FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Well I saw that dude that stood me up
Well I saw that dude that stood me up
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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In work Monday night. I was by my managers desk turned round and he was walking towards me. Definitely saw me but he did a quick swerve into one of the aisles.
I thought okay he’s avoiding me. I walked back to where I needed to be, turned a corner and he was talking to some girl. So I just continued to walk passed.
Hour later they were giving out early finishes so I took it.
Now this is the most important part where I was super proud of myself. Now I know I shouldn’t be congratulating myself for doing things that come easily to normal well rounded people but it’s a huge thing for me.
I always feel like I have two choices and old me always knows the consequences yet chooses the wrong option.
ALL of me wanted to go find him and say what was all that about then Saturday, what happened, but I thought what’s the point. It won’t achieve anything, will just make me look stupid and bothered when I’m not even bothered about it.
Even though it’s a huuuuge place to find one person theres literally 2,630 aisles he could’ve been in across 5 floors an A side and B side, old me would have found him to confront him about Saturday. Plus the messages. I could have text him multiple times but I haven’t. Apart from the 1 text I sent him on Saturday afternoon asking if he was awake yet(before he stood me up) I haven’t messaged him since.
I’m know I’m making it sound like a big deal but to me it is a big deal. It would have been so easy for me to confront him, I don’t care about kicking off or making a scene, the harder thing to do is do nothing but it feels soo much better.
I haven’t done anything wrong. All I did was agree to his request to meet him, arranged the times the night before even gave my postcode and address cos he asked for it, I tidied my whole house, showered, shaved, done my hair and makeup then he didn’t turn up, no message or anything.
I haven’t conducted myself in any kind of way so nothing to feel ashamed about. He was acting dodgy, if he wanted to approach me, apologise or explain he had plenty of opportunity to do that. Normally when he’s bumped into me he follows me round or will message me to come to where he is or text me to ask where I am so he can come to me. He knew I was in work so if he wanted to speak to me or see me at all he could. That’s what I was telling myself when I was deciding not to go find him to confront him.
So I’ve done the right thing haven’t I and not made myself look even more stupid? I feel a bit stupid that he stood me up in the first place, it’s embarrassing. But thing I’m most impressed with is the fact I didn’t react. I KNOW in the past I would’ve wanted to at least ask him why he didn’t turn up but I just don’t care. He must have had his reasons but I don’t care what they are.
I’m interested in opinions going forward cos I will cross paths with him at some point soon. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My only suggestion really is, to avoid these kind of awkward moments and for your own sanity, cos it’s strings no matter how chill you are… just try see guys outside of your work. So you can bin them off if you don’t want to see them anymore , guilt free. And also there’s no tip toeing around things.
I think work is a place where people spend a lot of time at, the last thing someone needs is that dread feeling cos of a colleague
Just my 2 cents  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good on you for not reacting the way you would have in the past. In my opinion on going forward would be to just carry on like you have, forget about him in the sense of the sex aspect. You don’t want any fallouts or it anymore awkward with him. I suppose it could be a lot worse forget and move on… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't feel stupid at all. The fact he swerved to avoid you says it all. He has no reasonable excuse.
Maybe he has a girlfriend somewhere or a tiny dick.
Don't give him another thought. It's nearly Christmas.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds you did the right thing. If he had a genuine reason for not showing up then he wouldve approached you like a man and explained what happened, he didnt, so it sounds like you dodged a bullet
I dont know what his motives were, but from the sounds of things hes just playing around the field and lost interest in meeting you, so you dont want to waste your time with ppl like that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I totally get where you're coming from by wanting some sort of answers. I have been in a similar scenario of wanting to know answers. I asked for answers and never got a satisfying enough one and it haunts me 8 years later. Yes, still!
If it was me I'd just ignore him going forward. Be nice, say hi he if does first but I wouldn't give him my time. |
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"In work Monday night. I was by my managers desk turned round and he was walking towards me. Definitely saw me but he did a quick swerve into one of the aisles.
I thought okay he’s avoiding me. I walked back to where I needed to be, turned a corner and he was talking to some girl. So I just continued to walk passed.
Hour later they were giving out early finishes so I took it.
Now this is the most important part where I was super proud of myself. Now I know I shouldn’t be congratulating myself for doing things that come easily to normal well rounded people but it’s a huge thing for me.
I always feel like I have two choices and old me always knows the consequences yet chooses the wrong option.
ALL of me wanted to go find him and say what was all that about then Saturday, what happened, but I thought what’s the point. It won’t achieve anything, will just make me look stupid and bothered when I’m not even bothered about it.
Even though it’s a huuuuge place to find one person theres literally 2,630 aisles he could’ve been in across 5 floors an A side and B side, old me would have found him to confront him about Saturday. Plus the messages. I could have text him multiple times but I haven’t. Apart from the 1 text I sent him on Saturday afternoon asking if he was awake yet(before he stood me up) I haven’t messaged him since.
I’m know I’m making it sound like a big deal but to me it is a big deal. It would have been so easy for me to confront him, I don’t care about kicking off or making a scene, the harder thing to do is do nothing but it feels soo much better.
I haven’t done anything wrong. All I did was agree to his request to meet him, arranged the times the night before even gave my postcode and address cos he asked for it, I tidied my whole house, showered, shaved, done my hair and makeup then he didn’t turn up, no message or anything.
