FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > My faith is a little restored :)
My faith is a little restored :)
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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After hearing from multiple male friends about how isolating it can be for men on here, I've decided to make more of an effort recently in replying to messages even if just to say a quick no thanks. I'm not hitting 100% of them but definitely making a more conscious attempt. The main reason I was reluctant to do this is obviously the anticipation of abuse, and since I uploaded pics from much less carefully considered angles yesterday I was truly afraid it would invite more unwarranted negative comments on my body.
In the past week or so I've only had one bad reaction (which was really easy to laugh at and brush off) but other than that everyone has been really courteous and I think mostly just appreciative of having their messages acknowledged. It's very easy to forget that it really is just the few bad experiences that stick in your mind and make you feel like everyone is going to react badly, but in reality most of us on here are just normal, respectful people (fuck, that sounds stupid when I say it out loud!).
I realise this may not be everyone's experience and acknowledge that many people do receive abuse; this is based on my recent experiences. But it has been a little relieving, not gonna lie. So yeah, thanks for being nice  |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South |
My overall message experience has been very positive on here. I do try to respond to most messages (albeit not always promptly) but I’ve noticed that most men are just glad to receive a response.
I get loads of “thank you for replying” added on to the end of their messages, whether it’s even in response to a no thanks, they’re just glad to be acknowledged.
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Well that’s nice, lots of guys would just like a polite no thanks sometimes.
Out of interest, do you block them after to stop repeat messages? I’d imagine it’s impossible to keep up with who messaged and I think messaging again after a polite no thanks is very rude |
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There are some lovely men on here. I always try to reply to everyone, even if it's just to say thanks but no thanks.
95% of the men have always been polite, it's just the 5% that turn abusive when I say I'm not interested.
I think quite a few appreciate the interaction, regardless or whether it will ever turn into a meet. Some are lonely and some just like the chat and banter, and some even ask me for advice, which I do try my best to help with.
It costs nothing to be nice.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My overall message experience has been very positive on here. I do try to respond to most messages (albeit not always promptly) but I’ve noticed that most men are just glad to receive a response.
I get loads of “thank you for replying” added on to the end of their messages, whether it’s even in response to a no thanks, they’re just glad to be acknowledged.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I really like sending messages. Missy of the time it’s to compliment someone about themselves or their profile. Rarely do I actually make an approach. I like to chat to people harmlessly…sometimes you hope it could lead to a social or something but if not then it’s just nice to connect with people.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well that’s nice, lots of guys would just like a polite no thanks sometimes.
Out of interest, do you block them after to stop repeat messages? I’d imagine it’s impossible to keep up with who messaged and I think messaging again after a polite no thanks is very rude "
I don't block the first time but if they repeat then yeah. As a site supporter I can see previous messages right in the message thread and it also says on their profile if they've messaged before, but I do generally have a good memory for faces and names. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South |
"Interesting as I try to answer most messages and this too is my experience. Then I read about all the women who have negative reactions and I'm confused."
Same. Although to be fair I don’t get 100’s of messages a day like they seem to, so I guess the chance of an abusive one would be lower maybe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After hearing from multiple male friends about how isolating it can be for men on here, I've decided to make more of an effort recently in replying to messages even if just to say a quick no thanks."
Ya doing God's work, sweetness x |
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"Well that’s nice, lots of guys would just like a polite no thanks sometimes.
Out of interest, do you block them after to stop repeat messages? I’d imagine it’s impossible to keep up with who messaged and I think messaging again after a polite no thanks is very rude
I don't block the first time but if they repeat then yeah. As a site supporter I can see previous messages right in the message thread and it also says on their profile if they've messaged before, but I do generally have a good memory for faces and names."
Ahhh ok that makes sense. Yeah if someone’s given you a polite no thanks then shouldn’t message again
Very nice of you to try it out. As you and other have says, a lot of guys are very well versed in rejection and take no offence by it, especially when it comes with a polite message
Good for you, very happy to see that |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well that’s nice, lots of guys would just like a polite no thanks sometimes.
Out of interest, do you block them after to stop repeat messages? I’d imagine it’s impossible to keep up with who messaged and I think messaging again after a polite no thanks is very rude
I don't block the first time but if they repeat then yeah. As a site supporter I can see previous messages right in the message thread and it also says on their profile if they've messaged before, but I do generally have a good memory for faces and names.
