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Set in their ways
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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What do you think when people say that they're set in their ways?
Is it something you'll challenge and try to get them to change or just accept it despite the flaws that you perceive in their stance and is it a valid excuse for their behaviour and the way they act? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I tried to challenge them, then I’d go gently. I like to put forward my view, but realistically they’re probably not going to change. Nothing wrong with broadening their horizons a bit though! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m not conceited enough to tell anyone that my way is the right way (even though, clearly, it often is ) so if they want to do or think things their way, good for them.
If they’re clearly wrong and this can easily be demonstrated then I might challenge their views with my perception of the ‘facts’ but if they don’t want to listen, then life is too short to get into arguments about it. Imho. Let them be wrong!! |
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It depends how they convey that strance. If it's expressed like it often is on fab when people say I'm an arsehole and that's just who I am and you have to accept it then I avoid completely.
If it's said politely as a way of saying they are comfortable with who they are I won't attempt to convince them otherwise. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
Depends. Shocking for me, I know.
I'd never force somebody to change their ways, but their ways may not be as beneficial to them as they think so I'd attempt to show them another way and then let them adjust for themselves. If they then choose to stick to their own way then so be it. I can at least say I presented an alternative and offered to help them adjust to it. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"It depends how they convey that strance. If it's expressed like it often is on fab when people say I'm an arsehole and that's just who I am and you have to accept it then I avoid completely.
If it's said politely as a way of saying they are comfortable with who they are I won't attempt to convince them otherwise. "
Also this at times. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What if your parents are set in their ways? Mine are, they're in their 80's now and very, very old fashioned. They've got worse with age so there's no changing it now. It's hard work having parents like that. If I say anything, I'm wrong and if I don't saying, I'm wrong. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. How are you meant to deal with it? I've taken the notion now to just not care anymore x  |
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"What if your parents are set in their ways? Mine are, they're in their 80's now and very, very old fashioned. They've got worse with age so there's no changing it now. It's hard work having parents like that. If I say anything, I'm wrong and if I don't saying, I'm wrong. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. How are you meant to deal with it? I've taken the notion now to just not care anymore x "
The one thing that does come, as you get older, is your ability to not care what anybody thinks of you. Yeah, the words sometimes hurt, but you can normally brush it off x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Now I am more aware of conditions like autism etc, I am not so quick to assume people are stubborn or inflexible. Could be an explanation behind their ways  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What if your parents are set in their ways? Mine are, they're in their 80's now and very, very old fashioned. They've got worse with age so there's no changing it now. It's hard work having parents like that. If I say anything, I'm wrong and if I don't saying, I'm wrong. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. How are you meant to deal with it? I've taken the notion now to just not care anymore x
The one thing that does come, as you get older, is your ability to not care what anybody thinks of you. Yeah, the words sometimes hurt, but you can normally brush it off x"
I've been doing that more and more as the years go on x |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"What do you think when people say that they're set in their ways?
Is it something you'll challenge and try to get them to change or just accept it despite the flaws that you perceive in their stance and is it a valid excuse for their behaviour and the way they act?"
I think if people need to quote clichés it sums them up, not the person they are talking about.
Paradoxical or what.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now I am more aware of conditions like autism etc, I am not so quick to assume people are stubborn or inflexible. Could be an explanation behind their ways "
I have three autistic kids - can't say I'd ever call them set in their ways. I guess it's how you define it. |
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By *avie65Man
over a year ago
In the west. |
"What if your parents are set in their ways? Mine are, they're in their 80's now and very, very old fashioned. They've got worse with age so there's no changing it now. It's hard work having parents like that. If I say anything, I'm wrong and if I don't saying, I'm wrong. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. How are you meant to deal with it? I've taken the notion now to just not care anymore x "
I have been there, more so with with my mother. My brother's could do no wrong, that's because they were never there, but I took all the shite. Those that do more are taken for granted but we can live with ourselves. |
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By *eisty LadyWoman
over a year ago
Count Your Blessings Cottage, Gratitude Grove |
I’d never ask or expect anyone to change
We are either compatible or not - that goes for friends, family, relationships or whatever
If it doesn’t work naturally I just walk away before things get difficult, it generally does if people have different values, beliefs or viewpoints |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends what it is, most of the time people have their way of thinking and they are entitled to do that.
However any kind of prejudice, I don't buy the argument of being set in their ways.. this I will challenge. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now I am more aware of conditions like autism etc, I am not so quick to assume people are stubborn or inflexible. Could be an explanation behind their ways
I have three autistic kids - can't say I'd ever call them set in their ways. I guess it's how you define it. "
My sister also has 3 young/ teenage autistic sons and I lived with them before and still involved in helping weekly. They are very ridged, it is basically the same day in day out. I will say this though, bloody hard work so I 100% sympathise and admire parents like my sister and you |
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"What do you think when people say that they're set in their ways?
