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Losing confidence during weight loss

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So I've posted a lot on these forums about my attempts to lose weight over these past 18 months or so... As lockdown came to an end this summer I had managed to lose 5 stone. Unfortunately as life went back to normal I found it increasingly difficult to keep up my new healthy habits and ended up in periods of either gaining or maintaining. Over the past 2 months I've got my diet locked back down and have started working out with a trainer and am happy to say I'm back at 5 stone down (and counting).

It sounds weird to say but I feel like I was way more confident when I was 5st heavier? I feel like I'm so much more aware of myself now, and with every bit of me that is changing for the better I'm spotting other bits that depress the fuck out of me - it's like playing whack-a-mole with my body. Clothes that I used to happily wear and feel confident in 2 dress sizes ago seem to look tighter now. Leaving the house is actually such a chore at the moment because I'm changing my outfit at least 4/5 times before I can settle on something I feel halfway decent in - and there have been times I've come close to cancelling plans because of how self conscious I feel.

I also feel frustrated by the pace of my weight loss. Thankfully I keep a record of all my measurements because there are times when I feel like I've made no progress whatsoever. But I know I'm getting stronger because I'm regularly hitting PBs and people are starting to notice my body is changing. I was out at dinner with a friend last night and she randomly pointed out that my shoulders look way narrower. I double checked the app I use to track and saw that actually, yeah, I've lost 14cm off my shoulders since the start of October.

Overall (and the actual point of this post), I think it's just jarring to feel worse in my own skin than I ever have, even though I'm technically looking and feeling better.

I always see these success stories where people talk about how good they started feeling even at the start of their "journeys", and I keep waiting for that to happen to me. I know there are people on here who have lost large amounts of weight or have transformed their bodies. If you don't mind me asking - is it normal for it to feel this sucky?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Aww hugs body dysmorphia Is a real thing

Maybe your mind hasn’t changed yet

As by the sounds off it you spent a long time being unhappy with parts off you and hugs it can be hard

That now that your not unhappy with them you minds subconsciously finding other parts off you to not like

Not saying this is what’s happening just spit balling thoughts out there

But sending hugs amber and keep up the good work your doing fantastic by the sounds off it

But if you want to stop then stop what makes you happy should be the main gole

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe it is an adjustment and you need time to get used to your new ‘you’. But keep it up you’ve achieved so much and having a healthier balance has hot to be a good thing long term. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Firstly, congratulations! That's not easy so bloody well done!

I've been thinking a similar thing though. I haven't been actively trying to lose weight but I've been so busy and not eating much so it's been happening a bit anyway. And I feel like it just looks like I've been deflated a bit! I've always hated having big boobs and that's primarily where I'm losing it from it seems, so I should be happy, but I actually think I preferred them fuller now. I feel like I should try stop any more loss as I'd rather be chunky but in proportion than go saggy everywhere and I think that's how my body would respond. I don't think I'm supposed to be slim, so I don't know what the results would look like if I lost big amounts.

That said, people who've lost a fair amount always seem to say there's a transition period where they can't see it themselves, and can't get used to their new body. I think that's normal. You're clearly beautiful so I'm sure you're looking amazing x

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman over a year ago

all loved up

I have exactly the same issues. When I lose weight my confidence goes with it. For me however I am aware of the reasons why. It also makes it hard for me to lose the weight as I know the negative impact it will have on my social and mental wellbeing x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Wow! Well done. I've recently plateaued between 3 and 3.5 stone loss so know how challenging, rewarding and frustrating it can feel. I look forward to the days I break 3.5 stone and 5 stone.

I have more confidence now because clothes fit better in smaller sizes. But I don't think I looked good heavier in similar styles. Have you thought about some styling changes?

Keep up the good work x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Losing weight can be so hard. But don't just focus on looks and achieving the shape you want.

The reality is your overall health will almost always benefit from weight loss and exercise. Heart, joints etc will love you for your efforts.

Keep it going. Don't rush it and be proud of your achievements.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is it that you feel more noticed now, and are uncomfortable with the attention you’re receiving?

Some people are genuinely happier when they’re bigger.

I am losing weight too, and can relate to the whack-a-mole comment! I look a lot better in clothes, but I’m not very toned, so my body looks a bit like a melted candle!

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By *ewrocksWoman over a year ago

button moon

Well you wrote this much better than I could have, but yup! I lost 7 stone in about 18 months. My boobs shrunk, my arse went flat, I don't feel I can loose any more without my skin going weird. I had to do it to for my health and to be able to keep up with young offspring, but I was more confident with the fat body I was used to.

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

Anyone losing weight on a diet is doing well ..it takes great self discipline to achieve success

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So I've posted a lot on these forums about my attempts to lose weight over these past 18 months or so... As lockdown came to an end this summer I had managed to lose 5 stone. Unfortunately as life went back to normal I found it increasingly difficult to keep up my new healthy habits and ended up in periods of either gaining or maintaining. Over the past 2 months I've got my diet locked back down and have started working out with a trainer and am happy to say I'm back at 5 stone down (and counting).

Overall (and the actual point of this post), I think it's just jarring to feel worse in my own skin than I ever have, even though I'm technically looking and feeling better.

Non sexually, I’d be happy to be an ear or give any fitness advice if you’d like it.

