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Increasing a woman's sex drive
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not sure there is a general thing that works for every woman...
..maybe put the bins out, do the washing up, hoovering, flowers, be nice, that sort of stuff? |
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I do all that anyway lol
She just isn’t in the mood nowhere near like before, she was hoping there a tablet or something that can helps things along!
"I'm not sure there is a general thing that works for every woman...
..maybe put the bins out, do the washing up, hoovering, flowers, be nice, that sort of stuff? "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’d be very interested to know any ways that work. For me, my sex drive has decreased because of my emotional well-being so maybe mental well-being and sex drive are connected  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do all that anyway lol
She just isn’t in the mood nowhere near like before, she was hoping there a tablet or something that can helps things along!
I'm not sure there is a general thing that works for every woman...
..maybe put the bins out, do the washing up, hoovering, flowers, be nice, that sort of stuff? "
Who is 'she'?
You want to drug her so you can have sex with her?
Dump her. She deserves better. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Any ideas that work, done plenty of talking so any suggestions?!!"
If we are talking about an existing long term partner then the only thing that will work is talking, even if that means talking to a professional.
There is no magic pill for anyone that increases sex drive, especially if the reasons for their lower libido is not physical. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If for whatever reason you just aren't interested why put pressure on yourself or anyone else to want it? Sex isn't the be all and end all. It is safe to go without for a while |
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"I’d be very interested to know any ways that work. For me, my sex drive has decreased because of my emotional well-being so maybe mental well-being and sex drive are connected "
Even my wife doesn’t know why it’s gone down, we have a happy life, just the sexual desire isn’t there, if I left it to when she is horny, I’d be lucky to get it once a month and I’d live it five times a week!! |
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"I do all that anyway lol
She just isn’t in the mood nowhere near like before, she was hoping there a tablet or something that can helps things along!
I'm not sure there is a general thing that works for every woman...
..maybe put the bins out, do the washing up, hoovering, flowers, be nice, that sort of stuff?
Who is 'she'?
You want to drug her so you can have sex with her?
Dump her. She deserves better. "
I didn’t say drug anyone. We have been together 19 years so no dumping thanks. It’s nice to be nice!! |
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"I’d be very interested to know any ways that work. For me, my sex drive has decreased because of my emotional well-being so maybe mental well-being and sex drive are connected
Even my wife doesn’t know why it’s gone down, we have a happy life, just the sexual desire isn’t there, if I left it to when she is horny, I’d be lucky to get it once a month and I’d live it five times a week!!"
Maybe it's the pressure to keep up. You may not personally put pressure on her but she may still feel it and pressure is rarely sexy. Sometimes it's hard when you're tired in the week. Winter sometimes doesn't help either as the darker evenings and mornings can make you more tired. |
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"I do all that anyway lol
She just isn’t in the mood nowhere near like before, she was hoping there a tablet or something that can helps things along!
I'm not sure there is a general thing that works for every woman...
..maybe put the bins out, do the washing up, hoovering, flowers, be nice, that sort of stuff?
Who is 'she'?
You want to drug her so you can have sex with her?
Dump her. She deserves better. "
I didn’t say drug anyone. We have been together 19 years so no dumping thanks. It’s nice to be nice!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You've been together 19 years?! Wow. My longest relationship is 3.
I can imagine though, after 19 years of sex with the same person every day, it might get to the point of I just can't be arsed anymore... |
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"Can I ask how old she is could it be hormones eg menopause I know that affects alot of women get her to try hrt if she is.. unfortunately for me I have a good sex drive through menopause "
36, and gorgeous but she doesn’t think she is, which could be reason but she has never had the confidence she should have |
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By *aucy TwoCouple
over a year ago
Manchester |
I wonder if she sometimes feels that if she wants a cuddle or just little intimacies, that you would expect sex and perhaps she could shy away from that.
Maybe try the cuddling etc and leaving it at that for a while. She may feel that its expected and therefore that's why her drive has dwindled.
Just an idea and good luck to you both. |
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"I’d be very interested to know any ways that work. For me, my sex drive has decreased because of my emotional well-being so maybe mental well-being and sex drive are connected
Even my wife doesn’t know why it’s gone down, we have a happy life, just the sexual desire isn’t there, if I left it to when she is horny, I’d be lucky to get it once a month and I’d live it five times a week!!"
It works both ways, you saying ' get it' does look a bit like you see your own pleasure above hers..
Apologies if that's not the case but it's how it reads..
Dies she know your on this site?
If not, wrap it up and perhaps get some help as a couple to try and improve things..
Communication in all these situations is paramount and you might not think she knows but women are very astute on such things..
Wish you both well.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sunlight, proper vitamins and a healthy diet, red meat once a week no pun intended, sex drive is all controlled by the brain so if you have a lot on then sex drive will take a back seat, it’s starts with declutter, both physically and mentally so yes tidy up, organise your life, you would be surprised where that gets you |
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It's such a complex interaction of health, hormones, mood, circumstance, current affairs, contentment, security and desire. Much is difficult to control and will be different for different people at different times.
If you find a simple solution please let us know! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do some housework.. if she's not washing your pants, she will have time to be in yours."
True.. A man should help her in household works also..that is called a perfect couple |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dude, you’re on here. First things first, if she doesn’t know you’re on here, get out.
Even though you feel like “you’re doing it all already” as in housework and making her feel valued …again, dude, you’re wasting time on this platform trying to get laid by someone else. You may think you’re doing it all but chances are you’re not.
Maybe your game in bed is shit. Ever considered that? I wouldn’t come back for more either if I’m not happy/satisfied.
There is no magic pill. Apart from communication. |
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Have sex with her best friend and her sister - it drives women crazy with jealousy and she will turn into a sex monster to win you back!!!
For the record Im not a professional relationship counsellor !!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’d be very interested to know any ways that work. For me, my sex drive has decreased because of my emotional well-being so maybe mental well-being and sex drive are connected
Even my wife doesn’t know why it’s gone down, we have a happy life, just the sexual desire isn’t there, if I left it to when she is horny, I’d be lucky to get it once a month and I’d live it five times a week!!"
You poor thing. Get more meets on here and just fuck her once a month.
Doesn't matter if she's horny that way.  |
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"Melanin increases sex drive massively. You can supplement it
I think you mean melatonin.....
 "
no melatonin is what the body makes naturally you can get melanin and use it yourself it's called melanotan 2 |
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Try visiting a sex club, but treat it as a night out. Together time. You don’t have to fo anything with anybody else, but relax, watch other people having sex, and see what happens. There isn’t necessarily the expectation that you have six, but there may be a building anticipation.
This provides a structured framework for something to happen, rather than just hoping for a fuck between doing the dishes and watching news at ten. |
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Is she of menopause age?
