FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Looking for other peoples opinion

Looking for other peoples opinion

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So I’m looking for other peoples opinion on a situation.

We are on here as a couple and got involved with a guy as a three. For months all has gone well with Mrs p going seeing this person at a club for 1-2-1 meets and us having a few 3 ways etc.

Chat between us has always been on WhatsApp and I have always insisted as it being as a 3 and no private messages between anyone as I’m not comfortable with it and believe it should be kept in our group chat.

I found out a few months ago Mrs P and said person had been privately messaging out of the group. I mentioned I wasn’t comfortable with it and asked to keep it to the group which was agreed by all.

Just before Xmas the same issue occurred and we all agreed that it was to be kept in the group chat, today I have also seen it’s been going on.

So that’s 3 times in the space of 2 months it’s happened and now Mrs p is saying I’m being unreasonable as I have cancelled our meeting tonight with the said person due to not trusting them.

Mrs p stance is it’s just messages to boost her confidence and doesn’t see the issue as I’m happy for him to sleep with her normally.

Am I being un-reasonable or would you cancel a meeting with someone who three times has done something you found disrespectful?

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

It’s never unreasonable to have boundaries

It becomes unreasonable when you try to control someone

Explain your boundaries and be firm

If they don’t go with it, leave them

You can’t control others. Only yourself

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

If you have a boundary that is repeatedly ignored it's reasonable to take action to enforce it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I mean I’m no expert, but it sounds to me like they have strayed into emotional affair territory ... as opposed to it just being about sex.

I would imagine that this is a risk you take in your situation. Hope you manage to sort it out with everyone

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By *etcplCouple over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

[Removed by poster at 08/01/22 15:23:21]

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By *etcplCouple over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I don’t see it as being unreasonable. Its disrespectful of him to continue chatting in private, despite knowing your wishes.

Keeping to peoples boundaries is important.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I mean I’m no expert, but it sounds to me like they have strayed into emotional affair territory ... as opposed to it just being about sex.

I would imagine that this is a risk you take in your situation. Hope you manage to sort it out with everyone

I’d tend to agree with this

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

I don't see why messages to boost her confidence can't be done in the group chat. I would be annoyed by repeated private messaging.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don’t see it as being unreasonable. Its disrespectful of him to continue chatting in private, despite knowing your wishes.

Keeping to peoples boundaries is important. "

Disrespectful of her too i would say

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

King's Crustacean

My knee jerk reaction is that you had NO right to cancel the meeting and that you are controlling BUT ......

Do let me re read and think.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't see why messages to boost her confidence can't be done in the group chat. I would be annoyed by repeated private messaging. "

This is my opinion also

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

No. Not unreasonable. You had ground rules agreed between you, they should be adhered to.

I would end the dynamic between the three of you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sounds like she is drifting into dangerous territory, had this with last couple involved with started with meets with just the female then a new phone number, had to end when told me she would leave her hubby.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My knee jerk reaction is that you had NO right to cancel the meeting and that you are controlling BUT ......

Do let me re read and think.

I’ve cancelled as a 3 they are open to do as they wish but I won’t play with someone who can’t respect me

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"No. Not unreasonable. You had ground rules agreed between you, they should be adhered to.

I would end the dynamic between the three of you. "

I’ve done this just

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

Also, it's not just him that has been disrespectful.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Also, it's not just him that has been disrespectful. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m with you OP, I’d be unhappy as well.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

King's Crustacean

"My knee jerk reaction is that you had NO right to cancel the meeting and that you are controlling BUT ......

Do let me re read and think.

I’ve cancelled as a 3 they are open to do as they wish but I won’t play with someone who can’t respect me"

Ah .... that's different. I was going to say you can choose to not go but you have no right to cancel what others do.

This is now a bit complicated but I have thought about it and will post my thoughts as you've asked.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Definitely not unreasonable, this would annoy me too. Have you made your concerns clear to Mrs p? As in, not just asking her to stop messaging him privately but explain how it makes you feel?

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By *viatrixWoman over a year ago

Redhill

"I don’t see it as being unreasonable. Its disrespectful of him to continue chatting in private, despite knowing your wishes.

