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Can a guy compliment a woman?
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By *hagTonight OP Man
over a year ago
From the land of haribos. |
Of course they can. I watched one of coach gregs videos where he had a rant about it of how a woman treated the guy who gave her a compliment at a gas station, she didnt like it and later did a tiktok video about it, here is gregs video about it, what do you think of giving compliments? I dont mind getting them https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=doRA5wtWJfU  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it’s not the compliment , it’s the fact that women have constantly been sexually objectified by men , we have been attacked , assaulted , murdered by men ….. I don’t personally like receiving compliments from men in the street because it makes me feel unsafe …. And they don’t even comment on my work and say that’s great - so why comment on my body ?
This is not a good subject for me to
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't randomly stop a woman in the street with a compliment but if I'm in a group of people I'm familiar with or in the work setting etc then I would offer one as I think its just a nice thing to do. And most people need a little 'feel good' factor about themselves once in a while right? We are all overly critical of ourselves and its nice to know what other people see once in a while  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it’s not the compliment , it’s the fact that women have constantly been sexually objectified by men , we have been attacked , assaulted , murdered by men ….. I don’t personally like receiving compliments from men in the street because it makes me feel unsafe …. And they don’t even comment on my work and say that’s great - so why comment on my body ?
This is not a good subject for me to
Join in with lol"
Here we go again...Men, the eternal serial killers and rapists, how dare you to make a compliment, I'm so delicate and you make me feel unsafe with your compliment  |
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"I think it’s not the compliment , it’s the fact that women have constantly been sexually objectified by men , we have been attacked , assaulted , murdered by men ….. I don’t personally like receiving compliments from men in the street because it makes me feel unsafe …. And they don’t even comment on my work and say that’s great - so why comment on my body ?
This is not a good subject for me to
Join in with lol
Here we go again...Men, the eternal serial killers and rapists, how dare you to make a compliment, I'm so delicate and you make me feel unsafe with your compliment "
Really?? ‘I’m so delicate’
How can you post that, you have no idea what the poster may or may have not been through
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Didn't watch all the video clip. But I don't really agree with these two and they seem to be mixing two different things.
Should men be asking women for their phone numbers at a petrol station? No I don't think they should and that isn't a compliment in my opinion. A compliment is your car is amazingly clean.
Then they said people who don't like compliments it's their problem not the person giving the compliment. Which is a massive oversimplification. Yeah I do have a problem of men shouting great tits love from across the road. That's on them for being crude not me.
I don't think many have problems with compliments the giver would be happy to give if they were stood next to their mother. And this is the crux of the issue, it's the appropriateness of the compliment not giving a compliment itself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It all depends on context doesn't it?
I dont make a habit of complimenting random people.
People that complain that you can't compliment anyone anymore never seem to have been complimenting someone they weren't attracted to though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Okay so ppl wouldnt randomly stop a woman on the street and compliment her body, but, what if you were in a bar or cafe, you overhear a woman talking about a subject that shows shes a good person, so you spontaneously compliment her personality? Whos in the wrong if she took it poorly?
It might not even be her personality, what about an item of clothing that suits her, or the outfit shes wearing as a whole? Would it be wrong for a hetero man to make such a compliment to a female stranger? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I seldom receive random compliments from men, on the street, on an everyday basis. My job is very female oriented and it ain’t glam! I find modern day men pretty respectful on the whole, whereas remember feeling very uncomfortable as a younger lass, when they felt it was their God given right to comment on me.
Maybe I’m just a bit more invisible now I’m older. And if anyone says ‘who said that?’, I’ll bloody slap you!
Long story short, I really wouldn’t mind it, if done in a nice and non-sleazy way. Can totally understand why some women might feel differently however. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Okay so ppl wouldnt randomly stop a woman on the street and compliment her body, but, what if you were in a bar or cafe, you overhear a woman talking about a subject that shows shes a good person, so you spontaneously compliment her personality? Whos in the wrong if she took it poorly?
It might not even be her personality, what about an item of clothing that suits her, or the outfit shes wearing as a whole? Would it be wrong for a hetero man to make such a compliment to a female stranger?"
Everyone is going to react differently.
But I do think any compliment about someone's appearance is inappropriate unless there is a preexisting relationship |
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Depends on the compliment. I might say ‘I like your hair’ or ‘nice tattoos’. I wouldn’t say ‘great arse’ or ‘they are decent tits’ to a strange woman. Can’t promise I wouldn’t be thinking it though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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While paying a compliment as long as its genuine is ok as long as you don't have an ulterior motive. I paid one today to a customer but she started that side of the conversation.
