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Sexiness fails.....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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You know when you are being so awesome and sexy it hurts.....as you walk towards your partner they start to get all excited - you know you are onto a magnificent thing.....
Then you kick the corner of the footstool and fall into a wailing pathetic heap, clutching your toes and cursing footstools in general.....
Yeah that.
Any other classics to share?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When a bird shits on your head
A pigeon "
You have been shat on by a pigeon whilst trying to be sexy!
And met a gremlin and walked into a lampost!
Please tell us this wasn't all at the same time!! |
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"Oh yes, when you're trying to strip and you trip over your knickers  "
An ex done this once as she slipped wearing heels in the bathroom and head butted the wash basin! Gave herself a fairly decent black eye to boot too. She was ok but it definitely killed the mood as expected. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh yes, when you're trying to strip and you trip over your knickers "
Is this how the classic
'whoops, my heel is caught in my knickers'
photographs are taken.....? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh yes, when you're trying to strip and you trip over your knickers
An ex done this once as she slipped wearing heels in the bathroom and head butted the wash basin! Gave herself a fairly decent black eye to boot too. She was ok but it definitely killed the mood as expected."
Oh ouch x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I once ran down some stairs of a night club, straight into a plate glass window and knocked myself out, right in front of the chap I fancied.
Wasn't my most attractive hour |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh yes, when you're trying to strip and you trip over your knickers
Is this how the classic
'whoops, my heel is caught in my knickers'
photographs are taken.....?"
Might try it some time |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Falling over the dog... black dog, black carpet.. wee fud had escaped the pen... we both felt so bad as she yelped!"
Same issue here with a brown dog. Want to swap dogs? - or maybe carpets!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Went for a sexy back arch during climax and rolled off the bed into a heap... my cum addled brain took a second or two to realise what had happened and my shaky legs couldn’t pick me up. Proper catch, me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I once ran down some stairs of a night club, straight into a plate glass window and knocked myself out, right in front of the chap I fancied.
Wasn't my most attractive hour "
That's commitment right there though.
Go you! |
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By *yrdsisWoman
over a year ago
Gleam Street |
"Falling over the dog... black dog, black carpet.. wee fud had escaped the pen... we both felt so bad as she yelped!
Same issue here with a brown dog. Want to swap dogs? - or maybe carpets!! "
I'll swap you carpets  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Went for a sexy back arch during climax and rolled off the bed into a heap... my cum addled brain took a second or two to realise what had happened and my shaky legs couldn’t pick me up. Proper catch, me."
If you are trying to suggest that during sex his cum made it to your actual brain.....dear God above its no wonder you fell off the bed |
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"Oh yes, when you're trying to strip and you trip over your knickers
An ex done this once as she slipped wearing heels in the bathroom and head butted the wash basin! Gave herself a fairly decent black eye to boot too. She was ok but it definitely killed the mood as expected.
Oh ouch x"
And obviously we had to make up an alternative story as to what happened. Couldn’t say to the majority of people what really happened but we did tell some  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It’s pointless me even trying to be sexy il only fall on my arse  "
Is that how you fell in the bath on your second video - you know the one with you scratching your nipple?  |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"When a bird shits on your head
A pigeon
You have been shat on by a pigeon whilst trying to be sexy!
And met a gremlin and walked into a lampost!
Please tell us this wasn't all at the same time!! "
Different times
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When you try to walk in those 8-9 inch killer heels and fall on your face
Yes done this one in my early days "
8"-9" - sounds more like a pogo stick on each leg 
It's no wonder you fell over |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh yes, when you're trying to strip and you trip over your knickers
An ex done this once as she slipped wearing heels in the bathroom and head butted the wash basin! Gave herself a fairly decent black eye to boot too. She was ok but it definitely killed the mood as expected.
Oh ouch x
And obviously we had to make up an alternative story as to what happened. Couldn’t say to the majority of people what really happened but we did tell some "
What was your alternative story??
If it is clearly rubbish, I'm sure we can make it better..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you try to walk in those 8-9 inch killer heels and fall on your face
Yes done this one in my early days
8"-9" - sounds more like a pogo stick on each leg
It's no wonder you fell over "
Ha ha yes I can walk in them now though |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When you try to pick a partner up by the waist and as she comes up she headbutts you in the jaw, we both needed a sit down after. "
Everyone's ears are ringing in sympathy. Of course we are laughing as well, idiot! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"D*unken period sex.
And the state of the sheets in the morning when you both wake up  "
Were you convinced you were being sexy at the time though. Otherwise please comment on the d*unken sex fails thread...... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The d*unken taking of your skinny jeans and falling flat on your arse move. Done that a few times.
Were you being sexy? "
Trying and failing miserably. Story of my life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"D*unken period sex.
And the state of the sheets in the morning when you both wake up
Were you convinced you were being sexy at the time though. Otherwise please comment on the d*unken sex fails thread...... "
Oh, convinced to a completely delusional extent |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thanks and thank Christ for the boil wash on my machine ..."
Jesus did indeed say, " blessed are the sexy, for they shall value the boil wash".
probably... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I tried to kill a fly once so I got on top of a drawer and fell on my sister
And this was sexy how???
It wasn't I fell "
Killing flies is the subject of a different thread. (Somewhere)
This is sexy fails what I have done. |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I tried to kill a fly once so I got on top of a drawer and fell on my sister
And this was sexy how???
It wasn't I fell
Killing flies is the subject of a different thread. (Somewhere)
This is sexy fails what I have done. "
I can't find killing flies though |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I tried to kill a fly once so I got on top of a drawer and fell on my sister
And this was sexy how???