Keeping to peoples boundaries is important.

Disrespectful of her too i would say "

Totally! It is also very disrespectful of her.

3 times in 2 months, OP. I think that gives you a pretty clear idea….

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By *ersey GirlCouple over a year ago

Glasgow

"My knee jerk reaction is that you had NO right to cancel the meeting and that you are controlling BUT ......

Do let me re read and think.

I’ve cancelled as a 3 they are open to do as they wish but I won’t play with someone who can’t respect me"

Can I ask if they are meeting as a 2 how they are going to communicate to make arrangements

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No your not you set boundaries and they not being respected

I would say sit down a talk with wife and also cut ties with 3rd party

He’s shown he can’t respect your boundaries should be a atomic in the bin for him

First rule off being a 3rd is respect the couples boundaries

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/01/22 15:33:36]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thicc and Dieu nailed this - hats off to them

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By *iscean_dreamMan over a year ago

Llanelli

If boundaries have been set then they should always be respected, it's wrong to break them so I think you're right to be pissed and it's happened more than once which is worse

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My knee jerk reaction is that you had NO right to cancel the meeting and that you are controlling BUT ......

Do let me re read and think.

I would only disagree, if this was a prior discussed agreement. I’m which they as a couple set clear boundaries and limits on bringing others in to their dynamic, so their relationship isn’t effected by it.

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By *eyond PurityCouple over a year ago

Lincolnshire

If you have set the boundaries and everyone is happy with that then it’s disrespectful if someone is straying beyond those boundaries.

I wouldn’t be impressed if my partner done this behind my back, in a vanilla or swinging environment.

It’s all about trust and it sounds like yours has been broken.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"My knee jerk reaction is that you had NO right to cancel the meeting and that you are controlling BUT ......

Do let me re read and think.

I’ve cancelled as a 3 they are open to do as they wish but I won’t play with someone who can’t respect me

Can I ask if they are meeting as a 2 how they are going to communicate to make arrangements

Through the group chat still so the 3rd party, her partner, knows what is going on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

you never break the rules you lay down as a couple our motto is we both agree or nothing ie if one wants something/someone and the other dont then thats it end of this have served us well over 28 yrs of swinging .... start breaking rules then the relationship will take a turn for the worse.

op ive had this a few times and ive never needed hubs to get involed im clear from the start to other guys cross the line and your gone nothing is more important to me than him we make a great team and by being a great team swinging has always been easy and dramma free

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

King's Crustacean

O.P.

Here goes........

Firstly no agreement should ever have been entered into. It was a pointless agreement BUT an agreement shouldn't be broken.

I think 'the no private messages' was asked for from either 'fear' or 'jealousy' or 'control' ..... hear me out first...

You are happy for Mrs. P to meet this man alone at a club. Surely you realise that they'd have private conversations there ? Unless fucking in abject silence is their kink.

So what difference does a private message make ?

Do you listen to all Mrs. P's conversations or is it just this man that you object to ? Think about it - there are thoughts going on in your head about this. Either they can meet and fuck or they can't. Your objection , to me, sounds as if you are not truly happy with her meeting him at all.

If I was that bloke .... and I wanted to say something like ... ' I am going to lick and suck your fat juicy tits until you beg me to go down on you then fuck you anally' I would not want another bloke to share the message.

If they are 'getting it on' then flirty or sexy texting before hand might be part of it.

Insisting they don't have a conversation unless you are privvy to it is highly controlling ( in my book ) or maybe as I said earlier you are not really happy with Mrs. P swinging alone.

Bottom line is ..... No agreement should have been broken without someone saying 'this agreement isn't on and i'm breaking it because....

Frankly if my other half did that to me ....... well ..... it's over to you two now.

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By *otshot14Woman over a year ago

nuneaton

I had an open relationship with an ex,and trust was ment to b in it.but for him he couldn't do it.

I would sit her down,say how u feel,ask her how she would feel if u did it.

Then ask her not to have an contact with him for a month and try and work on both of u,if u then feel like its not working for u both.leave,at least u have tried.

Women tend to love with feeling,lust can b very strong thing and make us do something which isn't really us.

