FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > I need a 'get a fucking grip' slap.
I need a 'get a fucking grip' slap.
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I read one bloody text and now I'm grumpy and angry with myself.
I've known a really lovely man for many years now and we have mutual friends so our paths cross.
I fell for him years ago (he's loved up) and every time I think I'm fine, I realise I'm not and for some reason today's innocent and innocuous message has made me rage with myself...again!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a horrible feeling to have. You think your ok with it and have come to terms with it then a message or an old memory opens the floodgates again.
It's near impossible to shake it off indefinitely.  |
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"It's a shit feeling, I've been there too
Hope you're ok x "
Shit, isn't it.
I'm ok really, just bloody mad at myself!
I'm glad I'm not at work, someone would have incurred my wrath and I'd be in tears. |
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"It's a horrible feeling to have. You think your ok with it and have come to terms with it then a message or an old memory opens the floodgates again.
It's near impossible to shake it off indefinitely. "
Noooooo!!!!! It needs to go, it's blocking me. |
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By *TK421-Man
over a year ago
Cheltenham |
Yep, fallen for my best friend and unrequited love was painful.
Started the long journey to get over her but she's had a bad break up and is leaning on me for support. It's hard.
I think the best advice I can give you is to focus your attention on someone else. While you are sat there thinking of them constantly you've nothing else to focus on.
Might be why I've come back on here actually now I think of it.....
I'm sure there are plenty of folks here who would give you the support you need.
All the best  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Also been there and it’s horrible, it’s like I turned into an ugly monster version of myself , whenever I thought I’d be totally fine, something would trigger me and I’d not be fine with it. And I’d get frustrated and hurt, the best thing in the end was to cut ties and I THINK I am over that person now, tho I must say I don’t want them back in case I go back to that version of myself.
Point being, be kind to yourself x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Y'all need to stop hugging me!
It's lovely but need shaking by the shoulders a la Airplane. Queue up everyone. "
Would that really help though?
When I feel shit I wallow in it. Drag myself right down and it gets it out of my system for a while. Hope you feel better tomorrow after a sleep. |
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Hi Topsy
This has happened to me and I can empathise with the pain it can cause, I couldn’t handle it and I asked the person to stop messaging me after explaining that my feelings would not diminish and that cursed cup of hope would fill every time they messaged, though I knew 100% that their message would be innocent.
However they would keep messaging, asking how I was and in the end I found a way to stop them asking, it wasn’t nice (though not horrendous) and I did warn them what I would do if they persisted and I think they thought I was joking, so kept messaging, until I responded as I said I would.
It’s been quiet these last 3 months since. Topsy the only way I could deal with this was to walk away completely with bridges afire behind me. Now I can heal. I’m not saying that’s what you should do, but I hope you can find a way to quiet your hopeful heart. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Hi Topsy
This has happened to me and I can empathise with the pain it can cause, I couldn’t handle it and I asked the person to stop messaging me after explaining that my feelings would not diminish and that cursed cup of hope would fill every time they messaged, though I knew 100% that their message would be innocent.
However they would keep messaging, asking how I was and in the end I found a way to stop them asking, it wasn’t nice (though not horrendous) and I did warn them what I would do if they persisted and I think they thought I was joking, so kept messaging, until I responded as I said I would.
It’s been quiet these last 3 months since. Topsy the only way I could deal with this was to walk away completely with bridges afire behind me. Now I can heal. I’m not saying that’s what you should do, but I hope you can find a way to quiet your hopeful heart. "
Could you not just block them from messaging? |
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"Y'all need to stop hugging me!
It's lovely but need shaking by the shoulders a la Airplane. Queue up everyone.
Would that really help though?
When I feel shit I wallow in it. Drag myself right down and it gets it out of my system for a while. Hope you feel better tomorrow after a sleep. "
I really am the sort that needs that, sympathy makes me soooo dragged down.
I need someone to laugh at my daft rant about it. |
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"Y'all need to stop hugging me!
