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Fab job agency. Applications and references encouraged.
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Welcome to the fab job agency.
What skills do you offer, which role could you fulfill.
Please apply below, be aware that references are also required.
Please provide references for applicants as appropriate.
Oh and above all remember that, THIS IS JUST FOR FUN.
Please be nice and respectful.   |
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I believe that I have experience in generating a significant amount of daft threads which have no baring on real fab issues.
I also have a level 5 qualification in flirting.
I’d like to apply for a fluffer type position. |
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"I make an excellent little spoon. And if you're overheating then snuggling into my permanently cold bum will cool you down and heat you up all at the same time
References? Ask my husband  "
Reference for D of Rickshawed.
She’s a genuinely sexy cold bottomed female who will be perfect in providing cycling proficiency training for employees.
I think all the cycling cools the derrière. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel I have several transferable skills that could be used for the opening post - I play bass guitar, so good with my fingers. I can talk codshite to strangers so feel I'm approachable and make people feel at ease.
References are available, but I can't divulge this information on an open thread, Mrs Clinton doesn't like that sort of thing  |
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I have very long fluttering eyelashes, and got a distinction in doing this.
She is working her way through this Sydney thingy everyone goes on about but totally bamboozed on what I should or shouldn't be doing.
Not much to see either.
Not much more as she isn't much good at things and could try harder.
PS. I will always have the kettle on and good at making cake/cheesecake/biscuits and cocktails.
 |
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"I feel I have several transferable skills that could be used for the opening post - I play bass guitar, so good with my fingers. I can talk codshite to strangers so feel I'm approachable and make people feel at ease.
References are available, but I can't divulge this information on an open thread, Mrs Clinton doesn't like that sort of thing "
You can talk codshite. You could be useful in the linguistic department. Although I suspect something fishy is going on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I feel I have several transferable skills that could be used for the opening post - I play bass guitar, so good with my fingers. I can talk codshite to strangers so feel I'm approachable and make people feel at ease.
References are available, but I can't divulge this information on an open thread, Mrs Clinton doesn't like that sort of thing
You can talk codshite. You could be useful in the linguistic department. Although I suspect something fishy is going on. "
So when do I start  |
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"I feel I have several transferable skills that could be used for the opening post - I play bass guitar, so good with my fingers. I can talk codshite to strangers so feel I'm approachable and make people feel at ease.
References are available, but I can't divulge this information on an open thread, Mrs Clinton doesn't like that sort of thing
You can talk codshite. You could be useful in the linguistic department. Although I suspect something fishy is going on.
So when do I start "
I thought you already had. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I feel I have several transferable skills that could be used for the opening post - I play bass guitar, so good with my fingers. I can talk codshite to strangers so feel I'm approachable and make people feel at ease.
References are available, but I can't divulge this information on an open thread, Mrs Clinton doesn't like that sort of thing
You can talk codshite. You could be useful in the linguistic department. Although I suspect something fishy is going on.
So when do I start
I thought you already had. "
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"I could collect everyone’s site supporter payments… I promise to give them to Fab!
I’m looking for a head of finance who will waive them. "
Waive them straight into my bank account? Sure! Quick send £50k Peter is hurt! |
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"I have very long fluttering eyelashes, and got a distinction in doing this.
She is working her way through this Sydney thingy everyone goes on about but totally bamboozed on what I should or shouldn't be doing.
Not much to see either.
Not much more as she isn't much good at things and could try harder.
PS. I will always have the kettle on and good at making cake/cheesecake/biscuits and cocktails.
"
I think you’ll make a great artistic director. You’ll also be great at getting things from the top shelf and from the bottom drawer. |
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"I have very long fluttering eyelashes, and got a distinction in doing this.
She is working her way through this Sydney thingy everyone goes on about but totally bamboozed on what I should or shouldn't be doing.
Not much to see either.
Not much more as she isn't much good at things and could try harder.
PS. I will always have the kettle on and good at making cake/cheesecake/biscuits and cocktails.
I think you’ll make a great artistic director. You’ll also be great at getting things from the top shelf and from the bottom drawer. "
Exceptional short skirt is currently being purchased. Can I claim that out of expenses? |
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I love walking which has built up a good stamina which has a wide range of applications, I will talk to any one about any thing for hours so there will never be any awkward silences.
But above all else I can cook up a mean bacon roll or full English |
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"Ah, Fiddles.
As an ex auditor I'm rather good with figures & rooting out non compliance with rules. I'm can also be quite stern, when needed.
What position do you think would best suit me? X"
I had an instant mental image which contradicts my mood killer credentials.
Bollocks  |
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"Ah, Fiddles.
As an ex auditor I'm rather good with figures & rooting out non compliance with rules. I'm can also be quite stern, when needed.
What position do you think would best suit me? X"
I like to run things in a democratic way but I think we need a chief whip to keep good order. |
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"I have very long fluttering eyelashes, and got a distinction in doing this.
She is working her way through this Sydney thingy everyone goes on about but totally bamboozed on what I should or shouldn't be doing.
Not much to see either.
Not much more as she isn't much good at things and could try harder.
