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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have a history like most of us, I have a high sex drive like most of us, however I have a massive lack in confidence (possibly
Like some of us?) I seem to be talking my way out of situations and relationships out of a lack of trust with that person I’m with despite there being no reason, I have been burned before big time and it hurts me and possibly still affects me, I’m just hoping to chat it out with people on the same plane or anyone who can help |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your not broken, you've just been hurt. It's natural to put up walls to protect yourself from feeling that pain again. There's nothing wrong with being cautious but remember there are good people in the world worthy of trust. You don't have to give your full self, just a little bit and with time you will learn to trust again. There's no quick fix, just trust in your judgement of people and go from there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds cheesy but you need to notice how great you are first and be happy on your own before getting enough confidence to have another relationship, or you meet the 'one" who makes you feel amazing straight away x |
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We all put up boundaries when we've been hurt, it's totally natural, but it's really important to try and not let your past define your future. I know it's a case of easier said than done but keep trying to think of lots of positive little thoughts, and let the past go. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a history like most of us, I have a high sex drive like most of us, however I have a massive lack in confidence (possibly
Like some of us?) I seem to be talking my way out of situations and relationships out of a lack of trust with that person I’m with despite there being no reason, I have been burned before big time and it hurts me and possibly still affects me, I’m just hoping to chat it out with people on the same plane or anyone who can help "
I felt like this for ages, couldn’t understand what was wrong.. was it me/was it them.
My best mates wife’s made me understand, she said I was like a stray dog, abused in the past and every time somebody tried to “rescue” me.. I just couldn’t understand their kindness and couldn’t trust them with my feelings, always thinking that the past would repeat itself. Id then find a way subconsciously of sabotaging the relationship as a defence mechanism.
Now that I understand myself a bit more (and a long time has passed) I know not to make the same mistakes and wait for the right person to come along. Just enjoy having fun along the way as long as you’re not hurting anybody.
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"I have a history like most of us, I have a high sex drive like most of us, however I have a massive lack in confidence (possibly
Like some of us?) I seem to be talking my way out of situations and relationships out of a lack of trust with that person I’m with despite there being no reason, I have been burned before big time and it hurts me and possibly still affects me, I’m just hoping to chat it out with people on the same plane or anyone who can help "
Have been where you are.
1. Can I ask do you have sex for fun or make love because you care.
The two are different
Think about it as men we are judged.
Love and sex are different porn is not reality.
Now stop thinking of life as porn.
We put oure self under pressures we don't understand we meet people and couples and can't preform then we beat our self up making love is not like porn. If it was that easy we would all do it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you are pattern repeater just chatting won't help. Something like CBT might?
Cock and Ball Torture?!?
(The danger of acronyms) "
I did wonder if someone would pick up on it..
You know I meant the other one! |
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I'll let you in on a secret OP we're all broken xx.
Seriously it's the human condition. That's not a bad thing though, as most of us are repairable to a greater or lesser extent. And you have recognised something you'd like to change which is the hardest part! Professional councilling or therapy really works. It helped me to come to terms with some childhood trauma that messed me up big time! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have a history like most of us, I have a high sex drive like most of us, however I have a massive lack in confidence (possibly
Like some of us?) I seem to be talking my way out of situations and relationships out of a lack of trust with that person I’m with despite there being no reason, I have been burned before big time and it hurts me and possibly still affects me, I’m just hoping to chat it out with people on the same plane or anyone who can help
Have been where you are.
1. Can I ask do you have sex for fun or make love because you care.
The two are different
Think about it as men we are judged.
Love and sex are different porn is not reality.
Now stop thinking of life as porn.
We put oure self under pressures we don't understand we meet people and couples and can't preform then we beat our self up making love is not like porn. If it was that easy we would all do it. "
I don’t ever think life is porn but there’s still a difference in having sex and making love that’s nothing to do with porn, personally I think most porn is ridiculous and I wouldn’t even dream of half the stuff they come up with.
A casual encounter can be erotic ….talked myself out of it
Seeing a girl….didn’t have the confidence to carry it through so I made excuses for myself
I can’t convince myself to get over things |
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"I have a history like most of us, I have a high sex drive like most of us, however I have a massive lack in confidence (possibly
Like some of us?) I seem to be talking my way out of situations and relationships out of a lack of trust with that person I’m with despite there being no reason, I have been burned before big time and it hurts me and possibly still affects me, I’m just hoping to chat it out with people on the same plane or anyone who can help "
You seem like you’re pretty self aware, so a few sessions with a decent therapist might be worth the expenditure.
We all have our issues, no matter what our social status. Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have a history like most of us, I have a high sex drive like most of us, however I have a massive lack in confidence (possibly
Like some of us?) I seem to be talking my way out of situations and relationships out of a lack of trust with that person I’m with despite there being no reason, I have been burned before big time and it hurts me and possibly still affects me, I’m just hoping to chat it out with people on the same plane or anyone who can help
Have been where you are.
1. Can I ask do you have sex for fun or make love because you care.
The two are different
Think about it as men we are judged.
Love and sex are different porn is not reality.
Now stop thinking of life as porn.
We put oure self under pressures we don't understand we meet people and couples and can't preform then we beat our self up making love is not like porn. If it was that easy we would all do it.
I don’t ever think life is porn but there’s still a difference in having sex and making love that’s nothing to do with porn, personally I think most porn is ridiculous and I wouldn’t even dream of half the stuff they come up with.
A casual encounter can be erotic ….talked myself out of it
Seeing a girl….didn’t have the confidence to carry it through so I made excuses for myself
I can’t convince myself to get over things "
Just reframe it as meeting people as if it was just friends. It doesnt have to lead anywhere, friends just meet up to enjoy the moment. No pressures. |
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Stop thinking about what people can give you and start thinking what you would like to give people. It is your expectations that are dragging you down. Give freely without reward and the reward will come. |
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"Stop thinking about what people can give you and start thinking what you would like to give people. It is your expectations that are dragging you down. Give freely without reward and the reward will come. "
 |
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"I have a history like most of us, I have a high sex drive like most of us, however I have a massive lack in confidence (possibly
Like some of us?) I seem to be talking my way out of situations and relationships out of a lack of trust with that person I’m with despite there being no reason, I have been burned before big time and it hurts me and possibly still affects me, I’m just hoping to chat it out with people on the same plane or anyone who can help
Have been where you are.
1. Can I ask do you have sex for fun or make love because you care.
The two are different
Think about it as men we are judged.
Love and sex are different porn is not reality.
Now stop thinking of life as porn.
We put oure self under pressures we don't understand we meet people and couples and can't preform then we beat our self up making love is not like porn. If it was that easy we would all do it.
I don’t ever think life is porn but there’s still a difference in having sex and making love that’s nothing to do with porn, personally I think most porn is ridiculous and I wouldn’t even dream of half the stuff they come up with.
A casual encounter can be erotic ….talked myself out of it
Seeing a girl….didn’t have the confidence to carry it through so I made excuses for myself
I can’t convince myself to get over things "
You seem to have got this at a realy bad time of the year. Myself I have just been let go from a job I believed would see me through to retirement so understand BROKEN if you want to chat PM me will give you my number am told I'm a good listener |
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"Broken crayons still colour the same. Remember that
 that"
But also remember there is mind, sermaritons and others out there. And there is a whole community her for you it's good you are reaching out..  |
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