FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Ladies - etiquette help needed
Ladies - etiquette help needed
Jump to: Newest in thread
At a vanilla party this weekend I was talking to a woman who seem to have no idea of personal space. As she talked to me I could quite distinctly feel her breasts pressing against my arm. I gently retreated slightly, but then she just advanced and assumed the same position, talking to me with her breasts pressed quite firmly against me. Now I’m not complaining at all, but is it possible she was genuinely unaware that she was rubbing her breasts on me? Should I have done anything different? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Why not say in the moment instead of putting up with it and moaning about it afterwards. Not a criticism just don’t understand if something was bothering you then you should just say there and then. I’d have been like this, O love stop rubbing your boobs on my arm is it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Ummmmmm I do this 
Not on purpose but literally because my boobs get to the conversation before I do, once they have backed off I do try to change positions but it's difficult and yes I am 100% straight but not always aware of my personal space Intrusions |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Why not say in the moment instead of putting up with it and moaning about it afterwards. Not a criticism just don’t understand if something was bothering you then you should just say there and then. I’d have been like this, O love stop rubbing your boobs on my arm is it. "
•
I don't think the OP is moaning about it. The OP is simply and informally asking for some advice. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Why not say in the moment instead of putting up with it and moaning about it afterwards. Not a criticism just don’t understand if something was bothering you then you should just say there and then. I’d have been like this, O love stop rubbing your boobs on my arm is it. "
I did say quite clearly I wasn't complaining. I just wanted some help from a female perspective, and to know if I was doing anything wrong by quietly enjoying it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Why not say in the moment instead of putting up with it and moaning about it afterwards. Not a criticism just don’t understand if something was bothering you then you should just say there and then. I’d have been like this, O love stop rubbing your boobs on my arm is it.
I did say quite clearly I wasn't complaining. I just wanted some help from a female perspective, and to know if I was doing anything wrong by quietly enjoying it."
Perhaps something like this when you do not mind it but when it also is an uncertain situation could be dealt with using gentle humour - something like why, thank you for warming my arm, it is cold today! Or something nice and humourous like that which acknowledges the situation in a funny way and gives a chance to make some kind of response and choice about it for both parties? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If a woman im chatting to is standing close enough that her boobs are smacking my arm - if i find her attractive i’ll see if its deliberate and that’s easy to tell from a million different other signals she will be giving off. If it is I may well flirt back and that should make it obvious on both sides. If it’s accidental that would be obvious once you change positions - it shouldn’t keep happening unless the room is jammed and she has no way of avoiding it. It’s quite difficult because if her boobs are that big she may be quite self conscious and the last thing she needs is attention drawn to them. If I was properly uncomfortable I’d make an excuse ( just going to grab a refill) and move away. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My hairdresser almosts rests her boobs on me as she works - she is pretty well endowed  - i don't read anything into it
Can I rest MY boobs on you?  "
You posted that on the wrong post!! You missed mine - but yes Im fine with that!!!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Honestly if I'm wearing a padded bra I can be oblivious to them touching things. She's definitely lacking self awareness though to not notice you had intentionally backed away a bit as boob touching distance does sound pretty close. Especially considering we should all be used to social distancing after the past couple of years. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Honestly, if I'm wearing sturdy scaffolding, especially if it's slightly padded, my boobs are in a separate postcode to the rest of me, and I can't always feel if they're brushing against something (especially after a couple of gins). I'd like to think I would be aware of someone stepping back, but it can be difficult to position sizeable breasticles without fully turning away from someone, which is a bit rude if you're having a conversation.
I tend to make a jokey apology about my boobs being in the way as bloody usual when it happens. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It can be hard to avoid sometimes. I’ve probably been guilty of it if I haven’t noticed. If it’s noisy and and I’m trying to hear what’s being said to me I’ll naturally come closer as I’m deaf as a post but I’d like to think I’d notice if someone was stepping back. I end up standing at a weird hunchback angle to avoid intruding in someone’s space |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If you made is obvious you weren’t comfortable and she kept going in pretty sure that falls under sexual harassment/assault. No one would be saying “lucky boy” if the genders were reversed
But she might have just been unaware. I think in situations like these it’s absolutely ok to give them a kind hint after you’ve already moved away first. Make it clear. Anything after that definitely falls into the mentioned categories and you should look to others for help and maybe consider leaving if they don’t want to. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
She may not have had any spatial awareness & was genuinely unaware she was that close to you. Many people who are on the autistic spectrum find this an issue for them - even if you create more space they may step into that not realising.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Maybe she assumed the same position just because it was busy at the party? and people were jostling people as you do when it’s busy … and so she just stood close again to carry on the conversation with you. So entirely innocent.
OP if she’d hugged you would you have felt awkward? Sometimes they’re just there in the middle minding their own business lol, can’t be helped if they get in the way … it’s just boobs … not like she had them out rubbing them on your arm  x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Maybe she assumed the same position just because it was busy at the party? and people were jostling people as you do when it’s busy … and so she just stood close again to carry on the conversation with you. So entirely innocent.
OP if she’d hugged you would you have felt awkward? Sometimes they’re just there in the middle minding their own business lol, can’t be helped if they get in the way … it’s just boobs … not like she had them out rubbing them on your arm x"
No I wouldn't have felt awkward at all. Don't get me wrong, I was secretly loving it to be honest, they were small to medium and she wasn't wearing a bra as I could quite clearly feel the nipples through my shirt.
I just didn't want to have any possibility that someone could accuse me of being 'inappropriate'. She was obviously a bit d*unk, there was plenty of room so I stepped back to be sure that there was no question I was pushing myself onto her. When she advance again I just thought 'sod it, this is quite nice' and carried on the conversation (a very mundane one about financial markets). |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
.
x