PS. I will always have the kettle on and good at making cake/cheesecake/biscuits and cocktails.
I think you’ll make a great artistic director. You’ll also be great at getting things from the top shelf and from the bottom drawer.
Exceptional short skirt is currently being purchased. Can I claim that out of expenses? "
Standard issue uniform. |
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"Quick question, Is there scope for on the job training as my flirting skills are so rusty!
However I am a fantastic multi tasker and thrive in group situations- an all round team player! "
I think I’ll take a personal interest in your on the job training. I think we should start with some getting to know you icebreakers. |
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"Ah, Fiddles.
As an ex auditor I'm rather good with figures & rooting out non compliance with rules. I'm can also be quite stern, when needed.
What position do you think would best suit me? X
I had an instant mental image which contradicts my mood killer credentials.
Bollocks "
|
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"Ah, Fiddles.
As an ex auditor I'm rather good with figures & rooting out non compliance with rules. I'm can also be quite stern, when needed.
What position do you think would best suit me? X
I like to run things in a democratic way but I think we need a chief whip to keep good order. "
Whatever you say, Sir.
Now get back to work - I'm in charge! |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I can do any kind of dirty work , happy to work in wet conditions , long hours without breaks. Can do most types of manual tasks e.g smashing open back doors. Anything considered, but don’t really like cleaning up after others or making the tea  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I make an excellent little spoon. And if you're overheating then snuggling into my permanently cold bum will cool you down and heat you up all at the same time
References? Ask my husband "
You're sooo very much hired |
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"Is there a position vacant for a chatty, mouthy Aussie? Very welcoming and sociable. Loves to please. "
I think your skills will certainly get you an international work permit.
If not, your boobs will. |
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"I can do any kind of dirty work , happy to work in wet conditions , long hours without breaks. Can do most types of manual tasks e.g smashing open back doors. Anything considered, but don’t really like cleaning up after others or making the tea "
We are very much in need of a fireplace wrecker, do you have references. |
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"Can I be the pool boy? Lol I can walk around with my net fishing out leaves and used condoms floating around pools and hot tubs.. its a messy job but someone has to do it "
Luckily the pool, we look after our staff, is in the basement so me leaves, but the condoms are clogging the filters.
You’re hired. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is there a position vacant for a chatty, mouthy Aussie? Very welcoming and sociable. Loves to please.
I think your skills will certainly get you an international work permit.
If not, your boobs will. "
Happy to help |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is there a position vacant for a chatty, mouthy Aussie? Very welcoming and sociable. Loves to please.
Name your salary.
In chocolate?
Surely you are too sweet for chocolate! "
 ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is there a position vacant for a chatty, mouthy Aussie? Very welcoming and sociable. Loves to please.
Counterpart to the arsehole Aussie over here? Ying Yang  "
I can be an arsebiscuit? (Shhh don't tell the boss) |
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"Is there a position vacant for a chatty, mouthy Aussie? Very welcoming and sociable. Loves to please.
Counterpart to the arsehole Aussie over here? Ying Yang
I can be an arsebiscuit? (Shhh don't tell the boss)"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have the ability to be able to flirt with anyone and get them to sign any documents required without proof reading them first and my Spotify playlist has something for everyone on it..... |
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"I believe that I have experience in generating a significant amount of daft threads which have no baring on real fab issues.
I also have a level 5 qualification in flirting.
I’d like to apply for a fluffer type position. "
Proof of qualification required |
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"Is there a position vacant for a chatty, mouthy Aussie? Very welcoming and sociable. Loves to please.
Counterpart to the arsehole Aussie over here? Ying Yang "
We need somebody who can stick the teddy bears arseholes on the punched paper for in the ring binders. |
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By *avie65Man
over a year ago
In the west. |
"Is there a position vacant for a chatty, mouthy Aussie? Very welcoming and sociable. Loves to please.
Name your salary.
In chocolate?
Surely you are too sweet for chocolate!
?"
Chocolate ? |
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"I have the ability to be able to flirt with anyone and get them to sign any documents required without proof reading them first and my Spotify playlist has something for everyone on it..... "
Head of sales right there. |
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"I believe that I have experience in generating a significant amount of daft threads which have no baring on real fab issues.
I also have a level 5 qualification in flirting.
I’d like to apply for a fluffer type position.
Proof of qualification required "
Hello. You look like just the perfect people for me. I’d love to show you my portfolio to ensure that you’re happy with my particulars. |
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"I believe that I have experience in generating a significant amount of daft threads which have no baring on real fab issues.
I also have a level 5 qualification in flirting.
I’d like to apply for a fluffer type position.
Proof of qualification required "
I'll vouch for his flirting ability. It's hard just getting him to stop.
Any room for a queen of innuendo in your business? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have the ability to be able to flirt with anyone and get them to sign any documents required without proof reading them first and my Spotify playlist has something for everyone on it.....
Head of sales right there. "
What benefits package do you offer Fiddles? |
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"I have the ability to be able to flirt with anyone and get them to sign any documents required without proof reading them first and my Spotify playlist has something for everyone on it.....
Head of sales right there.
