FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Let's pretend we all work in a fab office
Let's pretend we all work in a fab office
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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And it's the first day back after a two week break due to an office refurb.
Anyone who comments on the thread is automatically staff.
Write a brief 'email' to a 'colleague' on the thread that's work orientated but has a naughty kinky meaning.
PW |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Dear Ms PW,
I'm sorry to raise this on your first day back in the office, but you are invited to a disciplinary in my office at 2pm this afternoon. According to the HR handbook, you are entitled to bring a colleague to attend with you, and you may also choose a suitable instrument to be disciplined with.
Kind regards,
IS |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good afternoon Cheeky,
I noted that the photocopier is out of paper again, and also the paper recycling is full of pictures of your ass cheeks. As previously noted on your performance report, you should really refrain from recycling sensitive information in the bins and should use the shredder instead,
Regards,
DM |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good afternoon Cheeky,
I noted that the photocopier is out of paper again, and also the paper recycling is full of pictures of your ass cheeks. As previously noted on your performance report, you should really refrain from recycling sensitive information in the bins and should use the shredder instead,
Regards,
DM"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dear Sandra,
Please make your personal equipment available this afternoon, as we need to perform some specific penetration testing.
Best regards,
Information Security Team |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dear Colleagues
All the pencils stink of ass… and it’s kind of gross, so please refrain using your asses as a pencil sharpeners. Because they are not
Thank you!
Miss K |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dear Ms PW,
I'm sorry to raise this on your first day back in the office, but you are invited to a disciplinary in my office at 2pm this afternoon. According to the HR handbook, you are entitled to bring a colleague to attend with you, and you may also choose a suitable instrument to be disciplined with.
Kind regards,
IS "
Dear Sir
I can confirm my attendance for a disciplinary at 2pm. Please instruct me on any tasks that may be required before, during or after said disciplinary. I will give some thought to the option of a colleague but feel at this it is not necessary. I also feel the instrument used for the disciplinary would be best decided by yourself. I wait with great anticipation.
PW |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dear Ms PW,
I'm sorry to raise this on your first day back in the office, but you are invited to a disciplinary in my office at 2pm this afternoon. According to the HR handbook, you are entitled to bring a colleague to attend with you, and you may also choose a suitable instrument to be disciplined with.
Kind regards,
IS "
.
Dear Ms. PW,
I am available to attend your disciplinary as your support. In order to ensure the instruments meet standards required, I suggest you test them on me first. I will then be assured that your discipline is dispensed in a befitting manner as I observe quietly.
With kindest regards,
Sharedow |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dear Ms PW,
I'm sorry to raise this on your first day back in the office, but you are invited to a disciplinary in my office at 2pm this afternoon. According to the HR handbook, you are entitled to bring a colleague to attend with you, and you may also choose a suitable instrument to be disciplined with.
Kind regards,
IS
Dear Sir
I can confirm my attendance for a disciplinary at 2pm. Please instruct me on any tasks that may be required before, during or after said disciplinary. I will give some thought to the option of a colleague but feel at this it is not necessary. I also feel the instrument used for the disciplinary would be best decided by yourself. I wait with great anticipation.
PW "
Dear Ms PW,
Thank you for confirming your attendance. A third party is not necessary unless the disciplinary needs to be filmed.
Upon entering my office, I will require you to place your hands on the end of my desk, bending over, with your legs slightly more than hip width apart. Once the position has been assumed, I will begin the disciplinary, working up from bare hands.
This disciplinary will also serve as your performance assessment.
Kind regards,
IS |
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Dear Mr Mouse
You have yet again failed to come to work correctly garbed.
You are due in my office at 2 for knot tying lessons. I have a large supply of ties for you to practice with.
Please arrive on time before I get all tied up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dear fellow colleagues
Hope you’ve all recovered from our little “ get together “ I do have some items of clothing in the boot of my car if your missing any please see me Individually.
Welcome back |
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"ATTN ALL STAFF
The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.
Beryl (Accounts)"
Dear Beryl
Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.
Tom (logistics) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"ATTN ALL STAFF
The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.
Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.
Tom (logistics)"
ATTN TOM (LOGISTICS)
Please be advised that Accounts only have the budget for doors without locks. I hope these will meet everyone's needs.
Yours, Beryl (Accounts) |
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"ATTN ALL STAFF
The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.
Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.
Tom (logistics)
ATTN TOM (LOGISTICS)
Please be advised that Accounts only have the budget for doors without locks. I hope these will meet everyone's needs.
Yours, Beryl (Accounts)"
Dear Beryl
Locks not essential, as we'll be standing upright against the door. Full length would be better, as we don't want the cleaners peeking whilst we'll busy.
Yours, Tom (logistics) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"ATTN ALL STAFF
The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.
Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.
Tom (logistics)
ATTN TOM (LOGISTICS)
Please be advised that Accounts only have the budget for doors without locks. I hope these will meet everyone's needs.
Yours, Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
Locks not essential, as we'll be standing upright against the door. Full length would be better, as we don't want the cleaners peeking whilst we'll busy.
Yours, Tom (logistics)"
Dear TOM (LOGISTICS)
The cleaners aren't paid enough to not peek. I'm sure they will be discreet. You and your friend will just have make do, I'm afraid.
Yours, Beryl (Accounts) |
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Dear All
Can I remind all staff that the abbreviation required in emails is FAO. Not FAF as some of you seem to be incorrectly entering, Mr Johnson is getting quite upset with your spelling inability. |
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"ATTN ALL STAFF
The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.
Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.
Tom (logistics)
ATTN TOM (LOGISTICS)
Please be advised that Accounts only have the budget for doors without locks. I hope these will meet everyone's needs.
Yours, Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
Locks not essential, as we'll be standing upright against the door. Full length would be better, as we don't want the cleaners peeking whilst we'll busy.
Yours, Tom (logistics)
Dear TOM (LOGISTICS)
The cleaners aren't paid enough to not peek. I'm sure they will be discreet. You and your friend will just have make do, I'm afraid.
Yours, Beryl (Accounts) "
Dear Beryl
I noticed your sexy stocking today. I've had a secret crush on you for years. Please will you authorise the doors, and join me behind one?
Here's hoping, Tom (logistics) |
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"Whoever used the photocopier last, please make sure you take all the photographs of your bum away with you.
and wipe the brown streaks of the glass window, ta very much "
Those covid wipes and hand gels will come in useful (stores). |
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"Dear Sir,
Please let me know when you're ready for me to perform dictation
Kind regards,
Bella "
Bella
1715, my office and prepare to be late home. I will require you to bring your special equipment with you.
Boss |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"ATTN ALL STAFF
The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.
Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.
Tom (logistics)
ATTN TOM (LOGISTICS)
Please be advised that Accounts only have the budget for doors without locks. I hope these will meet everyone's needs.
Yours, Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
Locks not essential, as we'll be standing upright against the door. Full length would be better, as we don't want the cleaners peeking whilst we'll busy.
Yours, Tom (logistics)
Dear TOM (LOGISTICS)
The cleaners aren't paid enough to not peek. I'm sure they will be discreet. You and your friend will just have make do, I'm afraid.
Yours, Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
I noticed your sexy stocking today. I've had a secret crush on you for years. Please will you authorise the doors, and join me behind one?
Here's hoping, Tom (logistics)"
Dear Tom (Logistics)
Oh my . I have seen you upstanding more than once and admired your...posture. How very exciting!
Yours, Beryl (Accounts)
PS Shania (one of the Cleaners) will be thrilled! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"ATTN ALL STAFF
The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.
Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.
Tom (logistics)
ATTN TOM (LOGISTICS)
Please be advised that Accounts only have the budget for doors without locks. I hope these will meet everyone's needs.
Yours, Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
Locks not essential, as we'll be standing upright against the door. Full length would be better, as we don't want the cleaners peeking whilst we'll busy.
Yours, Tom (logistics)
Dear TOM (LOGISTICS)
The cleaners aren't paid enough to not peek. I'm sure they will be discreet. You and your friend will just have make do, I'm afraid.
Yours, Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
I noticed your sexy stocking today. I've had a secret crush on you for years. Please will you authorise the doors, and join me behind one?
Here's hoping, Tom (logistics)
Dear Tom (Logistics)
Oh my . I have seen you upstanding more than once and admired your...posture. How very exciting!
Yours, Beryl (Accounts)
PS Shania (one of the Cleaners) will be thrilled! "
Dear Tom and Beryl,
Please remember to leave room for others to join you in your cubicle.. if they so wish..
Cleansing Management |
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"ATTN ALL STAFF
The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.
Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.
Tom (logistics)
ATTN TOM (LOGISTICS)
Please be advised that Accounts only have the budget for doors without locks. I hope these will meet everyone's needs.
Yours, Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
Locks not essential, as we'll be standing upright against the door. Full length would be better, as we don't want the cleaners peeking whilst we'll busy.
Yours, Tom (logistics)
Dear TOM (LOGISTICS)
The cleaners aren't paid enough to not peek. I'm sure they will be discreet. You and your friend will just have make do, I'm afraid.
Yours, Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
I noticed your sexy stocking today. I've had a secret crush on you for years. Please will you authorise the doors, and join me behind one?
Here's hoping, Tom (logistics)
Dear Tom (Logistics)
Oh my . I have seen you upstanding more than once and admired your...posture. How very exciting!
