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Couples that don’t fight/argue….
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I just read something that said “couples that don’t fight don’t have intimacy”
It was saying they aren’t invested in each other.
I have no opinion on this really yet, but I’d be interested in whether people feel this is true? |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I don’t know about the non intimacy, I always thought it was just because one was more fiery than the other and the other capitulated to the other for the sake of a quiet life.
Food for thought indeed really! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don’t know about the non intimacy, I always thought it was just because one was more fiery than the other and the other capitulated to the other for the sake of a quiet life.
Food for thought indeed really!"
Indeed. I’m really not sure where I am on this one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We rarely argue. We have disagreements but never actual fights and we certainly don’t lack intimacy.
In a previous relationship I had we argued nonstop and said it was because we were “passionate” about each other. It took me meeting my wife to realise that was all BS. |
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"I just read something that said “couples that don’t fight don’t have intimacy”
It was saying they aren’t invested in each other.
I have no opinion on this really yet, but I’d be interested in whether people feel this is true?"
I’ve said this for years to me if a couple don’t argue, there’s no passion or desire there! Arguements are healthy |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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I'm not sure. Part of me thinks maybe? But another part thinks it's like the idea that being jealous shows you care. Different people have different ways of handling situations. It doesn't mean the spark is any less there because there's not the fireworks of dramatics to go with it. I don't know.  |
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I think it depends what they mean. I've had relationships where we never argued but we did get upset/hurt/annoyed by things but we always had a discussion rather than an argument. I think if everything is rosey all the time then either someone is just sucking things up or there's something missing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it depends what they mean. I've had relationships where we never argued but we did get upset/hurt/annoyed by things but we always had a discussion rather than an argument. I think if everything is rosey all the time then either someone is just sucking things up or there's something missing. "
What I read said, there is no arguing because there is no emotional intimacy or investment, and it shows a lack of care.
I know this isn’t true in some cases, like when there is good open and honest communication, but for some…..? |
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I think if you've come from a background where fighting/arguing was common you're inclined to try and avoid it in your own relationships.
I also think that people have very widely differing views on what intimacy is and how it's expressed. |
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"I think it depends what they mean. I've had relationships where we never argued but we did get upset/hurt/annoyed by things but we always had a discussion rather than an argument. I think if everything is rosey all the time then either someone is just sucking things up or there's something missing.
What I read said, there is no arguing because there is no emotional intimacy or investment, and it shows a lack of care.
I know this isn’t true in some cases, like when there is good open and honest communication, but for some…..?"
I think that in a relationship that previously involved arguing but now doesn't it can show that indifference has developed but it can also show that over time you've worn the sharp edges off of each other. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it depends what they mean. I've had relationships where we never argued but we did get upset/hurt/annoyed by things but we always had a discussion rather than an argument. I think if everything is rosey all the time then either someone is just sucking things up or there's something missing.
What I read said, there is no arguing because there is no emotional intimacy or investment, and it shows a lack of care.
I know this isn’t true in some cases, like when there is good open and honest communication, but for some…..?
I think that in a relationship that previously involved arguing but now doesn't it can show that indifference has developed but it can also show that over time you've worn the sharp edges off of each other. "
Both your comments make sense, thank you  |
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Again varied definitions of arguing/fighting … healthy disagreements are ok, but full on nuclear arguments are far from healthy, especially if they are frequent… doesn’t mean you don’t give a shit to not want to punch someone’s lights out on a regular basis… quite subjective because it depends what you class as an argument…
Mrs x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just read something that said “couples that don’t fight don’t have intimacy”
It was saying they aren’t invested in each other.
I have no opinion on this really yet, but I’d be interested in whether people feel this is true?"
It feels like something an abusive person would say to excuse their bad behaviour in a relationship. |
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"I just read something that said “couples that don’t fight don’t have intimacy”
It was saying they aren’t invested in each other.
I have no opinion on this really yet, but I’d be interested in whether people feel this is true?"
I’d say couples that don’t fight have respect for one another - intimacy depends on their interaction with each other.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I just read something that said “couples that don’t fight don’t have intimacy”
It was saying they aren’t invested in each other.
I have no opinion on this really yet, but I’d be interested in whether people feel this is true?
It feels like something an abusive person would say to excuse their bad behaviour in a relationship. "
Hmm, you make a good point. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I just read something that said “couples that don’t fight don’t have intimacy”
It was saying they aren’t invested in each other.
I have no opinion on this really yet, but I’d be interested in whether people feel this is true?
I’d say couples that don’t fight have respect for one another - intimacy depends on their interaction with each other.
"
This makes sense. |
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"I think if you've come from a background where fighting/arguing was common you're inclined to try and avoid it in your own relationships.
I also think that people have very widely differing views on what intimacy is and how it's expressed."
This. I'm a bit traumatised if I'm honest from some past experiences and shouting mostly just makes me shut down. Even without that, I don't feel like arguments often achieve anything productive, they're usually just a venting of emotion. The bit that's actually helpful is when you calm down and actually calmly and rationally deal with the issue afterwards. Some people need the argument to get things out in the open which is fair but if you don't and can just skip to the talking part then I don't see how that can mean a lack of intimacy. Personally I'm quite a word vomitter and I'll randomly just blurt it all out  . |
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"I just read something that said “couples that don’t fight don’t have intimacy”
It was saying they aren’t invested in each other.
I have no opinion on this really yet, but I’d be interested in whether people feel this is true?
It feels like something an abusive person would say to excuse their bad behaviour in a relationship. "
This! An abusive ex of mine tried to justify the shit show that was our relationship as "passion"  . |
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By *rad670Man
over a year ago
South Lakes |
"I just read something that said “couples that don’t fight don’t have intimacy”
It was saying they aren’t invested in each other.