Generally with lady friends and some guys I know too I'll pay compliments. They are very aware with my sense of humour that I will say the first thing on my mind too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I see anyone, male, female, whoever, and they’re wearing something I like, or just look amazing for whatever reason, then I can’t help but pay a compliment.
I can understand why it would be uncomfortable for a woman though and I’m very careful about paying compliments and usually refrain for reasons mentioned above. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
Context shag. Context is key.
Your post is very open ended then uses a specific situation to prove your assertion.
That’s not how this works.
Making comments and sexualising women in situations when they don’t want to be is misogynistic. Especially if the men get aggressive and annoyed that the compliment wasn’t well received.
If I walked up to my male boss now and complimented him, he’d tell me to f*ck off. Why would it be different for a woman in random situations? |
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"Why do some men get so incensed about it being their right to compliment ( pass comment on) a woman and then get the hump if it isn't well received?"
I don’t think men do think it’s their right. But there is definitely a fear to compliment, and that doesn’t seem right either. We think the world is very unbalanced when it comes to men and women complimenting each other. |
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Ah it wasn't him that paid the compliment. It was him stitching a video by a woman saying she didn't like someone approaching her at a gas station to pay her a compliment. Then makes out that it's the guys that are the victim because their no1 fear is fear of rejection so us women should just be gracious to protect them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do "guerilla complimenting" if I like something about someone, usual clothing, hair, make up, tattoos or just what ever, then I tell them.
Usually at work so I'm moving on as I give the compliment, then it's not intense or a big deal lol.
I've only had 2 people not be happy. One was just totally puzzled, I complimented his hoodie and the other just frowned, I'd complimented her tattoo.
I think it's a lot to do with how the guy did it and what he said. Attitude is everything. Anything can sound or feel creepy as fuck. |
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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
Slightly not the same.
I was sat on the tram yesterday and gazing around. I caught someone's eye by accident (wtf, I wasn't engrossed in my phone!) and so I smiled at them and moved my gaze onwards. We ended up getting off at the same stop. He politely approached me and said hey, and that he thought I was interested in him? I responded that no I was just spreading a friendly smile. He was lovely about it and said keep smiling.
I liked his confidence, it's a pity I didn't fancy him.
Some people will appreciate things like that. It was a little boost for me if slightly awkward. I know from previous threads that many ppl struggle to accept compliments and some are oblivious to being hit on. |
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I've always over thought compliments and wonder if they are sincere, or a veiled sarcastic dig, but that's just me.
I knew a man who was sacked from his job for telling a lady he liked the way she dressed and enjoyed her perfumes, or appreciated the effort she made to look nice etc, so I guess compliments are probably best avoided in some situations.
Which actually seems rather sad on reflection, and yes I know that makes me contradict myself, life is complicated sometimes isn't it?  |
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I regularly compliment folk - men and women - if something they say/do/are wearing pleases me. Im always aware of the context though.
Conversely, I'd be pleased if I was politely complimented.
Being hassled/disrespectful/generally creepy is not ok. To either sex. |
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"Sadly I think the old saying “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing” doesn’t ring true anymore
I think it’s better these days to just keep any comments, good or bad, to yourself. "
If only some people would |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A nice non creepy compliment is lovely but men who beep or shout out of windows while going past in white vans isn't. That really creeps me out especially if I'm with my little girl  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes they can but it then comes down to if that compliment is objectifying them or humanising them.
There is a big difference between the 2. Knowing when to compliment and what to compliment on odd something that more men can learn and not feel so uneasy about paying a sincere compliment to a woman for fear of a backlash |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it’s not the compliment , it’s the fact that women have constantly been sexually objectified by men , we have been attacked , assaulted , murdered by men ….. I don’t personally like receiving compliments from men in the street because it makes me feel unsafe …. And they don’t even comment on my work and say that’s great - so why comment on my body ?
This is not a good subject for me to
Join in with lol
Here we go again...Men, the eternal serial killers and rapists, how dare you to make a compliment, I'm so delicate and you make me feel unsafe with your compliment "
Lol..can't live em. Can't live without em. |
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What the chuff is wrong about about giving some stranger a compliment? In the past I've asked a lass 'what's that perfume you're wearing,it's gorgeous '..I went and bought some for my then girlfriend..was I wrong to ask a stranger,? I bet she had a 'skip in her step 'when she went home. |
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I’ll watch the video but I don’t see why not. It depends on what the compliment is and ensuring that it’s not a faux compliment or said the expectation of anything.