Give yourself both time.

But don't blame each other,work on what u both want now.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You’ve set boundaries that all agreed.

Not just once but then agreed upon again after they’ve crossed them.

I personally wouldn’t be happy at all with either of them. 3 times would be excessive for me personally, for them to overstep limits put in place. Be that vanilla or other.

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By *agicM53XMan over a year ago

Orpington

Him not respecting your wishes/boundaries is one thing, but your partner not respecting them is a whole different issue all togheter...they both promised that messages will stay between all 3 of you, butbher breaking that promise is the issue from my pov.

I don't know your situation with her, or your circumstances, but for me that would be a form of betrayal. However this is one of the reason I could/would never have an open relationship... sorry dude, wish I could give a more in depth advice. I think you need to have a serious conversation with her about what you both want ...I see a serious disconnect there

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By *entative_steps7781Couple over a year ago

Home

If S didn't want me to have private conversations with guys that I meet, then there is no way that I would.

That she continues to do so despite you asking her not to is a betrayal of trust in my opinion.

Talk to her, express your feelings and encourage her to do the same.

MJ x

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By *ersey GirlCouple over a year ago

Glasgow

"My knee jerk reaction is that you had NO right to cancel the meeting and that you are controlling BUT ......

Do let me re read and think.

I’ve cancelled as a 3 they are open to do as they wish but I won’t play with someone who can’t respect me

Can I ask if they are meeting as a 2 how they are going to communicate to make arrangements

Through the group chat still so the 3rd party, her partner, knows what is going on. "

So he's going to be on a chat with someone who's crossed the line and broke boundaries then let his partner meet them?

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By *aliceWoman over a year ago

Birmingham

Boundaries are important to adhere to but it's also important that they're reasonable in the first place.

It's difficult to comment fully without knowing what the context of the relationships are meant to be, ie whether this is a poly type setup, just sex or something else but If your partner is frequently meeting this person on a 1 to 1 basis I'm not sure a ban on them communicating privately is realistic or reasonable.

If you're going to have a 3rd party come into your dynamic, particularly one who has diferring relationships and engagements with each of you then it's naive to think that feelings might not come into the equation at some point. My guy reaction to the situation is that yes, boundaries are not being respected but that there are also issues with trust/insecurity from your side.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Pandora’s box has well and truly been opened there.

(Technically it is Pandora’s Jar, but it has been misinterpreted as ‘box’).

Anyway, as the legend says....Pandora opened the Jar out of which all the horrors in life fled out from and into the world (famine, poverty, etc). With all her strength ...she managed to close it but one thing was trapped inside.

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By *parrow77Man over a year ago

cheshire

As others have said I find it rude you set the rules for chats in group chat and he is and has ignored it. Your partner is also at fault as she hasn’t refused his messages and making excuses for it.

Maybe you and partner need have conversation about situation and boundaries set.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd certainly knock it on the head with the fella.

As for your misses, I think you might have bigger problems than you think. She has gone behind your back 3 times, breaking boundaries set in place. How would she feel if the boot was on the other foot?

I suspect she has got emotionally involved with this guy. You need to have a serious and honest chat with her.

Good luck OP

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My knee jerk reaction is that you had NO right to cancel the meeting and that you are controlling BUT ......

Do let me re read and think.

I’ve cancelled as a 3 they are open to do as they wish but I won’t play with someone who can’t respect me

Can I ask if they are meeting as a 2 how they are going to communicate to make arrangements

Through the group chat still so the 3rd party, her partner, knows what is going on.

So he's going to be on a chat with someone who's crossed the line and broke boundaries then let his partner meet them?

This, if your partner truly respected you she would have had your back and pulled up the 3rd party the 1st time he tried to contact her privately and informed you. Once he did it the 2nd time (if he was given a 2nd chance) she should have cut all ties with him as he clearly can't be trusted.

Maybe you partner and this guy have developed feelings for each other?

We only play together as a couple though so maybe a couple who are into separate meets may give better advice.

Let us know how it goes OP.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'd certainly knock it on the head with the fella.

I suspect she has got emotionally involved with this guy. You need to have a serious and honest chat with her.