I’m working my way back to my normal weight of 200 lbs from 250 rn… hopefully, I’m there by swimsuit season.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My offer goes out to anyone who needs it, male or female

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

Not quite as much as you but I've lost about 3 stone and it does take time for your brain to catch up. I often find myself feeling like I look no different and getting depressed that I've worked so hard "for nothing". I've found that my brain does eventually readjust to being aware of my new size. Progress pictures also help.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Wow, that’s an amazing amount of weight loss! That takes some work.

It sounds like it is based on your expectations of what it should be like, rather than what it is? Could you reframe it as you go along?

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I agree with Santaslittlehelper (such a strange thing to type

)

I lost a fair chunk of weight a few years ago and there’s the expectation of how you will look and feel against the reality of it.

There will always be parts of your body that you’re not happy with, it’s the same for any body shape but it’s also about the pressure that you put on yourself and that you feel from others.

You’ve lost the weight which is fantastic, now it’s about accepting the new you and learning to love your body. Liking what you see *now* and letting go of the old mental image, that takes time and is a different process.

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

Losing a significant amount of weight is incredibly hard work for most I would think.

I lost over 7 stone back in 2001 and sort of resented my body at the time that I had to work so so hard to lose that weight. I was eating poorly and exercising hard every day (was a distraction from my life at that time) I was never someone who the weight “fell off” and it just seemed so much harder and more of a slog.

So yes, it can take awhile for you to kind of accept that this is how things are going forward and to just bloody enjoy the benefits of being slimmer and healthier.

I put the weight back on, and I think most folk yo yo a bit till they find that right spot for them that works in maintaining their food/exercise balance. I think it’s normal, it’s a new way of living and I think a lot of celebs and lifestyle magazines make the whole weight loss thing seem so achievable without showing the slog that goes into it all and the difficult of maintaining it until your mind catches up the rest of you.

Sorry, a long rambling waffle there….

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By *opsy RogersWoman over a year ago

London

I lost eight stones 14 years ago and have maintained that (give and take) ever since.

My overall feeling is 'smug' not only because I love the way I look but because I've turned my health around. I went though exactly what you are and I think it's down to how others now percieve you.

At work, I got massively different reactions from everybody.

Some rejoiced with me once they realised I'd changed my life, others were jealous, particularly the naturally slim ones who would declare how well I was looking whilst turning up their nose. There were those who chose not to notice at all and others who now treated me as if I were somehow more useful/intelligent/beautiful and it's all a very new way of finding yourself brand new in the space you've always occupied.

It may feel alien for quite a while but one day you'll catch a reflection of someone you don't recognise and realise it's you and when that happens rejoice the fuck out of it!!!

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By *opsy RogersWoman over a year ago

London

Ps, there's a cracking saying that may be helpful for you and that is 'you can't outrun a bad diet'.

So many people rely on exercise as a weight loss goal but it rarely works so it's really good to see you think about what you eat.

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

Could it possibly be that when you were bigger there was a feeling of “well I’m big, so who cares”. Almost like a confidence you get by giving up.

Now that your losing, that “given up confidence” is fading.

Like when someone always just wears whatever cloths and don’t care, until they actually try to start dressing better, suddenly it becomes impossible to find the right outfit

Or in school when you don’t study for a test so you don’t care if you fail, but when you do study suddenly the pressure of not doing well becomes too much.

Whatever it is, I wouldn’t give up. I know it’s making things harder, but the pay off is gonna be worth it

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By *oolkoupleCouple over a year ago

Cheshire

Completely normal to go through phases with your body and how you feel about it.

Try to focus on what your body can do rather than only what it looks like. It's great that you have logged everything, but as you have seen simple cms lost doesn't equals happiness, so look for some other positives such as the strength, mobility and energy you have gained.

You don't always have to love your body. I believe body acceptance is more helpful than body positivity.

As for clothes, sounds like it's time for some new/secondhand ones, or altering what you have. In addition, try to "make" your outfits through shoes, bags or accessories and let them be the things you feel good about.

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By *hrista BellendWoman over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Think about the time it took to get bigger compared to the time it took the loose the weight, you will find a massive difference and your mind goes into unrest as your body is in a state of flux.

As long as you remember that your body is not going to look how it did before the weight gain, then small steps to acceptance of your new body shape can take place

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

You are amazing Amber.

Do not stop being an inspiration to others.

Please remember, it is when we feel that we cannot go on that we must persevere.

The difficult phase is temporary

Continuing when it is mentally and physically easier - will come again.

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By *essie.Woman over a year ago

Serendipity

You are doing fantastically well Amber. Last year I attended a hospital group about losing weight and it was a lot about getting your head around it. I recall the leaders saying that when you lose a lot of weight, it can take a while for your mind to catch up with where your body is at. Have you looked online for forums , as I expect there are some for people in a similar situation. It might help.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well done OP. Making changes in any aspect in life is hard and even harder to maintain until it becomes a habit.

Your thoughts and feelings are what a lot of people experience. You aren’t alone with them.

Any changes that we make take us out of our comfort zone. What you are experiencing is exactly that and it should be welcomed. Use it as a daily reminder that you are changing, your body is changing, your mind is changing.

These are all positive things.

If you need some motivation to keep going then remember your reason why you started in the first place, visualise where you want to get to and embrace the fact that for a while your mind is going to be telling you lots of things that you probably don’t want to hear because all it wants to do is to go back to that comfortable place again.

