 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
So one of my parents is xenophobic, racist, homophobic, transphobic, etc etc.
When they say awful things it really hurts.
I am pansexual and in the closet.
I've tried telling them that these lovely people aren't harming them and to live and let live but they are so stuck in their ways. Almost 70 years old.
Does anyone have any advice on what I can reply with? Simple things please, my vocabulary isn't great when trying to explain things.
What I really want to do is just come out when they are on their soap box, but I can't for reasons I don't wish to explain on here.
Please no private messages.
I'm not on here all day so bear with me on replies. Thank you so much.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Unfortunately there is nothing that can be done. Usually because they've been brought up with those views for decades.
I have members in my family which I don't agree with when it comes to sexualities, race and ethnicities, so I stay away from those subjects. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Unfortunately there is nothing that can be done. Usually because they've been brought up with those views for decades.
I have members in my family which I don't agree with when it comes to sexualities, race and ethnicities, so I stay away from those subjects."
I tend to think it's too late for them to change now.
I think I'll never be able to be myself around them. Especially when they think people different from them should be shot.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"They've just come out with "shoot the fucking lot of them"  "
I remember when I was 19 and my folks came out with crap like you can't stroll in at 3 in the morning, I had my own place by 20 so I did not have to listen to it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Unfortunately theres little you really can do. In most ppls experiences, dealing with family of that age is near impossible. Theyve spent their whole lives holding such animosity against those who are different to them, and after so long it becomes a futile battle, especially with someone so passionate in their hatred towards others. Asking for acceptance is just simoly too much for them.
Honestly, try not risk coming out to them, you dont want to throw something out there that could severe the connection you do have with each other, even if what you do have still hurts when they say and do such things that hurt you.
I know that someone like yourself just wants them to accept and love you for who you are, but sadly we cant always have the things we want most in life.
Its not the end if the world though, while one of your family members may never accept you for who are, theres a much bigger family out there who do love you. They say you cant choose family, but theyre wrong, we all can choose who our family are. Family is not exclusive to those who are blood related. We, the members of Fab are part of that big family, and we love you very much...  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Unfortunately theres little you really can do. In most ppls experiences, dealing with family of that age is near impossible. Theyve spent their whole lives holding such animosity against those who are different to them, and after so long it becomes a futile battle, especially with someone so passionate in their hatred towards others. Asking for acceptance is just simoly too much for them.
Honestly, try not risk coming out to them, you dont want to throw something out there that could severe the connection you do have with each other, even if what you do have still hurts when they say and do such things that hurt you.
I know that someone like yourself just wants them to accept and love you for who you are, but sadly we cant always have the things we want most in life.
Its not the end if the world though, while one of your family members may never accept you for who are, theres a much bigger family out there who do love you. They say you cant choose family, but theyre wrong, we all can choose who our family are. Family is not exclusive to those who are blood related. We, the members of Fab are part of that big family, and we love you very much... "
Beautiful |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"They've just come out with "shoot the fucking lot of them"
I remember when I was 19 and my folks came out with crap like you can't stroll in at 3 in the morning, I had my own place by 20 so I did not have to listen to it. "
Snap. Moved out at 18. But I have them visiting at the moment and I was watching a program on c4. I've had to come to bed because I was going to snap. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My parents are the same. And there's nothing you can do.
If I could give you any advice it would be to be true to yourself and let what they say go in one ear and out the other. But it's easier said than done I know.
Sending you virtual hugs. It's tough but you can't change people sometimes. I spent most of my life trying to change their views but I've realised now it was never worth it.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Unfortunately theres little you really can do. In most ppls experiences, dealing with family of that age is near impossible. Theyve spent their whole lives holding such animosity against those who are different to them, and after so long it becomes a futile battle, especially with someone so passionate in their hatred towards others. Asking for acceptance is just simoly too much for them.
Honestly, try not risk coming out to them, you dont want to throw something out there that could severe the connection you do have with each other, even if what you do have still hurts when they say and do such things that hurt you.
I know that someone like yourself just wants them to accept and love you for who you are, but sadly we cant always have the things we want most in life.
Its not the end if the world though, while one of your family members may never accept you for who are, theres a much bigger family out there who do love you. They say you cant choose family, but theyre wrong, we all can choose who our family are. Family is not exclusive to those who are blood related. We, the members of Fab are part of that big family, and we love you very much... "
It gets harder and harder to stop myself from shouting at them that I'm not straight. They just can't understand anyone different from themselves.
