FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Do you get disheartened?
Do you get disheartened?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Do you get disheartened by the sheer amount of rubbish you read on here? Profiles that say next to nothing, same for messages and the ever famous pics attached, speaking to someone who won't show their face but demands yours etc.
Guys I really want to know what it's like for you? Though you may get less messages, are they better and more engaging?
What's a turn off for the guys on here?
PS this is not a shaming thread or a case of which gender is better or anything else negative. |
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So what I get disheartened about is when I spend time sending a message to a lady and they read it but don’t reply. I’d rather they just say “sorry not for me” or “your not what I’m looking for but good luck” rather than no reply. Is this just me?? |
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Never tend to get messages out of thd blue...send out the occasional wink, if I get a wink or a look back, then a polite 1st message Is sent out .
Couldn't comment on success rate...low but have a few friends here to chat to in the least.
As to the other points you make, it does grate occasionally when some profiles state , read before messaging, then they start chatting to you only to clearly not have read yours . |
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By *al kalMan
over a year ago
london |
"So what I get disheartened about is when I spend time sending a message to a lady and they read it but don’t reply. I’d rather they just say “sorry not for me” or “your not what I’m looking for but good luck” rather than no reply. Is this just me?? "
I'm presuming a lady could get 100's of messages a day, depending. So even a kind reply is hard to implement practically. Sometimes it could be the case they are thinking about it and/or perhaps don't want to immediately engage and swamp themselves with new conversation. And then get swamped with more mails and then your gets lost... and the cycle repeats. If you send a few reminders, might come across as spamming and further put off your chances...
Thinking out loud if I was in the other driver seat!
I prefer, rather than no reply if they purely delete my message.. less awkward.
Try not to overthink it... easier said. |
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"I’ll get disheartened as a guy in here and I think you know what I mean fellas. It’s tough and it hurts sometimes. What can I do. It’s like waiting for a bus that never comes "
very correct, but I don't get disheartened,I just believe some are choosing the wrong ones ...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a single woman on here with pictures and a profile I’ve put some effort into I get a little disheartened from the amount of messages I get from men saying great pics, great profile and yet there’s just has a cock pic and a one line bio  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ll get disheartened as a guy in here and I think you know what I mean fellas. It’s tough and it hurts sometimes. What can I do. It’s like waiting for a bus that never comes "
Why wait for a bus you know will never come?
Me i just get walking and if i meet a pretty lady along the way and i catch her eye, then stopping for a coffee and seeing where it goes is a bonus
It used to dishearten me, even more so when i wouldnt even get a second look out in the real world, but i dont give a fuck now. Im not competing with all the other guys here. Im here to be me, and if someone likes me then thats great |
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By *al kalMan
over a year ago
london |
"As a single woman on here with pictures and a profile I’ve put some effort into I get a little disheartened from the amount of messages I get from men saying great pics, great profile and yet there’s just has a cock pic and a one line bio "
I'll stop sending those  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a single woman on here with pictures and a profile I’ve put some effort into I get a little disheartened from the amount of messages I get from men saying great pics, great profile and yet there’s just has a cock pic and a one line bio
I'll stop sending those "
Thanks  |
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By *al kalMan
over a year ago
london |
"As a single woman on here with pictures and a profile I’ve put some effort into I get a little disheartened from the amount of messages I get from men saying great pics, great profile and yet there’s just has a cock pic and a one line bio
I'll stop sending those
Thanks "
Will stop after this batch of 25 old habbits. feel free to delete 1 by 1 or in a batch too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think its easier on here if you just accept there are alot of seriously fucked up, slightly fucked up and just fucking annoying people on here.
Dont focus on them and let the decent interactions inspire you instead of the bad ones dishearten you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So what I get disheartened about is when I spend time sending a message to a lady and they read it but don’t reply. I’d rather they just say “sorry not for me” or “your not what I’m looking for but good luck” rather than no reply. Is this just me?? "
It’s just you.
It’s in the site FAQ’s take a no reply as not interested. |
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It very disheartening when women get 100s of messages a day from weird perverts and the honest nice blokes gets lost in the crowds personally iv sent many a message and never get a lookin... Or reply.
