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How to get over someone
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 . Or I guess time will eventually erode the feelings but that could take months or years...
It wasn't the classiest solution but I used to have sex with as many men (I found attractive) as I possibly could to act as a distraction until I found another I liked. I suppose it worked, I'm happily married and over my ex's Xx | |||
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"I’m not sure if this is a correct answer but what I’d do is try and fill that with another thought. Focus on something take up a new hobby or something along those lines and channel your energy into that "This ^ Focus on you. Stop yourself. Tell yourself off even. Remind yourself this is not healthy. It's messing with your head. If they messed with your head.. remind yourself that you deserve freedom and its them being fucked up not you. And nothing feels as good as freedom from something what ties you down, drains you and makes you unwell. you are in charge of your thoughts.. and your thoughts gently but firmly stirred into positive direction, away from "obsession" will make a hell of a difference of how you feel about them (gaining more and more distance) and yourself. You are the one doing the allowing. You are capable of changing it too. | |||
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"Tbh it seems that moving on is difficult until you find someone else you're just as keen on . Or I guess time will eventually erode the feelings but that could take months or years...
It wasn't the classiest solution but I used to have sex with as many men (I found attractive) as I possibly could to act as a distraction until I found another I liked. I suppose it worked, I'm happily married and over my ex's Xx"I’m keen to not move my obsession to another person. I just want him gone from my mind. Fucking others isn’t fair, I just wish I was with him the whole time and close my eyes imagining it was him  | |||
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"I’ve tried so hard to distract myself with other things and I’m constantly busy now but he’s still in there. My friends suggested therapy but I’m not sure. I’m hoping time will help but I’m looking for a quicker solution. Maybe I should stop fucking him haha " A good place to start. | |||
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"I’m not sure if this is a correct answer but what I’d do is try and fill that with another thought. Focus on something take up a new hobby or something along those lines and channel your energy into that
This ^
Focus on you. Stop yourself. Tell yourself off even. Remind yourself this is not healthy. It's messing with your head. If they messed with your head.. remind yourself that you deserve freedom and its them being fucked up not you. And nothing feels as good as freedom from something what ties you down, drains you and makes you unwell. you are in charge of your thoughts.. and your thoughts gently but firmly stirred into positive direction, away from "obsession" will make a hell of a difference of how you feel about them (gaining more and more distance) and yourself. You are the one doing the allowing. You are capable of changing it too. "Thanks, I will do this  | |||
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"Whilst you are fuckung him he's gonna live in your head. If you truly want to get rid of thoughts about him, don't fuck him. It'll take time or thoughts to wane but they will." I will definitely stop, I have to! | |||
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"I don't think there's anything you can do to quite get over Chris Hemsworth. For anyone else. Remove anything physical from your life that reminds you of them, if you can. Understand and accept your thoughts and feelings but know you need your mental space back. Focus on something else, start a new hobby, go for walks, find someone else that is even better to occupy you "I don’t think it’s fair to involve another person right now but I’ll definitely keep myself busy | |||
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"Whilst you are fuckung him he's gonna live in your head. If you truly want to get rid of thoughts about him, don't fuck him. It'll take time or thoughts to wane but they will. I will definitely stop, I have to! " Is he that good? | |||
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"Anyone got any tips about getting over someone who you are OBSESSED with. I mean someone who lives in your head 24/7. Any tips gratefully received "Get under someone else | |||
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"Whilst you are fuckung him he's gonna live in your head. If you truly want to get rid of thoughts about him, don't fuck him. It'll take time or thoughts to wane but they will. I will definitely stop, I have to! Is he that good? "He’s soooo good and he’s the most beautiful man (to me) that I’ve ever seen (my friends think he’s ugly!). I just love every inch of him. | |||
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"Anyone got any tips about getting over someone who you are OBSESSED with. I mean someone who lives in your head 24/7. Any tips gratefully received
Get under someone else "I’ve tried that, it doesn’t work. I just wish they were him and that’s not fair. | |||
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"I’m not sure if this is a correct answer but what I’d do is try and fill that with another thought. Focus on something take up a new hobby or something along those lines and channel your energy into that
This ^
Focus on you. Stop yourself. Tell yourself off even. Remind yourself this is not healthy. It's messing with your head. If they messed with your head.. remind yourself that you deserve freedom and its them being fucked up not you. And nothing feels as good as freedom from something what ties you down, drains you and makes you unwell. you are in charge of your thoughts.. and your thoughts gently but firmly stirred into positive direction, away from "obsession" will make a hell of a difference of how you feel about them (gaining more and more distance) and yourself. You are the one doing the allowing. You are capable of changing it too.
Thanks, I will do this "Just one day at a time. Even if you slip up don't be tough on yourself. It's like fighting an addiction a little. | |||
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"Whilst you are fuckung him he's gonna live in your head. If you truly want to get rid of thoughts about him, don't fuck him. It'll take time or thoughts to wane but they will. I will definitely stop, I have to! Is he that good?
He’s soooo good and he’s the most beautiful man (to me) that I’ve ever seen (my friends think he’s ugly!). I just love every inch of him."So what's the problem? | |||
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"I’m not sure if this is a correct answer but what I’d do is try and fill that with another thought. Focus on something take up a new hobby or something along those lines and channel your energy into that
This ^
Focus on you. Stop yourself. Tell yourself off even. Remind yourself this is not healthy. It's messing with your head. If they messed with your head.. remind yourself that you deserve freedom and its them being fucked up not you. And nothing feels as good as freedom from something what ties you down, drains you and makes you unwell. you are in charge of your thoughts.. and your thoughts gently but firmly stirred into positive direction, away from "obsession" will make a hell of a difference of how you feel about them (gaining more and more distance) and yourself. You are the one doing the allowing. You are capable of changing it too.
Thanks, I will do this
Just one day at a time. Even if you slip up don't be tough on yourself. It's like fighting an addiction a little. "It is! I’m addicted! | |||
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"Whilst you are fuckung him he's gonna live in your head. If you truly want to get rid of thoughts about him, don't fuck him. It'll take time or thoughts to wane but they will. I will definitely stop, I have to! Is he that good?
He’s soooo good and he’s the most beautiful man (to me) that I’ve ever seen (my friends think he’s ugly!). I just love every inch of him.
So what's the problem?"I love him and want to be with him and he picks me up and drops me (for 5 years!) and doesn’t want to be with me. | |||
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"I’ve tried so hard to distract myself with other things and I’m constantly busy now but he’s still in there. My friends suggested therapy but I’m not sure. I’m hoping time will help but I’m looking for a quicker solution. Maybe I should stop fucking him haha " I didnt realise that you had sex with him. So he doesn't feel the same about you? | |||
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"Whilst you are fuckung him he's gonna live in your head. If you truly want to get rid of thoughts about him, don't fuck him. It'll take time or thoughts to wane but they will. I will definitely stop, I have to! Is he that good?
He’s soooo good and he’s the most beautiful man (to me) that I’ve ever seen (my friends think he’s ugly!). I just love every inch of him.
So what's the problem?