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By *not123Couple over a year ago

sp1

Well done with 5 stone loss wish I could get 2 off I'd be happier, I'm body conscious but struggle with weight loss especially now doing 12 hour shifts abd driving an hour an half there an back struggling to find any time to excercise. Very body conscious on meets with p i feel compfortable naked he doesn't make me feel like a fatty,but still.would love to loose.weight look sexy in lingerie for him

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

It is normal to feel a bit sucky about your new body Amber, it really is. That time will happen when it clicks and you realise and accept that's your new body with pride. You should be proud of what you've achieved, it's incredible, it really is.

You've seen the old photos of me at a size 30 - in a weird way I was more comfortable than than I am now. More confident. I didn't care because I had a fuck it approach and accepted I was very fat. Now, several sizes down I'm in a similar position to you - I'm more aware of my body, of my tummy that doesn't just form a shelf with my boobs, the fact I'm top heavy. I tend to wear long cardigans allll the time to hide my curves because I think a part of me is still coming to terms with it and feels uncomfortable with people looking at me.

You'll find that confidence you deserve to have soon Amber - definitely treat yourself to new clothes (whether new or secondhand) in the interim and look forward to occupying that new space you've worked so hard to achieve.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Could it possibly be that when you were bigger there was a feeling of “well I’m big, so who cares”. Almost like a confidence you get by giving up.

Now that your losing, that “given up confidence” is fading.

Like when someone always just wears whatever cloths and don’t care, until they actually try to start dressing better, suddenly it becomes impossible to find the right outfit

Or in school when you don’t study for a test so you don’t care if you fail, but when you do study suddenly the pressure of not doing well becomes too much.

Whatever it is, I wouldn’t give up. I know it’s making things harder, but the pay off is gonna be worth it "

I agree with this. I'm invisible when fat. People don't comment on what I'm wearing.

When I lost weight they'd witter on about how much better I looked. Uggghhh thanks???

OP you inspire me. You can stay at your current size if you are happy now. It took me a few years to 'realise' I was a smaller size. And same now I'm bigger.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sounds like you did amazing to lose the weight in the first place and to me, recognising that you started to get into bad habits and put on weight again early and reversing that trend is even more impressive!

Give yourself time to get used to your new body and keep doing what makes you feel better for you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Confidence is a bugger.

I think being overweight can offer some protection, not so much feeling more confident but I'm as large as iv ever been now and sometimes I just look and think fuck it. I'm no more confident, I just give up caring and feel it's pointless me even trying.

The fact you are losing weight shows you do care so confidence will play a part.

You look amazing in your pics and I know you will look amazing as you are now but at the end of the day confidence isn't about how you look, it's how you feel.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Aww hugs body dysmorphia Is a real thing

Maybe your mind hasn’t changed yet

As by the sounds off it you spent a long time being unhappy with parts off you and hugs it can be hard

That now that your not unhappy with them you minds subconsciously finding other parts off you to not like

Not saying this is what’s happening just spit balling thoughts out there

But sending hugs amber and keep up the good work your doing fantastic by the sounds off it

But if you want to stop then stop what makes you happy should be the main gole

Thank you Natalie x

I don't think it's dysmorphia as I'm not seeing myself bigger than I am. Tbh I'm not happy but I definitely won't be if I stop and go back to how I was either

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Maybe it is an adjustment and you need time to get used to your new ‘you’. But keep it up you’ve achieved so much and having a healthier balance has hot to be a good thing long term. Good luck

Thank you xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Firstly, congratulations! That's not easy so bloody well done!

Thank you! Yeah loose skin scares the shit out of me. I can see it starting in certain places and have already resigned myself to the fact I'll probably be paying for removal surgery. Hopefully the training I'm doing will help a bit though.

For what it's worth I think you look great

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Hi

Oh I'm sorry to hear that

yeah as much as people say that "eat less, move more" is all there is to it (and fundamentally I agree), the mental side of it can be fucking soul-destroying.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Wow! Well done. I've recently plateaued between 3 and 3.5 stone loss so know how challenging, rewarding and frustrating it can feel. I look forward to the days I break 3.5 stone and 5 stone.

I have more confidence now because clothes fit better in smaller sizes. But I don't think I looked good heavier in similar styles. Have you thought about some styling changes?

Keep up the good work x"

3.5st is amazing, well done!

No, I'm happy with my style tbh. I try hard to stay trendy (which is hard when you're plus sized!) and often get complimented on my clothing. I think it might just be that I'm losing at different rates from different body parts. Like, my stomach seems to stick out more but that might be because my boobs and hips are now proportionally smaller? I've also noticed my knees looking slimmer but that seems to have created a kind of disproportionate "fat pocket" at the bottom of my thighs. My body is fucked up right now basically

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Losing weight can be so hard. But don't just focus on looks and achieving the shape you want.

The reality is your overall health will almost always benefit from weight loss and exercise. Heart, joints etc will love you for your efforts.

Keep it going. Don't rush it and be proud of your achievements. "

Thank you

yeah I definitely feel stronger and have way more stamina. Can actually keep up with my friends now

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't want to repeat what those have said before.....

Would buying different clothes help, trying other styles etc?