Is it something you'll challenge and try to get them to change or just accept it despite the flaws that you perceive in their stance and is it a valid excuse for their behaviour and the way they act?"
I think the key word is "perceive". Just because you think it's a flaw doesn't mean it is to them. I wouldn't try to change anyone just as I wouldn't change for anyone else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now I am more aware of conditions like autism etc, I am not so quick to assume people are stubborn or inflexible. Could be an explanation behind their ways
I have three autistic kids - can't say I'd ever call them set in their ways. I guess it's how you define it.
My sister also has 3 young/ teenage autistic sons and I lived with them before and still involved in helping weekly. They are very ridged, it is basically the same day in day out. I will say this though, bloody hard work so I 100% sympathise and admire parents like my sister and you "
Thank you. I suspect my fourth child is also ASD and it is pretty hard going sometimes on my own. Yes the routines and so forth can be very rigid but I guess I see "set in their ways" as a rigid view of the world. An inability to adapt and change opinions and perspectives rather than what food they will eat. Just my take. I have a couple of friends with ASD and they have very open perspectives on life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now I am more aware of conditions like autism etc, I am not so quick to assume people are stubborn or inflexible. Could be an explanation behind their ways
I have three autistic kids - can't say I'd ever call them set in their ways. I guess it's how you define it.
My sister also has 3 young/ teenage autistic sons and I lived with them before and still involved in helping weekly. They are very ridged, it is basically the same day in day out. I will say this though, bloody hard work so I 100% sympathise and admire parents like my sister and you
Thank you. I suspect my fourth child is also ASD and it is pretty hard going sometimes on my own. Yes the routines and so forth can be very rigid but I guess I see "set in their ways" as a rigid view of the world. An inability to adapt and change opinions and perspectives rather than what food they will eat. Just my take. I have a couple of friends with ASD and they have very open perspectives on life. "
You mainly doing it alone! I hope you get some respite yourself and some help at least here and there from family/ authorities? You really are a super-level mum, when you see parents complain with ordinary children you think ‘you have no idea’. I was living at my sisters for 18 months before, I saw it daily, I really do know how it can be |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m not conceited enough to tell anyone that my way is the right way (even though, clearly, it often is) so if they want to do or think things their way, good for them.
If they’re clearly wrong and this can easily be demonstrated then I might challenge their views with my perception of the ‘facts’ but if they don’t want to listen, then life is too short to get into arguments about it. Imho. Let them be wrong!!"
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What if your parents are set in their ways? Mine are, they're in their 80's now and very, very old fashioned. They've got worse with age so there's no changing it now. It's hard work having parents like that. If I say anything, I'm wrong and if I don't saying, I'm wrong. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. How are you meant to deal with it? I've taken the notion now to just not care anymore x
I have been there, more so with with my mother. My brother's could do no wrong, that's because they were never there, but I took all the shite. Those that do more are taken for granted but we can live with ourselves. "
It's more my mother too. My dad is deaf now and doesn't keep very well. I feel sorry for him having to out up with the crap from my mother. My sister's like your brother, can do no wrong and I'm seen as trouble. I just don't want her drama and negativity anymore. I don't have the energy x |
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If our "set ways" are similar - happy days, we'll be friends.
If our "set in our ways" is open to hearing and understanding other people's reasons for their actions. Type of people who don't push their "set ways" on others.
Those are the kind of people that deserve looking up to and friendship is very likely.
If they're the type of people who don't even want to consider hearing someone out - I'd stay the hell away and avoid all interactions with them.
Missus |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now I am more aware of conditions like autism etc, I am not so quick to assume people are stubborn or inflexible. Could be an explanation behind their ways
I have three autistic kids - can't say I'd ever call them set in their ways. I guess it's how you define it.
My sister also has 3 young/ teenage autistic sons and I lived with them before and still involved in helping weekly. They are very ridged, it is basically the same day in day out. I will say this though, bloody hard work so I 100% sympathise and admire parents like my sister and you
Thank you. I suspect my fourth child is also ASD and it is pretty hard going sometimes on my own. Yes the routines and so forth can be very rigid but I guess I see "set in their ways" as a rigid view of the world. An inability to adapt and change opinions and perspectives rather than what food they will eat. Just my take. I have a couple of friends with ASD and they have very open perspectives on life.
You mainly doing it alone! I hope you get some respite yourself and some help at least here and there from family/ authorities? You really are a super-level mum, when you see parents complain with ordinary children you think ‘you have no idea’. I was living at my sisters for 18 months before, I saw it daily, I really do know how it can be "
Mine are all teens now, it's easier. Not super level at all. But thank you.  |
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