It's lovely but need shaking by the shoulders a la Airplane. Queue up everyone. "
Been there too... My advice would be head up,shoulders back,tits out and block any contact with him until you can think of him and not have "the feels" as they say!! Come on girl,your a strong independent woman,head wobble and crack on with being the fabulous you you are!! |
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"Hi Topsy
This has happened to me and I can empathise with the pain it can cause, I couldn’t handle it and I asked the person to stop messaging me after explaining that my feelings would not diminish and that cursed cup of hope would fill every time they messaged, though I knew 100% that their message would be innocent.
However they would keep messaging, asking how I was and in the end I found a way to stop them asking, it wasn’t nice (though not horrendous) and I did warn them what I would do if they persisted and I think they thought I was joking, so kept messaging, until I responded as I said I would.
It’s been quiet these last 3 months since. Topsy the only way I could deal with this was to walk away completely with bridges afire behind me. Now I can heal. I’m not saying that’s what you should do, but I hope you can find a way to quiet your hopeful heart.
Could you not just block them from messaging?"
Work colleague I am afraid, they would have access through other means. But yes. They are blocked on my phone |
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"Hi Topsy
This has happened to me and I can empathise with the pain it can cause, I couldn’t handle it and I asked the person to stop messaging me after explaining that my feelings would not diminish and that cursed cup of hope would fill every time they messaged, though I knew 100% that their message would be innocent.
However they would keep messaging, asking how I was and in the end I found a way to stop them asking, it wasn’t nice (though not horrendous) and I did warn them what I would do if they persisted and I think they thought I was joking, so kept messaging, until I responded as I said I would.
It’s been quiet these last 3 months since. Topsy the only way I could deal with this was to walk away completely with bridges afire behind me. Now I can heal. I’m not saying that’s what you should do, but I hope you can find a way to quiet your hopeful heart. "
Nailed it! 'Hopeful heart' is exactly it and I thank you for naming it.
I'm so sorry it came to that for you, I really hope the bridges burn to mere ash on the wind. |
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"Y'all need to stop hugging me!
It's lovely but need shaking by the shoulders a la Airplane. Queue up everyone.
Been there too... My advice would be head up,shoulders back,tits out and block any contact with him until you can think of him and not have "the feels" as they say!! Come on girl,your a strong independent woman,head wobble and crack on with being the fabulous you you are!! "
You got it right there and I can feel the blissful sting.
Tits up, grin on, striding forward. |
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By *ildcardMan
over a year ago
Near and Far |
Even though you're standing by your decision to let him go, you need to be firm with yourself and shake those shoulders. 6 years is nothing, time is nothing. It's not a case of how long, it's how well you're doing.
Something to consider is that he might be emotionally piggy banking you also. |
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"Even though you're standing by your decision to let him go, you need to be firm with yourself and shake those shoulders. 6 years is nothing, time is nothing. It's not a case of how long, it's how well you're doing.
Something to consider is that he might be emotionally piggy banking you also."
He's not, he doesn't have a scooby about how I feel about him, it's just friend stuff. |
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Right. Given the 6 years, your thread title and assuming he has not tried to subtly keep things alive...
Clear sense you are annoyed at your own reaction (6 years!) so rather than more "luv you hun" a different tack.
People go through the grief cycle (for want of better phrase) and you seem to have short circuited on the anger that pushes you back to loss.Do not answer in forum but consider the following.
Rather than undying unrequited love for him were there *other* things at the time you experienced that may have linked to him in your mind, kids/parental loss/housing etc
What is happening today outside his note - similarities of situation, personality, frustration?
Is he your kryptonite? Have you allowed yourself to create/indulge him with such a power? Does he know? - sometimes we allow our normally controlled selves an outlet for the irrational. The more controlled the greater the need for antithesis. Fab and BDSM is full of it.
Finally... If it was love, and he keeps burning you with innocent contacts - Stop the contacts - take positive action rather than apathetic attrition. This cycle periodically consumes you so treat it like an infection, cure and dont keep stick your hand back in the cess pit
Be happy
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"Y'all need to stop hugging me!
It's lovely but need shaking by the shoulders a la Airplane. Queue up everyone.
Been there too... My advice would be head up,shoulders back,tits out and block any contact with him until you can think of him and not have "the feels" as they say!! Come on girl,your a strong independent woman,head wobble and crack on with being the fabulous you you are!!
