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Cross the line
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 . It’s not very professional but then again people meet in all walks of life. I really don’t know.
Hope that helps  | |||
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"I can’t make my mind up . It’s not very professional but then again people meet in all walks of life. I really don’t know.
Hope that helps "Haha to be fair, I always find it more complicated when I meet someone organically like that (or like the young cafe guy from last month ) , because somewhere down the line, I’ll have to tell him the shocking news ….. and that gives me anxiety
But anyway.
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"I can’t make my mind up . It’s not very professional but then again people meet in all walks of life. I really don’t know.
Hope that helps
Haha to be fair, I always find it more complicated when I meet someone organically like that (or like the young cafe guy from last month ) , because somewhere down the line, I’ll have to tell him the shocking news ….. and that gives me anxiety
But anyway.
"Ah of course. That must be difficult if you get negative reactions xx | |||
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"Were they from a company, or do you know them as friends originally? If they had your number through work then it's wrong. That number is solely for work related correspondence and should never be used outside of that." This  | |||
"I don’t think he crossed a line he shot his shot If you don’t ask you don’t know good for him though have the “balls” to shoot it " I mean I give him kudos for that! Also I definitely did appreciate the compliment, the thing tho, I wonder if I’d have taken it differently from someone older that I thought was smarmy and Lechy. Not sure! I’d never get anyone in trouble over a text tho, unless it becomes persistent if I said no. | |||
"I’d be much more subtle and see if she’s interested before texting stuff like that to a number I got for business etc it’s a bit too full on and unprofessional." To be fair, I knew he was into me when he started lingering too much and trying to strike convos, and the eye contact
But anyway | |||
"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please "Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch? To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it. Mr | |||
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"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch?
To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it.
Mr"The number he got through the job , but as I said, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble for it. It made me smile and I didn’t take it wrongly. if I get abducted, please call the police | |||
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"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch?
To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it.
Mr
The number he got through the job , but as I said, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble for it. It made me smile and I didn’t take it wrongly.
if I get abducted, please call the police "The right thing to do is report him to the company He’s breached the data protection laws to obtain your number for personal use And just because you don’t mind it, doesn’t mean he’s not doing it to others, or might do it in the future, to someone that does mind it. Your potentially letting him get away with it now so he can potentially harass someone else later | |||
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"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch?
To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it.
Mr
The number he got through the job , but as I said, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble for it. It made me smile and I didn’t take it wrongly.
if I get abducted, please call the police
The right thing to do is report him to the company
He’s breached the data protection laws to obtain your number for personal use
And just because you don’t mind it, doesn’t mean he’s not doing it to others, or might do it in the future, to someone that does mind it. Your potentially letting him get away with it now so he can potentially harass someone else later "It’s hardly harassing. If he carried on then yeah but is it really worth someone losing their job over one non-offensive message?! | |||
"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? " I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho | |||
"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch?
To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it.
Mr
The number he got through the job , but as I said, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble for it. It made me smile and I didn’t take it wrongly.
if I get abducted, please call the police "That's your call entirely. When you give your personal data to a company they (and their representatives) are only allowed to use it for the purposes for which it was given so technically he's breaking the law. I wouldn't personally report either in that situation though I can't imagine responding with anything more than a thank you and blocking the number - unless I had been flirting and making it obvious that I wanted to be contacted. Mr | |||
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"It's not a joke. Women need to know that they can give their number to trades who are going to be in their home with absolute certainty that that it won't be used for any reason other than work. It's not ok, ever to use it for any other reason. Of course men need the same assurance. " | |||
"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch?
To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it.
Mr
The number he got through the job , but as I said, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble for it. It made me smile and I didn’t take it wrongly.
if I get abducted, please call the police
That's your call entirely. When you give your personal data to a company they (and their representatives) are only allowed to use it for the purposes for which it was given so technically he's breaking the law. I wouldn't personally report either in that situation though I can't imagine responding with anything more than a thank you and blocking the number - unless I had been flirting and making it obvious that I wanted to be contacted.
Mr"Yes he and the company could get a fine for breaking gdpr. If if wanted to shoot his shot, he should have done it there and then. Or kept work work. If you didn't like this guy, if he was 'an old letch', you'd be outraged. | |||
"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch?
To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it.
Mr
The number he got through the job , but as I said, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble for it. It made me smile and I didn’t take it wrongly.
if I get abducted, please call the police
The right thing to do is report him to the company
He’s breached the data protection laws to obtain your number for personal use
And just because you don’t mind it, doesn’t mean he’s not doing it to others, or might do it in the future, to someone that does mind it. Your potentially letting him get away with it now so he can potentially harass someone else later
It’s hardly harassing. If he carried on then yeah but is it really worth someone losing their job over one non-offensive message?! "It’s against the law. That’s why As I said, just because he’s fit and she’s ok with it, it shouldn’t be a problem? But if he was a fat older guy that did this to an anxious single mum who felt scared we would all be cheering her on to report him It’s the pretty privilege in action He’s fit so he’s allowed to do what others would be labelled a predator for doing | |||
"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch?
To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it.
Mr
The number he got through the job , but as I said, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble for it. It made me smile and I didn’t take it wrongly.
if I get abducted, please call the police
The right thing to do is report him to the company
He’s breached the data protection laws to obtain your number for personal use
And just because you don’t mind it, doesn’t mean he’s not doing it to others, or might do it in the future, to someone that does mind it. Your potentially letting him get away with it now so he can potentially harass someone else later
It’s hardly harassing. If he carried on then yeah but is it really worth someone losing their job over one non-offensive message?! "He did say, if I didn’t like him then to just ignore the message and to have a lovely rest of the day. I think he literally took a shot, also, it was a nice compliment . I got this said to me by someone close to me: “The reason you’re not annoyed is cause he took you for a cis woman” I SPAT MY COFFEE | |||
"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch?
To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it.
Mr
The number he got through the job , but as I said, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble for it. It made me smile and I didn’t take it wrongly.
if I get abducted, please call the police
The right thing to do is report him to the company
He’s breached the data protection laws to obtain your number for personal use
And just because you don’t mind it, doesn’t mean he’s not doing it to others, or might do it in the future, to someone that does mind it. Your potentially letting him get away with it now so he can potentially harass someone else later
It’s hardly harassing. If he carried on then yeah but is it really worth someone losing their job over one non-offensive message?!
It’s against the law. That’s why
As I said, just because he’s fit and she’s ok with it, it shouldn’t be a problem?
But if he was a fat older guy that did this to an anxious single mum who felt scared we would all be cheering her on to report him
It’s the pretty privilege in action
He’s fit so he’s allowed to do what others would be labelled a predator for doing "Yep. | |||
I didn’t use him for any other jobs after that. | |||
"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch?
To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it.
Mr
The number he got through the job , but as I said, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble for it. It made me smile and I didn’t take it wrongly.
if I get abducted, please call the police
The right thing to do is report him to the company
He’s breached the data protection laws to obtain your number for personal use
And just because you don’t mind it, doesn’t mean he’s not doing it to others, or might do it in the future, to someone that does mind it. Your potentially letting him get away with it now so he can potentially harass someone else later
It’s hardly harassing. If he carried on then yeah but is it really worth someone losing their job over one non-offensive message?!
It’s against the law. That’s why
As I said, just because he’s fit and she’s ok with it, it shouldn’t be a problem?
But if he was a fat older guy that did this to an anxious single mum who felt scared we would all be cheering her on to report him
It’s the pretty privilege in action
He’s fit so he’s allowed to do what others would be labelled a predator for doing "Well I wouldn’t be the reason someone lost their job over something like that. No matter what they looked like. If it turned into harassment then it’s different. | |||
"What's happening more and more often? " Stuff like what happened to me, tradesmen sliding into a girl’s DMs | |||
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"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch?
To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it.
Mr
The number he got through the job , but as I said, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble for it. It made me smile and I didn’t take it wrongly.
if I get abducted, please call the police
The right thing to do is report him to the company
He’s breached the data protection laws to obtain your number for personal use
And just because you don’t mind it, doesn’t mean he’s not doing it to others, or might do it in the future, to someone that does mind it. Your potentially letting him get away with it now so he can potentially harass someone else later
It’s hardly harassing. If he carried on then yeah but is it really worth someone losing their job over one non-offensive message?!
It’s against the law. That’s why
As I said, just because he’s fit and she’s ok with it, it shouldn’t be a problem?
But if he was a fat older guy that did this to an anxious single mum who felt scared we would all be cheering her on to report him
It’s the pretty privilege in action
He’s fit so he’s allowed to do what others would be labelled a predator for doing
Well I wouldn’t be the reason someone lost their job over something like that. No matter what they looked like. If it turned into harassment then it’s different. "I totally stand with you Nora, I don’t know, I’m a nice girl. And he might have stepped the line, but he wasn’t rude, he just paid a compliment and thought maybe he could have a chance . If someone carries on, when saying please don’t. Then it’s only fair to report them. Definitely wouldn’t want him to lose his job over it. Plus he’s done an amazing job for me so . | |||
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"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch?