It wasn't I fell
Killing flies is the subject of a different thread. (Somewhere)
This is sexy fails what I have done. "
I'm gonna look |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Actually broke my dick with a BBW who insisted on doing reverse cowgirl. Was very sore and took over 6 months to mend. "
This is a very sad story. However it does not qualify for a sexy fail. This is a sex fail - totally different subject.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I tried to kill a fly once so I got on top of a drawer and fell on my sister
And this was sexy how???
It wasn't I fell
Killing flies is the subject of a different thread. (Somewhere)
This is sexy fails what I have done.
I'm gonna look"
We were all a little concerned at how a pigeon/Gremlin/lampost had got involved in your sexy fail earlier on. Especially the pigeon... |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I tried to kill a fly once so I got on top of a drawer and fell on my sister
And this was sexy how???
It wasn't I fell
Killing flies is the subject of a different thread. (Somewhere)
This is sexy fails what I have done.
I'm gonna look
We were all a little concerned at how a pigeon/Gremlin/lampost had got involved in your sexy fail earlier on. Especially the pigeon..."
Different times the pigeon plopped on me
Gremlin well
No need for your concern
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A girl I met from fab years ago (she was very nice and lots of fun) we had met a few times and were in my bed, she enjoyed p*ppers and when she was on top of me picked up the bottle from the bedside table and after her blast the bottle slipped in her fingers and spilt some in my eye. Oh shit that wasn’t nice and killed the moment and the next half hour flushing my eye out! We did have a good laugh about it after |
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Few years ago after a very long day and night of drinking I woke up in bed with a women next to me, can’t even remember meeting her. Let’s say now the beer goggles had worn of a bit I think I made a mistake. I then gathered all my clothes, “can’t believe I don’t wake her up with all my still d*unk escape”, I left the house walked about 10 houses to realise that I was walking down my road. I turned round and walked back to only realise I had walked out my own house. Leaving her in my house also with my keys, knocked on the door and she came down with a very confused look. Very awkward morning after that |
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"Ha!
Just say no.... Or wear goggles or perhaps a snorkel next time.
By the way, never put toothpaste in your eye. Hurts like a bugger."
hindsight (no pun) would have given me that option! No I’d imagine toothpaste would sting a bit, tend not to put much into my eyes deliberately though. Cutting chilli is another pitfall to avoid. Do not touch your face/Jacobs or anywhere really. |
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"Few years ago after a very long day and night of drinking I woke up in bed with a women next to me, can’t even remember meeting her. Let’s say now the beer goggles had worn of a bit I think I made a mistake. I then gathered all my clothes, “can’t believe I don’t wake her up with all my still d*unk escape”, I left the house walked about 10 houses to realise that I was walking down my road. I turned round and walked back to only realise I had walked out my own house. Leaving her in my house also with my keys, knocked on the door and she came down with a very confused look. Very awkward morning after that "
sorry about the poor grammar
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Few years ago after a very long day and night of drinking I woke up in bed with a women next to me, can’t even remember meeting her. Let’s say now the beer goggles had worn of a bit I think I made a mistake. I then gathered all my clothes, “can’t believe I don’t wake her up with all my still d*unk escape”, I left the house walked about 10 houses to realise that I was walking down my road. I turned round and walked back to only realise I had walked out my own house. Leaving her in my house also with my keys, knocked on the door and she came down with a very confused look. Very awkward morning after that sorry about the poor grammar
"
This is another classic case of a d*unken sex fail. However, anyone who manages to do the walk of shame from their own house to their own house deserves something. Possibly counseling.
Please don't bring your elderly relatives into this, you look bad enough already. |
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"You know when you are being so awesome and sexy it hurts.....as you walk towards your partner they start to get all excited - you know you are onto a magnificent thing.....
Then you kick the corner of the footstool and fall into a wailing pathetic heap, clutching your toes and cursing footstools in general.....
Yeah that.
Any other classics to share?
"
Mine broke a toe in a club at a GH. Didn't stop him playing thou. |
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He told me he had silk sheets, they turned out to be incredibly slippery shiny nylon ruffled duvet cover, sheet and pillows.
As he pushed me back onto the bed the duvet cover slid over the sheet and I went flying against the window. Such an erotic moment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You know when you are being so awesome and sexy it hurts.....as you walk towards your partner they start to get all excited - you know you are onto a magnificent thing.....
Then you kick the corner of the footstool and fall into a wailing pathetic heap, clutching your toes and cursing footstools in general.....
Yeah that.
Any other classics to share?
"
Basically me trying to be sexy in any way is always a huge fail
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh yes! Nearly spearing a testicle with my heels trying to do a sexy lapdance routine
Did the testicle in question recover..... "
It was terrified for a considerable time after by any sudden movements |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My classic was walking into the hotel room, missing the big sign that said mind the step and falling and managing to practically knock myself out against the bathroom doorframe. I ended up with a egg on my head and 2 black eyes that lasted weeks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I was up far too late last night with the pain from my purple toes. I have read all the latest confessions and will offer you all a chuckle, absolution and a cookie. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Leading the way up to the bedroom and violently falling UP the stairs, face planting and sending bottles of lube and hot coffee skywards, catching the coffee perfectly upon the nape of your neck, like a brilliant sadomasachistic clown juggler.
.. Sex panther... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Leading the way up to the bedroom and violently falling UP the stairs, face planting and sending bottles of lube and hot coffee skywards, catching the coffee perfectly upon the nape of your neck, like a brilliant sadomasachistic clown juggler.
.. Sex panther..."
Violently feel UP the stairs......
Just how fast were you going? Was this your first time? Were you being chased by an alien?
So many questions..... |
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