I’m going through it and my drive way sky high, but for some reason the last month I’m just not interested. I think we’ve had sex one in the last 6 weeks. Hubby puts no pressure on me and doesn’t mention it, but he gives me plenty of physical contact. He’ll join me in the shower and wash my hair and back, sit beside me on the sofa and holds my hand etc. Having those touches still make me feel really loved and wanted. Maybe try the same thing ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Love how so many assume the issue is with the OP with all the suggestions he works harder to make her feel special. The sad thing with this attitude is is promotes the idea that sex and intimacy is something that women offer in exchange for being treated a certain way, that men have to work for in order to be rewarded with and that any reduction of sexual activity in a relationship is almost certainly due to the male half not being good enough as a partner.
Sex isn't a favour, it isn't something you have to be a good boy in order to be rewarded with and it isn't a currency to be used by women (or men) to get their own way. If intimacy is missing in what is otherwise a genuinely happy relationship then the person who no longer wants to be intimate has experienced a change in hormone levels, is dealing with unresolved mental health issues or the relationship isn't as good as you think it is. The reality is there is no such thing as a sex drive, intimacy comes from all kinds of sources. Yes, it can be driven by hormones and certainly in the early days of a relationship that drive to be shagging all the time is largely is but over the years this gets replaced by a need for intimacy driven by pleasure from each others touch and the desire to give pleasure to the one you love.
Ultimately a relationship is a two way thing. It takes work from both parties and will only ever work if both are prepared to listen to each other and make an effort to behave in ways that makes the other happy. Simply stating you have lost your sex drive or no longer want to be intimate and then expecting your partner to make all the adjustments to live with this new lifestyle is the ultimate in selfish behaviour and is only justified by this ridiculous motion that the responsibility lays with the other partner who clearly hasn't made enough effort, put the bins out enough or bought enough bunches of flowers etc.
Despite the insinuations from others on this thread this is absolutely nothing to do with making her do something she doesn't want to. This is another trope that gets thrown in on these threads to add to the stereotype that intimacy and sex is something you have to convince others to partake in. The issue is clearly that you want her to *want* to have sex with you, not that you want sex from her irrespective of whether she wants it or not.
Good luck OP, you'll need it. Nothing will change your situation until your partner decides to try to change it and that depends on whether or not she understands how much this hurts you and values your happiness enough to make the effort to try. Most likely, she is happy as she is and will see no reason to change as you are still providing her with everything she needs and wants. She is likely unaware of exactly how this is making you feel simply because it won't be a feeling she has experienced so her levels of understanding will be restricted by her inability to fully empathise.
Mr
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"Love how so many assume the issue is with the OP with all the suggestions he works harder to make her feel special. The sad thing with this attitude is is promotes the idea that sex and intimacy is something that women offer in exchange for being treated a certain way, that men have to work for in order to be rewarded with and that any reduction of sexual activity in a relationship is almost certainly due to the male half not being good enough as a partner.
Sex isn't a favour, it isn't something you have to be a good boy in order to be rewarded with and it isn't a currency to be used by women (or men) to get their own way. If intimacy is missing in what is otherwise a genuinely happy relationship then the person who no longer wants to be intimate has experienced a change in hormone levels, is dealing with unresolved mental health issues or the relationship isn't as good as you think it is. The reality is there is no such thing as a sex drive, intimacy comes from all kinds of sources. Yes, it can be driven by hormones and certainly in the early days of a relationship that drive to be shagging all the time is largely is but over the years this gets replaced by a need for intimacy driven by pleasure from each others touch and the desire to give pleasure to the one you love.
Ultimately a relationship is a two way thing. It takes work from both parties and will only ever work if both are prepared to listen to each other and make an effort to behave in ways that makes the other happy. Simply stating you have lost your sex drive or no longer want to be intimate and then expecting your partner to make all the adjustments to live with this new lifestyle is the ultimate in selfish behaviour and is only justified by this ridiculous motion that the responsibility lays with the other partner who clearly hasn't made enough effort, put the bins out enough or bought enough bunches of flowers etc.
Despite the insinuations from others on this thread this is absolutely nothing to do with making her do something she doesn't want to. This is another trope that gets thrown in on these threads to add to the stereotype that intimacy and sex is something you have to convince others to partake in. The issue is clearly that you want her to *want* to have sex with you, not that you want sex from her irrespective of whether she wants it or not.
Good luck OP, you'll need it. Nothing will change your situation until your partner decides to try to change it and that depends on whether or not she understands how much this hurts you and values your happiness enough to make the effort to try. Most likely, she is happy as she is and will see no reason to change as you are still providing her with everything she needs and wants. She is likely unaware of exactly how this is making you feel simply because it won't be a feeling she has experienced so her levels of understanding will be restricted by her inability to fully empathise.
Mr
"
This is one of the best answers I've seen on this subject. Sex should be a wonderful thing not a bargaining chip or used to manipulate people into doing xyz. About time people's attitudes towards it changed by all genders. |
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"Love how so many assume the issue is with the OP with all the suggestions he works harder to make her feel special. The sad thing with this attitude is is promotes the idea that sex and intimacy is something that women offer in exchange for being treated a certain way, that men have to work for in order to be rewarded with and that any reduction of sexual activity in a relationship is almost certainly due to the male half not being good enough as a partner.
Sex isn't a favour, it isn't something you have to be a good boy in order to be rewarded with and it isn't a currency to be used by women (or men) to get their own way. If intimacy is missing in what is otherwise a genuinely happy relationship then the person who no longer wants to be intimate has experienced a change in hormone levels, is dealing with unresolved mental health issues or the relationship isn't as good as you think it is. The reality is there is no such thing as a sex drive, intimacy comes from all kinds of sources. Yes, it can be driven by hormones and certainly in the early days of a relationship that drive to be shagging all the time is largely is but over the years this gets replaced by a need for intimacy driven by pleasure from each others touch and the desire to give pleasure to the one you love.
Ultimately a relationship is a two way thing. It takes work from both parties and will only ever work if both are prepared to listen to each other and make an effort to behave in ways that makes the other happy. Simply stating you have lost your sex drive or no longer want to be intimate and then expecting your partner to make all the adjustments to live with this new lifestyle is the ultimate in selfish behaviour and is only justified by this ridiculous motion that the responsibility lays with the other partner who clearly hasn't made enough effort, put the bins out enough or bought enough bunches of flowers etc.
Despite the insinuations from others on this thread this is absolutely nothing to do with making her do something she doesn't want to. This is another trope that gets thrown in on these threads to add to the stereotype that intimacy and sex is something you have to convince others to partake in. The issue is clearly that you want her to *want* to have sex with you, not that you want sex from her irrespective of whether she wants it or not.