Sorry if this is naff, just wanted to see it from another direction.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think its mostly down to adjusting to your new body, its new for you and your brain is having trouble trying to process it as you were confident with your body before losing weight

For some ppl small changes can be a big boost to their confidence, for others even big changes can take time to process and feel positive about it

It might help to shift your focus on other factors that are improving, try to focus on your overall fitness, those improvements can provide the positivity you need to keep going, and then the rest will come too over time

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Aww hugs body dysmorphia Is a real thing

Maybe your mind hasn’t changed yet

As by the sounds off it you spent a long time being unhappy with parts off you and hugs it can be hard

That now that your not unhappy with them you minds subconsciously finding other parts off you to not like

Not saying this is what’s happening just spit balling thoughts out there

But sending hugs amber and keep up the good work your doing fantastic by the sounds off it

But if you want to stop then stop what makes you happy should be the main gole

Thank you Natalie x

I don't think it's dysmorphia as I'm not seeing myself bigger than I am. Tbh I'm not happy but I definitely won't be if I stop and go back to how I was either

Your welcome anytime x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Is it that you feel more noticed now, and are uncomfortable with the attention you’re receiving?

Some people are genuinely happier when they’re bigger.

I am losing weight too, and can relate to the whack-a-mole comment! I look a lot better in clothes, but I’m not very toned, so my body looks a bit like a melted candle!

Tbh I know you might not think it but I've always gotten loads of attention, both on here and in real life. I usually (before all this anyway) have a funny, confident personality and my face is alright so I guess that offsets a lot of the body issues. What I have noticed now is that I'm uncomfortable with attention. The things that guys pick out about me as being attractive are the things I hate about myself these days and it pisses me off that I'm trying to work so hard to not have the body I'm being complimented on. If that makes sense? I know it's not their fault. Just in a weird headspace right now.

Well done on the weight loss! Are you feeling better for it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Well you wrote this much better than I could have, but yup! I lost 7 stone in about 18 months. My boobs shrunk, my arse went flat, I don't feel I can loose any more without my skin going weird. I had to do it to for my health and to be able to keep up with young offspring, but I was more confident with the fat body I was used to. "

Wow 7 stone in 18 months is incredible!!!

well done you!

I'm sorry to hear you're not happy either though. I know people always say that being healthy is more important than the loose skin and sagging body parts, and that it should serve as a reminder of how far you've come. But those people have usually never had to live with it... That being said, I hope it doesn't stop you being proud of yourself because what you've done is amazing

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Anyone losing weight on a diet is doing well ..it takes great self discipline to achieve success

I agree

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Overall (and the actual point of this post), I think it's just jarring to feel worse in my own skin than I ever have, even though I'm technically looking and feeling better.

Non sexually, I’d be happy to be an ear or give any fitness advice if you’d like it.

I’m working my way back to my normal weight of 200 lbs from 250 rn… hopefully, I’m there by swimsuit season. "

That's nice of you, thanks! Hopefully other people who are struggling see your offer too

Good luck with your goals!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Not quite as much as you but I've lost about 3 stone and it does take time for your brain to catch up. I often find myself feeling like I look no different and getting depressed that I've worked so hard "for nothing". I've found that my brain does eventually readjust to being aware of my new size. Progress pictures also help. "

Thank you, and well done on your loss! You know I think you look amazing

I don't think I have a "new size" per se, as I still have a lot to lose so my overall body shape has pretty much stayed the same. But yeah can definitely relate to the "I'm working so hard for nothing" feeling...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Wow, that’s an amazing amount of weight loss! That takes some work.

It sounds like it is based on your expectations of what it should be like, rather than what it is? Could you reframe it as you go along?"

This is actually a really good idea, thank you x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Absolutely don’t think it’s body dysmorphia, that diagnosis shouldn’t be banded about so easily, it’s a very serious mental health condition and I’ve watched someone close to me go through it for years.

Anyway not read passed that first comment so apologies if I’m repeating myself but when you’re losing weight if you w got quite a bit to lose it won’t come off evenly or quickly.

You’ll probably find your boobs shrink before your belly and then when you look in the mirror you’ll see your belly more and your eyes will be drawn to the parts that are taking longer to get smaller than your other parts.

You can’t spot reduce fat either it just comes off where ever it feels like. Normally the first places you put weight on will be the last areas to drop fat from. Just have to keep going. 5 stone off is incredible.

Plus it’s winter now so just go caterpillar mode with the clothes then emerge like a butterfly in the spring.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I agree with Santaslittlehelper (such a strange thing to type

)

I lost a fair chunk of weight a few years ago and there’s the expectation of how you will look and feel against the reality of it.

There will always be parts of your body that you’re not happy with, it’s the same for any body shape but it’s also about the pressure that you put on yourself and that you feel from others.

Yeah I definitely feel pressure. I compare myself to the success stories I see online quite a lot and get frustrated that I can't do it at the same pace as them. My family and friends also know about what I'm trying to do and I feel pressured to deliver them with physical changes too. They have said that they're seeing changes but I always get paranoid that they're just saying that because they think it's what I want to hear? That's why getting my tracker out the other night helped, because it kind of "proved" my friend's comment.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Losing a significant amount of weight is incredibly hard work for most I would think.

So yes, it can take awhile for you to kind of accept that this is how things are going forward and to just bloody enjoy the benefits of being slimmer and healthier.

Sorry, a long rambling waffle there….

So there's this girl I follow on YouTube who's severely morbidly obese (40st at her heaviest) and she's documenting her weight loss journey. She's eating around 1600cals per day - which is an insane cut for someone her size - but is also losing weight slowly. The comments are full of people accusing her of lying because someone at her size (I believe she's around 35st now) should be losing weight way quicker than what she is. It's so frustrating. People think that if you have a lot to lose the weight just melts off, which tbh it did when I used to yo-yo diet in my late teens. Now I'm older the weight loss has been PAINSTAKING, and I see fluctuations more than I see actual loss, which is such a piss take when I'm doing everything right. Luckily I weighed in pretty much daily over the past 18 months so I've been studying patterns and I've realised that I steadily gain from ovulation time until I get my period, after which it all suddenly drops back off and more. But that means the numbers on the scale only go down in the first 2 weeks of my cycle, which is all kinds of annoying

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Wow, that’s an amazing amount of weight loss! That takes some work.