To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it.
Mr
The number he got through the job , but as I said, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble for it. It made me smile and I didn’t take it wrongly.
if I get abducted, please call the police
The right thing to do is report him to the company
He’s breached the data protection laws to obtain your number for personal use
And just because you don’t mind it, doesn’t mean he’s not doing it to others, or might do it in the future, to someone that does mind it. Your potentially letting him get away with it now so he can potentially harass someone else later
It’s hardly harassing. If he carried on then yeah but is it really worth someone losing their job over one non-offensive message?!
It’s against the law. That’s why
As I said, just because he’s fit and she’s ok with it, it shouldn’t be a problem?
But if he was a fat older guy that did this to an anxious single mum who felt scared we would all be cheering her on to report him
It’s the pretty privilege in action
He’s fit so he’s allowed to do what others would be labelled a predator for doing
Well I wouldn’t be the reason someone lost their job over something like that. No matter what they looked like. If it turned into harassment then it’s different. "Very Nobel of you, I’m sure the next person he does it to, maybe some anxious single mum that’s scared shitless because he knows her address and the layout of her house and her name and number, I’m sure she’ll be very proud of you for letting someone that broke the law keep their job because it didn’t both you too much | |||
"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho" This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr | |||
"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch?
To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it.
Mr
The number he got through the job , but as I said, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble for it. It made me smile and I didn’t take it wrongly.
if I get abducted, please call the police
The right thing to do is report him to the company
He’s breached the data protection laws to obtain your number for personal use
And just because you don’t mind it, doesn’t mean he’s not doing it to others, or might do it in the future, to someone that does mind it. Your potentially letting him get away with it now so he can potentially harass someone else later
It’s hardly harassing. If he carried on then yeah but is it really worth someone losing their job over one non-offensive message?!
It’s against the law. That’s why
As I said, just because he’s fit and she’s ok with it, it shouldn’t be a problem?
But if he was a fat older guy that did this to an anxious single mum who felt scared we would all be cheering her on to report him
It’s the pretty privilege in action
He’s fit so he’s allowed to do what others would be labelled a predator for doing
Well I wouldn’t be the reason someone lost their job over something like that. No matter what they looked like. If it turned into harassment then it’s different.
Very Nobel of you, I’m sure the next person he does it to, maybe some anxious single mum that’s scared shitless because he knows her address and the layout of her house and her name and number, I’m sure she’ll be very proud of you for letting someone that broke the law keep their job because it didn’t both you too much "Jesus. mountain out of molehill! | |||
| |||
"I don’t think he crossed a line he shot his shot If you don’t ask you don’t know good for him though have the “balls” to shoot it I mean I give him kudos for that! Also I definitely did appreciate the compliment, the thing tho, I wonder if I’d have taken it differently from someone older that I thought was smarmy and Lechy. Not sure! I’d never get anyone in trouble over a text tho, unless it becomes persistent if I said no." He maybe shouldn’t have text though maybe should have done it in person while there but that’s the only fault I can see | |||
"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch?
To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it.
Mr
The number he got through the job , but as I said, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble for it. It made me smile and I didn’t take it wrongly.
if I get abducted, please call the police
The right thing to do is report him to the company
He’s breached the data protection laws to obtain your number for personal use
And just because you don’t mind it, doesn’t mean he’s not doing it to others, or might do it in the future, to someone that does mind it. Your potentially letting him get away with it now so he can potentially harass someone else later
It’s hardly harassing. If he carried on then yeah but is it really worth someone losing their job over one non-offensive message?!
It’s against the law. That’s why
As I said, just because he’s fit and she’s ok with it, it shouldn’t be a problem?
But if he was a fat older guy that did this to an anxious single mum who felt scared we would all be cheering her on to report him
It’s the pretty privilege in action
He’s fit so he’s allowed to do what others would be labelled a predator for doing
Well I wouldn’t be the reason someone lost their job over something like that. No matter what they looked like. If it turned into harassment then it’s different.
Very Nobel of you, I’m sure the next person he does it to, maybe some anxious single mum that’s scared shitless because he knows her address and the layout of her house and her name and number, I’m sure she’ll be very proud of you for letting someone that broke the law keep their job because it didn’t both you too much "You can't shift the blame for his actions onto someone else. I do agree the best thing to do would be to report it, but it's her choice at the end of the day and she shouldn't hold any of the responsibility of his actions. | |||
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"Genuine question but do removal operatives need to be checked out like having a dbs check ?" A what? | |||
"Genuine question but do removal operatives need to be checked out like having a dbs check ? A what? " dbs check most companies insist on them if you work within the community | |||
"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch?
To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it.
Mr
The number he got through the job , but as I said, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble for it. It made me smile and I didn’t take it wrongly.
if I get abducted, please call the police
The right thing to do is report him to the company
He’s breached the data protection laws to obtain your number for personal use
And just because you don’t mind it, doesn’t mean he’s not doing it to others, or might do it in the future, to someone that does mind it. Your potentially letting him get away with it now so he can potentially harass someone else later
It’s hardly harassing. If he carried on then yeah but is it really worth someone losing their job over one non-offensive message?!
It’s against the law. That’s why
As I said, just because he’s fit and she’s ok with it, it shouldn’t be a problem?
But if he was a fat older guy that did this to an anxious single mum who felt scared we would all be cheering her on to report him
It’s the pretty privilege in action
He’s fit so he’s allowed to do what others would be labelled a predator for doing
Well I wouldn’t be the reason someone lost their job over something like that. No matter what they looked like. If it turned into harassment then it’s different.
Very Nobel of you, I’m sure the next person he does it to, maybe some anxious single mum that’s scared shitless because he knows her address and the layout of her house and her name and number, I’m sure she’ll be very proud of you for letting someone that broke the law keep their job because it didn’t both you too much
Jesus. mountain out of molehill!"I only half agree with you on this one Nora - I would be very unlikely to advocate reporting unless it continued into genuine harassment. I do however believe the behaviour is overstepping a line, if the guy wanted to get with her he had plenty of time to do so. To store and then use her number is illegal, I think I know you enough to believe you'd stand by this even if it later turned out to be the first step in a full on harassment and when everyone else was ripping into the guy you would be saying 'hang on a minute, all he did to start was ... ' Personally though I'm more inclined to say these laws are there to protect everyone, there's plenty of ways of hooking up without breaking laws and no need to make exceptions because we like someone. Then again, if the guy was 58, fat and bald I'd react exactly the same. I get the very strong impression this wouldn't be the case for many ... Mr | |||
| |||
"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch?
To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it.
Mr
The number he got through the job , but as I said, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble for it. It made me smile and I didn’t take it wrongly.
if I get abducted, please call the police
The right thing to do is report him to the company
He’s breached the data protection laws to obtain your number for personal use
And just because you don’t mind it, doesn’t mean he’s not doing it to others, or might do it in the future, to someone that does mind it. Your potentially letting him get away with it now so he can potentially harass someone else later
It’s hardly harassing. If he carried on then yeah but is it really worth someone losing their job over one non-offensive message?!
It’s against the law. That’s why
As I said, just because he’s fit and she’s ok with it, it shouldn’t be a problem?
But if he was a fat older guy that did this to an anxious single mum who felt scared we would all be cheering her on to report him
It’s the pretty privilege in action
He’s fit so he’s allowed to do what others would be labelled a predator for doing
Well I wouldn’t be the reason someone lost their job over something like that. No matter what they looked like. If it turned into harassment then it’s different.
Very Nobel of you, I’m sure the next person he does it to, maybe some anxious single mum that’s scared shitless because he knows her address and the layout of her house and her name and number, I’m sure she’ll be very proud of you for letting someone that broke the law keep their job because it didn’t both you too much
Jesus. mountain out of molehill!
I only half agree with you on this one Nora - I would be very unlikely to advocate reporting unless it continued into genuine harassment. I do however believe the behaviour is overstepping a line, if the guy wanted to get with her he had plenty of time to do so. To store and then use her number is illegal, I think I know you enough to believe you'd stand by this even if it later turned out to be the first step in a full on harassment and when everyone else was ripping into the guy you would be saying 'hang on a minute, all he did to start was ... ' Personally though I'm more inclined to say these laws are there to protect everyone, there's plenty of ways of hooking up without breaking laws and no need to make exceptions because we like someone.
Then again, if the guy was 58, fat and bald I'd react exactly the same. I get the very strong impression this wouldn't be the case for many ...
