FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Weeding out the sycophants
Weeding out the sycophants
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Confession time... Sometimes when I get the feeling that someone's just blowing smoke up my ass to try and get a shag I'll purposefully send them a bad photo of me and gauge their reaction from there - if they're still acting overly keen I'll know they're probably more of a "any hole is a goal" type person and I'll steer the conversation away from sex until they get bored and it fizzles out.
It makes me feel guilty "testing" people in this way but ultimately better for my confidence and self esteem to only sleep with people genuinely attracted to me. Am I the only one who does this?  |
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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago
Hull |
I haven’t done anything like that but it really puts me off when someone is over the top with compliments. It makes me cringe. I also just assume that they are saying the same to everyone else. It does not help my lack of self esteem it actually has the opposite effect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Very good comment from the couple above me, I have enough pics on my profile, I believe they are not entirely the best of me but they suit this site.. If somebody does not like them /me then I am fine. Also I do agree that some Men don't care a less about what you look like. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just out of curiosity, what is the "good" outcome to this? Would you like them to come back and say something along the lines of "That's not your greatest angle is it?"? 
LvM"
LOL no but there's a difference between "you look great" or "you're beautiful" and "OMG wow you're so sexy, you're one of the most gorgeous women on here" etc, especially when I know the photo makes me look shit
Tbh the ones that genuinely like it will try and keep talking to me about stuff other than sex anyway  it's only when they're being suspiciously complimentary even before having seen my face. |
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I often wonder when I see some forum comments if the sychophant approach actually works to some degree because some people who are guilty of it have numerous verifications.
I've had messages telling me how amazing my profile and pics are but it's very rare that those initial comments are followed by any form of conversation.
It's like fabtag where someone showers you in compliments and runs off expecting you to chase and reciprocate with the smoke blowing.
If I don't I never hear from them again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The face pic I send is an unfiltered, minimal make up one. So if they still like me after that, all good."
Me too! I had a nice posed one of me wearing makeup. But they won't see that person often. So now it's the badly lit, no makeup one.  |
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"I haven’t done anything like that but it really puts me off when someone is over the top with compliments. It makes me cringe. I also just assume that they are saying the same to everyone else. It does not help my lack of self esteem it actually has the opposite effect. "
Agreed.
I know I'm not meeting or anything, but if I was I can guarantee someone that told me I was beautiful would get the shutters pulled down.
Like dude, you don't know me so how can you judge if I'm beautiful or not?
Call me funny, OK, yeah I am. I'll accept that as truth.
Call me unusual, yep, I'll accept that as truth.
But beautiful? Mate, I could have a really ugly soul for all you know so just don't eh.
And ya know what else.
When I'm struggling with self esteem, confidence etc and I've got people telling me this and that, saying I'm these things that I cannot connect with as "me" then it's even more confidence fucking coz they're inadvertently telling me I'm wrong. Wrong? Fuck, what else am I wrong about? Better not trust my own judgement then. Retreat.... retreaaaaaaaat!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I often wonder when I see some forum comments if the sychophant approach actually works to some degree because some people who are guilty of it have numerous verifications.
I've had messages telling me how amazing my profile and pics are but it's very rare that those initial comments are followed by any form of conversation.
It's like fabtag where someone showers you in compliments and runs off expecting you to chase and reciprocate with the smoke blowing.
If I don't I never hear from them again. "
Can we not purely compliment for compliments sake?
I’ve done that before, with no purpose other than to say such and such is cool? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Feels seedy and manipulative
It puts guys that are genuinely interested in a difficult position
Do as you wish, but I feel there’s better ways to handle it "
It is manipulative, I agree.
But then so is telling someone they're more attractive than you really think, in the hopes of scoring a shag. Which I feel happens more often than not in my inbox. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I often wonder when I see some forum comments if the sychophant approach actually works to some degree because some people who are guilty of it have numerous verifications.
I've had messages telling me how amazing my profile and pics are but it's very rare that those initial comments are followed by any form of conversation.