It sounds like it is based on your expectations of what it should be like, rather than what it is? Could you reframe it as you go along?

This is actually a really good idea, thank you x "

You’re welcome. You’re doing an amazing job, and there’s lots of support for you here

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

Thank you, and well done on your loss! You know I think you look amazing

Aw thank you.

It's not only a new size when you've finished. I know for myself anyway I went through multiple "new sizes" and I still haven't finished now. I'd settle at a certain weight for ages before either taking a conscious break to maintain or finding what would kickstart my weight loss again. My overall body shape has stayed the same throughout, just gotten smaller. 5 stone definitely isn't nothing but I know it's a hard feeling to shake. For me it doesn't help that I avoided having my picture taken at my biggest as I was both a bit miserable and insecure about my appearance and in an abusive relationship. In a way I also kick myself a bit for taking flattering photos and no brutally honest ones as I think that hasn't helped me either.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I lost eight stones 14 years ago and have maintained that (give and take) ever since.

My overall feeling is 'smug' not only because I love the way I look but because I've turned my health around. I went though exactly what you are and I think it's down to how others now percieve you.

At work, I got massively different reactions from everybody.

It may feel alien for quite a while but one day you'll catch a reflection of someone you don't recognise and realise it's you and when that happens rejoice the fuck out of it!!!

You are amazing and have given me so much useful advice previously, there's literally been times you've stopped me giving up from your posts on my threads xxx

My friends and family are all incredibly supportive. I can't really talk to them about this mental stuff as most of them don't understand, but they try their hardest to be accommodating of my diet and to support me. My colleagues, on the other hand, are fucking saboteurs lol. The amount of times I've had to turn down free food...

" others who now treated me as if I were somehow more useful/intelligent/beautiful "

Not gonna lie I am pretty terrified of this happening and making me bitter and resentful

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Could it possibly be that when you were bigger there was a feeling of “well I’m big, so who cares”. Almost like a confidence you get by giving up.

Now that your losing, that “given up confidence” is fading.

Like when someone always just wears whatever cloths and don’t care, until they actually try to start dressing better, suddenly it becomes impossible to find the right outfit

Or in school when you don’t study for a test so you don’t care if you fail, but when you do study suddenly the pressure of not doing well becomes too much.

Whatever it is, I wouldn’t give up. I know it’s making things harder, but the pay off is gonna be worth it "

Might be an element of truth to that, as harsh as it is to say I'd given up (can always count on you for blunt honesty lol). I think it just an increased sense of awareness. Definitely not giving up though

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Completely normal to go through phases with your body and how you feel about it.

You don't always have to love your body. I believe body acceptance is more helpful than body positivity.

"body acceptance" definitely resonates with me haha there's times I just look in the mirror, sigh and think "eh, it is what it is for now, can't change overnight".

Funny you mention accessories and shoes. One of the best things has been losing fat off my feet and ankles, and getting to wear things like boots and trainers more comfortably, which seems like such a small thing but let me tell you the amount of hours I've wasted scouring the Internet trying to find somewhere that makes cute shoes for fat feet

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Think about the time it took to get bigger compared to the time it took the loose the weight, you will find a massive difference and your mind goes into unrest as your body is in a state of flux.

As long as you remember that your body is not going to look how it did before the weight gain, then small steps to acceptance of your new body shape can take place

Haha it's so unfair that I can gain like 2lbs from just looking at a slice of cake but it takes me over a week to lose that now

Thank you for the advice xx

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By *opsy RogersWoman over a year ago

London

"I lost eight stones 14 years ago and have maintained that (give and take) ever since.

My overall feeling is 'smug' not only because I love the way I look but because I've turned my health around. I went though exactly what you are and I think it's down to how others now percieve you.

At work, I got massively different reactions from everybody.

It may feel alien for quite a while but one day you'll catch a reflection of someone you don't recognise and realise it's you and when that happens rejoice the fuck out of it!!!

You are amazing and have given me so much useful advice previously, there's literally been times you've stopped me giving up from your posts on my threads xxx

others who now treated me as if I were somehow more useful/intelligent/beautiful

Not gonna lie I am pretty terrified of this happening and making me bitter and resentful

Oh gosh thank you, empathy is a strong driving force and I feel huge joy for those that tackle addictions, it sets you free.

Calorie counting is the hardest way to lose weight too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Also ovulation munch is a thing. Your body uses more energy when you’re ovulating and it makes you feel hungrier. I’m insatiable when it’s my time of the month. Once I even went in my bin because my daughter had picked the icing off someone’s birthday cake for a party then wrapped it back up in the foil and threw it in the bin. It was about 11pm and I was like fuck it I’m eating that cake.

It was nice cake though!

Also it will be a slow process if you’re doing it properly. Crash dieting with big weight losses will only make you put on more if you slip up.