The ladies on here have total power over men and some of them know it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think guys have it the other way round. Try really hard but don't feel they're noticed maybe?
If it were a music video you would be wading through the throngs of the wrong kind of attention searching for someone to see the real you and not just some sex toy, the chap would be shouting at the crowd without anyone actually noticing him. All the while you are stood inches away back to back.
Like a Pink video!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just tip toe through the tulips, singing songs and telling jokes, hoping that one day my princess will come. Hopefully all over my face  "
Spat my fuckin tea out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It very disheartening when women get 100s of messages a day from weird perverts and the honest nice blokes gets lost in the crowds personally iv sent many a message and never get a lookin... Or reply.
The ladies on here have total power over men and some of them know it.
"
Power can not be taken unless it is given in the first place |
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By *al kalMan
over a year ago
london |
"
The ladies on here have total power over men and some of them know it.
Do you really believe that? Ever thought that some woman don't want that?
"
Some perhaps, but who doesn't love a bit of a power trip? |
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By *al kalMan
over a year ago
london |
"It very disheartening when women get 100s of messages a day from weird perverts and the honest nice blokes gets lost in the crowds personally iv sent many a message and never get a lookin... Or reply.
The ladies on here have total power over men and some of them know it.
Power can not be taken unless it is given in the first place "
And with great power come great responsibility...innit! |
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Not really, I tend to cluck with most people through the forums anyway. It's easier to get a feel for them as a person than from a few lines on a profile. And honestly I think I've been approached by others more than I've ever done the approaching  
LvM |
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"
The ladies on here have total power over men and some of them know it.
Do you really believe that? Ever thought that some woman don't want that?
"
I mean they have 1000s of men to choose from, when men have maybe less than a 100 in there area...
So ladies have the choice to be very very picky.... |
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"Yes I feel quite disheartened by the time wasting. Messaging for weeks when I wasn't told the truth in the first place. Multiple men. "
It's just not getting a reply off anyone that does it when you send a polite message |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
The ladies on here have total power over men and some of them know it.
Do you really believe that? Ever thought that some woman don't want that?
"
No one has power over me. I don't want power over anyone else, too much responsibility and I spend too much time dreaming. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes I feel quite disheartened by the time wasting. Messaging for weeks when I wasn't told the truth in the first place. Multiple men.
It's just not getting a reply off anyone that does it when you send a polite message "
See!! You two wanna be in a music vid? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just tip toe through the tulips, singing songs and telling jokes, hoping that one day my princess will come. Hopefully all over my face
Spat my fuckin tea out
My apologies! "
Worth it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think its easier on here if you just accept there are alot of seriously fucked up, slightly fucked up and just fucking annoying people on here.
Dont focus on them and let the decent interactions inspire you instead of the bad ones dishearten you "
Agreed  |
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"Do you get disheartened by the sheer amount of rubbish you read on here? Profiles that say next to nothing, same for messages and the ever famous pics attached, speaking to someone who won't show their face but demands yours etc.
Guys I really want to know what it's like for you? Though you may get less messages, are they better and more engaging?
What's a turn off for the guys on here?
PS this is not a shaming thread or a case of which gender is better or anything else negative. "
God yeah, if it's not being ignored, it's "send face pics or no chat" but they "don't send face pics" I mean come on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
The ladies on here have total power over men and some of them know it.
Do you really believe that? Ever thought that some woman don't want that?
No one has power over me. I don't want power over anyone else, too much responsibility and I spend too much time dreaming. "
Fair enough. I quite like a certain person having power over me in the right situation  each to their own. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes I feel quite disheartened by the time wasting. Messaging for weeks when I wasn't told the truth in the first place. Multiple men.
It's just not getting a reply off anyone that does it when you send a polite message
See!! You two wanna be in a music vid?"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to. Now I try to just look at it pragmatically it's just words and pictures of people I don't know on the Internet just like social media. So I try not to let it have any massive impact on my life it doesn't change who we are as people or our worth.