It's like fabtag where someone showers you in compliments and runs off expecting you to chase and reciprocate with the smoke blowing.
If I don't I never hear from them again.
Can we not purely compliment for compliments sake?
I’ve done that before, with no purpose other than to say such and such is cool?"
I think when men do it they're nearly always trying to get in our knickers particularly the opening "WOW!!!" Messages. I've written to men or commented to say how much I like a photo but only those I don't think will come back and ...try to get in my pants. |
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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
Why not just say "sorry, I'm not feeling it" and shut the conversation down. What you view as shit photos, some guys will still enjoy because they were accepting and appreciative of who you are.
This site would be very much simpler if there was less bullshit going both ways between people. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
I always send a photo without make up, and to show how fat I am,so there's no deception and they know what they're getting.
If someone is over-complimentary, and I don't feel he's being genuine I don't feel any attraction anyway.
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Seems a bit game playing for my liking. If I like the look of someone and fancy a fuck then I'll go for it. If I don't then I won't.
I don't really care what their aim is, just my own. If I want more than a one off then I'll assess the situation and see how keen they are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster at 24/01/22 12:26:06]
I think I can guess what you're going to say! "Men can't win"?
He just accidentally double posted that's all.
Some people are so rude  "
It clearly didn't come across but I was being playful. I apologise. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Seems a bit game playing for my liking. If I like the look of someone and fancy a fuck then I'll go for it. If I don't then I won't.
I don't really care what their aim is, just my own. If I want more than a one off then I'll assess the situation and see how keen they are. "
Fair enough.
I think it would just fuck with my head too much to know that the person doesn't really fancy me. I probably have missed out on a lot of opportunities but I guess that's my problem. Could be something to work on this year  |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"It's entirely possible they still find you attractive in what you consider to be a bad photo. I've had it with my partners before when I've hated a photo but to them I look hot. "
I have to agree with this. I rarely have it happen to me if ever but we tend to have this notion that our view of ourselves is the view others should take.
Sure yes, there will be those that will bullshit for a shag but that's just how it is. Different folks! |
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I do wonder if some of this is projecting perhaps? You don't feel like you are deserving of compliments and are on guard to get the rejection in first?
I get it. I hate feeling like people are taking the piss out of me or are going to make me look foolish (I get this kind of flies in the face of my post above.... I'm complicated, sue me ). This is more with people I genuinely like though, not just people I want to have sex with. |
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By *tew008Man
over a year ago
edinburgh |
"It's entirely possible they still find you attractive in what you consider to be a bad photo. I've had it with my partners before when I've hated a photo but to them I look hot.
I have to agree with this. I rarely have it happen to me if ever but we tend to have this notion that our view of ourselves is the view others should take.
Sure yes, there will be those that will bullshit for a shag but that's just how it is. Different folks! "
Yup I’ve never considered a photo of me good, so don’t expect anyone else to either. If someone liked it I’d take them at face value but be suspicious. |
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"It's entirely possible they still find you attractive in what you consider to be a bad photo. I've had it with my partners before when I've hated a photo but to them I look hot. "
Exactly this.
I also think men 'see' women differently (i.e., against how women see themselves or other women).
I call it the Natalie Dormer effect.
M |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
"I send bad pics of me too, well they are not bad pics . They are just pics of me so by default they are bad.
Don't make me tell you off! "
Well now I'm slightly aroused! 
It is true though, well personal opinion true, I just don't really take great face pics of myself. I don't feel I'm unattractive (well sometimes) but I do feel like I'm better looking in person than I am in pics, and they don't do me enough justice.
Not sure if this counts as a thread derail.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To answer your OP, I don't know if you're the only one who does it but it isn't something either of us would consider. As LVM pointed out, there isn't exactly a good outcome. If you've misjudged them then you may well have just put off a nice person, if they're blunt enough to tell you straight you're unlikely to enjoy being told the pic you send is hideous and (as others have said) you don't really know what they find attractive so even if they do compliment you, you haven't learnt anything, they may genuinely like a picture you don't.
