FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > No luck. Depressed?
No luck. Depressed?
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By *iner69er OP Man
over a year ago
inverness |
Just been thinking about my lack of success after years of being on here and wonder if there's any guys on fab who are in the same position who are feeling depressed by it? I'm not,but I reckon it could affect some people after trying for years and getting nowhere,messages constantly ignored,deleted,woman cutting contact after seemingly being on for meeting,etc. |
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No. I come here to meet new people and possibly make new friends. If anything else happens along the way it’s a bonus.
We all must remember people have preferences and we are not all looking for the same thing, so I just go with the flow and have no expectations |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just been thinking about my lack of success after years of being on here and wonder if there's any guys on fab who are in the same position who are feeling depressed by it? I'm not,but I reckon it could affect some people after trying for years and getting nowhere,messages constantly ignored,deleted,woman cutting contact after seemingly being on for meeting,etc."
I would think this is the experience for the vast majority of men on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Been on fab off and on over the years, and yep, it can be when trying to connect and no one but no one is having any.
I expect to be in for that disappointment again when I start messaging again  |
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"Just been thinking about my lack of success after years of being on here and wonder if there's any guys on fab who are in the same position who are feeling depressed by it? I'm not,but I reckon it could affect some people after trying for years and getting nowhere,messages constantly ignored,deleted,woman cutting contact after seemingly being on for meeting,etc."
You need to put more effort into your profile! You have to stand out. Good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People respond best to well written profiles with photos. "
This and also...what have you done to rectify this? If you don't change your approach or try something new.. the change won't magically happen.
Try group socials or clubs. Easier for some to make friends in person first then transfer it to here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People respond best to well written profiles with photos.
Agreed  "
I have to disagree with this one!
Whilst my profile may not be the best I think it highlights me and what I want and can offer, I’m photo verified and have face pics but yet….never get a response….but it doesn’t deter and I keep smiling!
I think all should and not loiter on the feelings of rejection! Whilst there’s a lot of men on here there are a lot of women and there will be one (if not more) wanting what a guy has on offer!! |
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By *enm83Man
over a year ago
Stockport |
A few weeks ago I was depressed because I was merely on here, ashamed that I was searching for sex rather than something a bit more permanent. But agreed to accept it, liberated myself, had a few good meets and got my first club visit in a week or two. So embrace the site, keep trying, keep being on the forums, it will happen! |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
"Just been thinking about my lack of success after years of being on here and wonder if there's any guys on fab who are in the same position who are feeling depressed by it? I'm not,but I reckon it could affect some people after trying for years and getting nowhere,messages constantly ignored,deleted,woman cutting contact after seemingly being on for meeting,etc."
We all get rejected or ignored on this site, regardless of what we do or how much effort we put in...it's just the reality of things, and you need some thick skin to be able to not let that affect you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You dont exactly set yourself up for getting noticed to be brutally honest. Youre not going to catch a womans eye with a silhouette inside her inbox, and you dont even need your head in frame of public photos if youre concerned over discretion.
Bio could do with some work and your profile title is VERY samey and boring. The moment i see "fun guy" i immediately yawn and im sure thats how a lot of women feel when theres thousands of other men who label themselves as "fun guy" 
I dont recognise your name much around in the forums and doesnt help having a silhouette (im usually better with faces than names) so hang around in the forum more if you dont already.
Sure it can be hard and depressing, but at some point you need to look at what youre doing to improve your chances. It takes effort in some form or other, but usually sifting through profiles and sending out messages when you dont stand out isnt going to work in your favour |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People respond best to well written profiles with photos.
Agreed
I have to disagree with this one!
Whilst my profile may not be the best I think it highlights me and what I want and can offer, I’m photo verified and have face pics but yet….never get a response….but it doesn’t deter and I keep smiling!
I think all should and not loiter on the feelings of rejection! Whilst there’s a lot of men on here there are a lot of women and there will be one (if not more) wanting what a guy has on offer!!"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depressed by strangers not replying to a message.. loosen up a little.
Easy come easy go my friend!!
This ain't a dating site.. People are naturally more picky.. |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
"Depressed by strangers not replying to a message.. loosen up a little.
Easy come easy go my friend!!
This ain't a dating site.. People are naturally more picky.. "
Depression is a complex and complicated state of mind and it is directly linked to one's self esteem. Constant rejection can cause low self esteem and can cause depression
The worst thing you can say to a person that might be depressed is to "loosen up" |
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"People respond best to well written profiles with photos.
Yeah, I guess mine just sucks then.  "
It is bulked out by being part of a couple and what you won't do. Your photos are back to 2016 and some are blurry. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People respond best to well written profiles with photos.
Yeah, I guess mine just sucks then.
It is bulked out by being part of a couple and what you won't do. Your photos are back to 2016 and some are blurry."
I appreciate the feedback and will work on that. Thank you for your honesty x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depressed by strangers not replying to a message.. loosen up a little.
Easy come easy go my friend!!
This ain't a dating site.. People are naturally more picky..
Depression is a complex and complicated state of mind and it is directly linked to one's self esteem. Constant rejection can cause low self esteem and can cause depression
The worst thing you can say to a person that might be depressed is to "loosen up" "
I've been near depression first hand..
This is the last place on earth you'd want to be.