You got it right there and I can feel the blissful sting.
Tits up, grin on, striding forward."
you go girl... Show him what he missed out on!! : |
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"Right. Given the 6 years, your thread title and assuming he has not tried to subtly keep things alive...
Clear sense you are annoyed at your own reaction (6 years!) so rather than more "luv you hun" a different tack.
People go through the grief cycle (for want of better phrase) and you seem to have short circuited on the anger that pushes you back to loss.Do not answer in forum but consider the following.
Rather than undying unrequited love for him were there *other* things at the time you experienced that may have linked to him in your mind, kids/parental loss/housing etc
What is happening today outside his note - similarities of situation, personality, frustration?
Is he your kryptonite? Have you allowed yourself to create/indulge him with such a power? Does he know? - sometimes we allow our normally controlled selves an outlet for the irrational. The more controlled the greater the need for antithesis. Fab and BDSM is full of it.
Finally... If it was love, and he keeps burning you with innocent contacts - Stop the contacts - take positive action rather than apathetic attrition. This cycle periodically consumes you so treat it like an infection, cure and dont keep stick your hand back in the cess pit
Be happy
"
I was extremely kind of you to post that, thank you for thinking of me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You think you have it bad. I've just spent 20 bloody minutes trying to get a duvet into the cover.
Tried the inside out thing and stood on the end of the bed to give extra height. Half way through while I'm ranting a friend called asking what time I'm picking her up. She just laughed at me. Now the label on the duvet is at the pillow side.
I'll finish it later, or bin the damn thing.
If you have any spare slaps, send one my way.
Don't really know the answer but hope I gave a smile. |
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"You think you have it bad. I've just spent 20 bloody minutes trying to get a duvet into the cover.
Tried the inside out thing and stood on the end of the bed to give extra height. Half way through while I'm ranting a friend called asking what time I'm picking her up. She just laughed at me. Now the label on the duvet is at the pillow side.
I'll finish it later, or bin the damn thing.
If you have any spare slaps, send one my way.
Don't really know the answer but hope I gave a smile. "
It sure did, thank you |
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"Y'all need to stop hugging me!
It's lovely but need shaking by the shoulders a la Airplane. Queue up everyone.
Been there too... My advice would be head up,shoulders back,tits out and block any contact with him until you can think of him and not have "the feels" as they say!! Come on girl,your a strong independent woman,head wobble and crack on with being the fabulous you you are!!
You got it right there and I can feel the blissful sting.
Tits up, grin on, striding forward."
Tits up Topsy is a great name for a support group that meets with wine, wry smiles and a 'p...ed off mentality  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Y'all need to stop hugging me!
It's lovely but need shaking by the shoulders a la Airplane. Queue up everyone.
Been there too... My advice would be head up,shoulders back,tits out and block any contact with him until you can think of him and not have "the feels" as they say!! Come on girl,your a strong independent woman,head wobble and crack on with being the fabulous you you are!!
You got it right there and I can feel the blissful sting.
Tits up, grin on, striding forward.
Tits up Topsy is a great name for a support group that meets with wine, wry smiles and a 'p...ed off mentality "
I like that, I would join |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a shit feeling, I've been there too
Hope you're ok x
Shit, isn't it.
I'm ok really, just bloody mad at myself!
I'm glad I'm not at work, someone would have incurred my wrath and I'd be in tears."
Dont be mad at yourself - your human. Its ok! do something nice and pamper your self being cross with your feelings will not change them xx. big hugs xx  |
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"Did he know how much you'd fallen for him?
What's really eating you up about him?
He has no idea and I will never tell him."
There has never been anything better you?
You say he is loved up...has that always been the case?
I hope you manage to get your head around things xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ahhh this sucks, its something that cant be acted on without heartbreak, anger or upset to someone... tricky triangle.
Only me! Nobody else knows.
"
Is he happy in his relationship? |
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"Ahhh this sucks, its something that cant be acted on without heartbreak, anger or upset to someone... tricky triangle.
Only me! Nobody else knows.
Is he happy in his relationship? "
Absolutely.
It's only me that has an issue and it's mine to deal with, he's a lovely friend.
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