That said, if we detect any hint of fake in someone we're talking to or indeed any kind of game playing then the convo will stop pretty rapidly.
Mr |
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"I haven’t done anything like that but it really puts me off when someone is over the top with compliments. It makes me cringe. I also just assume that they are saying the same to everyone else. It does not help my lack of self esteem it actually has the opposite effect. "
What would you consider an over the top compliment?
Isn't beauty in the eye of the beholder?
No wonder men are reticent to approach females these days. Too many contradictions.
I wish you well though of course.
M |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I do wonder if some of this is projecting perhaps? You don't feel like you are deserving of compliments and are on guard to get the rejection in first?
I get it. I hate feeling like people are taking the piss out of me or are going to make me look foolish (I get this kind of flies in the face of my post above.... I'm complicated, sue me ). This is more with people I genuinely like though, not just people I want to have sex with. "
Hmm maybe. It's probably to do with years of being on here/dating apps. When you've got so many people telling you all this complimentary stuff it becomes harder to believe it. Especially when the things that are being complimented are the things you're actively trying to change. And like someone above said, it is actually more damaging to one's self esteem than anything else. |
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"I do wonder if some of this is projecting perhaps? You don't feel like you are deserving of compliments and are on guard to get the rejection in first?
I get it. I hate feeling like people are taking the piss out of me or are going to make me look foolish (I get this kind of flies in the face of my post above.... I'm complicated, sue me ). This is more with people I genuinely like though, not just people I want to have sex with.
Hmm maybe. It's probably to do with years of being on here/dating apps. When you've got so many people telling you all this complimentary stuff it becomes harder to believe it. Especially when the things that are being complimented are the things you're actively trying to change. And like someone above said, it is actually more damaging to one's self esteem than anything else. "
Only if you let it be though. I've been with guys who love my big belly, the rub it and kiss it. Doesn't mean I don't want to change it and if that means they won't like me in the future when it (hopefully) gets smaller then that's fine.
Just acknowledge the compliment but say its not something you like to talk about as it's something you want to change about you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just out of curiosity, what is the "good" outcome to this? Would you like them to come back and say something along the lines of "That's not your greatest angle is it?"?
LvM
LOL no but there's a difference between "you look great" or "you're beautiful" and "OMG wow you're so sexy, you're one of the most gorgeous women on here" etc, especially when I know the photo makes me look shit
Tbh the ones that genuinely like it will try and keep talking to me about stuff other than sex anyway it's only when they're being suspiciously complimentary even before having seen my face. "
Good point.
The best I ever had... I sent my face pic and he didn't comment on it at all, just kept chatting.
We had lots of fun.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hate compliments when we've never met. It's just sycophantic bullshit and I won't meet them.
I meet in person and then we can evaluate attraction from there. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"I hate compliments when we've never met. It's just sycophantic bullshit and I won't meet them.
I meet in person and then we can evaluate attraction from there. "
“Thats a smashing blouse you’ve got on!” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I hate compliments when we've never met. It's just sycophantic bullshit and I won't meet them.
I meet in person and then we can evaluate attraction from there.
“Thats a smashing blouse you’ve got on!”"
*shudder*  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can we not purely compliment for compliments sake?
I’ve done that before, with no purpose other than to say such and such is cool?
No. The penis has spoken!"
Well there’s a dilemma! I normally take the word of the penis very seriously |
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"Confession time... Sometimes when I get the feeling that someone's just blowing smoke up my ass to try and get a shag I'll purposefully send them a bad photo of me and gauge their reaction from there - if they're still acting overly keen I'll know they're probably more of a "any hole is a goal" type person and I'll steer the conversation away from sex until they get bored and it fizzles out.
It makes me feel guilty "testing" people in this way but ultimately better for my confidence and self esteem to only sleep with people genuinely attracted to me. Am I the only one who does this? "
No no no!
