FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Think, before you type / speak
Think, before you type / speak
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I have said it before and I will say it again till I'm blue in the face, people really do need to think before they speak. You never know how one bad message can turn into. I've always said even if you are going to reject someone please do it in the most nicest way possible instead of going your ugly your spotty people have got feelings out there, most people can't take it on the chin so to speak.
#toonice |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have said it before and I will say it again till I'm blue in the face, people really do need to think before they speak. You never know how one bad message can turn into. I've always said even if you are going to reject someone please do it in the most nicest way possible instead of going your ugly your spotty people have got feelings out there, most people can't take it on the chin so to speak.
#toonice"
Best thing any of us can do is improve oneself.
Mind over matter if you don't mind it don't matter. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I have said it before and I will say it again till I'm blue in the face, people really do need to think before they speak. You never know how one bad message can turn into. I've always said even if you are going to reject someone please do it in the most nicest way possible instead of going your ugly your spotty people have got feelings out there, most people can't take it on the chin so to speak.
#toonice
Best thing any of us can do is improve oneself.
Mind over matter if you don't mind it don't matter. "
I am a great believer in kindness, there really is no need to be nasty! I couldn’t agree more with you both xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I have said it before and I will say it again till I'm blue in the face, people really do need to think before they speak. You never know how one bad message can turn into. I've always said even if you are going to reject someone please do it in the most nicest way possible instead of going your ugly your spotty people have got feelings out there, most people can't take it on the chin so to speak.
#toonice
Best thing any of us can do is improve oneself.
Mind over matter if you don't mind it don't matter.
I am a great believer in kindness, there really is no need to be nasty! I couldn’t agree more with you both xx"
As my dear departed mother once said, "if you can't be kind, be quiet"
Winston |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Definitely no need to be unkind, we can't all be for everyone but a polite rejection is better than no reply for us personally. "
I know its cowardly but sometimes a no reply is easier than trying to find a unhurtfull polite one other than u not my type etc which is still a rejection x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Why on earth would someone go out of their way like that to be unkind?  Just awful. Better to say nothing at all.
It really does say more about them than the person who sent the message in the first place! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
While I agree there's no need to be nasty just for the sake of it I don't agree with the "if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all" sentiment.
That's just another way of telling others not to have an opinion of their own and just to nod and agree with everything that is said.
It's one thing to be respectful but sychophancy is not a attractive trait and neither is being a doormat.
Like many other things, "nice" is subjective and sometimes has to be challenged in the same way other things are. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Unfortunately some people just can't help themselves, it costs nothing to be nice in our book. If someone has insulted you, it says more about their insecurities. Remember, those who put you down are already beneath you.
You're a good looking gent OP, take no notice of anyone who tells you different.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Some people are very selfish and think that their opinion is the only opinion. Get to know person before casting judgement....and even then, ignore them if you don't like what you see or read. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Context helps here...if it was their first response then yes, I'd say a polite but generic response is adequate. But I've had it in the past where I've done just that, and I've then been questioned why I don't find them attractive...skip to several messages later when I'm still trying to be polite and say he's just not for me, and he actually asked me to name the specific things about him that I didn't find attractive Is it acceptable in your view for someone to respond to that with specifics? Personally I bowed out of the conversation by telling him that I didn't think that would be beneficial to either of us, but I wouldn't say that anyone had been particularly unkind if they'd have sent him a list that he'd asked for. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Context helps here...if it was their first response then yes, I'd say a polite but generic response is adequate. But I've had it in the past where I've done just that, and I've then been questioned why I don't find them attractive...skip to several messages later when I'm still trying to be polite and say he's just not for me, and he actually asked me to name the specific things about him that I didn't find attractive Is it acceptable in your view for someone to respond to that with specifics? Personally I bowed out of the conversation by telling him that I didn't think that would be beneficial to either of us, but I wouldn't say that anyone had been particularly unkind if they'd have sent him a list that he'd asked for. "
Why did you even entertain the conversation?!?
