FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Is it really just about the orgasm?
Is it really just about the orgasm?
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"Some of the best sex I’ve had has been when I didn’t cum Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great ending. But it doesn’t define the act, for me anyways " To tact onto this, funnily enough one of my biggest struggles with new female partners is getting them to understand and accept that for me, not having an orgasm isn’t a problem. It’s a long battle, so many women seem to be conditioned that if a man doesn’t orgasm it means a bunch of other things It was bad sex He isn’t attracted to me I did something wrong It’s a serious uphill battle to beat those ingrained ideas and I’ve yet to find a single woman that didn’t hold those ideas in some ways | |||
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"Is it really about the orgasm for most? " I hope not, given we ruin so many orgasms and people say they still have fun! | |||
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I think either party can not cum, and it’s ok, because it just doesn’t always happen.
It’s just as much about the foreplay, and the act itself isn’t it. | |||
"Is it really about the orgasm for most? I hope not, given we ruin so many orgasms and people say they still have fun!" I don’t think I get this though, can you expand on this…… | |||
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"If I want an orgasm I'll just have a wank. " Haha, I hear this  | |||
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"Is it really about the orgasm for most? I hope not, given we ruin so many orgasms and people say they still have fun! I don’t think I get this though, can you expand on this……" A ruined orgasm is when you stop erm... stimulating someone just as they/before they hit that orgasmic state, so they kind of end up having a damp squib of one rather than fireworks. One of the best experiences I've had of this involved using a fleshlight on a man and stopping at a certain point so he still ejaculated but didn't orgasm in the traditional big way.  | |||
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"Is it really about the orgasm for most? I hope not, given we ruin so many orgasms and people say they still have fun! I don’t think I get this though, can you expand on this…… A ruined orgasm is when you stop erm... stimulating someone just as they/before they hit that orgasmic state, so they kind of end up having a damp squib of one rather than fireworks. One of the best experiences I've had of this involved using a fleshlight on a man and stopping at a certain point so he still ejaculated but didn't orgasm in the traditional big way. "I know what it is, but I don’t understand the point of it, other than as a submissive experience? | |||
"Is it really about the orgasm for most? I hope not, given we ruin so many orgasms and people say they still have fun! I don’t think I get this though, can you expand on this…… A ruined orgasm is when you stop erm... stimulating someone just as they/before they hit that orgasmic state, so they kind of end up having a damp squib of one rather than fireworks. One of the best experiences I've had of this involved using a fleshlight on a man and stopping at a certain point so he still ejaculated but didn't orgasm in the traditional big way. "Cruel | |||
"No, I don't think an orgasm is the be all and end all of sex. I do love come though and generally for that to be produced (unless I'm going down the ruined orgasm route), there has to be an orgasm. I come relatively easily with the right partner but I don't expect them to with me. As long as I can tell they're genuinely enjoying it and in the moment, I'm happy. Sex is about the journey more than the destination (got to finish on a twee soundbite)." I was going to comment with a thoughtful and dazzling insight, but this has what I was going to write, just better. Thanks Meli. Q | |||
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"DC - Morning, Snap. Hippychick - love the new avatar BTW. Q" Morning Q | |||
"DC - Morning, Snap. Hippychick - love the new avatar BTW. Q" Thank you | |||
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"So much more to sex than an orgasm. The build up can be the most intense and erotic experience. We’ve had meets where I’ve not had an orgasm but it’s been pretty amazing joining in and getting everyone enjoying the experience. K" I’m happy to read so many people don’t put so much emphasis on it | |||
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"Reading the who cums first thread, it seems the orgasm is the main event for a lot of people. For me that’s missing out on a huge part of sex, I can have a mind blowing experience without having an orgasm, and having one is just the cherry on top. Is it really about the orgasm for most? " Actually I've given this a bit of thought. Maybe those on the thread were just answering the question? It was after all a thread about orgasms. Judging by the responses here, many don't think an orgasm is the be all and end all. It's easy to jump conclusions from just one discussion starting point as people's answers will be in line with that. | |||
"Reading the who cums first thread, it seems the orgasm is the main event for a lot of people. For me that’s missing out on a huge part of sex, I can have a mind blowing experience without having an orgasm, and having one is just the cherry on top. Is it really about the orgasm for most? Actually I've given this a bit of thought. Maybe those on the thread were just answering the question? It was after all a thread about orgasms. Judging by the responses here, many don't think an orgasm is the be all and end all. It's easy to jump conclusions from just one discussion starting point as people's answers will be in line with that. " Yes, I agree, and that kind of why I asked the question. | |||
" I was going to comment with a thoughtful and dazzling insight, but this has what I was going to write, just better. Thanks Meli. Q" Aww, thank you! That's a lovely acknowledgement of my post and has made me smile on a rather dreary day. | |||
"So much more to sex than an orgasm. The build up can be the most intense and erotic experience. We’ve had meets where I’ve not had an orgasm but it’s been pretty amazing joining in and getting everyone enjoying the experience. K I’m happy to read so many people don’t put so much emphasis on it "While I'm not pointing fingers at people that have posted here, statistically though at least one person that has commented will be bullshitting and the orgasm means more to them than they are letting on. I gain so much of my own pleasure by giving/causing it for another. The orgasm is the embodiment of that, theirs not mine. That's not to say if they don't it's all ruined especially since pleasure is shown in so many different and subtle ways, the subtle ones being some of the more erotic and sexy. Shit... Maybe I'm one of those that is bullshitting... | |||
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"Interesting how a lot of people are linking not cumming with orgasm denial or edging etc. Sometimes, some people simply cannot cum. It doesn't work, it's broken. It's nothing to do with teasing or denial but plain and simple defective goods. I still enjoy sex though "It’s quite common for women to find it hard to orgasm, or to not orgasm at all, and the pressure makes it worse doesn’t it. | |||
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"Interesting how a lot of people are linking not cumming with orgasm denial or edging etc. Sometimes, some people simply cannot cum. It doesn't work, it's broken. It's nothing to do with teasing or denial but plain and simple defective goods. I still enjoy sex though "A lot of people?...