I haven’t conducted myself in any kind of way so nothing to feel ashamed about. He was acting dodgy, if he wanted to approach me, apologise or explain he had plenty of opportunity to do that. Normally when he’s bumped into me he follows me round or will message me to come to where he is or text me to ask where I am so he can come to me. He knew I was in work so if he wanted to speak to me or see me at all he could. That’s what I was telling myself when I was deciding not to go find him to confront him.
So I’ve done the right thing haven’t I and not made myself look even more stupid? I feel a bit stupid that he stood me up in the first place, it’s embarrassing. But thing I’m most impressed with is the fact I didn’t react. I KNOW in the past I would’ve wanted to at least ask him why he didn’t turn up but I just don’t care. He must have had his reasons but I don’t care what they are.
I’m interested in opinions going forward cos I will cross paths with him at some point soon. "
Good for you, you should just mentally file him away under "you had your chance, you won't get another".
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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100% that was his only window of opportunity and yeah if I saw him and he says hello, I’ll say hello back but won’t engage like I used to.
I’m glad nothing happened now cos if he’s like this when we almost did he would most likely be a dick after sex. That would’ve just tainted what could have been a good night yet makes you feel regretful if they treat you like a knob afterwards. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You've done totally the right thing. Be super proud of yourself!
You have certainly changed your way of thinking and your behaviour in such a positive way.
You are making incredible progress on your journey, go you  |
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It's a shitter when the realisation hits you that there really is no point in following up coz they have such little respect for you that they'd likely lie anyway.
When you're an internaliser it's weird changing the mindset from "wtf? How can he act like I'm insignificant, what's wrong with me, why can't he just treat me like a human?" to, "meh, he's insignificant"
Well done you xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's a shitter when the realisation hits you that there really is no point in following up coz they have such little respect for you that they'd likely lie anyway.
When you're an internaliser it's weird changing the mindset from "wtf? How can he act like I'm insignificant, what's wrong with me, why can't he just treat me like a human?" to, "meh, he's insignificant"
Well done you xx"
It was weird though cos the urge to just leave the premises and go was stronger than the urge to go up to him and say what the fuck like, and I’ve never had that before. It was strange cos I’ve always known nothing good comes from kicking off I’ve just never been able to stop myself before. That night I bought myself a box of Guylian Belgian chocolate seashells as a well done  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you've done completely the right thing, and I agree with your comment above about how would he have been afterwards if he had turned up on Saturday.
I also agree with the posters above... stay away from interested guys at work OP, it'll make your life even easier |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’m likely to see him again tomorrow in work and as of next Monday I’ll be doing 3 shifts same time as him so will cross paths.
Also agree not a good idea to mix work with casual encounters, just so many good looking men there! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stick to your plan of playing it cool and not even acknowledging him unless it for work purposes.
Meet guys you’re not gonna have to deal with on a daily basis, and ones who will actually turn up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was stood up once. It wasn't nice, but I'd be livid if I went to the effort you went to. I'm blessed with the biggest decision I have is whether to trim my beard a little bit or not.
But you're right to not show you were annoyed. Don't ever give anyone the satisfaction of thinking they have the power. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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When you have an early finish you can choose if you want to take it paid or unpaid. Paid means it comes out of your holiday allowance.
Also I’ve been there for a year now so I find it pleasant to work there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Congratulations my beautiful friend, you’ve got the situation spot on.
Never ever give him the time of day again and continue with your life.
I’m really pleased for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Let it go and hold your head up high. Be proud of the growth you’ve achieved. He’s been a dickhead and shown himself up. His loss. Move on and let the water pass under the bridge. He’ll no doubt regret it more than you will |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My only suggestion really is, to avoid these kind of awkward moments and for your own sanity, cos it’s strings no matter how chill you are… just try see guys outside of your work. So you can bin them off if you don’t want to see them anymore , guilt free. And also there’s no tip toeing around things.
I think work is a place where people spend a lot of time at, the last thing someone needs is that dread feeling cos of a colleague
Just my 2 cents "
This.... After reading yours Annie, I don't find it a giggle anymore....ignore and forget, what a wanker he is....find a fella on here ffs love  |
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"Yeah I’m not so much bothered about him not turning up or trying to figure out the why’s or whatever. It’s more the fact that I didn’t react. "
6 months ago you'd have been hiding on the back seat in his car waiting for him to finish work. You're doing great.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yeah I’m not so much bothered about him not turning up or trying to figure out the why’s or whatever. It’s more the fact that I didn’t react.
6 months ago you'd have been hiding on the back seat in his car waiting for him to finish work. You're doing great. "
 |
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"I applaud you. I would have been raging and wanting to do exactly the same thing.
It's hard being the bigger person sometimes and not rising to it. Well done x"
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Was it the Polish guy? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I applaud you. I would have been raging and wanting to do exactly the same thing.
It's hard being the bigger person sometimes and not rising to it. Well done x
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Was it the Polish guy? "
Yeah. Don’t need revenge. Don’t need anything. He’ll probably try it on again and I’ll say no thanks. That’s enough revenge. |
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"Yeah. Don’t need revenge. Don’t need anything. He’ll probably try it on again and I’ll say no thanks. That’s enough revenge. "
Hiya, I don’t know you Annie as I am very new to fab and the forum but I’ve read a few of your recent posts and definitely admire your actions here, you’ve done absolutely the right thing to just ignore the idiot and move on. As they say, his loss! I tend to agree with the “don't shit where you eat” sentiment and “don’t shit on your own door step” well done for being cool calm and collected about dealing with that waste of time and space. Don’t give him any more head room x |
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"In work Monday night. I was by my managers desk turned round and he was walking towards me. Definitely saw me but he did a quick swerve into one of the aisles.
