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What is femininity?
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A thread on pretty a couple of weeks ago got me thinking. Pretty is something normally associated with feminity. And although sociologists think femininity is a socially construct. What is femininity? And what are feminine traits? What feminine traits do men commonly display?
Do you think femininity has changed over the years? Is femininity a positive thing and affects all genders or not? Who do you think of as someone who exudes feminine energy?
Lots of questions I know, but I tried to define what femininity means and I kind of struggled with it. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
This is an interesting one!
I asked the same question of masculinity a while ago and only got tropes as responses or sexist cliches!
It’s a deeply cyclical concept based on societal expectations and behaviours rooted in tradition |
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Ooohhh interesting!! I really struggle with this concept as I’ve never felt feminine. I’m womanly in a back slapping sarcastic girls girl one of the guys kinda way, which goes against everything I perceive to be feminine.. I’ll come back to this after coffee..  |
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"This is an interesting one!
I asked the same question of masculinity a while ago and only got tropes as responses or sexist cliches!
It’s a deeply cyclical concept based on societal expectations and behaviours rooted in tradition"
I tend to agree with you there Tea.
When I was thinking of someone who exudes feminine energy which I kind of found easier than defining it. My mind came up with people like Rhianna, Lady Gaga, Serena Williams and Michelle Obama. But what is it about these women think of them as having feminine energy?
Or is all nonsense and there is no such thing as masculinity and femininity? Just people? |
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I think it is socially constructed. Feminine traits for me include being selfless especially once children appear, strength to endure, the ability to survive, empathy and caring. It has nothing to do with high heels, pouting, make up, long hair, being sexually used or being hot. |
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I've always been one of the lads. It helps me and both hinders me. I don't see when guys cross the line between being a mate and wanting to be with me  I'm oblivious most of the time as I'm too busy taking the piss and having a laugh but most guys then take it too far and ruin it. I can count on one hand the guy friends I have who have never tried to flirt with me in the slightest.
I think it stems from lack of Confidence never felt feminine or girly so always played safe and settled in the friend zone which was OK when I was younger but now it can and has caused trouble for me. Lost a few friends through it.
The friend zone I put myself in made me feel like I was safe from the sexual side of what's meant to be a platonic relationship with guys but this only endeared me to them more, which was a foreign concept and I had no idea of how to deal with that, I've always been the chubby friend of the pretty girls.
Hubby goes mad saying I'm not but I still can't see why anyone would want me as more than a friend (this isn't a comment for anyone to say oh but that's crazy or whatever) it's just how I see myself I guess x still that awkward left out teenager.
So in short I'm basically a lad at heart but now I like to feel feminine with my lingerie and am starting to understand the power aspects of femininity brings.
Sorry if that's a bit off thread lol x |
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"I think it is socially constructed. Feminine traits for me include being selfless especially once children appear, strength to endure, the ability to survive, empathy and caring. It has nothing to do with high heels, pouting, make up, long hair, being sexually used or being hot."
I agree I don't think femininity is to do with looks, even though pretty is normally associated with feminity.
I do however find women who are sexually confident as having some kind of femine energy. But maybe that's a social construct idea in my head with thoughts of mother earth perhaps? |
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"Ooohhh interesting!! I really struggle with this concept as I’ve never felt feminine. I’m womanly in a back slapping sarcastic girls girl one of the guys kinda way, which goes against everything I perceive to be feminine.. I’ll come back to this after coffee.. "
Saffron this is me too. We'd be mates! I have this wierd thing about earrings and always feel like I'm a drag queen when I wear them.  struggle to think of myself as feminine. |
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"I've always been one of the lads. It helps me and both hinders me. I don't see when guys cross the line between being a mate and wanting to be with me I'm oblivious most of the time as I'm too busy taking the piss and having a laugh but most guys then take it too far and ruin it. I can count on one hand the guy friends I have who have never tried to flirt with me in the slightest.
I think it stems from lack of Confidence never felt feminine or girly so always played safe and settled in the friend zone which was OK when I was younger but now it can and has caused trouble for me. Lost a few friends through it.
The friend zone I put myself in made me feel like I was safe from the sexual side of what's meant to be a platonic relationship with guys but this only endeared me to them more, which was a foreign concept and I had no idea of how to deal with that, I've always been the chubby friend of the pretty girls.
Hubby goes mad saying I'm not but I still can't see why anyone would want me as more than a friend (this isn't a comment for anyone to say oh but that's crazy or whatever) it's just how I see myself I guess x still that awkward left out teenager.
So in short I'm basically a lad at heart but now I like to feel feminine with my lingerie and am starting to understand the power aspects of femininity brings.
Sorry if that's a bit off thread lol x "
No it's completely bang on thread. See I don't think dressing up in dresses or lingerie etc makes anyone feminine personally. Most of my mates are men and I work in a male oriented work place so I'm similar.
I think the idea of femininity has changed a lot in the last decade or so. So I don't really fully understand what the heck it actually is. But to me it seems something some women feel bad they are not, but nobody can tell me what it actually is. |
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"I've always been one of the lads. It helps me and both hinders me. I don't see when guys cross the line between being a mate and wanting to be with me I'm oblivious most of the time as I'm too busy taking the piss and having a laugh but most guys then take it too far and ruin it. I can count on one hand the guy friends I have who have never tried to flirt with me in the slightest.
I think it stems from lack of Confidence never felt feminine or girly so always played safe and settled in the friend zone which was OK when I was younger but now it can and has caused trouble for me. Lost a few friends through it.
The friend zone I put myself in made me feel like I was safe from the sexual side of what's meant to be a platonic relationship with guys but this only endeared me to them more, which was a foreign concept and I had no idea of how to deal with that, I've always been the chubby friend of the pretty girls.
