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Best friend...
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
A post on another thread about somebody being looked after by a friend made me think what actually makes a best friend?
Is it about how long you have known them? Or is it more about what we have been through with them? Or what they have done you you?
Or?
How many of those do we need?
Can we have too many? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have different best friends for different things
Not one of them knows the exact same things about me.
I'm at my most comfortable with a small number of friends I have regular (ish) contact with |
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I have two best friends. I've known one since 1996, we went through a heap of work crap together, have seen parents die and relationships break down, we've supported each other even when vehemently disagreeing with choices the other has made.
We talk about family, work, friends, but when it comes to sex and relationships they're referred to only obliquely. She knows that my sex life is unconventional but that's all.
We meet for coffee every Sunday and are involved in each other's family events. I'm much closer to her than I am to any of my family.
My other best friend I met just over ten years ago, slept with for a few weeks before realising we were much better as friends. We discuss everything - he's my safety person and I know I can tell him anything.
He doesn't know my family outside of their interactions with me on Facebook, and they don't know him. We don't physically see each other as often as I'd like but we chat online most days. Through lockdowns we cheered each other up with random little gifts and if I'm feeling anxious or my OCD is flaring I know I can go to him and not feel a nuisance or that he's judging.
I'm blessed to have both in my life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Friend's and family members will be the first to fuck over in my experience. Friendship is overated. You can only ever really depend on yourself.  "
Cheery! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Friend's and family members will be the first to fuck over in my experience. Friendship is overated. You can only ever really depend on yourself.
Cheery!"
Sorry  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A post on another thread about somebody being looked after by a friend made me think what actually makes a best friend?
Is it about how long you have known them? Or is it more about what we have been through with them? Or what they have done you you?
Or?
How many of those do we need?
Can we have too many? "
For me a best friend is like having another bother or sister. One of my oldest and dearest friend lives in LA. We may only speak once a month at best . But I know if I needed him he would be here like a shot, and I would do the same for him. |
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I have two women friends who I'm quite close with but Mr N is my best friend. My dad is the only other person I would describe as a best friend but he obviously comes a way behind my husband.
What makes them best friends is that I know they have my best interests at heart, I can trust them with my life and they've got my back. If something good or horrible happens the first person I tell is my best friend |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sadly, I drifted apart from my best friend and didn’t realise it was happening until it had. I’m left with a few people I know and call mates, but lack that extra that would leave me feeling like I have the best friend type. |
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I think there are a lot of people who have few friends. I know some people who have a very wide circle of friends and acquaintances but many more who have a very small number they would call friend. |
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I don't think I have a best friend. I've been able to make friends wherever I go but it's never been more than surface level friendship as I've never been good at keeping in touch with them once both our situations change.
I've tried to do better and now think I have a couple of really good mates I can talk to but not sure if they feel the same way about me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I never argued with my best friend. There is understanding without many words. There is closeness without seeing each other every day. There is joy in however little time we get. And there is never enough of it. When tough time call There loyalty support and being reliable. But there is also little pressure or expectation. We just enjoy each other. |
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I don’t have loads of friends but I definately have a circle that I’d do anything for. I tend to skip the acquaintance part completely and go straight to ‘my kinda human’ my best mate has been like a sister since we were 3. She’s been through my whole journey of life. But there are people that have joined the circle at different times and they’re all important in different ways. We all have our roles to others.. the talker, the listener, the feeder, the joker. Friendship takes so many forms. Having hit the floor and been picked up by others I think it’s the greatest gift to be a friend to someone else.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For us - best friends can present in many different ways. Mr is my best friend, and has been for over 8 years now. He understands me and always has from the moment we first started talking, he knew things about me from the way I acted. Empathised and helped me. Always supporting and cheering me on in whatever I do.
He has a male best friend - they can go months without speaking but as soon as they're together it's just two old friends together again. My friends are husbands friends so.. I'll take some more friends I made myself please  |
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By *batMan
over a year ago
Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales) |
"Friend's and family members will be the first to fuck over in my experience. Friendship is overated. You can only ever really depend on yourself. "
That’s a bleak outlook. I’m glad I don’t feel the same way.
Gbat |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Thank you everyone for your lovely contributions - really interesting to read the different perspectives.
I have a couple of friends that date primary school times and while we don't see each other often (it can be a decade sometimes), when we do meet it is like it was yesterday. There is a friendship, an intimacy that does not seem to match what I have with very good friends I met perhaps 10 years ago.
That said, I have made great friends over the years but really true friends , the ones you can call anytime in an emergency... they are hard to find and I think I could name probably 4.
Interesting perspective on husbands/ partners being best friends - to me that is amazing if a partner can also be a best friend. Ultimate form of trust and being comfortable in each other's company. |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
I have a close group of 7 wonderful woman who I have met at different stages in life some from dance classes as a little 3yr old, some from primary school and the rest in high school, we have all come together as a group of friends over the years and remained like a dysfunctional family ever since.