You are right though, someone not being able to come doesn't have to be linked to orgasm denial/control. We tend to write from our experiences and possibly, unintentionally, exclude other possibilities. | |||
"For me sex is about pleasure, pleasure can be found in many things, a simple touch, kiss, spank can send my mind racing, whilst I adore a great orgasm and I enjoy seeing someone writhing in ecstasy it’s not everything. I’ve had many sexual experiences that have taken my mind to a place of deep sensual pleasure and that feeling of weightlessness, euphoria almost that takes over my body - I may not cum but the sensation has made me think wow! Connection and chemistry and that tingling feeling that courses through both as you get lost in the moment is just as good as an orgasm with the right person xx" Love this  . This is exactly it. | |||
"Interesting how a lot of people are linking not cumming with orgasm denial or edging etc. Sometimes, some people simply cannot cum. It doesn't work, it's broken. It's nothing to do with teasing or denial but plain and simple defective goods. I still enjoy sex though
It’s quite common for women to find it hard to orgasm, or to not orgasm at all, and the pressure makes it worse doesn’t it."Yes, it does. My issue is nerve damage so no amount of trickery will overcome it. Sometimes I can cum but often I can't. Too many people see this as some sort of challenge though
Mr KC understands, he knows how to pleasure me, he knows me cumming is not the be all and end all so I can be truly relaxed with him. | |||
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"Depends on my mood and who I’m with. Of course I like long sensual sex sessions where you tease each other for ages before getting down to it. And no, maybe the cum is not the priority, just the closeness. That has a time and a place though. But I also love it when men cum quickly. Even super quickly. That turns me on. Either before you even get to enjoy his cock fully or just from a quickie where he’s bent me over and slotted it in for 5 minutes whilst waiting for his poached eggs to cook. And I enjoy looking at a sticky deflated cum covered cock. I don’t, however, enjoy being pounded for ages. I’m not a butter churn. "
Hmmm does cum turn to butter if it's pounded  | |||
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"No it isn't but at the same time I don't enjoy feeling like someone doesn't care if I never do. So I guess I want things to be somewhere in between. " Yes this! The journey people not the ending people. | |||
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"Interesting how a lot of people are linking not cumming with orgasm denial or edging etc. Sometimes, some people simply cannot cum. It doesn't work, it's broken. It's nothing to do with teasing or denial but plain and simple defective goods. I still enjoy sex though "I mentioned it because I'd taken the discussion as being whether people choose to make sex about the orgasm or not (opposed to whether sex can be enjoyable for those that can't/don't). Contrary to what many are saying I know that for my wife she isn't satisfied if she doesn't have at least one. Personally one is quite enough but I also would feel the act was incomplete without an orgasm. That doesn't mean our sex is better than people who don't have them for whatever reason, I can only answer about my own experiences, but in direct answer to the original question I'd say orgasms are a very motivating factor for us (and to be honest I'd assumed that's what they're for but maybe that's another topic). | |||
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"No it isn't but at the same time I don't enjoy feeling like someone doesn't care if I never do. So I guess I want things to be somewhere in between. " This is also a very valid point | |||
lol
Think that's why most folks are just after the orgasm, I like playing a board game after sex haha | |||
"No it isn't but at the same time I don't enjoy feeling like someone doesn't care if I never do. So I guess I want things to be somewhere in between. " Its not so much about not caring if you do, more that both parties enjoy regardless. Personally I care, my intent is to make who I'm with orgasm. Does it happen everytime? No, of course not. But if it doesn't and so long as everything else was pleasurable, enjoyable, and satisfying then I won't let it affect me. | |||
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"If it was all about orgasm for me, then I'd be disappointed by most sexual activity. I struggle to cum at all, ever, even on my own. I get much more pleasure from the whole thing than the end thing "Exactly this. I enjoy the kissing, the touching, the whole lead up just as much. And the cuddles after. | |||
"After you cum, you comeback to your senses lol
Think that's why most folks are just after the orgasm, I like playing a board game after sex haha"
When they cum the horny goggles fall off.   | |||
"After you cum, you comeback to your senses lol
Think that's why most folks are just after the orgasm, I like playing a board game after sex haha
When they cum the horny goggles fall off. "Haha reminds me of the song 'back to life, back to reality'  | |||
"No it isn't but at the same time I don't enjoy feeling like someone doesn't care if I never do. So I guess I want things to be somewhere in between. Its not so much about not caring if you do, more that both parties enjoy regardless. Personally I care, my intent is to make who I'm with orgasm. Does it happen everytime? No, of course not. But if it doesn't and so long as everything else was pleasurable, enjoyable, and satisfying then I won't let it affect me. " I've had a relationship of a year where I did twice while we were having sex in the entire time and they were mostly my own doing but he regularly got to cum. I tried to talk to him about it but he wasn't interested in the things that would have helped me get there. That's the most extreme example and I was young and wouldn't put up with that now but I've had experiences since where a few months in I'm still in that boat despite attempts to improve the situation and I've genuinely called things off over it. It sounds dramatic but it feels so demeaning and for me feels like it's not a good sign for other aspects of the relationship going forward. | |||