Hubby goes mad saying I'm not but I still can't see why anyone would want me as more than a friend (this isn't a comment for anyone to say oh but that's crazy or whatever) it's just how I see myself I guess x still that awkward left out teenager.
So in short I'm basically a lad at heart but now I like to feel feminine with my lingerie and am starting to understand the power aspects of femininity brings.
Sorry if that's a bit off thread lol x "
Am so with you here x |
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"I've always been one of the lads. It helps me and both hinders me. I don't see when guys cross the line between being a mate and wanting to be with me I'm oblivious most of the time as I'm too busy taking the piss and having a laugh but most guys then take it too far and ruin it. I can count on one hand the guy friends I have who have never tried to flirt with me in the slightest.
I think it stems from lack of Confidence never felt feminine or girly so always played safe and settled in the friend zone which was OK when I was younger but now it can and has caused trouble for me. Lost a few friends through it.
The friend zone I put myself in made me feel like I was safe from the sexual side of what's meant to be a platonic relationship with guys but this only endeared me to them more, which was a foreign concept and I had no idea of how to deal with that, I've always been the chubby friend of the pretty girls.
Hubby goes mad saying I'm not but I still can't see why anyone would want me as more than a friend (this isn't a comment for anyone to say oh but that's crazy or whatever) it's just how I see myself I guess x still that awkward left out teenager.
So in short I'm basically a lad at heart but now I like to feel feminine with my lingerie and am starting to understand the power aspects of femininity brings.
Sorry if that's a bit off thread lol x
Am so with you here x"
Yay I'm not alone   x it's a minefield.... |
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"It is a social construct and so is gender.
I don't like either of them personally and I think terms like femininity have a far more negative impact than positive on society and people.
"
On the basis of this thread alone I would have to agree with you there.
It seems like a vague concept that is used to make people feel bad.
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I think it is socially constructed. Feminine traits for me include being selfless especially once children appear, strength to endure, the ability to survive, empathy and caring. It has nothing to do with high heels, pouting, make up, long hair, being sexually used or being hot."
The funny thing is that those qualities are also given as masculine traits |
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"It is a social construct and so is gender.
I don't like either of them personally and I think terms like femininity have a far more negative impact than positive on society and people.
On the basis of this thread alone I would have to agree with you there.
It seems like a vague concept that is used to make people feel bad.
"
Absolutely! The thread is full of women like me saying how we don't fit the concept! I'd like to think I'm strong, and caring, flirty and funny, sexy and confident. None of those are feminine traits in my head |
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"It is a social construct and so is gender.
I don't like either of them personally and I think terms like femininity have a far more negative impact than positive on society and people.
On the basis of this thread alone I would have to agree with you there.
It seems like a vague concept that is used to make people feel bad.
Absolutely! The thread is full of women like me saying how we don't fit the concept! I'd like to think I'm strong, and caring, flirty and funny, sexy and confident. None of those are feminine traits in my head "
See in my head they are, which leads me to think. We have this old fashioned 50's idea of femininity. When time has most definitely moved on since then |
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I suppose it means different things to different people. Ultimately femininity and masculinity are labels we give to certain sets of characteristics and behaviours with extremes at either end. The problems arise when the labels are applied to or confused with gender.
The concept of feminine and masculine is very deeply ingrained so much so that in many languages objects are feminine or mascilne. |
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femininity seems odd to me. a made up concept to fit the "norm"... is the question more along the lines of what defines a woman and i dont mean physical attributes like breasts etc. Some men are very female in there behaviours and affectations... i will get me coat |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it is socially constructed. Feminine traits for me include being selfless especially once children appear, strength to endure, the ability to survive, empathy and caring. It has nothing to do with high heels, pouting, make up, long hair, being sexually used or being hot.
The funny thing is that those qualities are also given as masculine traits"
I think women tend to be far more "agreeable" in their nature than men. At least Jordan Peterson is always banging on about that. And it makes sense from an evolutionary sense.
Everything else that's classed as femininity has evolved over the years as a result of the beliefs and even fashions of the time. |
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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago
Dublin |
"It is a social construct and so is gender.
I don't like either of them personally and I think terms like femininity have a far more negative impact than positive on society and people.
On the basis of this thread alone I would have to agree with you there.
It seems like a vague concept that is used to make people feel bad.
"
Absolutely. They are traits that have been used to control people. Either through people feel shame, guilt, fear, insecure to alter their behaviour and how they act.
The same with "masculinity" and the terms associated with that.
Femininity ilhas traditionally been strongly linked to women and being a woman. The way society has historical implied that being selfless, kind and caring is only for women is such an unhealthy foundation to built a society of people on.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think women tend to be far more "agreeable" in their nature than men. At least Jordan Peterson is always banging on about that. And it makes sense from an evolutionary sense."
I'd say the opposite.
And women can really hang on to things. For a really, long time... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think women tend to be far more "agreeable" in their nature than men. At least Jordan Peterson is always banging on about that. And it makes sense from an evolutionary sense.
I'd say the opposite.
And women can really hang on to things. For a really, long time..."
What does having a long memory have to do with being agreeable? |
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"
See in my head they are, which leads me to think. We have this old fashioned 50's idea of femininity. When time has most definitely moved on since then "
Could that be because c.1950 is probably the last period in history where a mainstream common concensus on what constituted femininity was generally accepted and unchallenged (in western cultures)?
It has since been challenged and deconstructed in many ways (alongside masculinity), which has generally lead to more thoughtful positions... and the idea that perhaps both masculinity and femininity are not terribly useful concepts... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think women tend to be far more "agreeable" in their nature than men. At least Jordan Peterson is always banging on about that. And it makes sense from an evolutionary sense.
