FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Do guys want a fwb?
Do guys want a fwb?
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Just advice from you lovely ladies & gents , I’ve been single almost 5 years (sounds worse out loud!) I tried ‘normal’ dating waste of time, I enjoy a man’s company now & then so joined here in 2017, I’m finding it tricky as my preference is regular rather than ‘one offs’ but guys say they want regular then our paths don’t really seem to cross again or should I say the ones I want to be regular don’t , I’m not a needy person, independent, own home so think I would tick a lot of boxes where am I going wrong ? TIA x |
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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago
Milton keynes |
Yeah, I get what you're saying. I've been single for 5 years and conventional dating hasn't really worked out for me so here I am.. I suppose it depends on the person you're seeing.. everyone is searching for different things. It's just searching for that someone that wants the same things as you that's the tricky part. Dont let it get you down though.. I'm sure that "regular" special someone is out there and you will find him  |
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"Just advice from you lovely ladies & gents , I’ve been single almost 5 years (sounds worse out loud!) I tried ‘normal’ dating waste of time, I enjoy a man’s company now & then so joined here in 2017, I’m finding it tricky as my preference is regular rather than ‘one offs’ but guys say they want regular then our paths don’t really seem to cross again or should I say the ones I want to be regular don’t , I’m not a needy person, independent, own home so think I would tick a lot of boxes where am I going wrong ? TIA x "
I have the same problem, I'm not sure what I do wrong. I'm not needy either. Thanks for that question OP. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always think that looking for something makes it harder to find as you put undue pressure on yourself to find it and end up looking in the wrong places. For me these type of relationships have always evolved naturally. Just my opinion of course. |
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"I always think that looking for something makes it harder to find as you put undue pressure on yourself to find it and end up looking in the wrong places. For me these type of relationships have always evolved naturally. Just my opinion of course. "
Fair point Scarlet  |
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Difficult to reach a conclusion. In my time I would have loved a true fwb. However I seem to end up with a "dependent lady". Without being conceited, I think the difficulty is to discover a meeting of equals.
just a comment on the responses here though - mostly from ladies with many, many veris. Why is that I ask myself. So often ladies post that they don't want to be a notch on the bedpost! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends on what you mean by FWB.
Many men will say whatever it takes to get a fuck.
Their idea of FWB means they text you when they want a fuck or wank chat. Ghost the rest of the time until they are horny again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Doughnut has a gf and I would like a FWB, just someone I can meet up with once a week, we fuck, we watch a film together that kind of thing and then I go home.
Danish x |
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I came out of a particularly nasty relationship a couple of years ago, and now I'm not even sure if I want one again. Sadly I still have an itch that needs scratching every now and then though so a fwb would be ideal |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"I always think that looking for something makes it harder to find as you put undue pressure on yourself to find it and end up looking in the wrong places. For me these type of relationships have always evolved naturally. Just my opinion of course. "
I'd very much agree with this. Yes, some men would like a fwb dynamic but it's about timing, things moving organically and how compatible people are when in one. It's not something that can be forced, too much pressure from either party leads to it being a bit of a disaster. |
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"Depends on what you mean by FWB.
Many men will say whatever it takes to get a fuck.
Their idea of FWB means they text you when they want a fuck or wank chat. Ghost the rest of the time until they are horny again. "
Oh dear, you are so right 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just advice from you lovely ladies & gents , I’ve been single almost 5 years (sounds worse out loud!) I tried ‘normal’ dating waste of time, I enjoy a man’s company now & then so joined here in 2017, I’m finding it tricky as my preference is regular rather than ‘one offs’ but guys say they want regular then our paths don’t really seem to cross again or should I say the ones I want to be regular don’t , I’m not a needy person, independent, own home so think I would tick a lot of boxes where am I going wrong ? TIA x "
Why, are you offering? |
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"Yes I just said that too lol x"
If you quote the person you are replying to makes it much easier to follow lol
In answer to thread I agree men say what we want to hear so get to know them first it will soon become apparent if they are after just a fk or an actual FWB X good luck |
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One thing that may be making things more difficult for you to find a FWB is the lack of a more specific location on your profile. 'England, West Midlands' is a big area and that lack of info might put some off.
The lack of location happens on a lot of profiles, not just yours. We often get messages from guys and some couples whose location is 'lala land' or 'just around the corner' etc. That puts us off straight away. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes and no
Yes to push more kink things
And no because I like one off also I like people to sample me also
Find that some get jellos when still meeting others
Ideal would be one or 2 regulars for kinks and stuff
Who don’t mind me still have the odd one night with others |
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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago
Up North |
"Difficult to reach a conclusion. In my time I would have loved a true fwb. However I seem to end up with a "dependent lady". Without being conceited, I think the difficulty is to discover a meeting of equals.
just a comment on the responses here though - mostly from ladies with many, many veris. Why is that I ask myself. So often ladies post that they don't want to be a notch on the bedpost! "
Do you think because we have lots of versus we must of had sex with them all. If that’s the case you have no idea about swinging/club scene |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Difficult to reach a conclusion. In my time I would have loved a true fwb. However I seem to end up with a "dependent lady". Without being conceited, I think the difficulty is to discover a meeting of equals.
just a comment on the responses here though - mostly from ladies with many, many veris. Why is that I ask myself. So often ladies post that they don't want to be a notch on the bedpost! "
A) what is a "dependent lady"?