I thought okay he’s avoiding me. I walked back to where I needed to be, turned a corner and he was talking to some girl. So I just continued to walk passed.
Hour later they were giving out early finishes so I took it.
Now this is the most important part where I was super proud of myself. Now I know I shouldn’t be congratulating myself for doing things that come easily to normal well rounded people but it’s a huge thing for me.
I always feel like I have two choices and old me always knows the consequences yet chooses the wrong option.
ALL of me wanted to go find him and say what was all that about then Saturday, what happened, but I thought what’s the point. It won’t achieve anything, will just make me look stupid and bothered when I’m not even bothered about it.
Even though it’s a huuuuge place to find one person theres literally 2,630 aisles he could’ve been in across 5 floors an A side and B side, old me would have found him to confront him about Saturday. Plus the messages. I could have text him multiple times but I haven’t. Apart from the 1 text I sent him on Saturday afternoon asking if he was awake yet(before he stood me up) I haven’t messaged him since.
I’m know I’m making it sound like a big deal but to me it is a big deal. It would have been so easy for me to confront him, I don’t care about kicking off or making a scene, the harder thing to do is do nothing but it feels soo much better.
I haven’t done anything wrong. All I did was agree to his request to meet him, arranged the times the night before even gave my postcode and address cos he asked for it, I tidied my whole house, showered, shaved, done my hair and makeup then he didn’t turn up, no message or anything.
I haven’t conducted myself in any kind of way so nothing to feel ashamed about. He was acting dodgy, if he wanted to approach me, apologise or explain he had plenty of opportunity to do that. Normally when he’s bumped into me he follows me round or will message me to come to where he is or text me to ask where I am so he can come to me. He knew I was in work so if he wanted to speak to me or see me at all he could. That’s what I was telling myself when I was deciding not to go find him to confront him.
So I’ve done the right thing haven’t I and not made myself look even more stupid? I feel a bit stupid that he stood me up in the first place, it’s embarrassing. But thing I’m most impressed with is the fact I didn’t react. I KNOW in the past I would’ve wanted to at least ask him why he didn’t turn up but I just don’t care. He must have had his reasons but I don’t care what they are.
I’m interested in opinions going forward cos I will cross paths with him at some point soon. "
Good for you not approaching him, I think he will have been a tad embarrassed and winced every time you come in to each others space, hahaha, you hold your head high girl..he will come running back with his tail between his legs..when he does knock him back. Big hugs to you  |
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"In work Monday night. I was by my managers desk turned round and he was walking towards me. Definitely saw me but he did a quick swerve into one of the aisles.
I thought okay he’s avoiding me. I walked back to where I needed to be, turned a corner and he was talking to some girl. So I just continued to walk passed.
Hour later they were giving out early finishes so I took it.
Now this is the most important part where I was super proud of myself. Now I know I shouldn’t be congratulating myself for doing things that come easily to normal well rounded people but it’s a huge thing for me.
I always feel like I have two choices and old me always knows the consequences yet chooses the wrong option.
ALL of me wanted to go find him and say what was all that about then Saturday, what happened, but I thought what’s the point. It won’t achieve anything, will just make me look stupid and bothered when I’m not even bothered about it.
Even though it’s a huuuuge place to find one person theres literally 2,630 aisles he could’ve been in across 5 floors an A side and B side, old me would have found him to confront him about Saturday. Plus the messages. I could have text him multiple times but I haven’t. Apart from the 1 text I sent him on Saturday afternoon asking if he was awake yet(before he stood me up) I haven’t messaged him since.
I’m know I’m making it sound like a big deal but to me it is a big deal. It would have been so easy for me to confront him, I don’t care about kicking off or making a scene, the harder thing to do is do nothing but it feels soo much better.
I haven’t done anything wrong. All I did was agree to his request to meet him, arranged the times the night before even gave my postcode and address cos he asked for it, I tidied my whole house, showered, shaved, done my hair and makeup then he didn’t turn up, no message or anything.
I haven’t conducted myself in any kind of way so nothing to feel ashamed about. He was acting dodgy, if he wanted to approach me, apologise or explain he had plenty of opportunity to do that. Normally when he’s bumped into me he follows me round or will message me to come to where he is or text me to ask where I am so he can come to me. He knew I was in work so if he wanted to speak to me or see me at all he could. That’s what I was telling myself when I was deciding not to go find him to confront him.
So I’ve done the right thing haven’t I and not made myself look even more stupid? I feel a bit stupid that he stood me up in the first place, it’s embarrassing. But thing I’m most impressed with is the fact I didn’t react. I KNOW in the past I would’ve wanted to at least ask him why he didn’t turn up but I just don’t care. He must have had his reasons but I don’t care what they are.