I'd say the opposite.
And women can really hang on to things. For a really, long time...
What does having a long memory have to do with being agreeable?"
Depends what you're remembering. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think women tend to be far more "agreeable" in their nature than men. At least Jordan Peterson is always banging on about that. And it makes sense from an evolutionary sense.
I'd say the opposite.
And women can really hang on to things. For a really, long time...
What does having a long memory have to do with being agreeable?
Depends what you're remembering."
Ha ha...OK...you got me  |
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"
See in my head they are, which leads me to think. We have this old fashioned 50's idea of femininity. When time has most definitely moved on since then
Could that be because c.1950 is probably the last period in history where a mainstream common concensus on what constituted femininity was generally accepted and unchallenged (in western cultures)?
It has since been challenged and deconstructed in many ways (alongside masculinity), which has generally lead to more thoughtful positions... and the idea that perhaps both masculinity and femininity are not terribly useful concepts..."
I like this theory. I do kind of wonder if that is some of it. When we think femininity many think dresses, suspenders and the like which is to me very 50's look. Which is popular and thought of as a feminine look.
They are not useful concepts but ones many seem to think about. Which is what got me thinking what does it actually mean now? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’ve always been very feminine in myself, in my way of being, and what I like. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t have that femininity in me - something that for a long time, I tried to reel in and was a cause of real shame. But now it makes sense because it’s interconnected with who I am
feminine energy is about being receptive and taking things in, more about creativity, etc
There’s such a thing as feminine energy and masculine energy and every man and woman possesses both traits to an extent
I have to say that look wise, sometimes I’ve been told that I am hyper feminine to over compensate (when it comes to how I look or what I wear).
|
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"A thread on pretty a couple of weeks ago got me thinking. Pretty is something normally associated with feminity. And although sociologists think femininity is a socially construct. What is femininity? And what are feminine traits? What feminine traits do men commonly display?
Do you think femininity has changed over the years? Is femininity a positive thing and affects all genders or not? Who do you think of as someone who exudes feminine energy?
Lots of questions I know, but I tried to define what femininity means and I kind of struggled with it. "
Bloody hell… that’s a deep one for a Thursday morning…
Ok…
I think in the main it is a “mostly” outdated societal construct created to essentially help the separation of traditional roles and values between men and women…
Men are “supposed” to be rugged, physically capable, stoic etc… Women are “supposed” to be pretty, sensitive, reliant on men etc.
Obviously this is outdated thinking and there is a massive overlap between what men and women actually are like.
I’m not sure I can describe what feminine actually is anymore… a lot of masculine traits are rightly viewed as toxic nowadays, so shouldn’t the same be true of a lot of feminine traits? |
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"
Could that be because c.1950 is probably the last period in history where a mainstream common concensus on what constituted femininity was generally accepted and unchallenged (in western cultures)?
It has since been challenged and deconstructed in many ways (alongside masculinity), which has generally lead to more thoughtful positions... and the idea that perhaps both masculinity and femininity are not terribly useful concepts...
I like this theory. I do kind of wonder if that is some of it. When we think femininity many think dresses, suspenders and the like which is to me very 50's look. Which is popular and thought of as a feminine look.
They are not useful concepts but ones many seem to think about. Which is what got me thinking what does it actually mean now? "
It's interesting that the "50's look" has had a resurgence in popularity (both in mainstream fashion and the kink world).
This is probably a Good Thing if it's a sign of people taking ownership of gender role expectations and making their own choices and probably a Bad Thing if it's just nostalgia for a simpler time... |
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"I’ve always been very feminine in myself, in my way of being, and what I like. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t have that femininity in me - something that for a long time, I tried to reel in and was a cause of real shame. But now it makes sense because it’s interconnected with who I am
feminine energy is about being receptive and taking things in, more about creativity, etc
There’s such a thing as feminine energy and masculine energy and every man and woman possesses both traits to an extent
I have to say that look wise, sometimes I’ve been told that I am hyper feminine to over compensate (when it comes to how I look or what I wear).
"
feminine energy is about being receptive and taking things in, more about creativity, etc
But I don't think creativity as being particularly feminine or masculine traits. My favourite sculpture is male, painter female and composer is male.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Was that an agreeable 'you got me?' 
Yes....cause I'm dead feminine 
(But your card is marked pal...won't forget that comment...... )"
If you're truly feminine you'll bring it up when I least expect it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve always been very feminine in myself, in my way of being, and what I like. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t have that femininity in me - something that for a long time, I tried to reel in and was a cause of real shame. But now it makes sense because it’s interconnected with who I am
feminine energy is about being receptive and taking things in, more about creativity, etc
There’s such a thing as feminine energy and masculine energy and every man and woman possesses both traits to an extent
I have to say that look wise, sometimes I’ve been told that I am hyper feminine to over compensate (when it comes to how I look or what I wear).
feminine energy is about being receptive and taking things in, more about creativity, etc
But I don't think creativity as being particularly feminine or masculine traits. My favourite sculpture is male, painter female and composer is male.
"
Look at a composer like Chopin, he definitely had to be in touch with his feminine energy to create such graceful melodies that you can hear in nocturnes, for examples.
I think to be creative , that person requires to be in touch with that feminine energy, in ways.
But that’s why some male artists might be confused and thought as “gay” which is obviously a wrong perception.
If you take someone who works in a mine for example, isn’t going to need that feminine energy (particularly for that job)
But is more about raw energy and physical tasks that are, considered more masculine.