Yours, Beryl (Accounts)
PS Shania (one of the Cleaners) will be thrilled! "
Dear Beryl
I'm in trap 2. Come now. Bring Shania if you wish. It'll be tight, but I think we'll manage.
Tom (logistics) |
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"ATTN ALL STAFF
The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.
Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.
Tom (logistics)
ATTN TOM (LOGISTICS)
Please be advised that Accounts only have the budget for doors without locks. I hope these will meet everyone's needs.
Yours, Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
Locks not essential, as we'll be standing upright against the door. Full length would be better, as we don't want the cleaners peeking whilst we'll busy.
Yours, Tom (logistics)
Dear TOM (LOGISTICS)
The cleaners aren't paid enough to not peek. I'm sure they will be discreet. You and your friend will just have make do, I'm afraid.
Yours, Beryl (Accounts)
Dear Beryl
I noticed your sexy stocking today. I've had a secret crush on you for years. Please will you authorise the doors, and join me behind one?
Here's hoping, Tom (logistics)
Dear Tom (Logistics)
Oh my . I have seen you upstanding more than once and admired your...posture. How very exciting!
Yours, Beryl (Accounts)
PS Shania (one of the Cleaners) will be thrilled!
Dear Tom and Beryl,
Please remember to leave room for others to join you in your cubicle.. if they so wish..
Cleansing Management "
To all cleansing staff
Tom and Beryl would like to invite you to an office orgy. Please don't bring the bleach in to the toilets, as it smarts my eyes.
Tom (logistics) |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Memo to all, left in kitchen.
"To the person(s) who left the 12 inch rubber dong please remember to take out the batteries before loading it in the dishhwasher, as it's left a nasty stain all over the crockery below." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To all maintenance team,
Could you please pop into the boardroom this afternoon, 4pm please.
I need to check you're polishing your tools correctly.
Cheers chaps
Bella
MD
ToolsRus |
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"To all maintenance team,
Could you please pop into the boardroom this afternoon, 4pm please.
I need to check you're polishing your tools correctly.
Cheers chaps
Bella
MD
ToolsRus"
Maintenance will be there with tools on display, Jimmy might struggle with the 6' one though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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FAO All staff
Accounts will be closed this afternoon for an internal event. Could Tom from Logistics and Shania and her bosomy friend from Cleaning please report to Accounts at 2pm.
Yours, Beryl |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dear team,
Welcome back. Unfortunately we are experiencing problems with the heating system and it is stuck on full blast. Please feel free to undress accordingly.
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"FAO All staff
Accounts will be closed this afternoon for an internal event. Could Tom from Logistics and Shania and her bosomy friend from Cleaning please report to Accounts at 2pm.
Yours, Beryl"
Dear Beryl and Shania
Please bring appropriate safety equipment for our meeting. High heels, stockings, revealing bras and pants ARE acceptable.
Tom (logistics) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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General notice
Please ensure appropriate safety equipment is used at all times.
For those unaware of where to acquire required rubberised/latex overcoats report to my office.
You go without this safety equipment at your own risk.
D. U. Rex
Health and safety officer. |
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By *avie65Man
over a year ago
In the west. |
Dear colleagues,
As you the company is experiencing some financial difficulties at present.
The SMT have decided to implement some cost saving measures. From 9am tomorrow morning we will cut of the water supply to the lavatories and ask that you use both sides of the toilet tissue.
Regards
The Health and Wellbeing team. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To all employees... A quick reminder that it is Julie's last day on Friday and we'll be having drinks later to say goodbye.. Lets make sure we all give her one to remember! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In accordance with company guidelines standard chairs in the office should only be used by one person at a time.
It has been noted that this has not always been the case with in our office.
If you require a chair with extra support to allow for dual simultaneous use please contact on site maintenance and/or acquisitions.
Human Resources |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To all colleagues:
It has been noted of late that there has been a spate of colleagues taking time off with Repetitive Strain Injuries, including wrist pains and finger cramp from rapid double mouse clicking.
If you find you are starting to become sore feel free to ask another colleague to assist you, and I am quite sure they’ll give you a hand.
The personal department |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Memo to all.
There is a Karcher window vac for those who seem to leave puddles under their chairs, when working overtime. Please get familiar with the vac's location, in the canteen and be a sweetie by emptying it out ASAP.
Love and kisses,
The Cleaners. |
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By *ickJMan
over a year ago
Hemel Hempstead |
DearMs PW,
As your union representative, I've been informed by HR thatyou have a disciplinary interview scheduled with them. In the interest of transparancy, it's recommended that I attend to ensure that any discipline is administered in a fair and just way.
In order to keep a record of the meeting, for quality and training purposes, I shall be videoing proceedings (in ultra HD).
I hope this meets with your approval.
NickJ
Union Rep. |
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