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Fear of failure
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"I love it when someone tells me I can't do something, I go all out just to prove them wrong!!"
I'm the same. My manager told me a little while ago, that I'm not capable of being a team Leader, and demoted me. Wasn't a huge issue. Didn't like the job much anyway. What I had an issue with was him telling me I'm not capable of being a team leader, when I've managed teams as a deputy manager, and bigger teams then the one I was leading at the time.
So I put in a lot more effort, increased sales revenue, put more bums on seats, and as a result, he offered me my team leader position back last week.
I said no. I'm making more money being a server, and occasional stand in manager then I did as a team leader. So stuff him!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I fear failing something then that fear doesnt spur me on or hold me back.
It merely produces either relief or disappointment after the event depending on the outcomme. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Was petrified of driving so didnt learn till i was in my late 30's
Passed first time.
now all i have to do is pluck up the courage to start training to be a midwife |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love it when someone tells me I can't do something, I go all out just to prove them wrong!!
I'm the same. My manager told me a little while ago, that I'm not capable of being a team Leader, and demoted me.
So I put in a lot more effort, increased sales revenue, put more bums on seats, and as a result, he offered me my team leader position back last week.
"
Does that not tell you something then?
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love it when someone tells me I can't do something, I go all out just to prove them wrong!!"
I use reverse psycology here a lot living in a totally male environment lol  and the other one that works here is if u dont do it properly the first time then u have to keep doing it til u do get it right - then u can have the job as your so good at it!!!! lol  |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Feel the fear and do it anyway... all very well but we all have something we shy away from.
This is all very cryptic, come on now, spill the beans , what's up sugar?  "
It was the 1:1 on R4 this morning. It got me thinking about how fear of failure can affect your life and wondered what others thought.
Personally, I am always waiting to be found out. I'm really lazy so I try and do things efficiently and effectively (hence the name). My work productivity tends to be quite high simply because I am lazy and fear failing at work.
I also fear failing at relationships (you know the ones) so I don't have them.
What's the difference? Emotionally it is still a fear of failure.
I didn't mean for this to be about me but about how we, as a people, manage this fear. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I love it when someone tells me I can't do something, I go all out just to prove them wrong!!
I'm the same. My manager told me a little while ago, that I'm not capable of being a team Leader, and demoted me. Wasn't a huge issue. Didn't like the job much anyway. What I had an issue with was him telling me I'm not capable of being a team leader, when I've managed teams as a deputy manager, and bigger teams then the one I was leading at the time.
So I put in a lot more effort, increased sales revenue, put more bums on seats, and as a result, he offered me my team leader position back last week.
I said no. I'm making more money being a server, and occasional stand in manager then I did as a team leader. So stuff him!!! "
That's a really interesting tale. Thanks for sharing. What have you learnt about yourself, and your manager, as part of this experience? |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"It sounds to me like you are super self critical and if you just gave yourself half a chance and said, yes I am good at this, then your fears could slowly drift away, x "
If that was for me, then yes I am overly analytical about everything. I believe I have posted before that I am thinking of setting up OverThinkers Anonymous. |
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What did I learn about myself? That I don't put enough effort in unless I'm forced to, or judged unfairly. I regarded the job as beneath me if I'm honest, when I should have just been grateful to have a job.
What did I learn about my manager? That he's a bit of a wanker that judges too rashly. He's an old school manager that doesn't really realise that if you treat your staff with respect, then they'll work harder and produce better results for you. And that different management skills are a blessing, not a conflict. |
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"What did I learn about myself? That I don't put enough effort in unless I'm forced to, or judged unfairly. I regarded the job as beneath me if I'm honest, when I should have just been grateful to have a job.
What did I learn about my manager? That he's a bit of a wanker that judges too rashly. He's an old school manager that doesn't really realise that if you treat your staff with respect, then they'll work harder and produce better results for you. And that different management skills are a blessing, not a conflict. "
But did you not work harder and get more sales??? sound's like the manager knew you better than you think hun, x |
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I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing......Only I will remain. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"What did I learn about myself? That I don't put enough effort in unless I'm forced to, or judged unfairly. I regarded the job as beneath me if I'm honest, when I should have just been grateful to have a job.
