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How can you have a sexless marrage??
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"Surly you must know things arnt right?? " Have you asked your wife?  | |||
"Surly you must know things arnt right?? Have you asked your wife? "I'm divorced my friend | |||
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"Surly you must know things arnt right?? " It's a complicated business with a lot of factors. I know from experience that it takes more than sex to make a marriage. | |||
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"Surly you must know things arnt right?? " I had this… and yes, I knew it wasn’t right and tried very hard to make things better… you try whatever you can when you love someone and have kids together…. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t | |||
"Because one of you is a bit of a cunt." There is that lol | |||
"Surly you must know things arnt right?? Have you asked your wife? I'm divorced my friend "Was she blonde nice tits? | |||
"Love replaces lust and you grown to adore your partner and not want to rip their clothes off anymore. Sometimes you’d rather have a cuddle. " get that but I know ppl that sex is none existent iv been there sex plays a big part in a relationship I dont think we should become complacent | |||
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"Surly you must know things arnt right?? Have you asked your wife? I'm divorced my friend
Was she blonde nice tits? "haha unfortunately no | |||
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"Love replaces lust and you grown to adore your partner and not want to rip their clothes off anymore. Sometimes you’d rather have a cuddle. " I disagree… I was with my ex 8 years and right up to us splitting I still lusted after her. | |||
"Mine has been sexless for about 3 years, it's just one symptom of a failing marriage. I didn't want to have an affair so we decided better for both of us to go our separate ways. Still shite at the moment going through the legals." been there maty was one of the hardest things iv done as I have child but I look at things we dont get out alive and wouldnt want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me | |||
"Mine has been sexless for about 3 years, it's just one symptom of a failing marriage. I didn't want to have an affair so we decided better for both of us to go our separate ways. Still shite at the moment going through the legals. been there maty was one of the hardest things iv done as I have child but I look at things we dont get out alive and wouldnt want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me " Cheers, Fortunately no kids involved, but complicated property/pensions | |||
"Mine has been sexless for about 3 years, it's just one symptom of a failing marriage. I didn't want to have an affair so we decided better for both of us to go our separate ways. Still shite at the moment going through the legals. been there maty was one of the hardest things iv done as I have child but I look at things we dont get out alive and wouldnt want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me Cheers, Fortunately no kids involved, but complicated property/pensions" that must be a nightmare happiness or money gotta follow your heart maty | |||
"I wouldn’t dream of judging others relationships. They are complex things and to assume no sex means not right …. Well I don’t think that’s your call. For some it would be hideous. For some there are more important things to worry about. V x " While sex is a massive part for some people, it's not for others. You can still have intimacy, comfort, trust, love, support among other things without having sex. | |||
"Medical issues may be a reason for a no sex relationship but sex isn’t what keeps two people together if they truly love each other " I could forgive that. | |||
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"Did you find a wife OP???" not yet still looking hahaha | |||
"Did you find a wife OP???" Are you free? | |||
"Did you find a wife OP??? Are you free? "No are you? | |||
"Did you find a wife OP??? not yet still looking hahaha " Yes you can have a sexless marriage | |||
"Because one of you is a bit of a cunt." sensitive flower aren’t you | |||
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"Surly you should keep things alive?? " Surely its about compromise I would not know Never been married | |||
"Did you find a wife OP??? Are you free?
No are you?"Depends who is asking | |||
"Did you find a wife OP??? Are you free?
No are you?
Depends who is asking "Ida lupino? | |||
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"Medical issues may be a reason for a no sex relationship but sex isn’t what keeps two people together if they truly love each other " Totally agree, my mate hasn’t had sex for about 10 years as his wife has severe back problems as it is weak and her discs slip very easily. He is happy with no sex, it’s a small price to pay to be sure she is ok. He misses sex but won’t get it elsewhere as he sees it as cheating, at 57 he says nobody would fancy him anyway if he did. He is a brilliant fella | |||
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"We had a near sexless marriage for a few years, I was really struggling with depression and anxiety (to the point I was talked out of doing someting stupid) and the meds I was on killed pretty much all my emotions so sex was out of the question, I even looked for a woman to keep him satisfied for me becsuse I felt so useless. Hes a good man, he stuck by me and here we are, things have got so much better recently. Sex isn't everything if you're inlove and fully care for someone. " 
I'm married to a man who is asexual. He just doesn't enjoy sex. It doesn't stop me cudding him and loving the very bones of him.