Good luck OP, you'll need it. Nothing will change your situation until your partner decides to try to change it and that depends on whether or not she understands how much this hurts you and values your happiness enough to make the effort to try. Most likely, she is happy as she is and will see no reason to change as you are still providing her with everything she needs and wants. She is likely unaware of exactly how this is making you feel simply because it won't be a feeling she has experienced so her levels of understanding will be restricted by her inability to fully empathise.
Mr
"
Sounds like you're creating your own picture of his partner. I guess you have your own reasons for that and we all look at things with our own biases. However, he has clearly said that she was the one hoping there are tablets that could help increase her sex drive so she clearly does care and isn't happy with how things are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Love how so many assume the issue is with the OP with all the suggestions he works harder to make her feel special. The sad thing with this attitude is is promotes the idea that sex and intimacy is something that women offer in exchange for being treated a certain way, that men have to work for in order to be rewarded with and that any reduction of sexual activity in a relationship is almost certainly due to the male half not being good enough as a partner.
Sex isn't a favour, it isn't something you have to be a good boy in order to be rewarded with and it isn't a currency to be used by women (or men) to get their own way. If intimacy is missing in what is otherwise a genuinely happy relationship then the person who no longer wants to be intimate has experienced a change in hormone levels, is dealing with unresolved mental health issues or the relationship isn't as good as you think it is. The reality is there is no such thing as a sex drive, intimacy comes from all kinds of sources. Yes, it can be driven by hormones and certainly in the early days of a relationship that drive to be shagging all the time is largely is but over the years this gets replaced by a need for intimacy driven by pleasure from each others touch and the desire to give pleasure to the one you love.
Ultimately a relationship is a two way thing. It takes work from both parties and will only ever work if both are prepared to listen to each other and make an effort to behave in ways that makes the other happy. Simply stating you have lost your sex drive or no longer want to be intimate and then expecting your partner to make all the adjustments to live with this new lifestyle is the ultimate in selfish behaviour and is only justified by this ridiculous motion that the responsibility lays with the other partner who clearly hasn't made enough effort, put the bins out enough or bought enough bunches of flowers etc.
Despite the insinuations from others on this thread this is absolutely nothing to do with making her do something she doesn't want to. This is another trope that gets thrown in on these threads to add to the stereotype that intimacy and sex is something you have to convince others to partake in. The issue is clearly that you want her to *want* to have sex with you, not that you want sex from her irrespective of whether she wants it or not.
Good luck OP, you'll need it. Nothing will change your situation until your partner decides to try to change it and that depends on whether or not she understands how much this hurts you and values your happiness enough to make the effort to try. Most likely, she is happy as she is and will see no reason to change as you are still providing her with everything she needs and wants. She is likely unaware of exactly how this is making you feel simply because it won't be a feeling she has experienced so her levels of understanding will be restricted by her inability to fully empathise.
Mr
"
And yet you infer that as she's getting everything she needs and wants she won't change.
He should do what? Withhold money, not help around the house, so she rethinks her ways and fucks him 5 times a week as per his wishes? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me (Mrs) with a long term partner sex doesn't start at sex or foreplay it starts with good conversation through the day, little things like a random kiss, hug, ass grab or things along them lines, generally being attentive.
I can't do the not speak all say then do you want sex, that's not a turn on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Love how so many assume the issue is with the OP with all the suggestions he works harder to make her feel special. The sad thing with this attitude is is promotes the idea that sex and intimacy is something that women offer in exchange for being treated a certain way, that men have to work for in order to be rewarded with and that any reduction of sexual activity in a relationship is almost certainly due to the male half not being good enough as a partner.
Sex isn't a favour, it isn't something you have to be a good boy in order to be rewarded with and it isn't a currency to be used by women (or men) to get their own way. If intimacy is missing in what is otherwise a genuinely happy relationship then the person who no longer wants to be intimate has experienced a change in hormone levels, is dealing with unresolved mental health issues or the relationship isn't as good as you think it is. The reality is there is no such thing as a sex drive, intimacy comes from all kinds of sources. Yes, it can be driven by hormones and certainly in the early days of a relationship that drive to be shagging all the time is largely is but over the years this gets replaced by a need for intimacy driven by pleasure from each others touch and the desire to give pleasure to the one you love.
Ultimately a relationship is a two way thing. It takes work from both parties and will only ever work if both are prepared to listen to each other and make an effort to behave in ways that makes the other happy. Simply stating you have lost your sex drive or no longer want to be intimate and then expecting your partner to make all the adjustments to live with this new lifestyle is the ultimate in selfish behaviour and is only justified by this ridiculous motion that the responsibility lays with the other partner who clearly hasn't made enough effort, put the bins out enough or bought enough bunches of flowers etc.
Despite the insinuations from others on this thread this is absolutely nothing to do with making her do something she doesn't want to. This is another trope that gets thrown in on these threads to add to the stereotype that intimacy and sex is something you have to convince others to partake in. The issue is clearly that you want her to *want* to have sex with you, not that you want sex from her irrespective of whether she wants it or not.
Good luck OP, you'll need it. Nothing will change your situation until your partner decides to try to change it and that depends on whether or not she understands how much this hurts you and values your happiness enough to make the effort to try. Most likely, she is happy as she is and will see no reason to change as you are still providing her with everything she needs and wants. She is likely unaware of exactly how this is making you feel simply because it won't be a feeling she has experienced so her levels of understanding will be restricted by her inability to fully empathise.
Mr
"
Nobody said sex was a bargaining chip.
Simple suggestions were made from my, albeit limited, experience in long term relationships.
Although, I do know, a good bj usually works wonders in exchange for fixing the roof...(joke) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Make sure she sleeps well, eats well and is well rested, minimise stress where you can for her and take some pressure off with life stuff. Then, if she feels more herself it may rise but it's no guarantee as she may well just have a low drive naturally. There's no magic fix. But the less she has to deal with and the better she feels physically the more room there is for thinking about sex and more enjoyable aspects of life.
And take her out so she's away from the humdrum of routine and not looking at what needs doing all the time.
PW |
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"Love how so many assume the issue is with the OP with all the suggestions he works harder to make her feel special. The sad thing with this attitude is is promotes the idea that sex and intimacy is something that women offer in exchange for being treated a certain way, that men have to work for in order to be rewarded with and that any reduction of sexual activity in a relationship is almost certainly due to the male half not being good enough as a partner.
Sex isn't a favour, it isn't something you have to be a good boy in order to be rewarded with and it isn't a currency to be used by women (or men) to get their own way. If intimacy is missing in what is otherwise a genuinely happy relationship then the person who no longer wants to be intimate has experienced a change in hormone levels, is dealing with unresolved mental health issues or the relationship isn't as good as you think it is. The reality is there is no such thing as a sex drive, intimacy comes from all kinds of sources. Yes, it can be driven by hormones and certainly in the early days of a relationship that drive to be shagging all the time is largely is but over the years this gets replaced by a need for intimacy driven by pleasure from each others touch and the desire to give pleasure to the one you love.
