How much does confidence play a part in your choice of playmates? Would you swing with someone you really liked the look of, but was a bit shy / not very confident?
Do you think a lack of confidence in a written forum relates to a lack of confidence outside the forum in a more intimate setting? Would it put you off?
Just askin of course 
HT |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How much does confidence play a part in your choice of playmates? Would you swing with someone you really liked the look of, but was a bit shy / not very confident?"
Shy, yes. Constantly down on themself and needy, no.
(Incidentally, I recognise that at times I am down on myself. At those times I tend to stop arranging meets for a while)
"Do you think a lack of confidence in a written forum relates to a lack of confidence outside the forum in a more intimate setting? Would it put you off?"
There often seems to be a correlation, yes. It would depend on the type of the lack of confidence and the way in which it manifested whether it put me off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me to be interested in meeting a person, the conversations between us, via PM/text/phone/whatever, need to be free flowing.
If it feels like pulling teeth without anaesthetics, then I am not interested.
This applies to my choice of friends outside FAB too.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's a huge gulf between confidence and self awareness - and arrogance and being an egotistical arse!!
The first is endearing - the latter?
Bugs the living shit out if me and drives me away faster than parting some thighs to come face to face with a blue waffle!!  |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"How much does confidence play a part in your choice of playmates? Would you swing with someone you really liked the look of, but was a bit shy / not very confident?
Do you think a lack of confidence in a written forum relates to a lack of confidence outside the forum in a more intimate setting? Would it put you off?
Just askin of course
HT"
Confidence is not the same as being loud, garish and overpowering; confidence is in my eyes an ability to be genuine, congruent, capable and self aware. A confident person knows when to listen and when to speak, as well as when to become assertive. That is extremely attractive to me as it is usually only mature (not old) adults who display and use this. I like playing with people who are mature and adult in their _iews - not saying they cant act silly...but they present as not huffy when rejected, not cross when plans have to change and simply ok with themselevs and the world.
That said... this is of course only MY idea of confidence. |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
"There's a huge gulf between confidence and self awareness - and arrogance and being an egotistical arse!!
The first is endearing - the latter?
Bugs the living shit out if me and drives me away faster than parting some thighs to come face to face with a blue waffle!! "
And just how many times have you come face to fanny with a blue waffle then Obi?? 
I agree with most of the above posters (not cos I'm a sheep (baaaaa...)) but cos confidence without being arrogant is one of the most attractive traits I can think of, however, I've had meets with folk who don't use the forums (PLEASE DON'T SHOOT ME!!!!) so don't know what they're like posting on a thread with multiple contributors, but then judge on the written communication with me to start with then conversation on the phone then a social...I do know that there are a few people who have posted on the forums that I wouldn't meet in a month of Sundays - these are usually the ones who don't seem to last long as forum posters |
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Pretty much agree with all of the above. But I'd have to say I'm quite shy whenever I'm in a new situation, but as soon as I feel comfortable I relax and open up so my personality soon shines through 
And I think thats some of my criteria for meets, I have to feel that whoever I'm going to meet will put me at ease. If I don't think they could do that I wouldnt meet!
And yes I think that applies to the forums too. I admit I was a lurker for a couple of weeks before jumping in lol  |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
I don't believe the level of confidence is as high as people make out.. You only have to read the posts to get a _iew of the swinging community.
Reassurance after reassurance after more reassurance. |
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"I don't believe the level of confidence is as high as people make out.. You only have to read the posts to get a _iew of the swinging community.
Reassurance after reassurance after more reassurance."
I would agree with you if I wasn't so (insert self-deprecating comment here). |
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"I think it is crucial to have some confidence. Some people say that I am a little scary, even imperious, so I like to meet people that can cope with being in the same space."
I get the same: don't understand why as I'm a pooty tat! |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I think it is crucial to have some confidence. Some people say that I am a little scary, even imperious, so I like to meet people that can cope with being in the same space.
I get the same: don't understand why as I'm a pooty tat! "
I believe you are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know instantly if I haven't clicked with someone. I am a very chatty person, but if I have to constantly think about what I'm going to say next rather than the conversation flowing freely, then I know that person is not for me.
I am a confident person but I'm not loud or brash, I wouldn't for instance shout out across a room. Sometimes people may misinterpret this as me being quieter, I'm not and I have no problem saying what I want in public, I just don't do it in a loud overbearing way as I find it uncouth.
I'm a person who likes intimate select conversations with a few interesting people rather than being loud and playing to a crowd |
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I'm shy when first meeting women whom I'm attracted to. Once I get to know them then I come out of my shell and my sense of humour shines through but it's not instantaneous.
With the exception of social meetings with women I'm normally confident - especially in my work environment where I know that I am good at my job. I can easily stand in front of a room full of people and talk with self-assurance, or confidently do a presentation to Board Members of my employer... and have done so on numerous occasions.
The reason I'm confident as long as I'm not talking to a woman in a non-professional capacity is because I know I'm being judged on my intellect and not on my looks. Whereas when I'm speaking to a woman I'm attracted to they're not interested in my ability to converse on diverse subjects but are checking out my arse.
I'm aware I'm not blessed with George Clooney-style, rugged good looks or a Beckham-esque physique, so all my self-confidence disappears when that's what I'm being judged on.
So, no, a lack of self confidence isn't a big deal for a meet because I think they may be like me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me to be interested in meeting a person, the conversations between us, via PM/text/phone/whatever, need to be free flowing.
If it feels like pulling teeth without anaesthetics, then I am not interested.
This applies to my choice of friends outside FAB too.
"
Hehe love it ... Great description |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Rather they were confident, but as soon as confident turns to cocky its a turn off"
Cocky and arrogant behaviour always makes me think that person is lacking in confidence. Or they are delusional. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The reason I'm confident as long as I'm not talking to a woman in a non-professional capacity is because I know I'm being judged on my intellect and not on my looks. Whereas when I'm speaking to a woman I'm attracted to they're not interested in my ability to converse on diverse subjects but are checking out my arse.
I'm aware I'm not blessed with George Clooney-style, rugged good looks or a Beckham-esque physique, so all my self-confidence disappears when that's what I'm being judged on."
Don't be so sure about that. There's more to attraction, than physical appearance.
One of my friends is one of the least physically attractive people I know, and I still would have, (I'm not his type), based on his intellect and the way his mind works. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm shy when first meeting women whom I'm attracted to. Once I get to know them then I come out of my shell and my sense of humour shines through but it's not instantaneous.
With the exception of social meetings with women I'm normally confident - especially in my work environment where I know that I am good at my job. I can easily stand in front of a room full of people and talk with self-assurance, or confidently do a presentation to Board Members of my employer... and have done so on numerous occasions.
The reason I'm confident as long as I'm not talking to a woman in a non-professional capacity is because I know I'm being judged on my intellect and not on my looks. Whereas when I'm speaking to a woman I'm attracted to they're not interested in my ability to converse on diverse subjects but are checking out my arse.
I'm aware I'm not blessed with George Clooney-style, rugged good looks or a Beckham-esque physique, so all my self-confidence disappears when that's what I'm being judged on.
So, no, a lack of self confidence isn't a big deal for a meet because I think they may be like me."
Ahh this post is lovely, your so nice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As to be said I .do not lack confidence . My friends would vouch for that . I believe a person being quiet does not necessarily make them shy either. People behave different ways in different situations. On a meet I like a person to feel relaxed and for conversation to flow freely . |
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