B) Are you aware that veris can come from socials and aren't necessarily sexual? It's a very judgemental comment tbh. You seem to be suggesting that an equal is a woman who doesn't have sex with others. Or perhaps fewer people than you have sex with?  |
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"Difficult to reach a conclusion. In my time I would have loved a true fwb. However I seem to end up with a "dependent lady". Without being conceited, I think the difficulty is to discover a meeting of equals.
just a comment on the responses here though - mostly from ladies with many, many veris. Why is that I ask myself. So often ladies post that they don't want to be a notch on the bedpost! "
Personally speaking a lot of my veris are purely a social only , or meets with the same people, also has it not occurred to you that in order to find a regular FWB you have to have that initial meet there are no guarantees you will meet again as much as you may want it hence you may end up with different veris from different people |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
It takes a very special person to become a regular FB, it’s basically like a friend , you see them regularly because you like being around them. If it was just for sex, it’s often easier and more exciting to have someone new. It’s finding that match that works for both and it’s always way more than just the sex
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
Any man or woman who is looking for something regular needs to make an effort, I met my fwb on my first profile here, we took time to build trust and explore each other. We spend time doing other things than having sex, we share a lot of common ground and we also share the same thought process in that we don’t expect to see each-other every week, we don’t have set days we meet and we don’t believe one person can give us all we desire. We have a mutual respect for each-other and a friendship above anything else but it took time, communication and understanding to get there.
And most of all neither of us were looking for this when we first met, sometimes looking for something is the issue, there’s a lot to be said for the unexpected xx |
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Its my ideal scenario to be honest, I'm poly and much prefer a regular connection that is more than just sex.....there are clubs for one offs which also serve a purpose but I want more.
I have a long term partner who knows, is happy for me to have a regular other and if possible would like to get to know her too.
Finding it is a lot easier said than done though. |
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"Any man or woman who is looking for something regular needs to make an effort, I met my fwb on my first profile here, we took time to build trust and explore each other. We spend time doing other things than having sex, we share a lot of common ground and we also share the same thought process in that we don’t expect to see each-other every week, we don’t have set days we meet and we don’t believe one person can give us all we desire. We have a mutual respect for each-other and a friendship above anything else but it took time, communication and understanding to get there.
And most of all neither of us were looking for this when we first met, sometimes looking for something is the issue, there’s a lot to be said for the unexpected xx"
This explains for me why it would be so good and also why it's difficult to find |
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"Just advice from you lovely ladies & gents , I’ve been single almost 5 years (sounds worse out loud!) I tried ‘normal’ dating waste of time, I enjoy a man’s company now & then so joined here in 2017, I’m finding it tricky as my preference is regular rather than ‘one offs’ but guys say they want regular then our paths don’t really seem to cross again or should I say the ones I want to be regular don’t , I’m not a needy person, independent, own home so think I would tick a lot of boxes where am I going wrong ? TIA x "
It's hard to say where or if you are going wrong...I would have to spend sufficient time with you to be able to come to a conclusion. Finding a fwb is just as hard as finding a partner, it's all about compatibility...just in different ways |
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Hi op.
In my experience with the men I’ve met there’s often been a kind of conundrum (on their part) - the person you’ve met before, got on well with and had bloody great sex with - versus the excitement of the unknown entity - the ‘shiny new fuck’.
The shiny new fuck could turn out to be a total damp squib, look nothing like their pictures and be crap in bed. However - there’s a 1% chance that the shiny new fuck will be drop dead gorgeous and the best fuck on earth.
I generally avoid newbies as they err towards the shiny new fuck.
I’ve also met many chaps who disappear for a while into relationship land or the shiny new fuck stage then come back again.
I don’t do grudges. If I remember them as being great I’ll meet them again - often regularly. If I can’t remember them I assume they can’t have been that good and they’re out. I went through the shiny new fuck stage myself when first joining fab. It was fun but most of us evolve. It’s far too much effort chatting to a new person for ages and having a social every time you want a shag!  Hence I’ve got to the stage of looking for a few regular or semi regular Fri who are great company and a marvellous shag.