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"Personally I care, my intent is to make who I'm with orgasm. Does it happen everytime? No, of course not. But if it doesn't and so long as everything else was pleasurable, enjoyable, and satisfying then I won't let it affect me. I've had a relationship of a year where I did twice while we were having sex in the entire time and they were mostly my own doing but he regularly got to cum. I tried to talk to him about it but he wasn't interested in the things that would have helped me get there. That's the most extreme example and I was young and wouldn't put up with that now but I've had experiences since where a few months in I'm still in that boat despite attempts to improve the situation and I've genuinely called things off over it. It sounds dramatic but it feels so demeaning and for me feels like it's not a good sign for other aspects of the relationship going forward. " Ohhhh! You actually mean they have no interest in it. I get you, yes. That's a big difference and I misunderstood. | |||
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"No it isn't but at the same time I don't enjoy feeling like someone doesn't care if I never do. So I guess I want things to be somewhere in between. " Yes - my last partner didn't make any attempt to help me orgasm and then he ghosted me. I've only just realised that! All too often I've said "it's hard for me to orgasm" and so...nothing. That's not good enough. | |||
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"Reading the who cums first thread, it seems the orgasm is the main event for a lot of people. For me that’s missing out on a huge part of sex, I can have a mind blowing experience without having an orgasm, and having one is just the cherry on top. Is it really about the orgasm for most? " I'm with ya on this | |||
"Personally I give priority to my partner’s orgasm and Consciously, while having sex I want my partner to orgasm. If it does not happen, it is ok. And if I do not orgasm, it is ok too. The most important is to have fun and a good time. " I get what you're saying but prioritising an orgasm is pressure to have one and that won't happen for many women. | |||
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"Whilst I agree it's not the most important thing about sex, it is definitely the perfect ending for a sexual experience...an orgasm is one of, if not the greatest natural pleasures the human body can experience. Everything else until that point is just as important...the kissing, touching, the body to body sensuality, feeling her all around me, her feeling me inside her...and prolonging this as much as possible until the moment of orgasm. If all the other ingredients are there except the orgasm, it just doesn't feel right for me. I had only one experience where I was in a relationship with a woman who could never orgasm during sex, but had no problem orgasm through masturbation, so that shows the problem is clearly ME, your body or mind is rejecting ME (for whatever reason). So is the orgasm the most important thing about sex? No! If it was, everyone would be just racing to the end" It is absolutely not you. At all. It's physiology, pure and simple. Why should anyone rely on someone else to achieve an orgasm? I've been single for 35 years and I charge of my own enjoyment, I don't expect any man to to anything other than occasionally do something nice I ask for to help me get there. It's all in my control. I daresay if I were in a relationship again then that would change due to familiarity. | |||
"See it's kind of a yes and no answer for me. I don't care if it doesn't happen each time. But I do get a massive thrill watching a man cum, and see how their body reacts and the noises they make. I would miss that if it never was to occur again to be honest. " I also agree with this, I love watching him cum, and I would miss it, even though it’s not the be all and end all. | |||
"Whilst I agree it's not the most important thing about sex, it is definitely the perfect ending for a sexual experience...an orgasm is one of, if not the greatest natural pleasures the human body can experience. Everything else until that point is just as important...the kissing, touching, the body to body sensuality, feeling her all around me, her feeling me inside her...and prolonging this as much as possible until the moment of orgasm. If all the other ingredients are there except the orgasm, it just doesn't feel right for me. I had only one experience where I was in a relationship with a woman who could never orgasm during sex, but had no problem orgasm through masturbation, so that shows the problem is clearly ME, your body or mind is rejecting ME (for whatever reason). So is the orgasm the most important thing about sex? No! If it was, everyone would be just racing to the end" The majority of women don't orgasm through penetrative sex. It's nothing to do with you not doing something right. I've never cum through penetrative sex alone in my entire life but could previously cum through masturbation, oral etc. It's harder nowadays to cum at all but if I do cum, it's never from penetrative sex, never from a dildo or vibrator and always from fingers or tongues. That's not because my male partner is doing something wrong but simply because of anatomy. | |||
"I wouldn't care if I never came again during intercouse really, it's all about the whole experience. Yes coming is great, but I'd far rather have 4 hours of debauchery with no end than five minutes and an explosion. I just love the whole thing from foreplay onwards, trying to make the woman have the best time possible, and if that doesn't end in me coming it really isn't an issue for me at all." So what about the person you’re with? Do you feel like she should? | |||