Ultimately a relationship is a two way thing. It takes work from both parties and will only ever work if both are prepared to listen to each other and make an effort to behave in ways that makes the other happy. Simply stating you have lost your sex drive or no longer want to be intimate and then expecting your partner to make all the adjustments to live with this new lifestyle is the ultimate in selfish behaviour and is only justified by this ridiculous motion that the responsibility lays with the other partner who clearly hasn't made enough effort, put the bins out enough or bought enough bunches of flowers etc.
Despite the insinuations from others on this thread this is absolutely nothing to do with making her do something she doesn't want to. This is another trope that gets thrown in on these threads to add to the stereotype that intimacy and sex is something you have to convince others to partake in. The issue is clearly that you want her to *want* to have sex with you, not that you want sex from her irrespective of whether she wants it or not.
Good luck OP, you'll need it. Nothing will change your situation until your partner decides to try to change it and that depends on whether or not she understands how much this hurts you and values your happiness enough to make the effort to try. Most likely, she is happy as she is and will see no reason to change as you are still providing her with everything she needs and wants. She is likely unaware of exactly how this is making you feel simply because it won't be a feeling she has experienced so her levels of understanding will be restricted by her inability to fully empathise.
Mr
And yet you infer that as she's getting everything she needs and wants she won't change.
He should do what? Withhold money, not help around the house, so she rethinks her ways and fucks him 5 times a week as per his wishes? "
I read it as a counter balance from the majority of the thread. Where everyone assumed the man was lazy which I think is a bit harsh.
I do see a lot of threads on here that say if a woman goes off sex you need to do more housework. It's far more complex than that, we all have ebbs and flows. And what if a man reads that if he does the housework and the list of extra things he's supposed to do and still doesn't get affection from his partner?
To me my advice if you're sex have a conversation with your partner. Listen to why they think they may be off sex and explain how the lack of intimacy affects you. In no way should anyone have sex if they don't want to, but I do think there are other ways to show affection to your partner.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Love how so many assume the issue is with the OP with all the suggestions he works harder to make her feel special. The sad thing with this attitude is is promotes the idea that sex and intimacy is something that women offer in exchange for being treated a certain way, that men have to work for in order to be rewarded with and that any reduction of sexual activity in a relationship is almost certainly due to the male half not being good enough as a partner.
Sex isn't a favour, it isn't something you have to be a good boy in order to be rewarded with and it isn't a currency to be used by women (or men) to get their own way. If intimacy is missing in what is otherwise a genuinely happy relationship then the person who no longer wants to be intimate has experienced a change in hormone levels, is dealing with unresolved mental health issues or the relationship isn't as good as you think it is. The reality is there is no such thing as a sex drive, intimacy comes from all kinds of sources. Yes, it can be driven by hormones and certainly in the early days of a relationship that drive to be shagging all the time is largely is but over the years this gets replaced by a need for intimacy driven by pleasure from each others touch and the desire to give pleasure to the one you love.
Ultimately a relationship is a two way thing. It takes work from both parties and will only ever work if both are prepared to listen to each other and make an effort to behave in ways that makes the other happy. Simply stating you have lost your sex drive or no longer want to be intimate and then expecting your partner to make all the adjustments to live with this new lifestyle is the ultimate in selfish behaviour and is only justified by this ridiculous motion that the responsibility lays with the other partner who clearly hasn't made enough effort, put the bins out enough or bought enough bunches of flowers etc.
Despite the insinuations from others on this thread this is absolutely nothing to do with making her do something she doesn't want to. This is another trope that gets thrown in on these threads to add to the stereotype that intimacy and sex is something you have to convince others to partake in. The issue is clearly that you want her to *want* to have sex with you, not that you want sex from her irrespective of whether she wants it or not.
Good luck OP, you'll need it. Nothing will change your situation until your partner decides to try to change it and that depends on whether or not she understands how much this hurts you and values your happiness enough to make the effort to try. Most likely, she is happy as she is and will see no reason to change as you are still providing her with everything she needs and wants. She is likely unaware of exactly how this is making you feel simply because it won't be a feeling she has experienced so her levels of understanding will be restricted by her inability to fully empathise.
Mr
And yet you infer that as she's getting everything she needs and wants she won't change.
He should do what? Withhold money, not help around the house, so she rethinks her ways and fucks him 5 times a week as per his wishes?
I read it as a counter balance from the majority of the thread. Where everyone assumed the man was lazy which I think is a bit harsh.
I do see a lot of threads on here that say if a woman goes off sex you need to do more housework. It's far more complex than that, we all have ebbs and flows. And what if a man reads that if he does the housework and the list of extra things he's supposed to do and still doesn't get affection from his partner?
To me my advice if you're sex have a conversation with your partner. Listen to why they think they may be off sex and explain how the lack of intimacy affects you. In no way should anyone have sex if they don't want to, but I do think there are other ways to show affection to your partner.
"
I agree. |
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"I wonder if she sometimes feels that if she wants a cuddle or just little intimacies, that you would expect sex and perhaps she could shy away from that.
Maybe try the cuddling etc and leaving it at that for a while. She may feel that its expected and therefore that's why her drive has dwindled.
That’s good advice thanks
Just an idea and good luck to you both."
|
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"Dude, you’re on here. First things first, if she doesn’t know you’re on here, get out.
Even though you feel like “you’re doing it all already” as in housework and making her feel valued …again, dude, you’re wasting time on this platform trying to get laid by someone else. You may think you’re doing it all but chances are you’re not.
Not everyone on here is the same!
Yes she knows, I joined to get a freesome, with two women, let’s be honest that isn’t going to happen!!!
She is fine with that.
Maybe your game in bed is shit. Ever considered that? I wouldn’t come back for more either if I’m not happy/satisfied.
There is no magic pill. Apart from communication."
|
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"Melanin increases sex drive massively. You can supplement it
I think you mean melatonin.....
no melatonin is what the body makes naturally you can get melanin and use it yourself it's called melanotan 2 "
Melatonin is also prescribed for sleep problems and for egg production during IVF so it’s not only naturally produced. Melanin is a skin pigment- are you suggesting it’s a lack of vitamin D that could be the issue? I remember hearing about melanotan years ago as a tanning aid. |
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If she’s concerned with her lack of sex drive and she’s the one that’s looking for a medical/drug solution, has she discussed this with her doctor? It could be a hormone imbalance, it could be medication related if she takes any? My medication has completely killed my sex drive- and it’s not even anti-depressants which are well known for doing that.