It’s not easy - but fab never is! |
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By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago
Bognor Regis |
It's definitely something I've been looking for. Nearly all of the meets I've had have been with men who say they want the same on their profile- I've spent time chatting & putting in some groundwork but when it's come to meeting up, it's never any more than a one-off shag. I have decided that most blokes might say they want a fwb, but they actually want all of the benefits & none of the friend part 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's definitely something I've been looking for. Nearly all of the meets I've had have been with men who say they want the same on their profile- I've spent time chatting & putting in some groundwork but when it's come to meeting up, it's never any more than a one-off shag. I have decided that most blokes might say they want a fwb, but they actually want all of the benefits & none of the friend part
"
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"It's definitely something I've been looking for. Nearly all of the meets I've had have been with men who say they want the same on their profile- I've spent time chatting & putting in some groundwork but when it's come to meeting up, it's never any more than a one-off shag. I have decided that most blokes might say they want a fwb, but they actually want all of the benefits & none of the friend part
"
I agree with you.
There is a big difference between a fb and a fwb.
I've found lots on here want a fb but say they want a fwb.
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By *ibonacciMan
over a year ago
hidden location |
"Just advice from you lovely ladies & gents , I’ve been single almost 5 years (sounds worse out loud!) I tried ‘normal’ dating waste of time, I enjoy a man’s company now & then so joined here in 2017, I’m finding it tricky as my preference is regular rather than ‘one offs’ but guys say they want regular then our paths don’t really seem to cross again or should I say the ones I want to be regular don’t , I’m not a needy person, independent, own home so think I would tick a lot of boxes where am I going wrong ? TIA x "
OK, this may not be what you want to hear, but here goes..
There are a few possible reasons (not exclusive, but they are three I identify with).
1) The guy(s) lie or distort the truth of what they are looking for simply to get some. Whether its a conquest thing or the guy not wanting any type of attachment, this happens quite often. Don't understand the psychology of it but it does happen and its very hard to filter.
2) There are lots of guys who like FWB. I am one of them. But I find it is sometimes very hard to exactly match FWB expectations with the lady. FWB means something different to everyone and lets face it; we want the FWB because we like our own space - maybe call it that we are selfish and set in our ways - and often its difficult to get someone who is cool, relaxed and fits that 'model' exactly as we would like - and our timetable of when we want them. Hence one or both parties shy away from it sooner or later.
3) The last reason is that sometimes when we meet someone, despite all the chatting and decision that we are compatible, sometimes after the first hot session - maybe in the pillow talk after - we find that they are not just as we thought and so it goes downhill from there.
So that is all just from my perspective. I know it doesn't give any answers, but it may help to decipher some of the reasons.
I do hope you find that FWB (or plural!) that you are looking for, because when you get that in place, it is pretty damn good |
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"Just advice from you lovely ladies & gents , I’ve been single almost 5 years (sounds worse out loud!) I tried ‘normal’ dating waste of time, I enjoy a man’s company now & then so joined here in 2017, I’m finding it tricky as my preference is regular rather than ‘one offs’ but guys say they want regular then our paths don’t really seem to cross again or should I say the ones I want to be regular don’t , I’m not a needy person, independent, own home so think I would tick a lot of boxes where am I going wrong ? TIA x "
I prefer having longer term friends for regular, reliable fun. One of my friends I’ve been seeing now for about 7 years, others for 3-4 years. I do like the excitement and unknown elements of meeting someone new, so the occasional one-off can be fun, and I have tried the club scene too, but I do like the friendship and banter I have with regulars |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"Hi op.
In my experience with the men I’ve met there’s often been a kind of conundrum (on their part) - the person you’ve met before, got on well with and had bloody great sex with - versus the excitement of the unknown entity - the ‘shiny new fuck’.
The shiny new fuck could turn out to be a total damp squib, look nothing like their pictures and be crap in bed. However - there’s a 1% chance that the shiny new fuck will be drop dead gorgeous and the best fuck on earth.
I generally avoid newbies as they err towards the shiny new fuck.
I’ve also met many chaps who disappear for a while into relationship land or the shiny new fuck stage then come back again.
I don’t do grudges. If I remember them as being great I’ll meet them again - often regularly. If I can’t remember them I assume they can’t have been that good and they’re out. I went through the shiny new fuck stage myself when first joining fab. It was fun but most of us evolve. It’s far too much effort chatting to a new person for ages and having a social every time you want a shag! Hence I’ve got to the stage of looking for a few regular or semi regular Fri who are great company and a marvellous shag.
It’s not easy - but fab never is! "
For me, I just do my thing. Sometimes that may be a prior shag or shiny new one. If it happens it happens. I suppose I don’t really push either way, so people probably think I am not being assertive; actually I ain’t.
I am more than happy to chat to people and bang the world to rights than asking for a shag lol. Which is funny in the scene, I am more than capable in shagging and playing and being kinky twat, but only if my mood takes me lol
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"Depends on what you mean by FWB.