Brilliant idea, and I have thousands of really bad photographs of me that will work brilliantly if I adopt this strategy.
Thank you for this brilliant post |
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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago
Hull |
"I haven’t done anything like that but it really puts me off when someone is over the top with compliments. It makes me cringe. I also just assume that they are saying the same to everyone else. It does not help my lack of self esteem it actually has the opposite effect.
What would you consider an over the top compliment?
Isn't beauty in the eye of the beholder?
No wonder men are reticent to approach females these days. Too many contradictions.
I wish you well though of course.
M "
Stunning, gorgeous, hottest woman on fab etc etc. Over the top and frankly cringey when they haven’t even seen my face. Speak to most women on here and we all get the same word and phrases. Change your profile pic and you even get it word for word, from the same person that sent it a couple of days before. Also a lot of women get that but if they reject someone they are suddenly an ugly old dog who nobody would want in the real world.
I’m not saying all complements are bad, just tone it down otherwise it comes across as being disingenuous. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Confession time... Sometimes when I get the feeling that someone's just blowing smoke up my ass to try and get a shag I'll purposefully send them a bad photo of me and gauge their reaction from there - if they're still acting overly keen I'll know they're probably more of a "any hole is a goal" type person and I'll steer the conversation away from sex until they get bored and it fizzles out.
It makes me feel guilty "testing" people in this way but ultimately better for my confidence and self esteem to only sleep with people genuinely attracted to me. Am I the only one who does this? "
Sounds a lot of work and maybe like game playing , I’d just say no. |
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"I haven’t done anything like that but it really puts me off when someone is over the top with compliments. It makes me cringe. I also just assume that they are saying the same to everyone else. It does not help my lack of self esteem it actually has the opposite effect.
What would you consider an over the top compliment?
Isn't beauty in the eye of the beholder?
No wonder men are reticent to approach females these days. Too many contradictions.
I wish you well though of course.
M
Stunning, gorgeous, hottest woman on fab etc etc. Over the top and frankly cringey when they haven’t even seen my face. Speak to most women on here and we all get the same word and phrases. Change your profile pic and you even get it word for word, from the same person that sent it a couple of days before. Also a lot of women get that but if they reject someone they are suddenly an ugly old dog who nobody would want in the real world.
I’m not saying all complements are bad, just tone it down otherwise it comes across as being disingenuous."
I've had a few guys send exactly the same message, months and months apart over the course of 6 years. Do they really think I believe I'm the only person in receipt of it and it fits me so personally and uniquely that they've kept sending it for all these years?
I'm sure people also don't take into account that people do talk. And I have received the same message as my friends whist sat in the same room as them. Now, we can't all individually be the most beautiful woman on fab at the same time now can we?
It's a shame, because it's a line. It's a shame that people get lied to so often they stop trusting and lose their confidence. Don't lie to me to get in my fucking knickers. It's manipulative, incelly and fucking gross. |
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"I haven’t done anything like that but it really puts me off when someone is over the top with compliments. It makes me cringe. I also just assume that they are saying the same to everyone else. It does not help my lack of self esteem it actually has the opposite effect.
What would you consider an over the top compliment?
Isn't beauty in the eye of the beholder?
No wonder men are reticent to approach females these days. Too many contradictions.
I wish you well though of course.
M
Stunning, gorgeous, hottest woman on fab etc etc. Over the top and frankly cringey when they haven’t even seen my face. Speak to most women on here and we all get the same word and phrases. Change your profile pic and you even get it word for word, from the same person that sent it a couple of days before. Also a lot of women get that but if they reject someone they are suddenly an ugly old dog who nobody would want in the real world.
I’m not saying all complements are bad, just tone it down otherwise it comes across as being disingenuous."
When I had a couples profile we would regularly get messages about how stunning she is
She didn’t have pictures of her up
Lots of guys will sing what they need if they think it’ll get them in your pants. But I think they’re better ways to sort out whose who than by being manipulative with sending your worst pics. Plus, way that’s won’t put genuine guys in a difficult position.