I love him and want to be with him and he picks me up and drops me (for 5 years!) and doesn’t want to be with me."Oh lovely.. this is a torture. Don't do it to yourself. Things haven't changed for 5 years... people hardly change. You deserve better. | |||
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"Tbh it seems that moving on is difficult until you find someone else you're just as keen on . Or I guess time will eventually erode the feelings but that could take months or years...
It wasn't the classiest solution but I used to have sex with as many men (I found attractive) as I possibly could to act as a distraction until I found another I liked. I suppose it worked, I'm happily married and over my ex's Xx
I’m keen to not move my obsession to another person. I just want him gone from my mind.
Fucking others isn’t fair, I just wish I was with him the whole time and close my eyes imagining it was him "Everyone is different hun I guess on how they deal with and process things. I found the distraction of other men really useful, I told them it was just one off NSA, so they got an easy shag (I didn't feel bad for them) and it took my mind off it for a bit. That alone slowly allowed me to clear my head until eventually found my husband, which I wasn't looking for, I actually wanted to stay single for a bit. But clearly I moved on to the next stage of my life, even though I wasn't looking for it. But if you're just going to think of him then no, it might not work for you  xx | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ?" I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along, | |||
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"I’ve tried so hard to distract myself with other things and I’m constantly busy now but he’s still in there. My friends suggested therapy but I’m not sure. I’m hoping time will help but I’m looking for a quicker solution. Maybe I should stop fucking him haha I didnt realise that you had sex with him. So he doesn't feel the same about you? " No. He uses me for sex. | |||
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"For me it helped to look at why I was obsessing. It wasn't about him personally, it was about what he represented to me that I felt I wasn't getting anywhere else in my life. I did need counselling to work through it, not just my obsession with him but with a lot of other stuff I was dealing with at the time. Professional help may be of benefit - I wouldn't rule it out." I’ll look at that. | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ? I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along," Jeez! What an awful situation. Think of your dignity and self worth. | |||
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"Find someone else and think about them like the one in your head alternatively get a bunch of friends and use them as as distraction have a wild time slowly it'll fade away" I don’t want to replace him with someone else. I just want him gone. | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ? I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along, Jeez! What an awful situation. Think of your dignity and self worth." It’s awful and needs to stop. | |||
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"Stop talking to them and learn to appreciate yourself again "I’m definitely trying to do that | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ? I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along, Jeez! What an awful situation. Think of your dignity and self worth. It’s awful and needs to stop." Only one person who can stop it. I know I'm sometimes harsh but what other solution is there? | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ? I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along, Jeez! What an awful situation. Think of your dignity and self worth." It must be detrimental to both. Your kids are not a factor which decreases your value on relationship market.. and there is plenty men who would cherish you as being a strong mother to them. | |||
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"Whilst you are fuckung him he's gonna live in your head. If you truly want to get rid of thoughts about him, don't fuck him. It'll take time or thoughts to wane but they will. I will definitely stop, I have to! Is he that good?
He’s soooo good and he’s the most beautiful man (to me) that I’ve ever seen (my friends think he’s ugly!). I just love every inch of him.
So what's the problem?
I love him and want to be with him and he picks me up and drops me (for 5 years!) and doesn’t want to be with me."Okay Here goes ( this is serious me )
1. He doesn't want to be with you.
So .... which would be worse NEVER seeing him or seeing him sometimes even though you are not loved by him ?
You decide.
You will stop loving him shortly in any case. Even if you see him every day for years.
Unrequited love doesn't grow.
If you keep loving him when you are not loved back it isn't love just lust and infatuation.
Forgetting him will be the least of your problems you'll have chucked him out and settled for contentment for a while. | |||
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"I’ve tried so hard to distract myself with other things and I’m constantly busy now but he’s still in there. My friends suggested therapy but I’m not sure. I’m hoping time will help but I’m looking for a quicker solution. Maybe I should stop fucking him haha I didnt realise that you had sex with him. So he doesn't feel the same about you? No. He uses me for sex." Which you know is wrong even if the sex is mutually beneficial etc, anyone else using you who wasn't this person would be also wrong and you wouldn't rightly allow it.. Will be hard to break the addiction but you owe it to yourself to take the plunge, seek help if required and do so .. | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ? I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along, Jeez! What an awful situation. Think of your dignity and self worth. It’s awful and needs to stop. Only one person who can stop it. I know I'm sometimes harsh but what other solution is there? " There is no other solution. I’m just being an idiot now. | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ? I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along, Jeez! What an awful situation. Think of your dignity and self worth. It must be detrimental to both. Your kids are not a factor which decreases your value on relationship market.. and there is plenty men who would cherish you as being a strong mother to them. " I know, it’s never been a problem with anyone else! | |||
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"Find someone else and think about them like the one in your head alternatively get a bunch of friends and use them as as distraction have a wild time slowly it'll fade away I don’t want to replace him with someone else. I just want him gone." Then you've answered your own question if you want it that much it should be easy little self control goes a long way | |||
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"Whilst you are fuckung him he's gonna live in your head. If you truly want to get rid of thoughts about him, don't fuck him. It'll take time or thoughts to wane but they will. I will definitely stop, I have to! Is he that good?
He’s soooo good and he’s the most beautiful man (to me) that I’ve ever seen (my friends think he’s ugly!). I just love every inch of him.
So what's the problem?
I love him and want to be with him and he picks me up and drops me (for 5 years!) and doesn’t want to be with me.
Okay Here goes ( this is serious me )
1. He doesn't want to be with you.
So .... which would be worse NEVER seeing him or seeing him sometimes even though you are not loved by him ?
You decide.
You will stop loving him shortly in any case. Even if you see him every day for years.
Unrequited love doesn't grow.
If you keep loving him when you are not loved back it isn't love just lust and infatuation.
Forgetting him will be the least of your problems you'll have chucked him out and settled for contentment for a while. "That’s very true. This just feels horrible and it’s been going on for 5 years! I want it to stop. | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ? I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along, Jeez! What an awful situation. Think of your dignity and self worth. It’s awful and needs to stop. Only one person who can stop it. I know I'm sometimes harsh but what other solution is there? There is no other solution. I’m just being an idiot now." I wouldn't go that far  .
What are you holding on for? | |||
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"I’ve tried so hard to distract myself with other things and I’m constantly busy now but he’s still in there. My friends suggested therapy but I’m not sure. I’m hoping time will help but I’m looking for a quicker solution. Maybe I should stop fucking him haha I didnt realise that you had sex with him. So he doesn't feel the same about you? No. He uses me for sex. Which you know is wrong even if the sex is mutually beneficial etc, anyone else using you who wasn't this person would be also wrong and you wouldn't rightly allow it.. Will be hard to break the addiction but you owe it to yourself to take the plunge, seek help if required and do so .. "You’re right | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ? I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along, Jeez! What an awful situation. Think of your dignity and self worth. It’s awful and needs to stop. Only one person who can stop it. I know I'm sometimes harsh but what other solution is there? There is no other solution. I’m just being an idiot now. I wouldn't go that far .
What are you holding on for? "In the hope that he’ll change his mind but I know he never will. | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ? I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along," I thought your kids were older? Is it really that bigger deal for him? That's a bit shallow if you're suited in every other way and Bo just want to get married. Xx | |||
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"Whilst you are fuckung him he's gonna live in your head. If you truly want to get rid of thoughts about him, don't fuck him. It'll take time or thoughts to wane but they will. I will definitely stop, I have to! Is he that good?