Ahhh ok that makes sense. Yeah if someone’s given you a polite no thanks then shouldn’t message again
Very nice of you to try it out. As you and other have says, a lot of guys are very well versed in rejection and take no offence by it, especially when it comes with a polite message
Good for you, very happy to see that "
So there's two types of repeat messages:
1. Messaging to say you're the most amazing creature they've ever seen, you say no thanks and then they message again a few days later having obviously completely forgotten about the best thing they'd supposedly ever seen, or
2. The ones that incessantly want reasons as to why you don't want to sleep with them. I do admit I have less patience for these  I think just because if someone rejects me I assume they don't fancy me and that's all there is to it. But them asking me why feels like I'm being made to justify not being attracted to someone.
I'm glad you're happy, although it is weird to see you praising me   |
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"Well that’s nice, lots of guys would just like a polite no thanks sometimes.
Out of interest, do you block them after to stop repeat messages? I’d imagine it’s impossible to keep up with who messaged and I think messaging again after a polite no thanks is very rude
I don't block the first time but if they repeat then yeah. As a site supporter I can see previous messages right in the message thread and it also says on their profile if they've messaged before, but I do generally have a good memory for faces and names.
Ahhh ok that makes sense. Yeah if someone’s given you a polite no thanks then shouldn’t message again
Very nice of you to try it out. As you and other have says, a lot of guys are very well versed in rejection and take no offence by it, especially when it comes with a polite message
Good for you, very happy to see that
So there's two types of repeat messages:
1. Messaging to say you're the most amazing creature they've ever seen, you say no thanks and then they message again a few days later having obviously completely forgotten about the best thing they'd supposedly ever seen, or
2. The ones that incessantly want reasons as to why you don't want to sleep with them. I do admit I have less patience for these I think just because if someone rejects me I assume they don't fancy me and that's all there is to it. But them asking me why feels like I'm being made to justify not being attracted to someone.
I'm glad you're happy, although it is weird to see you praising me "
Praise given where praise is due and it’s just nice to see people treating the single guys of fabs like humans for once
And I completely get not replying too, I follow the “deleted = not interested”
But seriously, a nice no thanks message makes all the difference.
I hope your good will isn’t abused by some of the bad apples! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well that’s nice, lots of guys would just like a polite no thanks sometimes.
Out of interest, do you block them after to stop repeat messages? I’d imagine it’s impossible to keep up with who messaged and I think messaging again after a polite no thanks is very rude
I don't block the first time but if they repeat then yeah. As a site supporter I can see previous messages right in the message thread and it also says on their profile if they've messaged before, but I do generally have a good memory for faces and names.
Ahhh ok that makes sense. Yeah if someone’s given you a polite no thanks then shouldn’t message again
Very nice of you to try it out. As you and other have says, a lot of guys are very well versed in rejection and take no offence by it, especially when it comes with a polite message
Good for you, very happy to see that
So there's two types of repeat messages:
1. Messaging to say you're the most amazing creature they've ever seen, you say no thanks and then they message again a few days later having obviously completely forgotten about the best thing they'd supposedly ever seen, or
2. The ones that incessantly want reasons as to why you don't want to sleep with them. I do admit I have less patience for these I think just because if someone rejects me I assume they don't fancy me and that's all there is to it. But them asking me why feels like I'm being made to justify not being attracted to someone.
I'm glad you're happy, although it is weird to see you praising me "
Oh I forgot the ones that don't forget you, you've explained to them they're not your type but yet they keep trying. Must be gluttons for punishment  |
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I tend to reply if someone has made an effort and it's not overly crude. I tend not to know what to say if it's very crude. They're often not long messages, such as sorry not currently meeting or just a thank you if they like a photo for example.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend to reply, more often than not.
Sometimes there are abusive replies, though I care not, rejection hurts the weak.
It's easier at the moment with our profile stance, but even then I can be replying to a dozen messages daily. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find when I reply saying I'm not interested in a nice way but thanking them for the message. I always get a reply thanking me for replying "
Nice a polite, nothing wrong with that at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think with guys messaging women you need to leave you’re ego at the door and accept that women get 100+ messages. So if you take offence that you’re not a woman’s preference then you kinda have to take it on the chin.
We all write our profiles to advertise ourselves and what we like/don’t like. So with that in mind just because your preference is X it doesn’t mean that X’s preference in you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Well that’s nice, lots of guys would just like a polite no thanks sometimes.
Out of interest, do you block them after to stop repeat messages? I’d imagine it’s impossible to keep up with who messaged and I think messaging again after a polite no thanks is very rude
I don't block the first time but if they repeat then yeah. As a site supporter I can see previous messages right in the message thread and it also says on their profile if they've messaged before, but I do generally have a good memory for faces and names.