I have always been poly so marrying him is a no brainer. I wanna grow old with him. If I find my elusive other partners (I'm currently partnerless) then I won't complain for sure. | |||
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"Surly you must know things arnt right?? " Aren’t right based on what? I don’t remember in my marriage vows where it guaranteed sex on tap. | |||
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"Did you find a wife OP???" I did wonder this, OP you don't half make laugh (in a good way not a sarcastic one!!)  | |||
"Yep I love my misses to bits but we don’t have sex hence why I’m on here ( que the hatred)" I would imagine you are typical of many on here. Sex can fail in a relationship for a lot of perfectly valid reasons, but it doesn't mean the love goes. | |||
"Surly you must know things arnt right?? " I think most of the answers you'd get will be a little skewed. You have asked on a swinger site where everyone here, is looking for sex in one form or another. So either single or couple, sex plays a part or they wouldn't be here. Yes we have known couples who have very fulfilling and loving relationships without sex. So there are many out there, but obviously would not be here. Just because a relationship is sexless doesn't mean it is not a good relationship or there is necessarily something wrong. | |||
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"Surly you must know things arnt right?? It's a complicated business with a lot of factors. I know from experience that it takes more than sex to make a marriage. "  | |||
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"Because one of you is a bit of a cunt." | |||
"Surly you must know things arnt right?? Aren’t right based on what? I don’t remember in my marriage vows where it guaranteed sex on tap. " | |||
"Medical issues may be a reason for a no sex relationship but sex isn’t what keeps two people together if they truly love each other I could forgive that." I would think though that would still be a possibility of sone form of sex or intimacy | |||
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"I found I could live with diminishing amounts of sex, what killed my marriage was lack of intimacy. Up until near the end we were still having sex about once a week which for many would seem perfectly fine. The issue was the total lack of intimacy any time other than when she decided she wanted sex. I ended up pretending to be asleep on those occasions as I simply wasn't able to switch on arousal for someone who'd spent the previous week lifting my hands off her any time they strayed anywhere intimate, pulling away from a kiss that was more than a peck and twisting away if I tried to make a cuddle into an intimate moment. So could I love with a sexless marriage? Maybe, it would depend on the reasons. Can I live without intimacy in a relationship? Turns out the answer to that is a definite no. Mr" Have you been reading my autobiography? | |||
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"I found I could live with diminishing amounts of sex, what killed my marriage was lack of intimacy. Up until near the end we were still having sex about once a week which for many would seem perfectly fine. The issue was the total lack of intimacy any time other than when she decided she wanted sex. I ended up pretending to be asleep on those occasions as I simply wasn't able to switch on arousal for someone who'd spent the previous week lifting my hands off her any time they strayed anywhere intimate, pulling away from a kiss that was more than a peck and twisting away if I tried to make a cuddle into an intimate moment. So could I love with a sexless marriage? Maybe, it would depend on the reasons. Can I live without intimacy in a relationship? Turns out the answer to that is a definite no. Mr Have you been reading my autobiography?" Sorry to hear that mate. I tried over about 5 years to convince her to go to counseling with me but she refused even when given the ultimatum that it was that it the end of the marriage. I didn't realise till after that I could have gone alone and I may have learnt enough to change my situation. Instead I had a brief affair (which she didn't find out about until she asked after we'd split), this led to a proper breakdown and me walking away, getting my own flat, fighting depression for over a year before slowly beginning to heal. You have my deepest sympathies. Mr | |||
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"Sometimes you fall out of love but are still best friends. And raising the kids together is more important " Tried this it just ended so sour. | |||
"……sex isn’t what keeps two people together if they truly love each other " Absolutely 100% this. I’m glad to see it being stated.
