Me. Morning! Have you got a vegan sausage roll please.
Her. No. None delivered sorry.
Me. No worries. Got anything vegan?
Her. We've got a festive - that's vegan.
Me. Great. What's that ?
Her. A festive.
Me. What's a festive.
Her . A festive bake
Me. Right ..... what's in a festive bake ? Dead festive ?
Her........ Comes round the counter and reads the label to me......... 
Should I KNOW what's in a festive ????
What odd discussions do you find yourself in ...... ? |
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I went in to Claire's Accessories some time ago and picked up two items. The assistant told me
"It's buy free, get free, free"
I was genuinely confused and asked her to repeat what she'd said.
She rolled her eyes and said very slowly
"It's buy free, get free, free"
If I'd walked out without paying would the jury let me off?
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Bladder capacity..
Pretty run of the mill really 
How much does yours hold ?"
Funnily enough, I discuss bladder function almost daily
A would hazard a guess at around the 700ml mark at full capacity. |
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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago
Visiting Blackpool |
We were sat behind an older couple on a bus on holiday. The Lady said to her Husband "Do you want an Imperial mint?". She asked her friend the same. She said to her Husband "Sometimes it's nice to have something moist to suck on". We were cracking up, had to hold our noses to contain our laughs  |
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"I went in to Claire's Accessories some time ago and picked up two items. The assistant told me
"It's buy free, get free, free"
I was genuinely confused and asked her to repeat what she'd said.
She rolled her eyes and said very slowly
"It's buy free, get free, free"
If I'd walked out without paying would the jury let me off?
"
Buy THREE get THREE free ?
I'll let you off if I stop laughing. I can picture me listening to that and asking for a slow repeat _ ONLY _ we are not the dumb clucks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I went in to Claire's Accessories some time ago and picked up two items. The assistant told me
"It's buy free, get free, free"
I was genuinely confused and asked her to repeat what she'd said.
She rolled her eyes and said very slowly
"It's buy free, get free, free"
If I'd walked out without paying would the jury let me off?
"
I'd have asked more probing questions to see what else was free. And then I'd say fanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was on a bus once and the guy in front on the opposite side just randomly returned round to me and said "did you say you were a doctor or a nurse?" The only reply I could think of was "no" and then he just said "ok" and turned around again.
Bizarre! |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
Sat next to a 90 year old man on the bus, and as I groaned with knee pain he struck up a conversation about his ailments and medication.
He went on to tell me the medication he takes for his knees stops him from getting an erection, and he only produces a little bit of "stuff".
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"Sat next to a 90 year old man on the bus, and as I groaned with knee pain he struck up a conversation about his ailments and medication.
He went on to tell me the medication he takes for his knees stops him from getting an erection, and he only produces a little bit of "stuff".
"
I hope to God you didn't ask to see his stuff ! |
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Answered the house phone years ago and a woman called me by my first name and said she had gotten my number from my cousin who she mentioned by name also.
She told me her name which meant nothing to me and proceeded to ask how my mum was and if I could give her mum's number so she could contact her directly and wish her all the best before her big operation?
Problem was that mum wasn't ill and wasn't having an operation.
Long story short she had the wrong number but it was completely surreal and bizarre that the person she thought she was calling had the same first name and had a cousin with the same first name also.
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By *rsPricklePantsWoman
over a year ago
Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk |
"So whats in a festive?
As soon as she said 'stuffin' I said ...... No thanks .....
So I don't know "
According to Google
Taking inspiration from the original masterpiece, the Vegan Festive Bake has been made from delicious puff pastry, filled with savoury flavour Quorn™ mycoprotein pieces, sage & onion stuffing balls and vegan bacon crumb, wonderfully finished with a mouth-watering sage & cranberry sauce |
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