I’m interested in opinions going forward cos I will cross paths with him at some point soon. "
Definitely the right thing! Xx just move on without another thought of him and if he does approach you in future just say no thanks not interested - bye!! Xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My best mate had her baby a couple of hours ago and just been video calling her. The baby waved at me  I’m calling it a wave anyway, he was just moving his hand! There’s way more important things going on in life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have behaved with the utmost dignity, and you should so be proud of yourself for that.
However it does fuck me off that his shitty behaviour remains unchecked. He’s got away with it, so to speak.
But your head is definitely held high |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You have behaved with the utmost dignity, and you should so be proud of yourself for that.
However it does fuck me off that his shitty behaviour remains unchecked. He’s got away with it, so to speak.
But your head is definitely held high "
I know but what can you, it’s not my place to punish him or anything. In the grand scheme of things what did he do, give it the big one for 4 months asking me to meet him and then when I said yes and made firm arrangements, he didn’t turn up.
The practically running away from me Monday night and not even apologising or acknowledging what he did just shows me that he does feel either ashamed or guilty.
When he tries it on again and he will, I have a feeling, I’ll just decline.
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By *al kalMan
over a year ago
london |
"You have behaved with the utmost dignity, and you should so be proud of yourself for that.
However it does fuck me off that his shitty behaviour remains unchecked. He’s got away with it, so to speak.
But your head is definitely held high
I know but what can you, it’s not my place to punish him or anything. In the grand scheme of things what did he do, give it the big one for 4 months asking me to meet him and then when I said yes and made firm arrangements, he didn’t turn up.
The practically running away from me Monday night and not even apologising or acknowledging what he did just shows me that he does feel either ashamed or guilty.
When he tries it on again and he will, I have a feeling, I’ll just decline.
"
To master the world, one must first master oneself....
You acted gracefully and are a credit to this forum. To not let your feelings get the better of you shows your social and emotional intelligence and re-enforces that you are a classy one.
Forget the looser, who in their right mind would have behaved that way. Some guys are purely in it for the chase and gives us fellas a bad name when they ghost and behave like this. The fact he gave no one iota of response, not even explanation after setting the seen for 4 months, and walking away shows the fantasist he is likely to be.
Karma will teach him. If not then the universe will...  |
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I’ve read a few of your posts in the past Annie and I’d like to congratulate you on how well you’ve dealt with this idiot’s behaviour.
It can be soul destroying when someone bails on you are stands you up and it’s natural to want to know a reason why and make yourself think you’ve done something wrong to make it happen…
Your response to this guy shows that you’re learning that it’s not actually you with the problem, it’s the dickhead who let you down who has the issue.
You’re an absolutely stunning woman, and from your posts on here a very empathic and introspective person….. any man should be lucky to have you |
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"In work Monday night. I was by my managers desk turned round and he was walking towards me. Definitely saw me but he did a quick swerve into one of the aisles.
I thought okay he’s avoiding me. I walked back to where I needed to be, turned a corner and he was talking to some girl. So I just continued to walk passed.
Hour later they were giving out early finishes so I took it.
Now this is the most important part where I was super proud of myself. Now I know I shouldn’t be congratulating myself for doing things that come easily to normal well rounded people but it’s a huge thing for me.
I always feel like I have two choices and old me always knows the consequences yet chooses the wrong option.
ALL of me wanted to go find him and say what was all that about then Saturday, what happened, but I thought what’s the point. It won’t achieve anything, will just make me look stupid and bothered when I’m not even bothered about it.
Even though it’s a huuuuge place to find one person theres literally 2,630 aisles he could’ve been in across 5 floors an A side and B side, old me would have found him to confront him about Saturday. Plus the messages. I could have text him multiple times but I haven’t. Apart from the 1 text I sent him on Saturday afternoon asking if he was awake yet(before he stood me up) I haven’t messaged him since.
I’m know I’m making it sound like a big deal but to me it is a big deal. It would have been so easy for me to confront him, I don’t care about kicking off or making a scene, the harder thing to do is do nothing but it feels soo much better.
I haven’t done anything wrong. All I did was agree to his request to meet him, arranged the times the night before even gave my postcode and address cos he asked for it, I tidied my whole house, showered, shaved, done my hair and makeup then he didn’t turn up, no message or anything.
I haven’t conducted myself in any kind of way so nothing to feel ashamed about. He was acting dodgy, if he wanted to approach me, apologise or explain he had plenty of opportunity to do that. Normally when he’s bumped into me he follows me round or will message me to come to where he is or text me to ask where I am so he can come to me. He knew I was in work so if he wanted to speak to me or see me at all he could. That’s what I was telling myself when I was deciding not to go find him to confront him.
So I’ve done the right thing haven’t I and not made myself look even more stupid? I feel a bit stupid that he stood me up in the first place, it’s embarrassing. But thing I’m most impressed with is the fact I didn’t react. I KNOW in the past I would’ve wanted to at least ask him why he didn’t turn up but I just don’t care. He must have had his reasons but I don’t care what they are.
I’m interested in opinions going forward cos I will cross paths with him at some point soon. "
The guy must be a prize plum. Most men here would be over the moon with a reply, let alone a date with you.
Your far too nice to get worked up over being stood up. You can honestly smile confidently to yourself knowing you literally have the pick of who you fancy x  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Omg. I put his chat in archives on WhatsApp so don’t get the notification but just noticed he messaged me at 1:06 this morning saying hey are you in work then another one saying are you okay babes, heart eyes emoji x2!
