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Help - The perfect profile
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It is about time I wrote my blurb on my page.
So I challenge you all to help me create my perfect profile, one that has everything you would need to read that would help someone know who is behind the text and avatar.
I believe that with a forum collaboration you know what should be included and what isn’t needed. Think of it as a FAB community project. 
*As this profile is a public entity outside of Sydney university I reserve the right under section WoodyB_69 to take or ignore all advice given, depending on my current mood.
So please, go ahead and anyone can feel free to read this and get some tips. (Actually, there’s a forum user that has some pretty detailed advice on their profile…so I heard, I didn’t read it )
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Penis everywhere.. make sure you have every angle of your penis shown. Maybe have a description of your penis in your profile text.
It's all about the penis for women on here  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Here goes..
"A middle aged enthusiastic spanking straight man. My body is my fridge, as shown on recent pictures. I can turn you off by the sheer touch of my fingers on your forehead.
Seeking couples or women aged 21-99. The older the better. Worried about breaking a hip trying to get down those baby oiled steps? Don't worry, I have a lifetime pass for the hospital across the road."
It's a start.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Copy mine. You’re welcome 
Oh, he said that seconds before I did ^^^
I feel like a right idiot now   "
Great minds! (Or maybe we’re both a right couple of sods) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Here goes..
"A middle aged enthusiastic spanking straight man. My body is my fridge, as shown on recent pictures. I can turn you off by the sheer touch of my fingers on your forehead.
Seeking couples or women aged 21-99. The older the better. Worried about breaking a hip trying to get down those baby oiled steps? Don't worry, I have a lifetime pass for the hospital across the road."
It's a start.. "
 brilliant |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How many times have you included "fun"? Ideally it needs to be in the Headline at least twice "fun guy looking for fun" and sprinkled liberally through the profile for maximum effect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Include the word genuine, because that’s the best way to know that you’re genuine. Genuinely "
And perhaps decent too? That's very persuasive. And mustn't forget "discrete"! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Also when it’s complete, don’t forget to nip back and ask what’s wrong with it because people ignore you. Then fail to ever make a single change to it ever again other than occasionally writing ** Update: not currently looking to meet ** at the top |
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make sure you add "ladies please don get upset if i dont reply straight away i do have a life outside of fabs... and as others have said lots of penis pics especially you naked at railway stations or next to canals.. that will do it. |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
Talk in depth about how you can make every woman on earth gush bucket loads with one smouldering look ... put that first and no need for the rest ...
Oh, except the mandatory Sydney University malarkey bit  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do your own profile like we all have"
This would be too easy, have you not seen how difficult getting anyone to give a serious reply in this thread is, I like a challenge. 
And this is fun, I like fun fun is fun. -*advice from above proving I do read. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you're using canned cream make it M&S"
Why? My squirt cream isn’t just any cream. It’s sweet and thick and if you shake it up and squirt it directly into your mouth it sometimes drips down your lips….it’s not just a spoon full of cream, it’s a mouthful.
You don’t see that on their adds do you? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just have:-
‘Put ‘Woody is the best Toy Story character’ in the title, when you message’ so I know you’ve read my profile
That’s it!
You’ll be knee deep
K"
Knee deep in what?  |
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"Just have:-
‘Put ‘Woody is the best Toy Story character’ in the title, when you message’ so I know you’ve read my profile
That’s it!
You’ll be knee deep
K
Knee deep in what? "
Put it and find out |
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It's fine to have contradictions in it, such as quantity over quality and quality over quantity, as we'll be desperate for anything if we see enough cock and it covers all bases, doubling your fun.
Must have 'ask me anything', as nobody checks your answers, or even if you do.
At least 1 long paragraph essential if you are straight, showing your anger with anyone who dares to offer to suck your cock. Though write a story in stories and fantasies about how you surprised yourself by enjoying getting fucked by a MM couple, as you'd only seen the word 'couple' and drove hours to a meet - this will get all bi MF couples after you in droves.
Remember to add that you are shy and looking for someone to take you to a club - always works! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is no such thing as a perfect profile as one person perfect profile is another person not perfect
Best tip I can give it just be you if they don’t like it screw them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just have:-
‘Put ‘Woody is the best Toy Story character’ in the title, when you message’ so I know you’ve read my profile
That’s it!
You’ll be knee deep
K
Knee deep in what? "
Clunge |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Copy mine. I get loads of offers when I tick the Men box.
Haha. I pasted yours to the bottom of mine. "
So you did! My minge is dripping like a rusty garden tap. |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
"Some key words and phrases
Genuine
Discrete
Quality over quantity
Not looking to sleep with whole site
Looking for fun
You forgot professional  "
...and Fab single |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some key words and phrases
Genuine
Discrete
Quality over quantity
Not looking to sleep with whole site
Looking for fun
You forgot professional
...and Fab single "
Of course how could I forget that  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh OP if you can’t adequately express what you are looking for and also convey the type of person you are at your age then you have no chance on here . "
It's a joke thread |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
"Some key words and phrases
Genuine
Discrete
Quality over quantity
Not looking to sleep with whole site
Looking for fun
You forgot professional
...and Fab single
Of course how could I forget that "
Probably need to get 'discretion' or 'discrete' in there too somewhere as well, given the huge blabber mouths we all are on here!!?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh OP if you can’t adequately express what you are looking for and also convey the type of person you are at your age then you have no chance on here . "
GSOH |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Tbh OP if you can’t adequately express what you are looking for and also convey the type of person you are at your age then you have no chance on here .