He’s soooo good and he’s the most beautiful man (to me) that I’ve ever seen (my friends think he’s ugly!). I just love every inch of him.
So what's the problem?
I love him and want to be with him and he picks me up and drops me (for 5 years!) and doesn’t want to be with me.
Okay Here goes ( this is serious me )
1. He doesn't want to be with you.
So .... which would be worse NEVER seeing him or seeing him sometimes even though you are not loved by him ?
You decide.
You will stop loving him shortly in any case. Even if you see him every day for years.
Unrequited love doesn't grow.
If you keep loving him when you are not loved back it isn't love just lust and infatuation.
Forgetting him will be the least of your problems you'll have chucked him out and settled for contentment for a while.
That’s very true. This just feels horrible and it’s been going on for 5 years! I want it to stop."In this instance you are mistress of your own fate. You're saying you want it to stop. How can you achieve that? | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ? I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along, I thought your kids were older? Is it really that bigger deal for him? That's a bit shallow if you're suited in every other way and Bo just want to get married. Xx" I have two grown up kids and some little ones. We are perfectly suited in every other way and he says this himself! | |||
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"Whilst you are fuckung him he's gonna live in your head. If you truly want to get rid of thoughts about him, don't fuck him. It'll take time or thoughts to wane but they will. I will definitely stop, I have to! Is he that good?
He’s soooo good and he’s the most beautiful man (to me) that I’ve ever seen (my friends think he’s ugly!). I just love every inch of him.
So what's the problem?
I love him and want to be with him and he picks me up and drops me (for 5 years!) and doesn’t want to be with me.
Okay Here goes ( this is serious me )
1. He doesn't want to be with you.
So .... which would be worse NEVER seeing him or seeing him sometimes even though you are not loved by him ?
You decide.
You will stop loving him shortly in any case. Even if you see him every day for years.
Unrequited love doesn't grow.
If you keep loving him when you are not loved back it isn't love just lust and infatuation.
Forgetting him will be the least of your problems you'll have chucked him out and settled for contentment for a while.
That’s very true. This just feels horrible and it’s been going on for 5 years! I want it to stop.
In this instance you are mistress of your own fate. You're saying you want it to stop. How can you achieve that? "I’ve tried to stop sooo many times. I need to block him and stick with it this time. | |||
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"Op, don't be too hard on yourself.. It's not you being idiotic, it's addiction and as any recovering addict will acknowledge it's recognising and accepting there's an issue which is a big first step.. " I accept this is an issue, now I need to commit to stopping it! | |||
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"Whilst you are fuckung him he's gonna live in your head. If you truly want to get rid of thoughts about him, don't fuck him. It'll take time or thoughts to wane but they will. I will definitely stop, I have to! Is he that good?
He’s soooo good and he’s the most beautiful man (to me) that I’ve ever seen (my friends think he’s ugly!). I just love every inch of him.
So what's the problem?
I love him and want to be with him and he picks me up and drops me (for 5 years!) and doesn’t want to be with me.
Okay Here goes ( this is serious me )
1. He doesn't want to be with you.
So .... which would be worse NEVER seeing him or seeing him sometimes even though you are not loved by him ?
You decide.
You will stop loving him shortly in any case. Even if you see him every day for years.
Unrequited love doesn't grow.
If you keep loving him when you are not loved back it isn't love just lust and infatuation.
Forgetting him will be the least of your problems you'll have chucked him out and settled for contentment for a while.
That’s very true. This just feels horrible and it’s been going on for 5 years! I want it to stop."OK...so what are you really going to do about it. You know that it starts with stopping seeing him Take back control....you'll be glad you did. | |||
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"Anyone got any tips about getting over someone who you are OBSESSED with. I mean someone who lives in your head 24/7. Any tips gratefully received "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else   | |||
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"Whilst you are fuckung him he's gonna live in your head. If you truly want to get rid of thoughts about him, don't fuck him. It'll take time or thoughts to wane but they will. I will definitely stop, I have to! Is he that good?
He’s soooo good and he’s the most beautiful man (to me) that I’ve ever seen (my friends think he’s ugly!). I just love every inch of him.
So what's the problem?
I love him and want to be with him and he picks me up and drops me (for 5 years!) and doesn’t want to be with me.
Okay Here goes ( this is serious me )
1. He doesn't want to be with you.
So .... which would be worse NEVER seeing him or seeing him sometimes even though you are not loved by him ?
You decide.
You will stop loving him shortly in any case. Even if you see him every day for years.
Unrequited love doesn't grow.
If you keep loving him when you are not loved back it isn't love just lust and infatuation.
Forgetting him will be the least of your problems you'll have chucked him out and settled for contentment for a while.
That’s very true. This just feels horrible and it’s been going on for 5 years! I want it to stop.
OK...so what are you really going to do about it.
You know that it starts with stopping seeing him
Take back control....you'll be glad you did."That’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to block him and then I’ll try to distract myself when I think of him. | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ? I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along," So what are you using him for? It’s a two way street - he makes you feel like shit but you still fuck - here in lies the problem x | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ? I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along, I thought your kids were older? Is it really that bigger deal for him? That's a bit shallow if you're suited in every other way and Bo just want to get married. Xx I have two grown up kids and some little ones. We are perfectly suited in every other way and he says this himself! " How old are all your kids if you don't mind me asking? Are you sure there isn't a way to work though it with him? Xx | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ? I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along, I thought your kids were older? Is it really that bigger deal for him? That's a bit shallow if you're suited in every other way and Bo just want to get married. Xx I have two grown up kids and some little ones. We are perfectly suited in every other way and he says this himself! " Maybe he's using the kid excuse to not take things further | |||
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"Anyone got any tips about getting over someone who you are OBSESSED with. I mean someone who lives in your head 24/7. Any tips gratefully received
The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else "It’s not, I’ve tried that. That makes me worse because they aren’t him! I wish it was that easy. | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ? I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along, I thought your kids were older? Is it really that bigger deal for him? That's a bit shallow if you're suited in every other way and Bo just want to get married. Xx I have two grown up kids and some little ones. We are perfectly suited in every other way and he says this himself! Maybe he's using the kid excuse to not take things further " I don’t think so. He’s not English and he’s from a culture that doesn’t easily accept women with children to other men. He doesn’t like kids but wants his own (go figure!), I don’t want any more. It’s complicated. | |||
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"Dependency. You have become dependent on what ever it is he gives you or you get from him. We have one life. Just one. I am not being morbid here. It is vital to remember that we 'all must die' ....... Why do you spend the days you have pre occupied mentally about someone who is a negative in your life. I'm not saying he's a bad person. I am saying you are not happy..... it is not a good situation for you and truthfully, I am telling you to stop. Do it gently and with very few words but stop. Imagine that your days are numbered ? How would you spend those days ? Doing things you like , with people you like ? Or feeling fucking miserable because you are not loved by someone who doesn't love you ..... Stop. " | |||