I hope it makes sense |
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"A thread on pretty a couple of weeks ago got me thinking. Pretty is something normally associated with feminity. And although sociologists think femininity is a socially construct. What is femininity? And what are feminine traits? What feminine traits do men commonly display?
Do you think femininity has changed over the years? Is femininity a positive thing and affects all genders or not? Who do you think of as someone who exudes feminine energy?
Lots of questions I know, but I tried to define what femininity means and I kind of struggled with it.
Bloody hell… that’s a deep one for a Thursday morning…
Ok…
I think in the main it is a “mostly” outdated societal construct created to essentially help the separation of traditional roles and values between men and women…
Men are “supposed” to be rugged, physically capable, stoic etc… Women are “supposed” to be pretty, sensitive, reliant on men etc.
Obviously this is outdated thinking and there is a massive overlap between what men and women actually are like.
I’m not sure I can describe what feminine actually is anymore… a lot of masculine traits are rightly viewed as toxic nowadays, so shouldn’t the same be true of a lot of feminine traits?"
I like your thinking, and I kind of agree. But there are some women I don't know exude a mother earth energy to me. And I think of them as highly feminine. But I define what makes those women feminine to me. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"
feminine energy is about being receptive and taking things in, more about creativity, etc
But I don't think creativity as being particularly feminine or masculine traits. My favourite sculpture is male, painter female and composer is male.
"
This sums it up for me - there are some traits, historically thought of as female qualities but really they are gender neutral e.g. just thinking of the many celebrity chefs as one example.
There is a difference between female and male energy, the relating to people, a possibly softer, more nurturing energy?
I do not believe it is a completely either/ or attribution though and there are always some exceptions. |
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"
Could that be because c.1950 is probably the last period in history where a mainstream common concensus on what constituted femininity was generally accepted and unchallenged (in western cultures)?
It has since been challenged and deconstructed in many ways (alongside masculinity), which has generally lead to more thoughtful positions... and the idea that perhaps both masculinity and femininity are not terribly useful concepts...
I like this theory. I do kind of wonder if that is some of it. When we think femininity many think dresses, suspenders and the like which is to me very 50's look. Which is popular and thought of as a feminine look.
They are not useful concepts but ones many seem to think about. Which is what got me thinking what does it actually mean now?
It's interesting that the "50's look" has had a resurgence in popularity (both in mainstream fashion and the kink world).
This is probably a Good Thing if it's a sign of people taking ownership of gender role expectations and making their own choices and probably a Bad Thing if it's just nostalgia for a simpler time... "
I work with men I've been seen pulling bits of machinery covered in oil. With heels and a 50s style dress. To me it is ownership of yes I'm a woman and I can look like this and do a typical masculine job. To me personally it shows the lines of these things are blurred. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Could that be because c.1950 is probably the last period in history where a mainstream common concensus on what constituted femininity was generally accepted and unchallenged (in western cultures)?
It has since been challenged and deconstructed in many ways (alongside masculinity), which has generally lead to more thoughtful positions... and the idea that perhaps both masculinity and femininity are not terribly useful concepts...
I like this theory. I do kind of wonder if that is some of it. When we think femininity many think dresses, suspenders and the like which is to me very 50's look. Which is popular and thought of as a feminine look.
They are not useful concepts but ones many seem to think about. Which is what got me thinking what does it actually mean now?
It's interesting that the "50's look" has had a resurgence in popularity (both in mainstream fashion and the kink world).
This is probably a Good Thing if it's a sign of people taking ownership of gender role expectations and making their own choices and probably a Bad Thing if it's just nostalgia for a simpler time...
I work with men I've been seen pulling bits of machinery covered in oil. With heels and a 50s style dress. To me it is ownership of yes I'm a woman and I can look like this and do a typical masculine job. To me personally it shows the lines of these things are blurred. "
I don’t think it’s heels or a dress that makes someone feminine in their way of being.
As you said before, you said how is it that it boils down to long lashes and long nails??
It can be part of it as it may be a feminine look, but it extends to way more than looks. I think the energy is than just looks and you can just tell when you are in presence of masculine or feminine energy and to recognise which is which. |
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"I’ve always been very feminine in myself, in my way of being, and what I like. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t have that femininity in me - something that for a long time, I tried to reel in and was a cause of real shame. But now it makes sense because it’s interconnected with who I am
feminine energy is about being receptive and taking things in, more about creativity, etc
There’s such a thing as feminine energy and masculine energy and every man and woman possesses both traits to an extent
I have to say that look wise, sometimes I’ve been told that I am hyper feminine to over compensate (when it comes to how I look or what I wear).
feminine energy is about being receptive and taking things in, more about creativity, etc
But I don't think creativity as being particularly feminine or masculine traits. My favourite sculpture is male, painter female and composer is male.
Look at a composer like Chopin, he definitely had to be in touch with his feminine energy to create such graceful melodies that you can hear in nocturnes, for examples.
I think to be creative , that person requires to be in touch with that feminine energy, in ways.
But that’s why some male artists might be confused and thought as “gay” which is obviously a wrong perception.
If you take someone who works in a mine for example, isn’t going to need that feminine energy (particularly for that job)
But is more about raw energy and physical tasks that are, considered more masculine.
I hope it makes sense"
I hear you and yes it makes sense. Though I'm not sure I agree. Look at the folk art those miners or prisoner of war camps made. Male voice choirs from Wales and bands in the north are commonly associated with the pits. Eisteddfods in Wales where it was farmers and common folk competing in creative and bardic competitions. All of these are creative and artistic. True it's folk art and not seen as much as those who were better off, but they exist. But I'm going off tangent to my thread now oops |
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"
Could that be because c.1950 is probably the last period in history where a mainstream common concensus on what constituted femininity was generally accepted and unchallenged (in western cultures)?
