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Afraid of calling it Love
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Okay trying to scramble this sort of together at 8AM, but I am still in a pretty softie mood. (Ta, Taylor!!)
Has anyone been in a relationship (meaningful) were you waiting for the other person to finally say them magic 3 words (“I love you”) but he /she didn’t call it for what it was and/or struggled to even say it.
I know, it’s through action that love is manifested. But thinking back, I had one meaningful long relationship in particular, and he barely ever said it. I knew he loved me (in his way  ) but he never really said it to me.
Or …on the other hand, have you been in a relationship where you never said “I love you” , but truly and genuinely loved them?
Is it too needy to wanting to hear them 3 words every now and again from your loved one?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We say I love you multiple times everyday 
I don't think there's ever been a day in the 8 years of being together that we haven't said it.
Not your Q but yeah. Not saying it is strange to me (I know other people work differently). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not had someone struggle to say it, in fact probably the opposite and said it alllll the time.
Personally, I have refrained for saying it and preferred to show it through my actions. But my views on Love and it’s true meaning have changed a lot over the years so it will be interesting if I end up in an LTR again.... |
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The wonderful, loving relationship I have with my dog means I get to say it lots... Shame she is unable to say it back to me.... But I can feel the love oozing back at me through those hazel eyes;-) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think it should be said too often...it loses it's meaning if you hear it all the time. "
Strangely I feel the same. My ex said it so often it felt empty. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't think it should be said too often...it loses it's meaning if you hear it all the time. "
I agree. But there should be a fine balance between saying it at the right times and those who really say it almost never. |
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"I don't think it should be said too often...it loses it's meaning if you hear it all the time.
Strangely I feel the same. My ex said it so often it felt empty. "
Exactly, it's like it's only being said because they feel it's what they're supposed to say.
For me, actions say it better than words ever could. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The wonderful, loving relationship I have with my dog means I get to say it lots... Shame she is unable to say it back to me.... But I can feel the love oozing back at me through those hazel eyes;-) "
I say it to my doggos all the time. And I give them so many kisses  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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They are indeed powerful words and should only be used when you are feeling it in the moment and not as a through away comment.
I think couples find their rhythm off when to say it and it should always be said with no expectation of the other person saying it back to you.
You should feel it before saying it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I believe actions are stronger than words
It takes very little effort to say you love someone
It’s take a lot more to show them
Talk is cheap "
I’ve had some partners, and literally was easier to pull teeth out than getting an “I love you” out of them  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think it should be said too often...it loses it's meaning if you hear it all the time.
Strangely I feel the same. My ex said it so often it felt empty.
Exactly, it's like it's only being said because they feel it's what they're supposed to say.
For me, actions say it better than words ever could. "
Indeed. Not saying a very well timed and intended “I love you” doesn’t have any substance but it has to come from that place deep within, so you actually feel the words when they’re spoken.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They are indeed powerful words and should only be used when you are feeling it in the moment and not as a through away comment.
I think couples find their rhythm off when to say it and it should always be said with no expectation of the other person saying it back to you.
You should feel it before saying it"
My man! See my last comment.  |
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"I believe actions are stronger than words
It takes very little effort to say you love someone
It’s take a lot more to show them
Talk is cheap
I’ve had some partners, and literally was easier to pull teeth out than getting an “I love you” out of them "
I think part of being a good partner is learning how your partner communicates and accepting that and learning to work with it
Maybe pulling teeth out to force a verbal communication from someone that doesn’t communicate that way is negligent on your half |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They are indeed powerful words and should only be used when you are feeling it in the moment and not as a through away comment.
I think couples find their rhythm off when to say it and it should always be said with no expectation of the other person saying it back to you.
You should feel it before saying it
My man! See my last comment. "
Great minds my friend |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I believe actions are stronger than words
It takes very little effort to say you love someone
It’s take a lot more to show them
Talk is cheap
I’ve had some partners, and literally was easier to pull teeth out than getting an “I love you” out of them
I think part of being a good partner is learning how your partner communicates and accepting that and learning to work with it
Maybe pulling teeth out to force a verbal communication from someone that doesn’t communicate that way is negligent on your half "
Maybe it was needy of me, but I felt like I knew he did love me in his way, but not hearing it from him. Made me afraid of saying it myself too.