If you think of fat cells as a balloon filled with fat you can drain the fat but the cells will still be there ready to be filled again. When you put on weight you make more fat cells and again they can be drained but they’re still always there waiting like a turd that won’t be flushed on the first go. The only way to remove fat cells permanently is liposuction. That’s why it’s better to lose slowly without restricting yourself too much so it feels like a punishment, that way you’re emptying those fat balloons, but you’re not risking gorging cos you’ve been too extreme and harsh with your diet and therefore creating more balloons which will make it harder to lose weight when you pick up the diet again.

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By *izzy.miss.lizzyCouple over a year ago

Pembrokeshire

well done on loosing all that weight, I know very well from first hand that it's tough so appreciate the efforts you've made and the results you've achieved, no mean feat... congratulations!

sorry to hear you are having issues with adjusting, I have been in the same situation myself. I have yo-yo'd from an 18 to a 32 and back again for 40 years, and I am always happier with myself somewhere in the middle of that sliding scale, which seems a bit odd.

I hope you start to find clothes you look and feel wonderful in, that will help... maybe time for a make over and image change, we age into the person we are eventually... most women of my years seem to wear what I call Queen Lizzy styles... M&S cardis and "sensible" slacks, etc lol I'm still into 80's goth widows s/ boho witchy hippy stuff etc., so I no longer care about what others think.

Just try to live your best life and worry less and happy will follow.

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By *emorefridaCouple over a year ago

La la land

I hear you OP. Not lost anywhere as much as you but am shifting weight. And I swear I look bigger now than I did before. Like my stomach was round and now I've lost weight on the sides the middle bit sticks out more like a pyramid. So tighter clothes that looked ok before highlight that pyramid bit more.

But what I do though it's hard is take a naked photo of myself every month to track the changes. Think it is easier to be realistic about gains and losses when you're naked.

Good luck you're doing amazing OP

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By *ionaScarletTV/TS over a year ago

Dundee

Well done Amber! xx

I've lost about 5 st. in the last year so I know exactly how hard you've worked - you should be very proud.

I can relate a bit though - I'm thinking maybe you miss the bits of you that did look good when you were bigger. I used to have a rocking ass! not so much any more - I will miss it. And I definitely notice the saggy bits - theres a wee bit of shame there seeing the damage I did to myself.

But on the other hand clothing options have expanded massively! I can wear things I couldn't dream of a year ago. I would definitely recommend going through your wardrobe and getting rid of the things that are too big for you now

There are few finer things in the world than throwing out your old knickers cos they are too big for you

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"You are amazing Amber.

Do not stop being an inspiration to others.

Please remember, it is when we feel that we cannot go on that we must persevere.

The difficult phase is temporary

Continuing when it is mentally and physically easier - will come again. "

Thank you so much Granny xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"You are doing fantastically well Amber. Last year I attended a hospital group about losing weight and it was a lot about getting your head around it. I recall the leaders saying that when you lose a lot of weight, it can take a while for your mind to catch up with where your body is at. Have you looked online for forums , as I expect there are some for people in a similar situation. It might help. "

Thank you for the support xx

There's a lot of threads on weight loss advice and tips, but not many that discuss this mental side of it.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS over a year ago

Horsham

Maybe lay off the apps, just concentrate on your PB's. I used to cycle race in my late teens, early twenties. I never bothered looking at my weight, just at how much better I was on my training ride. I didn't always beat my overall time, but I climbed a hill using one gear smaller, or gained an extra 2 mph on the sprint. Those mattered more to me.

In just over a month of going out every night, I had lost a bit of weight. Not suggesting you train every day, but try to enjoy the training, and of course the compliments.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS over a year ago

Horsham

I will add that I can't diet, I have absolutely no will power at all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Well done OP. Making changes in any aspect in life is hard and even harder to maintain until it becomes a habit.

Your thoughts and feelings are what a lot of people experience. You aren’t alone with them.

These are all positive things.

Thank you

I don't know if there's really a reason why I started. I just started walking during lockdown for stress relief, then the weight loss started, the diet and exercise came together and my reasons came once I started seeing results. But yeah totally get what you're saying, progress only happens when you're uncomfortable!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Well done with 5 stone loss wish I could get 2 off I'd be happier, I'm body conscious but struggle with weight loss especially now doing 12 hour shifts abd driving an hour an half there an back struggling to find any time to excercise. Very body conscious on meets with p i feel compfortable naked he doesn't make me feel like a fatty,but still.would love to loose.weight look sexy in lingerie for him

Oh no, sorry to hear you feel self conscious

I hear you, it's hard when you're pressed for time and tired after a long day. It also takes me far too much mental strength to get to the gym. There's times I'll get ready, get my trainers on, sit in my car and change my mind because I'm just not ready to face that environment. For those times I've just bought some basic equipment and will do a home workout instead, but I am really trying to be more brave - it's bloody hard!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It is normal to feel a bit sucky about your new body Amber, it really is. That time will happen when it clicks and you realise and accept that's your new body with pride. You should be proud of what you've achieved, it's incredible, it really is.

Oh Meli I love you so much

you're such a beautiful soul inside and out xx

Your pics are an inspiration and I actually do sometimes think of your journey and how much weight you've managed to lose when I am struggling.

I can relate to so much of what you've said. It's like there was "padding" before that made my body look somewhat proportionate, and now it's all disappearing at different rates there's bits that stick out that didn't use to when I was just an amorphous blob.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Could it possibly be that when you were bigger there was a feeling of “well I’m big, so who cares”. Almost like a confidence you get by giving up.

Now that your losing, that “given up confidence” is fading.