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"Dependency. You have become dependent on what ever it is he gives you or you get from him. We have one life. Just one. I am not being morbid here. It is vital to remember that we 'all must die' ....... Why do you spend the days you have pre occupied mentally about someone who is a negative in your life. I'm not saying he's a bad person. I am saying you are not happy..... it is not a good situation for you and truthfully, I am telling you to stop. Do it gently and with very few words but stop. Imagine that your days are numbered ? How would you spend those days ? Doing things you like , with people you like ? Or feeling fucking miserable because you are not loved by someone who doesn't love you ..... Stop. " | |||
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"Dependency. You have become dependent on what ever it is he gives you or you get from him. We have one life. Just one. I am not being morbid here. It is vital to remember that we 'all must die' ....... Why do you spend the days you have pre occupied mentally about someone who is a negative in your life. I'm not saying he's a bad person. I am saying you are not happy..... it is not a good situation for you and truthfully, I am telling you to stop. Do it gently and with very few words but stop. Imagine that your days are numbered ? How would you spend those days ? Doing things you like , with people you like ? Or feeling fucking miserable because you are not loved by someone who doesn't love you ..... Stop. " Exactly this, know you’re own worth x | |||
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"Dependency. You have become dependent on what ever it is he gives you or you get from him. We have one life. Just one. I am not being morbid here. It is vital to remember that we 'all must die' ....... Why do you spend the days you have pre occupied mentally about someone who is a negative in your life. I'm not saying he's a bad person. I am saying you are not happy..... it is not a good situation for you and truthfully, I am telling you to stop. Do it gently and with very few words but stop. Imagine that your days are numbered ? How would you spend those days ? Doing things you like , with people you like ? Or feeling fucking miserable because you are not loved by someone who doesn't love you ..... Stop. " I need to. That is very true and I do think that way myself. I’m usually so bolshy and strong but he makes me this wet arse weak woman! I hate it. It needs to stop. | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ? I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along, I thought your kids were older? Is it really that bigger deal for him? That's a bit shallow if you're suited in every other way and Bo just want to get married. Xx I have two grown up kids and some little ones. We are perfectly suited in every other way and he says this himself! Maybe he's using the kid excuse to not take things further I don’t think so. He’s not English and he’s from a culture that doesn’t easily accept women with children to other men. He doesn’t like kids but wants his own (go figure!), I don’t want any more. It’s complicated." Just cut him off...I know it's not easy but it gets easier x | |||
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"Whilst you are fuckung him he's gonna live in your head. If you truly want to get rid of thoughts about him, don't fuck him. It'll take time or thoughts to wane but they will. I will definitely stop, I have to! Is he that good?
He’s soooo good and he’s the most beautiful man (to me) that I’ve ever seen (my friends think he’s ugly!). I just love every inch of him.
So what's the problem?
I love him and want to be with him and he picks me up and drops me (for 5 years!) and doesn’t want to be with me.
Okay Here goes ( this is serious me )
1. He doesn't want to be with you.
So .... which would be worse NEVER seeing him or seeing him sometimes even though you are not loved by him ?
You decide.
You will stop loving him shortly in any case. Even if you see him every day for years.
Unrequited love doesn't grow.
If you keep loving him when you are not loved back it isn't love just lust and infatuation.
Forgetting him will be the least of your problems you'll have chucked him out and settled for contentment for a while.
That’s very true. This just feels horrible and it’s been going on for 5 years! I want it to stop.
OK...so what are you really going to do about it.
You know that it starts with stopping seeing him
Take back control....you'll be glad you did.
That’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to block him and then I’ll try to distract myself when I think of him. "You can think about him, thoughts don't go away. But distance sometimes lends clarity and you might find that you see the situation for what it really is rather than what you'd like it to be. You know he'll find a way to contact you when he wants sex, say no. | |||
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"I’ve tried so hard to distract myself with other things and I’m constantly busy now but he’s still in there. My friends suggested therapy but I’m not sure. I’m hoping time will help but I’m looking for a quicker solution. Maybe I should stop fucking him haha " Was ready to give advice until I read that last sentence. | |||
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"Whilst you are fuckung him he's gonna live in your head. If you truly want to get rid of thoughts about him, don't fuck him. It'll take time or thoughts to wane but they will. I will definitely stop, I have to! Is he that good?
He’s soooo good and he’s the most beautiful man (to me) that I’ve ever seen (my friends think he’s ugly!). I just love every inch of him.
So what's the problem?
I love him and want to be with him and he picks me up and drops me (for 5 years!) and doesn’t want to be with me.
Okay Here goes ( this is serious me )
1. He doesn't want to be with you.
So .... which would be worse NEVER seeing him or seeing him sometimes even though you are not loved by him ?
You decide.
You will stop loving him shortly in any case. Even if you see him every day for years.
Unrequited love doesn't grow.
If you keep loving him when you are not loved back it isn't love just lust and infatuation.
Forgetting him will be the least of your problems you'll have chucked him out and settled for contentment for a while.
That’s very true. This just feels horrible and it’s been going on for 5 years! I want it to stop.
OK...so what are you really going to do about it.
You know that it starts with stopping seeing him
Take back control....you'll be glad you did.
That’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to block him and then I’ll try to distract myself when I think of him.
You can think about him, thoughts don't go away. But distance sometimes lends clarity and you might find that you see the situation for what it really is rather than what you'd like it to be.
You know he'll find a way to contact you when he wants sex, say no."This is my goal now. Say no. I’ve never said no to him and now I need to start. | |||
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"I’ve tried so hard to distract myself with other things and I’m constantly busy now but he’s still in there. My friends suggested therapy but I’m not sure. I’m hoping time will help but I’m looking for a quicker solution. Maybe I should stop fucking him haha Was ready to give advice until I read that last sentence. "I know, I’m a dick! | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ? I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along, I thought your kids were older? Is it really that bigger deal for him? That's a bit shallow if you're suited in every other way and Bo just want to get married. Xx I have two grown up kids and some little ones. We are perfectly suited in every other way and he says this himself! Maybe he's using the kid excuse to not take things further I don’t think so. He’s not English and he’s from a culture that doesn’t easily accept women with children to other men. He doesn’t like kids but wants his own (go figure!), I don’t want any more. It’s complicated." Oh! That old chestnut. A young woman I know has been dating a guy for five years (coincidentally) from another culture. He's never introduced her to his family even though they live very close by, because it would be "disrespectful". He assures her he will introduce her before they get married. He won't because he has no intention of marrying her but she refuses to believe that. | |||
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"Whilst you are fuckung him he's gonna live in your head. If you truly want to get rid of thoughts about him, don't fuck him. It'll take time or thoughts to wane but they will. I will definitely stop, I have to! Is he that good?
He’s soooo good and he’s the most beautiful man (to me) that I’ve ever seen (my friends think he’s ugly!). I just love every inch of him.
So what's the problem?
I love him and want to be with him and he picks me up and drops me (for 5 years!) and doesn’t want to be with me.
Okay Here goes ( this is serious me )
1. He doesn't want to be with you.
So .... which would be worse NEVER seeing him or seeing him sometimes even though you are not loved by him ?
You decide.
You will stop loving him shortly in any case. Even if you see him every day for years.
Unrequited love doesn't grow.
If you keep loving him when you are not loved back it isn't love just lust and infatuation.