An easy one is asking for a social and making it clearly nothing happens on the 1st social. 90% of those types of guys won’t do it. They want to lie their way into a quick shag, not actually turn up to a social with nothing guaranteed |
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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago
Hull |
"I haven’t done anything like that but it really puts me off when someone is over the top with compliments. It makes me cringe. I also just assume that they are saying the same to everyone else. It does not help my lack of self esteem it actually has the opposite effect.
What would you consider an over the top compliment?
Isn't beauty in the eye of the beholder?
No wonder men are reticent to approach females these days. Too many contradictions.
I wish you well though of course.
M
Stunning, gorgeous, hottest woman on fab etc etc. Over the top and frankly cringey when they haven’t even seen my face. Speak to most women on here and we all get the same word and phrases. Change your profile pic and you even get it word for word, from the same person that sent it a couple of days before. Also a lot of women get that but if they reject someone they are suddenly an ugly old dog who nobody would want in the real world.
I’m not saying all complements are bad, just tone it down otherwise it comes across as being disingenuous.
When I had a couples profile we would regularly get messages about how stunning she is
She didn’t have pictures of her up
Lots of guys will sing what they need if they think it’ll get them in your pants. But I think they’re better ways to sort out whose who than by being manipulative with sending your worst pics. Plus, way that’s won’t put genuine guys in a difficult position.
An easy one is asking for a social and making it clearly nothing happens on the 1st social. 90% of those types of guys won’t do it. They want to lie their way into a quick shag, not actually turn up to a social with nothing guaranteed "
Yes as I said in the very first line of this post, I haven’t done anything like that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I haven’t done anything like that but it really puts me off when someone is over the top with compliments. It makes me cringe. I also just assume that they are saying the same to everyone else. It does not help my lack of self esteem it actually has the opposite effect.
Agreed.
I know I'm not meeting or anything, but if I was I can guarantee someone that told me I was beautiful would get the shutters pulled down.
Like dude, you don't know me so how can you judge if I'm beautiful or not?
Call me funny, OK, yeah I am. I'll accept that as truth.
Call me unusual, yep, I'll accept that as truth.
But beautiful? Mate, I could have a really ugly soul for all you know so just don't eh.
And ya know what else.
When I'm struggling with self esteem, confidence etc and I've got people telling me this and that, saying I'm these things that I cannot connect with as "me" then it's even more confidence fucking coz they're inadvertently telling me I'm wrong. Wrong? Fuck, what else am I wrong about? Better not trust my own judgement then. Retreat.... retreaaaaaaaat!!"
I disagree.....a bit
I find you physically attractive...from your pics but I wouldn't comment on your personality...other then from what I read on here....so is it wrong to message someone and say I think your attractive/beautiful? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I haven’t done anything like that but it really puts me off when someone is over the top with compliments. It makes me cringe. I also just assume that they are saying the same to everyone else. It does not help my lack of self esteem it actually has the opposite effect.
What would you consider an over the top compliment?
Isn't beauty in the eye of the beholder?
No wonder men are reticent to approach females these days. Too many contradictions.
I wish you well though of course.
M
Stunning, gorgeous, hottest woman on fab etc etc. Over the top and frankly cringey when they haven’t even seen my face. Speak to most women on here and we all get the same word and phrases. Change your profile pic and you even get it word for word, from the same person that sent it a couple of days before. Also a lot of women get that but if they reject someone they are suddenly an ugly old dog who nobody would want in the real world.
I’m not saying all complements are bad, just tone it down otherwise it comes across as being disingenuous.
I've had a few guys send exactly the same message, months and months apart over the course of 6 years. Do they really think I believe I'm the only person in receipt of it and it fits me so personally and uniquely that they've kept sending it for all these years?
I'm sure people also don't take into account that people do talk. And I have received the same message as my friends whist sat in the same room as them. Now, we can't all individually be the most beautiful woman on fab at the same time now can we?