Many men will say whatever it takes to get a fuck.
Their idea of FWB means they text you when they want a fuck or wank chat. Ghost the rest of the time until they are horny again. "
This... They think it's the same as a fuck buddy, come over, fuck, leave. With no other interaction. I want someone I can spend a chilled few hours with, have a laugh and a chat as well as sex.
So many say they want this, but in reality they're just looking for one offs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I enjoy a fwb only until they catch feelings, which gets a bit sticky as I enjoy their company and friendship but i don’t like them that way. It’s hard to find a girl that doesn’t catch feelings in the end, well for me lol |
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"Difficult to reach a conclusion. In my time I would have loved a true fwb. However I seem to end up with a "dependent lady". Without being conceited, I think the difficulty is to discover a meeting of equals.
just a comment on the responses here though - mostly from ladies with many, many veris. Why is that I ask myself. So often ladies post that they don't want to be a notch on the bedpost! "
All my veris are from socials... So that means nothing. Majority didn't result in meets. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd like a few friends with benefits.
It's tricky because even though initially it might be a good idea, it does take some time to find out if the compatability for friendship is there..
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"I'd like a few friends with benefits.
It's tricky because even though initially it might be a good idea, it does take some time to find out if the compatability for friendship is there..
"
I’m not too far away  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd like a few friends with benefits.
It's tricky because even though initially it might be a good idea, it does take some time to find out if the compatability for friendship is there..
"
Fuck first, friends later |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd like a few friends with benefits.
It's tricky because even though initially it might be a good idea, it does take some time to find out if the compatability for friendship is there..
I’m not too far away "
Somerset is 3 hrs or something  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd like a few friends with benefits.
It's tricky because even though initially it might be a good idea, it does take some time to find out if the compatability for friendship is there..
Fuck first, friends later"
Hell yeh. Need a few test drives first |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes but would need to have some similar interests and values as well as the sexual spark. Ideally want someone to explore the club scene with, so this could be long fun car journeys as well so the 'friendship' part matters as much as the 'benefits' part |
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I think the issue is to me a FWB is someone you hook up with occasionally if you bump into in a night out, certainly not someone I'd go to the pub on my own with etc unless we were at a lose end
As soon as you mention regular that implies some level of commitment, are you talking once a week, once a fortnight, once a month? Either way it's a commitment that's moved on from being just FWB & something many may not be willing to commit to
Is it purely sex your looking for or do you want drinks, a night in with a takeaway first etc as that also implies dating to me, it sounds casual and fun from the beginning but I can see how it would feel like a relationship quite quickly to some |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always think that looking for something makes it harder to find as you put undue pressure on yourself to find it and end up looking in the wrong places. For me these type of relationships have always evolved naturally. Just my opinion of course. "
I agree with this. It's like any
friendship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd like a few friends with benefits.
It's tricky because even though initially it might be a good idea, it does take some time to find out if the compatability for friendship is there..
Fuck first, friends later
Hell yeh. Need a few test drives first "
My type of women |
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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago
Birmingham |
In the past I have had three; so yes, it’s something that at least some blokes would be into.
What might put some off is the potential for you to get ‘the feels’, even if that’s a misinterpretation on their part. It happened to me with two of my FwBs; we got past it and stayed friends, but it ultimately ended the FwB dynamic.
The FwB it didn’t happen with was in an open marriage, so it was never going to be issue as she and her hubby were (and still are) absolutely solid. |
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
I have had FWB in the past ironically from dating sites where the ladies stating they were looking for friends or casual relationship. I would always take the ladies out for a drink or meal first then adult fun later. |
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"Just advice from you lovely ladies & gents , I’ve been single almost 5 years (sounds worse out loud!) I tried ‘normal’ dating waste of time, I enjoy a man’s company now & then so joined here in 2017, I’m finding it tricky as my preference is regular rather than ‘one offs’ but guys say they want regular then our paths don’t really seem to cross again or should I say the ones I want to be regular don’t , I’m not a needy person, independent, own home so think I would tick a lot of boxes where am I going wrong ? TIA x "
I had a female fb for about 4 years (till she tragically died). At the same time I also had a male fb, and both knew about each other. She was obsessed with mm sex and occasionally we brought in another guy, but it was usually her pegging and fisting me, and vice versa(we had a shared love of what we considered to be slightly kinky sex) though she would want to know all the details about what me and my male fb got up to.He didn't want to meet up or really know anything about her and me. I'm still seeing the male fb after about 7 years.
The reason I saw them regularly? In a sexless but happy marriage and I want a sex life. They're single and happy to stay that way without complications. I've been very lucky, though I would like a long term female fb again even on a more vanilla footing, as I do miss that much more than I ever would miss mm sex.
