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Pick Up Lines/ Why I don't approach women in the UK

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Now there are several layers to unpack in this post. It starts off last weekend, Saturday night, I'm in a pub with some mates and a plethora of beautiful young women come in. I mean like a few dozen, they were all in a group (not a bridal party but I'm keeping this a bit vague) a few of them start to flirt with me, ask me for my number, take pics with me etc.

They were teasing me saying I looked like a very good looking Caucasian celebrity and I was just laughing it off. I was later chatting with two of them and I said if they really wanted me to take them seriously you could flatter me by saying I looked like Idris if I cut off the dreads lol. So I was teasing them saying that their's was the worst pick up line ever.

So both of them turn around and ask me "So what's your go-to pick up line" and I was stumped, and they saw it on my face. I tried my best not to sound too cocky by saying "Hmm, hmm, I don't actually use pick up lines" they started to watch me was like "Oh, you're one of those types of guys" and I was like ok, I mean you guys approached me, a few of your friends already asked for my contact details etc. I'm not trying to be cocky or anything I just don't really approach women in public.

She gave me her number and we spoke more about it on Sunday and I told her the honest truth why i don't approach women in the Uk.

Within my first 2 months of being in the Uk, I went out on a Uni night to a club (now I didn't know much about these things tbh) anyway, I thought most of then women looked young and despite they being over 18 I was like, I'm just going to vibe to the music. I didn't talk to anyone, didn't approach anyone, I don't think I ever stared down anyone to be honest.

I leave the club, about 2 weeks later my flatmate from Uni accommodation and I visited the club, to cut a long story short they were like some girls complained about me the last time I was there. The bouncer though (bless him) came to my defence and said he was observing me and he reported then to the manager that the guy (me) was not talking to anyone, doing anything, he was just listening to the music and sipping a drink, he wasn't d*unk or anything of the sort.

Basically (and this was before I even started the gym across here, because I had injured my tail bone a week before my flight) they thought I looked threatening because of my height, size, dreadlocs.

That was about 2 years ago, I actually went back to the place earlier this year as they had converted the upstairs part to a beer garden and I was on a date with a girl and the bouncer remembered me, told us he's not charging a cover for us, we can go in free. I then explained the whole thing to my date and then the bouncer came across and met with us and told us how the way I was treated was very unfair and that as long as he's working there I don't ever have to pay to go in.

So ever since that particular incident within the first couple of months of being in the UK I don't ever approach women across here. It doesn't really affect me tbh because most times when I go out women do approach me, but my mates especially my white ones don't understand my reasoning etc. I've posted abut this before on the social media because I get tired of people asking me that. Some think I'm shy, but when you experience those types of things that remind you that you're a black guy living in a country when you're a minority, it does change who you are, and in effect does scar you a bit.

Oh and I did ask the bouncer specifically what was their complaint and he said that they said they felt threatened by you.

So yea, that's why I don't have a go-to pick up line (I didn't use pick up lines back in Trinidad either tbh) and why I don't approach women.

(I know it's a lot, please be respectful with the comments)

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Also why I posted this wasn't for pity or anything like that but rather to show that very little actions or things people do are influenced by very hurtful experiences they have endured.

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I can see why you'd be wary under those circumstances.

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By *etcplCouple  over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I don’t approach them because I’m fat, bald, and ugly... and besides not wanting to deal with the rejection from a beautiful woman, the things I enjoy would likely get me arrested if I started talking to them about it!

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I don’t approach them because I’m fat, bald, and ugly... and besides not wanting to deal with the rejection from a beautiful woman, the things I enjoy would likely get me arrested if I started talking to them about it!"

Lol about the last sentence. It actually reminds me of a time I was talking to this girl in a pub and I can't remember how the conversation got to sex but I told her I was into bdsm and what not and I showed her some pics on my phone of the toys I owned and putting it into action and the next thing she was whispering into my ears "I'm wet, can I come to yours"

So don't be afraid to talk about things like that you never know who might be interested, just bring it up in a clever or discreet manner

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I can see why you'd be wary under those circumstances."