What benefits package do you offer Fiddles? "
It’s either free tea and coffee for your first two weeks or I can offer you a place in the boardroom. |
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"I believe that I have experience in generating a significant amount of daft threads which have no baring on real fab issues.
I also have a level 5 qualification in flirting.
I’d like to apply for a fluffer type position.
Proof of qualification required
I'll vouch for his flirting ability. It's hard just getting him to stop.
Any room for a queen of innuendo in your business? "
Whoa whoa whoa. Stop, heavens forbid.
Please innuendo away, however remember that not everybody takes it the right way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have the ability to be able to flirt with anyone and get them to sign any documents required without proof reading them first and my Spotify playlist has something for everyone on it.....
Head of sales right there.
What benefits package do you offer Fiddles?
It’s either free tea and coffee for your first two weeks or I can offer you a place in the boardroom. "
Boardroom please I don't need the caffeine for my usual charming ways |
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"I have the ability to be able to flirt with anyone and get them to sign any documents required without proof reading them first and my Spotify playlist has something for everyone on it.....
Head of sales right there.
What benefits package do you offer Fiddles?
It’s either free tea and coffee for your first two weeks or I can offer you a place in the boardroom.
Boardroom please I don't need the caffeine for my usual charming ways "
Perfect if you could just hop on the table will see how things spread out. |
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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago
Milton keynes |
"Can I be the pool boy? Lol I can walk around with my net fishing out leaves and used condoms floating around pools and hot tubs.. its a messy job but someone has to do it
Luckily the pool, we look after our staff, is in the basement so me leaves, but the condoms are clogging the filters.
You’re hired. "
Does the role include a good health plan too? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is there a position vacant for a chatty, mouthy Aussie? Very welcoming and sociable. Loves to please.
Name your salary.
In chocolate?
Surely you are too sweet for chocolate!
?
Chocolate ?"
Now you're talking but you will have to poach me - Fiddles is a very accommodating manager |
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"I make an excellent little spoon. And if you're overheating then snuggling into my permanently cold bum will cool you down and heat you up all at the same time
References? Ask my husband
You're sooo very much hired "
Yay. Is your name Alan Sugar by any chance? |
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By *avie65Man
over a year ago
In the west. |
"Is there a position vacant for a chatty, mouthy Aussie? Very welcoming and sociable. Loves to please.
Name your salary.
In chocolate?
Surely you are too sweet for chocolate!
?
Chocolate ?
Now you're talking but you will have to poach me - Fiddles is a very accommodating manager "
Did I mention the unlimited expense account, every hump day off and new Jimmi Choo every month whether you need them or not.
Doh, I forgot to mention I am the MD of a Belgian chocolatier? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is there a position vacant for a chatty, mouthy Aussie? Very welcoming and sociable. Loves to please.
Name your salary.
In chocolate?
Surely you are too sweet for chocolate!
?
Chocolate ?
Now you're talking but you will have to poach me - Fiddles is a very accommodating manager
Did I mention the unlimited expense account, every hump day off and new Jimmi Choo every month whether you need them or not.
Doh, I forgot to mention I am the MD of a Belgian chocolatier?"
Giant fibber! I know what you do for a living! |
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By *avie65Man
over a year ago
In the west. |
"Is there a position vacant for a chatty, mouthy Aussie? Very welcoming and sociable. Loves to please.
Name your salary.
In chocolate?
Surely you are too sweet for chocolate!
?
Chocolate ?
Now you're talking but you will have to poach me - Fiddles is a very accommodating manager
Did I mention the unlimited expense account, every hump day off and new Jimmi Choo every month whether you need them or not.
Doh, I forgot to mention I am the MD of a Belgian chocolatier?
Giant fibber! I know what you do for a living!"
Okay you got me, I'm the chief chocolate taster and the taste of it is always on my lips. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve just realised. I’m knocking off and I haven’t recruited a night manager.
Knocking off or knocking one out?"
Think he's been knocking one out all afternoon!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m relatively likeable but pretty much ignored. Do you have anything in middle management?
I’m not sure middle management should be likeable. How about you head up recruitment. "
Good point. Do you have to be competent in anyway to… actually I remember recruitment officer in my last job. No skill required! Woo hoo! I appear to be perfect for the roll! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Head door fluffer
Don’t have a gag reflex
Also can take a pounding like a pro
Impressive resume. "
Thanks so do I get the job or do I need to give the boss a test drive first |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am a jack of all trades, I can turn my hand to almost anything, so whats on offer? "
Hmmmm interesting. How many of those jobs can you master, and do you have any experience Jack? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have a position for a pa please apply within
WHAT!!! I thought that job was promised to me 
"
It is but I have to interview other candidates to be seen to be fair and impartial |
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"I have a position for a pa please apply within
WHAT!!! I thought that job was promised to me
It is but I have to interview other candidates to be seen to be fair and impartial "
Make sure you aske them all the same questions unless its for further clarification |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have a position for a pa please apply within
WHAT!!! I thought that job was promised to me
It is but I have to interview other candidates to be seen to be fair and impartial
Make sure you aske them all the same questions unless its for further clarification "
Good point |
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