Usually for me, the more sex I’m having, the more I want it. Not if it’s bad sex though obviously. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Love how so many assume the issue is with the OP with all the suggestions he works harder to make her feel special. The sad thing with this attitude is is promotes the idea that sex and intimacy is something that women offer in exchange for being treated a certain way, that men have to work for in order to be rewarded with and that any reduction of sexual activity in a relationship is almost certainly due to the male half not being good enough as a partner.
Sex isn't a favour, it isn't something you have to be a good boy in order to be rewarded with and it isn't a currency to be used by women (or men) to get their own way. If intimacy is missing in what is otherwise a genuinely happy relationship then the person who no longer wants to be intimate has experienced a change in hormone levels, is dealing with unresolved mental health issues or the relationship isn't as good as you think it is. The reality is there is no such thing as a sex drive, intimacy comes from all kinds of sources. Yes, it can be driven by hormones and certainly in the early days of a relationship that drive to be shagging all the time is largely is but over the years this gets replaced by a need for intimacy driven by pleasure from each others touch and the desire to give pleasure to the one you love.
Ultimately a relationship is a two way thing. It takes work from both parties and will only ever work if both are prepared to listen to each other and make an effort to behave in ways that makes the other happy. Simply stating you have lost your sex drive or no longer want to be intimate and then expecting your partner to make all the adjustments to live with this new lifestyle is the ultimate in selfish behaviour and is only justified by this ridiculous motion that the responsibility lays with the other partner who clearly hasn't made enough effort, put the bins out enough or bought enough bunches of flowers etc.
Despite the insinuations from others on this thread this is absolutely nothing to do with making her do something she doesn't want to. This is another trope that gets thrown in on these threads to add to the stereotype that intimacy and sex is something you have to convince others to partake in. The issue is clearly that you want her to *want* to have sex with you, not that you want sex from her irrespective of whether she wants it or not.
Good luck OP, you'll need it. Nothing will change your situation until your partner decides to try to change it and that depends on whether or not she understands how much this hurts you and values your happiness enough to make the effort to try. Most likely, she is happy as she is and will see no reason to change as you are still providing her with everything she needs and wants. She is likely unaware of exactly how this is making you feel simply because it won't be a feeling she has experienced so her levels of understanding will be restricted by her inability to fully empathise.
Mr
And yet you infer that as she's getting everything she needs and wants she won't change.
He should do what? Withhold money, not help around the house, so she rethinks her ways and fucks him 5 times a week as per his wishes? "
You have totally failed to understand my point. Sex/intimacy isn't something to be bargained for or with. I said she had everything she needs and won't change because if she wanted it to be different it would be.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I agree no amount of flowers or washing up is going to make you want sex, or should even be offered thinking that is all it takes. I doubt there is a magic pill or none of us would ever have any problem wanting all the sex in the world. Its all the boring interrelated stuff like physical health, hormones, mental health, inclination, boredom, fancying a person, the list is pretty endless but it all has to be in synch. Said from a woman who has the lidido of a large lump of concrete currently. There is not one particular thing that would rouse me, I would need to sort all the above first. Guess doc is the first port of call if your wife does want to sort the problem for herself. |
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"Melanin increases sex drive massively. You can supplement it
I think you mean melatonin.....
no melatonin is what the body makes naturally you can get melanin and use it yourself it's called melanotan 2
Melatonin is also prescribed for sleep problems and for egg production during IVF so it’s not only naturally produced. Melanin is a skin pigment- are you suggesting it’s a lack of vitamin D that could be the issue? I remember hearing about melanotan years ago as a tanning aid. "
Yes it is a tanning aid, but....
According to a 2020 review , melanotan II has been linked to a potentially life threatening condition called renal infarction.28 May 2020 |
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
Not sure of the context OP but it's down to the woman. What makes her tick, where she is at in her life, whether she wants to increase her sex drive etc.
For me, at differing times in my life, my libido has waxed and waned for many reasons. Sometimes sexual appetite has been replaced with some other focus or need such as my well being, my children, sensuality, receiving, healing etc.
So.. Its not as simple. I very much doubt you can provide it or push it if it's a partner you're talking about.
But as a general rule, when I have wanted to encourage my sexual energy I would begin with self love and listening in to what I need.
|
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
OP just so you know. My biggest loss of sexual appetite happened when my now ex partner was cheating on me. I had no idea at the time.. But on looking back, my psyche knew I was being massively disrespected and lied to.. That's a massive passion killer, known or unknown.
I don't know of this is your situation but if it is.. I guarantee that is the problem. |
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"I'm not sure there is a general thing that works for every woman...
..maybe put the bins out, do the washing up, hoovering, flowers, be nice, that sort of stuff? "
If only it was as simple as that. |
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"OP just so you know. My biggest loss of sexual appetite happened when my now ex partner was cheating on me. I had no idea at the time.. But on looking back, my psyche knew I was being massively disrespected and lied to.. That's a massive passion killer, known or unknown.
I don't know of this is your situation but if it is.. I guarantee that is the problem. "
Not my situation at all but I get that obviously would definitely be a problem. |
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Scenario ........
Woman goes off sex.
OMG .... there's something wrong with that woman.
Man want sex.
How can we fix THE WOMAN.
Presents, drugs...... sellotape.... ?
There's an ENORMOUS possibility she doesn't need a cure.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Love how so many assume the issue is with the OP with all the suggestions he works harder to make her feel special. The sad thing with this attitude is is promotes the idea that sex and intimacy is something that women offer in exchange for being treated a certain way, that men have to work for in order to be rewarded with and that any reduction of sexual activity in a relationship is almost certainly due to the male half not being good enough as a partner.
Sex isn't a favour, it isn't something you have to be a good boy in order to be rewarded with and it isn't a currency to be used by women (or men) to get their own way. If intimacy is missing in what is otherwise a genuinely happy relationship then the person who no longer wants to be intimate has experienced a change in hormone levels, is dealing with unresolved mental health issues or the relationship isn't as good as you think it is. The reality is there is no such thing as a sex drive, intimacy comes from all kinds of sources. Yes, it can be driven by hormones and certainly in the early days of a relationship that drive to be shagging all the time is largely is but over the years this gets replaced by a need for intimacy driven by pleasure from each others touch and the desire to give pleasure to the one you love.
Ultimately a relationship is a two way thing. It takes work from both parties and will only ever work if both are prepared to listen to each other and make an effort to behave in ways that makes the other happy. Simply stating you have lost your sex drive or no longer want to be intimate and then expecting your partner to make all the adjustments to live with this new lifestyle is the ultimate in selfish behaviour and is only justified by this ridiculous motion that the responsibility lays with the other partner who clearly hasn't made enough effort, put the bins out enough or bought enough bunches of flowers etc.