Creating this “impasse” in my mind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I believe actions are stronger than words
It takes very little effort to say you love someone
It’s take a lot more to show them
Talk is cheap
I’ve had some partners, and literally was easier to pull teeth out than getting an “I love you” out of them
I think part of being a good partner is learning how your partner communicates and accepting that and learning to work with it
Maybe pulling teeth out to force a verbal communication from someone that doesn’t communicate that way is negligent on your half "
I think this can be traced back to childhood or the cultures we come from. My nuclear family don’t really ever verbalise love, but it’s so clear and abundant in how we are with each other - accepting, non-judgmental and compassionate. Never needs to be said. I didn’t realise this until I was a bit older. As a young man I was so resentful of this and could never understand why my mum didn’t tell me she loves me. |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
"Okay trying to scramble this sort of together at 8AM, but I am still in a pretty softie mood. (Ta, Taylor!!)
Has anyone been in a relationship (meaningful) were you waiting for the other person to finally say them magic 3 words (“I love you”) but he /she didn’t call it for what it was and/or struggled to even say it.
I know, it’s through action that love is manifested. But thinking back, I had one meaningful long relationship in particular, and he barely ever said it. I knew he loved me (in his way ) but he never really said it to me.
Or …on the other hand, have you been in a relationship where you never said “I love you” , but truly and genuinely loved them?
Is it too needy to wanting to hear them 3 words every now and again from your loved one?
"
These words should only be said in significant moments...I feel most people ,once they say it, they start to use it for anything and everything and in any circumstance...they say "I LOVE YOU" instead of "thank you", they say "I love you" instead of "I miss you", they say "love you" instead of "good morning " , they say "love you" instead of "bye" ...they say it so often and so reactive that it purely becomes meaningless |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Okay trying to scramble this sort of together at 8AM, but I am still in a pretty softie mood. (Ta, Taylor!!)
Has anyone been in a relationship (meaningful) were you waiting for the other person to finally say them magic 3 words (“I love you”) but he /she didn’t call it for what it was and/or struggled to even say it.
I know, it’s through action that love is manifested. But thinking back, I had one meaningful long relationship in particular, and he barely ever said it. I knew he loved me (in his way ) but he never really said it to me.
Or …on the other hand, have you been in a relationship where you never said “I love you” , but truly and genuinely loved them?
Is it too needy to wanting to hear them 3 words every now and again from your loved one?
These words should only be said in significant moments...I feel most people ,once they say it, they start to use it for anything and everything and in any circumstance...they say "I LOVE YOU" instead of "thank you", they say "I love you" instead of "I miss you", they say "love you" instead of "good morning " , they say "love you" instead of "bye" ...they say it so often and so reactive that it purely becomes meaningless "
I don’t like it when it becomes trivial for sure. But I think also never hearing it because the other person is scared of saying it - possibly because of the way they were raised as maybe it isn’t something that was said to them. Is also kind of not good.
But deffo I agree, they are powerful words and should be said when felt and meant and in very specific moments x |
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By *ora69Woman
over a year ago
Lampeter |
I tbh very rarely say those words and will only say them if in that moment I need to for me, not to satisfy the other person. To be people use them to freely. If I'm loved I don't need to be told I can feel it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I don’t like it when it becomes trivial for sure. But I think also never hearing it because the other person is scared of saying it - possibly because of the way they were raised as maybe it isn’t something that was said to them. Is also kind of not good."
But it’s not good for the person who wants to hear it. I don’t think people should feel obliged to say these words to make their partner feel loved. However, there can be some balance where you can discuss your needs and try to both meet them, while not expecting your partner to compromise their way of being.
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It’s not something I’ve said that often in life, but they’ve known through other ways.
I had one guy who said it way too much, that when he said it, it meant nothing to me and more like he was asking what is for tea tonight. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I don’t like it when it becomes trivial for sure. But I think also never hearing it because the other person is scared of saying it - possibly because of the way they were raised as maybe it isn’t something that was said to them. Is also kind of not good.
But it’s not good for the person who wants to hear it. I don’t think people should feel obliged to say these words to make their partner feel loved. However, there can be some balance where you can discuss your needs and try to both meet them, while not expecting your partner to compromise their way of being.
"
Totally agree!!!
In that case that I was on about, I became scared to say the words because he’d never say them. Even when certain situations were right x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s as much to do with the person saying it as it is with the person receiving it. Sometimes you just have to communicate and work out each other’s needs and boundaries. |
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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago
Orpington |
"
I don’t like it when it becomes trivial for sure. But I think also never hearing it because the other person is scared of saying it - possibly because of the way they were raised as maybe it isn’t something that was said to them. Is also kind of not good.
But it’s not good for the person who wants to hear it. I don’t think people should feel obliged to say these words to make their partner feel loved. However, there can be some balance where you can discuss your needs and try to both meet them, while not expecting your partner to compromise their way of being.
Totally agree!!!