It has since been challenged and deconstructed in many ways (alongside masculinity), which has generally lead to more thoughtful positions... and the idea that perhaps both masculinity and femininity are not terribly useful concepts...
I like this theory. I do kind of wonder if that is some of it. When we think femininity many think dresses, suspenders and the like which is to me very 50's look. Which is popular and thought of as a feminine look.
They are not useful concepts but ones many seem to think about. Which is what got me thinking what does it actually mean now?
It's interesting that the "50's look" has had a resurgence in popularity (both in mainstream fashion and the kink world).
This is probably a Good Thing if it's a sign of people taking ownership of gender role expectations and making their own choices and probably a Bad Thing if it's just nostalgia for a simpler time...
I work with men I've been seen pulling bits of machinery covered in oil. With heels and a 50s style dress. To me it is ownership of yes I'm a woman and I can look like this and do a typical masculine job. To me personally it shows the lines of these things are blurred. "
Oh, we couldn't agree more. That blurring seems like a good thing to us, especially if it reduces reasons for people to feel bad for not fitting someone else's opinion of what they should be. |
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"
Could that be because c.1950 is probably the last period in history where a mainstream common concensus on what constituted femininity was generally accepted and unchallenged (in western cultures)?
It has since been challenged and deconstructed in many ways (alongside masculinity), which has generally lead to more thoughtful positions... and the idea that perhaps both masculinity and femininity are not terribly useful concepts...
I like this theory. I do kind of wonder if that is some of it. When we think femininity many think dresses, suspenders and the like which is to me very 50's look. Which is popular and thought of as a feminine look.
They are not useful concepts but ones many seem to think about. Which is what got me thinking what does it actually mean now?
It's interesting that the "50's look" has had a resurgence in popularity (both in mainstream fashion and the kink world).
This is probably a Good Thing if it's a sign of people taking ownership of gender role expectations and making their own choices and probably a Bad Thing if it's just nostalgia for a simpler time...
I work with men I've been seen pulling bits of machinery covered in oil. With heels and a 50s style dress. To me it is ownership of yes I'm a woman and I can look like this and do a typical masculine job. To me personally it shows the lines of these things are blurred.
I don’t think it’s heels or a dress that makes someone feminine in their way of being.
As you said before, you said how is it that it boils down to long lashes and long nails??
It can be part of it as it may be a feminine look, but it extends to way more than looks. I think the energy is than just looks and you can just tell when you are in presence of masculine or feminine energy and to recognise which is which. "
I agree it is more than just looks. But I enjoy that blurring of stereotypical roles. By looking stereotypically femine doing a stereotypical masculine job. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We all hold masculine and feminine energy within us.
It’s nothing to do with looks/actions, it just is, they can be weighted to one side or the other, but we all have both.
It’s a shame that there are societal expectations around this, as both can benefit is at different times
When I’m in my feminine, I’m soft, nurturing, gentle. |
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"We all hold masculine and feminine energy within us.
It’s nothing to do with looks/actions, it just is, they can be weighted to one side or the other, but we all have both.
It’s a shame that there are societal expectations around this, as both can benefit is at different times
When I’m in my feminine, I’m soft, nurturing, gentle."
So when men are soft, nutiring and gentle are they tapping into their feminine energy? Even if they were using their dominant energy moments before? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all hold masculine and feminine energy within us.
It’s nothing to do with looks/actions, it just is, they can be weighted to one side or the other, but we all have both.
It’s a shame that there are societal expectations around this, as both can benefit is at different times
When I’m in my feminine, I’m soft, nurturing, gentle.
So when men are soft, nutiring and gentle are they tapping into their feminine energy? Even if they were using their dominant energy moments before? "
That’s my belief, yes.
We are all capable of both.
|
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"We all hold masculine and feminine energy within us.
It’s nothing to do with looks/actions, it just is, they can be weighted to one side or the other, but we all have both.
It’s a shame that there are societal expectations around this, as both can benefit is at different times
When I’m in my feminine, I’m soft, nurturing, gentle.
So when men are soft, nutiring and gentle are they tapping into their feminine energy? Even if they were using their dominant energy moments before?
That’s my belief, yes.
We are all capable of both.
"
I'm being nosy and no need to reply whatsoever. What do you believe do you display when you're in your masculine? |
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"We all hold masculine and feminine energy within us.
It’s nothing to do with looks/actions, it just is, they can be weighted to one side or the other, but we all have both.
It’s a shame that there are societal expectations around this, as both can benefit is at different times
When I’m in my feminine, I’m soft, nurturing, gentle.
So when men are soft, nutiring and gentle are they tapping into their feminine energy? Even if they were using their dominant energy moments before? "
I think the problem is that we’re still ascribing particular traits (caring, soft etc.) to one biological over the other… which is part of the problem with actually having feminine and masculine as concepts at all.
We can all be one or both SIMULTANEOUSLY, to label something as a particular female or male trait is essentially saying that someone outside of that label that displays the trait is not normal in some way.
This is what reinforces awful concepts such as “real men don’t cry” and “real women should look after the kids” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all hold masculine and feminine energy within us.
It’s nothing to do with looks/actions, it just is, they can be weighted to one side or the other, but we all have both.
It’s a shame that there are societal expectations around this, as both can benefit is at different times
When I’m in my feminine, I’m soft, nurturing, gentle.
So when men are soft, nutiring and gentle are they tapping into their feminine energy? Even if they were using their dominant energy moments before?
That’s my belief, yes.
We are all capable of both.