Despite the insinuations from others on this thread this is absolutely nothing to do with making her do something she doesn't want to. This is another trope that gets thrown in on these threads to add to the stereotype that intimacy and sex is something you have to convince others to partake in. The issue is clearly that you want her to *want* to have sex with you, not that you want sex from her irrespective of whether she wants it or not.
Good luck OP, you'll need it. Nothing will change your situation until your partner decides to try to change it and that depends on whether or not she understands how much this hurts you and values your happiness enough to make the effort to try. Most likely, she is happy as she is and will see no reason to change as you are still providing her with everything she needs and wants. She is likely unaware of exactly how this is making you feel simply because it won't be a feeling she has experienced so her levels of understanding will be restricted by her inability to fully empathise.
Mr
"
Excellent answer, I was rolling my eyes at many of the predictable replies in this thread until this one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Scenario ........
Woman goes off sex.
OMG .... there's something wrong with that woman.
Man want sex.
How can we fix THE WOMAN.
Presents, drugs...... sellotape.... ?
There's an ENORMOUS possibility she doesn't need a cure.
"
Well said Granny |
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"Do some housework.. if she's not washing your pants, she will have time to be in yours.
True.. A man should help her in household works also..that is called a perfect couple"
Help her in household works? He lives there, he not helping her, he should be as responsible as she is. |
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"Do some housework.. if she's not washing your pants, she will have time to be in yours.
True.. A man should help her in household works also..that is called a perfect couple
Help her in household works? He lives there, he not helping her, he should be as responsible as she is."
That's a huge bugbear of mine.
My Dad used to say, 'I'll do the dishes for you.' ........ I used to growl ..... For me ? You ATE didn't you?
God I miss him .....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Scenario ........
Woman goes off sex.
OMG .... there's something wrong with that woman.
Man want sex.
How can we fix THE WOMAN.
Presents, drugs...... sellotape.... ?
There's an ENORMOUS possibility she doesn't need a cure.
"
Funny, apart from the OP's question (which he says came from his partner) asking about some kind of drug, the thread has been full of suggestions about how he can change, ways he can fix himself to solve the problem, do more housework, give her more attention, buy flowers, put the bins out etc etc. Not seen a lot of suggestions for ways to fix her at all.
That said, I agree with your opinion that she doesn't need a cure. When a woman goes off sex there is absolutely nothing wrong with her at all, she simply doesn't want to have sex with the man she is with. That's not an illness, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with her, she doesn't need convincing or bribing to behave otherwise. There is a possibility that he can change his behaviour and this will change how she feels about him but it's equally possible that he'll try and try and try to be the best person/ partner/friend/husband he can and it will make not the slightest bit of difference because she isn't interested in him like that anymore.
Mr |
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Take her out for the night
Do the housework
Make her dinner
Keep yourself looking nice
Watch her favourite movie
Surprise her with chocolates
Have a laugh with her
Make time for her
Be the best version of yourself
Tell her you love her and she looks beautiful. A lot
Don't ask for sex
Try this for a month
R |
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"Melanin increases sex drive massively. You can supplement it
I think you mean melatonin.....
no melatonin is what the body makes naturally you can get melanin and use it yourself it's called melanotan 2
Melatonin is also prescribed for sleep problems and for egg production during IVF so it’s not only naturally produced. Melanin is a skin pigment- are you suggesting it’s a lack of vitamin D that could be the issue? I remember hearing about melanotan years ago as a tanning aid. "
no I'm suggesting that melanotan makes you horny as fuck male or female I know this personal experience. And melatonin is what gives your hair and skin pigment and is produced naturally in your body |
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"Melanin increases sex drive massively. You can supplement it
I think you mean melatonin.....
no melatonin is what the body makes naturally you can get melanin and use it yourself it's called melanotan 2
Melatonin is also prescribed for sleep problems and for egg production during IVF so it’s not only naturally produced. Melanin is a skin pigment- are you suggesting it’s a lack of vitamin D that could be the issue? I remember hearing about melanotan years ago as a tanning aid.
Yes it is a tanning aid, but....
According to a 2020 review , melanotan II has been linked to a potentially life threatening condition called renal infarction.28 May 2020"
yea scare tactics because the government aren't taxing us on it...it wasn't actually proven. Justice cigarettes gives us cancer right? I know people who have abused the stuff for years and they're doing doing just fine |
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or View forums list | |
"Melanin increases sex drive massively. You can supplement it
I think you mean melatonin.....
no melatonin is what the body makes naturally you can get melanin and use it yourself it's called melanotan 2
Melatonin is also prescribed for sleep problems and for egg production during IVF so it’s not only naturally produced. Melanin is a skin pigment- are you suggesting it’s a lack of vitamin D that could be the issue? I remember hearing about melanotan years ago as a tanning aid.
Yes it is a tanning aid, but....
According to a 2020 review , melanotan II has been linked to a potentially life threatening condition called renal infarction.28 May 2020 yea scare tactics because the government aren't taxing us on it...it wasn't actually proven. Justice cigarettes gives us cancer right? I know people who have abused the stuff for years and they're doing doing just fine"
The TGA has previously warned consumers not to use Melanotan-I, Melanotan-II or any other related injectable tanning products. Side-effects include darkened skin, increased moles and freckles, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, flushing of the face, involuntary stretching and yawning, and spontaneous erections.13 Nov 2019 |
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Melanotan is banned in most countries including the US and Australia. Under UK law it is illegal to ship or sell both variants of the hormone but it is not illegal for customers to buy it. Sellers in Britain face up to two years in jail and an unlimited fine.13 Sept 2019 |
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"I’d be very interested to know any ways that work. For me, my sex drive has decreased because of my emotional well-being so maybe mental well-being and sex drive are connected
Even my wife doesn’t know why it’s gone down, we have a happy life, just the sexual desire isn’t there, if I left it to when she is horny, I’d be lucky to get it once a month and I’d live it five times a week!!"
Maybe not have a single profile on here?
We met via fab 6 years ago . We’ve gone through life & death (literally), sickness & health. T would love it 7 nights a week but knows he’s lucky to get it once a month.
It’s really not all about you.
Wind your cock in & be the man she needs not the man you think you are or deserve to be.
J |
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"Melanin increases sex drive massively. You can supplement it
I think you mean melatonin.....
no melatonin is what the body makes naturally you can get melanin and use it yourself it's called melanotan 2
Melatonin is also prescribed for sleep problems and for egg production during IVF so it’s not only naturally produced. Melanin is a skin pigment- are you suggesting it’s a lack of vitamin D that could be the issue? I remember hearing about melanotan years ago as a tanning aid.
Yes it is a tanning aid, but....