Should I just ignore it and leave it on read or just say yeah I’m good thanks. But then leave it.
I wanna do the second option just so it doesn’t look like I’m pissed off or have any kind of issue cos I don’t. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ahhh the booty call, mail etc!
I'll leave it for others to give you the advice you'd wanna read ...
Pride is strong with me and the taking the piss men ... |
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"Omg. I put his chat in archives on WhatsApp so don’t get the notification but just noticed he messaged me at 1:06 this morning saying hey are you in work then another one saying are you okay babes, heart eyes emoji x2!
Should I just ignore it and leave it on read or just say yeah I’m good thanks. But then leave it.
I wanna do the second option just so it doesn’t look like I’m pissed off or have any kind of issue cos I don’t. "
Send him a nude pic and say look what you coulda won |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ahhh the booty call, mail etc!
I'll leave it for others to give you the advice you'd wanna read ...
Pride is strong with me and the taking the piss men ..."
Not really a booty call cos we work nights and he was messaging to see if I was in work. I’m not making excuses but that was just a text to see if I was in the building. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He if still hasn't given you a valid reason as to why he ghosted you on your date night, then just say 'you missed your chance, please don't approach me in that way again.'
Job done. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ahhh the booty call, mail etc!
I'll leave it for others to give you the advice you'd wanna read ...
Pride is strong with me and the taking the piss men ...
Not really a booty call cos we work nights and he was messaging to see if I was in work. I’m not making excuses but that was just a text to see if I was in the building. "
Strange why he couldn't say sorry whilst at work. What's he doing now, tip toeing around the idea.......and you thought he was dominant Annie |
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"Omg. I put his chat in archives on WhatsApp so don’t get the notification but just noticed he messaged me at 1:06 this morning saying hey are you in work then another one saying are you okay babes, heart eyes emoji x2!
Should I just ignore it and leave it on read or just say yeah I’m good thanks. But then leave it.
I wanna do the second option just so it doesn’t look like I’m pissed off or have any kind of issue cos I don’t. "
Option 1. He’s not worth your time or effort |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"Omg. I put his chat in archives on WhatsApp so don’t get the notification but just noticed he messaged me at 1:06 this morning saying hey are you in work then another one saying are you okay babes, heart eyes emoji x2!
Should I just ignore it and leave it on read or just say yeah I’m good thanks. But then leave it.
I wanna do the second option just so it doesn’t look like I’m pissed off or have any kind of issue cos I don’t. "
'I'm great thanks, whilst you didn't show it gave me the opportunity to meet someone truly nice'
Honestly though, I'd just reply 'I'm good thanks' and pop him back to archived x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ahhh the booty call, mail etc!
I'll leave it for others to give you the advice you'd wanna read ...
Pride is strong with me and the taking the piss men ...
Not really a booty call cos we work nights and he was messaging to see if I was in work. I’m not making excuses but that was just a text to see if I was in the building. "
Don't reply. He's not a friend. If he needs to speak to you on a work basis he should go find you, not message your personal phone.
If it was me I'd read it but ignore and archive it again. |
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"Omg. I put his chat in archives on WhatsApp so don’t get the notification but just noticed he messaged me at 1:06 this morning saying hey are you in work then another one saying are you okay babes, heart eyes emoji x2!
Should I just ignore it and leave it on read or just say yeah I’m good thanks. But then leave it.
I wanna do the second option just so it doesn’t look like I’m pissed off or have any kind of issue cos I don’t.
'I'm great thanks, whilst you didn't show it gave me the opportunity to meet someone truly nice'
Honestly though, I'd just reply 'I'm good thanks' and pop him back to archived x"
Yeah I’d do that too. Just say I’m good thanks. If you ignore he’ll think he’s got to you. |
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"You have behaved with the utmost dignity, and you should so be proud of yourself for that.
However it does fuck me off that his shitty behaviour remains unchecked. He’s got away with it, so to speak.
But your head is definitely held high
I know but what can you, it’s not my place to punish him or anything. In the grand scheme of things what did he do, give it the big one for 4 months asking me to meet him and then when I said yes and made firm arrangements, he didn’t turn up.
The practically running away from me Monday night and not even apologising or acknowledging what he did just shows me that he does feel either ashamed or guilty.
When he tries it on again and he will, I have a feeling, I’ll just decline.
"
They always come crawling back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm good. just so you know, I have a one strike rule. So you're officially in the friend zone. Probably shouldn't even be there, but hey, I'm a nice gal. See you around (hard not to eh?). Annie"
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Omg. I put his chat in archives on WhatsApp so don’t get the notification but just noticed he messaged me at 1:06 this morning saying hey are you in work then another one saying are you okay babes, heart eyes emoji x2!
Should I just ignore it and leave it on read or just say yeah I’m good thanks. But then leave it.
I wanna do the second option just so it doesn’t look like I’m pissed off or have any kind of issue cos I don’t. "
I know everyone is saying ignore him, but after reading this I would have to have a word with him so he knows his behaviour is not acceptable.
If you don't cut him dead now, he might keep trying it on.
Sending late night texts with hearts tells me he thinks he's done no wrong, and might be trying it on again.
He sounds immature and I would speak to him. |
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""I'm good. just so you know, I have a one strike rule. So you're officially in the friend zone. Probably shouldn't even be there, but hey, I'm a nice gal. See you around (hard not to eh?). Annie"
"
Teen behaviour. Passive Agressive. Narcissistic. Arrogant. Petty ..... The total opposite to what a person who outwardly demonstrates this behaviour is experiencing internally.