Good luck OP"

Thank you I’m trying to chat to her and she genuinely doesn’t see what she has done wrong

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd certainly knock it on the head with the fella.

I suspect she has got emotionally involved with this guy. You need to have a serious and honest chat with her.

Good luck OP"

Yep agree with this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For us swinging is about trust and communication. THEY have BOTH broken that trust multiple times.

If this happened to me it would be enough for me to end the arrangement and have serious conversations about our future as a couple.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't think you are unreasonable

It wouldn't have gone past the first 'warning' for me

Boundaries and respect are imperative

My OH is free to meet on his own (as am I), but we still have boundaries - one of them being no multiple meets

I am not arsed at all about his sexual adventures, but emotional bonding with someone else is a threat to our relationship - a relationship that is superb - and I wouldn't want that changing due to one of us getting too close to a 3rd party (and that works both ways)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd certainly knock it on the head with the fella.

I suspect she has got emotionally involved with this guy. You need to have a serious and honest chat with her.

Good luck OP

Thank you I’m trying to chat to her and she genuinely doesn’t see what she has done wrong

Therein lies the problem. I feel for you but its always a risk involving a 3rd party. If my other half was doing that behind my back Im not sure Id want to be with them!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

King's Crustacean

"I don't think you are unreasonable

It wouldn't have gone past the first 'warning' for me

Boundaries and respect are imperative

My OH is free to meet on his own (as am I), but we still have boundaries - one of them being no multiple meets

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"For us swinging is about trust and communication. THEY have BOTH broken that trust multiple times.

If this happened to me it would be enough for me to end the arrangement and have serious conversations about our future as a couple."

Absolutely this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't think you are unreasonable

It wouldn't have gone past the first 'warning' for me

Boundaries and respect are imperative

My OH is free to meet on his own (as am I), but we still have boundaries - one of them being no multiple meets

... and some might say, that he fuck someone repeatedly behind my back as many times as he wanted, but if I did that find that out, it would be the end of 'us'

If someone gives you an inch if rope, don't turn it into a foot and hang yourself with it

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

King's Crustacean

That is the niggle in the brain

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'd certainly knock it on the head with the fella.

I suspect she has got emotionally involved with this guy. You need to have a serious and honest chat with her.

Good luck OP

Thank you I’m trying to chat to her and she genuinely doesn’t see what she has done wrong

Therein lies the problem. I feel for you but its always a risk involving a 3rd party. If my other half was doing that behind my back Im not sure Id want to be with them!"

This discussion will be on the cards this evening.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Good luck Mr. and Mrs. P

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What we would suggest is to stop seeing this guy before he totally destroys your relationship

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Also OP, whilst I understand the views of others on the scene might be useful to you right now, having this discussion in an open forum from a couples profile doesn't sit easily with me

You are here as a unit - sort it out between you both

If my OH did this off a couples profile, I would be fkin ripping!

Putting it here just adds another consideration to an already volatile (and personal) situation

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd certainly knock it on the head with the fella.

I suspect she has got emotionally involved with this guy. You need to have a serious and honest chat with her.

Good luck OP

Thank you I’m trying to chat to her and she genuinely doesn’t see what she has done wrong

Therein lies the problem. I feel for you but its always a risk involving a 3rd party. If my other half was doing that behind my back Im not sure Id want to be with them!

This discussion will be on the cards this evening."

I really hope you manage to sort it out. Not an easy conversation to have!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Also OP, whilst I understand the views of others on the scene might be useful to you right now, having this discussion in an open forum from a couples profile doesn't sit easily with me

You are here as a unit - sort it out between you both

If my OH did this off a couples profile, I would be fkin ripping!

Putting it here just adds another consideration to an already volatile (and personal) situation "

and I do wish you both well x

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

King's Crustacean

"Also OP, whilst I understand the views of others on the scene might be useful to you right now, having this discussion in an open forum from a couples profile doesn't sit easily with me

You are here as a unit - sort it out between you both

If my OH did this off a couples profile, I would be fkin ripping!