Forgetting him will be the least of your problems you'll have chucked him out and settled for contentment for a while.
That’s very true. This just feels horrible and it’s been going on for 5 years! I want it to stop.
OK...so what are you really going to do about it.
You know that it starts with stopping seeing him
Take back control....you'll be glad you did.
That’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to block him and then I’ll try to distract myself when I think of him.
You can think about him, thoughts don't go away. But distance sometimes lends clarity and you might find that you see the situation for what it really is rather than what you'd like it to be.
You know he'll find a way to contact you when he wants sex, say no.
This is my goal now. Say no. I’ve never said no to him and now I need to start." stop saying "need to" and start saying "I am going to immediately" | |||
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"I’ve tried so hard to distract myself with other things and I’m constantly busy now but he’s still in there. My friends suggested therapy but I’m not sure. I’m hoping time will help but I’m looking for a quicker solution. Maybe I should stop fucking him haha " Definitely stop fucking him. Make a list of everything you dislike about him and when he starts filling your head, look at the list and feel relief that you don't have to put up with that shit anymore. | |||
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"Whilst you are fuckung him he's gonna live in your head. If you truly want to get rid of thoughts about him, don't fuck him. It'll take time or thoughts to wane but they will. I will definitely stop, I have to! Is he that good?
He’s soooo good and he’s the most beautiful man (to me) that I’ve ever seen (my friends think he’s ugly!). I just love every inch of him.
So what's the problem?
I love him and want to be with him and he picks me up and drops me (for 5 years!) and doesn’t want to be with me.
Okay Here goes ( this is serious me )
1. He doesn't want to be with you.
So .... which would be worse NEVER seeing him or seeing him sometimes even though you are not loved by him ?
You decide.
You will stop loving him shortly in any case. Even if you see him every day for years.
Unrequited love doesn't grow.
If you keep loving him when you are not loved back it isn't love just lust and infatuation.
Forgetting him will be the least of your problems you'll have chucked him out and settled for contentment for a while.
That’s very true. This just feels horrible and it’s been going on for 5 years! I want it to stop.
OK...so what are you really going to do about it.
You know that it starts with stopping seeing him
Take back control....you'll be glad you did.
That’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to block him and then I’ll try to distract myself when I think of him.
You can think about him, thoughts don't go away. But distance sometimes lends clarity and you might find that you see the situation for what it really is rather than what you'd like it to be.
You know he'll find a way to contact you when he wants sex, say no.
This is my goal now. Say no. I’ve never said no to him and now I need to start."Just a little bit of advice about saying no. Don't say no. Say - This isn't working for me anymore and i don't want to meet anymore. Have fun. Bye. He will immediately begin to manipulate cos he's used to getting his own way. NEVER start to explain yourself. You will just get tied in knots, go through twists and turns and he will put doubt in your head. Keep the convo polite and short. 'Things aren't working out for me. I don't want to meet with you anymore'. If he asks again simply repeat ... or say it's no longer fun bye now. I'm only advising this as 'no' sounds petulant and moody and anything more opens the gates to long conversations that will do your swede in. If you mean it ..... Keep it short and sweet and don't change the mantra. Don't fall for questions, emotions, false pains... Keep the mantra up and mean it. Only you can take charge. | |||
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"Read 'How to Get Over a Boy' by Chidera Eggerue. Even if it doesn't help, reading it will distract you for a while. Reading any books will help take your mind off things. If I want to distract myself from something, I swim. I focus a lot on my breathing and the 'chanting' fills my head so I can't think. (I chant 'reach, reach, breathe') Or I think of something that I'm looking forward to, usually a race, and go for a run imagining getting a massive PB. My favourite daydream is running a 100 mile race and sometimes I run just imagining what I'll put on my playlist and what I'll eat. " But he's not a boy he's a fully grown man who's been completely honest about his intentions to a fully grown woman. | |||
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"Read 'How to Get Over a Boy' by Chidera Eggerue. Even if it doesn't help, reading it will distract you for a while. Reading any books will help take your mind off things. If I want to distract myself from something, I swim. I focus a lot on my breathing and the 'chanting' fills my head so I can't think. (I chant 'reach, reach, breathe') Or I think of something that I'm looking forward to, usually a race, and go for a run imagining getting a massive PB. My favourite daydream is running a 100 mile race and sometimes I run just imagining what I'll put on my playlist and what I'll eat. But he's not a boy he's a fully grown man who's been completely honest about his intentions to a fully grown woman." Basically just wants sex! Take it or leave it. | |||
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"Thank you all, of course you’re completely correct and the worst thing is - I know this! He’s been blocked from every contact option now. I will concentrate on myself and keep myself busy. I already feel sad about it but he makes me feel sad anyway. I’m done "Good! Not that you're sad but that you're moving on. | |||
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"Read 'How to Get Over a Boy' by Chidera Eggerue. Even if it doesn't help, reading it will distract you for a while. Reading any books will help take your mind off things. If I want to distract myself from something, I swim. I focus a lot on my breathing and the 'chanting' fills my head so I can't think. (I chant 'reach, reach, breathe') Or I think of something that I'm looking forward to, usually a race, and go for a run imagining getting a massive PB. My favourite daydream is running a 100 mile race and sometimes I run just imagining what I'll put on my playlist and what I'll eat. But he's not a boy he's a fully grown man who's been completely honest about his intentions to a fully grown woman." It's just the name of the book and it's actually a really good read - I'm not saying he is a boy. I'm just offering advice. | |||
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"Thank you all, of course you’re completely correct and the worst thing is - I know this! He’s been blocked from every contact option now. I will concentrate on myself and keep myself busy. I already feel sad about it but he makes me feel sad anyway. I’m done "You deserve to be happy not sad! His loss and don't forget your own worth. Xox | |||
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"Thank you all, of course you’re completely correct and the worst thing is - I know this! He’s been blocked from every contact option now. I will concentrate on myself and keep myself busy. I already feel sad about it but he makes me feel sad anyway. I’m done
Good! Not that you're sad but that you're moving on. "Thank you, I can’t go on like this. It has to end today and it has | |||
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"Thank you all, of course you’re completely correct and the worst thing is - I know this! He’s been blocked from every contact option now. I will concentrate on myself and keep myself busy. I already feel sad about it but he makes me feel sad anyway. I’m done You deserve to be happy not sad! His loss and don't forget your own worth. Xox "Thank you | |||
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"Read 'How to Get Over a Boy' by Chidera Eggerue. Even if it doesn't help, reading it will distract you for a while. Reading any books will help take your mind off things. If I want to distract myself from something, I swim. I focus a lot on my breathing and the 'chanting' fills my head so I can't think. (I chant 'reach, reach, breathe') Or I think of something that I'm looking forward to, usually a race, and go for a run imagining getting a massive PB. My favourite daydream is running a 100 mile race and sometimes I run just imagining what I'll put on my playlist and what I'll eat. But he's not a boy he's a fully grown man who's been completely honest about his intentions to a fully grown woman. It's just the name of the book and it's actually a really good read - I'm not saying he is a boy. I'm just offering advice. " I’ll look this up today, thanks | |||
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"Thank you all, of course you’re completely correct and the worst thing is - I know this! He’s been blocked from every contact option now. I will concentrate on myself and keep myself busy. I already feel sad about it but he makes me feel sad anyway. I’m done You deserve to be happy not sad! His loss and don't forget your own worth. Xox
Thank you "You are welcome xx | |||
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"Read 'How to Get Over a Boy' by Chidera Eggerue. Even if it doesn't help, reading it will distract you for a while. Reading any books will help take your mind off things. If I want to distract myself from something, I swim. I focus a lot on my breathing and the 'chanting' fills my head so I can't think. (I chant 'reach, reach, breathe') Or I think of something that I'm looking forward to, usually a race, and go for a run imagining getting a massive PB. My favourite daydream is running a 100 mile race and sometimes I run just imagining what I'll put on my playlist and what I'll eat. But he's not a boy he's a fully grown man who's been completely honest about his intentions to a fully grown woman. It's just the name of the book and it's actually a really good read - I'm not saying he is a boy. I'm just offering advice. " Yeah I understand that you're offering advice my intention wasn't to minimise that .