Like when someone always just wears whatever cloths and don’t care, until they actually try to start dressing better, suddenly it becomes impossible to find the right outfit

Or in school when you don’t study for a test so you don’t care if you fail, but when you do study suddenly the pressure of not doing well becomes too much.

Whatever it is, I wouldn’t give up. I know it’s making things harder, but the pay off is gonna be worth it

I agree with this. I'm invisible when fat. People don't comment on what I'm wearing.

When I lost weight they'd witter on about how much better I looked. Uggghhh thanks???

OP you inspire me. You can stay at your current size if you are happy now. It took me a few years to 'realise' I was a smaller size. And same now I'm bigger.

Thank you, I don't plan on staying this size as I'm not happy, but hopefully one day I will be

See I think that's one of the things that kind of allowed me stay as fat as I was while still being confident. I learned how to dress in a flattering way from a young age, and put trendy outfits together from not much choice. I never wear anything tight around my midsection, more things that skim and highlight my good areas, and always make sure my hair and makeup look good to "make up" for my body. On nights out with my mates I've always managed to dress as glamorous and provocatively as the rest of my slim friends, I just focused on different bits of me (boobs, mainly).

I've always received compliments on my style and my taste even at my biggest and I think in a way that was kind of destructive to the way I viewed myself (as in, unrealistically). Not putting the blame on anyone else or saying that you shouldn't compliment bigger people, just saying this has been my experience x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Sounds like you did amazing to lose the weight in the first place and to me, recognising that you started to get into bad habits and put on weight again early and reversing that trend is even more impressive!

Give yourself time to get used to your new body and keep doing what makes you feel better for you

Thank you, yeah I tried to catch it a few times when I was slipping, it was hard though trying to do that while finally being allowed a social life again! Now it's calmed down I definitely feel a lot more in control

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Confidence is a bugger.

The fact you are losing weight shows you do care so confidence will play a part.

You look amazing in your pics and I know you will look amazing as you are now but at the end of the day confidence isn't about how you look, it's how you feel.

Yeah I definitely agree that to even be big you need to have a certain level of "idgaf what anyone thinks" about you, otherwise you'd never leave the house.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't want to repeat what those have said before.....

Would buying different clothes help, trying other styles etc?

Sorry if this is naff, just wanted to see it from another direction."

No not at all, I appreciate your advice

thank you x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I think its mostly down to adjusting to your new body, its new for you and your brain is having trouble trying to process it as you were confident with your body before losing weight

For some ppl small changes can be a big boost to their confidence, for others even big changes can take time to process and feel positive about it

That's good advice, thank you

it definitely does help to focus on other things, but it's hard to take your focus off something you have to see every day, you know?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Absolutely don’t think it’s body dysmorphia, that diagnosis shouldn’t be banded about so easily, it’s a very serious mental health condition and I’ve watched someone close to me go through it for years.

Anyway not read passed that first comment so apologies if I’m repeating myself but when you’re losing weight if you w got quite a bit to lose it won’t come off evenly or quickly.

Plus it’s winter now so just go caterpillar mode with the clothes then emerge like a butterfly in the spring.

Yeah I agreed above it's not dysmorphia. My belly has shrunk overall but yeah I think my boobs and hips have just shrunk more. I'm trying to hide away in baggy clothes atm but because my tummy sticks out further than the rest of me that's the only place my tops are sticking to atm and it almost makes it more obvious

Also from the side my clothes don't stick to the space inbetween my boobs and stomach so it almost forms like a straight line and I look like a literal square

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Also ovulation munch is a thing. Your body uses more energy when you’re ovulating and it makes you feel hungrier. I’m insatiable when it’s my time of the month. Once I even went in my bin because my daughter had picked the icing off someone’s birthday cake for a party then wrapped it back up in the foil and threw it in the bin. It was about 11pm and I was like fuck it I’m eating that cake.

It was nice cake though!

Also it will be a slow process if you’re doing it properly. Crash dieting with big weight losses will only make you put on more if you slip up.

That's why I'm so glad I weigh in daily and keep a record of it; previously when I gained I'd have either been like "oh fuck it, I'll just give up and eat this pizza" or freaked out and restricted even more, leading to binges. Now I can study my trends and be like "oh okay, I gain weight when I ovulate and either maintain or gain slightly until my period, gain a bit more while on and then it all comes back off plus more". I still weigh in daily even when I know there might be fluctuations, but I don't freak out anymore.

I've heard that fat cells = balloons analogy before, I think it might have been a Dr. Berg video? That's another thing that has really helped actually, just educating myself on biochemical processes and the effects that taking care of myself will have.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"well done on loosing all that weight, I know very well from first hand that it's tough so appreciate the efforts you've made and the results you've achieved, no mean feat... congratulations!

Just try to live your best life and worry less and happy will follow."

Thank you!

I don't think that's odd, if that's where you're happy. As long as you're healthy too

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I hear you OP. Not lost anywhere as much as you but am shifting weight. And I swear I look bigger now than I did before. Like my stomach was round and now I've lost weight on the sides the middle bit sticks out more like a pyramid. So tighter clothes that looked ok before highlight that pyramid bit more.

But what I do though it's hard is take a naked photo of myself every month to track the changes. Think it is easier to be realistic about gains and losses when you're naked.

Good luck you're doing amazing OP

Thanks so much, yeah can definitely relate to this!! I think the stomach is just such a focal point of any outfit it's a really hard thing to get around.

