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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The scenario- a couple swing together meeting singles and couples. They also swing alone with other people but they always let their other half know who they are meeting.
If one half of that couple then goes looking for secret meets and tell the person they are meeting that it must be kept secret as their other half doesn't know....
Is that cheating? |
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I would say yes it is cheating but also I don't see how that scenario would happen! If they meet alone and tell their partner who and where they are meeting then why would they choose not to? Surely there's no motivation or need to keep it a secret? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why would they if it's all above board?"
Because they do. I don't understand it either. For the thrill?
It seems kind of worse to me than one half of a 'vanilla' couple doing it, when it's one half of a swinging couple going behind their partner's back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would say yes as he / she is keeping it secret....the question is though, why would they need to if they can play alone?"
For the added buzz of doing something they shouldnt.
Its like 'why do rich people shoplift' they can obviously afford it but choose to steal for the apparent thrill. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The scenario- a couple swing together meeting singles and couples. They also swing alone with other people but they always let their other half know who they are meeting.
If one half of that couple then goes looking for secret meets and tell the person they are meeting that it must be kept secret as their other half doesn't know....
Is that cheating?"
If the person does really not tell the partner, yes, I think it is cheating. If they just tell the other party this as a thrill for them, kinda playing out a fantasy, then no. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors and each couple's rules of play xx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why would they if it's all above board?
Because they do. I don't understand it either. For the thrill?
It seems kind of worse to me than one half of a 'vanilla' couple doing it, when it's one half of a swinging couple going behind their partner's back. "
Some people just never get enough, like you said the supposed thrill might be the attraction but seems foolish to me.. *sigh*  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It depends, if they are on different time lines i.e. one in the 1930's and one in the 2050's and you drill them both it doesn't count."
What??????
Funky, your brain is on a different planet to mine, methinks... |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"i wonder how many relationships would last on here if you took swinging out of their lives period"
I often ask myself that, usually after i read forum posts that have a lot of desperation in the tone.
but hey, good luck to all |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"i wonder how many relationships would last on here if you took swinging out of their lives period"
I am guessing quite a few, as most couples think swinging is just an axtra bit of fun rather than a requirement for the relationship working.
There is obviously some about who no matter how much they get they want more....and those type of people would probably split up anyway, regardless of swinging  |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I would say yes as he / she is keeping it secret....the question is though, why would they need to if they can play alone?
For the added buzz of doing something they shouldnt.
Its like 'why do rich people shoplift' they can obviously afford it but choose to steal for the apparent thrill."
Yeah you are probably right....which makes it sad really  |
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"It depends, if they are on different time lines i.e. one in the 1930's and one in the 2050's and you drill them both it doesn't count.
What??????
Funky, your brain is on a different planet to mine, methinks..."
It was a time traveling joke, only other time travelers would really appreciate it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"any deception in meets is cheating if u have a partner who doesnt know uve fucked somebody while ur seeing them...amazingly clear to me"
Depends on the 'rules' of that relationship though. Me and my bloke play alone and we don't tell each other who else we have met. He often meets people that I don't know about, as do I, that he doesn't know about. We both know this, it's not a secret!
If he meets someone and doesn't want me anymore that's fine. I wouldn't want him to stay with me if he didn't want to. He could meet someone at work, at the supermarket, anywhere. Not necessarily on a meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is what it is,a scenario which some will label others won't. Without information about the couple, discussions they have had, boundaries, rules and expectations it wouldn't be for us to make a judgement. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
I would see the original scenario as cheating
There is the freedom to play with others but still theres subterfuge and secrets,why is that needed as all it does is lead to mistrust |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"any deception in meets is cheating if u have a partner who doesnt know uve fucked somebody while ur seeing them...amazingly clear to me
Depends on the 'rules' of that relationship though. Me and my bloke play alone and we don't tell each other who else we have met. He often meets people that I don't know about, as do I, that he doesn't know about. We both know this, it's not a secret!
If he meets someone and doesn't want me anymore that's fine. I wouldn't want him to stay with me if he didn't want to. He could meet someone at work, at the supermarket, anywhere. Not necessarily on a meet. "
I think thats called an open relationship, but no cpls/fb's should have to keep secrets...its the secretive part that stumps me...if ur that trusting of eachother.
Fair enough Op u say I'm going out for a fuck, and its none of ur business to ur OH, but what heppens when he/u is saying sorry I'm actually stuck in traffic, or there was no reception on the mobile from the local butchers.
I suppose I'm just not for much secretiveness..and I know I'll never cause anyone any hurt as I'm transparent consistently. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally this is may opinion:
A) playing as a couple n sharing youselves with others is swinging
B) playing separately alone with your partners knowledge is swinging
C) playing alone without the honesty of an open relationship is cheating plain n simple!
Me n my partner would play in both A n B scenarios, but only with each others full consent, if one isn't happy n says no, we respect n trust one another to know that it means NO! and meets don't go ahead. Yes u can argue that how do I know he's isn't playing away (and vice versa) n in all honesty I don't know, but until proven otherwise I trust that he doesn't, and respects both me an our relationship to abide by the ground rules we have agreed upon |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"any deception in meets is cheating if u have a partner who doesnt know uve fucked somebody while ur seeing them...amazingly clear to me
Depends on the 'rules' of that relationship though. Me and my bloke play alone and we don't tell each other who else we have met. He often meets people that I don't know about, as do I, that he doesn't know about. We both know this, it's not a secret!