If sex is the only thing keeping a couple together, in my opinion that’s more messed up. | |||
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"Shit happens, life, kids, hormones etc and all of a sudden, one half of the marriage has no interest in sex whatsoever... It's a very tough situation - and sometimes the other party does what they need to do to not feel like their sexlife has been taken away from them against their will - but they didn't just get together for sex, so a lack of sex isn't enough to separate them... So don't be too quick to judge others... "I don't know who you think is judging, the OP asked a question, he didn't make any judgements. The rest are all just opinions. Personally, if one is cheating on the other, then yes, the marriage is pretty much done for. Lying to your most loved-one is about as low as it gets. K | |||
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"Medical issues may be a reason for a no sex relationship but sex isn’t what keeps two people together if they truly love each other " This is correct i have a loving relationship with my wife but fibroides make it painful for her to have sex | |||
"Surly you must know things arnt right?? " So yes you can have a sexless marriage and know it’s not right, next question ? | |||
"I am in a sexless type of marriage, but I love my wife. By "sexless type" I mean that she realises I need something and that something is "PROVIDED" for with a perfunctory wank every 6 weeks or so and even then only if she decides I must "need" one. It is fucking awful but you get to a point of accepting what you can get. She has not kissed me with tongues in 8 or 9 years. We cuddle but there is no penetrative sex. As many have said, cuddling does exist and holding hands and nonsexual touching. The second nonsexual touching becomes sexual it is stopped unless it's perfunctory wank time. I don't want a divorce and I want to grow older and greyer with her. She has told me to go get sex elsewhere, but even in the swinging world, this appears to be close to impossible. Our libidos are no longer matched. After the menopause, over time she lost all interest in sex. She had gone through a period of going through the motions, but eventually stopped that. We had a conversation, hours of tears and then what it's become. I have sought a FWB or someone to meet up with once a month for a nice afternoon or evening, no strings. Sadly not to be found as yet." This sounds very familiar. My wife’s libido started to dwindle after the birth of our son. Post natal depression never really went away, then the menopause. We haven’t been intimate in nearly a decade. However, we have built a home, brought up a child to be proud of, supported elderly parents as their health failed, and aided each other in achieving our own personal goals. Lack of sex isn’t something that I’m prepared to throw all that away for. We have tried talking, but the upset and distress it caused my wife simply isn’t something that I want to revisit. Sex did resume, briefly, but it was so obvious that she wasn’t enjoying it that I couldn’t continue. I live in hope that, one day, things might change. | |||
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"I wouldn't call my marriage sexless but I do find it rather unfulfilling. I suppose our priorities have changed over the years kids, money, jobs, elderly mother in law, life in general. So sex for both of us isn't as important as it was x amount of years ago. Ive tried talking about things, introducing new ideas but its had no effect. I've done my bit so I've grown to accept that it is what it is. Every other aspect of our marriage is great so, actually, I'm ok with mediocre sex." Lady Lick You wouldn’t be in a sexless marriage with me huni. You look amazing great pics and profile | |||
"I am in a sexless type of marriage, but I love my wife. By "sexless type" I mean that she realises I need something and that something is "PROVIDED" for with a perfunctory wank every 6 weeks or so and even then only if she decides I must "need" one. It is fucking awful but you get to a point of accepting what you can get. She has not kissed me with tongues in 8 or 9 years. We cuddle but there is no penetrative sex. As many have said, cuddling does exist and holding hands and nonsexual touching. The second nonsexual touching becomes sexual it is stopped unless it's perfunctory wank time. I don't want a divorce and I want to grow older and greyer with her. She has told me to go get sex elsewhere, but even in the swinging world, this appears to be close to impossible. Our libidos are no longer matched. After the menopause, over time she lost all interest in sex. She had gone through a period of going through the motions, but eventually stopped that. We had a conversation, hours of tears and then what it's become. I have sought a FWB or someone to meet up with once a month for a nice afternoon or evening, no strings. Sadly not to be found as yet. This sounds very familiar. My wife’s libido started to dwindle after the birth of our son. Post natal depression never really went away, then the menopause. We haven’t been intimate in nearly a decade. However, we have built a home, brought up a child to be proud of, supported elderly parents as their health failed, and aided each other in achieving our own personal goals. Lack of sex isn’t something that I’m prepared to throw all that away for. We have tried talking, but the upset and distress it caused my wife