"I wouldn't care if I never came again during intercouse really, it's all about the whole experience. Yes coming is great, but I'd far rather have 4 hours of debauchery with no end than five minutes and an explosion. I just love the whole thing from foreplay onwards, trying to make the woman have the best time possible, and if that doesn't end in me coming it really isn't an issue for me at all." If you're talking about 4 hours of actual sex I'll be honest that I'd be bored long before that. Five minute sessions can be great. We still talk to each other and stuff after. | |||
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"Personally I give priority to my partner’s orgasm and Consciously, while having sex I want my partner to orgasm. If it does not happen, it is ok. And if I do not orgasm, it is ok too. The most important is to have fun and a good time. I get what you're saying but prioritising an orgasm is pressure to have one and that won't happen for many women." The pressure is more in my mind, while trying to give the other person the best of times. I am not expecting the other person to come to orgasm. Sometimes this does not happen and I accept this. I never ask whether the other person had an orgasm, I am happy to have good, mutual fun. | |||
"No it isn't but at the same time I don't enjoy feeling like someone doesn't care if I never do. So I guess I want things to be somewhere in between. Yes - my last partner didn't make any attempt to help me orgasm and then he ghosted me. I've only just realised that! All too often I've said "it's hard for me to orgasm" and so...nothing. That's not good enough. " Yes! I personally don't even find it that difficult which almost makes it feel worse. However I feel that someone saying they find it difficult should be taken to mean not to take it personally if they don't or ruin the experience by refusing to give up if its not happening even if the other person is bored or fed up. Too many take it to mean they can just not even try or worse, only concentrate on their own pleasure and forget about the other person's completely. | |||
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"No it isn't but at the same time I don't enjoy feeling like someone doesn't care if I never do. So I guess I want things to be somewhere in between. Yes - my last partner didn't make any attempt to help me orgasm and then he ghosted me. I've only just realised that! All too often I've said "it's hard for me to orgasm" and so...nothing. That's not good enough. Yes! I personally don't even find it that difficult which almost makes it feel worse. However I feel that someone saying they find it difficult should be taken to mean not to take it personally if they don't or ruin the experience by refusing to give up if its not happening even if the other person is bored or fed up. Too many take it to mean they can just not even try or worse, only concentrate on their own pleasure and forget about the other person's completely. " Yes sadly true and I let them get away with it. Not again! | |||
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"The point of a dance isn't to get to the last step. There is a bit of regret for me when I come, tbh. As in, "oh well, show's over"" But they do call it a climax | |||
"Hi op. I orgasm ridiculously easily and very frequently. Even when sex has been mediocre overall I’ve orgasmed. A great sexual experience has me cuming pretty much constantly - but for me the overall chemistry has to be great - hence I stopped doing instashags years ago. " Lucky bitch | |||
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"Reading the who cums first thread, it seems the orgasm is the main event for a lot of people. For me that’s missing out on a huge part of sex, I can have a mind blowing experience without having an orgasm, and having one is just the cherry on top. Is it really about the orgasm for most? " Spot on I get pleasure giving pleasure yeah cuming is like the cherry on the cake but not the be all and end all of sex | |||
"Whilst I agree it's not the most important thing about sex, it is definitely the perfect ending for a sexual experience...an orgasm is one of, if not the greatest natural pleasures the human body can experience. Everything else until that point is just as important...the kissing, touching, the body to body sensuality, feeling her all around me, her feeling me inside her...and prolonging this as much as possible until the moment of orgasm. If all the other ingredients are there except the orgasm, it just doesn't feel right for me. I had only one experience where I was in a relationship with a woman who could never orgasm during sex, but had no problem orgasm through masturbation, so that shows the problem is clearly ME, your body or mind is rejecting ME (for whatever reason). So is the orgasm the most important thing about sex? No! If it was, everyone would be just racing to the end The majority of women don't orgasm through penetrative sex. It's nothing to do with you not doing something right. I've never cum through penetrative sex alone in my entire life but could previously cum through masturbation, oral etc. It's harder nowadays to cum at all but if I do cum, it's never from penetrative sex, never from a dildo or vibrator and always from fingers or tongues. That's not because my male partner is doing something wrong but simply because of anatomy. " I never said it was only penetrative sex...either way, my point is that for me, sexual compatibility is just as important as mental and emotional compatibility. I understand that sometimes it's physiological and sometimes psychological, the reasons why someone cannot orgasm can be very complex...but if a woman had experienced orgasms before (through masturbtion or with someone else) but can't experience that with me...from my perspective we are simply not sexually compatible. | |||