It's a shame, because it's a line. It's a shame that people get lied to so often they stop trusting and lose their confidence. Don't lie to me to get in my fucking knickers. It's manipulative, incelly and fucking gross."
I have a good memory so tend to remember people even without having seen their face, and it's so cringey when they clearly forgot the person they were being so complimentary towards a few weeks/months ago. It's even funnier when they're guys that have ghosted or stood me up. Or when it's someone that has sent me abuse and then deleted and recreated their profile.
I agree my technique might not be the best, and it's game-playing, but so is lying to someone to get a few weeks of chat or attention out of them. My method is just a form of self-preservation at this point *shrug*. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If getting in your knickers is as easy as saying your so beautiful then maybe you need more self control? I would take any compliment as just that x
Eh? "
Have I misread a thread again? Lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If getting in your knickers is as easy as saying your so beautiful then maybe you need more self control? I would take any compliment as just that x
Eh? "
Lol that's literally the opposite of what's happening here but okay |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ella and I shared pics with a female half of a couple and her response to mine?
"God, you look really tired"
Now I see that she really liked me. Thanks for clearing that up!
G |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I posted this on a public forum as a "confession" so obviously wasn't expecting everyone to agree, but I guess what I can take away from the responses is that I'm probably jaded by my experiences on here and I should learn to take things at face value and/or not let them affect me so much. Which is easier said than done, but totally fair |
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I just presume that everyone on here (who I don't know well) is blowing smoke, and take any compliment with a massive pinch of salt. Call me cynical if you will, but that approach has always worked for me....even when I was meeting I always preferred to search and approach people myself, which negates the need to figure out if someone is falsely flattering or not. |
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"I often wonder when I see some forum comments if the sychophant approach actually works to some degree because some people who are guilty of it have numerous verifications.
I've had messages telling me how amazing my profile and pics are but it's very rare that those initial comments are followed by any form of conversation.
It's like fabtag where someone showers you in compliments and runs off expecting you to chase and reciprocate with the smoke blowing.
If I don't I never hear from them again.
Can we not purely compliment for compliments sake?
I’ve done that before, with no purpose other than to say such and such is cool?"
I agree completely that we should be able to.
I'm talking about the over the top compliments where people with virtually nothing in their profile are told how amazing they are or every time someone posts in the forums they are told how wonderful they are.
What differentiates a compliment for compliments sake and a sychophantic compliment? Everyone will have their own opinion on that but some people take the quantity over quality approach to giving and receiving compliments. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I often wonder when I see some forum comments if the sychophant approach actually works to some degree because some people who are guilty of it have numerous verifications.
I've had messages telling me how amazing my profile and pics are but it's very rare that those initial comments are followed by any form of conversation.
It's like fabtag where someone showers you in compliments and runs off expecting you to chase and reciprocate with the smoke blowing.
If I don't I never hear from them again.
Can we not purely compliment for compliments sake?
I’ve done that before, with no purpose other than to say such and such is cool?
I agree completely that we should be able to.
I'm talking about the over the top compliments where people with virtually nothing in their profile are told how amazing they are or every time someone posts in the forums they are told how wonderful they are.
What differentiates a compliment for compliments sake and a sychophantic compliment? Everyone will have their own opinion on that but some people take the quantity over quality approach to giving and receiving compliments. "
If anyone refutes your first point, I challenge you to open up a new profile as a single woman with no pics and no bio, then come back and tell me this site isn't 90% of people saying any old shit for a shag.
(Before anyone asks, it's the other 10% I stay on here for) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is a massive difference between compliments and OTT sycophancy. Not sure men realise how OTT some other men can be?
There is "you seem lovely and your photos are fantastic. Gorgeous bum. would you like to chat?" which in my opinion is fine & nice.