If he meets someone and doesn't want me anymore that's fine. I wouldn't want him to stay with me if he didn't want to. He could meet someone at work, at the supermarket, anywhere. Not necessarily on a meet.
I think thats called an open relationship, but no cpls/fb's should have to keep secrets...its the secretive part that stumps me...if ur that trusting of eachother.
Fair enough Op u say I'm going out for a fuck, and its none of ur business to ur OH, but what heppens when he/u is saying sorry I'm actually stuck in traffic, or there was no reception on the mobile from the local butchers.
I suppose I'm just not for much secretiveness..and I know I'll never cause anyone any hurt as I'm transparent consistently."
We don't live together and I don't keep tabs on him 24 hours a day. He has no need to lie as the question wouldn't come up as to where he was last night. Though if I asked, he'd tell me. (or so I think lol!)
I agree about your comment of no need for secretiveness. I wouldn't like that either. If I asked and he lied, then to me that's cheating. If I don't ask and he doesn't tell, to me that's not cheating.
Which is one of the reasons I asked the original question.  I like to read other people's points of _iew on things. I find it interesting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why does everyone feel the need to dissect and analyse the scenario? Just answer the question. Is it cheating?
"
Because it's an open forum and we all have our own opinions! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why does everyone feel the need to dissect and analyse the scenario? Just answer the question. Is it cheating?
"
its a forum...amazingly clear again... and why does everybody have to answer a question on basic ethics in a yes or no manner????-thatd be boring as fuck! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why does everyone feel the need to dissect and analyse the scenario? Just answer the question. Is it cheating?
"
I like the veering off topic, I want that.
It brings more questions and more discussion. |
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"I would say yes it is cheating but also I don't see how that scenario would happen! If they meet alone and tell their partner who and where they are meeting then why would they choose not to? Surely there's no motivation or need to keep it a secret?"
It does happen. I have a friend who swings with his wife and is allowed to meet men alone, he never does it's always other women he meets. |
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Well the situation you have mentioned is pre-agreed sorbet changes things. Also as previously mentioned we wouldn't class that as swinging. It is an agreed open relationship.
If you are both meeting seperately without the other knowing then what have you 'swapped?' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i wonder how many relationships would last on here if you took swinging out of their lives period
I am guessing quite a few, as most couples think swinging is just an axtra bit of fun rather than a requirement for the relationship working.
plit up anyway, regardless of swinging "
That's how it is for us Ruggers
....and have no shadow of a doubt it's the same for many many other couples |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"i wonder how many relationships would last on here if you took swinging out of their lives period"
in which case for me they are then swinging for the wrong reasons and it pretty dangerous....
for me, swinging is about it being an addition to a fun,loving and caring relationship.... not a replacement for something that is missing...... |
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"i wonder how many relationships would last on here if you took swinging out of their lives period
in which case for me they are then swinging for the wrong reasons and it pretty dangerous....
for me, swinging is about it being an addition to a fun,loving and caring relationship.... not a replacement for something that is missing......"
Abso-bleedin-lutely! Being in a strong, secure, passionate, loving and trusting relationship means we have more fun with this....no fear or subterfuge...we already have it all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The scenario- a couple swing together meeting singles and couples. They also swing alone with other people but they always let their other half know who they are meeting.
If one half of that couple then goes looking for secret meets and tell the person they are meeting that it must be kept secret as their other half doesn't know....
Is that cheating?"
tough one i guess - in terms of a swinging couple in an open relationship; then i guess its all down to the ground rules they set each other; if they include allowing to meet other without telling each fair do's; but I dont know of any couple who do that without the others knowledge  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The scenario- a couple swing together meeting singles and couples. They also swing alone with other people but they always let their other half know who they are meeting.
If one half of that couple then goes looking for secret meets and tell the person they are meeting that it must be kept secret as their other half doesn't know....
Is that cheating?"
Yes it's cheating!
If you do something behind your partner's back it's cheating, even if they ask after the event you've still cheated! |
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I must admit I get a thrill out of trying to get a female of a meet to meet me without her partner or husband knowing but always tell my wife. I am quite suprised about how many women are up for this . Makes me think that maybe they are looking for more than what they get out of swinging as a couple.
Steve |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It depends, if they are on different time lines i.e. one in the 1930's and one in the 2050's and you drill them both it doesn't count.
What??????
Funky, your brain is on a different planet to mine, methinks...
It was a time traveling joke, only other time travelers would really appreciate it."
Technically, they could be on the same timeline, just far enough apart that they would never meet - assuming they were unable to acquire the same time travel technology.
Though this obviously fails if one subscribes to a non-linear concept of time (hole theory) rather than a linear (string theory) _iew of time.
However, far more interesting is the idea of being able to switch realities, assuming a linear concept of time and that you could effectively 'dimension jump' between divergent realities and be with the same partner who preferred different sexual practices in each alternate reality.
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!
--
Oh, and to round out on topic - Its definitely deception which is pretty bad in its own right. As for cheating - probably a little moral ambiguity there given the openness of the initial relationship. I think the deception alone is enough to destroy trust in anything else. |
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