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"Whilst I agree it's not the most important thing about sex, it is definitely the perfect ending for a sexual experience...an orgasm is one of, if not the greatest natural pleasures the human body can experience. Everything else until that point is just as important...the kissing, touching, the body to body sensuality, feeling her all around me, her feeling me inside her...and prolonging this as much as possible until the moment of orgasm. If all the other ingredients are there except the orgasm, it just doesn't feel right for me. I had only one experience where I was in a relationship with a woman who could never orgasm during sex, but had no problem orgasm through masturbation, so that shows the problem is clearly ME, your body or mind is rejecting ME (for whatever reason). So is the orgasm the most important thing about sex? No! If it was, everyone would be just racing to the end It is absolutely not you. At all. It's physiology, pure and simple. Why should anyone rely on someone else to achieve an orgasm? I've been single for 35 years and I charge of my own enjoyment, I don't expect any man to to anything other than occasionally do something nice I ask for to help me get there. It's all in my control. I daresay if I were in a relationship again then that would change due to familiarity. " Apologies but I don't believe that what I described and what you described are the same thing...maybe saying "I'm the problem " was a bit extreme, a better way of saying it would be ...we were not sexually compatible | |||
"For me sex is about pleasure, pleasure can be found in many things, a simple touch, kiss, spank can send my mind racing, whilst I adore a great orgasm and I enjoy seeing someone writhing in ecstasy it’s not everything. I’ve had many sexual experiences that have taken my mind to a place of deep sensual pleasure and that feeling of weightlessness, euphoria almost that takes over my body - I may not cum but the sensation has made me think wow! Connection and chemistry and that tingling feeling that courses through both as you get lost in the moment is just as good as an orgasm with the right person xx" Amen! | |||
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"All this talk about orgasm... I kind of want one now... "Can you make your random act of kindness doing a vid of said wank and popping it into public vids for me to enjoy? Yours hopefully, Luna (South Wales) | |||
"Hi op. I orgasm ridiculously easily and very frequently. Even when sex has been mediocre overall I’ve orgasmed. A great sexual experience has me cuming pretty much constantly - but for me the overall chemistry has to be great - hence I stopped doing instashags years ago. Lucky bitch "I was going to put a smart arse comment in reply to this but heads blank today | |||
"Whilst I agree it's not the most important thing about sex, it is definitely the perfect ending for a sexual experience...an orgasm is one of, if not the greatest natural pleasures the human body can experience. Everything else until that point is just as important...the kissing, touching, the body to body sensuality, feeling her all around me, her feeling me inside her...and prolonging this as much as possible until the moment of orgasm. If all the other ingredients are there except the orgasm, it just doesn't feel right for me. I had only one experience where I was in a relationship with a woman who could never orgasm during sex, but had no problem orgasm through masturbation, so that shows the problem is clearly ME, your body or mind is rejecting ME (for whatever reason). So is the orgasm the most important thing about sex? No! If it was, everyone would be just racing to the end It is absolutely not you. At all. It's physiology, pure and simple. Why should anyone rely on someone else to achieve an orgasm? I've been single for 35 years and I charge of my own enjoyment, I don't expect any man to to anything other than occasionally do something nice I ask for to help me get there. It's all in my control. I daresay if I were in a relationship again then that would change due to familiarity. Apologies but I don't believe that what I described and what you described are the same thing...maybe saying "I'm the problem " was a bit extreme, a better way of saying it would be ...we were not sexually compatible" Only sexually compatible people have orgasms? | |||
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"Is it really about the orgasm for most? I hope not, given we ruin so many orgasms and people say they still have fun! I don’t think I get this though, can you expand on this…… A ruined orgasm is when you stop erm... stimulating someone just as they/before they hit that orgasmic state, so they kind of end up having a damp squib of one rather than fireworks. One of the best experiences I've had of this involved using a fleshlight on a man and stopping at a certain point so he still ejaculated but didn't orgasm in the traditional big way.
I know what it is, but I don’t understand the point of it, other than as a submissive experience?"Well we don’t tend to meet many people that are not submissive, so our experience may differ to others, but orgasm denial and ruination can help with people appreciating that the big O doesn’t have to be the be all and end all of an encounter, and that to minimise it to just another thing helps them appreciate everything else we get upto. And yes, we also know what its like when your body doesn’t play nice. Both of us have issues when it comes to orgasms, which is part of the reason we do what we do. | |||
"Not at all. Which is why I love tantra so much x" Yes . The energy rising through you, it’s unlike anything else! | |||
"All this talk about orgasm... I kind of want one now... "Well don’t let us stop you | |||
"Is it really about the orgasm for most? I hope not, given we ruin so many orgasms and people say they still have fun! I don’t think I get this though, can you expand on this…… A ruined orgasm is when you stop erm... stimulating someone just as they/before they hit that orgasmic state, so they kind of end up having a damp squib of one rather than fireworks. One of the best experiences I've had of this involved using a fleshlight on a man and stopping at a certain point so he still ejaculated but didn't orgasm in the traditional big way.
I know what it is, but I don’t understand the point of it, other than as a submissive experience?
Well we don’t tend to meet many people that are not submissive, so our experience may differ to others, but orgasm denial and ruination can help with people appreciating that the big O doesn’t have to be the be all and end all of an encounter, and that to minimise it to just another thing helps them appreciate everything else we get upto.