There are people out there, maybe just give a few more a bit more of a chance than you normally would. They might surprise you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just advice from you lovely ladies & gents , I’ve been single almost 5 years (sounds worse out loud!) I tried ‘normal’ dating waste of time, I enjoy a man’s company now & then so joined here in 2017, I’m finding it tricky as my preference is regular rather than ‘one offs’ but guys say they want regular then our paths don’t really seem to cross again or should I say the ones I want to be regular don’t , I’m not a needy person, independent, own home so think I would tick a lot of boxes where am I going wrong ? TIA x "
Be patient and sooner or later you will meet someone that will mutualy give you that. Took me a while before I met my fb, she just wants what i want and it works great. |
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I think a lot of people have very different ideas what they want from a FWB or FB and that’s where it’s difficult.
I had a FWB from here for a fair while. We chatted by text most days, met up for food, drinks, cinema and sex whenever we were both free. It was the fun bits of a relationship but with no bills, commitment or need for either of us to be exclusive. The familiarity was the fun bit. That ended when he wanted a full on relationship with someone.
I also had a long term FB. We met once a month. Amazing sex. Occasionally chatted between times but generally just the few days before or when making plans. Sometimes we didn’t meet because that month (we were in the same place at the same time) one of us was meeting someone else, or busy, and that was fine.
Both fun, but very different. Also naturally evolved after the first meeting. |
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Have to agree. Looking for similar but seems to be hard to find. Something that naturally progresses after the first meet and be able to join the social side as well as the fun naughty side . The random spontaneous meets the excitement |
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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
Surely it depends on the person? Some are FWB material but some are more whilst most are neither.
I never found any I liked when I first moved to Suffolk so never bothered looking.
C |
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Think you answered your own question
The guys you want don’t stick around. Probably because the guys you want are high quality guys, so lots of women want them
What are you doing to keep them around? Considering they probably aren’t short of options |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South |
You need to keep in touch. If it’s one thing these sorts of sites have taught me is that men like to feel wanted too (who knew!)  . I don’t mean in a needy way, but more that you think they’re a rampant sex god and only their dick will do.
Send him “is your cock available for sucking tonight?” messages. He’ll be soon inviting you round for Netflix and chill.
If you want a fella you have to let them know. And if they’re not interested? Just move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yup us guys like to be wanted, we have fragile egos too, so make us feel like we are number one daily and you will have us following you round like a puppy dog! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I got a friend with benefits but I got the eye to look for new people to have fun with and the up side he's fine with it as he goes for the lady's to works out nicely. |
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By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago
Bognor Regis |
"Id love to find a fwb were we can just ring each other up and get rid of the urge,then go back to our normal way of life.I know it is never going to happen,but I can always dream cant I."
You see to me, that's a fb, not a fwb! This is the difference we've been discussing!!
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By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago
Bognor Regis |
"Think you answered your own question
The guys you want don’t stick around. Probably because the guys you want are high quality guys, so lots of women want them
What are you doing to keep them around? Considering they probably aren’t short of options "
Wow this comes across as pretty insulting imho.
Are you aiming this at the op? Who, by the way, looks like a quality woman herself, so should most definitely be looking for a high quality fwb!! And who says that 'high quality' men wouldn't want a regular fwb just because they have women buzzing around them like bees around a honey pot?? Surely men appreciate quality over quantity, even within a non-monogamous swinging lifestyle?? Everyone needs some connections in their life that doesn't 100% revolve around sex!
A woman shouldn't have to try to 'keep a man around'- that implies that she's punching above her weight! If there's a mutual attraction & have compatible personalities, any 2 people could easily become fwb's regardless of their perceived 'qualities'. |
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"Think you answered your own question
The guys you want don’t stick around. Probably because the guys you want are high quality guys, so lots of women want them
What are you doing to keep them around? Considering they probably aren’t short of options
Wow this comes across as pretty insulting imho.
Are you aiming this at the op? Who, by the way, looks like a quality woman herself, so should most definitely be looking for a high quality fwb!! And who says that 'high quality' men wouldn't want a regular fwb just because they have women buzzing around them like bees around a honey pot?? Surely men appreciate quality over quantity, even within a non-monogamous swinging lifestyle?? Everyone needs some connections in their life that doesn't 100% revolve around sex!
A woman shouldn't have to try to 'keep a man around'- that implies that she's punching above her weight! If there's a mutual attraction & have compatible personalities, any 2 people could easily become fwb's regardless of their perceived 'qualities'."
It’s insult to ask what your bringing to the table? Isn’t that what it’s all about, what you both bring to the table?
Isn’t that the problem? The men she wants don’t want to stick around. Maybe because she’s not bringing enough to the table to make them. This might be exacerbated by the fact that the higher quality a guy is, the more options he has available.
The fact that you thinking a woman needs to bring something to the table is insulting says a lot |
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Just to add onto that, op said
“Not needy, independent and have my own place, that should tick a lot of boxes”
Sorry but, that’s not a lot of boxes and it’s a little insulting to think that just being independent and having a house somehow entitles you to most people.