simply isn’t something that I want to revisit. Sex did resume, briefly, but it was so obvious that she wasn’t enjoying it that I couldn’t continue. I live in hope that, one day, things might change. " This is really sad, I feel for you both and your wives to be fair, i've been her in the past after I had our last child, life, exhaustion, depression, zero confidence and Mum body take over and we end up feeling the furthest away from anything remotely sexual, even now I struggle a fair bit but I love the bones of my OH and went on a quest to find someone that would have some intimate fun with him occasionally but he couldn't do it and the idea of it broke me in the end. Luckily my libido has come back a little now. I've never felt guilt likr it when I couldn't give him what he needed and that made the situation worse, I was so scared he was going to leave me  | |||
"I'm pretty sure you can enjoy a sexless marriage, it all depends on the dynamic of the couple involved. In my personal experience however it can be hurtful as I went through the slow decline of our previously healthy sex life and ended up with the "I love you but I'm not in love with you comments" from her when I tried as ask what was wrong. I evebtually accepted she had lost her sex drive and was coming to terms with that until I realised she still had urges, just not with me anymore. Now we're divorced and both much happier. Lol " I think sadly it is quite often the case that the wife hasn’t lost her sex drive, she’s just not particularly attracted to her husband any more | |||
"I'm pretty sure you can enjoy a sexless marriage, it all depends on the dynamic of the couple involved. In my personal experience however it can be hurtful as I went through the slow decline of our previously healthy sex life and ended up with the "I love you but I'm not in love with you comments" from her when I tried as ask what was wrong. I evebtually accepted she had lost her sex drive and was coming to terms with that until I realised she still had urges, just not with me anymore. Now we're divorced and both much happier. Lol I think sadly it is quite often the case that the wife hasn’t lost her sex drive, she’s just not particularly attracted to her husband any more " Familiarity breeds contempt | |||
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"I'm pretty sure you can enjoy a sexless marriage, it all depends on the dynamic of the couple involved. In my personal experience however it can be hurtful as I went through the slow decline of our previously healthy sex life and ended up with the "I love you but I'm not in love with you comments" from her when I tried as ask what was wrong. I evebtually accepted she had lost her sex drive and was coming to terms with that until I realised she still had urges, just not with me anymore. Now we're divorced and both much happier. Lol I think sadly it is quite often the case that the wife hasn’t lost her sex drive, she’s just not particularly attracted to her husband any more Familiarity breeds contempt " Can you still be madly inlove with someone and want to grow old with them but the sexual attraction side of it has gone? | |||
"There are so many facet’s to a marriage and yes sex is one of them but a diamond is still a diamond even with one less facet it might not sparkle as bright as it once did and marriage can be the same but imagining life without that other person can feel like a life not worth living it would rare you sole apart but the love has to be there there can be love with no sex it works for many many people but if for instance I was unable to have sex or vice versa in a marriage I’d let and want for that person to still have sex with other people if they wanted to because life is for living." I agree with what you say | |||
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" This is really sad, I feel for you both and your wives to be fair, i've been her in the past after I had our last child, life, exhaustion, depression, zero confidence and Mum body take over and we end up feeling the furthest away from anything remotely sexual, even now I struggle a fair bit but I love the bones of my OH and went on a quest to find someone that would have some intimate fun with him occasionally but he couldn't do it and the idea of it broke me in the end. Luckily my libido has come back a little now. I've never felt guilt likr it when I couldn't give him what he needed and that made the situation worse, I was so scared he was going to leave me "Thanks for your perspective from the other side. Relationships are always more complicated than they appear aren’t they? | |||
"Maybe they're both asexual. Maybe there's medical reasons. " I think there's a heck of a lot of people on the Asexual spectrum who don't realise it. | |||
"I always feel sad when I hear of sexless marriages in which the wife has told her husband to look for sex elsewhere. “We can’t have sex, so go and be an older, married man on fabswingers, with a single-male profile.” " Why does it make you sad if it works for them? | |||
"I always feel sad when I hear of sexless marriages in which the wife has told her husband to look for sex elsewhere. “We can’t have sex, so go and be an older, married man on fabswingers, with a single-male profile.” Why does it make you sad if it works for them?" Because, as numerous forum posts attest, being a single male on Fabs without youth/beauty can be a very thankless position. Not to mention that many women will assume they’re cheating. I believe that very many men in that position would struggle to find sex outside marriage, even if they want it. | |||