Hopefully that didn't sound negative I guess I'm trying to say people can get over invested in this site |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The classic I won't talk to anyone who messages me without a clear face pic on your profile, then you look at their profile and nope not one single pic of thier face, cracks me up everytime |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes I feel quite disheartened by the time wasting. Messaging for weeks when I wasn't told the truth in the first place. Multiple men.
It's just not getting a reply off anyone that does it when you send a polite message "
Why did you quote my message - not remotely relevant? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
The ladies on here have total power over men and some of them know it.
Do you really believe that? Ever thought that some woman don't want that?
No one has power over me. I don't want power over anyone else, too much responsibility and I spend too much time dreaming.
Fair enough. I quite like a certain person having power over me in the right situation each to their own. "
Well now, that's a different thing altogether  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
The ladies on here have total power over men and some of them know it.
Do you really believe that? Ever thought that some woman don't want that?
No one has power over me. I don't want power over anyone else, too much responsibility and I spend too much time dreaming.
Fair enough. I quite like a certain person having power over me in the right situation each to their own. "
Just tried to contact you but too young lol
Will you meet me in two years x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get disheartened when a woman or couple shows interest in me by winking or messaging and the proceed to send a series of one word or sentence messages expecting me to carry the conversation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
The ladies on here have total power over men and some of them know it.
Do you really believe that? Ever thought that some woman don't want that?
No one has power over me. I don't want power over anyone else, too much responsibility and I spend too much time dreaming.
Fair enough. I quite like a certain person having power over me in the right situation each to their own.
Just tried to contact you but too young lol
Will you meet me in two years x "
Me?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
The ladies on here have total power over men and some of them know it.
Do you really believe that? Ever thought that some woman don't want that?
No one has power over me. I don't want power over anyone else, too much responsibility and I spend too much time dreaming.
Fair enough. I quite like a certain person having power over me in the right situation each to their own.
Just tried to contact you but too young lol
Will you meet me in two years x
Me? "
Yep x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get disheartened when a woman or couple shows interest in me by winking or messaging and the proceed to send a series of one word or sentence messages expecting me to carry the conversation "
It is pretty crappy when people do that. "How are you today" x 5. |
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I don't really get unsolicited local people emails.
Most of my inbox interactions come from people I've clicked with in the forum and they are obviously the cool kids so their messages are excellent.
I could possibly do with some more unsolicited vag or boob pics but can't have everything. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
The ladies on here have total power over men and some of them know it.
Do you really believe that? Ever thought that some woman don't want that?
No one has power over me. I don't want power over anyone else, too much responsibility and I spend too much time dreaming.
Fair enough. I quite like a certain person having power over me in the right situation each to their own.
Just tried to contact you but too young lol
Will you meet me in two years x
Me?
Yep x"
Pm'd you |
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I don’t let the messages get me down, can normally tell from the first line that it doesn’t need opening and gets deleted.
The only frustration I have, is I don’t have the free time to do what I want to do. |
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On the whole it doesn't bother me because I've become acclimatised.
The majority of speculative messages that I receive from women are lacklustre, monosyllabic and the conversation is usually one-sided.
Ironically - from experience - the most articulate and savvy profiles are the ones who in reality are unable to hold a conversation... 
I only persevere for the few truly amazing women on here. That's the redeeming feature on Fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The classic I won't talk to anyone who messages me without a clear face pic on your profile, then you look at their profile and nope not one single pic of thier face, cracks me up everytime "
Why should they have face pics on their profile?
It’s a very different thing, public face pics, to messaging a face pic. |
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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago
Craggy Island |
From the few messages from the lovely ladies I have been lucky to receive I will cherish everyone, that the lady at least took her time and gave me a brief minute of her company and if life makes us pass each other I can walk by say hello and know at least one person knows me. |
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I don't get disheartened.
I haven't sent a first contact message since early 2020 and every conversation since has been initiated by others.
Those conversations have been evenly split between those who have read my profile and are happy to chat and those who think my profile is all lip service.
The latter tend to operate on a tap and run basis because they believe I will run after them. Apparently it's all about the chase.
