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Sex drive in a relationship
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Have you previously been in a long-term relationship where the sex drive of your partner wasn't nearly matching yours? Did the sexual frustration affect your happiness, self esteem and love for your partner?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you previously been in a long-term relationship where the sex drive of your partner wasn't nearly matching yours? Did the sexual frustration affect your happiness, self esteem and love for your partner?
"
Had the the other way round we talked it through and now we're in here  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes and no.
Sexual frustration didn't alter my self esteem. The complete lack of everyday intimacy and the rejection of any I showed most certainly did. This was blamed on a reduced libido despite us having a relatively regular sex life. I think for most people the absense of sex is more noticeable but the damage is done by the rejection, not the lack of orgasms.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes and no.
Sexual frustration didn't alter my self esteem. The complete lack of everyday intimacy and the rejection of any I showed most certainly did. This was blamed on a reduced libido despite us having a relatively regular sex life. I think for most people the absense of sex is more noticeable but the damage is done by the rejection, not the lack of orgasms.
Mr"
I missed the last question - no, it didn't change the fact I loved her. However that didn't stop me knowing I had to get out before that love disappeared and became resentment.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Was in a 7 year realship with this my sex drive way higher than hers
And no it didn’t come bween us I didn’t care that mine was
I put that aside as I wanted to be with her
She did mean the world to me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been in a relationship where we weren't sexually compatible. I was left unsatisfied and towards the end, resentful and frustrated at his selfishness.
It definitely had a helping hand in the ending of our relationship. Did it affect self esteem? Quite probably yes, and perhaps still does |
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My ex wife had a super low sex drive. Was fine before we married a couple of times a week /fortnight. After marriage 3 to 5 months could easily go by.
She wouldn't go for counselling for it. Apparently knowing her drive was low absolved her of any need to resolve the issue. One point we didn't kiss or hold hands for six months.
Knocked my self esteem. I felt lonely. Was very unhappy.
At one point I started flirting and sexting online. Wasn't my finest hour but every time I tried to resolve it I got knocked back.
After we broke up apparently then was when she decided to resolve her issues. Went from barely having sex to being poly, being on fab and going to clubs all the time. Frustrated me as I would have loved to be in the lifestyle with her.
I now will not get into a relationship with someone with a very low libido. And while I'm fine if partners lose their drive now and then I expect them to at least try and resolve it if it starts getting long term.
Might sound selfish but I'm not going to be miserable again. Life is too short. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My ex wife had a super low sex drive. Was fine before we married a couple of times a week /fortnight. After marriage 3 to 5 months could easily go by.
She wouldn't go for counselling for it. Apparently knowing her drive was low absolved her of any need to resolve the issue. One point we didn't kiss or hold hands for six months.
Knocked my self esteem. I felt lonely. Was very unhappy.
At one point I started flirting and sexting online. Wasn't my finest hour but every time I tried to resolve it I got knocked back.
After we broke up apparently then was when she decided to resolve her issues. Went from barely having sex to being poly, being on fab and going to clubs all the time. Frustrated me as I would have loved to be in the lifestyle with her.
I now will not get into a relationship with someone with a very low libido. And while I'm fine if partners lose their drive now and then I expect them to at least try and resolve it if it starts getting long term.
Might sound selfish but I'm not going to be miserable again. Life is too short. "
There's a hint of familiarity to what you've said. Parts of it may answer questions I have been unable to shed light on.
Thank you for your honesty. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hell yes, I have next to no sex drive 95% of the time but Mr P is up there wanting it all the time. The only way around it was to let him play with others, he won't do it alone but he will with me watching and I just enjoy seeing him happy, I wish I could relax enough to get the same enjoyment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you previously been in a long-term relationship where the sex drive of your partner wasn't nearly matching yours? Did the sexual frustration affect your happiness, self esteem and love for your partner?
"
Yes. But the love for my partner diminished for a few reasons and the sex side was only part of it.
My confidence dived massively. I tried to talk about it with him countless times and was left feeling like I had an unhealthy drive. I asked for a compromise where between his want for sex we could do something other than penetrative sex to keep me from climbing the walls. But it never happened. We did sex therapy straight after I suffered and ectopic pregnancy and I'd had surgery. Wasn't the best timing at all and I had to ignore the fact the ectopic happened and be fully in the therapy. Which I did, but it didn't change anything. I ended up asking for an open relationship eventually but despite the fact he agreed to it, it didn't go well. And yes it did affect my happiness. I felt undesirable and unattractive which was a result of other issues too. Like he'd never take me out anywhere despite me begging and being hugely upset after months of asking. We split eventually. Mostly because I felt the relationship was all on his terms and there were no compromises on several issues. I couldn't be me in many ways and felt like I just existed.
Weirdly he'd not sit near me or kiss me at home but if we went out to town shopping or something he'd kiss me repeatedly while out. I never understood why at all. If I asked for something sexual at home he'd leave the room and tell me to tell him when I was done. Which of course was soul destroying.
I'm now in a relationship where my partner matches my drive completely and we communicate so much there are no issues sexually at all. And he knows by just one look or way I am what I'm after or thinking. It's liberating. I can even wake him up in the middle of the night of I wanted to. And he knows it works the same way for him. I don't regret splitting with my ex at all.
PW
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My sex drive was much lower than my partner's. We ended up with an open relationship as a compromise. It was open for her but not what I wanted. It wasn't by choice that I 'agreed' to it. It destroyed me and tore me to shreds. I became a shell of a man with no desire to live anymore, merely exist. Despite my trying to accept it, the lack of communication and intimacy between us doomed it all to failure regardless. The 'power' dynamic between us began to misalign, which led to bullying and abuse and so on.
All because of my sexual naivety and not speaking up about desires. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have you previously been in a long-term relationship where the sex drive of your partner wasn't nearly matching yours? Did the sexual frustration affect your happiness, self esteem and love for your partner?
Yes. But the love for my partner diminished for a few reasons and the sex side was only part of it.
My confidence dived massively. I tried to talk about it with him countless times and was left feeling like I had an unhealthy drive. I asked for a compromise where between his want for sex we could do something other than penetrative sex to keep me from climbing the walls. But it never happened. We did sex therapy straight after I suffered and ectopic pregnancy and I'd had surgery. Wasn't the best timing at all and I had to ignore the fact the ectopic happened and be fully in the therapy. Which I did, but it didn't change anything. I ended up asking for an open relationship eventually but despite the fact he agreed to it, it didn't go well. And yes it did affect my happiness. I felt undesirable and unattractive which was a result of other issues too. Like he'd never take me out anywhere despite me begging and being hugely upset after months of asking. We split eventually. Mostly because I felt the relationship was all on his terms and there were no compromises on several issues. I couldn't be me in many ways and felt like I just existed.
Weirdly he'd not sit near me or kiss me at home but if we went out to town shopping or something he'd kiss me repeatedly while out. I never understood why at all. If I asked for something sexual at home he'd leave the room and tell me to tell him when I was done. Which of course was soul destroying.
I'm now in a relationship where my partner matches my drive completely and we communicate so much there are no issues sexually at all. And he knows by just one look or way I am what I'm after or thinking. It's liberating. I can even wake him up in the middle of the night of I wanted to. And he knows it works the same way for him. I don't regret splitting with my ex at all.
PW
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So happy for your achievement and happy ending. I went through a similar experience for 7 years. Except that she never agreed for an open relationship nor did she agree for professional help. In the contrary she became abusive and trying to control my phone and every move to stop me from being in contact with any female in the world. Be it a colleague at work or a friend or even a cousin! Other departments of the partnership were just as toxic |
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Miss pc 