According to a 2020 review , melanotan II has been linked to a potentially life threatening condition called renal infarction.28 May 2020 yea scare tactics because the government aren't taxing us on it...it wasn't actually proven. Justice cigarettes gives us cancer right? I know people who have abused the stuff for years and they're doing doing just fine
The TGA has previously warned consumers not to use Melanotan-I, Melanotan-II or any other related injectable tanning products. Side-effects include darkened skin, increased moles and freckles, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, flushing of the face, involuntary stretching and yawning, and spontaneous erections.13 Nov 2019"
lol I know I've taken it. I don't get what point you're trying make here I merely said it increases your libido didn't ask for a lecture |
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"Melanin increases sex drive massively. You can supplement it
I think you mean melatonin.....
no melatonin is what the body makes naturally you can get melanin and use it yourself it's called melanotan 2
Melatonin is also prescribed for sleep problems and for egg production during IVF so it’s not only naturally produced. Melanin is a skin pigment- are you suggesting it’s a lack of vitamin D that could be the issue? I remember hearing about melanotan years ago as a tanning aid.
Yes it is a tanning aid, but....
According to a 2020 review , melanotan II has been linked to a potentially life threatening condition called renal infarction.28 May 2020 yea scare tactics because the government aren't taxing us on it...it wasn't actually proven. Justice cigarettes gives us cancer right? I know people who have abused the stuff for years and they're doing doing just fine
The TGA has previously warned consumers not to use Melanotan-I, Melanotan-II or any other related injectable tanning products. Side-effects include darkened skin, increased moles and freckles, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, flushing of the face, involuntary stretching and yawning, and spontaneous erections.13 Nov 2019"
and for the record you dont have to inject it you can administer via a nasal spray which is far safer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Take her out for the night
Do the housework
Make her dinner
Keep yourself looking nice
Watch her favourite movie
Surprise her with chocolates
Have a laugh with her
Make time for her
Be the best version of yourself
Tell her you love her and she looks beautiful. A lot
Don't ask for sex
Try this for a month
R"
Gotta love this. Be a perfect human for a month and she 'may' reward you for being a good boy. You do raise the OP is a human being with his own feelings, insecurities, worries and stresses? That he isn't in fact a performing monkey or a begging supplicant?
Alternatively, find a woman that lives you for who and what you are, that fancies you when you're too tired to try anything on a much as when you've just bought her breakfast in bed.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’d be very interested to know any ways that work. For me, my sex drive has decreased because of my emotional well-being so maybe mental well-being and sex drive are connected
Even my wife doesn’t know why it’s gone down, we have a happy life, just the sexual desire isn’t there, if I left it to when she is horny, I’d be lucky to get it once a month and I’d live it five times a week!!
Maybe not have a single profile on here?
We met via fab 6 years ago . We’ve gone through life & death (literally), sickness & health. T would love it 7 nights a week but knows he’s lucky to get it once a month.
It’s really not all about you.
Wind your cock in & be the man she needs not the man you think you are or deserve to be.
J "
Lucky? If my partner was unable to have sex for whatever reason, I genuinely wouldn't care as long as she still showed me affection and intimacy. If she told me I was lucky that she gave it to me she'd be single very very quickly.
Mr |
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"Melanin increases sex drive massively. You can supplement it
I think you mean melatonin.....
no melatonin is what the body makes naturally you can get melanin and use it yourself it's called melanotan 2
Melatonin is also prescribed for sleep problems and for egg production during IVF so it’s not only naturally produced. Melanin is a skin pigment- are you suggesting it’s a lack of vitamin D that could be the issue? I remember hearing about melanotan years ago as a tanning aid. no I'm suggesting that melanotan makes you horny as fuck male or female I know this personal experience. And melatonin is what gives your hair and skin pigment and is produced naturally in your body "
Melatonin is a hormone that is linked to your sleep (and circadian rhythm I believe). Melanin is the skin pigment that is related to tanning- google it if you don’t believe me….
My suggestion of the OPs wife talking to her doctor still stands, and I’d be very cautious about taking any drugs not prescribed and/or randomly bought on the internet. |
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"Melanin increases sex drive massively. You can supplement it
I think you mean melatonin.....
no melatonin is what the body makes naturally you can get melanin and use it yourself it's called melanotan 2
Melatonin is also prescribed for sleep problems and for egg production during IVF so it’s not only naturally produced. Melanin is a skin pigment- are you suggesting it’s a lack of vitamin D that could be the issue? I remember hearing about melanotan years ago as a tanning aid.
Yes it is a tanning aid, but....
According to a 2020 review , melanotan II has been linked to a potentially life threatening condition called renal infarction.28 May 2020 yea scare tactics because the government aren't taxing us on it...it wasn't actually proven. Justice cigarettes gives us cancer right? I know people who have abused the stuff for years and they're doing doing just fine
The TGA has previously warned consumers not to use Melanotan-I, Melanotan-II or any other related injectable tanning products. Side-effects include darkened skin, increased moles and freckles, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, flushing of the face, involuntary stretching and yawning, and spontaneous erections.13 Nov 2019lol I know I've taken it. I don't get what point you're trying make here I merely said it increases your libido didn't ask for a lecture "
It wasn't a 'lecture'. It was a post highlighting risks and side effects. I do believe one is permitted to reply to suggestions of taking certain drugs. |
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"Take her out for the night
Do the housework
Make her dinner
Keep yourself looking nice
Watch her favourite movie
Surprise her with chocolates
Have a laugh with her
Make time for her
Be the best version of yourself
Tell her you love her and she looks beautiful. A lot
Don't ask for sex
Try this for a month
R
Gotta love this. Be a perfect human for a month and she 'may' reward you for being a good boy. You do raise the OP is a human being with his own feelings, insecurities, worries and stresses? That he isn't in fact a performing monkey or a begging supplicant?
Alternatively, find a woman that lives you for who and what you are, that fancies you when you're too tired to try anything on a much as when you've just bought her breakfast in bed.
Mr"
Woman fall out of love with the man they meet. Most of the time they don't end up with that man and that's usually the reason they don't want sex anymore. My whole point was for her to fall in love with him again. If a woman doesn't want sex with a man at his best. They won't want it at his worst
R |
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"Take her out for the night
Do the housework
Make her dinner
Keep yourself looking nice
Watch her favourite movie
Surprise her with chocolates
Have a laugh with her
Make time for her
Be the best version of yourself
Tell her you love her and she looks beautiful. A lot
Don't ask for sex
Try this for a month
R
Gotta love this. Be a perfect human for a month and she 'may' reward you for being a good boy. You do raise the OP is a human being with his own feelings, insecurities, worries and stresses? That he isn't in fact a performing monkey or a begging supplicant?
Alternatively, find a woman that lives you for who and what you are, that fancies you when you're too tired to try anything on a much as when you've just bought her breakfast in bed.
Mr
Woman fall out of love with the man they meet. Most of the time they don't end up with that man and that's usually the reason they don't want sex anymore. My whole point was for her to fall in love with him again. If a woman doesn't want sex with a man at his best. They won't want it at his worst
R"
Fall in love* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Any ideas that work, done plenty of talking so any suggestions?!!"