I don't chase or hunt and will only speak to those who see me as an equal rather than a talking penis.
In other words I'm doing fab my way and I dictate the pace so I can't be disheartened. |
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I've had all sorts from the nice surprise messages to ones that had as little as one word.
As for what puts me off, lack of effort, no photos, just assuming because I'm talking it means I want to sleep with them, those looking for creampies to name a few |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get disheartened when a woman or couple shows interest in me by winking or messaging and the proceed to send a series of one word or sentence messages expecting me to carry the conversation
It is pretty crappy when people do that. "How are you today" x 5. "
Yeah, I imagine the questions can get repetitive as well, perhaps that contributes to the fairly short replies |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"
Guys I really want to know what it's like for you? Though you may get less messages, are they better and more engaging?
What's a turn off for the guys on here?. "
Mostly yes,, it is usually very polite ,,well written and direct to the point.
What turns me off is profiles and attitudes where they have obviously become cynical and fed up and generalise men , huge lists of rules etc. I think why not just switch messages off if it’s that bad and go hunt for the good ones , because any one who reads that kind of profile and messages must be pretty desperate fir sex , so they are still going to attract the same kind of people they are angry with |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On the whole it doesn't bother me because I've become acclimatised.
The majority of speculative messages that I receive from women are lacklustre, monosyllabic and the conversation is usually one-sided.
Ironically - from experience - the most articulate and savvy profiles are the ones who in reality are unable to hold a conversation...
I only persevere for the few truly amazing women on here. That's the redeeming feature on Fab. "
I must admit. I write few messages to men here. If I were a man on Fab, I wouldn't get any dates because I just wouldn't ask. It's interesting hearing it from men's perspective. |
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"Not at all. It’s all BS until it happens. That thought keeps me sane on here. Lol. "
Yep, pretty much how I see it too!
I go through phases where the site bores me more than it entertains, so I hide my profile until I'm in a better frame of mind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What really bugs me is seeing all the status saying "want to meet up" " gagging for fun" etc etc so you drop a message saying your available and nothing then a few hours later the status has changed to " Is there no one available tonight?" |
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"As a single woman on here with pictures and a profile I’ve put some effort into I get a little disheartened from the amount of messages I get from men saying great pics, great profile and yet there’s just has a cock pic and a one line bio "
This |
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"Do you get disheartened by the sheer amount of rubbish you read on here? Profiles that say next to nothing, same for messages and the ever famous pics attached, speaking to someone who won't show their face but demands yours etc.
Guys I really want to know what it's like for you? Though you may get less messages, are they better and more engaging?
What's a turn off for the guys on here?
PS this is not a shaming thread or a case of which gender is better or anything else negative. "
Yes, we get far less messages. I can honestly say, in the 9 years I’ve been using Fab, I’ve never had to put my profile on hide to stop my inbox imploding!
Are messages from women “better and more engaging”? Er no, not as a rule! Usually no more than 4 or 5 words, and very often, the one which really does wear the ‘disheartening’ tag, the ubiquitous reply of “Lol x” Instant turn-off for me ladies……..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What really bugs me is seeing all the status saying "want to meet up" " gagging for fun" etc etc so you drop a message saying your available and nothing then a few hours later the status has changed to " Is there no one available tonight?""
Well honey, just because someone is in the mood for meeting etc means they will meet just anybody. They still have their preferences. This is not first come, first served. |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
"So what I get disheartened about is when I spend time sending a message to a lady and they read it but don’t reply. I’d rather they just say “sorry not for me” or “your not what I’m looking for but good luck” rather than no reply. Is this just me?? "
I do send these kind of messages and occasionally I just get abusive messages in return. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Guys I really want to know what it's like for you? Though you may get less messages, are they better and more engaging?
What's a turn off for the guys on here?.
Mostly yes,, it is usually very polite ,,well written and direct to the point.
What turns me off is profiles and attitudes where they have obviously become cynical and fed up and generalise men , huge lists of rules etc. I think why not just switch messages off if it’s that bad and go hunt for the good ones , because any one who reads that kind of profile and messages must be pretty desperate fir sex , so they are still going to attract the same kind of people they are angry with "
I felt like that after a week here! And my profile was very negative then - I imagine lots of women do go through that stage where they're so frustrated they write negatively. But it's counter-productive. |
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My inbox is well managed and therefore frustrations and annoyance is minimal.