Mr"I wasn’t saying what he did was appropriate. As I said first of all I’m not sure what I think of that bit. I personally would not be a part of someone losing their job over the content of that one message. That’s what I’m saying here. | |||
| |||
"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr" 100% on the money. | |||
"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr" How did the OP send a signal that it was OK for this guy to message her? She is reacting to something that has already happened. She didn't invite it so I'm not sure how you draw the conclusion that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Mrs TMN x | |||
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"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch?
To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it.
Mr
The number he got through the job , but as I said, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble for it. It made me smile and I didn’t take it wrongly.
if I get abducted, please call the police
The right thing to do is report him to the company
He’s breached the data protection laws to obtain your number for personal use
And just because you don’t mind it, doesn’t mean he’s not doing it to others, or might do it in the future, to someone that does mind it. Your potentially letting him get away with it now so he can potentially harass someone else later
It’s hardly harassing. If he carried on then yeah but is it really worth someone losing their job over one non-offensive message?!
It’s against the law. That’s why
As I said, just because he’s fit and she’s ok with it, it shouldn’t be a problem?
But if he was a fat older guy that did this to an anxious single mum who felt scared we would all be cheering her on to report him
It’s the pretty privilege in action
He’s fit so he’s allowed to do what others would be labelled a predator for doing
Well I wouldn’t be the reason someone lost their job over something like that. No matter what they looked like. If it turned into harassment then it’s different.
Very Nobel of you, I’m sure the next person he does it to, maybe some anxious single mum that’s scared shitless because he knows her address and the layout of her house and her name and number, I’m sure she’ll be very proud of you for letting someone that broke the law keep their job because it didn’t both you too much
Jesus. mountain out of molehill!
I only half agree with you on this one Nora - I would be very unlikely to advocate reporting unless it continued into genuine harassment. I do however believe the behaviour is overstepping a line, if the guy wanted to get with her he had plenty of time to do so. To store and then use her number is illegal, I think I know you enough to believe you'd stand by this even if it later turned out to be the first step in a full on harassment and when everyone else was ripping into the guy you would be saying 'hang on a minute, all he did to start was ... ' Personally though I'm more inclined to say these laws are there to protect everyone, there's plenty of ways of hooking up without breaking laws and no need to make exceptions because we like someone.
Then again, if the guy was 58, fat and bald I'd react exactly the same. I get the very strong impression this wouldn't be the case for many ...
Mr"Personally I think it needs reporting because as a poster above said People need to feel safe allowing contractors in their house confident that they won’t break data protection laws to send them unwanted texts You either police that, or you don’t. You can’t half measure it. As a part of society I feel it’s your duty to report these things and help police thus behaviour Because if your not firm about it now, what’s to stop the next person from turning it into harassment? These half measures just muddy the water of what’s acceptable and what isn’t. | |||
"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr How did the OP send a signal that it was OK for this guy to message her? She is reacting to something that has already happened. She didn't invite it so I'm not sure how you draw the conclusion that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Mrs TMN x" I've not once said women are responsible for men's behaviour and nor have I said the OP sent any signals. I suggest you re-read my post with your biases turned off
Mr | |||
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"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr How did the OP send a signal that it was OK for this guy to message her? She is reacting to something that has already happened. She didn't invite it so I'm not sure how you draw the conclusion that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Mrs TMN x I've not once said women are responsible for men's behaviour and nor have I said the OP sent any signals. I suggest you re-read my post with your biases turned off
Mr"Goodness, no need to roll your eyes and patronise me about biases. "If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that it is OK for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them." I'm not sure how else to construe that than women (some women) being responsible for men's (some men's) behaviour. As to you thinking the OP has done that, as this thread is on the topic featuring a specific instance which has happened to her, I don't think it's a huge stretch to think you were applying your statement to her. Granted you didn't specify you were talking about her. Mrs TMN | |||
" ... I wasn’t saying what he did was appropriate. As I said first of all I’m not sure what I think of that bit. I personally would not be a part of someone losing their job over the content of that one message. That’s what I’m saying here. " Yeah, fair enough. I probably wouldn't either. I get where thic is coming from though and certainly wouldn't object to someone reporting it. The behaviour *is* illegal. It is also behaviour that would intimidate and scare other people and he should know better (again this has a massive caveat that I don't know the whole situation, she may have blown him a kiss and made a call me hand gesture as he drove off). Easy solution, speak to the company, remind them that they have broken the law by not protecting her data. Say you want the guy spoken to but if he loses his job you'll pursue your claim against them. The reality is getting him fired solves nothing other than maybe teaching him a lesson, getting companies to take this shit seriously protects a lot more vulnerable people. Mr | |||
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"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr How did the OP send a signal that it was OK for this guy to message her? She is reacting to something that has already happened. She didn't invite it so I'm not sure how you draw the conclusion that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Mrs TMN x I've not once said women are responsible for men's behaviour and nor have I said the OP sent any signals. I suggest you re-read my post with your biases turned off
Mr
Goodness, no need to roll your eyes and patronise me about biases.
"If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that it is OK for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them."
I'm not sure how else to construe that than women (some women) being responsible for men's (some men's) behaviour.
As to you thinking the OP has done that, as this thread is on the topic featuring a specific instance which has happened to her, I don't think it's a huge stretch to think you were applying your statement to her. Granted you didn't specify you were talking about her.
Mrs TMN "If we as a society all stand strong and say “no one do X” then we all know, not to do X But if we all stand there and say “don’t do X” then a bunch of people actually let you do X if your fit, can you see how that creates a weird situation? They aren’t saying women are responsible for the actions of men. I think they’re saying if we don’t all remain consistent on what is/isn’t acceptable then we have an issue. Like my bum grab example above. Everyone says don’t grab a woman’s bum in the pub. But if I see my mate do it and she loves it, can you see how that’s confusing for guys? That’s why this “be better” stuff isn’t always as straight forward as some people want to make it | |||
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"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Why does being young man mean he's not a letch? Or did I misunderstand your comment 'he's young by the way so not an old letch' and what you meant was he is in fact a young letch?
To answer your question, nothing wrong with him approaching you, the issue would be in him using your number. If he had it as part of your details from the job then that's overstepping a line - though of course it's up to you whether or not you care. If you personally gave your number to him (even as part of the job) you're giving him that means of contact so can't complain if he (mistakenly?) thought you'd be happy with him using it.
Mr
The number he got through the job , but as I said, I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble for it. It made me smile and I didn’t take it wrongly.
if I get abducted, please call the police
The right thing to do is report him to the company
He’s breached the data protection laws to obtain your number for personal use
And just because you don’t mind it, doesn’t mean he’s not doing it to others, or might do it in the future, to someone that does mind it. Your potentially letting him get away with it now so he can potentially harass someone else later
It’s hardly harassing. If he carried on then yeah but is it really worth someone losing their job over one non-offensive message?!
It’s against the law. That’s why
As I said, just because he’s fit and she’s ok with it, it shouldn’t be a problem?
But if he was a fat older guy that did this to an anxious single mum who felt scared we would all be cheering her on to report him
It’s the pretty privilege in action
He’s fit so he’s allowed to do what others would be labelled a predator for doing "
My thoughts as well | |||
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"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr How did the OP send a signal that it was OK for this guy to message her? She is reacting to something that has already happened. She didn't invite it so I'm not sure how you draw the conclusion that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Mrs TMN x I've not once said women are responsible for men's behaviour and nor have I said the OP sent any signals. I suggest you re-read my post with your biases turned off
Mr
Goodness, no need to roll your eyes and patronise me about biases.
"If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that it is OK for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them."
I'm not sure how else to construe that than women (some women) being responsible for men's (some men's) behaviour.
As to you thinking the OP has done that, as this thread is on the topic featuring a specific instance which has happened to her, I don't think it's a huge stretch to think you were applying your statement to her. Granted you didn't specify you were talking about her.
Mrs TMN "That quote in no way implies responsibility. I'm simply saying if women want men to stop behaving in certain ways they need to stop telling some of them it's ok. No one is responsible for how others behave - end of. That said, when man x behaves in a certain way and gets a fuck for his efforts we shouldn't be surprised if man y tries the same tactic. We also shouldn't try and convince man y that his behaviour is wrong when we've just accepted the same behaviour from man x - that is discrimination. Mr | |||
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"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please "Unless they’re gonna be helping you move house every week and you’ll have an ongoing professional relationship, it sounds like a case of boy meets girl. Sounds sweet to me, old fashioned. | |||
" It’s against the law. That’s why As I said, just because he’s fit and she’s ok with it, it shouldn’t be a problem? But if he was a fat older guy that did this to an anxious single mum who felt scared we would all be cheering her on to report him It’s the pretty privilege in action He’s fit so he’s allowed to do what others would be labelled a predator for doing " You, my friend, have correctly identified the problem with this, and how his behaviour was out of line! Well said! | |||
"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Unless they’re gonna be helping you move house every week and you’ll have an ongoing professional relationship, it sounds like a case of boy meets girl. Sounds sweet to me, old fashioned. "Sort of my thoughts too. But no he must be a sexual predator | |||
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"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Unless they’re gonna be helping you move house every week and you’ll have an ongoing professional relationship, it sounds like a case of boy meets girl. Sounds sweet to me, old fashioned.