"I am in a sexless type of marriage, but I love my wife. By "sexless type" I mean that she realises I need something and that something is "PROVIDED" for with a perfunctory wank every 6 weeks or so and even then only if she decides I must "need" one. It is fucking awful but you get to a point of accepting what you can get. She has not kissed me with tongues in 8 or 9 years. We cuddle but there is no penetrative sex. As many have said, cuddling does exist and holding hands and nonsexual touching. The second nonsexual touching becomes sexual it is stopped unless it's perfunctory wank time. I don't want a divorce and I want to grow older and greyer with her. She has told me to go get sex elsewhere, but even in the swinging world, this appears to be close to impossible. Our libidos are no longer matched. After the menopause, over time she lost all interest in sex. She had gone through a period of going through the motions, but eventually stopped that. We had a conversation, hours of tears and then what it's become. I have sought a FWB or someone to meet up with once a month for a nice afternoon or evening, no strings. Sadly not to be found as yet." Totally understand! You’re not alone. More similar to my situation than I’m prepared to admit! | |||
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"I'm pretty sure you can enjoy a sexless marriage, it all depends on the dynamic of the couple involved. In my personal experience however it can be hurtful as I went through the slow decline of our previously healthy sex life and ended up with the "I love you but I'm not in love with you comments" from her when I tried as ask what was wrong. I evebtually accepted she had lost her sex drive and was coming to terms with that until I realised she still had urges, just not with me anymore. Now we're divorced and both much happier. Lol I think sadly it is quite often the case that the wife hasn’t lost her sex drive, she’s just not particularly attracted to her husband any more " Many long term relationships have slid into the "friendzone" never to be sexually reignited | |||
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"Surly you must know things arnt right?? " I did, and now I'm divorced. Luke | |||
"I'm pretty sure you can enjoy a sexless marriage, it all depends on the dynamic of the couple involved. In my personal experience however it can be hurtful as I went through the slow decline of our previously healthy sex life and ended up with the "I love you but I'm not in love with you comments" from her when I tried as ask what was wrong. I evebtually accepted she had lost her sex drive and was coming to terms with that until I realised she still had urges, just not with me anymore. Now we're divorced and both much happier. Lol I think sadly it is quite often the case that the wife hasn’t lost her sex drive, she’s just not particularly attracted to her husband any more Many long term relationships have slid into the "friendzone" never to be sexually reignited" Very true. Very sad. Life is short. | |||
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"There could be no sex in the marriage due to medical reasons. Sex does not make or break the marriage if both understand it's just a physical urge. A bit like food. Nobody is jumping to divorce solution if they can't cook. They just order a takeaway or go to eat to a pub. No difference with sex." I’m sure having sex in the pub is frowned upon  | |||
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" 3 years ago I started nsa "cheating". I attempted to explain this in another thread, and was shouted down by vanilla swingers." Does your wife know? If not, then why don't you tell her? | |||
" 3 years ago I started nsa "cheating". I attempted to explain this in another thread, and was shouted down by vanilla swingers. Does your wife know? If not, then why don't you tell her? " She would be very upset and furious. It would end our marriage. | |||
" 3 years ago I started nsa "cheating". I attempted to explain this in another thread, and was shouted down by vanilla swingers. Does your wife know? If not, then why don't you tell her? She would be very upset and furious. It would end our marriage." It may not. She may be open to the idea. | |||
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"Many reasons. I have been happily married for a very long time. I dearly love my wife. We are together for life. I have always had a higher sex drive. Hers diminished with age, menopause, illnesses. We still have occasional enjoyable vanilla sex...full last week and 6 months ago, mutual wank 3 months ago. 3 years ago I started nsa "cheating". I attempted to explain this in another thread, and was shouted down by vanilla swingers." Calling people vanilla for having morals is a half arsed attempt at making us seem somehow "the problem" No sweetcheeks, the problem is not having the bollocks to fess up. You say she would be furious and end the marriage. You ain't even giving her the option. You're tricking her into staying in a marriage that's bullshit. Nice. People top themselves over that kinda stuff when the truth comes out, which it generally does. | |||