"You're a gorgeous kinky princess goddess OMG please reply" is sycophantic. A marriage proposal is sycophantic. Saying a woman is the most gorgeous on the site is sycophantic. These are all messages I've received in the last week. I expect all the women on the thread have received similar. Compliments are nice. Sycophantic hyperbole is  . |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I just presume that everyone on here (who I don't know well) is blowing smoke, and take any compliment with a massive pinch of salt. Call me cynical if you will, but that approach has always worked for me....even when I was meeting I always preferred to search and approach people myself, which negates the need to figure out if someone is falsely flattering or not. "
Yep, I do exactly the same. Also, slight sycophancy here, close your eyes if you're offended - Amber I think you're fantastic.
I don't understand the mind games though. Not in the slightest. It's not a healthy way of beginning a dynamic with a person, regardless of what that is. I can understand not being sure if it's sycophancy, finding it tiring, creepy, boring whatever. But trying to catch people out? I don't get it. |
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"There is a massive difference between compliments and OTT sycophancy. Not sure men realise how OTT some other men can be?
There is "you seem lovely and your photos are fantastic. Gorgeous bum. would you like to chat?" which in my opinion is fine & nice.
"You're a gorgeous kinky princess goddess OMG please reply" is sycophantic. A marriage proposal is sycophantic. Saying a woman is the most gorgeous on the site is sycophantic. These are all messages I've received in the last week. I expect all the women on the thread have received similar. Compliments are nice. Sycophantic hyperbole is . "
I've seen and heard all this before and I agree but the angle I'm coming at it from is that as much of a fab cliche as it may be, sychophancy isn't restricted to men.
My experience are women sending ridiculously over the top compliments out of the blue.
I've had a woman naming me in status updates and commenting on my pics even after I blocked her and she could no longer see them.
I've had another sending messages just saying wow wow wow where have you been hiding and why haven't I seen you before? Nothing wrong with that except it was the third time in 6 weeks.
I can take a compliment as well as the next person and as someone who suffered from low self esteem for 49 years I enjoy compliments now. I have to draw a line though between "nice pics" and a very obvious "now it's your turn to tell me how amazing I am" message.
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Women do it too. I've met girls from Tinder, and they say everything they have to you to get you in bed, and once they have, it fizzles out. It's usually very rich women who just want a bit of fun that particular week. I don't think i'm that bad at sex hahaha.
Maybe I should learn a lesson there. I don't like to judge though, and like to think there are decent people out there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Stunning, gorgeous, hottest woman on fab etc etc. Over the top and frankly cringey when they haven’t even seen my face. Speak to most women on here and we all get the same word and phrases. Change your profile pic and you even get it word for word, from the same person that sent it a couple of days before. Also a lot of women get that but if they reject someone they are suddenly an ugly old dog who nobody would want in the real world.
I’m not saying all complements are bad, just tone it down otherwise it comes across as being disingenuous."
I've certainly experienced this online. Whilst I struggle to graciously accept compliments full stop, it's the over-the-top stuff that's an issue for me. Makes you wary. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is a massive difference between compliments and OTT sycophancy. Not sure men realise how OTT some other men can be?
There is "you seem lovely and your photos are fantastic. Gorgeous bum. would you like to chat?" which in my opinion is fine & nice.
"You're a gorgeous kinky princess goddess OMG please reply" is sycophantic. A marriage proposal is sycophantic. Saying a woman is the most gorgeous on the site is sycophantic. These are all messages I've received in the last week. I expect all the women on the thread have received similar. Compliments are nice. Sycophantic hyperbole is .
I've seen and heard all this before and I agree but the angle I'm coming at it from is that as much of a fab cliche as it may be, sychophancy isn't restricted to men.
My experience are women sending ridiculously over the top compliments out of the blue.
I've had a woman naming me in status updates and commenting on my pics even after I blocked her and she could no longer see them.
I've had another sending messages just saying wow wow wow where have you been hiding and why haven't I seen you before? Nothing wrong with that except it was the third time in 6 weeks.
