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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm very new to this world and have some doubts and concerns. I have come to this in a new relationship, he is already an established member of the swinging community and is introducing me to it slowly. My main fear is trust. Having been in an abusive "vanilla" relationship for many years I find that trust is a big issue for me so I'm wondering what people's _iews are, is it possible to trust because there are obviously some very happy couples on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you are already having doubts and concerns maybe you should not be here. If your relationship is new surely you should take time to establish it first before swinging |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
do you want to do it
do you want to do it for him
do you want to do it together
are you confident in your relationship and getting to know each other, have you spoken to him and asked if he will give up swinging if there is ever a point you decide against it, or vice versa.
it must be at your pace..... I note you said slowly, but it must be YOURS.
all the very best to you both, much happiness together whatever you decide to do.
and welcome |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Take it one step at a time, at your own pace, do what you want to do, be honest about your feelings and opinions, and make sure peeps know the meaning of no means no.
Whenever I have a set back, I would retreat to the comfort of my own home and familiar surroundings.
In time, I would come out of my shell again.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fab is like a candy shop ..... all is on offer and its up to you what you pick and mix ... and Trust and things if not strong and together can tear you a part and being open about how you feel to each other helps . When you cant do that you know something is wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm very new to this world and have some doubts and concerns. I have come to this in a new relationship, he is already an established member of the swinging community and is introducing me to it slowly. My main fear is trust. Having been in an abusive "vanilla" relationship for many years I find that trust is a big issue for me so I'm wondering what people's _iews are, is it possible to trust because there are obviously some very happy couples on here."
Take things at your own pace, don't feel pushed into doing anything you don't want to or when you are not ready and have fun.
Start with a few social meets and go from there is a good starting point and have fun.  |
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By *empnbunkCouple
over a year ago
south coast |
"do you want to do it
do you want to do it for him
do you want to do it together
are you confident in your relationship and getting to know each other, have you spoken to him and asked if he will give up swinging if there is ever a point you decide against it, or vice versa.
it must be at your pace..... I note you said slowly, but it must be YOURS.
all the very best to you both, much happiness together whatever you decide to do.
and welcome"
 what he said |
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The only person you need to trust is yourself and your own feelings and fears, as long as you listen to your "little me", you won't go far wrong, in my experience most members of the swinging community are more trustworthy than outside it, although like in any society, it has its portion of bad sheep.
welcome to fab, hugz n stuff, xxx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"doh!!!! black sheep of course (idiot)  "
lol not sheep again i keep reading sheep here on fab .. people can be like sheep at times . I own some thay live out with my horses ... 4 girls one boy ... he only head putt me last week , as i was sorting jumps out .. lol |
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"doh!!!! black sheep of course (idiot) lol not sheep again i keep reading sheep here on fab .. people can be like sheep at times . I own some thay live out with my horses ... 4 girls one boy ... he only head putt me last week , as i was sorting jumps out .. lol "
oh, you mean sheeple!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honesty is such an important part of trust, your new fella has been honest with you about his lifestyle and deserves credit for that. Hopefully you're being honest with him about any concerns you may have.
Good luck to you both, I hope you're in the early stages of a lovely relationship.
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Welcome. Talk, talk and talk some more.
I was introduced to this by someone telling me he would 'protect me' the first time I went to a club. I had no idea what he meant at the time. He did make me feel protected that first time and that meant I tried other things. It look me about a year before I found what works for me and what doesn't. Sometimes I am ready to try something new and other times I want things in my comfort zone. Listen to your inner voice. It's not a competition or a numbers game and if you don't enjoy something just stop doing it or change it so that you do enjoy it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Wow thank you everyone for your sage advice. I am being very open about my concerns and fears with him and he respects this. I also do very much give him credit for being open and honest about this aspect of his life, he could have hidden it and I'd have been none the wiser. I'm just worried there is an ulterior motive for wanting a "girlfriend" as I've noticed that single men don't seem to get far on here and are treated somewhat like pariahs. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Wow thank you everyone for your sage advice. I am being very open about my concerns and fears with him and he respects this. I also do very much give him credit for being open and honest about this aspect of his life, he could have hidden it and I'd have been none the wiser. I'm just worried there is an ulterior motive for wanting a "girlfriend" as I've noticed that single men don't seem to get far on here and are treated somewhat like pariahs."
I'm sending you a message. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you are already having doubts and concerns maybe you should not be here. If your relationship is new surely you should take time to establish it first before swinging"
Totally agree |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
There will be guys who hook up with ladies in the hope they swing to increase their chances, I would be a fibber to say otherwise
and there are many, who are in a loving relationship and enjoy the scene together and that brings them even closer.... and that is lovely to see.
I will also be honest on this thread as I was on the other, your partner is a very experienced swinger, knows all the good and bad and should be able to advise. If you are not planning to meet as a single female, nor he as a single mail then IMHO a couple profile would have been better, he could keep his for forum use. That is my opinion and no way suggesting that is right, just my _iew.
Your profile tells me that you were chatting to your partner for a few weeks before meeting up, you met and had a great time.... within days you were on a swingers site and speaking about couple profiles.... then ask about trust and motives. Only the 2 of you can answer that, we can only give our opinions.
My opinion is 'it is very fast and comes across maybe a bit too quick".
No offence to your partner as I have/do consider him a good guy on here and as I said earlier... all the very best to both and do what you do at YOUR pace |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"There will be guys who hook up with ladies in the hope they swing to increase their chances, I would be a fibber to say otherwise
and there are many, who are in a loving relationship and enjoy the scene together and that brings them even closer.... and that is lovely to see.
