FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How confident are you?
How confident are you?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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On a scale of 1 to 10. How confident are you at leading when it comes to chasing your prey on fab?
Even for a social or a more adventurous sexy meet, do you lead with the question or do you wait to be asked?
Is it easy for you or do you find it awkward to ask?
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I'd say I'm a 6 or 7 but I don't chase or hunt and have no interest in being chased or hunted either.
I prefer to just pull up alongside others who are on the same path and strike up a conversation.
Often that path diverges and we go our separate ways but so be it and I keep moving forward. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If im happy and my anxiety isnt playing up, im around 8-9, if im in a really good mood and can feed off the confidence of others im with i can easily hit a 10
You may not think that about me from seeing me in the forums or my profile, you have to meet me in person to really get a sense of me and my personality |
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I’m quite confident in arranging dates…I’m not pushy but I like to show I am keen to move things forward if that’s what we all want.
I’d build on the vibe though so if it didn’t feel like we were at the stage, I wouldn’t ask.
K |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If im happy and my anxiety isnt playing up, im around 8-9, if im in a really good mood and can feed off the confidence of others im with i can easily hit a 10
You may not think that about me from seeing me in the forums or my profile, you have to meet me in person to really get a sense of me and my personality"
Confidence  that’s key, when someone makes me feel confident I find it very easy to say that we should do this again or meet for coffee etc.
(I’ve been known to blurt out much more sugestive things we should do when I’m a ten ) 
I’m normally a 5 =should I, shouldn’t I type of thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Over the years Fab (and work, and life generally) has boosted my confidence - I wish I had the confidence back at my peak in my late teens / twenties I have now to talk to people. Back then I was very socially awkward and shy.
I still hate having to socialise in big groups etc so the big Forum socials like the MLS would be right outside my comfort zone but 1 to 1 I think I’m up around a 7. I still get that terrified feeling BEFORE a meet (don’t we all) but actually ARRANGING it on the first place is ok! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I’d build on the vibe though so if it didn’t feel like we were at the stage, I wouldn’t ask.
K"
that’s the key I think. That’s why I always think it’s easy to ask for socials After all, what’s the worst that can happen.
*that’s another thread isn’t it ? |
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Id say only about maybe a 2, and thats only if ive had a drink, lol
I am super shy and unconfident, but then i also like a man who takes charge so a guy sending that 1st message or being the 1st to suggest a meet, shows hes got what im looking for. X |
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I’d only ever suggest socials after chatting a while and because of the way I am I’m mega clear that that’s all it is.. I’m more than happy to do this as it’s totally off the personality in conversation, so I generally get a good feel for whether or not they’re my kinda human… I’m not very sociable and I find it difficult to click with people so when I do I say it.
Christ that was a ramble….  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am pretty confident unless they suddenly jump at me out of the blue asking out then I can have a bit of a wobble..especially if they are quite attractive  i might be found pestering friends for advice: shall I say YES?! When it's on my terms and building up to it with meaningful chats.. I am fine asking first, and had some pleasurable meets out of regular conversation. Some turned into friendships some bit more. I don't like the term chasing prey. It should never feel like chasing. It's draining and if they cannot commit to a meet, but that's what you want, it's frustrating and unfair. You should invest your time and give your best to someone who has similar expectations and hopes. |
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It’s a work in progress for me! I definitely feed off the vibe of the other person, if they’re easy to chat to, send good messages back that you can work with etc then I’m ok, but if they’re one word answer types and don’t show me much personality then I’m lost Miss pc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If im happy and my anxiety isnt playing up, im around 8-9, if im in a really good mood and can feed off the confidence of others im with i can easily hit a 10
You may not think that about me from seeing me in the forums or my profile, you have to meet me in person to really get a sense of me and my personality
Confidence that’s key, when someone makes me feel confident I find it very easy to say that we should do this again or meet for coffee etc.
(I’ve been known to blurt out much more sugestive things we should do when I’m a ten )
I’m normally a 5 =should I, shouldn’t I type of thing. "
Exactly, sometimes ppl can think im not very confident in certain situations, but thats not the case as in some situations its better to hold back and observe, get a feeling of the environment before throwing myself in there without thinking
Confidence isnt being loud and friendly all the time, confidence just means you act without hesitation. Similarly patience and calculation shouldnt be mistaken for hesitation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends on the day and mood.
I'm often a -50 and consider myself to be the troll under the bridge. Then there are occasions when I'm an 8 - 9 but not to the point where I'm cocky. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you don't ask you'd maybe never know. I'm more than happy and comfortable enough to ask. I would only do that after I've built up a rapport with someone so usually the question is when rather than would they like to meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ruth is definitely more confident than me . When together, I feed off her and that would make us (as a couple) around the 8 mark.
On my own I may be around the 3 mark. |
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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago
Dublin |
Personally I'd met someone instantly and would have no issue asking them but I feel asking too soon is more likely to put them off.
So I'm confident asking them, no necessarily confident they will say yes. |
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I rarely message people but that’s not really a confidence thing, it’s more a can’t be arsed thing. I usually chat for a while before meeting but yeah I’ll say so when are we meeting then if they haven’t said it x |
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By *jc65Man
over a year ago
gillingham |
"On a scale of 1 to 10. How confident are you at leading when it comes to chasing your prey on fab?
Even for a social or a more adventurous sexy meet, do you lead with the question or do you wait to be asked?
Is it easy for you or do you find it awkward to ask?