I wouldn’t be without any of them  xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Only have one best friend known him since junior school for me he's some that I trust get knows all my dark secrets we are always there for each other financially and emotionally I've lived with him he's lived with me over the yrs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have two. One guy is my oldest and best friend and we can just be ourselves....basically act like children! My newest friend, (with benefits), has become someone much more than a sexual pleasure. We can talk about absolutely anything and everything is discussed with honesty. I consider her to be my closest female friend, in mind and body. Nothing lasts forever but I'm convinced we'll never lose touch |
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"I have different best friends for different things
Not one of them knows the exact same things about me.
I'm at my most comfortable with a small number of friends I have regular (ish) contact with "
This is similar to me. I have a best friend from college, a best friend from uni and a group of 3 local friends that I see regularly both individually and as a group. I have other close friends but I’d say those mentioned are my go to girls |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I don’t use the term BF of BFF, I have 2-4 people who have permission to speak into my life and I’ll listen and would hope they are close to me forever, beyond that around 12 good friends who I’d cry if they moved country etc but accept people come and go.
For me the close ones are about very high levels of wisdom, insight, love, honesty, loyalty. |
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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago
Milton keynes |
I have close friends but I don't think I have best friends. Think that probably stems from being stabbed in the back by a so called best friends ages ago has made me cautious who I open up to nowadays. But I would do anything for my closest friends though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me, my best friend I have known each other for years. But we aren’t in each other’s pockets, we are there as soon as the other needs, even if just to listen to a rant.
She was an army wife, so lived abroad in different bases over the years. But as soon as we are together, it’s like we’ve spent no time apart at all and straight back to where we left off. I think it’s the energy connection, as well as what you have been through together, simply being there when one needs you (even if just over the phone) and the trust built as friends knowing they will call you out in your own crap, but be there to support through whatever is going on.
I had friends I’ve spent more time in person with, but wouldn’t consider them a bff. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A post on another thread about somebody being looked after by a friend made me think what actually makes a best friend?
Is it about how long you have known them? Or is it more about what we have been through with them? Or what they have done you you?
Or?
How many of those do we need?
Can we have too many? "
To me a best friend is about a connection you have with someone, they operate on your wavelength even of you're two totally different persons xx |
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I have a very close circle of a few friends I trust and value. One of them dropped in a gift this morning which says ‘ thank you for being a great friend’
As saffron said further up, the circle changes slightly as we introduce new friends - some stay, some don’t. For me a friend is someone who doesn’t talk about each other to the rest of the circle, nor would I do it them. We all respect one another …. And I believe respect is the key to friendships.
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A number of different things spring to mind over what makes a best friend. In my experience the best friendships are ultimately forged in the fire of adversity.
When you couldn't quite manage on your own, when you needed someone else for support, when you helped someone just because you could see and feel their pain and didn't want anything in return but to make things a little better or easier for them, when you put their interests above your own.
A friend will ask you how you are every now and then. A good friend will help you move house. A best friend will help you move a body!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not necessarily best friends occur due to how long known each other but in a way it does help. It's more about that connection you both have, being there for each other through good and bad times"
100% |
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I've known my best friend 42 years about! We met being nearby neibours we still fairly living close! She is 12 years older than me so 78 this year! We have told each other things we have not told anyone else we trust each other completely! X |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
My v best friend I've known 36 years since school.
She's been there for me through all the losses I've had a d rushed out of work for me ,when I've needed her .
I'd do the same for her ,our friendship goes much deeper than any of my others.
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I used to have a best friend years ago but not anymore.
I knew her since secondary school. In 2016, we became a couple. Things then got complicated. She began making plans, pressured me into making a decision that I wasn't ready to make and before I knew it, she dumped me by text and cut ties with me just days before Christmas.
It broke my heart but now I have better friends who have been there for me and always will  |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Some of m y friends date back to primary school - I am a loyal person and do not give up on people in difficult times.
I guess, some friendships are there for a season, some for a reason and then there are those (the ones for a reason) that can turn into a lifelong friendship/ relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A post on another thread about somebody being looked after by a friend made me think what actually makes a best friend?
Is it about how long you have known them? Or is it more about what we have been through with them? Or what they have done you you?
Or?
How many of those do we need?
Can we have too many? "
A true friend is one who has been with you through everything. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"A post on another thread about somebody being looked after by a friend made me think what actually makes a best friend?
Is it about how long you have known them? Or is it more about what we have been through with them? Or what they have done you you?
Or?
How many of those do we need?
Can we have too many?
A true friend is one who has been with you through everything."
I get that completely - friendship is not about the rosy times - it tends to prove its worth in more difficult times, doesn't it? |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I'm very close to my daughters so don't really need any."
I am close to my kids as well... I get where you are coming from.
But you know I sometimes feel a bit guilty if I look at them as friends because I worry that I burden them with stuff that I should not?
Does that make any sense? |
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