That’s bringing very little to the table when it comes to high quality partners |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just advice from you lovely ladies & gents , I’ve been single almost 5 years (sounds worse out loud!) I tried ‘normal’ dating waste of time, I enjoy a man’s company now & then so joined here in 2017, I’m finding it tricky as my preference is regular rather than ‘one offs’ but guys say they want regular then our paths don’t really seem to cross again or should I say the ones I want to be regular don’t , I’m not a needy person, independent, own home so think I would tick a lot of boxes where am I going wrong ? TIA x "
I do have a fwb… always good to have someone you connect with and don’t want a full time commitment… |
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"Just advice from you lovely ladies & gents , I’ve been single almost 5 years (sounds worse out loud!) I tried ‘normal’ dating waste of time, I enjoy a man’s company now & then so joined here in 2017, I’m finding it tricky as my preference is regular rather than ‘one offs’ but guys say they want regular then our paths don’t really seem to cross again or should I say the ones I want to be regular don’t , I’m not a needy person, independent, own home so think I would tick a lot of boxes where am I going wrong ? TIA x "
You're not doing anything wrong. You're the same as me, and I'm struggling to find a regular Fwb, too. You either never see them again, they're too far away to be truly regular or their idea of regular is once every couple of months. The search continues.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just to add onto that, op said
“Not needy, independent and have my own place, that should tick a lot of boxes”
Sorry but, that’s not a lot of boxes and it’s a little insulting to think that just being independent and having a house somehow entitles you to most people.
That’s bringing very little to the table when it comes to high quality partners "
That's why I only shag desperate men who can't get sex elsewhere. |
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"Just to add onto that, op said
“Not needy, independent and have my own place, that should tick a lot of boxes”
Sorry but, that’s not a lot of boxes and it’s a little insulting to think that just being independent and having a house somehow entitles you to most people.
That’s bringing very little to the table when it comes to high quality partners
That's why I only shag desperate men who can't get sex elsewhere. "
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"Just to add onto that, op said
“Not needy, independent and have my own place, that should tick a lot of boxes”
Sorry but, that’s not a lot of boxes and it’s a little insulting to think that just being independent and having a house somehow entitles you to most people.
That’s bringing very little to the table when it comes to high quality partners
That's why I only shag desperate men who can't get sex elsewhere. "
You must be very busy! There’s plenty of them around  |
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I think it’s one of those things you can’t look for, yes say it’s your preference, but it needs to happen naturally.
Until you’ve both met, you have no idea if the other is what you both want or indeed compatible and could turn into a friend. So hard to say I’ll be your FWB upfront, it takes time. |
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Did someone say fwb? 
Lol, I think that’s most mens dream. Had one for 3 years and last was 18months. Both found full time partners in the end which was cool with me as I don’t want anything serious. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just to add onto that, op said
“Not needy, independent and have my own place, that should tick a lot of boxes”
Sorry but, that’s not a lot of boxes and it’s a little insulting to think that just being independent and having a house somehow entitles you to most people.
That’s bringing very little to the table when it comes to high quality partners
That's why I only shag desperate men who can't get sex elsewhere.
You must be very busy! There’s plenty of them around "
I've got a queue here while I'm typing this post... |
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"Just advice from you lovely ladies & gents , I’ve been single almost 5 years (sounds worse out loud!) I tried ‘normal’ dating waste of time, I enjoy a man’s company now & then so joined here in 2017, I’m finding it tricky as my preference is regular rather than ‘one offs’ but guys say they want regular then our paths don’t really seem to cross again or should I say the ones I want to be regular don’t , I’m not a needy person, independent, own home so think I would tick a lot of boxes where am I going wrong ? TIA x "
I’m very much like you.. but been single 6 yrs.
It’s so bloody difficult… and gave up with normal dating sites as everyone on there are just wanting nsa stuff … so thought I may as well stick to this .. but still … get told one thing when in fact it’s totally different.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From looking at your pictures OP I would say the only thing wrong is your luck. There are guys out there who would happily oblige. Take your time, pick wisely and you'll get exactly what you want |
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"Well OP, having perused your gallery and read your biog (to reasech this answer ), I can only conclude it's because you don't want a man with a beard "
That’s where me and OP are different.. a beard is a must for me … that’s probably where I’m going wrong! Lol |
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"High quality partners? Wtf? 
I'm glad it's not just me that thought this!"
What’s odd about that?
Wouldn’t you agree that some partners are better than others, objectively to you?
Isn’t the saying “quality over quantity” ?
Didn’t you use that saying in your response?
Where’s the confusion? |
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By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago
Bognor Regis |
"Just to add onto that, op said
“Not needy, independent and have my own place, that should tick a lot of boxes”
Sorry but, that’s not a lot of boxes and it’s a little insulting to think that just being independent and having a house somehow entitles you to most people.