I will also be honest on this thread as I was on the other, your partner is a very experienced swinger, knows all the good and bad and should be able to advise. If you are not planning to meet as a single female, nor he as a single mail then IMHO a couple profile would have been better, he could keep his for forum use. That is my opinion and no way suggesting that is right, just my _iew.
Your profile tells me that you were chatting to your partner for a few weeks before meeting up, you met and had a great time.... within days you were on a swingers site and speaking about couple profiles.... then ask about trust and motives. Only the 2 of you can answer that, we can only give our opinions.
My opinion is 'it is very fast and comes across maybe a bit too quick".
No offence to your partner as I have/do consider him a good guy on here and as I said earlier... all the very best to both and do what you do at YOUR pace"
The Forum's very own Yoda. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi just checked your profile and your a sub so does'nt the trust already have to be there in place. Ask yourself a few things is this right for YOU. Do YOU want to swing are you doing this to make your master happy.
You got a couples profile but reads as a single lady and one veri from your master x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having looked at your OP and your profile I have to say I think it's going way too fast, and have to ask who is really driving this?
I can only infer from when you joined and verification that he was your first and only meet, now all of a sudden you want all the men and women you can get, and you're getting a couples profile and he's your master.
I'll be honest and say I think you're being led here and just letting him do it. Think you need to step back and look at what/who else is out there before you end up in another problem relationship.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Trust is a very difficult thing to earn, and very easy to lose....
A lot of it is inherrent in the way that you approach life.
Some people will say that they are too trusting, some are the opposite.
Only you can speak for yourself
However, it does sound from your previous experiences, that you need to find that trust again, so I would say, take it slow and easy, and not rush in to things (just as the others have said)
Enjoy what you have right now |
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I agree, your couples profile does sound like a singles profile.
Some words of advice, do things because YOU want to and for You.
I don't know the guy in question, none of us do, only you can answer the trust in your situation.
Spend time getting to know each other first, know your limits, both as a single woman and as part of a couple.
No disresepct meant but don't jump from the fryng pan into the fire. Take your time |
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I share the concerns some of the other posters have. If this is all genuine, you have just come out of an abusive relationship to be the 'slave' to a new guy, who writes a verification saying he abused you all night. You may be totally up for it, but I would tend to think a period of independence, finding out what you want, would be my preference, not getting led into a controlled relationship. Good luck. |
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"I've opened a can of worms  "
The thing with asking advice is that you are not always going to get the answer you want or thought you might get.
There is some very good advice on here. Swingers will welcome you with open arms if it's the life style for you. However they just want you to look inside and decide what YOU truely want. Most people on here are honest and will say what needs to be said even though it's not always easy to say...
Take your time a choose what makes you happy. If your partner is the right one he will wait and then respect your choice... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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He is being very supportive and the advice on here is exactly what I was expecting, already assumed. It's a big transition and it is, as has been pointed out, going very fast. It started as a bit of fun. I like Georgey very much and will talk to him about it all. Thanks everyone |
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By *orkieMan
over a year ago
Who knows |
Probably gonna get slated for this big style but hey ho.... You say that you were in an abusive vanilla relationship but now you are doing the whole Master / sub thing. Isnt that out of the frying pan into the fire. Is that what YOU want or is it what the GUY wants
Just kinda smacks of coercion, which to my mind is another form of abuse in itsself. Been in clubs too many times where I have seen guys "nudging/ steering/guiding" their lady into scenarios or situations where the lady is obviously NOT comfortable. Saw it only last week where it was blatently obvious the guy was almost making his lady do things that she was not comfortable with, yes she had taken on more than enough vino collapso/dutch courage and her hands were being placed here there and everywhere by the guy.
To my mind a woman is a walking talking, living breathing thinking INDIVIDUAL, not a piece of meat or someones "property"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He is being very supportive and the advice on here is exactly what I was expecting, already assumed. It's a big transition and it is, as has been pointed out, going very fast. It started as a bit of fun. I like Georgey very much and will talk to him about it all. Thanks everyone"
I will reply properly later. But it's very early days. Perhaps if your submissive look for a mentor. As a sub with more experience will most likely have been there and done that.
Also it's to early to be pushed to far. Trust isn't just given its earned.
But you really do need to talk and talk some more. I don't know much about your dynamic but even for me I feel that it's all to soon. But that's just me. I couldn't give submission to someone that I'd not got to know for sometime first. For us we were friends first. Then fell in love and then developed into our master and slave side. But even now. Master is careful on how far he pushes me.
Part of me wants to warn you to back it off for a bit. Yet I know that despite no experience before my master I just felt submissive to him.
Good luck
Cali |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Probably gonna get slated for this big style but hey ho.... You say that you were in an abusive vanilla relationship but now you are doing the whole Master / sub thing. Isnt that out of the frying pan into the fire. Is that what YOU want or is it what the GUY wants
Just kinda smacks of coercion, which to my mind is another form of abuse in itsself. Been in clubs too many times where I have seen guys "nudging/ steering/guiding" their lady into scenarios or situations where the lady is obviously NOT comfortable. Saw it only last week where it was blatently obvious the guy was almost making his lady do things that she was not comfortable with, yes she had taken on more than enough vino collapso/dutch courage and her hands were being placed here there and everywhere by the guy.
To my mind a woman is a walking talking, living breathing thinking INDIVIDUAL, not a piece of meat or someones "property"
"
I totally agree with this. Women have to go at their own pace and that may be not as exciting for men, but a womans body is her own and its very wrong to push someone into doing sexual things that are out of her comfort zone to please others. |
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