Should of just said, sorry not for me but thanks and left it at that.. if he persisted then block! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"While I agree there's no need to be nasty just for the sake of it I don't agree with the "if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all" sentiment.
That's just another way of telling others not to have an opinion of their own and just to nod and agree with everything that is said.
It's one thing to be respectful but sychophancy is not a attractive trait and neither is being a doormat.
Like many other things, "nice" is subjective and sometimes has to be challenged in the same way other things are. "
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have said it before and I will say it again till I'm blue in the face, people really do need to think before they speak. You never know how one bad message can turn into. I've always said even if you are going to reject someone please do it in the most nicest way possible instead of going your ugly your spotty people have got feelings out there, most people can't take it on the chin so to speak.
#toonice"
If they some mean shit like that, always take it as a positive. You wouldn't want to meet someone like that so it's definitely a good thing that you won't have to.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I have said it before and I will say it again till I'm blue in the face, people really do need to think before they speak. You never know how one bad message can turn into. I've always said even if you are going to reject someone please do it in the most nicest way possible instead of going your ugly your spotty people have got feelings out there, most people can't take it on the chin so to speak.
#toonice"
Did someone really say you are ugly? Did someone say you are spotty ?
Seriously ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Definitely no need to be unkind, we can't all be for everyone but a polite rejection is better than no reply for us personally. "
The problem I have found is my always polite no thank you is often followed by a rather unkind insulting message back so most of the time I don't bother. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Definitely no need to be unkind, we can't all be for everyone but a polite rejection is better than no reply for us personally.
The problem I have found is my always polite no thank you is often followed by a rather unkind insulting message back so most of the time I don't bother. "
Best way |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Context helps here...if it was their first response then yes, I'd say a polite but generic response is adequate. But I've had it in the past where I've done just that, and I've then been questioned why I don't find them attractive...skip to several messages later when I'm still trying to be polite and say he's just not for me, and he actually asked me to name the specific things about him that I didn't find attractive Is it acceptable in your view for someone to respond to that with specifics? Personally I bowed out of the conversation by telling him that I didn't think that would be beneficial to either of us, but I wouldn't say that anyone had been particularly unkind if they'd have sent him a list that he'd asked for.
Why did you even entertain the conversation?!?
Should of just said, sorry not for me but thanks and left it at that.. if he persisted then block! "
I've had that in the past..
A "..no thanks", "but why?" exchange. It's so irritating...it must happen to women by the s**tload... they're right to just delete without response or explanation, or simply block |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have said it before and I will say it again till I'm blue in the face, people really do need to think before they speak. You never know how one bad message can turn into. I've always said even if you are going to reject someone please do it in the most nicest way possible instead of going your ugly your spotty people have got feelings out there, most people can't take it on the chin so to speak.
#toonice"
Did someone actually call you spotty…? I’m sure I will be in the minority here. I don’t owe anyone politeness or niceness. A lot of people message me where they clearly haven’t read my profile - I find that rude in itself. Like most women on here, I get hounded in my inbox. I mainly block but at times it gets a bit much and I do have to be a little straight to the point. I wouldn’t call anyone ugly or spotty though lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I've sent a polite opening message only to get a snotty arrogant reply. On Christmas day too. Says more about them than me, forget it and move on"
Did you send your message on Christmas day, or get the reply Christmas day?
Winston |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've sent a polite opening message only to get a snotty arrogant reply. On Christmas day too. Says more about them than me, forget it and move on
Did you send your message on Christmas day, or get the reply Christmas day?
Winston"
Sent Christmas day evening, got reply about 5 hrs later. Is Christmas day initial message dodgy? Just curious |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
This is not the best place to be if you want respect, or kindness. There are, unfortunately, an awful lot of shallow people on here who’s only value system is based on the way people look.
Join that up with a way they can say whatever they want, and be as rude as they want, and you have no comeback (the internet)
They hide behind a keyboard knowing they are at the other end of the country and unknown to you.
If you try to challenge their rudeness, they block you!