Just my thoughts on this advice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Annie,
I go from laughing, to rolling my eyes and even frustration with you my lovely. I rarely respond to your threads as my contribution would just mirror many other people's advice or sometimes intolerance.
But yet I really do think that you more so than many others need the advice from the forum folk and value their constructive criticism as much or if not more than the ego boosting comments. You quite openly and honestly pour your personal love life out for dissection. Now some may say its TMI, some may criticise and think it's attention seeking and others may care and give advice.
This particular situation with the guy from work excited you, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. The decision to have a meet with him would not have been my decision as I don't mix business with pleasure as I prefer to be lusted after in their minds rather than office gossip after I have slept with someone...but that's just me.
You then went through emotions that you haven't experienced for some time and with those emotions came a personal first test of whether your new coping strategies, counselling and self help is effective.
Annie the past week for us has been like a storyline of a soap opera and we can switch off if we want or not read the threads but this is your life and you are sharing and wanting advice, so at this point I am prepared to spend my own few minutes writing a response for you.
You Annie have made huge improvements, you still have a way to go but you're going along the right path. You are using your mindfulness tools and coping strategies and you reacted to that guy at work with dignity and self worth, of which if you were stood here now I would be smiling at you like a proud big sister.
What you do now regarding the message is your call, by replying or not you can't really get it wrong. It's just whether you want to close that chapter with him and if so how to do it in the right way for you.
I hope you see from this that although sometimes I may also get frustrated by some of your posts I do try to see the person behind the screen that is typing away and today I have seen you.
Take care and keep going
NBVN x
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"Annie,
I go from laughing, to rolling my eyes and even frustration with you my lovely. I rarely respond to your threads as my contribution would just mirror many other people's advice or sometimes intolerance.
But yet I really do think that you more so than many others need the advice from the forum folk and value their constructive criticism as much or if not more than the ego boosting comments. You quite openly and honestly pour your personal love life out for dissection. Now some may say its TMI, some may criticise and think it's attention seeking and others may care and give advice.
This particular situation with the guy from work excited you, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. The decision to have a meet with him would not have been my decision as I don't mix business with pleasure as I prefer to be lusted after in their minds rather than office gossip after I have slept with someone...but that's just me.
You then went through emotions that you haven't experienced for some time and with those emotions came a personal first test of whether your new coping strategies, counselling and self help is effective.
Annie the past week for us has been like a storyline of a soap opera and we can switch off if we want or not read the threads but this is your life and you are sharing and wanting advice, so at this point I am prepared to spend my own few minutes writing a response for you.
You Annie have made huge improvements, you still have a way to go but you're going along the right path. You are using your mindfulness tools and coping strategies and you reacted to that guy at work with dignity and self worth, of which if you were stood here now I would be smiling at you like a proud big sister.
What you do now regarding the message is your call, by replying or not you can't really get it wrong. It's just whether you want to close that chapter with him and if so how to do it in the right way for you.
I hope you see from this that although sometimes I may also get frustrated by some of your posts I do try to see the person behind the screen that is typing away and today I have seen you.
Take care and keep going
NBVN x
"
All of this! |
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"In work Monday night. I was by my managers desk turned round and he was walking towards me. Definitely saw me but he did a quick swerve into one of the aisles.
I thought okay he’s avoiding me. I walked back to where I needed to be, turned a corner and he was talking to some girl. So I just continued to walk passed.
Hour later they were giving out early finishes so I took it.
Now this is the most important part where I was super proud of myself. Now I know I shouldn’t be congratulating myself for doing things that come easily to normal well rounded people but it’s a huge thing for me.
I always feel like I have two choices and old me always knows the consequences yet chooses the wrong option.
ALL of me wanted to go find him and say what was all that about then Saturday, what happened, but I thought what’s the point. It won’t achieve anything, will just make me look stupid and bothered when I’m not even bothered about it.
Even though it’s a huuuuge place to find one person theres literally 2,630 aisles he could’ve been in across 5 floors an A side and B side, old me would have found him to confront him about Saturday. Plus the messages. I could have text him multiple times but I haven’t. Apart from the 1 text I sent him on Saturday afternoon asking if he was awake yet(before he stood me up) I haven’t messaged him since.
I’m know I’m making it sound like a big deal but to me it is a big deal. It would have been so easy for me to confront him, I don’t care about kicking off or making a scene, the harder thing to do is do nothing but it feels soo much better.
I haven’t done anything wrong. All I did was agree to his request to meet him, arranged the times the night before even gave my postcode and address cos he asked for it, I tidied my whole house, showered, shaved, done my hair and makeup then he didn’t turn up, no message or anything.
I haven’t conducted myself in any kind of way so nothing to feel ashamed about. He was acting dodgy, if he wanted to approach me, apologise or explain he had plenty of opportunity to do that. Normally when he’s bumped into me he follows me round or will message me to come to where he is or text me to ask where I am so he can come to me. He knew I was in work so if he wanted to speak to me or see me at all he could. That’s what I was telling myself when I was deciding not to go find him to confront him.