What did I learn about my manager? That he's a bit of a wanker that judges too rashly. He's an old school manager that doesn't really realise that if you treat your staff with respect, then they'll work harder and produce better results for you. And that different management skills are a blessing, not a conflict. "
The key to most leadership is understanding what motivates each individual. That does not mean you should not treat staff with respect but, as Ruby says below, he found the trigger to motivate you. You thought the job was beneath you and that will have come out in your performance. Once you valued the job, for whatever reason, he was willing to give you the leadership role.
Do you think your time as Games Maker helped to re-shape your motivations? |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing......Only I will remain."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fave quote long winded.so partial quote.very potent..Mariane williamson.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? |
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Not fear of failure. If someone has no faith in me to do something then that makes me do it. Hasnt happened since i lived with the first guy and when i was at school.
I used to get called stupid all the while, so i went and got three A levels all A's. That proved them wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend to take a measured approach to most things.
Nothing to do with failure (or the fear of it) but rather getting to a place where I want to be.
That doesn't mean that I am blind to other possibilities and blinkered in my approach though.
If I can see I am getting nowhere, I will leave it alone and try another avenue.
Sometimes you get there, sometimes you don't. It is really that simple. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I tend to take a measured approach to most things.
Nothing to do with failure (or the fear of it) but rather getting to a place where I want to be.
That doesn't mean that I am blind to other possibilities and blinkered in my approach though.
If I can see I am getting nowhere, I will leave it alone and try another avenue.
Sometimes you get there, sometimes you don't. It is really that simple."
And a very sane approach. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Not fear of failure. If someone has no faith in me to do something then that makes me do it. Hasnt happened since i lived with the first guy and when i was at school.
I used to get called stupid all the while, so i went and got three A levels all A's. That proved them wrong"
The views of others can colour our own perceptions. I'm glad you saw beyond them. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
" Fave quote long winded.so partial quote.very potent..Mariane williamson.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? "
A useful quote to remember. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does it stop you doing things or spur you on to try your best?"
.
I would argue that often the fear of failure isn't a conscious feeling. I would say I have no fear a failure and try lots of different things all the time but who is to say that deep down a fear doesn't drive me to do or not do things. |
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"What did I learn about myself? That I don't put enough effort in unless I'm forced to, or judged unfairly. I regarded the job as beneath me if I'm honest, when I should have just been grateful to have a job.
What did I learn about my manager? That he's a bit of a wanker that judges too rashly. He's an old school manager that doesn't really realise that if you treat your staff with respect, then they'll work harder and produce better results for you. And that different management skills are a blessing, not a conflict.
The key to most leadership is understanding what motivates each individual. That does not mean you should not treat staff with respect but, as Ruby says below, he found the trigger to motivate you. You thought the job was beneath you and that will have come out in your performance. Once you valued the job, for whatever reason, he was willing to give you the leadership role.
Do you think your time as Games Maker helped to re-shape your motivations?"
Interestingly, this is what my manager said. He said I came back a different person. I'm not entirely sure what changed, but I think I came back with more "bollocks" I guess is the best way to put it. I suppose when you tell a Princess she can't have a hot drink in the stands, you can tell almost anyone anything!!! |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"What did I learn about myself? That I don't put enough effort in unless I'm forced to, or judged unfairly. I regarded the job as beneath me if I'm honest, when I should have just been grateful to have a job.
What did I learn about my manager? That he's a bit of a wanker that judges too rashly. He's an old school manager that doesn't really realise that if you treat your staff with respect, then they'll work harder and produce better results for you. And that different management skills are a blessing, not a conflict.
The key to most leadership is understanding what motivates each individual. That does not mean you should not treat staff with respect but, as Ruby says below, he found the trigger to motivate you. You thought the job was beneath you and that will have come out in your performance. Once you valued the job, for whatever reason, he was willing to give you the leadership role.
Do you think your time as Games Maker helped to re-shape your motivations?