Sort of my thoughts too. But no he must be a sexual predator "I don't think anyone has accused him of being a sexual predator. Two things have been pointed out. First is that what he did was in breach of GDPR regulations (and there have been various opinions on whether this is something that should be reported or not). Second is this exact same behaviour carried out by another man, or even the same man with a different woman could leave another woman feeling intimidated, uncomfortable, vulnerable and scared. This doesnt mean people believe he is a predator just that they believe his behaviour could result in another person having these feelings. Obviously he can't be a predator, the OP facies him and we all know that predators are only ugly, old or dirty (or a combination of the above). Hot young guys are never predators, or pervs or sleazy.
Mr | |||
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"People have to be able to meet somehow. As long as he was polite and courteous I don't see the harm. " He abused his access to confidential legally protected data, to send a message to a lone female. Still struggling to see the problem? | |||
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"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr How did the OP send a signal that it was OK for this guy to message her? She is reacting to something that has already happened. She didn't invite it so I'm not sure how you draw the conclusion that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Mrs TMN x I've not once said women are responsible for men's behaviour and nor have I said the OP sent any signals. I suggest you re-read my post with your biases turned off
Mr
Goodness, no need to roll your eyes and patronise me about biases.
"If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that it is OK for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them."
I'm not sure how else to construe that than women (some women) being responsible for men's (some men's) behaviour.
As to you thinking the OP has done that, as this thread is on the topic featuring a specific instance which has happened to her, I don't think it's a huge stretch to think you were applying your statement to her. Granted you didn't specify you were talking about her.
Mrs TMN
If we as a society all stand strong and say “no one do X” then we all know, not to do X
But if we all stand there and say “don’t do X” then a bunch of people actually let you do X if your fit, can you see how that creates a weird situation?
They aren’t saying women are responsible for the actions of men. I think they’re saying if we don’t all remain consistent on what is/isn’t acceptable then we have an issue.
Like my bum grab example above. Everyone says don’t grab a woman’s bum in the pub. But if I see my mate do it and she loves it, can you see how that’s confusing for guys? That’s why this “be better” stuff isn’t always as straight forward as some people want to make it "Hmm. How can we possibly make all women behave in a consistent way? Or all people, for that matter? It seems entirely unrealistic. So to my mind, it comes down to individual responsibility. I'm not saying it's straightforward for anyone. | |||
"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr How did the OP send a signal that it was OK for this guy to message her? She is reacting to something that has already happened. She didn't invite it so I'm not sure how you draw the conclusion that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Mrs TMN x I've not once said women are responsible for men's behaviour and nor have I said the OP sent any signals. I suggest you re-read my post with your biases turned off
Mr
Goodness, no need to roll your eyes and patronise me about biases.
"If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that it is OK for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them."
I'm not sure how else to construe that than women (some women) being responsible for men's (some men's) behaviour.
As to you thinking the OP has done that, as this thread is on the topic featuring a specific instance which has happened to her, I don't think it's a huge stretch to think you were applying your statement to her. Granted you didn't specify you were talking about her.
Mrs TMN
That quote in no way implies responsibility. I'm simply saying if women want men to stop behaving in certain ways they need to stop telling some of them it's ok. No one is responsible for how others behave - end of. That said, when man x behaves in a certain way and gets a fuck for his efforts we shouldn't be surprised if man y tries the same tactic. We also shouldn't try and convince man y that his behaviour is wrong when we've just accepted the same behaviour from man x - that is discrimination.
Mr"I can't get past you claiming that if women want men to stop doing x they need to stop telling some of them it's OK. To me that is absolutely laying responsibility with women (some women, some men, some responsibility). I don't think we're going to agree on this. | |||
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"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr How did the OP send a signal that it was OK for this guy to message her? She is reacting to something that has already happened. She didn't invite it so I'm not sure how you draw the conclusion that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Mrs TMN x I've not once said women are responsible for men's behaviour and nor have I said the OP sent any signals. I suggest you re-read my post with your biases turned off
Mr
Goodness, no need to roll your eyes and patronise me about biases.
"If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that it is OK for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them."
I'm not sure how else to construe that than women (some women) being responsible for men's (some men's) behaviour.
As to you thinking the OP has done that, as this thread is on the topic featuring a specific instance which has happened to her, I don't think it's a huge stretch to think you were applying your statement to her. Granted you didn't specify you were talking about her.
Mrs TMN
That quote in no way implies responsibility. I'm simply saying if women want men to stop behaving in certain ways they need to stop telling some of them it's ok. No one is responsible for how others behave - end of. That said, when man x behaves in a certain way and gets a fuck for his efforts we shouldn't be surprised if man y tries the same tactic. We also shouldn't try and convince man y that his behaviour is wrong when we've just accepted the same behaviour from man x - that is discrimination.
Mr
I can't get past you claiming that if women want men to stop doing x they need to stop telling some of them it's OK. To me that is absolutely laying responsibility with women (some women, some men, some responsibility). I don't think we're going to agree on this. "How about if we get rid of the men and women bit and the bit about sexual attraction and see if this helps? If members of group z want an arbitrary portion of group x to stop doing action y then I believe members of group z need to stop telling group x it is alright for some of them to ignore the rules that they (group z) expects the rest to follow. I believe this because the members of group x that are allowed to break the rules will vary depending on which member of group z is asked so the members of group x will have absolutely no idea if they are or are not allowed. Does that make any more sense? Mr | |||
"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr How did the OP send a signal that it was OK for this guy to message her? She is reacting to something that has already happened. She didn't invite it so I'm not sure how you draw the conclusion that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Mrs TMN x I've not once said women are responsible for men's behaviour and nor have I said the OP sent any signals. I suggest you re-read my post with your biases turned off
Mr
Goodness, no need to roll your eyes and patronise me about biases.
"If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that it is OK for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them."
I'm not sure how else to construe that than women (some women) being responsible for men's (some men's) behaviour.
As to you thinking the OP has done that, as this thread is on the topic featuring a specific instance which has happened to her, I don't think it's a huge stretch to think you were applying your statement to her. Granted you didn't specify you were talking about her.
Mrs TMN
That quote in no way implies responsibility. I'm simply saying if women want men to stop behaving in certain ways they need to stop telling some of them it's ok. No one is responsible for how others behave - end of. That said, when man x behaves in a certain way and gets a fuck for his efforts we shouldn't be surprised if man y tries the same tactic. We also shouldn't try and convince man y that his behaviour is wrong when we've just accepted the same behaviour from man x - that is discrimination.
Mr
I can't get past you claiming that if women want men to stop doing x they need to stop telling some of them it's OK. To me that is absolutely laying responsibility with women (some women, some men, some responsibility). I don't think we're going to agree on this.
How about if we get rid of the men and women bit and the bit about sexual attraction and see if this helps?
If members of group z want an arbitrary portion of group x to stop doing action y then I believe members of group z need to stop telling group x it is alright for some of them to ignore the rules that they (group z) expects the rest to follow.
I believe this because the members of group x that are allowed to break the rules will vary depending on which member of group z is asked so the members of group x will have absolutely no idea if they are or are not allowed.
Does that make any more sense?
Mr"Oh, I understand what you're saying perfectly well. I just don't agree. | |||
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"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please
Unless they’re gonna be helping you move house every week and you’ll have an ongoing professional relationship, it sounds like a case of boy meets girl. Sounds sweet to me, old fashioned.
Sort of my thoughts too. But no he must be a sexual predator
I don't think anyone has accused him of being a sexual predator. Two things have been pointed out.
First is that what he did was in breach of GDPR regulations (and there have been various opinions on whether this is something that should be reported or not).
Second is this exact same behaviour carried out by another man, or even the same man with a different woman could leave another woman feeling intimidated, uncomfortable, vulnerable and scared. This doesnt mean people believe he is a predator just that they believe his behaviour could result in another person having these feelings.
Obviously he can't be a predator, the OP facies him and we all know that predators are only ugly, old or dirty (or a combination of the above). Hot young guys are never predators, or pervs or sleazy.