I'm being nosy and no need to reply whatsoever. What do you believe do you display when you're in your masculine? "
An example might be, being solution focused? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all hold masculine and feminine energy within us.
It’s nothing to do with looks/actions, it just is, they can be weighted to one side or the other, but we all have both.
It’s a shame that there are societal expectations around this, as both can benefit is at different times
When I’m in my feminine, I’m soft, nurturing, gentle.
So when men are soft, nutiring and gentle are they tapping into their feminine energy? Even if they were using their dominant energy moments before?
I think the problem is that we’re still ascribing particular traits (caring, soft etc.) to one biological over the other… which is part of the problem with actually having feminine and masculine as concepts at all.
We can all be one or both SIMULTANEOUSLY, to label something as a particular female or male trait is essentially saying that someone outside of that label that displays the trait is not normal in some way.
This is what reinforces awful concepts such as “real men don’t cry” and “real women should look after the kids”"
We all hold those traits in us. Generally more men tend to have more masculine energy and masculine traits while still holding onto some femininity in them. Same goes with women, some women tend to be girly girls and be more in tune with their feminine energy but all are capable in tapping with their more masculine energy
Some have more of one than the other, but generally speaking. Femininity is a trait seen mostly in women, masculinity is a trait seen mostly in men  |
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I think its too complex to nail down definitively. While gender roles are a societal constuct, there is a definite diffence that goes deeper than social expectations or biological drivers like hormones or birth sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We all hold masculine and feminine energy within us.
It’s nothing to do with looks/actions, it just is, they can be weighted to one side or the other, but we all have both.
It’s a shame that there are societal expectations around this, as both can benefit is at different times
When I’m in my feminine, I’m soft, nurturing, gentle.
So when men are soft, nutiring and gentle are they tapping into their feminine energy? Even if they were using their dominant energy moments before?
I think the problem is that we’re still ascribing particular traits (caring, soft etc.) to one biological over the other… which is part of the problem with actually having feminine and masculine as concepts at all.
We can all be one or both SIMULTANEOUSLY, to label something as a particular female or male trait is essentially saying that someone outside of that label that displays the trait is not normal in some way.
This is what reinforces awful concepts such as “real men don’t cry” and “real women should look after the kids”"
If you read what I said, I said we hold both, and I don’t attribute the feminine energy to women, I said when I am in my feminine, that doesn’t mean men can’t do that too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree it is socially constructed, I'm sure you wouldn't need to dig far into the literature to find examples of behaviors considered feminine in different times and places that most modern Westerners would not consider feminine at all.
As we all have slightly different social exposure I think we all have slightly different ideas of femininity. The examples you gave of women you feel display high levels of femininity are not the ones I would choose. Sadly, I grew up in a very patriarchal environment ad instinctively my views of femininity are dated and sexist. It's something I'm aware of, something that I make conscious effort to avoid but I can't deny it is how my mind categorises at an instinctive level.
I guess then this is the answer, we all categorise people, events and situations in an effort to reduce the mental capacity needed to examine each of these individually. Femininity is a set of behavoirs/looks that in our mind are used to aid this categorisation.
Mr |
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"We all hold masculine and feminine energy within us.
It’s nothing to do with looks/actions, it just is, they can be weighted to one side or the other, but we all have both.
It’s a shame that there are societal expectations around this, as both can benefit is at different times
When I’m in my feminine, I’m soft, nurturing, gentle.
So when men are soft, nutiring and gentle are they tapping into their feminine energy? Even if they were using their dominant energy moments before?
I think the problem is that we’re still ascribing particular traits (caring, soft etc.) to one biological over the other… which is part of the problem with actually having feminine and masculine as concepts at all.
We can all be one or both SIMULTANEOUSLY, to label something as a particular female or male trait is essentially saying that someone outside of that label that displays the trait is not normal in some way.
This is what reinforces awful concepts such as “real men don’t cry” and “real women should look after the kids”"
I think that is a problem when people ascribe feminine to women and masculinity to men. Which is very common in society as a whole in my opinion.
But as I am pondering my own OP as this thread goes on. Is do femininity and masculinity energies exist or are they just Ying and Yang? |
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"We all hold masculine and feminine energy within us.
It’s nothing to do with looks/actions, it just is, they can be weighted to one side or the other, but we all have both.
It’s a shame that there are societal expectations around this, as both can benefit is at different times
When I’m in my feminine, I’m soft, nurturing, gentle.
So when men are soft, nutiring and gentle are they tapping into their feminine energy? Even if they were using their dominant energy moments before?
I think the problem is that we’re still ascribing particular traits (caring, soft etc.) to one biological over the other… which is part of the problem with actually having feminine and masculine as concepts at all.
We can all be one or both SIMULTANEOUSLY, to label something as a particular female or male trait is essentially saying that someone outside of that label that displays the trait is not normal in some way.
This is what reinforces awful concepts such as “real men don’t cry” and “real women should look after the kids”
I think that is a problem when people ascribe feminine to women and masculinity to men. Which is very common in society as a whole in my opinion.
But as I am pondering my own OP as this thread goes on. Is do femininity and masculinity energies exist or are they just Ying and Yang?"
The qualities/energies/traits certainly exist, but we should just label them as they are (caring, strong, resourceful) rather than group them into something that sets them as a particular thing more common in one half of the population.
The very names Feminine and Masculine are gender specific descriptions |
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"We all hold masculine and feminine energy within us.
It’s nothing to do with looks/actions, it just is, they can be weighted to one side or the other, but we all have both.
It’s a shame that there are societal expectations around this, as both can benefit is at different times
When I’m in my feminine, I’m soft, nurturing, gentle.