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"I was in a sexless relationship for almost 8 years. It was very difficult and damaged my self confidence massively. I loved him, I didn’t cheat in any way. I tried counselling etc but it couldn’t be fixed, so we split. " I feel this deeply! Lack of sex in my 5 year relationship led to my weight ballooning and my self confidence was decimated! Was 9 stone when we met and 17 when we split. The end of the relationship a year ago led to me reclaiming my confidence and losing 8 stone | |||
"Sometimes you fall out of love but are still best friends. And raising the kids together is more important " Absolutely this - my husband is my best mate but we fell out of love. We have kids - neither of us wanted to be with the kids only 50% of the time so we love together. However we are both on here and we let each other know if we have plans. It is an unconventional way to work, but it works for us. | |||
"Sometimes you fall out of love but are still best friends. And raising the kids together is more important Absolutely this - my husband is my best mate but we fell out of love. We have kids - neither of us wanted to be with the kids only 50% of the time so we love together. However we are both on here and we let each other know if we have plans. It is an unconventional way to work, but it works for us. "I actually think this is lovely and a very mature way of doing things! A situation that provides you both with some happiness and doesn’t affect the kids. | |||
"Sometimes you fall out of love but are still best friends. And raising the kids together is more important Absolutely this - my husband is my best mate but we fell out of love. We have kids - neither of us wanted to be with the kids only 50% of the time so we love together. However we are both on here and we let each other know if we have plans. It is an unconventional way to work, but it works for us.
I actually think this is lovely and a very mature way of doing things! A situation that provides you both with some happiness and doesn’t affect the kids. "Yep. Can totally be done if you're willing to communicate efficiently, honestly and with the same end goal. | |||
" No sweetcheeks, the problem is not having the bollocks to fess up. You say she would be furious and end the marriage. You ain't even giving her the option. You're tricking her into staying in a marriage that's bullshit. Nice. People top themselves over that kinda stuff when the truth comes out, which it generally does." I don’t know anything about that poster’s situation, but in mine I think that, given the reaction I received the last time I tried to raise the subject of lack of intimacy - tears, deepening depression, serious concern for her wellbeing - I am simply not prepared to raise it again. Yes, in my situation, getting caught may well end my relationship, and you’re absolutely right that it could have devastating consequences. But so did trying to talk about it before, and almost certainly so will splitting up without having sought solace elsewhere. And what about my mental health? I love my wife dearly, but a life without any intimacy is no life at all. I simply don’t know what to do for the best. | |||
" No sweetcheeks, the problem is not having the bollocks to fess up. You say she would be furious and end the marriage. You ain't even giving her the option. You're tricking her into staying in a marriage that's bullshit. Nice. People top themselves over that kinda stuff when the truth comes out, which it generally does. I don’t know anything about that poster’s situation, but in mine I think that, given the reaction I received the last time I tried to raise the subject of lack of intimacy - tears, deepening depression, serious concern for her wellbeing - I am simply not prepared to raise it again. Yes, in my situation, getting caught may well end my relationship, and you’re absolutely right that it could have devastating consequences. But so did trying to talk about it before, and almost certainly so will splitting up without having sought solace elsewhere. And what about my mental health? I love my wife dearly, but a life without any intimacy is no life at all. I simply don’t know what to do for the best. " If your wife was your daughter, and was in the exact scenario you find yourself in, how would you want her husband to behave? Would you encourage deception and cheating? Your wife is still someone's daughter. I don't have the answers, all I have is my own experience and from that I can tell you I almost ended my own life. Learning that the person you have everything invested into has been lying to you does one of 2 things, makes you angry and determined to build a new life for yourself or destroys you from the inside out. Depression is a killer. Literally. I don't envy your situation, however I would ask about counselling for you both, as a couple, for you to help support her. You would then be given the chance to open up and she may hear things from your perspective but with a professional on board. Again, I can't say this is the answer but is certainly an option. | |||
" Again, I can't say this is the answer but is certainly an option." Wise words. I appreciate the time you have taken to post. I am genuinely at my wits end with my domestic situation, which is complicated by more than just our sex life. | |||