Mr"And this is the perfect answer
As the OP said he wasn’t and OLD letch or UGLY .. so that makes it cute and alright. | |||
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"People have to be able to meet somehow. As long as he was polite and courteous I don't see the harm. " He was very polite and courteous, also when he was here, he never made me feel uncomfortable or like he was eyeing me up to get in my knickers. Who knows, maybe that’s his intention, but he was actually very kind , and his text was lovely. A compliment is in my mind, appreciated. But I understand the predicament! | |||
"It depends for me, if he had your number because he was a man and his van type removals and you had to ring his number to arrange the job then that is different to if he had your number because he works for a firm and saved your number from the info on the job sheet If it is the first one, then he saw an opportunity and took it and that wouldn't have bothered me....if it was the second it was unprofessional and he could be in trouble if you reported it Maybe he should have just asked you could he give you his number" It’s the first one! He had my number because he had to ring me to tell me he was x minutes away, then he picked my stuff and told me to text him for updates et . I did text him to just give him instructions on where to Park and what street exactly as it’s tricky when I knew he was not far away. He didn’t go through the logbook intentionally (say like someone finding personal info from a payment receipt and looking for me on Facebook) | |||
it was nice meeting ya all x
Kiddinggggg 
Just a bad joke | |||
"If I go missing it was nice meeting ya all x
Kiddinggggg
Just a bad joke "Il buy a hat for the wedding. | |||
"I’d be much more subtle and see if she’s interested before texting stuff like that to a number I got for business etc it’s a bit too full on and unprofessional. To be fair, I knew he was into me when he started lingering too much and trying to strike convos, and the eye contact
But anyway "What if he had left a note including his number, would that have been different for you? | |||
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"I’d be much more subtle and see if she’s interested before texting stuff like that to a number I got for business etc it’s a bit too full on and unprofessional. To be fair, I knew he was into me when he started lingering too much and trying to strike convos, and the eye contact
But anyway
What if he had left a note including his number, would that have been different for you?"This thread was just to spark a discussion , because someone close to me told me he was in the wrong, and to report him. I won’t by the way, because he’s been a gentleman about it and as I said, yes maybe he crossed the line. But he wasn’t harassing me or anything. Now, if I said no thanks, don’t text me and he kept texting and texting and texting. Then that’s another story Or even if he said something of sexual nature. The fact that he said I’m pretty and that he fancied me. Who freaking cares, definitely less creepy than that guy who asked me if I was single, while I was walking by a building site, minding my own business | |||
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| |||
"No I don't think it's ok. I don't think it's right for them to use your personal information that they have access to, to contact you for anything unrelated to work. I find it a bit creepy to be honest. "This for me too! | |||
"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr How did the OP send a signal that it was OK for this guy to message her? She is reacting to something that has already happened. She didn't invite it so I'm not sure how you draw the conclusion that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Mrs TMN x I've not once said women are responsible for men's behaviour and nor have I said the OP sent any signals. I suggest you re-read my post with your biases turned off
Mr
Goodness, no need to roll your eyes and patronise me about biases.
"If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that it is OK for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them."
I'm not sure how else to construe that than women (some women) being responsible for men's (some men's) behaviour.
As to you thinking the OP has done that, as this thread is on the topic featuring a specific instance which has happened to her, I don't think it's a huge stretch to think you were applying your statement to her. Granted you didn't specify you were talking about her.
Mrs TMN
That quote in no way implies responsibility. I'm simply saying if women want men to stop behaving in certain ways they need to stop telling some of them it's ok. No one is responsible for how others behave - end of. That said, when man x behaves in a certain way and gets a fuck for his efforts we shouldn't be surprised if man y tries the same tactic. We also shouldn't try and convince man y that his behaviour is wrong when we've just accepted the same behaviour from man x - that is discrimination.
Mr
I can't get past you claiming that if women want men to stop doing x they need to stop telling some of them it's OK. To me that is absolutely laying responsibility with women (some women, some men, some responsibility). I don't think we're going to agree on this.
How about if we get rid of the men and women bit and the bit about sexual attraction and see if this helps?
If members of group z want an arbitrary portion of group x to stop doing action y then I believe members of group z need to stop telling group x it is alright for some of them to ignore the rules that they (group z) expects the rest to follow.
I believe this because the members of group x that are allowed to break the rules will vary depending on which member of group z is asked so the members of group x will have absolutely no idea if they are or are not allowed.
Does that make any more sense?
Mr
Oh, I understand what you're saying perfectly well. I just don't agree. "Jesus. I hope to fuck you never get jury service considering the guilt of an ugly man. Mr | |||
"It’s unprofessional but not illegal… it becomes illegal if the contact continues and it’s unwanted " Try that defence in court… you’re missing the point about the breech of GDPR and how he happened to have access to her number. | |||
"Hmm. How can we possibly make all women behave in a consistent way? Or all people, for that matter? It seems entirely unrealistic. So to my mind, it comes down to individual responsibility. I'm not saying it's straightforward for anyone. " Really? Stop and think for a moment. After the tragic death of Sarah Everard (and countless women before hand) there was a big outcry (rightly so) about mens behaviour towards women. The big battle cry was “it’s not about women taking precautions it’s about men knowing how to behave around women.” Every right-thinking person would absolutely support this. It comes down to boundaries. We have them or we don’t. You say it’s unrealistic to expect all women to behave in a consistent way, yet society is demanding that of men? So here’s the deal: Men have to behave properly. Know when it’s appropriate or inappropriate to approach a woman, and how that approach should be made. Women have to be consistent in how mens behaviour is deemed appropriate or inappropriate. The two very much go hand in hand. | |||
"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr How did the OP send a signal that it was OK for this guy to message her? She is reacting to something that has already happened. She didn't invite it so I'm not sure how you draw the conclusion that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Mrs TMN x I've not once said women are responsible for men's behaviour and nor have I said the OP sent any signals. I suggest you re-read my post with your biases turned off
Mr
Goodness, no need to roll your eyes and patronise me about biases.
"If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that it is OK for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them."
I'm not sure how else to construe that than women (some women) being responsible for men's (some men's) behaviour.
As to you thinking the OP has done that, as this thread is on the topic featuring a specific instance which has happened to her, I don't think it's a huge stretch to think you were applying your statement to her. Granted you didn't specify you were talking about her.
Mrs TMN
That quote in no way implies responsibility. I'm simply saying if women want men to stop behaving in certain ways they need to stop telling some of them it's ok. No one is responsible for how others behave - end of. That said, when man x behaves in a certain way and gets a fuck for his efforts we shouldn't be surprised if man y tries the same tactic. We also shouldn't try and convince man y that his behaviour is wrong when we've just accepted the same behaviour from man x - that is discrimination.
Mr
I can't get past you claiming that if women want men to stop doing x they need to stop telling some of them it's OK. To me that is absolutely laying responsibility with women (some women, some men, some responsibility). I don't think we're going to agree on this.
How about if we get rid of the men and women bit and the bit about sexual attraction and see if this helps?
If members of group z want an arbitrary portion of group x to stop doing action y then I believe members of group z need to stop telling group x it is alright for some of them to ignore the rules that they (group z) expects the rest to follow.
I believe this because the members of group x that are allowed to break the rules will vary depending on which member of group z is asked so the members of group x will have absolutely no idea if they are or are not allowed.
Does that make any more sense?
Mr
Oh, I understand what you're saying perfectly well. I just don't agree.
Jesus. I hope to fuck you never get jury service considering the guilt of an ugly man.
Mr"There's no need to be rude. I've been perfectly civil in this conversation. I'm not sure how you've extrapolated that I excuse bad behaviour from attractive people, as I absolutely do not. I think we'd better leave it here as we clearly disagree. | |||
"If it was an actual company I'd find it odd and a tad intrusive that he kept my number from a works order... I'd rather he'd just say to me in person" This definitely | |||
"No I don't think it's ok. I don't think it's right for them to use your personal information that they have access to, to contact you for anything unrelated to work. I find it a bit creepy to be honest.
This for me too! "And this as it is very creepy a question a person would be asking themselves why has the person kept personal information id report him via the company they work for | |||
"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr How did the OP send a signal that it was OK for this guy to message her? She is reacting to something that has already happened. She didn't invite it so I'm not sure how you draw the conclusion that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Mrs TMN x I've not once said women are responsible for men's behaviour and nor have I said the OP sent any signals. I suggest you re-read my post with your biases turned off
Mr
Goodness, no need to roll your eyes and patronise me about biases.
"If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that it is OK for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them."
I'm not sure how else to construe that than women (some women) being responsible for men's (some men's) behaviour.
As to you thinking the OP has done that, as this thread is on the topic featuring a specific instance which has happened to her, I don't think it's a huge stretch to think you were applying your statement to her. Granted you didn't specify you were talking about her.
Mrs TMN
That quote in no way implies responsibility. I'm simply saying if women want men to stop behaving in certain ways they need to stop telling some of them it's ok. No one is responsible for how others behave - end of. That said, when man x behaves in a certain way and gets a fuck for his efforts we shouldn't be surprised if man y tries the same tactic. We also shouldn't try and convince man y that his behaviour is wrong when we've just accepted the same behaviour from man x - that is discrimination.