You need familiar faces, and good people with you.. Not text messages from a website.
And being depressed is commonly experienced in life.
Having depression however,
is far far different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't devalue depression with your drivel. You feeling low because your silhouette and 2 line bio isn't having the lynx effect on here isn't being depressed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People respond best to well written profiles with photos.
This and also...what have you done to rectify this? If you don't change your approach or try something new.. the change won't magically happen.
Try group socials or clubs. Easier for some to make friends in person first then transfer it to here. "
Very true if you don’t make the effort you can’t expect things to come  |
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I wouldn't say I'm depressed by not meeting anyone recently, I talk to people all the time and get to know them.
You aren't really helping yourself with 2 friends only photos and a couple of lines on your profile after a year.
It makes you look like there's no effort and that's not appealing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Please don't value things on what or what doesn't happen here ,and please do NOT let complete strangers on an online site like this have a damaging effect on your mental well being. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The people who feels depressed by being on here and not getting what they came here for, in my eyes, have two options.
1) Change your approach/profile. It's obviously not working.
2) Leave. Your own health should come before anything or anyone. |
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People who use all the tools available that FAB provides so well.
A well written profile and a good amount of photos will always get more interest. As will a well thought out message.
Get chatting on the forums, go on cam, , go to organised socials and go to clubs.
Do all or some of the above and you’ll do better.
You reap what you sow on here.
K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You need to re adjust your expectations. I've never felt entitled to a response just because I want a response or feel I'm owed one.
"
Or don't have any expectations. Hopes are fine. |
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•
The urge to feel "despondent" would be more apt and understandable with the assumption that you have followed all the advice, feedback and guidelines concerning one's profile, in addition to having no expectations but only hope.
But to feel "depressed" would be incongruous and misplaced.
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Women get terribly pestered, bombarded even so for a solo guy to make a mark to get noticed the competition is fierce.
I get a steady few couples seeking what I offer but rarely get a message from a solo woman.
The suggestion of the Club route is a sensible one as is dogging in the summer.
I can understand a guy, on here for ages and getting nothing feeling low but remember it's not personal.
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"
Depression is a complex and complicated state of mind and it is directly linked to one's self esteem. Constant rejection can cause low self esteem and can cause depression
"
Same thing happens in nature.
In Yellowstone park there is a smaller geyser that can never match up to 'Old Faithful'. He gets very depressed about it.
Cause: Low sulphur steam. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. I come here to meet new people and possibly make new friends. If anything else happens along the way it’s a bonus.
We all must remember people have preferences and we are not all looking for the same thing, so I just go with the flow and have no expectations "
Similar outlook here with myself. |
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Really need to sell yourself in person at a social or club and het verified.
It's not difficult to see ehy some never get successful here. So much simpler in person to make an impression on others than in words and selfies. |
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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago
West Wales and Cardiff |
It’s a community on here; a surreal, dysfunctional, joyous, frustrating yet weirdly magnificent community.
The guys who do well are very often those who see the wider picture on Fab. Their personalities come across in the forums, they have interesting things to say on a wide range of topics, they look out for others, they waffle magnificently and they raise a smile or more.
Sending messages to every woman you like the look of in your area is a complete dead-end. Messages should be reserved for the very rare occasion a strong sense of connection absolutely leaps off the screen and you can really sense the possibilities.
Be human, be you (no matter how daft) and unexpected joys can happen on here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Depression is a complex and complicated state of mind and it is directly linked to one's self esteem. Constant rejection can cause low self esteem and can cause depression
Same thing happens in nature.
In Yellowstone park there is a smaller geyser that can never match up to 'Old Faithful'. He gets very depressed about it.
Cause: Low sulphur steam."
|
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"Just been thinking about my lack of success after years of being on here and wonder if there's any guys on fab who are in the same position who are feeling depressed by it? I'm not,but I reckon it could affect some people after trying for years and getting nowhere,messages constantly ignored,deleted,woman cutting contact after seemingly being on for meeting,etc."
You have to try doubly hard even socials and clubs as well.
As a single guy on here and in the scene you have to remember your treated like shit by most people. You only have to do a forum search for that!. |
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I confess that fab can rock your confidence and self esteem, which can often “out” itself as depression. The thing about fab is that it is up to you to manage your expectations, it is our expectations and lack of fulfilling them that often leads to depression.
So I expect nothing and in the main get nothing, which has just pushed me further and further away from trying to connect. These days I do not send messages or actively look for people to connect with, I wait, like a surfer, for the wave to reach me.
If I was more confident, had higher self esteem then I think I would be more active, but as stated above, years of pursuit and poor expectation management have taken their toll.
So for any fellas out there that feel a little rocked by a lack of interest I would say, if it’s unhealthy for your mental well-being to be here, then don’t be here. Once in a while I take a year out. Top up the old self-esteem/confidence tank by traditional dating and pop back in here, when I am in a good place. Being on fab whilst you are in a low place, for a single fella at least, will not (generally) be healthy. Be well all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe try changing your tactics? Make sure you are actively getting out there in the swinging world and not just relying on this site, as that can be hard work.
I can't give you profile advice as you haven't asked for it but Maje sure that you think of your profile as a shop window, it has to look inviting and appealing to draw people in. |
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