Putting it here just adds another consideration to an already volatile (and personal) situation "

I never even thought of that Bussy. If I came home to my life being discussed in the forum I'd be peed off too.........

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By *oppet22TV/TS over a year ago

huddersfield

You have done rigth as if they carnt keep it to group knowing your ok with him sleeping with your wife its only fair they dont hide anything from you best of luck sorting things out

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Also OP, whilst I understand the views of others on the scene might be useful to you right now, having this discussion in an open forum from a couples profile doesn't sit easily with me

You are here as a unit - sort it out between you both

If my OH did this off a couples profile, I would be fkin ripping!

Putting it here just adds another consideration to an already volatile (and personal) situation "

I have told Mrs p this is posted here and I wanted opinions as she very good at making me think I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill so to speak.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Does your partner find this thread unreasonable?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Does your partner find this thread unreasonable?"

Nope

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Does your partner find this thread unreasonable?

Nope

She's incredibly tolerant then.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Does your partner find this thread unreasonable?

Nope

She's incredibly tolerant then. "

If she did its tough isnt it! The OP finds her actions unreasonable but it hasnt stopped her

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Does your partner find this thread unreasonable?

Nope

She's incredibly tolerant then.

If she did its tough isnt it! The OP finds her actions unreasonable but it hasnt stopped her

Thank you! X

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By *rad670Man over a year ago

South Lakes

As someone who is sometimes the third person in these situations I would always respect the boundaries and rules of both of the couple and if it was causing any kind of issue I would gracefully withdraw from the arrangement.

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By *Booboo-Man over a year ago

Edinburgh

The worst part of this for me is that after it happened at first, it was highlighted, and then after that she continued to do it, knowing it upset you.

That's all on her. The other guy is not part of your relationship with your wife. He's got no commitment or obligations to either of you, but your wife most definitely does.

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By *Booboo-Man over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Does your partner find this thread unreasonable?"

He's asking for advice. He's not the one in the wrong here.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So I’m looking for other peoples opinion on a situation.

We are on here as a couple and got involved with a guy as a three. For months all has gone well with Mrs p going seeing this person at a club for 1-2-1 meets and us having a few 3 ways etc.

I found out a few months ago Mrs P and said person had been privately messaging out of the group. I mentioned I wasn’t comfortable with it and asked to keep it to the group which was agreed by all.

Just before Xmas the same issue occurred and we all agreed that it was to be kept in the group chat, today I have also seen it’s been going on.

So that’s 3 times in the space of 2 months it’s happened and now Mrs p is saying I’m being unreasonable as I have cancelled our meeting tonight with the said person due to not trusting them.

Mrs p stance is it’s just messages to boost her confidence and doesn’t see the issue as I’m happy for him to sleep with her normally.

Am I being un-reasonable or would you cancel a meeting with someone who three times has done something you found disrespectful? "

It sounds like the problem isn’t just with the other guy but the missus as well! And no you’re not being unreasonable. You should only do what you’re comfortable with!

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By *3nsesMan over a year ago

Dublin

Your relationship has so many red flags in it that it's difficult to keep track of them all at this stage.

Maybe consider couples councilling?

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By *handsMan over a year ago

Warrington

For me personally, you are doing the right thing, you have set boundaries which were agreed to, if the trust has gone from you to the other guy, you should end it and have the conversation with your wife as to why it’s been ended.

For me, if I found myself in that situation as the 3rd guy, the last thing I would want to do is to get involved in other peoples relationship. I don’t do drama and never will, life is too short

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By *wingsnroundabouts82Couple over a year ago

Fucksville

Absolutely disrespectful. She is not putting you and your wishes and your relationship first. Major red flag.

Swinging may not be the best life for you to pursue until you resolve whatever is going on in the background. I wish you all the best with however you choose to deal with it but I would be absolutely fuming.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Absolutely disrespectful. She is not putting you and your wishes and your relationship first. Major red flag.

Thank you sadly it’s not the only thing that’s happened recently so think it’s time to end things x

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By *ancer36Woman over a year ago

Stirling

All three of you are not on the same page here, this reads like dangerous territory to me for a number of reasons -

You seem jealous and a tad possessive on one hand however you are happy to let someone else fuck your wife but she can’t send a message to someone - I could see your frustration if a meet between your wife and the 3rd party only had been arranged behind your back but as you are aware they meet without you and are seemingly ok with that, how is a message more intimate or threatening than a man with his penis inside your wife?