Ahhh ok that makes sense. Yeah if someone’s given you a polite no thanks then shouldn’t message again
Very nice of you to try it out. As you and other have says, a lot of guys are very well versed in rejection and take no offence by it, especially when it comes with a polite message
Good for you, very happy to see that
So there's two types of repeat messages:
1. Messaging to say you're the most amazing creature they've ever seen, you say no thanks and then they message again a few days later having obviously completely forgotten about the best thing they'd supposedly ever seen, or
2. The ones that incessantly want reasons as to why you don't want to sleep with them. I do admit I have less patience for these I think just because if someone rejects me I assume they don't fancy me and that's all there is to it. But them asking me why feels like I'm being made to justify not being attracted to someone.
I'm glad you're happy, although it is weird to see you praising me
Praise given where praise is due and it’s just nice to see people treating the single guys of fabs like humans for once
And I completely get not replying too, I follow the “deleted = not interested”
But seriously, a nice no thanks message makes all the difference.
I hope your good will isn’t abused by some of the bad apples! "
It's not that I've ever viewed men on here as "not human", it's that being a bigger woman on here you kind of learn to treat everyone guilty until proven innocent, as far as abusive messages go. Which is a real shame. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
This is lovely OP.
I tend to have a replying session every week or so - I've yet to receive an abusive or negative message bar one, the only one I have ever had after ten years on here has been linked to my forum posting. Absolutely zero apart from that.
The majority of men on here are lovely and if you don't have all your filters open, there aren't too many to reply to. It's nice to acknowledge men when I have the headspace. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think with guys messaging women you need to leave you’re ego at the door and accept that women get 100+ messages. So if you take offence that you’re not a woman’s preference then you kinda have to take it on the chin.
We all write our profiles to advertise ourselves and what we like/don’t like. So with that in mind just because your preference is X it doesn’t mean that X’s preference in you. "
Yes I honestly message loads of guys too, and go through the same rejections and having my messages ignored etc. It stings a little at first but personally it's easy to get over. But I guess on the flip side I do receive more messages than probably most single guys get, so there is a sense of equilibrium there too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think with guys messaging women you need to leave you’re ego at the door and accept that women get 100+ messages. So if you take offence that you’re not a woman’s preference then you kinda have to take it on the chin.
We all write our profiles to advertise ourselves and what we like/don’t like. So with that in mind just because your preference is X it doesn’t mean that X’s preference in you.
Yes I honestly message loads of guys too, and go through the same rejections and having my messages ignored etc. It stings a little at first but personally it's easy to get over. But I guess on the flip side I do receive more messages than probably most single guys get, so there is a sense of equilibrium there too. "
Yes of course, I think I see a lot of guys post on forums about how they’re hard done by and no one gives them the time of day etc but I always keep in mind that everyone has their own thing so if at some point you’re matches up with someone then great…if not then keep trying.
Also I do think that a lot of guys first come on here and think it’s pick someone, fuck and then on to the next when actually it’s anything but. |
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By *ty31Man
over a year ago
NW London |
As OP said it's easy for a few bad experiences to sour one's opinion.
The majority of people on here are very nice and very respectful, sadly it's often the (very few) negative experiences that are most memorable and most influential.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is lovely OP.
I tend to have a replying session every week or so - I've yet to receive an abusive or negative message bar one, the only one I have ever had after ten years on here has been linked to my forum posting. Absolutely zero apart from that.
The majority of men on here are lovely and if you don't have all your filters open, there aren't too many to reply to. It's nice to acknowledge men when I have the headspace. "
That's because no one could ever have anything bad to say about you Meli, you gorgeous velvet-voiced goddess 
(yes I know how unbelievably sycophantic that sounded, and no I'm not sorry ) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My overall message experience has been very positive on here. I do try to respond to most messages (albeit not always promptly) but I’ve noticed that most men are just glad to receive a response.
I get loads of “thank you for replying” added on to the end of their messages, whether it’s even in response to a no thanks, they’re just glad to be acknowledged.
"
Yep, I get a lot of "thank you for replying", "no worries", "that's a shame" etc. Also a lot of just deleting the message and not replying (which is absolutely fine!). To be fair I think I've had more random abuse in my time on here than abuse after having rejected someone. It all sticks just the same though |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"There are some lovely men on here. I always try to reply to everyone, even if it's just to say thanks but no thanks.
95% of the men have always been polite, it's just the 5% that turn abusive when I say I'm not interested.
I think quite a few appreciate the interaction, regardless or whether it will ever turn into a meet. Some are lonely and some just like the chat and banter, and some even ask me for advice, which I do try my best to help with.
It costs nothing to be nice.
"
I do try and point people looking for advice to the forums. I don't think the onus should really be on any one individual to help others succeed on here, and anyway who's to say I've got the winning formula? |
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