Interestingly, this is what my manager said. He said I came back a different person. I'm not entirely sure what changed, but I think I came back with more "bollocks" I guess is the best way to put it. I suppose when you tell a Princess she can't have a hot drink in the stands, you can tell almost anyone anything!!! "
Another leadership skill. Keep developing those bollocks. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Depends on what the challenge is about. Fear of failure has never put me off trying something but then I am a bit of a risk taker naturally.
So I d say I would give it my best shot! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I really want to do something then I will. I have retrained 3 times in my career, each time studying and gaining qualifications. I love learning something new, I thrive on it but I have a tendency to get itchy feet when I've been in the same role for a few years.
I have been in my new role for just over 3 months and I've certainly learnt a lot but it is certainly an extremely stressful role. I knew it would be, I come home tired and wondering how I'm going to solve each dilemma.
I'm absolutely loving it. For all those who dream about training for specific roles - would say go for it
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Actually Iconic just made me think that I also have completely changed careers several times and done the required training as I, too get bored after a number of years doing the same thing. I guess that means a natural disposition to accepting new and unknown challenges! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i have never had a fear of failure in my life
I got pregnant at 16 by the time i was 18 i had two kids, thro all that i still finshed school and went to uni, i was determined i wasnt going to be a unemplyed single mum living on benifits, i finished uni and got a job, i started at the bottom and worked my way up to the top, ive spend most of my life single, working and bringing up my kids alone, ive never lived on benifits or relyed on anyone else for help in bringing up my kids
My lifes been quite hard to be honest, no voilins please lol but it is hard being a single, working teenage mum but i made my bed and i laid in it
I now have a very good job that i work hard to get and 3 beautiful girls who i raised and looked after alone
because i knew what i wanted in life and i wasnt going to stop till i got it
i've always said to my kids you can be anything you want if you work for it and i truely believe that
no such word as cant, cant usually means cant be arsed |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"i have never had a fear of failure in my life
I got pregnant at 16 by the time i was 18 i had two kids, thro all that i still finshed school and went to uni, i was determined i wasnt going to be a unemplyed single mum living on benifits, i finished uni and got a job, i started at the bottom and worked my way up to the top, ive spend most of my life single, working and bringing up my kids alone, ive never lived on benifits or relyed on anyone else for help in bringing up my kids
My lifes been quite hard to be honest, no voilins please lol but it is hard being a single, working teenage mum but i made my bed and i laid in it
I now have a very good job that i work hard to get and 3 beautiful girls who i raised and looked after alone
because i knew what i wanted in life and i wasnt going to stop till i got it
i've always said to my kids you can be anything you want if you work for it and i truely believe that
no such word as cant, cant usually means cant be arsed "
Respect where it is due - bringing up kids on your own is hard when you dont have to worry about money, bringing up more than one on llimited means is a real challenge! Well done, you! |
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"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing......Only I will remain."
Dune? |
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"It's interesting to see so many women posting. Strong women.
My yoga teacher told me that there is no such word as 'try' in Thai. You either do it or you don't."
You sure it wasn't Yoda? "Do, or do not. There is no try."
 |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"It's interesting to see so many women posting. Strong women.
My yoga teacher told me that there is no such word as 'try' in Thai. You either do it or you don't.
You sure it wasn't Yoda? "Do, or do not. There is no try."
"
There is no greater sage than Yoda. |
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By *irtydanMan
over a year ago
Blackpool |
"I love it when someone tells me I can't do something, I go all out just to prove them wrong!!
I'm the same. My manager told me a little while ago, that I'm not capable of being a team Leader, and demoted me. Wasn't a huge issue. Didn't like the job much anyway. What I had an issue with was him telling me I'm not capable of being a team leader, when I've managed teams as a deputy manager, and bigger teams then the one I was leading at the time.
So I put in a lot more effort, increased sales revenue, put more bums on seats, and as a result, he offered me my team leader position back last week.
I said no. I'm making more money being a server, and occasional stand in manager then I did as a team leader. So stuff him!!! "
well done you |
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My only real fear of failing would be to those I love. Life is too short to commit to things I don't love, so as long as I don't fail with those the rest doesn't really matter xx
And you ladies are an inspiration! As _icketysplits said strong women...
We will rule the world lol  |
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