Mr
I can't get past you claiming that if women want men to stop doing x they need to stop telling some of them it's OK. To me that is absolutely laying responsibility with women (some women, some men, some responsibility). I don't think we're going to agree on this.
How about if we get rid of the men and women bit and the bit about sexual attraction and see if this helps?
If members of group z want an arbitrary portion of group x to stop doing action y then I believe members of group z need to stop telling group x it is alright for some of them to ignore the rules that they (group z) expects the rest to follow.
I believe this because the members of group x that are allowed to break the rules will vary depending on which member of group z is asked so the members of group x will have absolutely no idea if they are or are not allowed.
Does that make any more sense?
Mr
Oh, I understand what you're saying perfectly well. I just don't agree.
Jesus. I hope to fuck you never get jury service considering the guilt of an ugly man.
Mr
There's no need to be rude. I've been perfectly civil in this conversation. I'm not sure how you've extrapolated that I excuse bad behaviour from attractive people, as I absolutely do not. I think we'd better leave it here as we clearly disagree. "To be fair that’s exactly what I gathered from your replies. You don’t see an issue with telling attractive people that X is ok for them but it’s harassment/assault for unattractive people I mean we can leave it there, but I don’t feel you’ve made your stance very clear. | |||
"Hmm. How can we possibly make all women behave in a consistent way? Or all people, for that matter? It seems entirely unrealistic. So to my mind, it comes down to individual responsibility. I'm not saying it's straightforward for anyone. Really? Stop and think for a moment. After the tragic death of Sarah Everard (and countless women before hand) there was a big outcry (rightly so) about mens behaviour towards women. The big battle cry was “it’s not about women taking precautions it’s about men knowing how to behave around women.” Every right-thinking person would absolutely support this. It comes down to boundaries. We have them or we don’t. You say it’s unrealistic to expect all women to behave in a consistent way, yet society is demanding that of men? So here’s the deal: Men have to behave properly. Know when it’s appropriate or inappropriate to approach a woman, and how that approach should be made. Women have to be consistent in how mens behaviour is deemed appropriate or inappropriate. The two very much go hand in hand. " I'm not sure we're actually disagreeing here. Yes, of course we should expect a consistent standard of behaviour from everyone in society towards each other, and I absolutely believe that. What I was questioning was being able to "make" people do it. This had spun off from comments up the thread about if women want men to stop behaving in a certain way, they have to stop giving mixed signals (I'm paraphrasing). There will always be outliers like the horrific case of Sarah Everard. There will be cases of people who put up with abusive treatment, for years on end. Should they just tell the perpetrator to stop? Would it work? I guess I'm musing around things never being as black and white as we would like them to be. So yes, I think we do all need to take individual responsibility for our actions. Hope I've explained myself a bit better. Mrs TMN x | |||
"Hmm. How can we possibly make all women behave in a consistent way? Or all people, for that matter? It seems entirely unrealistic. So to my mind, it comes down to individual responsibility. I'm not saying it's straightforward for anyone. Really? Stop and think for a moment. After the tragic death of Sarah Everard (and countless women before hand) there was a big outcry (rightly so) about mens behaviour towards women. The big battle cry was “it’s not about women taking precautions it’s about men knowing how to behave around women.” Every right-thinking person would absolutely support this. It comes down to boundaries. We have them or we don’t. You say it’s unrealistic to expect all women to behave in a consistent way, yet society is demanding that of men? So here’s the deal: Men have to behave properly. Know when it’s appropriate or inappropriate to approach a woman, and how that approach should be made. Women have to be consistent in how mens behaviour is deemed appropriate or inappropriate. The two very much go hand in hand. " Exactly this If we as a society want men to behave in a certain way, and men who don’t to be held accountable, women need to not muddy the waters of that by allowing men they find attractive not be held accountable for behaving in those ways. Imagine if we as a society said we wanted cars to stop speeding, but many people didn’t mind as long as it’s a nice car? That’s not gonna fix the problem. It turns a legal issue (were you speeding or not) into an opinion (is your car nice enough that you can speed) What do you tell the guy in a Mazda that gets pulled over for speeding when he says the person last week thought Mazda was a nice enough car and he was allowed to speed? | |||
"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr How did the OP send a signal that it was OK for this guy to message her? She is reacting to something that has already happened. She didn't invite it so I'm not sure how you draw the conclusion that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Mrs TMN x I've not once said women are responsible for men's behaviour and nor have I said the OP sent any signals. I suggest you re-read my post with your biases turned off
Mr
Goodness, no need to roll your eyes and patronise me about biases.
"If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that it is OK for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them."
I'm not sure how else to construe that than women (some women) being responsible for men's (some men's) behaviour.
As to you thinking the OP has done that, as this thread is on the topic featuring a specific instance which has happened to her, I don't think it's a huge stretch to think you were applying your statement to her. Granted you didn't specify you were talking about her.
Mrs TMN
That quote in no way implies responsibility. I'm simply saying if women want men to stop behaving in certain ways they need to stop telling some of them it's ok. No one is responsible for how others behave - end of. That said, when man x behaves in a certain way and gets a fuck for his efforts we shouldn't be surprised if man y tries the same tactic. We also shouldn't try and convince man y that his behaviour is wrong when we've just accepted the same behaviour from man x - that is discrimination.
Mr
I can't get past you claiming that if women want men to stop doing x they need to stop telling some of them it's OK. To me that is absolutely laying responsibility with women (some women, some men, some responsibility). I don't think we're going to agree on this.
How about if we get rid of the men and women bit and the bit about sexual attraction and see if this helps?
If members of group z want an arbitrary portion of group x to stop doing action y then I believe members of group z need to stop telling group x it is alright for some of them to ignore the rules that they (group z) expects the rest to follow.
I believe this because the members of group x that are allowed to break the rules will vary depending on which member of group z is asked so the members of group x will have absolutely no idea if they are or are not allowed.
Does that make any more sense?
Mr
Oh, I understand what you're saying perfectly well. I just don't agree.
Jesus. I hope to fuck you never get jury service considering the guilt of an ugly man.
Mr
There's no need to be rude. I've been perfectly civil in this conversation. I'm not sure how you've extrapolated that I excuse bad behaviour from attractive people, as I absolutely do not. I think we'd better leave it here as we clearly disagree.
To be fair that’s exactly what I gathered from your replies. You don’t see an issue with telling attractive people that X is ok for them but it’s harassment/assault for unattractive people
I mean we can leave it there, but I don’t feel you’ve made your stance very clear. "Ah. I need to continue to explain myself to you? When you've been rude and patronising to me more than once? I think we're done here, thanks. | |||
"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr How did the OP send a signal that it was OK for this guy to message her? She is reacting to something that has already happened. She didn't invite it so I'm not sure how you draw the conclusion that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Mrs TMN x I've not once said women are responsible for men's behaviour and nor have I said the OP sent any signals. I suggest you re-read my post with your biases turned off
Mr
Goodness, no need to roll your eyes and patronise me about biases.
"If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that it is OK for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them."
I'm not sure how else to construe that than women (some women) being responsible for men's (some men's) behaviour.
As to you thinking the OP has done that, as this thread is on the topic featuring a specific instance which has happened to her, I don't think it's a huge stretch to think you were applying your statement to her. Granted you didn't specify you were talking about her.
Mrs TMN
That quote in no way implies responsibility. I'm simply saying if women want men to stop behaving in certain ways they need to stop telling some of them it's ok. No one is responsible for how others behave - end of. That said, when man x behaves in a certain way and gets a fuck for his efforts we shouldn't be surprised if man y tries the same tactic. We also shouldn't try and convince man y that his behaviour is wrong when we've just accepted the same behaviour from man x - that is discrimination.
Mr
I can't get past you claiming that if women want men to stop doing x they need to stop telling some of them it's OK. To me that is absolutely laying responsibility with women (some women, some men, some responsibility). I don't think we're going to agree on this.
How about if we get rid of the men and women bit and the bit about sexual attraction and see if this helps?
If members of group z want an arbitrary portion of group x to stop doing action y then I believe members of group z need to stop telling group x it is alright for some of them to ignore the rules that they (group z) expects the rest to follow.
I believe this because the members of group x that are allowed to break the rules will vary depending on which member of group z is asked so the members of group x will have absolutely no idea if they are or are not allowed.
Does that make any more sense?
Mr
Oh, I understand what you're saying perfectly well. I just don't agree.
Jesus. I hope to fuck you never get jury service considering the guilt of an ugly man.
Mr
There's no need to be rude. I've been perfectly civil in this conversation. I'm not sure how you've extrapolated that I excuse bad behaviour from attractive people, as I absolutely do not. I think we'd better leave it here as we clearly disagree.