Thanks for understanding and yea, I little have a list of rules when I go out another one is that I don't ever go home with with girl who's d*unk. Even if I reach by her place and I realise she's d*unk, I'm not going to sleep with her. You just have to be extra careful as a black guy.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

To cut a long story short ...

you found out that some girls (who I assume you didn't approach) complained to the club you were in that you were intimidating (because we assume you are a big black guy with dreads)

So now you are wary of approaching (is this because you don't want to intimidate or be accused of being scary?)

And even if you did, you'd not use a line coz you've never used a line.

(The situation is shit for sure. It just took a lot of reading to find out what the story was about!!)

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By *batMan  over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)


"To cut a long story short ...

It just took a lot of reading to find out what the story was about!!"

Succinct précis, but by itself it lacks so much context. You'd need to read the OP to really get a sense of it.

Thanks though,

Gbat

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"To cut a long story short ...

you found out that some girls (who I assume you didn't approach) complained to the club you were in that you were intimidating (because we assume you are a big black guy with dreads)

So now you are wary of approaching (is this because you don't want to intimidate or be accused of being scary?)

And even if you did, you'd not use a line coz you've never used a line.

(The situation is shit for sure. It just took a lot of reading to find out what the story was about!!)"

Fair enough I do write novels and stories so I need to shorten these a bit I'll admit

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

That sucks and I'm sorry it happened to you, but would you really let it affect your enjoyment of nights out for the rest of your life?

My nights out are mostly great, and I often get approached by men, but I've also had occasions where I've had racist and/or fat-shaming things shouted at me unprovoked. I've had times where I've been groped and even forcibly kissed. There's definitely been some shit moments, but I'm not gonna hide away or behave differently, because at the end of the day I'm there to have fun like everyone else

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"That sucks and I'm sorry it happened to you, but would you really let it affect your enjoyment of nights out for the rest of your life?

My nights out are mostly great, and I often get approached by men, but I've also had occasions where I've had racist and/or fat-shaming things shouted at me unprovoked. I've had times where I've been groped and even forcibly kissed. There's definitely been some shit moments, but I'm not gonna hide away or behave differently, because at the end of the day I'm there to have fun like everyone else "

Thanks and like I said I still enjoy a lot of nights out, like honestly it doesn't stop me from being social and having fun, I just was never really big on introducing myself to women in public and that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Btw I'm sorry to head that youve gone through all that crap and kudos to you for still going out and having fun.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"That sucks and I'm sorry it happened to you, but would you really let it affect your enjoyment of nights out for the rest of your life?

My nights out are mostly great, and I often get approached by men, but I've also had occasions where I've had racist and/or fat-shaming things shouted at me unprovoked. I've had times where I've been groped and even forcibly kissed. There's definitely been some shit moments, but I'm not gonna hide away or behave differently, because at the end of the day I'm there to have fun like everyone else

Thanks and like I said I still enjoy a lot of nights out, like honestly it doesn't stop me from being social and having fun, I just was never really big on introducing myself to women in public and that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Btw I'm sorry to head that youve gone through all that crap and kudos to you for still going out and having fun. "

Eh, it is what it is. There's always been shit people about and there always will be. As they say, nolite te bastardes carborundorum

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"That sucks and I'm sorry it happened to you, but would you really let it affect your enjoyment of nights out for the rest of your life?

My nights out are mostly great, and I often get approached by men, but I've also had occasions where I've had racist and/or fat-shaming things shouted at me unprovoked. I've had times where I've been groped and even forcibly kissed. There's definitely been some shit moments, but I'm not gonna hide away or behave differently, because at the end of the day I'm there to have fun like everyone else

Thanks and like I said I still enjoy a lot of nights out, like honestly it doesn't stop me from being social and having fun, I just was never really big on introducing myself to women in public and that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Btw I'm sorry to head that youve gone through all that crap and kudos to you for still going out and having fun.

Eh, it is what it is. There's always been shit people about and there always will be. As they say, nolite te bastardes carborundorum "

Yup

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