It used to be that around 70% of my meets never happened for one reason or another. Frustrating as I’m generally 100% reliable. However - since lockdown I’ve had much more reliable meets. Partly due to luck I imagine - but also because I meet far less these days - and only with people I feel I have a genuine connection with. Unless we’ve met before somewhere there’s also a social/coffee somewhere. Imo if they can’t be arsed to meet for a coffee to make sure we click then they’re not worth a shag.
Hence - as I meet far less - my ‘success’ rate tends to be far greater. The only thing that used to frustrate me is that you can have an amazing meet with mind blowing sex - mutually agree to a semi regular friendship - but it never materialises. These days I’ve learned to become philosophical and smile at the memory of a bloody great meet. If you don’t happen to meet again then so be it.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Been there, done that, got the T-shirt and it’s a shit feeling when it happens, but we just need to pick ourselves up and move on "
its the nature of sites like these
more than happy to send pics and chat... but actually meet? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I don't get the question.
Surely reacting to a ghosting isn't real?
I know ghosting happens but it's just someone not responding/replying. Just accept it and move on
How are you supposed to react? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't get the question.
Surely reacting to a ghosting isn't real?
I know ghosting happens but it's just someone not responding/replying. Just accept it and move on
How are you supposed to react? "
Who ya gonna call? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
You should go to a forest clearing on a moonless nigh t, howl your frustrations to the void until Eldrich beings fine to investigate, strike a bargain with them to make the ghoster suffer for some unknowable price to yourself.
Or if the weather's a bit miserable I guess you could just block and move on line everyone else suggests.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't get the question.
Surely reacting to a ghosting isn't real?
I know ghosting happens but it's just someone not responding/replying. Just accept it and move on
How are you supposed to react?
Who ya gonna call? "
Ghostbusters
Sorry had to do it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *xploring_FunWoman
over a year ago
Usually South, Currently North |
"I prempt this by letting them know beforehand that I will expect confirmation a few hours before and if I don't get it, I won't be leaving my house."
I do that now too. And if they’re coming to meet me (or on my couple profile with my other half) I’ll give them the street name or hotel name, but not the door number until they confirm.
Organised with 4 guys one evening for the next morning. All well verified. Only one confirmed for the door number the next morning.
I gave the other 3 24 hours to come up with the excuse then blocked. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
So the person that ghosted me exactly three years ago to the week, has popped back up. Nice small talk messages messages about how I am.
I’ve got to the age where I’m quite direct so I called her out on it. She replied but ignored what I said and changed the subject.
I’ve just deleted her messages. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
... 