I just think using the word boy implies so much but that's the author and the way I think. Not you | |||
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"Anyone got any tips about getting over someone who you are OBSESSED with. I mean someone who lives in your head 24/7. Any tips gratefully received "Best way to get over him? Get under me! | |||
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"Read 'How to Get Over a Boy' by Chidera Eggerue. Even if it doesn't help, reading it will distract you for a while. Reading any books will help take your mind off things. If I want to distract myself from something, I swim. I focus a lot on my breathing and the 'chanting' fills my head so I can't think. (I chant 'reach, reach, breathe') Or I think of something that I'm looking forward to, usually a race, and go for a run imagining getting a massive PB. My favourite daydream is running a 100 mile race and sometimes I run just imagining what I'll put on my playlist and what I'll eat. But he's not a boy he's a fully grown man who's been completely honest about his intentions to a fully grown woman." I agree entirely. He hasn't broken promises. He doesn't need criticism or rebuke - the O.P. needs to think of herself and have happier days | |||
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"Anyone got any tips about getting over someone who you are OBSESSED with. I mean someone who lives in your head 24/7. Any tips gratefully received "I’m in the same shoes are you OP in being obsessed with someone. I’ll be following your post but not really looking to get over them .
Good luck xxx | |||
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"Read 'How to Get Over a Boy' by Chidera Eggerue. Even if it doesn't help, reading it will distract you for a while. Reading any books will help take your mind off things. If I want to distract myself from something, I swim. I focus a lot on my breathing and the 'chanting' fills my head so I can't think. (I chant 'reach, reach, breathe') Or I think of something that I'm looking forward to, usually a race, and go for a run imagining getting a massive PB. My favourite daydream is running a 100 mile race and sometimes I run just imagining what I'll put on my playlist and what I'll eat. But he's not a boy he's a fully grown man who's been completely honest about his intentions to a fully grown woman. I agree entirely. He hasn't broken promises. He doesn't need criticism or rebuke - the O.P. needs to think of herself and have happier days " Exactly. He’s never lead me on in any way or promised me anything more than he gives. I just need it to end as quickly as possible. | |||
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"Whilst you are fuckung him he's gonna live in your head. If you truly want to get rid of thoughts about him, don't fuck him. It'll take time or thoughts to wane but they will." This ^^^ | |||
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"I’ve tried so hard to distract myself with other things and I’m constantly busy now but he’s still in there. My friends suggested therapy but I’m not sure. I’m hoping time will help but I’m looking for a quicker solution. Maybe I should stop fucking him haha " I would say stop fucking him is a good idea, but it doesn’t stop them living in your head. But not having the sex stops the feel good hormones from messing up your clarity. Decide you want better and go from there. I am in therapy anyway, There’s been no contact for so long and in itself that stings, I miss the friendship the most, I do see other people I care about. They are still in my head and I know I still love them, I’ve come to an acceptance that I always will - what I don’t or didn’t love was not being a priority. I deserve kindness, compassion and respect - as do you. Tell yourself to demand better than just sex, then stick to it. Do I think I’ll ever truly get over it? Probably not. Am I looking for what I deserve? Yes. If you find a better solution please tell me. | |||
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"Anyone got any tips about getting over someone who you are OBSESSED with. I mean someone who lives in your head 24/7. Any tips gratefully received
I’m in the same shoes are you OP in being obsessed with someone.
I’ll be following your post but not really looking to get over them .
Good luck xxx"You too | |||
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"I’ve tried so hard to distract myself with other things and I’m constantly busy now but he’s still in there. My friends suggested therapy but I’m not sure. I’m hoping time will help but I’m looking for a quicker solution. Maybe I should stop fucking him haha I would say stop fucking him is a good idea, but it doesn’t stop them living in your head. But not having the sex stops the feel good hormones from messing up your clarity. Decide you want better and go from there. I am in therapy anyway, There’s been no contact for so long and in itself that stings, I miss the friendship the most, I do see other people I care about. They are still in my head and I know I still love them, I’ve come to an acceptance that I always will - what I don’t or didn’t love was not being a priority. I deserve kindness, compassion and respect - as do you. Tell yourself to demand better than just sex, then stick to it. Do I think I’ll ever truly get over it? Probably not. Am I looking for what I deserve? Yes. If you find a better solution please tell me. " Same, I don’t think I’ll ever get over him but I want him gone as much as possible. | |||
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"Darling girl, I wish I could tell you when you'll feel like you again but I can't. For me, I'd never go back to my ex, it took a while but I finally believed I was better than what I was accepting. Now, I still hurt but not because I still care for him but because I don't trust myself not to fall for someone who will give me less than I deserve. Or that I'll allow myself to be used, manipulated etc. It'll be 2 years in a few months since the beginning of the end of that relationship and I'm still frozen inside and afraid to trust anyone in a sexual capacity. Zero mojo, Zero desire. Putting all you have into the wrong person can leave you empty, so leave something in the tank for yourself and end that shit now. You can at least hold your head high that way, even if that's all you have left." This is exactly how I feel. I’d run a mile from anyone that I remotely liked. I never want to feel like this again, ever. | |||
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"Something new not SOMEONE new!! I got over my obsession with a new hobby (it was eating - so I gained 3 stone haha) ….concentrate on you and think of your self-worth…no one deserves to be strung along for 5 years! And don’t wallow in self pity….create new things to do…something that you and him never did together and you can enjoy to create new memories! Time is a bastard but it’s also a big big healer!! Just don’t jump on his dick at every opportunity haha!! Good Luck!! "Thank you | |||
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"Stop talking to them and learn to appreciate yourself again
I’m definitely trying to do that "It’s not easy and takes time but you will get there  | |||
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"Is obsession specific to him ... Or does has this happened before with others ?" This has never happened ever! I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. | |||
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"The best way is to focus entirely on yourself. Do things you always wanted to do but never had the time or courage to do. Pick up new hobbies, love yourself and remind yourself that you are more than enough. Travel if you can, I know in this climate it isn’t ideal. But I went on a retreat years ago when I needed to take my mind off this dude I had a situation shop with, who kept going back to his ex mrs. It really rebalanced me, and it made me see that there’s more in this world. Also, sometimes we over romanticise people in our head, and we build the man we want him to be. But guess what, he’s probably not the same person we have in our heads. It’s similar but not exactly what we make up in our mind when we obsess and want them so much. Eventually it will get better, don’t despair. But anyway, try to cut off contact if you can as out of sight out of mind. X" I’ve travelled quite a bit recently, and it does help! He’s definitely not all that I’ve built him up to be, no one else can understand it! | |||
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"Stop talking to them and learn to appreciate yourself again
I’m definitely trying to do that
It’s not easy and takes time but you will get there "I hope so, this is hell! | |||