And yes, we also know what its like when your body doesn’t play nice. Both of us have issues when it comes to orgasms, which is part of the reason we do what we do."So is that the point of it, a ruined orgasm, I don’t really understand it… | |||
"Well we don’t tend to meet many people that are not submissive, so our experience may differ to others, but orgasm denial and ruination can help with people appreciating that the big O doesn’t have to be the be all and end all of an encounter, and that to minimise it to just another thing helps them appreciate everything else we get upto. So is that the point of it, a ruined orgasm, I don’t really understand it…" From our perspective, we enjoy the control over their orgasms, they enjoy giving up control, and the ruination or denial takes what some people see as the grand finale, the stopping point, and makes it just another thing that happens. We stop when we have had enough, not because someone ejaculated or had an orgasm. Some times orgasms are involved, sometimes not. There are so many other ways to enjoy yourself, measuring success based on if they had an orgasm is limiting. | |||
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"For me sex is about pleasure, pleasure can be found in many things, a simple touch, kiss, spank can send my mind racing, whilst I adore a great orgasm and I enjoy seeing someone writhing in ecstasy it’s not everything. I’ve had many sexual experiences that have taken my mind to a place of deep sensual pleasure and that feeling of weightlessness, euphoria almost that takes over my body - I may not cum but the sensation has made me think wow! Connection and chemistry and that tingling feeling that courses through both as you get lost in the moment is just as good as an orgasm with the right person xx" Dancer, you've articulated my thoughts much better than I could! This has been a journey of discovery as I've got older, though. When I was younger I was much more orgasm focussed, for him and for me. Now we've discovered pleasure in all sorts of other things
Mrs TMN x | |||
"I wouldn't care if I never came again during intercouse really, it's all about the whole experience. Yes coming is great, but I'd far rather have 4 hours of debauchery with no end than five minutes and an explosion. I just love the whole thing from foreplay onwards, trying to make the woman have the best time possible, and if that doesn't end in me coming it really isn't an issue for me at all. So what about the person you’re with? Do you feel like she should?" It's always the goal, but not the be all and end all. I'd be hoping she came until she was begging me to stop!!! | |||
"From our perspective, we enjoy the control over their orgasms, they enjoy giving up control, and the ruination or denial takes what some people see as the grand finale, the stopping point, and makes it just another thing that happens. We stop when we have had enough, not because someone ejaculated or had an orgasm. Some times orgasms are involved, sometimes not. There are so many other ways to enjoy yourself, measuring success based on if they had an orgasm is limiting." We used to do a fair bit of orgasm play including ruined or denied orgasms but if anything I'd say the orgasm was even more of a focus when we were doing that, even if you didn't always get one. A game we still like to play is using a random timer. You have sex until the timer goes off but then have to stop and wait until it goes off again. The randomness can be equally motivating and frustrating but again that's still driven by the goal of orgasm. | |||
"Whilst I agree it's not the most important thing about sex, it is definitely the perfect ending for a sexual experience...an orgasm is one of, if not the greatest natural pleasures the human body can experience. Everything else until that point is just as important...the kissing, touching, the body to body sensuality, feeling her all around me, her feeling me inside her...and prolonging this as much as possible until the moment of orgasm. If all the other ingredients are there except the orgasm, it just doesn't feel right for me. I had only one experience where I was in a relationship with a woman who could never orgasm during sex, but had no problem orgasm through masturbation, so that shows the problem is clearly ME, your body or mind is rejecting ME (for whatever reason). So is the orgasm the most important thing about sex? No! If it was, everyone would be just racing to the end It is absolutely not you. At all. It's physiology, pure and simple. Why should anyone rely on someone else to achieve an orgasm? I've been single for 35 years and I charge of my own enjoyment, I don't expect any man to to anything other than occasionally do something nice I ask for to help me get there. It's all in my control. I daresay if I were in a relationship again then that would change due to familiarity. Apologies but I don't believe that what I described and what you described are the same thing...maybe saying "I'm the problem " was a bit extreme, a better way of saying it would be ...we were not sexually compatible Only sexually compatible people have orgasms? " Again, how are you relating one thing (my opinion/preference) to another (broad generalisation). I never said only sexual compatible people can have orgasms ( and honestly I don't know how you cane to that conclusion). Everything I stated above is bases on my opinion and preference. I am simply saying that I personally wouldn't feel sexually compatible with a woman that wouldn't be able to have an orgasm whilst having sex with me.For me the orgasm is just as important as every other part of sex....I simply wouldn't enjoy or feel comfortable during sex if a woman is not able to orgasm (and that's just me being honest) . How other people see/ perceive sexual compatibility is not my business | |||
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"As a woman who is often unable to orgasm for reasons of disability, I feel that I shouldn't bother to try and meet anyone for sexual reasons, to be honest. Mr KC understands me and my body and the broken bits. No other person can understand that without getting to know me pretty well, and encounters in clubs etc before the pandemic cemented that "insta-shag" type stuff is deeply unfulfilling for us both. Why is orgasm for the woman something that many men think is absolutely essential, even if they tell you beforehand that it's almost certainly not going to happen? It's not a judgment on the man's performance - nothing a sexual partner can do will fix my nerves "It's not just men that think that...if you look through the comments, there are plenty of women who feel the same..." that the sexual act without the orgasm just feels incomplete ". No one is saying it is the most important part of sex, but it is an essential part of sex, just like so many other factors are. And you might very well say it's not a judgement on the man's performance, but there are plenty of women who do judge (and some even shame) men based on their sexual performance, especially if the woman doesn't reach orgasm. | |||