I would say your ok with sharing your wife sexually but not emotionally, that you expect her to behave in a certain way and don’t like that she hasn’t which one one hand I understand as you have expressed your annoyance at the messaging and it has continued but your not asking yourself why it has, why your wife seeks confidence in the form of another man’s messages - perhaps she needs more attention than you provide

I think there are way more factors here than a message or two

I hope you can work it out together x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Does your partner find this thread unreasonable?

He's asking for advice. He's not the one in the wrong here."

2 wrongs don't make a right

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By *ersey GirlCouple over a year ago

Glasgow

Depends who instigated the private chat, if it’s him it wouldn’t be going further, if it was her ask her the real reason why

But for me he wouldn’t be getting another look in either way

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/01/22 17:18:28]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Depends who instigated the private chat, if it’s him it wouldn’t be going further, if it was her ask her the real reason why

But for me he wouldn’t be getting another look in either way

It was him apparently he got over excited

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

It was him apparently he got over excited

Did she reply privately ? I would have replied on the group chat

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

It was him apparently he got over excited

Did she reply privately ? I would have replied on the group chat"

Yes the whole conversation then went private.

Also to add insult to injury he’s now pestering asking us to still go or if not send Mrs p alone you couldn’t make it up if you tried.

Seems both are completely oblivious to any wrong doing

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 08/01/22 17:23:22]

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By *oxychicWoman over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

Have u read the messages,? Did she let you see them , personally i stick with what you decided , you need to stick to your boundaries, otherwise its going to mess with your head

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It was him apparently he got over excited

Did she reply privately ? I would have replied on the group chat

Yes the whole conversation then went private.

Also to add insult to injury he’s now pestering asking us to still go or if not send Mrs p alone you couldn’t make it up if you tried.

Seems both are completely oblivious to any wrong doing

Why don’t you block him until you and your partner have talked?

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By *jorkishMan over a year ago

Seaforth

Not unreasonable at all. They're both disrespectful in my opinion. I think it's time to call a halt to all communications. I also think that you should have a long and open conversation with your wife

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By *entative_steps7781Couple over a year ago

Home

It was him apparently he got over excited

Did she reply privately ? I would have replied on the group chat

Yes the whole conversation then went private.

Also to add insult to injury he’s now pestering asking us to still go or if not send Mrs p alone you couldn’t make it up if you tried.

Seems both are completely oblivious to any wrong doing

Being honest it sounds to me like you and the Mrs need to take a break from sleeping with other people and work on the communication and trust in your relationship. Swinging doesn't work without a solid base to your relationship.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

It was him apparently he got over excited

Did she reply privately ? I would have replied on the group chat

Yes the whole conversation then went private.

Also to add insult to injury he’s now pestering asking us to still go or if not send Mrs p alone you couldn’t make it up if you tried.

Seems both are completely oblivious to any wrong doing

MJ"

Wholeheartedly agreed but think it’s to late for that! X

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By *ooo wet tight hornyWoman over a year ago

lancashire

"So I’m looking for other peoples opinion on a situation.

We are on here as a couple and got involved with a guy as a three. For months all has gone well with Mrs p going seeing this person at a club for 1-2-1 meets and us having a few 3 ways etc.

I found out a few months ago Mrs P and said person had been privately messaging out of the group. I mentioned I wasn’t comfortable with it and asked to keep it to the group which was agreed by all.

Just before Xmas the same issue occurred and we all agreed that it was to be kept in the group chat, today I have also seen it’s been going on.

So that’s 3 times in the space of 2 months it’s happened and now Mrs p is saying I’m being unreasonable as I have cancelled our meeting tonight with the said person due to not trusting them.

Mrs p stance is it’s just messages to boost her confidence and doesn’t see the issue as I’m happy for him to sleep with her normally.