A site like this needs to be taken like a pinch of salt. That is not to say the site has no merit… I met Rachaelmay through this site and she is one of the most wonderful people a person could ever wish to meet.
So don’t give up, you might have to trawl through a lot of dross to find one brilliant person but they are out there |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *LheadMan
over a year ago
Chester |
It's true context is important and so is perception. You can be as polite or diplomatic as you want however if the message is perceived not in the context its intended then there isn't much you can do about someone else's world view.
Just be as nice as you can, then if it isn't hitting home, block. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I've sent a polite opening message only to get a snotty arrogant reply. On Christmas day too. Says more about them than me, forget it and move on
Did you send your message on Christmas day, or get the reply Christmas day?
Winston
Sent Christmas day evening, got reply about 5 hrs later. Is Christmas day initial message dodgy? Just curious "
I think most people have other things on their mind Christmas day.
We were online chatting to friends here Christmas day.
The mere fact we were online seemed to be a green light for people to message asking to meet.
It's not. It wasn't.
They went unread, are now blocked and messages deleted.
Should have hidden our profile for the day. Lesson learnt.
Winston |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I have said it before and I will say it again till I'm blue in the face, people really do need to think before they speak. You never know how one bad message can turn into. I've always said even if you are going to reject someone please do it in the most nicest way possible instead of going your ugly your spotty people have got feelings out there, most people can't take it on the chin so to speak.
#toonice"
I agree but what if the Person keep on and on and wont take no for an answer
I'm all for being kind but sometimes you have to speak your mind |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've sent a polite opening message only to get a snotty arrogant reply. On Christmas day too. Says more about them than me, forget it and move on
Did you send your message on Christmas day, or get the reply Christmas day?
Winston
Sent Christmas day evening, got reply about 5 hrs later. Is Christmas day initial message dodgy? Just curious
I think most people have other things on their mind Christmas day.
We were online chatting to friends here Christmas day.
The mere fact we were online seemed to be a green light for people to message asking to meet.
It's not. It wasn't.
They went unread, are now blocked and messages deleted.
Should have hidden our profile for the day. Lesson learnt.
Winston"
I opened up up filters so if anyone was alone and needed to chat my inbox was open. I won't bother next Christmas tbh - just chancers taking advantage of it being Christmas.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"While I agree there's no need to be nasty just for the sake of it I don't agree with the "if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all" sentiment.
That's just another way of telling others not to have an opinion of their own and just to nod and agree with everything that is said.
It's one thing to be respectful but sychophancy is not a attractive trait and neither is being a doormat.
Like many other things, "nice" is subjective and sometimes has to be challenged in the same way other things are. "
This |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Nobody wants to receive a nasty message it's like me back in the day when I used to send messages out and used to get told your ugly your this your that it's like just leave me a message and say not my cup of tea |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"While I agree there's no need to be nasty just for the sake of it I don't agree with the "if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all" sentiment.
That's just another way of telling others not to have an opinion of their own and just to nod and agree with everything that is said.
It's one thing to be respectful but sychophancy is not a attractive trait and neither is being a doormat.
Like many other things, "nice" is subjective and sometimes has to be challenged in the same way other things are. "
*this |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have said it before and I will say it again till I'm blue in the face, people really do need to think before they speak. You never know how one bad message can turn into. I've always said even if you are going to reject someone please do it in the most nicest way possible instead of going your ugly your spotty people have got feelings out there, most people can't take it on the chin so to speak.
#toonice"
Problem with the written word is that people can take it the wrong way, because there is no emotion in how it was written, it could have been written with the best intentions but depending on the readers mood, it can be taken out of context.
Personally I feel your post shouldn’t be here. You’re not an admin or moderator yet you put it upon yourself to tell people off. If you’ve been rejected I suggest you take it up with them and not air your views here. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have said it before and I will say it again till I'm blue in the face, people really do need to think before they speak. You never know how one bad message can turn into. I've always said even if you are going to reject someone please do it in the most nicest way possible instead of going your ugly your spotty people have got feelings out there, most people can't take it on the chin so to speak.