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"Whilst I agree it's not the most important thing about sex, it is definitely the perfect ending for a sexual experience...an orgasm is one of, if not the greatest natural pleasures the human body can experience. Everything else until that point is just as important...the kissing, touching, the body to body sensuality, feeling her all around me, her feeling me inside her...and prolonging this as much as possible until the moment of orgasm. If all the other ingredients are there except the orgasm, it just doesn't feel right for me. I had only one experience where I was in a relationship with a woman who could never orgasm during sex, but had no problem orgasm through masturbation, so that shows the problem is clearly ME, your body or mind is rejecting ME (for whatever reason). So is the orgasm the most important thing about sex? No! If it was, everyone would be just racing to the end" Honestly, the problem is not you. Always more to it than that. | |||
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"As a woman who is often unable to orgasm for reasons of disability, I feel that I shouldn't bother to try and meet anyone for sexual reasons, to be honest. Mr KC understands me and my body and the broken bits. No other person can understand that without getting to know me pretty well, and encounters in clubs etc before the pandemic cemented that "insta-shag" type stuff is deeply unfulfilling for us both. Why is orgasm for the woman something that many men think is absolutely essential, even if they tell you beforehand that it's almost certainly not going to happen? It's not a judgment on the man's performance - nothing a sexual partner can do will fix my nerves
It's not just men that think that...if you look through the comments, there are plenty of women who feel the same..." that the sexual act without the orgasm just feels incomplete ". No one is saying it is the most important part of sex, but it is an essential part of sex, just like so many other factors are.
And you might very well say it's not a judgement on the man's performance, but there are plenty of women who do judge (and some even shame) men based on their sexual performance, especially if the woman doesn't reach orgasm. "But why do people continue to place so much emphasis on it, even when told by the person that they KNOW they can't orgasm easily or at all? Most women know their bodies, many, many women cannot cum from penetration, for example, so why would someone continue to "push" for them to cum? I just don't get it. Some women MIGHT judge, but if you were presented with a woman who knows she struggles to cum, who isn't so fixated on the "end goal", you still seemed to suggest you wouldn't be interested in that sort of person? It just seems a very arbitrary way to judge things to me. Anyway, the whole "orgasm above everything else" attitude has put me off having sex other than with Mr KC or my FWB, to be honest. Unless we were able to build more of a relationship with another person, it's impossible to convey what is/isn't normal for me/us. | |||
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"No x" Short, direct, to the point To be honest just before it gets to that point I start thinking of the left over pizza anyway | |||
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"I don't really care about whether I have an orgasm or not (and neither do I care about whether we do penetrative sex or not). I just like to kiss hot girls "I just orgasmed | |||
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"Also for me, I feel there’s a lot of pressure for guys to perform and make a woman orgasm (maybe because of poor expectations from porn) so I always like to chat with a partner and let them know that sometimes it’s ok that I don’t cum or they don’t cum because I’m just happy being in their naked company exploring each other "This, though in my experience it also happens with women. I think people worry that they are doing something wrong, and honestly, I don't even know how to do it right on me myself, so I try to be reassuring. What you said really clicked with me because for me too it's mostly about exploring one another and being playful and a hot mess | |||
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"As a woman who is often unable to orgasm for reasons of disability, I feel that I shouldn't bother to try and meet anyone for sexual reasons, to be honest. Mr KC understands me and my body and the broken bits. No other person can understand that without getting to know me pretty well, and encounters in clubs etc before the pandemic cemented that "insta-shag" type stuff is deeply unfulfilling for us both. Why is orgasm for the woman something that many men think is absolutely essential, even if they tell you beforehand that it's almost certainly not going to happen? It's not a judgment on the man's performance - nothing a sexual partner can do will fix my nerves
It's not just men that think that...if you look through the comments, there are plenty of women who feel the same..." that the sexual act without the orgasm just feels incomplete ". No one is saying it is the most important part of sex, but it is an essential part of sex, just like so many other factors are.
And you might very well say it's not a judgement on the man's performance, but there are plenty of women who do judge (and some even shame) men based on their sexual performance, especially if the woman doesn't reach orgasm.
But why do people continue to place so much emphasis on it, even when told by the person that they KNOW they can't orgasm easily or at all? Most women know their bodies, many, many women cannot cum from penetration, for example, so why would someone continue to "push" for them to cum? I just don't get it.
Some women MIGHT judge, but if you were presented with a woman who knows she struggles to cum, who isn't so fixated on the "end goal", you still seemed to suggest you wouldn't be interested in that sort of person? It just seems a very arbitrary way to judge things to me.