Am I being un-reasonable or would you cancel a meeting with someone who three times has done something you found disrespectful? "

No your NOT been unreasonable at all...boundaries where set and your wife and this guy have broken them and gone behind your back...her loyalties should have been with you 100% on this and even though this guy did message her out of the arranged 3 way chat then she should have refused to message back and told you straight away. Then your wife does it again after you explaining how you wasn't happy with them chatting that way...So 3 times she has disrespected your feelings on the situation, it doesn't matter that you agree with her having sex with him...Its all about the trust and she as well as him have broken that trust 3 times, this would make me think what else has she lied about?

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple over a year ago

Cumbria

WTF people going on about you controlling....

No, you guys had a 3way agreement it's been broken I would never meet the 3rd party again and give her a choice him or you something are black and white.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"WTF people going on about you controlling....

No, you guys had a 3way agreement it's been broken I would never meet the 3rd party again and give her a choice him or you something are black and white. "

I kinda see their thinking, though don't agree.

Personally I see it this way ......

He's said, yeah sure you both can have casual sex, but don't hide it away from me.

That in the form of keeping messages open.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Serious breach of trust.

3 strikes and your out I'm afraid. That would be the case for the Mr and the Mrs.

There's no way on this earth I would be with a woman I couldn't trust.

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By *arco_pMan over a year ago

Hednesford

it seems to me as she has attached to this guy for her to refuse your wishes,

lets put it this way, how would she feel if ball was in other court and a woman was messaging you out off group chat privitely.

it's a tough dilema to be in as you've obviously been enjoying the scenario but now the boundries seem to have gone intop different realms

good luck though

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Serious breach of trust.

3 strikes and your out I'm afraid. That would be the case for the Mr and the Mrs.

There's no way on this earth I would be with a woman I couldn't trust. "

Looks like it will go that way!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Serious breach of trust.

3 strikes and your out I'm afraid. That would be the case for the Mr and the Mrs.

There's no way on this earth I would be with a woman I couldn't trust.

Looks like it will go that way! "

Don't make any rushed decisions. And make it your decision nobody else's. But I feel for you I'd be very unhappy with it. Wishing you the best outcome in what you decide

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

Also to add insult to injury he’s now pestering asking us to still go or if not send Mrs p alone you couldn’t make it up if you tried.

Seems both are completely oblivious to any wrong doing

Is she going to meet him again ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

They are both being disrespectful. She is cheating on you.

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By *issmorganWoman over a year ago

Calderdale innit

"No. Not unreasonable. You had ground rules agreed between you, they should be adhered to.

I would end the dynamic between the three of you. "

This totally

Its really disrespectful to you op

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It sounds like both of them have overstepped agreed rule several times. It also sounds like there was just a "no" from you to messaging outside the group chat instead of having a conversation about why do they do it.

I have a FWB. Original agreement with husband was to keep meets related and sexual messages on a group chat, but I was messaging with FWB outside group as well since he was a friend before the benefits.

It was hard to keep separate chats for sexual and non sexual things as conversations would dip in and out of sexual theme, so we started messaging privately only. Husband didn't want to know the details of our "likes", "dislikes", kinks that he knows I'm into, but he has no interest in whatsoever. I had a conversation with him about messaging and he understood that there are no hidden agendas or anything he should be worried about going on between FWB and me and he's happy for us to carry on messaging privately. He also has an option to read through our messages if he wanted to.

All I'm trying to say here is that instead of presuming maybe it's best to have a conversation about things to try to understand why they're happening.

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

Sounds like you might be single OP

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It sounds like both of them have overstepped agreed rule several times. It also sounds like there was just a "no" from you to messaging outside the group chat instead of having a conversation about why do they do it.

All I'm trying to say here is that instead of presuming maybe it's best to have a conversation about things to try to understand why they're happening."

Thank you

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By *Booboo-Man over a year ago

Edinburgh

All I'm trying to say here is that instead of presuming maybe it's best to have a conversation about things to try to understand why they're happening."

While it was difficult, you did the right thing and has the conversation out in the open. I have a feeling that if the OP's wife would have done this and opened up the communication then this thread wouldn't be happening.