"
-10 I’ve not had a sniff of any fun on here |
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I'll always happily ask to do a social, because if I think we're after the same thing, I don't want to waste any time. And then if we get on, I'd do the same with a meet. It really depends on the dynamic. I might let them ask me sometimes, because it's good to feel wanted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm so glad I'm not the only one with no or little confidence,I have found it easier in a social atmosphere like clubs,put my happy mask on and it's all good,it's when I'm alone I overthink,and beat myself up |
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I would say it depends on how we chat in the first place in this alternative universe and then if a social does happen we should have a good base
In terms of confidence I would say about A moderate seven. But anything can happen |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd say I'm about a 7-8 I'm not shy nor am I arrogant I have no problem approaching talking and flirting with people yet if I know I'm not getting anywhere I know when to just walk away |
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I will happily send messages and once we've chatted I'll happily ask for a social. I'm happy turning up solo to a group social and if there's someone there I like the looks of I'm happy to introduce myself to them and initiate a chat.
I'm great company, a social with me is no hardship for anyone!
For all of that I'd say my confidence is a 10.
Where I struggle is turning a social into more. I don't have the gumption and don't have the sexual confidence. I don't see myself as being at all sexy and don't see that anyone else would find me so.
If the other person waits for me to move things on we'll still be meeting for coffee without going further when we're 90.
Confidence at that point: 0. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not confident in the slightest. I could be chatting with someone but actually meeting neve comes up from my side as I would be afraid if ruining a good thing if they're not interested  |
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I'm not inclined to chase or have any expectation to be chased. I look upon it as a mutual opportunity; the other person is never perceived by me as being "prey".
My confidence wavers between 6 and 8, depending on the profile and what I can initially glean from it and from the person directly.
On a few occasions I've been told by women that I'm "...not assertive enough" and that I give up too quickly. I like to persevere but then there's a fine line between that and being too pushy and overtly persistent.
Everything is preordained and there are ever only two outcomes for me. With that said I'm confident enough to suggest a meet or a social when things 'feel' right.
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"I'm happy to make first moves if thats what you mean?
Like everyone, find rejection a bit tough, but I will go for it regardless.
If you don't ask, you'll never know.  "
Exactly the same but if I'm rejected then I'm not their cup of tea,
I'm not going worry about it,
Life goes on,
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I suppose I try to strike up conversation with people or couples I find attractive but receive little return unfortunately. I don't let it get to me and carry my confidence the next time someone catches my eye. I'd say 8/10 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm very confident (bordering on cocky lol) I would say 9.5 at least, however I don't ever chase women, I msg and if they don't reply on to the next one, I also get a lot of msgs on my inbox so I get to filter out who I want and don't want xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It fluctuates, over the past few months it’s been a 0, my confidence has been low and I’ve lost interest.
But it won’t stay like that forever. "
I hope it doesn’t for a lot of people who fluctuate, on this thread it’s become obvious lots are like this.
In regards to this website, I think just a few nice words sent your way can make a real difference, a fab on a picture, a message out of the blue, that type of thing.
Positive breeds positive. |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
Probably about an 8, never been shy, pretty straight talking and if I want something I go for it
I don’t chase people, people aren’t prey but if I fancy someone and we’re getting on then sure I’ll ask to meet, worst that happens is they say no, it’s not the end of the world x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"……people aren’t prey but if I fancy someone and we’re getting on then sure I’ll ask to meet, worst that happens is they say no, it’s not the end of the world x"
someone else said similar. I’m just too wise to not appreciate how much time I have wasted in the past for someone else to make something happen. |
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"I'm not inclined to chase or have any expectation to be chased. I look upon it as a mutual opportunity; the other person is never perceived by me as being "prey".
"
Do you mean "preyed upon"
I hunt in here for what I want using specific techniques, but my "prey" is someone who is highly sought after to me that I wish to pursue
After all why settle for mediocre when special is out there to grab with both hands  |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
In my fab days of glory a definite 10. I knew who I liked and had no problem or reservations with engaging with anyone. Good things rarely happen to men on fab who sit on their hands hoping for someone to come along  |
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Im pretty confident when I approach someone dont have a fear of rejection as I figure cant be everyones "cup of tea" but if you don't ask ypu'll never know although I do get messaged more then I message to be honest |
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"I'm not inclined to chase or have any expectation to be chased. I look upon it as a mutual opportunity; the other person is never perceived by me as being "prey".
Do you mean "preyed upon"
I hunt in here for what I want using specific techniques, but my "prey" is someone who is highly sought after to me that I wish to pursue
After all why settle for mediocre when special is out there to grab with both hands "
.
"Preyed upon" would be the outcome because it's past tense. But I get your point. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When it comes to the opposite sex...I'm a solid 2 
Shouldn't assume, but I am surprised by that. "
I’ve noticed this by reading a lot of the replies. I’m surprised by lots that say they lack confidence in here. don’t assume. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On here a 10. You just ask. If no it's a no. In person is different. I'm confident in myself but bit different when in a social setting and someone catches your eye.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am confident as my job dictates I need to be somewhat of an extrovert. However there are times when I have the black cloak of self doubt to deal with.
If you are ever in need of reassurance as to the self doubt that underpins the most confident and assertive of people Dwight Eisenhower’s biography will set your mind at rest. It called being human? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When it comes to the opposite sex...I'm a solid 2
Shouldn't assume, but I am surprised by that.
I’ve noticed this by reading a lot of the replies. I’m surprised by lots that say they lack confidence in here. don’t assume. "
I've been surprised a few times but both ways - those I might not have thought would be confident and vice versa. And that there is a difference in confidence levels in approaching people but then moving it forwards. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When it comes to the opposite sex...I'm a solid 2
Shouldn't assume, but I am surprised by that.
I might actually explain this in a future thread"
Please do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On here a 10. I’d have absolutely no issue with approaching (messaging) a stranger that I liked the look of.
In real life there’s other factors involved before I’d state my interest. First I’d have to know if they were single and available then it’s game on! |
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you need some ‘elf confidence.
*your current name. You’re welcome 