In that case that I was on about, I became scared to say the words because he’d never say them. Even when certain situations were right x
"
I think if you expect him to say it first just so you can say it ad well, will create an imbalance. Love is not perfectly balanced...you can't say you will only love someone if they love you exactly in equally measures. You offer as much as you can and hope the other person reciprocates the effort in their own way...people express their feelings differently. Say it when you mean it ( or when you feel ready), and try to show it every day. |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
I’ll say it if I mean it, I think it’s a strange concept to expect someone to say it in return, I often wonder where that came from?
Some people show love in different ways, they may find it difficult to express it vocally and therefore won’t say it but it doesn’t mean there incapable of loving.
The expectation of the same 3 words being reciprocated just because I said it takes the meaning away for me, an off the cuff ‘love you’ in an unexpected moment is fair more poignant I think xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’ll say it if I mean it, I think it’s a strange concept to expect someone to say it in return, I often wonder where that came from?
Some people show love in different ways, they may find it difficult to express it vocally and therefore won’t say it but it doesn’t mean there incapable of loving.
The expectation of the same 3 words being reciprocated just because I said it takes the meaning away for me, an off the cuff ‘love you’ in an unexpected moment is fair more poignant I think xx"
I guess it’s kind of knowing we are both on the same page type concept?
I admit I have the fear of saying “I love you” to then not hear it back and take it as, maybe he doesn’t love me after all
But that’s because also , it’s something that I only say if I mean it or love the person anyway, and maybe it’s the right time to say. But say if he said it at his right time, and I did love the guy. I wouldn’t have a problem saying “I love you” back because I do love the person anyway. even if that specific moment in time, maybe didn’t matter as much to me, as it did the other person.
If it makes sense.
Obviously none should feel obligated to say an “I love you back”
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I'm in the actions speak louder than words camp.
I saw a man on YouTube say that if a man cheats on a woman but comes back to her it means he really loves her, that the other woman is nothing to him and women should realise this. He said it with such authority and confidence that I think the poor soul really believed what he was saying. Someone like that could tell me he loved me a thousand times a day but his actions would tell me he didn't. Give me a man who's got my back even when things between us aren't great over that kind of twerp any day. |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
"I’ll say it if I mean it, I think it’s a strange concept to expect someone to say it in return, I often wonder where that came from?
Some people show love in different ways, they may find it difficult to express it vocally and therefore won’t say it but it doesn’t mean there incapable of loving.
The expectation of the same 3 words being reciprocated just because I said it takes the meaning away for me, an off the cuff ‘love you’ in an unexpected moment is fair more poignant I think xx
I guess it’s kind of knowing we are both on the same page type concept?
I admit I have the fear of saying “I love you” to then not hear it back and take it as, maybe he doesn’t love me after all
But that’s because also , it’s something that I only say if I mean it or love the person anyway, and maybe it’s the right time to say. But say if he said it at his right time, and I did love the guy. I wouldn’t have a problem saying “I love you” back because I do love the person anyway. even if that specific moment in time, maybe didn’t matter as much to me, as it did the other person.
If it makes sense.
Obviously none should feel obligated to say an “I love you back”
"
I think there’s many ways of looking at it
I’ve only been in love once, I said it first and he didn’t say it back to me, about 3wks later we were out for the day he took my hand and said ‘I love you too’
I didn’t feel rejected because he didn’t respond initially I respected he maybe needed time to process me saying it.
We dated for 6yrs.
I think it depends on the dynamic between too people there’s no right of wrong xx
 xx
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’ll say it if I mean it, I think it’s a strange concept to expect someone to say it in return, I often wonder where that came from?
Some people show love in different ways, they may find it difficult to express it vocally and therefore won’t say it but it doesn’t mean there incapable of loving.
The expectation of the same 3 words being reciprocated just because I said it takes the meaning away for me, an off the cuff ‘love you’ in an unexpected moment is fair more poignant I think xx
I guess it’s kind of knowing we are both on the same page type concept?
I admit I have the fear of saying “I love you” to then not hear it back and take it as, maybe he doesn’t love me after all
But that’s because also , it’s something that I only say if I mean it or love the person anyway, and maybe it’s the right time to say. But say if he said it at his right time, and I did love the guy. I wouldn’t have a problem saying “I love you” back because I do love the person anyway. even if that specific moment in time, maybe didn’t matter as much to me, as it did the other person.
If it makes sense.
Obviously none should feel obligated to say an “I love you back”
I think there’s many ways of looking at it
I’ve only been in love once, I said it first and he didn’t say it back to me, about 3wks later we were out for the day he took my hand and said ‘I love you too’
I didn’t feel rejected because he didn’t respond initially I respected he maybe needed time to process me saying it.
We dated for 6yrs.
I think it depends on the dynamic between too people there’s no right of wrong xx
xx
"
Makes total sense and you are so right  |
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