" No sweetcheeks, the problem is not having the bollocks to fess up. You say she would be furious and end the marriage. You ain't even giving her the option. You're tricking her into staying in a marriage that's bullshit. Nice. People top themselves over that kinda stuff when the truth comes out, which it generally does. I don’t know anything about that poster’s situation, but in mine I think that, given the reaction I received the last time I tried to raise the subject of lack of intimacy - tears, deepening depression, serious concern for her wellbeing - I am simply not prepared to raise it again. Yes, in my situation, getting caught may well end my relationship, and you’re absolutely right that it could have devastating consequences. But so did trying to talk about it before, and almost certainly so will splitting up without having sought solace elsewhere. And what about my mental health? I love my wife dearly, but a life without any intimacy is no life at all. I simply don’t know what to do for the best. If your wife was your daughter, and was in the exact scenario you find yourself in, how would you want her husband to behave? Would you encourage deception and cheating? Your wife is still someone's daughter. I don't have the answers, all I have is my own experience and from that I can tell you I almost ended my own life. Learning that the person you have everything invested into has been lying to you does one of 2 things, makes you angry and determined to build a new life for yourself or destroys you from the inside out. Depression is a killer. Literally. I don't envy your situation, however I would ask about counselling for you both, as a couple, for you to help support her. You would then be given the chance to open up and she may hear things from your perspective but with a professional on board. Again, I can't say this is the answer but is certainly an option." Cheating is never the answer, it destroys a life far more than ending a relationship ever will. | |||
" No sweetcheeks, the problem is not having the bollocks to fess up. You say she would be furious and end the marriage. You ain't even giving her the option. You're tricking her into staying in a marriage that's bullshit. Nice. People top themselves over that kinda stuff when the truth comes out, which it generally does. I don’t know anything about that poster’s situation, but in mine I think that, given the reaction I received the last time I tried to raise the subject of lack of intimacy - tears, deepening depression, serious concern for her wellbeing - I am simply not prepared to raise it again. Yes, in my situation, getting caught may well end my relationship, and you’re absolutely right that it could have devastating consequences. But so did trying to talk about it before, and almost certainly so will splitting up without having sought solace elsewhere. And what about my mental health? I love my wife dearly, but a life without any intimacy is no life at all. I simply don’t know what to do for the best. If your wife was your daughter, and was in the exact scenario you find yourself in, how would you want her husband to behave? Would you encourage deception and cheating? Your wife is still someone's daughter. I don't have the answers, all I have is my own experience and from that I can tell you I almost ended my own life. Learning that the person you have everything invested into has been lying to you does one of 2 things, makes you angry and determined to build a new life for yourself or destroys you from the inside out. Depression is a killer. Literally. I don't envy your situation, however I would ask about counselling for you both, as a couple, for you to help support her. You would then be given the chance to open up and she may hear things from your perspective but with a professional on board. Again, I can't say this is the answer but is certainly an option. Cheating is never the answer, it destroys a life far more than ending a relationship ever will. " | |||
"I always feel sad when I hear of sexless marriages in which the wife has told her husband to look for sex elsewhere. “We can’t have sex, so go and be an older, married man on fabswingers, with a single-male profile.” Why does it make you sad if it works for them? Because, as numerous forum posts attest, being a single male on Fabs without youth/beauty can be a very thankless position. Not to mention that many women will assume they’re cheating. I believe that very many men in that position would struggle to find sex outside marriage, even if they want it." Spot on with the cheating assumption in most cases; try adding a beard into the equation for additional repulsion.
It just takes a lot more effort to find compatible people; blokes like me just have to be willing to put in the time to get the results. | |||
"Sometimes you fall out of love but are still best friends. And raising the kids together is more important Absolutely this - my husband is my best mate but we fell out of love. We have kids - neither of us wanted to be with the kids only 50% of the time so we love together. However we are both on here and we let each other know if we have plans. It is an unconventional way to work, but it works for us. "Unconventional.....I wouldn't say that. No 2 relationships on here or ones u have with other people are the same. U've both found what works for u to allow u both to be individuals and still ave some kind of relationship. Whatever other people say/do about yr way of working it out is irrelevant as sometimes those from the outside looking in ave no idea really of yr circumstances or how u actually feel. I've several friends that are struggling and so unhappy in their relationships Im very happy for you. | |||
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