Thank you so much for your reply, so very eloquently put. Made my heart swell. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
They sound delightful 
Really feel for you ... can’t be easy x
They are to be pitied more than anything. Can you imagine being so fearful of anything different to you, that your first instinct is to hate it ... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ob08Man
over a year ago
Macclesfield |
Maybe try not to be so offended by it?
They're not going to change, and they're just saying words, it's not like they're physically beating you, maybe be a bit more thick skinned, it will help |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My parents are the same. And there's nothing you can do.
If I could give you any advice it would be to be true to yourself and let what they say go in one ear and out the other. But it's easier said than done I know.
Sending you virtual hugs. It's tough but you can't change people sometimes. I spent most of my life trying to change their views but I've realised now it was never worth it.
"
The more they spew out hatred the harder it gets to let it slide. It hurts to hear it. Yeah I think it's too late for them to accept the change. Hugs back. Xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"They sound delightful
Really feel for you ... can’t be easy x
They are to be pitied more than anything. Can you imagine being so fearful of anything different to you, that your first instinct is to hate it ..."
It's bad isn't it. Nobody is doing him harm so I can't understand why he hates all the people. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It gets harder and harder to stop myself from shouting at them that I'm not straight. They just can't understand anyone different from themselves.
Thank you so much for your reply, so very eloquently put. Made my heart swell. "
No need to thank me, i understand how it can be at times. While i dont have to suffer with the same kind of hatred you experience, i have to deal with an equal level of ignorance from my grandfather regarding my mental health. He just doesnt understand it. And due to my mental health preventing me from having lived a life i wouldve liked to have in my youngers, it also meant i became a disappointment in his eyes as i didnt live up to his expectations either.
If we cant get the love and acceptance we deserve from our immediate family, unfortunately, we have to look elsewhere for it, but in the end, there is always somewhere for us to be, even if it takes us a little time getting there |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
No need to thank me, i understand how it can be at times. While i dont have to suffer with the same kind of hatred you experience, i have to deal with an equal level of ignorance from my grandfather regarding my mental health. He just doesnt understand it. And due to my mental health preventing me from having lived a life i wouldve liked to have in my youngers, it also meant i became a disappointment in his eyes as i didnt live up to his expectations either.
If we cant get the love and acceptance we deserve from our immediate family, unfortunately, we have to look elsewhere for it, but in the end, there is always somewhere for us to be, even if it takes us a little time getting there"
Sorry to hear this. Some things are just too hard to grasp for some people eh.
Fab is a place I can truly be myself. And I hope you have a person /place you can be too.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I'm so sorry.
I will say - it's not necessarily an age thing. Not that it makes it any easier. Some people that age and much older are incredibly accepting.
I don't know how much you can say, if it's possible to do it without causing an argument or worse. I'm afraid I just let my relatives run their mouths, including directly insulting me. (Although other bones of contention probably mean I'm unlikely to see them again) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sorry to hear this. Some things are just too hard to grasp for some people eh.
Fab is a place I can truly be myself. And I hope you have a person /place you can be too. "
Unfortunately yes, but thats just how life goes for many for us
But not to worry, while i dont have a person in my immediate life who can accept me, the life ive lived and the things ive been through, Fab is my place where i can feel comfortable and accepted too |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm so sorry.
I will say - it's not necessarily an age thing. Not that it makes it any easier. Some people that age and much older are incredibly accepting.
I don't know how much you can say, if it's possible to do it without causing an argument or worse. I'm afraid I just let my relatives run their mouths, including directly insulting me. (Although other bones of contention probably mean I'm unlikely to see them again)"
I try to stick up for all the people, but I'm no good at debating /arguing my point. Like someone said I need a thicker skin. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Sorry to hear this. Some things are just too hard to grasp for some people eh.
Fab is a place I can truly be myself. And I hope you have a person /place you can be too.
Unfortunately yes, but thats just how life goes for many for us
But not to worry, while i dont have a person in my immediate life who can accept me, the life ive lived and the things ive been through, Fab is my place where i can feel comfortable and accepted too"
Well I'm glad you've got this place, it is very accepting here I've found also. X  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