So when men are soft, nutiring and gentle are they tapping into their feminine energy? Even if they were using their dominant energy moments before?
I think the problem is that we’re still ascribing particular traits (caring, soft etc.) to one biological over the other… which is part of the problem with actually having feminine and masculine as concepts at all.
We can all be one or both SIMULTANEOUSLY, to label something as a particular female or male trait is essentially saying that someone outside of that label that displays the trait is not normal in some way.
This is what reinforces awful concepts such as “real men don’t cry” and “real women should look after the kids”
I think that is a problem when people ascribe feminine to women and masculinity to men. Which is very common in society as a whole in my opinion.
But as I am pondering my own OP as this thread goes on. Is do femininity and masculinity energies exist or are they just Ying and Yang?
The qualities/energies/traits certainly exist, but we should just label them as they are (caring, strong, resourceful) rather than group them into something that sets them as a particular thing more common in one half of the population.
The very names Feminine and Masculine are gender specific descriptions "
Interesting, so characteristic traits should have different names? Is this where the confusion arises, where looks and traits have the same names? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is an interesting one!
I asked the same question of masculinity a while ago and only got tropes as responses or sexist cliches!
It’s a deeply cyclical concept based on societal expectations and behaviours rooted in tradition"
If this is the thread I remember, I’m going. To answer the same way as I did then.
Femininity is traditionally associated to women, but not limited too!
It’s generally thought of as gracefulness, gentleness, empathy, humility, and sensitivity.
But the scale of femininity and masculinity for each male or female can very. Neither are restricted to to solely male or female.
For me femininity is a our more gentle side where as masculinity is our assertive side.
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"We all hold masculine and feminine energy within us.
It’s nothing to do with looks/actions, it just is, they can be weighted to one side or the other, but we all have both.
It’s a shame that there are societal expectations around this, as both can benefit is at different times
When I’m in my feminine, I’m soft, nurturing, gentle.
So when men are soft, nutiring and gentle are they tapping into their feminine energy? Even if they were using their dominant energy moments before?
I think the problem is that we’re still ascribing particular traits (caring, soft etc.) to one biological over the other… which is part of the problem with actually having feminine and masculine as concepts at all.
We can all be one or both SIMULTANEOUSLY, to label something as a particular female or male trait is essentially saying that someone outside of that label that displays the trait is not normal in some way.
This is what reinforces awful concepts such as “real men don’t cry” and “real women should look after the kids”
I think that is a problem when people ascribe feminine to women and masculinity to men. Which is very common in society as a whole in my opinion.
But as I am pondering my own OP as this thread goes on. Is do femininity and masculinity energies exist or are they just Ying and Yang?
The qualities/energies/traits certainly exist, but we should just label them as they are (caring, strong, resourceful) rather than group them into something that sets them as a particular thing more common in one half of the population.
The very names Feminine and Masculine are gender specific descriptions
Interesting, so characteristic traits should have different names? Is this where the confusion arises, where looks and traits have the same names? "
They already have different names… you can be Pretty, you can be Caring, you can be Rugged etc.
We just don’t need to then group these into a homogeneous bundle that are traditionally seen as Girl things or Boy things |
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"I agree it is socially constructed, I'm sure you wouldn't need to dig far into the literature to find examples of behaviors considered feminine in different times and places that most modern Westerners would not consider feminine at all.
As we all have slightly different social exposure I think we all have slightly different ideas of femininity. The examples you gave of women you feel display high levels of femininity are not the ones I would choose. Sadly, I grew up in a very patriarchal environment ad instinctively my views of femininity are dated and sexist. It's something I'm aware of, something that I make conscious effort to avoid but I can't deny it is how my mind categorises at an instinctive level.
I guess then this is the answer, we all categorise people, events and situations in an effort to reduce the mental capacity needed to examine each of these individually. Femininity is a set of behavoirs/looks that in our mind are used to aid this categorisation.
Mr"
I know my examples aren't typical. And possibly it's my own preferences to what I think women can be that makes my choices as they are.
I think upbringing is a big factor on what your views of feminine are. I grew up on a farm so the women around me where tough as and then dressed up to the nines to go to chapel on a Sunday. |
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"I think it is socially constructed. Feminine traits for me include being selfless especially once children appear, strength to endure, the ability to survive, empathy and caring. It has nothing to do with high heels, pouting, make up, long hair, being sexually used or being hot.
The funny thing is that those qualities are also given as masculine traits"
I know, we are the same animal. |
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By *lairekTV/TS
over a year ago
Manchester |
Occasionally I have men who will message me, with the idea that a TV or TS is a throwback to a more feminine era, when women wore dresses rather than trousers etc.
Maybe, a lot of modern women have moved on and become more sophisticated and wider in outlook as to how they present?
It's a moving target I suspect.
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"Occasionally I have men who will message me, with the idea that a TV or TS is a throwback to a more feminine era, when women wore dresses rather than trousers etc.
Maybe, a lot of modern women have moved on and become more sophisticated and wider in outlook as to how they present?
It's a moving target I suspect.
"
So do you think these gentlemen, see femininity as a look rather than an energy? |
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By *lairekTV/TS
over a year ago
Manchester |
"Occasionally I have men who will message me, with the idea that a TV or TS is a throwback to a more feminine era, when women wore dresses rather than trousers etc.
Maybe, a lot of modern women have moved on and become more sophisticated and wider in outlook as to how they present?
It's a moving target I suspect.
So do you think these gentlemen, see femininity as a look rather than an energy? "
Any response is obviously a generalisation... But..