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"The best way is to focus entirely on yourself. Do things you always wanted to do but never had the time or courage to do. Pick up new hobbies, love yourself and remind yourself that you are more than enough. Travel if you can, I know in this climate it isn’t ideal. But I went on a retreat years ago when I needed to take my mind off this dude I had a situation shop with, who kept going back to his ex mrs. It really rebalanced me, and it made me see that there’s more in this world. Also, sometimes we over romanticise people in our head, and we build the man we want him to be. But guess what, he’s probably not the same person we have in our heads. It’s similar but not exactly what we make up in our mind when we obsess and want them so much. Eventually it will get better, don’t despair. But anyway, try to cut off contact if you can as out of sight out of mind. X I’ve travelled quite a bit recently, and it does help! He’s definitely not all that I’ve built him up to be, no one else can understand it! " Travel really is amazing, I know it doesn’t fix all the problems. But it does quickly make you feel good and also see things a bit more differently Because you aren’t in the same places and routine x If you can afford a retreat, so go for it. It really was an amazing experience I’d redo again x | |||
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"You know hes not gonna change, yet you keep on having sex hoping he will. Head rules heart.. it might look like a scary place without him its a far worse place being used until he drops you cos' he's found 'the one' I was always told "be the priority don't ever be the option" Only you can make this happen this change you require." That’s all very true | |||
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"The best way is to focus entirely on yourself. Do things you always wanted to do but never had the time or courage to do. Pick up new hobbies, love yourself and remind yourself that you are more than enough. Travel if you can, I know in this climate it isn’t ideal. But I went on a retreat years ago when I needed to take my mind off this dude I had a situation shop with, who kept going back to his ex mrs. It really rebalanced me, and it made me see that there’s more in this world. Also, sometimes we over romanticise people in our head, and we build the man we want him to be. But guess what, he’s probably not the same person we have in our heads. It’s similar but not exactly what we make up in our mind when we obsess and want them so much. Eventually it will get better, don’t despair. But anyway, try to cut off contact if you can as out of sight out of mind. X I’ve travelled quite a bit recently, and it does help! He’s definitely not all that I’ve built him up to be, no one else can understand it! Travel really is amazing, I know it doesn’t fix all the problems. But it does quickly make you feel good and also see things a bit more differently Because you aren’t in the same places and routine x If you can afford a retreat, so go for it. It really was an amazing experience I’d redo again x " That’s a great idea, I’ll look into it | |||
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"Is obsession specific to him ... Or does has this happened before with others ? This has never happened ever! I’ve never felt this way about anyone before." useful to know.
Okay, I'm going to go a different route to other people. I'm not a fan of keep busy as i think pushes stuff down rather than dealing with. I'm going to go all woowoo and say block an hour out, and sit with it. Be curious about not just the thoughts you are having, but how your body is feeling. Does it change? I suspect obsession can be an expression of grief and unfinished business. | |||
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"Is obsession specific to him ... Or does has this happened before with others ? This has never happened ever! I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. useful to know.
Okay, I'm going to go a different route to other people. I'm not a fan of keep busy as i think pushes stuff down rather than dealing with. I'm going to go all woowoo and say block an hour out, and sit with it. Be curious about not just the thoughts you are having, but how your body is feeling. Does it change? I suspect obsession can be an expression of grief and unfinished business. "I just become very tearful and sad if I sit and think about it. Then jealous when I think of him marrying someone else. Wish I’d never met him. | |||
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"Imagine them on the bog" Haha good one | |||
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"Is obsession specific to him ... Or does has this happened before with others ? This has never happened ever! I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. useful to know.
Okay, I'm going to go a different route to other people. I'm not a fan of keep busy as i think pushes stuff down rather than dealing with. I'm going to go all woowoo and say block an hour out, and sit with it. Be curious about not just the thoughts you are having, but how your body is feeling. Does it change? I suspect obsession can be an expression of grief and unfinished business.
I just become very tearful and sad if I sit and think about it. Then jealous when I think of him marrying someone else.
Wish I’d never met him."allow those feelings as they are valid. It is okay not not feel okay. Sounds like a lot to process ... It's hard work but necessary | |||
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"Is obsession specific to him ... Or does has this happened before with others ? This has never happened ever! I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. useful to know.
Okay, I'm going to go a different route to other people. I'm not a fan of keep busy as i think pushes stuff down rather than dealing with. I'm going to go all woowoo and say block an hour out, and sit with it. Be curious about not just the thoughts you are having, but how your body is feeling. Does it change? I suspect obsession can be an expression of grief and unfinished business.
I just become very tearful and sad if I sit and think about it. Then jealous when I think of him marrying someone else.
Wish I’d never met him."I guess most of us have that person, if you've ever watched Hot Tub Time Machine they're known as the "great white buffalo". I was with a lass when I was 25/26 who I fell deeply in love with, she then broke my heart and it took me years to get over her. I carried on normal life, wasn't like a crazy stalker or anything weird like that, but she was never far from my thoughts and it affected everything I did on some level for a long, long time. We almost got back together again about six or seven years ago after getting back in touch, then she went off with someone else instead and I realised what she is at that moment and have rarely thought of her since. Sometimes it takes that lightbulb moment to break the obsession. | |||
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"Thank you all, of course you’re completely correct and the worst thing is - I know this! He’s been blocked from every contact option now. I will concentrate on myself and keep myself busy. I already feel sad about it but he makes me feel sad anyway. I’m done "That's first step....don't look back...watch out for the times you feel you need contact with him (they will pass) and don't do it. You got this x | |||
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"Thank you all, of course you’re completely correct and the worst thing is - I know this! He’s been blocked from every contact option now. I will concentrate on myself and keep myself busy. I already feel sad about it but he makes me feel sad anyway. I’m done
That's first step....don't look back...watch out for the times you feel you need contact with him (they will pass) and don't do it.
You got this x"Appreciating all of the support, you’re all wonderful. I can do this | |||
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"I will return to this thread whenever I’m having a weak moment. I can’t thank you all enough "That sounds good....we are here for the weak times, which there surely will be. And, that is to be expected. Stay strong and remember why you are doing this x | |||
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"I will return to this thread whenever I’m having a weak moment. I can’t thank you all enough "Stay strong, we’ll all help you out if your ever struggling | |||
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"I will return to this thread whenever I’m having a weak moment. I can’t thank you all enough
That sounds good....we are here for the weak times, which there surely will be. And, that is to be expected. Stay strong and remember why you are doing this x"Thank you xx | |||
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"I will return to this thread whenever I’m having a weak moment. I can’t thank you all enough
Stay strong, we’ll all help you out if your ever struggling "Thank you xx | |||
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"I’m not sure if this is a correct answer but what I’d do is try and fill that with another thought. Focus on something take up a new hobby or something along those lines and channel your energy into that "I agree but I would also delete texts and any songs that might have a special meaning. It’s extremely difficult at the beginning and hurts like hell but we get thru it somehow…x | |||
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"I’m not sure if this is a correct answer but what I’d do is try and fill that with another thought. Focus on something take up a new hobby or something along those lines and channel your energy into that
I agree but I would also delete texts and any songs that might have a special meaning.