That’s bringing very little to the table when it comes to high quality partners "
So, you're basing her 'quality' on the few things she mentioned & assumed that's the full list? I think those just sound like the things you can quantify- personality, sex appeal etc are non quantifiable but that doesn't mean she's not bringing all of that 'to the table', as you put it. I still find the term 'quality' in this context to be offensive and also, extremelysubjective- I think that compatibility is a more reasonable expectation |
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By *o1-NeilMan
over a year ago
northampton |
I think a lot of people think having sex whenever the need arises is a fwb, it should be so much more. Talk frequently, show an interest in one another. The more time you spend together the better you understand each other and IMO a better experience
I’d like one but local isn’t easily found  |
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"I think a lot of people think having sex whenever the need arises is a fwb, it should be so much more. Talk frequently, show an interest in one another. The more time you spend together the better you understand each other and IMO a better experience
I’d like one but local isn’t easily found "
Yep, people get confused between fb and fwb.
Fwb every time for me. I enjoy hanging out / socialising just as much as sex and it doesn’t always have to be the latter |
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Speeking for myself op youre add looks good and ther is nothing wrong with it.
I would love to have a fwb relationship.i was lucky and had one for seven years.
Its the cherry ontop of the cake to see somone regular and be comfortable fully dressed dooing normal things and still feeling just as comfortable naked having great sex knowing each other intimatley.
It isent just a dreem keep looking i know i will |
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"Just to add onto that, op said
“Not needy, independent and have my own place, that should tick a lot of boxes”
Sorry but, that’s not a lot of boxes and it’s a little insulting to think that just being independent and having a house somehow entitles you to most people.
That’s bringing very little to the table when it comes to high quality partners
So, you're basing her 'quality' on the few things she mentioned & assumed that's the full list? I think those just sound like the things you can quantify- personality, sex appeal etc are non quantifiable but that doesn't mean she's not bringing all of that 'to the table', as you put it. I still find the term 'quality' in this context to be offensive and also, extremelysubjective- I think that compatibility is a more reasonable expectation "
It’s a fair point but I’m not going to assume she had traits she hasn’t mentioned
But the facts still fall the same way. The ones she want don’t stick around. The only thing you can do to fix that is either increase what you bring to the table or keep looking and hoping for the best
Or do both.
When people struggle on here and ask for advice what do we say? Improve your profile, take better pics, do a better job at messaging. All things that increase what your bringing to the table
I’m sorry if suggesting that someone might need to try to be successful offends you, but sadly it’s true for everyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just to add onto that, op said
“Not needy, independent and have my own place, that should tick a lot of boxes”
Sorry but, that’s not a lot of boxes and it’s a little insulting to think that just being independent and having a house somehow entitles you to most people.
That’s bringing very little to the table when it comes to high quality partners
So, you're basing her 'quality' on the few things she mentioned & assumed that's the full list? I think those just sound like the things you can quantify- personality, sex appeal etc are non quantifiable but that doesn't mean she's not bringing all of that 'to the table', as you put it. I still find the term 'quality' in this context to be offensive and also, extremelysubjective- I think that compatibility is a more reasonable expectation "
Why is the word quality offensive? I don't follow. |
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By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago
Bognor Regis |
"Just to add onto that, op said
“Not needy, independent and have my own place, that should tick a lot of boxes”
Sorry but, that’s not a lot of boxes and it’s a little insulting to think that just being independent and having a house somehow entitles you to most people.
That’s bringing very little to the table when it comes to high quality partners
So, you're basing her 'quality' on the few things she mentioned & assumed that's the full list? I think those just sound like the things you can quantify- personality, sex appeal etc are non quantifiable but that doesn't mean she's not bringing all of that 'to the table', as you put it. I still find the term 'quality' in this context to be offensive and also, extremelysubjective- I think that compatibility is a more reasonable expectation
Why is the word quality offensive? I don't follow. "
In the context it was used in the comment, I felt that the implication was that the op wasn't offering the same as what she required- that's the only reason I commented on it's use. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just to add onto that, op said
“Not needy, independent and have my own place, that should tick a lot of boxes”
Sorry but, that’s not a lot of boxes and it’s a little insulting to think that just being independent and having a house somehow entitles you to most people.
That’s bringing very little to the table when it comes to high quality partners
So, you're basing her 'quality' on the few things she mentioned & assumed that's the full list? I think those just sound like the things you can quantify- personality, sex appeal etc are non quantifiable but that doesn't mean she's not bringing all of that 'to the table', as you put it. I still find the term 'quality' in this context to be offensive and also, extremelysubjective- I think that compatibility is a more reasonable expectation
Why is the word quality offensive? I don't follow.