#toonice
Problem with the written word is that people can take it the wrong way, because there is no emotion in how it was written, it could have been written with the best intentions but depending on the readers mood, it can be taken out of context.
Personally I feel your post shouldn’t be here. You’re not an admin or moderator yet you put it upon yourself to tell people off. If you’ve been rejected I suggest you take it up with them and not air your views here. "
And yet here you are telling him what he can and can't post.....  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have said it before and I will say it again till I'm blue in the face, people really do need to think before they speak. You never know how one bad message can turn into. I've always said even if you are going to reject someone please do it in the most nicest way possible instead of going your ugly your spotty people have got feelings out there, most people can't take it on the chin so to speak.
#toonice
Problem with the written word is that people can take it the wrong way, because there is no emotion in how it was written, it could have been written with the best intentions but depending on the readers mood, it can be taken out of context.
Personally I feel your post shouldn’t be here. You’re not an admin or moderator yet you put it upon yourself to tell people off. If you’ve been rejected I suggest you take it up with them and not air your views here.
And yet here you are telling him what he can and can't post..... "
Clearly you didn’t bother to read my first paragraph |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I have said it before and I will say it again till I'm blue in the face, people really do need to think before they speak. You never know how one bad message can turn into. I've always said even if you are going to reject someone please do it in the most nicest way possible instead of going your ugly your spotty people have got feelings out there, most people can't take it on the chin so to speak.
#toonice
Problem with the written word is that people can take it the wrong way, because there is no emotion in how it was written, it could have been written with the best intentions but depending on the readers mood, it can be taken out of context.
Personally I feel your post shouldn’t be here. You’re not an admin or moderator yet you put it upon yourself to tell people off. If you’ve been rejected I suggest you take it up with them and not air your views here. "
I agree posts like these cause negativity if some one has insulted you block Report
No need to air it
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have said it before and I will say it again till I'm blue in the face, people really do need to think before they speak. You never know how one bad message can turn into. I've always said even if you are going to reject someone please do it in the most nicest way possible instead of going your ugly your spotty people have got feelings out there, most people can't take it on the chin so to speak.
#toonice
Problem with the written word is that people can take it the wrong way, because there is no emotion in how it was written, it could have been written with the best intentions but depending on the readers mood, it can be taken out of context.
Personally I feel your post shouldn’t be here. You’re not an admin or moderator yet you put it upon yourself to tell people off. If you’ve been rejected I suggest you take it up with them and not air your views here.
I agree posts like these cause negativity if some one has insulted you block Report
No need to air it
"
I haven't been rejected, I am someone back in the day who used to do videos and talk about mental health even though before anyone says it the videos that I put up about mental health should not even be discussed on a platform like this but I took it upon myself to do it.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I have said it before and I will say it again till I'm blue in the face, people really do need to think before they speak. You never know how one bad message can turn into. I've always said even if you are going to reject someone please do it in the most nicest way possible instead of going your ugly your spotty people have got feelings out there, most people can't take it on the chin so to speak.
#toonice
Problem with the written word is that people can take it the wrong way, because there is no emotion in how it was written, it could have been written with the best intentions but depending on the readers mood, it can be taken out of context.
Personally I feel your post shouldn’t be here. You’re not an admin or moderator yet you put it upon yourself to tell people off. If you’ve been rejected I suggest you take it up with them and not air your views here.
I agree posts like these cause negativity if some one has insulted you block Report
No need to air it
I haven't been rejected, I am someone back in the day who used to do videos and talk about mental health even though before anyone says it the videos that I put up about mental health should not even be discussed on a platform like this but I took it upon myself to do it.. "
I remember your videos
X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
The thing is even if I did get rejected on here I'm not one of the guys but gets into a strop get in a mood and blurt it out everywhere.. I found what I was looking for at the start of the year and I had some fantastic times which I will always remember  and that's why I've said previous going for the end of the year  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Definitely no need to be unkind, we can't all be for everyone but a polite rejection is better than no reply for us personally.