I can take a compliment as well as the next person and as someone who suffered from low self esteem for 49 years I enjoy compliments now. I have to draw a line though between "nice pics" and a very obvious "now it's your turn to tell me how amazing I am" message.
"
I only wrote it this way because I'm a woman receiving messages from males and because the OP is a woman. I recognise that women can of course be sycophantic too. Bleugh to all of it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I haven’t done anything like that but it really puts me off when someone is over the top with compliments. It makes me cringe. I also just assume that they are saying the same to everyone else. It does not help my lack of self esteem it actually has the opposite effect.
What would you consider an over the top compliment?
Isn't beauty in the eye of the beholder?
No wonder men are reticent to approach females these days. Too many contradictions.
I wish you well though of course.
M
Stunning, gorgeous, hottest woman on fab etc etc. Over the top and frankly cringey when they haven’t even seen my face. Speak to most women on here and we all get the same word and phrases. Change your profile pic and you even get it word for word, from the same person that sent it a couple of days before. Also a lot of women get that but if they reject someone they are suddenly an ugly old dog who nobody would want in the real world.
I’m not saying all complements are bad, just tone it down otherwise it comes across as being disingenuous.
When I had a couples profile we would regularly get messages about how stunning she is
She didn’t have pictures of her up
Lots of guys will sing what they need if they think it’ll get them in your pants. But I think they’re better ways to sort out whose who than by being manipulative with sending your worst pics. Plus, way that’s won’t put genuine guys in a difficult position.
***An easy one is asking for a social and making it clearly nothing happens on the 1st social. 90% of those types of guys won’t do it. They want to lie their way into a quick shag, not actually turn up to a social with nothing guaranteed ***"
***
Exactly what I do. Any sex chat before we neet and I cancel the social. |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
You can read people and what they want through conversations and interactions, without deliberately testing them. Them not wanting to meet in a public place first, or them always reverting to something sexual when you talk about random stuff...that's a direct indication they just want to have sex with you...and if you are not comfortable with that, you can just distance yourself from them. But testing anyone, yes, like others have mentioned, it is slightly manipulative |
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"…if they're still acting overly keen I'll know they're probably more of a "any hole is a goal" type person and I'll steer the conversation away from sex until they get bored and it fizzles out."
There are so many things wrong with this on so many levels.
If you got ten random men from fab to pick “the most gorgeous woman on the site” chances are you would get ten different answers. Different people find different things attractive, be that age, size, race, etc.
But what gets me the most is that you perceive certain OTT compliments as mind games, so respond with a mind game of your own? Mind games are either wrong or not!
I’m not suggesting that the “every hole is a goal” brigade aren’t out in force, but what I would suggest is that there are more reliable and effective ways to separate the genuine from the players. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"…if they're still acting overly keen I'll know they're probably more of a "any hole is a goal" type person and I'll steer the conversation away from sex until they get bored and it fizzles out.
There are so many things wrong with this on so many levels.
If you got ten random men from fab to pick “the most gorgeous woman on the site” chances are you would get ten different answers. Different people find different things attractive, be that age, size, race, etc.
But what gets me the most is that you perceive certain OTT compliments as mind games, so respond with a mind game of your own? Mind games are either wrong or not!
I’m not suggesting that the “every hole is a goal” brigade aren’t out in force, but what I would suggest is that there are more reliable and effective ways to separate the genuine from the players."
It's hardly a mind game to steer the chat away from sex is it.
What would you suggest? |
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"It's hardly a mind game to steer the chat away from sex is it.
What would you suggest? "
No, it isn’t, but that’s not what the OP was suggesting is it? They were suggesting sending uncomplimentary images to test the suitor. That’s a mind game. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's hardly a mind game to steer the chat away from sex is it.
What would you suggest?
No, it isn’t, but that’s not what the OP was suggesting is it? They were suggesting sending uncomplimentary images to test the suitor. That’s a mind game."
We all judge in our own ways. At least the OP was being honest. And if it worked for her, great!
G |
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