In the context it was used in the comment, I felt that the implication was that the op wasn't offering the same as what she required- that's the only reason I commented on it's use."
Oh right. I was a bit confused. Seems the language is key here? I get the impression that some of us have a more transactional view of this - Thicc, would you agree?
A friend here said the same thing about attracting "high quality" men and it still makes me wince. In those terms, how many of us see ourselves as "high quality"? |
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"Just to add onto that, op said
“Not needy, independent and have my own place, that should tick a lot of boxes”
Sorry but, that’s not a lot of boxes and it’s a little insulting to think that just being independent and having a house somehow entitles you to most people.
That’s bringing very little to the table when it comes to high quality partners
So, you're basing her 'quality' on the few things she mentioned & assumed that's the full list? I think those just sound like the things you can quantify- personality, sex appeal etc are non quantifiable but that doesn't mean she's not bringing all of that 'to the table', as you put it. I still find the term 'quality' in this context to be offensive and also, extremelysubjective- I think that compatibility is a more reasonable expectation
Why is the word quality offensive? I don't follow.
In the context it was used in the comment, I felt that the implication was that the op wasn't offering the same as what she required- that's the only reason I commented on it's use.
Oh right. I was a bit confused. Seems the language is key here? I get the impression that some of us have a more transactional view of this - Thicc, would you agree?
A friend here said the same thing about attracting "high quality" men and it still makes me wince. In those terms, how many of us see ourselves as "high quality"?"
I think that while value is very much dependant on what you find valuable, we can place some pretty accurate, broad ideas on what a high value person looks like
For example I think we can all agree that high value men might have some of these traits
Tall
Handsome
Confident
Funny
Successful socially + financially
That’s not to say if you don’t have those things you are automatically low value
And if do it doesn’t make you automatically high value either
And I think some people get offended at the idea they might not be a high value partner. It’s not a nice thing to hear. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just to add onto that, op said
“Not needy, independent and have my own place, that should tick a lot of boxes”
Sorry but, that’s not a lot of boxes and it’s a little insulting to think that just being independent and having a house somehow entitles you to most people.
That’s bringing very little to the table when it comes to high quality partners
So, you're basing her 'quality' on the few things she mentioned & assumed that's the full list? I think those just sound like the things you can quantify- personality, sex appeal etc are non quantifiable but that doesn't mean she's not bringing all of that 'to the table', as you put it. I still find the term 'quality' in this context to be offensive and also, extremelysubjective- I think that compatibility is a more reasonable expectation
Why is the word quality offensive? I don't follow.
In the context it was used in the comment, I felt that the implication was that the op wasn't offering the same as what she required- that's the only reason I commented on it's use.
Oh right. I was a bit confused. Seems the language is key here? I get the impression that some of us have a more transactional view of this - Thicc, would you agree?
A friend here said the same thing about attracting "high quality" men and it still makes me wince. In those terms, how many of us see ourselves as "high quality"?
I think that while value is very much dependant on what you find valuable, we can place some pretty accurate, broad ideas on what a high value person looks like
For example I think we can all agree that high value men might have some of these traits
Tall
Handsome
Confident
Funny
Successful socially + financially
That’s not to say if you don’t have those things you are automatically low value
And if do it doesn’t make you automatically high value either
And I think some people get offended at the idea they might not be a high value partner. It’s not a nice thing to hear."
I find "high quality" wince inducing because it's looking at relationships and sex in a transactional way which I am very uncomfortable with. It doesn't fit my approach or my views at all. Not to say that there might not be some truth in it and that's why it makes me uncomfortable. Personally your list of high value characteristics isn't mine (except for funny) but I imagine a lot of people would agree. If there's a list of similar high value ones for women - I wouldn't qualify as high value. That doesn't offend me but yes I think I would upset some people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just advice from you lovely ladies & gents , I’ve been single almost 5 years (sounds worse out loud!) I tried ‘normal’ dating waste of time, I enjoy a man’s company now & then so joined here in 2017, I’m finding it tricky as my preference is regular rather than ‘one offs’ but guys say they want regular then our paths don’t really seem to cross again or should I say the ones I want to be regular don’t , I’m not a needy person, independent, own home so think I would tick a lot of boxes where am I going wrong ? TIA x "
It could be distance. That's normally the case when I meet people here and we don't cross paths again.
I'm definitely looking more for a fwb than a one off. I get most of my one offs from one night stands, so I hope for something a bit more when I meet women here or on dating apps |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's difficult but it's definitely something quite a bit of us want including myself, I feel the element of actually building up a friendship and continuing to sustain that is an amazing part if it all |
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"I would like 2 or 3 to be honest!"
Having two or three is a great idea. It helps keep tings in perspective and you realise the different things each can offer which makes you understand that one person is unlikely to ever tick all the boxes.
However, I would recommend finding three who are free at different times from each other. |
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