Your issue is you haven't turned the dials up before sex, turn the twisty things at the top clockwise and put a €1 coin in the slot in the middle to activate your new settings. (yes a Euro as most models originate from a factory in Germany).
If you get a slap in the face then it's worked. |
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"I'm not sure there is a general thing that works for every woman...
..maybe put the bins out, do the washing up, hoovering, flowers, be nice, that sort of stuff? "
I fear this is exactly right! Men get complacent and are constantly looking for fresh meat? We're idiots and forget the gems under our noses! I'm speaking as a crusty old singleton who's probably been and done most things so looks back with some insight?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You've been together 19 years?! Wow. My longest relationship is 3.
I can imagine though, after 19 years of sex with the same person every day, it might get to the point of I just can't be arsed anymore..."
Snap!!!! I was gonna say this. I meannnn… yeah you have a valid point x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You've been together 19 years?! Wow. My longest relationship is 3.
I can imagine though, after 19 years of sex with the same person every day, it might get to the point of I just can't be arsed anymore...
Snap!!!! I was gonna say this. I meannnn… yeah you have a valid point x"
26yrs here. And we still have some cracking sex. Suppose you just need to make the effort though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Haven't read all the replies but like others have said potentially perimenopausal (or premature menopause depending on her age). There is a huge factor of things that can cause it. Autoimmune, treatment for certain things ie cancer treatment, hysterectomy (even just the removal of one ovary).
It's going to be best to talk to her, respect and support her - I'm sure you do but she might need it more right now. There could be underlying issues, mental health issues etc.
I'm 24... Pre May 2021 I didn't have sex for around a year,or if I did it was very very limited. It happens. Didn't mean I loved my partner any less. -  |
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I can understand why the op asked the question. But really shocked by some of the answers. No really, I'm shocked. We don't know the lady, we only have a one sided opinon from the op about her. Then a whole host of arm chair Docs and quacks giving answers.
Please op, discuss this with your lady. Not randoms on here. It maybe medical or mental. She may or may not want help or not want to do anything about it.
The "quick fix pill" you are looking for does not exsist. Humans don't have flap where you change the batteries, and they go off like the ever ready bunny.
Your in here as a single male. Dose she know? Is she happy for you to be? If so can you get you sex fix on here? And accept and grow old with your life partner as she is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wonder if she sometimes feels that if she wants a cuddle or just little intimacies, that you would expect sex and perhaps she could shy away from that.
Maybe try the cuddling etc and leaving it at that for a while. She may feel that its expected and therefore that's why her drive has dwindled.
Just an idea and good luck to you both."
Oh this triggered memories of my marraige. We never just cuddled, its not his style. I locked down physically over time  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Love how so many assume the issue is with the OP with all the suggestions he works harder to make her feel special. The sad thing with this attitude is is promotes the idea that sex and intimacy is something that women offer in exchange for being treated a certain way, that men have to work for in order to be rewarded with and that any reduction of sexual activity in a relationship is almost certainly due to the male half not being good enough as a partner.
Sex isn't a favour, it isn't something you have to be a good boy in order to be rewarded with and it isn't a currency to be used by women (or men) to get their own way. If intimacy is missing in what is otherwise a genuinely happy relationship then the person who no longer wants to be intimate has experienced a change in hormone levels, is dealing with unresolved mental health issues or the relationship isn't as good as you think it is. The reality is there is no such thing as a sex drive, intimacy comes from all kinds of sources. Yes, it can be driven by hormones and certainly in the early days of a relationship that drive to be shagging all the time is largely is but over the years this gets replaced by a need for intimacy driven by pleasure from each others touch and the desire to give pleasure to the one you love.
Ultimately a relationship is a two way thing. It takes work from both parties and will only ever work if both are prepared to listen to each other and make an effort to behave in ways that makes the other happy. Simply stating you have lost your sex drive or no longer want to be intimate and then expecting your partner to make all the adjustments to live with this new lifestyle is the ultimate in selfish behaviour and is only justified by this ridiculous motion that the responsibility lays with the other partner who clearly hasn't made enough effort, put the bins out enough or bought enough bunches of flowers etc.
Despite the insinuations from others on this thread this is absolutely nothing to do with making her do something she doesn't want to. This is another trope that gets thrown in on these threads to add to the stereotype that intimacy and sex is something you have to convince others to partake in. The issue is clearly that you want her to *want* to have sex with you, not that you want sex from her irrespective of whether she wants it or not.
Good luck OP, you'll need it. Nothing will change your situation until your partner decides to try to change it and that depends on whether or not she understands how much this hurts you and values your happiness enough to make the effort to try. Most likely, she is happy as she is and will see no reason to change as you are still providing her with everything she needs and wants. She is likely unaware of exactly how this is making you feel simply because it won't be a feeling she has experienced so her levels of understanding will be restricted by her inability to fully empathise.
Mr
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There some great replies here and some terrible!
All the good advice I already do so maybe we just have different sex drives, as I get older sex is all I think about most of the time!
I’ll just have to keep Substituting with my imagination!
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"Melanin has nothing to do with sex drive, it's a skin pigment.a quick Google will tell you it massively increases sex drive
Surprised I have any sex drive at all then "
lol have some melanotan your clit will be throbbing all day (not even joking) |
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"Fab, in all its glory!
"
Standard. Obviously I include myself in that.
I'm aware that I am here - unlike others who position their pedestal ever higher and higher and think it elevates them from the shit.
Why expect anything else?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There some great replies here and some terrible!
All the good advice I already do so maybe we just have different sex drives, as I get older sex is all I think about most of the time!
I’ll just have to keep Substituting with my imagination!
"
Sounds like it's perhaps you that has changed and not your wife |
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"I’d be very interested to know any ways that work. For me, my sex drive has decreased because of my emotional well-being so maybe mental well-being and sex drive are connected
Even my wife doesn’t know why it’s gone down, we have a happy life, just the sexual desire isn’t there, if I left it to when she is horny, I’d be lucky to get it once a month and I’d live it five times a week!!
Maybe not have a single profile on here?
We met via fab 6 years ago . We’ve gone through life & death (literally), sickness & health. T would love it 7 nights a week but knows he’s lucky to get it once a month.
It’s really not all about you.
Wind your cock in & be the man she needs not the man you think you are or deserve to be.
J
Lucky? If my partner was unable to have sex for whatever reason, I genuinely wouldn't care as long as she still showed me affection and intimacy. If she told me I was lucky that she gave it to me she'd be single very very quickly.
Mr"
Yes he is lucky as my libido has disappeared through early menopause. He gets plenty of affection & intimacy. He knows I love him & still find him incredibly sexy. |
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