I do take progress pics but I find they don't really show the whole picture. Like, my overall "figure" is still the same, and it's hard to tell that it's shrunk in pics. I definitely prefer measuring. For instance, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I remember when I first started I couldn't get the tape measure all the way around my hips

I'd have to try and mark where it went up to and then measure the rest and add it on... Now I've lost about 20cm off there and can very comfortably measure them, but I can't actually see that they're smaller in the pics.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Well done Amber! xx

I've lost about 5 st. in the last year so I know exactly how hard you've worked - you should be very proud.

There are few finer things in the world than throwing out your old knickers cos they are too big for you

Congratulations!!

Very happy for you that you're feeling good about your new clothing options

definitely agree about the knicker thing haha, you kind of forget that they're gonna get too big too! Was in the middle of doing my big shop the other day and mine were falling down to below my butt

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Maybe lay off the apps, just concentrate on your PB's. I used to cycle race in my late teens, early twenties. I never bothered looking at my weight, just at how much better I was on my training ride. I didn't always beat my overall time, but I climbed a hill using one gear smaller, or gained an extra 2 mph on the sprint. Those mattered more to me.

In just over a month of going out every night, I had lost a bit of weight. Not suggesting you train every day, but try to enjoy the training, and of course the compliments."

I totally get what you're saying, but if you don't mind me asking - did you have a lot to lose? I think when you're already fairly close to a healthy weight it doesn't have to be something you worry about and, like you said, you can focus on things like fitness instead. But being at the size that I am I do feel like I need to concentrate on weight loss as a main aspect too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Phew - thanks so much for all the advice and support everyone!! I've tried really hard to reply to you all to show how much I appreciate the input, but apologies if I have missed anyone off xx

Definitely feeling better about my situation knowing it's a relatively normal thing to go through. Don't think I'm gonna magically start being all happy with my body now but I'm just gonna try and keep focusing on what I'm trying to achieve and hopefully it will start falling into place

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

But what I do though it's hard is take a naked photo of myself every month to track the changes. Think it is easier to be realistic about gains and losses when you're naked.

Good luck you're doing amazing OP

Thanks so much, yeah can definitely relate to this!! I think the stomach is just such a focal point of any outfit it's a really hard thing to get around.

They look smaller to me in your March 21 than your June 20.

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By *opsy RogersWoman over a year ago

London

Amber, I've just remembered the first thing on my body I noticed that had got smaller.

Standing in front of the mirror one morning, putting deodorant on, I noticed my armpits were thinner. All the work I was doing and not my arse, hips, boobs or belly was smaller but my fucking armpits!

Straight on the phone to my bestie, all indignant and she was screeching with laughter at me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

But what I do though it's hard is take a naked photo of myself every month to track the changes. Think it is easier to be realistic about gains and losses when you're naked.

Good luck you're doing amazing OP

Thanks so much, yeah can definitely relate to this!! I think the stomach is just such a focal point of any outfit it's a really hard thing to get around.

They look smaller to me in your March 21 than your June 20."

Do they? See I genuinely can't tell. I think my waist does look smaller and more defined but I don't see it in my hips. This is where I rely on other people to tell me haha. But thank you

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Amber, I've just remembered the first thing on my body I noticed that had got smaller.

Straight on the phone to my bestie, all indignant and she was screeching with laughter at me."

Ahahaha armpits!!

that's a problem area for most people is it not?

I was a bit like that the other day with my friend's comment about my shoulders. I was like "Really? Out of everything it's my SHOULDERS that look better?!". But actually it does make sense as I do a lot of overhead exercises. Tbh I'll take what I can get at this point

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

But what I do though it's hard is take a naked photo of myself every month to track the changes. Think it is easier to be realistic about gains and losses when you're naked.

Good luck you're doing amazing OP

Thanks so much, yeah can definitely relate to this!! I think the stomach is just such a focal point of any outfit it's a really hard thing to get around.

They look smaller to me in your March 21 than your June 20.

Do they? See I genuinely can't tell. I think my waist does look smaller and more defined but I don't see it in my hips. This is where I rely on other people to tell me haha. But thank you

Yeah definitely. No problem

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

"Amber, I've just remembered the first thing on my body I noticed that had got smaller.

Straight on the phone to my bestie, all indignant and she was screeching with laughter at me.

Ahahaha armpits!!

that's a problem area for most people is it not?

It's funny the areas people notice isn't it. My personal trainer commented on my collar bones being more pronounced after losing some weight

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By *uffolkClareClactonDaveCouple over a year ago

Felixstowe/Clacton-on-Sea

I've just looked at your pics and as far as I'm concerned you look gorgeous (this is Sub Dave posting by the way).

My Mistress is an incredibly beautiful BBW woman so you may be justified in calling me biased, but if you'd have been at Jaydees when I was there on Friday I would most certainly have been interested in getting to know you.

Try not to overthink it. You look fantastic and are incredibly sexy xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Amber, I've just remembered the first thing on my body I noticed that had got smaller.

Straight on the phone to my bestie, all indignant and she was screeching with laughter at me.

Ahahaha armpits!!

that's a problem area for most people is it not?

It's funny the areas people notice isn't it. My personal trainer commented on my collar bones being more pronounced after losing some weight

Ahaa isn't that what everyone wants? Flat stomachs are so last year

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By *iger4uWoman over a year ago

In my happy place

The shape of clothes is important. I cant wear anything that is narrow at the hem.

Even when im not flabby its the wrong shape on me.

Maybe try some different styles?

Take a friend. A kind one.

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