It's a joke thread "
Oh no it isn’t!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh OP if you can’t adequately express what you are looking for and also convey the type of person you are at your age then you have no chance on here .
It's a joke thread
Oh no it isn’t!!! "
I am deeply sorry if I have misrepresented you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just want to apologize to all the men who's profiles I just looked at whilst going through this thread - don't worry, I won't be visiting you again, but it was good to see what people have written - I need to bulk my one out, so this has been handy fun!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just want to apologize to all the men who's profiles I just looked at whilst going through this thread - don't worry, I won't be visiting you again, but it was good to see what people have written - I need to bulk my one out, so this has been handy fun!!"
If you go into Account... Privacy settings... you can change it so that people can't see you looked at their profiles. |
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"Some key words and phrases
Genuine
Discrete
Quality over quantity
Not looking to sleep with whole site
Looking for fun
You forgot professional
...and Fab single
Of course how could I forget that
Probably need to get 'discretion' or 'discrete' in there too somewhere as well, given the huge blabber mouths we all are on here!!? "
Plus -
'Open minded'
(it's ok if you write something bigoted, if you list that you are open minded).
'Try anything once, twice just to be sure' -
Though have a very long list of things you refuse to consider.
Bonus points if you add -
'Always look good and smell good' 'Not a stranger to soap, helps if you aren't too'.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
If you go into Account... Privacy settings... you can change it so that people can't see you looked at their profiles. "
Haha, that's a tad devious, but duly noted |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
If you go into Account... Privacy settings... you can change it so that people can't see you looked at their profiles.
Haha, that's a tad devious, but duly noted "
Ninja mode rules! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Include the word genuine, because that’s the best way to know that you’re genuine. Genuinely
And perhaps decent too? That's very persuasive. And mustn't forget "discrete"! "
If you must be decent, only be decent once |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Write a really long rant about all the things that annoy you about this site and list all the things you don’t want people to say to you in their message (which normally includes saying ‘I’m doing ok thanks so no need to waste their time asking me’ which is like walking into a party and shouting the same thing which would make you look mental) and insist that any message you receive is original, funny, interesting and doesn’t contain any sexual references. Make sure you tell people that you have a life outside of this site so you may not reply straight away because I, and I’m sure everyone else too, assumes that anyone who doesn’t write this is on this site 24/7 and doesn’t do anything all day other than reply to messages.
At the end of your bio tell people what to write as the subject when they message you to prove they’ve read the bio fully because no one can skim read a bio looking specifically for what they need to put as the subject....
After all that you should invite anyone who’s interested in you to message you because who wouldn’t want to message someone who comes across as being so friendly, welcoming and tolerant.
Oh, and don’t forget to delete all your photos and have a silhouette as a profile picture but insist all messages have a face pic attached.
No need to thank me, just happy to help. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Write a really long rant about all the things that annoy you about this site and list all the things you don’t want people to say to you in their message (which normally includes saying ‘I’m doing ok thanks so no need to waste their time asking me’ which is like walking into a party and shouting the same thing which would make you look mental) and insist that any message you receive is original, funny, interesting and doesn’t contain any sexual references. Make sure you tell people that you have a life outside of this site so you may not reply straight away because I, and I’m sure everyone else too, assumes that anyone who doesn’t write this is on this site 24/7 and doesn’t do anything all day other than reply to messages.
At the end of your bio tell people what to write as the subject when they message you to prove they’ve read the bio fully because no one can skim read a bio looking specifically for what they need to put as the subject....
After all that you should invite anyone who’s interested in you to message you because who wouldn’t want to message someone who comes across as being so friendly, welcoming and tolerant.
Oh, and don’t forget to delete all your photos and have a silhouette as a profile picture but insist all messages have a face pic attached.
No need to thank me, just happy to help. "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Write a really long rant about all the things that annoy you about this site and list all the things you don’t want people to say to you in their message (which normally includes saying ‘I’m doing ok thanks so no need to waste their time asking me’ which is like walking into a party and shouting the same thing which would make you look mental) and insist that any message you receive is original, funny, interesting and doesn’t contain any sexual references. Make sure you tell people that you have a life outside of this site so you may not reply straight away because I, and I’m sure everyone else too, assumes that anyone who doesn’t write this is on this site 24/7 and doesn’t do anything all day other than reply to messages.
At the end of your bio tell people what to write as the subject when they message you to prove they’ve read the bio fully because no one can skim read a bio looking specifically for what they need to put as the subject....
After all that you should invite anyone who’s interested in you to message you because who wouldn’t want to message someone who comes across as being so friendly, welcoming and tolerant.
Oh, and don’t forget to delete all your photos and have a silhouette as a profile picture but insist all messages have a face pic attached.
No need to thank me, just happy to help. "
Thank you |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
Oh oh ...just thought... picture-wise you also need to have a pic either with trousers/pants around your ankles, or sat on the bog, or urinals in the background ...to seal the deal  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Put some Krispy Kreme doughnuts on your shaft"
Did not expect this advice. Thinking outside the box I like it.
I actually probably need more up to date photos, I realise this…and product placement seems to be a thing for me |
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