I compliment women on here all the time, if it’s deserved, and no one has told me to fuck off as a result |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it’s not the compliment , it’s the fact that women have constantly been sexually objectified by men , we have been attacked , assaulted , murdered by men ….. I don’t personally like receiving compliments from men in the street because it makes me feel unsafe …. And they don’t even comment on my work and say that’s great - so why comment on my body ?
This is not a good subject for me to
Join in with lol
Here we go again...Men, the eternal serial killers and rapists, how dare you to make a compliment, I'm so delicate and you make me feel unsafe with your compliment
Really?? ‘I’m so delicate’
How can you post that, you have no idea what the poster may or may have not been through
"
Thank you ! Funny isn’t it - a man digging a woman out and a woman coming to defend her …. Point in case eh?
It really isn’t about men being eternal serial
Killers , your over reaction shows how fragile and delicate you really are ! It’s about not knowing who might harm me , whose compliments are loaded by something else and whose are harmless .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes they can but it then comes down to if that compliment is objectifying them or humanising them.
There is a big difference between the 2. Knowing when to compliment and what to compliment on odd something that more men can learn and not feel so uneasy about paying a sincere compliment to a woman for fear of a backlash"
Round of fucking applause !!!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never, I repeat never compliment a woman, just say that was satisfactory, also never I repeat never tell a woman to smile, look what happened to da Vinci. |
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"What the chuff is wrong about about giving some stranger a compliment? In the past I've asked a lass 'what's that perfume you're wearing,it's gorgeous '..I went and bought some for my then girlfriend..was I wrong to ask a stranger,? I bet she had a 'skip in her step 'when she went home. "
It's one creepy way men try and get in our space. Our protective instincts are to smile and reply because we have no idea where that is leading to and highly likely to end in feeling unsafe and incredibly frightened of the outcome.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ll watch the video but I don’t see why not. It depends on what the compliment is and ensuring that it’s not a faux compliment or said the expectation of anything.
I compliment women on here all the time, if it’s deserved, and no one has told me to fuck off as a result "
Again, it's context. This is online, it comes with the territory so no surprise element and women can just ignore or block. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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".
It's one creepy way men try and get in our space. Our protective instincts are to smile and reply because we have no idea where that is leading to and highly likely to end in feeling unsafe and incredibly frightened of the outcome.
"
This is so accurate . I was once in the gym and squatting when a guy came over and said he liked the depth of my squat …… I panicked and smiled and said thank you. He probably thought I meant it but actually I thought
“smile and be nice because your at the gym on your own and it’s dark outside and where is my car parked in the car park ? “ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do some men get so incensed about it being their right to compliment ( pass comment on) a woman and then get the hump if it isn't well received?"
I get incensed at men telling me to "cheer up Luv" or "smile, you will look prettier". I would love to say "fuck off" but instead I smile wanly and walk quickly on. Because that's the safe thing to do. |
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"I think it’s not the compliment , it’s the fact that women have constantly been sexually objectified by men , we have been attacked , assaulted , murdered by men ….. I don’t personally like receiving compliments from men in the street because it makes me feel unsafe …. And they don’t even comment on my work and say that’s great - so why comment on my body ?
This is not a good subject for me to
Join in with lol
Here we go again...Men, the eternal serial killers and rapists, how dare you to make a compliment, I'm so delicate and you make me feel unsafe with your compliment "
Misogyny in action.
Demonise the person objecting rather than NOT perpetuate this sort of behaviour. |
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"Depends on the compliment. I might say ‘I like your hair’ or ‘nice tattoos’. I wouldn’t say ‘great arse’ or ‘they are decent tits’ to a strange woman. Can’t promise I wouldn’t be thinking it though. "
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"I think it’s not the compliment , it’s the fact that women have constantly been sexually objectified by men , we have been attacked , assaulted , murdered by men ….. I don’t personally like receiving compliments from men in the street because it makes me feel unsafe …. And they don’t even comment on my work and say that’s great - so why comment on my body ?
This is not a good subject for me to
Join in with lol
Here we go again...Men, the eternal serial killers and rapists, how dare you to make a compliment, I'm so delicate and you make me feel unsafe with your compliment
Misogyny in action.
Demonise the person objecting rather than NOT perpetuate this sort of behaviour."
Spot on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I got a compliment from senior male +female colleagues in a meeting that i make the complex easy to understand, have good delivery and good presentation style.. That is the kind of compliment i want!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was walking through the city centre last night, it was around 7 but obviously dark.
The guy was walking in the same direction. He said “wow, you are beautiful” and I said “oh, thanks” and kept walking.
He didn’t say anything more and was obviously already walking in the same direction but I couldn’t wait to get to my destination and upped my pace from that moment on.