It’s extremely difficult at the beginning and hurts like hell but we get thru it somehow…x"I hope so! Thank you | |||
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"I’m not sure if this is a correct answer but what I’d do is try and fill that with another thought. Focus on something take up a new hobby or something along those lines and channel your energy into that
I agree but I would also delete texts and any songs that might have a special meaning.
It’s extremely difficult at the beginning and hurts like hell but we get thru it somehow…x"Yes...delete all texts....don't go back over old ground. If they are there them so is the so can the need to read them be... | |||
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"I’m not sure if this is a correct answer but what I’d do is try and fill that with another thought. Focus on something take up a new hobby or something along those lines and channel your energy into that "This is good advice. Whenever you find yourself thinking of them distract yourself with something you enjoy. | |||
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"I would also get rid of any photos, messages etc and pretend they never existed. " I’ve done that, I’ve deleted everything I can find | |||
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"I’ve tried so hard to distract myself with other things and I’m constantly busy now but he’s still in there. My friends suggested therapy but I’m not sure. I’m hoping time will help but I’m looking for a quicker solution. Maybe I should stop fucking him haha " Lol! That might be a start!
One mental exercise I saw recommended once was to imagine a really big image of that person in bright colour; gradually imagine that image turning black and white and then shrinking until it disappears.
Do it slowly; it may also take many tries.
I think the idea that it conditions you to seeing them as less significant. | |||
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"I’ve tried so hard to distract myself with other things and I’m constantly busy now but he’s still in there. My friends suggested therapy but I’m not sure. I’m hoping time will help but I’m looking for a quicker solution. Maybe I should stop fucking him haha Lol! That might be a start!
One mental exercise I saw recommended once was to imagine a really big image of that person in bright colour; gradually imagine that image turning black and white and then shrinking until it disappears.
Do it slowly; it may also take many tries.
I think the idea that it conditions you to seeing them as less significant."I’ll definitely try that | |||
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"I’ve tried so hard to distract myself with other things and I’m constantly busy now but he’s still in there. My friends suggested therapy but I’m not sure. I’m hoping time will help but I’m looking for a quicker solution. Maybe I should stop fucking him haha Lol! That might be a start!
One mental exercise I saw recommended once was to imagine a really big image of that person in bright colour; gradually imagine that image turning black and white and then shrinking until it disappears.
Do it slowly; it may also take many tries.
I think the idea that it conditions you to seeing them as less significant.
I’ll definitely try that "Yes I did something similar with my fear of flying. Doesn't bother me at all now. Usually a clean break, going through the grief process and finding something new is the only way. Still seeing them just drags things out and wastes time. | |||
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"Give it a few days." A few days? I wish! This has been going on for 5 looong years! | |||
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"Give it a few days. A few days? I wish! This has been going on for 5 looong years! " oh wow. I would agree with whoever said try a professional. | |||
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"When do you fuck him ? How long have you known him ? Are you a couple ? Is he married ? Is he not committed to you ? Do you want to see him more regularly ? WHY do you have to forget him at all ? I fuck him once a week, sometimes once a month. We are both single. He wants to marry someone who doesn’t have kids (I do) and I want to marry him. It will never happen and he’s using me for sex until someone suitable comes along," Are you not also using him by still fucking him to suit your means. I not saying that to criticise. He must have as are you in turmoil maybe it took him so long to realise what he really wants and he told you that its sign of honesty. It will end causing you further heartache because neither of you will change. You need to think of yourself as a person as said longer you fuck him more it will fuck you up mentally. | |||
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"Give it a few days. A few days? I wish! This has been going on for 5 looong years! " Don't worry... I've got fond memories of a lovely lady on here  | |||
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"You will never get over someone you love" I’m worried that this is true! | |||
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"Stop being a doormat. He will probably know how you feel and use that to use you. Nothings changed in 5 years and it will never change. Why should he stop fucking you to get his end away while he waits fir the one he wants, especially when it's served up to him on a plate! " True. I am being used and allowing it to happen! | |||
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"You will never get over someone you love I’m worried that this is true!" You might always love him but you will be able to move forward with your life. If not how would anyone be able to live a good life. Why do you love him? What is it about your relationship that brings you the deep peace and contentment of being loved and loving in return? | |||
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"You will never get over someone you love I’m worried that this is true! You might always love him but you will be able to move forward with your life. If not how would anyone be able to live a good life. Why do you love him? What is it about your relationship that brings you the deep peace and contentment of being loved and loving in return? " I have no idea why I love him. He makes me feel anxious and not good enough. He makes me feel needy, unloved and generally not nice about myself | |||
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"You will never get over someone you love I’m worried that this is true! You might always love him but you will be able to move forward with your life. If not how would anyone be able to live a good life. Why do you love him? What is it about your relationship that brings you the deep peace and contentment of being loved and loving in return? I have no idea why I love him. He makes me feel anxious and not good enough. He makes me feel needy, unloved and generally not nice about myself "can you articulate how he has the power to make you feel that way about yourself? | |||
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"You will never get over someone you love I’m worried that this is true! You might always love him but you will be able to move forward with your life. If not how would anyone be able to live a good life. Why do you love him? What is it about your relationship that brings you the deep peace and contentment of being loved and loving in return? I have no idea why I love him. He makes me feel anxious and not good enough. He makes me feel needy, unloved and generally not nice about myself
can you articulate how he has the power to make you feel that way about yourself?"I think it’s because he’s not overly affectionate towards me, he doesn’t want to be with me and is looking for someone who IS good enough which in turn makes me feel NOT good enough. I don’t know, it’s the rejection aspect I think. It’s all horrible and makes me feel bad about myself. | |||
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"Anyone got any tips about getting over someone who you are OBSESSED with. I mean someone who lives in your head 24/7. Any tips gratefully received "I have had to do this in the last few months and its very hard. I cut all contact it was the only way I could do it. Met him an hour ago in the local village he will be in my head again for the night but hope morning is better. hope you are ok it's not easy x take it day by day. x | |||
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"Anyone got any tips about getting over someone who you are OBSESSED with. I mean someone who lives in your head 24/7. Any tips gratefully received
I have had to do this in the last few months and its very hard. I cut all contact it was the only way I could do it. Met him an hour ago in the local village he will be in my head again for the night but hope morning is better. hope you are ok it's not easy x take it day by day. x "Thank you, you too xx | |||
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"My ex split up with me well over 16months ago and I still struggle each and every day. I still think about her, dream about her and it doesn't get any easier. I cant offer any advice , sorry xx"Sorry to hear that, it’s the shittest feeling in the world | |||
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