So I’ve done the right thing haven’t I and not made myself look even more stupid? I feel a bit stupid that he stood me up in the first place, it’s embarrassing. But thing I’m most impressed with is the fact I didn’t react. I KNOW in the past I would’ve wanted to at least ask him why he didn’t turn up but I just don’t care. He must have had his reasons but I don’t care what they are.
I’m interested in opinions going forward cos I will cross paths with him at some point soon. "
I think you have conducted yourself admirably.. people who don't turn up are a real pain, personally I give people the benefit of doubt twice, some would say that's once too often but we all have to remember that sometimes normal life gets in the way occasionally, and sods law it'll always be at the most awkward moment hence why I give two chances. But on the whole I think you've done admirably. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It must be hard Annie - you didn't arrange to meet him because you hated him, he was ugly, and you have no lust for him. No, you wanted him, so it's understandable you're hurt and confused as you thought he had the same feelings and same intentions. Your reaction initially was perfect, but now he's messaged again you really have to decide what to do to put an end to it. I think asking him why he ghosted you could lead to you losing the plot as his answer will probably be a lie, and that's infuriating. My guess is he's scared of you. The chase was great, but actually going through with it scares him in case he can't live up to his own hype - that's the only explanation I can come up with unless he's married. I think the polite but non engaging answers when he speaks in future approach is best. But don't ask me, I haven't a clue what I'm talking about!!! You won't have any other ghosters to worry about in future, thats a cast iron guarantee!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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With regards to the message I’m just gonna say yeah I’m good thanks.
I am good. I feel fine. I don’t want to ignore him cos then I’m making it look like it’s an issue when it’s not, plus I have to see him around work. |
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Similar thing happened to me a few weeks ago. Got stood up and then met the guy (pretty sure it was him) in a club a couple of weeks ago. Awkward to say the least!
I tried to talk to her but got told as she's a woman she's entitled to change her mind without asking or even saying sorry! |
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"Similar thing happened to me a few weeks ago. Got stood up and then met the guy (pretty sure it was him) in a club a couple of weeks ago. Awkward to say the least!
I tried to talk to her but got told as she's a woman she's entitled to change her mind without asking or even saying sorry! "
Quickest Gender Change in history ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Similar thing happened to me a few weeks ago. Got stood up and then met the guy (pretty sure it was him) in a club a couple of weeks ago. Awkward to say the least!
I tried to talk to her but got told as she's a woman she's entitled to change her mind without asking or even saying sorry! "
This confuses me: guy, him, she, her, woman |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Similar thing happened to me a few weeks ago. Got stood up and then met the guy (pretty sure it was him) in a club a couple of weeks ago. Awkward to say the least!
I tried to talk to her but got told as she's a woman she's entitled to change her mind without asking or even saying sorry!
Quickest Gender Change in history ?"
this made me spit my coffee |
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"Similar thing happened to me a few weeks ago. Got stood up and then met the guy (pretty sure it was him) in a club a couple of weeks ago. Awkward to say the least!
I tried to talk to her but got told as she's a woman she's entitled to change her mind without asking or even saying sorry!
This confuses me: guy, him, she, her, woman"
Lol no I had arranged to meet this woman who stood me up for some guy, who I then I think bumped into in a club! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Similar thing happened to me a few weeks ago. Got stood up and then met the guy (pretty sure it was him) in a club a couple of weeks ago. Awkward to say the least!
I tried to talk to her but got told as she's a woman she's entitled to change her mind without asking or even saying sorry!
This confuses me: guy, him, she, her, woman
Lol no I had arranged to meet this woman who stood me up for some guy, who I then I think bumped into in a club! "
Just admit you're "fab straight" |
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Think of it this way OP. He has afforded you an important moment of personal growth. We cannot control how other people behave but we can choose how to react to it. Pick your battles. On a personal level you have won this battle. Where is he by comparison? Still a coward with essentially no manners who does not regard the feelings of others. You can see that you are worth so much more than that so you are ahead of the game. |
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"I applaud you. I would have been raging and wanting to do exactly the same thing.
It's hard being the bigger person sometimes and not rising to it. Well done x
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Was it the Polish guy?
Yeah. Don’t need revenge. Don’t need anything. He’ll probably try it on again and I’ll say no thanks. That’s enough revenge. "
Exactly and, he will Ms Beautiful |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"With regards to the message I’m just gonna say yeah I’m good thanks.
I am good. I feel fine. I don’t want to ignore him cos then I’m making it look like it’s an issue when it’s not, plus I have to see him around work. "
Just don't let him wheedle his way back in.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well done on ignoring him.
He had his chance. keep ignoring him unless you physically have to work with him on something. ignore any other advances he makes. its his loss |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"With regards to the message I’m just gonna say yeah I’m good thanks.
I am good. I feel fine. I don’t want to ignore him cos then I’m making it look like it’s an issue when it’s not, plus I have to see him around work.
Just don't let him wheedle his way back in.
"
Nope. Absolutely not. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t happy that he’s messaged. I am glad but only in a sense like, well you had your opportunity now it’s gone kind of way. |
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"Ahhh the booty call, mail etc!
I'll leave it for others to give you the advice you'd wanna read ...
Pride is strong with me and the taking the piss men ...
Not really a booty call cos we work nights and he was messaging to see if I was in work. I’m not making excuses but that was just a text to see if I was in the building. "
Why couldn’t he text you to say he wasn’t coming in Saturday? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ahhh the booty call, mail etc!