To be fair that’s exactly what I gathered from your replies. You don’t see an issue with telling attractive people that X is ok for them but it’s harassment/assault for unattractive people
I mean we can leave it there, but I don’t feel you’ve made your stance very clear.
Ah. I need to continue to explain myself to you? When you've been rude and patronising to me more than once?
I think we're done here, thanks. "Think you’ve confused me with someone else, I replied to you once on here and was very courteous | |||
| |||
"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr How did the OP send a signal that it was OK for this guy to message her? She is reacting to something that has already happened. She didn't invite it so I'm not sure how you draw the conclusion that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Mrs TMN x I've not once said women are responsible for men's behaviour and nor have I said the OP sent any signals. I suggest you re-read my post with your biases turned off
Mr
Goodness, no need to roll your eyes and patronise me about biases.
"If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that it is OK for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them."
I'm not sure how else to construe that than women (some women) being responsible for men's (some men's) behaviour.
As to you thinking the OP has done that, as this thread is on the topic featuring a specific instance which has happened to her, I don't think it's a huge stretch to think you were applying your statement to her. Granted you didn't specify you were talking about her.
Mrs TMN
That quote in no way implies responsibility. I'm simply saying if women want men to stop behaving in certain ways they need to stop telling some of them it's ok. No one is responsible for how others behave - end of. That said, when man x behaves in a certain way and gets a fuck for his efforts we shouldn't be surprised if man y tries the same tactic. We also shouldn't try and convince man y that his behaviour is wrong when we've just accepted the same behaviour from man x - that is discrimination.
Mr
I can't get past you claiming that if women want men to stop doing x they need to stop telling some of them it's OK. To me that is absolutely laying responsibility with women (some women, some men, some responsibility). I don't think we're going to agree on this.
How about if we get rid of the men and women bit and the bit about sexual attraction and see if this helps?
If members of group z want an arbitrary portion of group x to stop doing action y then I believe members of group z need to stop telling group x it is alright for some of them to ignore the rules that they (group z) expects the rest to follow.
I believe this because the members of group x that are allowed to break the rules will vary depending on which member of group z is asked so the members of group x will have absolutely no idea if they are or are not allowed.
Does that make any more sense?
Mr
Oh, I understand what you're saying perfectly well. I just don't agree.
Jesus. I hope to fuck you never get jury service considering the guilt of an ugly man.
Mr
There's no need to be rude. I've been perfectly civil in this conversation. I'm not sure how you've extrapolated that I excuse bad behaviour from attractive people, as I absolutely do not. I think we'd better leave it here as we clearly disagree.
To be fair that’s exactly what I gathered from your replies. You don’t see an issue with telling attractive people that X is ok for them but it’s harassment/assault for unattractive people
I mean we can leave it there, but I don’t feel you’ve made your stance very clear.
Ah. I need to continue to explain myself to you? When you've been rude and patronising to me more than once?
I think we're done here, thanks. "THIS ONE MESSAGE IS LONGER THAN ALL THE OTHER FEEDS ON FAB PUT TOGETHER | |||
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"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr How did the OP send a signal that it was OK for this guy to message her? She is reacting to something that has already happened. She didn't invite it so I'm not sure how you draw the conclusion that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Mrs TMN x I've not once said women are responsible for men's behaviour and nor have I said the OP sent any signals. I suggest you re-read my post with your biases turned off
Mr
Goodness, no need to roll your eyes and patronise me about biases.
"If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that it is OK for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them."
I'm not sure how else to construe that than women (some women) being responsible for men's (some men's) behaviour.
As to you thinking the OP has done that, as this thread is on the topic featuring a specific instance which has happened to her, I don't think it's a huge stretch to think you were applying your statement to her. Granted you didn't specify you were talking about her.
Mrs TMN
That quote in no way implies responsibility. I'm simply saying if women want men to stop behaving in certain ways they need to stop telling some of them it's ok. No one is responsible for how others behave - end of. That said, when man x behaves in a certain way and gets a fuck for his efforts we shouldn't be surprised if man y tries the same tactic. We also shouldn't try and convince man y that his behaviour is wrong when we've just accepted the same behaviour from man x - that is discrimination.
Mr
I can't get past you claiming that if women want men to stop doing x they need to stop telling some of them it's OK. To me that is absolutely laying responsibility with women (some women, some men, some responsibility). I don't think we're going to agree on this.
How about if we get rid of the men and women bit and the bit about sexual attraction and see if this helps?
If members of group z want an arbitrary portion of group x to stop doing action y then I believe members of group z need to stop telling group x it is alright for some of them to ignore the rules that they (group z) expects the rest to follow.
I believe this because the members of group x that are allowed to break the rules will vary depending on which member of group z is asked so the members of group x will have absolutely no idea if they are or are not allowed.
Does that make any more sense?
Mr
Oh, I understand what you're saying perfectly well. I just don't agree.
Jesus. I hope to fuck you never get jury service considering the guilt of an ugly man.
Mr
There's no need to be rude. I've been perfectly civil in this conversation. I'm not sure how you've extrapolated that I excuse bad behaviour from attractive people, as I absolutely do not. I think we'd better leave it here as we clearly disagree.
To be fair that’s exactly what I gathered from your replies. You don’t see an issue with telling attractive people that X is ok for them but it’s harassment/assault for unattractive people
I mean we can leave it there, but I don’t feel you’ve made your stance very clear.
Ah. I need to continue to explain myself to you? When you've been rude and patronising to me more than once?
I think we're done here, thanks.
Think you’ve confused me with someone else, I replied to you once on here and was very courteous "Apologies, you are quite right!  | |||
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"It's not appropriate to use a number that someone provided for professional purposes to contact them on a personal level. Would you feel conflicted if it was an old creepy guy?" Great question | |||
"So I don’t wanna go too much into details, but anyway, I’ve moved to my new place, and I had these two guys who did the whole move for me, they have been brill. Anyway, one was being quite chatty, and I sort of know when someone is sort of lingering for too long or likes me. Fast forward, and I see a text message and it was the guy, telling me I’m a beautiful woman, and that he likes me. And that he’d like to get to know me. He was overall very sweet btw… he wasn’t being sexual in any way, shape , or form Now, It doesn’t matter whether I also fancied him or not (he was a young guy btw, so not an old lech), or if I texted back or not and yada yada. Do you think this is appropriate ? And I had a discussion with a friend about it, who said this seem to be happening more and more often ?? Comments please "If he is doing that to you, how many others is he doing it to? That's what you need to ask yourself really. I do think it's inappropriate in the circumstances for the reasons others have e stated. It's a shame that if there was a genuine mutual attraction that it's happened this way, but I'd avoid if I was you | |||
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"There was another thread in the fantasy section where the guy was chatting about it from the guys point of view. He was given quite a bit of grief over it being unprofessional and making women feel unsafe to let workmen into their homes. Some said it was him misinterpreting the womans use of clothes and actins over the days they were there and so on. Personally I think its only creepy if the woman doesn't find the guy attractive and acceptable if they do. You have stated it was a young guy and not creepy. If it was a a guy you found ugly or older and not your type who sent the same message, would you feel the same way OP? I think I’d have probably felt different if he was someone I found ugly . Wouldn’t have got him in trouble for it, for the sake of it tho This attitude is one that really presses my buttons. Men are are constantly being criticised for their behaviour around women, told we need to change, to stop being creepy, to stop making women feel threatened et. At the same time there is a large number of women who base what is and isn't acceptable behaviour on whether or not the man is one they fancy. Another very popular forum user answered on a thread the other day about a type of behaviour that (and I'm paraphrasing here) it would be OK if she fancied the guy, if not she would kick him in the balls. If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that is ok for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them. Behaviour is right or wrong, basing your morality, not to mention threats of violence on how your levels of horn are is a massive part of the problem. Mr How did the OP send a signal that it was OK for this guy to message her? She is reacting to something that has already happened. She didn't invite it so I'm not sure how you draw the conclusion that women are responsible for men's behaviour. Mrs TMN x I've not once said women are responsible for men's behaviour and nor have I said the OP sent any signals. I suggest you re-read my post with your biases turned off
Mr
Goodness, no need to roll your eyes and patronise me about biases.
"If women want men to stop behaving in ways that creep them out then they need to stop sending the signal that it is OK for some men to behave like it just so long as they fancy them."
I'm not sure how else to construe that than women (some women) being responsible for men's (some men's) behaviour.
As to you thinking the OP has done that, as this thread is on the topic featuring a specific instance which has happened to her, I don't think it's a huge stretch to think you were applying your statement to her. Granted you didn't specify you were talking about her.