Sad really but such is life. |
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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago
Lincolnshire |
I've honestly never felt the need to compliment a random woman, if she's beautiful, has lovely hair, is well dressed, or has a great figure, I've always assumed she's clever enough to already know that without the need of my observations.
K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would happily receive a compliment when I'm out and about. There is no harm in it.
I would much rather receive a compliment in person than the messages I receive on here telling me I'm beautiful, when they don't even know what I look like. Now that is ridiculous. |
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By *ommo60Man
over a year ago
STOCKPORT |
well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman. |
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"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman. "
Ah the feminist/misandrist hybrid. No time for women like that. Feel they have something to prove. You can also find these spouting their offence and offence by proxy all over social media.
You carry on being a gentleman. There’s still some of us left who like it |
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"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman. "
But you made it about her being a lady by what you said. You could have just smiled and said 'after you'. The gesture would have been appreciated all the same. |
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"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman. "
I'm 61. Do you know how many men used that excuse to touch me or place themselves in a position where I had to squeeze past thereby inadvertently touching them? If I declined, I then had to face the possibility of retribution I knew I wouldn't be able to handle.
I grew up knowing that men were predators because lots of you are and there's no way of knowing if you're not.
In my teens, we were told to shout 'fire' if we needed help rather than anything else because nobody tended to respond to a woman being attacked otherwise.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman.
Ah the feminist/misandrist hybrid. No time for women like that. Feel they have something to prove. You can also find these spouting their offence and offence by proxy all over social media.
You carry on being a gentleman. There’s still some of us left who like it "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Compliments are nice, I rarely know women who need or even deserve a compliment.
Good gracious, what have people become that they find a rant when someone compliments them? Really? But it all depends what is said and how it is said.
Nice ass! Or, you look nice in that dress.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All depends on the compliment & context.
I've been approached in the supermarket by a guy who said I was lovely and said he wanted to buy me coffee. Never laid eyes on him before. He probably meant no harm but it unsettled me a bit and made me feel uncomfortable.
On a night out, in a pub, in a social setting where people are obviously looking to mingle? Absolutely. "You have a lovely figure....like your hair ..blah, blah". All a nice wee confidence boost and not creepy.
But a compliment from a female is always better |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do some men get so incensed about it being their right to compliment ( pass comment on) a woman and then get the hump if it isn't well received?
I get incensed at men telling me to "cheer up Luv" or "smile, you will look prettier". I would love to say "fuck off" but instead I smile wanly and walk quickly on. Because that's the safe thing to do. "
They're the ones who would usually look better with a fucking bag over their head. I have shared this advice on occasions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What if you think that a woman is wearing a lovely hat, do you just keep to yourself or text a mate saying, I saw a woman wearing a lovely hat ?"
Only if you're Gok Wan. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, I just comlimentwd a guy on his car, a Dodge Challenger. We got talking for about 5 mins. Good conversation. No problems.  "
What was the comlimentwd out of interest? |
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"I was walking through the city centre last night, it was around 7 but obviously dark.
The guy was walking in the same direction. He said “wow, you are beautiful” and I said “oh, thanks” and kept walking.
He didn’t say anything more and was obviously already walking in the same direction but I couldn’t wait to get to my destination and upped my pace from that moment on.
Sad really but such is life."
I walked through Southport station at 7 and I was far more unnerved than I would be in Liverpool! Desolate with very many 'randoms' roaming around. |
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"I was walking through the city centre last night, it was around 7 but obviously dark.
The guy was walking in the same direction. He said “wow, you are beautiful” and I said “oh, thanks” and kept walking.
He didn’t say anything more and was obviously already walking in the same direction but I couldn’t wait to get to my destination and upped my pace from that moment on.
Sad really but such is life.
I walked through Southport station at 7 and I was far more unnerved than I would be in Liverpool! Desolate with very many 'randoms' roaming around. "
Try Luton on a sunny afternoon in August, that's the true meaning of frightened.
Although I've never been to Liverpool Granny, so really, a poor comparison. |
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I was brought up that complimenting people (and that includes women) was a good thing...and holding doors open etc was polite and a good thing. In truth probably more to people I already knew than randoms.
But in the last year or so my daughters made me aware of some of the horrors young women (probably all women) have to navigate, on their own and in groups. And whilst we might have the best of intentions, and think we are being nice, it's not always welcomed, sometimes it's threatening and often they just want to go about their business without second guessing what a blokes motivations are. We just need to be a bit more aware of that. It's a shame but it's the way it is. |
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"I was brought up that complimenting people (and that includes women) was a good thing...and holding doors open etc was polite and a good thing. In truth probably more to people I already knew than randoms.