Anyway, the whole "orgasm above everything else" attitude has put me off having sex other than with Mr KC or my FWB, to be honest. Unless we were able to build more of a relationship with another person, it's impossible to convey what is/isn't normal for me/us. "Well yes, I probably wouldn't be interested in that person...my honesty shouldn't make you or anyone else feel bad. For me compatibility is important in any shape or form...mentally, emotionally, personality wise or sexually, and yes I would probably think we are not sexually compatible and would remove myself from the equation. Similar to going on a date with a woman who tells me she believes the earth is flat, or some other strange things...I would most likely think we are mentally not compatible and wouldn't go on a second date...that doesn't make her a bad person, she just wouldn't be for me. | |||
Honestly, it's things like this that can make people with physical differences or disabilities feel like freaks
I'm out | |||
"Loving the comparison of can't orgasm for physical injury reasons and flat earthers
Honestly, it's things like this that can make people with physical differences or disabilities feel like freaks
I'm out "That's not what he did, and you know it. He compared a date with somebody he is not mentally compatible with, to a sex only meet with somebody he is not sexually compatible with. Don't just hone in on a single part of what he said that is taken woefully out of context | |||
"Loving the comparison of can't orgasm for physical injury reasons and flat earthers
Honestly, it's things like this that can make people with physical differences or disabilities feel like freaks
I'm out
That's not what he did, and you know it.
He compared a date with somebody he is not mentally compatible with, to a sex only meet with somebody he is not sexually compatible with. Don't just hone in on a single part of what he said that is taken woefully out of context "Thank you for telling me how I feel. Much appreciated | |||
"As a woman who is often unable to orgasm for reasons of disability, I feel that I shouldn't bother to try and meet anyone for sexual reasons, to be honest. Mr KC understands me and my body and the broken bits. No other person can understand that without getting to know me pretty well, and encounters in clubs etc before the pandemic cemented that "insta-shag" type stuff is deeply unfulfilling for us both. Why is orgasm for the woman something that many men think is absolutely essential, even if they tell you beforehand that it's almost certainly not going to happen? It's not a judgment on the man's performance - nothing a sexual partner can do will fix my nerves
It's not just men that think that...if you look through the comments, there are plenty of women who feel the same..." that the sexual act without the orgasm just feels incomplete ". No one is saying it is the most important part of sex, but it is an essential part of sex, just like so many other factors are.
And you might very well say it's not a judgement on the man's performance, but there are plenty of women who do judge (and some even shame) men based on their sexual performance, especially if the woman doesn't reach orgasm.
But why do people continue to place so much emphasis on it, even when told by the person that they KNOW they can't orgasm easily or at all? Most women know their bodies, many, many women cannot cum from penetration, for example, so why would someone continue to "push" for them to cum? I just don't get it.
Some women MIGHT judge, but if you were presented with a woman who knows she struggles to cum, who isn't so fixated on the "end goal", you still seemed to suggest you wouldn't be interested in that sort of person? It just seems a very arbitrary way to judge things to me.
Anyway, the whole "orgasm above everything else" attitude has put me off having sex other than with Mr KC or my FWB, to be honest. Unless we were able to build more of a relationship with another person, it's impossible to convey what is/isn't normal for me/us.
Well yes, I probably wouldn't be interested in that person...my honesty shouldn't make you or anyone else feel bad. For me compatibility is important in any shape or form...mentally, emotionally, personality wise or sexually, and yes I would probably think we are not sexually compatible and would remove myself from the equation. Similar to going on a date with a woman who tells me she believes the earth is flat, or some other strange things...I would most likely think we are mentally not compatible and wouldn't go on a second date...that doesn't make her a bad person, she just wouldn't be for me. " There's got to be mutual attraction and compatibility for me to want to meet someone.
If we aren't compatible that doesn't make either of us a bad person. Simply just not compatible. | |||
"Loving the comparison of can't orgasm for physical injury reasons and flat earthers
Honestly, it's things like this that can make people with physical differences or disabilities feel like freaks
I'm out "How can you say that though? Honestly how can you accuse me of that? I didn't compare the two, I gave you two different scenarios with two different people I simply might not feel compatible with. What you just did makes me feel horrible... I'm out of the forums | |||
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"Loving the comparison of can't orgasm for physical injury reasons and flat earthers
Honestly, it's things like this that can make people with physical differences or disabilities feel like freaks
I'm out
That's not what he did, and you know it.
He compared a date with somebody he is not mentally compatible with, to a sex only meet with somebody he is not sexually compatible with. Don't just hone in on a single part of what he said that is taken woefully out of context "Agreed he was just showing two different examples, he wasn't being personal. Definitely out of context. | |||
"Reading the who cums first thread, it seems the orgasm is the main event for a lot of people. For me that’s missing out on a huge part of sex, I can have a mind blowing experience without having an orgasm, and having one is just the cherry on top. Is it really about the orgasm for most? " I was on medication for a while that cut my ability to orgasm to about 10% of what it was. Massively frustrating at first and quite soul destroying at times. Once I got over that I realised that the intimacy was the main thing for me - the closeness of being with someone in an intimate space. That kind of reset my perspective a bit. Things have since returned to normal, and don’t get me wrong, when the horn gets me, it gets me good, but orgasms are, as you say, the cherry on top. | |||