I think we blokes are more literal creatures, we buy lots of porno material, for example. So yes, maybe look and femininity are seen together.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A thread on pretty a couple of weeks ago got me thinking. Pretty is something normally associated with feminity. And although sociologists think femininity is a socially construct. What is femininity? And what are feminine traits? What feminine traits do men commonly display?
Do you think femininity has changed over the years? Is femininity a positive thing and affects all genders or not? Who do you think of as someone who exudes feminine energy?
Lots of questions I know, but I tried to define what femininity means and I kind of struggled with it. "
Very interesting indeed xx |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Think it’s pretty clear it’s in large a social construct but scientists also believe it’s genetic/biological. Evolutionary, roles were different because men are biologically faster and stronger and more spacial aware. But these traits aren’t needed to define roles in modern times . But, Evolution is slow , the brain evolves the slowest , which is why people still overeat fat and sugar and why most men still like feminine women. |
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"Think it’s pretty clear it’s in large a social construct but scientists also believe it’s genetic/biological. Evolutionary, roles were different because men are biologically faster and stronger and more spacial aware. But these traits aren’t needed to define roles in modern times . But, Evolution is slow , the brain evolves the slowest , which is why people still overeat fat and sugar and why most men still like feminine women. "
I get what you are saying. But many define femininity ooften as the 50's version of it. So it is really evolution? And isn't femininity of tribe people totally different to those in western cultures? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Location, location, location ... "
It's perceived differently in many other parts of the world.
There is no universal claim to how it should be.
If that makes sense |
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"Location, location, location ...
It's perceived differently in many other parts of the world.
There is no universal claim to how it should be.
If that makes sense "
Totally agree with you and yes it makes sense |
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Just talking off the forum on this. And what femininity to me is a woman who is confidence in her womanhood and all that it entails, raises other women and is pro women's choices to be whatever the heck they want to be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just talking off the forum on this. And what femininity to me is a woman who is confidence in her womanhood and all that it entails, raises other women and is pro women's choices to be whatever the heck they want to be. "
I like this description. I've been racking my brains trying to answer your question. The only thing I could come up with is that feminine and masculine are outdated terms that don't actually exist except to divide us and put us in boxes. Pit us against eachother, so to speak. Do they have a place in a world where we are trying (although still often failing) to promote equality?
I'll stop waffling now |
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"Just talking off the forum on this. And what femininity to me is a woman who is confidence in her womanhood and all that it entails, raises other women and is pro women's choices to be whatever the heck they want to be.
I like this description. I've been racking my brains trying to answer your question. The only thing I could come up with is that feminine and masculine are outdated terms that don't actually exist except to divide us and put us in boxes. Pit us against eachother, so to speak. Do they have a place in a world where we are trying (although still often failing) to promote equality?
I'll stop waffling now "
No it's not waffle at all. And it does appear as there is no actual definition for femininity but only makes women feel less. So yeah it does appear as if it is an outdated concept.
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Just talking off the forum on this. And what femininity to me is a woman who is confidence in her womanhood and all that it entails, raises other women and is pro women's choices to be whatever the heck they want to be.
I like this description. I've been racking my brains trying to answer your question. The only thing I could come up with is that feminine and masculine are outdated terms that don't actually exist except to divide us and put us in boxes. Pit us against eachother, so to speak. Do they have a place in a world where we are trying (although still often failing) to promote equality?
I'll stop waffling now
No it's not waffle at all. And it does appear as there is no actual definition for femininity but only makes women feel less. So yeah it does appear as if it is an outdated concept.
"
When I first landed in Rwanda I was greeted by a stern faced female soldier in uniform, boots, carrying a large automatic rifle. As I got closer I noticed a tiny bit of blusher on her cheeks and small diamond stud earrings. I thought to myself that’s really feminine , and quite hot ! |
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"Just talking off the forum on this. And what femininity to me is a woman who is confidence in her womanhood and all that it entails, raises other women and is pro women's choices to be whatever the heck they want to be.
I like this description. I've been racking my brains trying to answer your question. The only thing I could come up with is that feminine and masculine are outdated terms that don't actually exist except to divide us and put us in boxes. Pit us against eachother, so to speak. Do they have a place in a world where we are trying (although still often failing) to promote equality?
I'll stop waffling now
No it's not waffle at all. And it does appear as there is no actual definition for femininity but only makes women feel less. So yeah it does appear as if it is an outdated concept.
When I first landed in Rwanda I was greeted by a stern faced female soldier in uniform, boots, carrying a large automatic rifle. As I got closer I noticed a tiny bit of blusher on her cheeks and small diamond stud earrings. I thought to myself that’s really feminine , and quite hot ! "
So that is your definition of femininity, the juxtaposition of masculine and feminine looks at the same time? |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
It’s an outdated position that is largely meaningless and perhaps a little patronising. It has its place at times but as a general description of anyone… I wouldn’t use it. Same as I wouldnt use “masculine”. Individuals are so much more interesting if you look beyond gender descriptions and stereotypes.
V x |
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"It’s an outdated position that is largely meaningless and perhaps a little patronising. It has its place at times but as a general description of anyone… I wouldn’t use it. Same as I wouldnt use “masculine”. Individuals are so much more interesting if you look beyond gender descriptions and stereotypes.
V x "
You’ve managed to say in one small paragraph, what I’ve tried to say in several large rambling posts above |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"It’s an outdated position that is largely meaningless and perhaps a little patronising. It has its place at times but as a general description of anyone… I wouldn’t use it. Same as I wouldnt use “masculine”. Individuals are so much more interesting if you look beyond gender descriptions and stereotypes.
V x
You’ve managed to say in one small paragraph, what I’ve tried to say in several large rambling posts above "
I’m not often known for my conciseness
V x |
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