I have no opinion on this really yet, but I’d be interested in whether people feel this is true?"
I can unfortunately confirm it as true, in 20 years never had more than a few words with raised voices let alone an argument and sadly the intimacy is increasingly diminishing as the years pass, maybe we just need a big argument and she'll fuck me into an early grave |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Her ladyship and I very very rarely argue and we're certainly not short of intimacy. We do however resolve issues pretty much as soon as they arise. We both prefer to resolve problems without arguing.
My previous marriage had virtually no arguments and for most of it very little then no intimacy. The only time we around have an upset would be when I brought up the lack of intimacy. Not sure if there's a correlation or not.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My last relationship was 13 years, and to be honest we never argued. We had zero intimacy and zero love. It was a waste of 1/3 of my life really. Can't complain, I've got 2 great bairns from it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What constitutes a fight or argument though? I'd say me and Mr never fight or argue - unless me complaining about his atrocious time keeping skills is arguing?
Definitely no intimacy lost here  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My last relationship was 13 years, and to be honest we never argued. We had zero intimacy and zero love. It was a waste of 1/3 of my life really. Can't complain, I've got 2 great bairns from it."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was with my ex for 20 plus years and I never argued with him, it was a pointless exercise.
Me and M do argue but they are short lived and it gets sorted quickly."
angry sex ?  |
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I can't remember the last time we argued. We have intimacy. I don't see how the two are connected to be honest.
From March 2020 to Sept 2021, we not only lived in the same house and had little to no social contact with anyone else, but also worked FT from home for the same organisation and had a 4yo at home FT for 4 of those months. Mr KC and I did not argue or fall out with each other. We lived and worked very harmoniously together. Most people don't believe me when I say that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mr and I don't argue really. If something is annoying either one of us then there can be a brief and rather heated exchange ("dolly bastard......cheeky cunt...). Then he usually apologises when he's wanting his balls drained. Couldn't be doing with full on fights all the time. So stressful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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After over 25 years we’ve kind of gotten used to each other
Intimacy is there without doubt.
We do occasionally argue about the mundane stuff but it’s fleeting and never in public.
I guess we’re just as one these days and both know the other always has our back in any situation.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After over 25 years we’ve kind of gotten used to each other
Intimacy is there without doubt.
We do occasionally argue about the mundane stuff but it’s fleeting and never in public.
I guess we’re just as one these days and both know the other always has our back in any situation.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My mum and dad were married from 1968 to my dad's death in 2018 and they never - as far as I'm aware and most close to them back this up - ever had a cross word let alone a 'fight' as it were. Never. Yet they were very invested in each other. So, I'm sure your statement is true for some couples. But certainly not all. |
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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I just read something that said “couples that don’t fight don’t have intimacy”
It was saying they aren’t invested in each other.
I have no opinion on this really yet, but I’d be interested in whether people feel this is true?"
Don’t agree. The wife and I get on each other’s tits every now and again, usually end up snapping at each other and huffing off for a while. Intimacy is long gone, though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After over 25 years we’ve kind of gotten used to each other
Intimacy is there without doubt.
We do occasionally argue about the mundane stuff but it’s fleeting and never in public.
I guess we’re just as one these days and both know the other always has our back in any situation.
"
This sounds just a little bit perfect. |
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By *osineCouple
over a year ago
Weston-Super-Mare |
Me and Hubby have never argued, yes we have annoyed one another. For us though, we listen as the other one talks and we take responsibility for our own feelings.
If he has upset me that is on me, not him and visa versa. Neither of us would intentionally hurt the other one |
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"After over 25 years we’ve kind of gotten used to each other
Intimacy is there without doubt.
We do occasionally argue about the mundane stuff but it’s fleeting and never in public.
I guess we’re just as one these days and both know the other always has our back in any situation.
This sounds just a little bit perfect. "
How does it? Mr KC and I are similar (see above). People don't believe us when we say we don't fight and argue  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After over 25 years we’ve kind of gotten used to each other
Intimacy is there without doubt.
We do occasionally argue about the mundane stuff but it’s fleeting and never in public.
I guess we’re just as one these days and both know the other always has our back in any situation.
This sounds just a little bit perfect.
How does it? Mr KC and I are similar (see above). People don't believe us when we say we don't fight and argue "
I think JAG is meaning its perfect in a lovely sense |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"After over 25 years we’ve kind of gotten used to each other
Intimacy is there without doubt.
We do occasionally argue about the mundane stuff but it’s fleeting and never in public.
I guess we’re just as one these days and both know the other always has our back in any situation.
This sounds just a little bit perfect. "
It does |
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I really think it depends on communication skills.
It’s really difficult to be able to say how you are feeling without the other person taking it as criticism to some extent. Of course learning not to invalidate someone’s feelings is also critical.
Beard |
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"After over 25 years we’ve kind of gotten used to each other
Intimacy is there without doubt.
We do occasionally argue about the mundane stuff but it’s fleeting and never in public.
I guess we’re just as one these days and both know the other always has our back in any situation.
This sounds just a little bit perfect.
How does it? Mr KC and I are similar (see above). People don't believe us when we say we don't fight and argue
I think JAG is meaning its perfect in a lovely sense "
Ahhhhhhhhhh. I didn't read into the comment that way, sorry  |
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By *not123Couple
over a year ago
sp1 |
"I really think it depends on communication skills.
It’s really difficult to be able to say how you are feeling without the other person taking it as criticism to some extent. Of course learning not to invalidate someone’s feelings is also critical.
Mine just doesn't talk or listen to me anymore lol
Beard"
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