The hardest thing is the feeling that you can't trust someone. If everything is in the open and you don't feel comfortable, then thats a different thing altogether.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

Relationships are priority, so you both have to agree on your reasons for swinging and your rules. Stopping everything if it can't work the way you both agree it to be working and right is important, to keep the relationship as the priority. If it comes to disagreements, you need to communicate fully until you reach agreement.

In my opinion, agreements must be 100% from both, as should any changes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Feel for the OP, if one partner is breaking boundaries and you try and enforce them. It will only make things worse. Boundries are a choice. Stick to them or break them and any consequences. I have been in this situation, ultimately the outlook is not good. We have boundries because that is what we mutually want. Neither of us would break those boundaries because we have trust. Without that we have nothing.

Maybe i have misunderstood the post, if Mrs P is actively breaking boundries then she has made her choice. Any kind of enforcement will simply exacerbate the situation. I hope you fine a solution wish you well

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Feel for the OP, if one partner is breaking boundaries and you try and enforce them. It will only make things worse. Boundries are a choice. Stick to them or break them and any consequences. I have been in this situation, ultimately the outlook is not good. We have boundries because that is what we mutually want. Neither of us would break those boundaries because we have trust. Without that we have nothing.

Thank you x

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By *asual_WandererWoman over a year ago

A spot you want me

It's not about the seriousness of the action - sure messaging isn't cheating

It's the repeated ignoring of your boundaries by your partner. That just undermines your trust. Maybe she does disagree with you. But she should discuss/work through it with you, not just avoid the confrontation and carry on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thank you x"

Is she prepared to stop seeing and communicaing with this guy anymore OP?

Thats the minimum id expect if the relationship was to be salvaged.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"They are both being disrespectful. She is cheating on you. "

Once she disrespected him the 2nd and then 3rd time then yes its deceit and akin to cheating on the OP.

OP that guy is a snake and needs removing from the your lives ASAP.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I could never trust someone who disrespected me three times but ultimately you’ll have to work out whether you can trust her going forward. In my view she cheated, he’s a snake but she is the one who is supposed to be committed to you!

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By *hisisntpofMan over a year ago

bristol

Not a good situation ,the boundaries should be respected by both partys ,thats what they are there for

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As someone who is sometimes the third person in these situations I would always respect the boundaries and rules of both of the couple and if it was causing any kind of issue I would gracefully withdraw from the arrangement."

Agree with this

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By *ngel696969Woman over a year ago

Farnworth

I can see sometimes it can relax and enhance your partner. Was this just a random meeting or did the guy contact you?

Just to be 100% clear Mr. P have you ever had any type of messages that Mrs. P didn't know about as in kik, snapchat etc. or any unknown meetings or sites that you've met or suggested meeting. Are you definitely totally respectful to her and have been throughout your time together.

I've usually found that the louder someone shouts it's because they've more to hide.

Just make it crystal clear that you've never strayed or done anything and I mean anything that Mrs. P is aware or unaware of that actually was unacceptable or are you totally loyal and never done anything to make your partner annoyed. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And now we'll never know what the outcome was. Bye OP.

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By *h_yes_please!Man over a year ago

North Devon

"O.P.

Here goes........

Firstly no agreement should ever have been entered into. It was a pointless agreement BUT an agreement shouldn't be broken.

I think 'the no private messages' was asked for from either 'fear' or 'jealousy' or 'control' ..... hear me out first...

You are happy for Mrs. P to meet this man alone at a club. Surely you realise that they'd have private conversations there ? Unless fucking in abject silence is their kink.

So what difference does a private message make ?

If they are 'getting it on' then flirty or sexy texting before hand might be part of it.

Insisting they don't have a conversation unless you are privvy to it is highly controlling ( in my book ) or maybe as I said earlier you are not really happy with Mrs. P swinging alone.

Bottom line is ..... No agreement should have been broken without someone saying 'this agreement isn't on and i'm breaking it because....

Frankly if my other half did that to me ....... well ..... it's over to you two now."

I think I broadly agree with you, an unnecessary agreement. Unless the sharing of messages is for kink. Not sure that’s the case thought.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

As the op has deleted their profile I will close this now to prevent further discussion

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