I'll leave it for others to give you the advice you'd wanna read ...
Pride is strong with me and the taking the piss men ...
Not really a booty call cos we work nights and he was messaging to see if I was in work. I’m not making excuses but that was just a text to see if I was in the building.
Why couldn’t he text you to say he wasn’t coming in Saturday? "
I don’t know and as I’m not interested in agreeing to meet him again I don’t really care what his excuse is. Whatever his reason was will feel justified to him. All I’m interested in is saving face at work cos I will see him around. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Reply "who is this?"
It'll freak him out that he thinks you've deleted his number!
I did that once when she came back after a month. Her response was brilliant. "
Spill the beans. Don't leave us with cliffhangers! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well done you for not rising to him!!!
He sounds like a sick and a classic player!!! He probably swerved from you because he’s embarrassed and can’t face you!
Looks to me like you’ve had a lucky escape!! |
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"Bad manners is the one thing that enrages me so if something like this happened to me I would have definitely boned the fucker about it face to face . "
In my world if I was getting boned we wouldn't be having a tete a tete |
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"Bad manners is the one thing that enrages me so if something like this happened to me I would have definitely boned the fucker about it face to face .
In my world if I was getting boned we wouldn't be having a tete a tete"
Geordie phrase |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Omg. I put his chat in archives on WhatsApp so don’t get the notification but just noticed he messaged me at 1:06 this morning saying hey are you in work then another one saying are you okay babes, heart eyes emoji x2!
Should I just ignore it and leave it on read or just say yeah I’m good thanks. But then leave it.
I wanna do the second option just so it doesn’t look like I’m pissed off or have any kind of issue cos I don’t.
I know everyone is saying ignore him, but after reading this I would have to have a word with him so he knows his behaviour is not acceptable.
If you don't cut him dead now, he might keep trying it on.
Sending late night texts with hearts tells me he thinks he's done no wrong, and might be trying it on again.
He sounds immature and I would speak to him. "
He hasn't even had the grace to at least wait until you *might* have forgotten that he failed to turn up.
Concentrate on the new baby waving.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I don’t know and as I’m not interested in agreeing to meet him again I don’t really care what his excuse is. Whatever his reason was will feel justified to him. All I’m interested in is saving face at work cos I will see him around. "
I don't know you well Annie and I normally don't comment much in forums but I treasure your openness it's very endearing.
My only little thought is we all have a certain amount of emotional energy, some people can add to our energy some can take it away and past experiences can deplete or top up our reservoir. If you are at a stage in your life where you want peace and positivity. Take the lead and show him that by putting him in his place not wasting much emotional energy on him and sending a fine no issues text and moving on.
He will more likely find it super attractive and hound you more but you know what you need and the energy you can afford to give. I think your present actions already have shown a mature understanding of that. I think you'll act well. I'm super pleased for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""I'm good. just so you know, I have a one strike rule. So you're officially in the friend zone. Probably shouldn't even be there, but hey, I'm a nice gal. See you around (hard not to eh?). Annie"
Teen behaviour. Passive Agressive. Narcissistic. Arrogant. Petty ..... The total opposite to what a person who outwardly demonstrates this behaviour is experiencing internally.
Just my thoughts on this advice. "
This. Sparkle’s advice to delete number and force him to ‘man up’ in person rather than hide behind emojis is the best advice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Omg. I put his chat in archives on WhatsApp so don’t get the notification but just noticed he messaged me at 1:06 this morning saying hey are you in work then another one saying are you okay babes, heart eyes emoji x2!
Should I just ignore it and leave it on read or just say yeah I’m good thanks. But then leave it.
I wanna do the second option just so it doesn’t look like I’m pissed off or have any kind of issue cos I don’t. "
You do get notifications from chats that have been archived. You only don’t get notifications if you mute them. |
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"Omg. I put his chat in archives on WhatsApp so don’t get the notification but just noticed he messaged me at 1:06 this morning saying hey are you in work then another one saying are you okay babes, heart eyes emoji x2!
Should I just ignore it and leave it on read or just say yeah I’m good thanks. But then leave it.
I wanna do the second option just so it doesn’t look like I’m pissed off or have any kind of issue cos I don’t.
You do get notifications from chats that have been archived. You only don’t get notifications if you mute them. "
It’s changed. Archived you don’t get any notifications |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Omg. I put his chat in archives on WhatsApp so don’t get the notification but just noticed he messaged me at 1:06 this morning saying hey are you in work then another one saying are you okay babes, heart eyes emoji x2!
Should I just ignore it and leave it on read or just say yeah I’m good thanks. But then leave it.
I wanna do the second option just so it doesn’t look like I’m pissed off or have any kind of issue cos I don’t.
You do get notifications from chats that have been archived. You only don’t get notifications if you mute them.
It’s changed. Archived you don’t get any notifications "
Oh yeah, I didn’t notice that they’ve changed that. Sorry Annie, I was wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Bye Annie, for now, we will miss you and your thought provoking / hilarious / controversial posts!
But we know you’ve left and returned many times before, as do the majority of people who leave on here, so we look forward to the smiles and the pics again when you feel it’s the right time for you to return!
See ya then! |
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» Add a new message to this topic
Whether he’s now a stereotypical polish guy is up for debate 
.
Good luck Annie, I enjoyed reading your posts.x