Some of the things I read on the forums make me wish I made better use of the private notes function but I often can’t click out of the thread quick enough |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Those things don't bother me as much as I used to. I let them pass through me and I move on to people who can be arsed to put an effort rather than just take, take and take.
Simple delete or block solves a lot. Sometimes though I wish i had a brain eraser |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always read profiles.
Don’t message if I’m outside of their requirements.
Try to send witty or decent messages. More often than not I get no reply. Which is frustrating but fine.
Messages I receive 99%are from guys,?
90% of them are one word or simply ‘ nice cock’ or ‘hi how r u!’
Most of them get a one word answer 
So in answer to your question op, it’s hard being on here as a man, you just have to keep our expectations very low if you are not built like a Greek god with a 10” cock, or if you are not looking for another guy! |
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"I get disheartened when a woman or couple shows interest in me by winking or messaging and the proceed to send a series of one word or sentence messages expecting me to carry the conversation "
Love this. Without a capital letter or full stops. Lol. |
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It’s got to be the terrible chat that some people offer, one word answers “lol” “haha” - some seriously terrible attempts at conversations. Rather they didn’t reply to be fair , oh and the ones when your vibing chatting etc then they just stop replying lol. The trick is not to take this site to seriously or to heart |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t read profiles and rarely get new messages as my profile is set up so it flys below the radar of 95% of the site.
I’m truly enthused by my fab experience and I’d recommend my approach to everyone.
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The one word responses in conversations. The never asking a question to keep the conversation moving.
They are annoying.
Also the guys that send a ‘you’ve got a fantastic profile and pics, I really feel we could be a match’
Then just have a dick pic and no profile blurb 
You don’t need to be Shakespeare or David Bailey but as we’ve made an effort then at least some effort should be made by you please
K |
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"Do you get disheartened by the sheer amount of rubbish you read on here? Profiles that say next to nothing, same for messages and the ever famous pics attached, speaking to someone who won't show their face but demands yours etc.
Guys I really want to know what it's like for you? Though you may get less messages, are they better and more engaging?
What's a turn off for the guys on here?
PS this is not a shaming thread or a case of which gender is better or anything else negative. "
You must have read mine, it’s as helpful as string bang for keeping rice in.
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"The one word responses in conversations. The never asking a question to keep the conversation moving.
They are annoying.
Also the guys that send a ‘you’ve got a fantastic profile and pics, I really feel we could be a match’
Then just have a dick pic and no profile blurb
You don’t need to be Shakespeare or David Bailey but as we’ve made an effort then at least some effort should be made by you please
K"
I’ve sent you my knob & ‘Hi!’ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmmm, generally I'm positive on most things on here, I'm realistic on how much of the right kind of attention I might get, and I don't get annoyed when I get knocked back or ignored. The only behaviour that makes me grump a bit are people who stop chatting without any indication why, so you might exchange 7 or 8 messages, think you are starting to get a feel and then you are left on unread forever - This isn't the same as people not replying all. That's no different to normal dating sites tbh, and also I expect it, but it still grinds my gears a bit
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you get disheartened by the sheer amount of rubbish you read on here? Profiles that say next to nothing, same for messages and the ever famous pics attached, speaking to someone who won't show their face but demands yours etc.
Guys I really want to know what it's like for you? Though you may get less messages, are they better and more engaging?
What's a turn off for the guys on here?
PS this is not a shaming thread or a case of which gender is better or anything else negative.
You must have read mine, it’s as helpful as string bang for keeping rice in.
"
It’s very funny though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get a little disheartened, with regards how many gay guys contact me when I can't change my sexual orientation and when i state that I'm straight on my profile. I suppose I should take it as a compliment, but I can't suddenly flick a switch and become gay, so it's a little annoying.
Sometimes I wish i could flick a switch as described, because I think I'd do really well on here |
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