Mrs TMN
That quote in no way implies responsibility. I'm simply saying if women want men to stop behaving in certain ways they need to stop telling some of them it's ok. No one is responsible for how others behave - end of. That said, when man x behaves in a certain way and gets a fuck for his efforts we shouldn't be surprised if man y tries the same tactic. We also shouldn't try and convince man y that his behaviour is wrong when we've just accepted the same behaviour from man x - that is discrimination.
Mr
I can't get past you claiming that if women want men to stop doing x they need to stop telling some of them it's OK. To me that is absolutely laying responsibility with women (some women, some men, some responsibility). I don't think we're going to agree on this.
How about if we get rid of the men and women bit and the bit about sexual attraction and see if this helps?
If members of group z want an arbitrary portion of group x to stop doing action y then I believe members of group z need to stop telling group x it is alright for some of them to ignore the rules that they (group z) expects the rest to follow.
I believe this because the members of group x that are allowed to break the rules will vary depending on which member of group z is asked so the members of group x will have absolutely no idea if they are or are not allowed.
Does that make any more sense?
Mr
Oh, I understand what you're saying perfectly well. I just don't agree.
Jesus. I hope to fuck you never get jury service considering the guilt of an ugly man.
Mr
There's no need to be rude. I've been perfectly civil in this conversation. I'm not sure how you've extrapolated that I excuse bad behaviour from attractive people, as I absolutely do not. I think we'd better leave it here as we clearly disagree.
To be fair that’s exactly what I gathered from your replies. You don’t see an issue with telling attractive people that X is ok for them but it’s harassment/assault for unattractive people
I mean we can leave it there, but I don’t feel you’ve made your stance very clear.
Ah. I need to continue to explain myself to you? When you've been rude and patronising to me more than once?
I think we're done here, thanks.
THIS ONE MESSAGE IS LONGER THAN ALL THE OTHER FEEDS ON FAB PUT TOGETHER"Yay, do I get a prize? | |||
"No worries, it’s a crazy long reply thread so it’s easy to just scroll down and not see who posted. No need to apologise it happens. Done it many times myself " I feel like I've tied myself in knots on this thread
Bullet points for the TL;DR crowd
I don't think pretty people should be excused bad behaviour
I don't think we can justify our own bad behaviour by saying "but so-and-so did it and it was OK"
I don't think women should be held responsible for policing mens' behaviour
I accept the world is not black and white and many people exercise their various kinds of privileges on a daily basis to get what they want
I can only be responsible for my own behaviour
Over and out!
Mrs TMN | |||
"Would your reaction have been the same as in your words OP he had been an "old letch"???" I probably would have ignored the text and blocked. I don’t think I’d have reported it until he’d have really gone out of his way to make me uncomfortable. Say, ring me and turning up at my place or texting incessantly when I told him no. | |||
 I feel like I opened a can of worm here | |||
" I feel like I opened a can of worm here "I believe you did lol | |||
"I can’t make my mind up . It’s not very professional but then again people meet in all walks of life. I really don’t know.
Hope that helps
Haha to be fair, I always find it more complicated when I meet someone organically like that (or like the young cafe guy from last month ) , because somewhere down the line, I’ll have to tell him the shocking news ….. and that gives me anxiety
But anyway.
Ah of course. That must be difficult if you get negative reactions xx"what shocking news? I think a lot of things are how it’s done rather than the thing itself. If you feel it’s ok then go for it! | |||
" I feel like I opened a can of worm here "You opened a relevant and interesting debate which hopefully has helped people think more clearly on boundaries, and personal responsibilities. | |||
" I feel like I opened a can of worm here "I think its OK as long as the worms found you attractive though | |||
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" As for professionalism, he’s not done with while employed by you. If the move is done then so is the contract. " He used a piece of protected data to contact a client, for personal reasons. In doing so, he breached GDPR regulations. When the contract ends, the data remains protected. How are people not seeing the problem with this and the mixed signals in some responses? | |||
" As for professionalism, he’s not done with while employed by you. If the move is done then so is the contract. He used a piece of protected data to contact a client, for personal reasons. In doing so, he breached GDPR regulations. When the contract ends, the data remains protected. How are people not seeing the problem with this and the mixed signals in some responses?" Because apparently he was "young and good looking" | |||
" He used a piece of protected data to contact a client, for personal reasons. In doing so, he breached GDPR regulations. When the contract ends, the data remains protected. How are people not seeing the problem with this and the mixed signals in some responses? Because apparently he was "young and good looking"" Ahhh, of course! I missed that paragraph when reading the GDPR information! | |||
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"X" Ya what? | |||
" As for professionalism, he’s not done with while employed by you. If the move is done then so is the contract. He used a piece of protected data to contact a client, for personal reasons. In doing so, he breached GDPR regulations. When the contract ends, the data remains protected. How are people not seeing the problem with this and the mixed signals in some responses?" Was that not covered y’day? | |||
"In Manchesters local paper there’s been a recent story about a Curry’s delivery driver (young guy) who was stalking two women. One of them had her boyfriend answer the messages and post it online. In my opinion it’s unprofessional and wrong to use customer data in that way. Fine if you deliver something and you get an instant rapport with that person that results in a date or relationship. But contacting out of the blue, using a phone number provided for business reasons, should always be investigated and if proven disciplinary action taken. " I mean he hasn’t gone as far as stalking me as of yet, or in the proper sense of what is considered stalking. The number, yes he knew because of work, but I did text him before to tell him exactly how to find the new place, then I guess he ceased an opportunity afterwards to try see if he could get me out I see all points btw x | |||
"It’s how we used to meet before the internet; chance meetings. It wasn’t all done in pubs. People we met in the day to day course of our lives. He sent you a complimentary message showing restraint and respect. If you like him, then great. If you don’t, remember that it probably took him a lot of guts to write that so a polite thanks but no sounds appropriate. " | |||
"In Manchesters local paper there’s been a recent story about a Curry’s delivery driver (young guy) who was stalking two women. One of them had her boyfriend answer the messages and post it online. In my opinion it’s unprofessional and wrong to use customer data in that way. Fine if you deliver something and you get an instant rapport with that person that results in a date or relationship. But contacting out of the blue, using a phone number provided for business reasons, should always be investigated and if proven disciplinary action taken. I mean he hasn’t gone as far as stalking me as of yet, or in the proper sense of what is considered stalking. The number, yes he knew because of work, but I did text him before to tell him exactly how to find the new place, then I guess he ceased an opportunity afterwards to try see if he could get me out I see all points btw x" Anyway…. Enough with the boring serious stuff. Have you fked him yet? Are ya gonna? Or is this all hot air and vanity? | |||
"In Manchesters local paper there’s been a recent story about a Curry’s delivery driver (young guy) who was stalking two women. One of them had her boyfriend answer the messages and post it online. In my opinion it’s unprofessional and wrong to use customer data in that way. Fine if you deliver something and you get an instant rapport with that person that results in a date or relationship. But contacting out of the blue, using a phone number provided for business reasons, should always be investigated and if proven disciplinary action taken. I mean he hasn’t gone as far as stalking me as of yet, or in the proper sense of what is considered stalking. The number, yes he knew because of work, but I did text him before to tell him exactly how to find the new place, then I guess he ceased an opportunity afterwards to try see if he could get me out I see all points btw x Anyway…. Enough with the boring serious stuff. Have you fked him yet? Are ya gonna? Or is this all hot air and vanity? "Ill let you guys wonder the rest 
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"Besides, is it any more inappropriate for someone doing work for you to ask you out, than a total stranger doing the same in the street,a bar or over the gherkins in tesco" The main issue is that thid guy has broken data protection laws to ask a customer out. Not quite the same. | |||
"So if the problem is he met you will working, does that mean you would report someone that asked you out if they worked in the same company as you? " Colleagues and clients are different. Data laws wouldn't be an issue between same-company colleagues. | |||
"It’s unprofessional but not illegal… it becomes illegal if the contact continues and it’s unwanted " No, it's illegal. | |||
"It’s actually illegal " Using the phone number in that way? Completely agreed. Showing my age here, but if you fancy a woman, maybe just ask her out when you meet her instead of texting later? | |||
"In Manchesters local paper there’s been a recent story about a Curry’s delivery driver (young guy) who was stalking two women. One of them had her boyfriend answer the messages and post it online. In my opinion it’s unprofessional and wrong to use customer data in that way. Fine if you deliver something and you get an instant rapport with that person that results in a date or relationship. But contacting out of the blue, using a phone number provided for business reasons, should always be investigated and if proven disciplinary action taken. I mean he hasn’t gone as far as stalking me as of yet, or in the proper sense of what is considered stalking. The number, yes he knew because of work, but I did text him before to tell him exactly how to find the new place, then I guess he ceased an opportunity afterwards to try see if he could get me out I see all points btw x" If you didn’t mind the contact, then no harm done. But there is no way he should have used your contact info in this way, it is a clear GDPR breach and he could get himself snd his company in serious shit if he continues doing this. | |||