I know its cowardly but sometimes a no reply is easier than trying to find a unhurtfull polite one other than u not my type etc which is still a rejection x"
I agree !
How often after sending a “thank you but no thank you” does a “could you tell me why not” ensue ? There’s just no way of making a reply pleasant.
So although I use the no thank you continuously I refuse to be drawn into further communication.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" I haven't been rejected, I am someone back in the day who used to do videos and talk about mental health even though before anyone says it the videos that I put up about mental health should not even be discussed on a platform like this but I took it upon myself to do it.. "
Seriously? You must have a really high opinion of yourself if you think people want to hear your views on mental health on a sex site, how to put people off! (Even if you are a trained MH counsellor, this is not the place for it) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" I haven't been rejected, I am someone back in the day who used to do videos and talk about mental health even though before anyone says it the videos that I put up about mental health should not even be discussed on a platform like this but I took it upon myself to do it..
Seriously? You must have a really high opinion of yourself if you think people want to hear your views on mental health on a sex site, how to put people off! (Even if you are a trained MH counsellor, this is not the place for it)"
Why isn't it the place for it? There have been plenty of threads about mental health. And some of them are valuable and useful for some people. If you don't like those threads - just mosey on by... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Nobody wants to receive a nasty message it's like me back in the day when I used to send messages out and used to get told your ugly your this your that it's like just leave me a message and say not my cup of tea"
Correct.
Some people need to check what they're sending though to initiate such a response.
Sending first messages like "I'd love to abuse you" to someone they don't know is triggering as fuck if that person has been abused. It lands hard and certainly illicits both barrels from me with no holding back explaining exactly why it's fucking unacceptable, and yes, I hope to shame them into engaging some thought in the future. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" I haven't been rejected, I am someone back in the day who used to do videos and talk about mental health even though before anyone says it the videos that I put up about mental health should not even be discussed on a platform like this but I took it upon myself to do it..
Seriously? You must have a really high opinion of yourself if you think people want to hear your views on mental health on a sex site, how to put people off! (Even if you are a trained MH counsellor, this is not the place for it)"
Mental health is something that should be talked about. No reason why it shouldn’t be on here, as much as anywhere. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" I haven't been rejected, I am someone back in the day who used to do videos and talk about mental health even though before anyone says it the videos that I put up about mental health should not even be discussed on a platform like this but I took it upon myself to do it..
Seriously? You must have a really high opinion of yourself if you think people want to hear your views on mental health on a sex site, how to put people off! (Even if you are a trained MH counsellor, this is not the place for it)"
Any social platform is the place to talk about mental health! The more we talk about it the better whatever the format.
So what if it puts people off! Maybe if it puts people off then they aren't the people he'd want to meet anyway. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" I haven't been rejected, I am someone back in the day who used to do videos and talk about mental health even though before anyone says it the videos that I put up about mental health should not even be discussed on a platform like this but I took it upon myself to do it..
Seriously? You must have a really high opinion of yourself if you think people want to hear your views on mental health on a sex site, how to put people off! (Even if you are a trained MH counsellor, this is not the place for it)
Any social platform is the place to talk about mental health! The more we talk about it the better whatever the format.
So what if it puts people off! Maybe if it puts people off then they aren't the people he'd want to meet anyway."
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Not once in my life have I ever thought to myself that I am something special, I've always said to anyone that I speak to I'm a little bit different compared to other people. A lot of us do struggle with mental health a lot of us keep it inside us and not tell anyone about what we are feeling, at the end of the day I just want to be that person that used to talk about it and be honest about what they should do |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not once in my life have I ever thought to myself that I am something special, I've always said to anyone that I speak to I'm a little bit different compared to other people. A lot of us do struggle with mental health a lot of us keep it inside us and not tell anyone about what we are feeling, at the end of the day I just want to be that person that used to talk about it and be honest about what they should do"
What makes you different? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
Winston