But in the last year or so my daughters made me aware of some of the horrors young women (probably all women) have to navigate, on their own and in groups. And whilst we might have the best of intentions, and think we are being nice, it's not always welcomed, sometimes it's threatening and often they just want to go about their business without second guessing what a blokes motivations are. We just need to be a bit more aware of that. It's a shame but it's the way it is. "
Holding a door open is threatening? No
I can’t accept that |
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"Of course they can. I watched one of coach gregs videos where he had a rant about it of how a woman treated the guy who gave her a compliment at a gas station, she didnt like it and later did a tiktok video about it, here is gregs video about it, what do you think of giving compliments? I dont mind getting them https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=doRA5wtWJfU "
You don't mind getting compliments. That's ace.
Would you feel the same if you didn't know the intention behind the compliment?
At work I'm often complimented, by both men and women. I'm told I handled situations well, or that I'm the best waitress they've ever had anywhere they've been. (I'm also told by some that I'm rude - you know, the people I won't approach or interrupt coz they're on their phone or being obnoxious)
That's all cool with me, that's on my who-ness, my ability.
I'm cool with kids telling me they like my hair or makeup. It's sweet, it's innocent.
I've even had people tell me "you're a laugh, wanna hang out some time?" and I'm cool with that.
What's not cool is being told "nice arse" or something similar, especially in a place where I'm unsure of my surroundings, don't know the person or their intentions etc.
I'm not a prude but there really is a time and a place. Now, even at work with my colleagues I'd be cool with them telling me my arse looked great in a new pair of trousers for example, because I know them, because we're mates and I know it's not meant in a letchy or creepy way.
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"I was brought up that complimenting people (and that includes women) was a good thing...and holding doors open etc was polite and a good thing. In truth probably more to people I already knew than randoms.
But in the last year or so my daughters made me aware of some of the horrors young women (probably all women) have to navigate, on their own and in groups. And whilst we might have the best of intentions, and think we are being nice, it's not always welcomed, sometimes it's threatening and often they just want to go about their business without second guessing what a blokes motivations are. We just need to be a bit more aware of that. It's a shame but it's the way it is.
Holding a door open is threatening? No
I can’t accept that "
It can be when they don't leave a big enough gap and to get through your body has to squish against theirs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was brought up that complimenting people (and that includes women) was a good thing...and holding doors open etc was polite and a good thing. In truth probably more to people I already knew than randoms.
But in the last year or so my daughters made me aware of some of the horrors young women (probably all women) have to navigate, on their own and in groups. And whilst we might have the best of intentions, and think we are being nice, it's not always welcomed, sometimes it's threatening and often they just want to go about their business without second guessing what a blokes motivations are. We just need to be a bit more aware of that. It's a shame but it's the way it is.
Holding a door open is threatening? No
I can’t accept that "
I didn't interpret it that way, it was that women and girls have to be hyper-aware. My daughter is 13 and already encountering hassle and creepy comments in broad daylight and in shops. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, I just comlimentwd a guy on his car, a Dodge Challenger. We got talking for about 5 mins. Good conversation. No problems.
What was the comlimentwd out of interest? "
I think he was compensating for something  I didn’t tell him this.
Just ‘nice car is it yours’ etc and then started chatting about American v English cars.
Im from Manchester, we chat to strangers… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, I just comlimentwd a guy on his car, a Dodge Challenger. We got talking for about 5 mins. Good conversation. No problems.
What was the comlimentwd out of interest?
I think he was compensating for something I didn’t tell him this.
Just ‘nice car is it yours’ etc and then started chatting about American v English cars.
Im from Manchester, we chat to strangers… "
I'm from Australia. We chat to anyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was brought up that complimenting people (and that includes women) was a good thing...and holding doors open etc was polite and a good thing. In truth probably more to people I already knew than randoms.
But in the last year or so my daughters made me aware of some of the horrors young women (probably all women) have to navigate, on their own and in groups. And whilst we might have the best of intentions, and think we are being nice, it's not always welcomed, sometimes it's threatening and often they just want to go about their business without second guessing what a blokes motivations are. We just need to be a bit more aware of that. It's a shame but it's the way it is. "
This is the most sane comment from a man on this thread. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Here's the best piece of advice that I've read on this.
Men, if you're talking to a woman you don't know on the street, don't say anything that you wouldn't want a man to say to you in prison. |
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"I was brought up that complimenting people (and that includes women) was a good thing...and holding doors open etc was polite and a good thing. In truth probably more to people I already knew than randoms.
But in the last year or so my daughters made me aware of some of the horrors young women (probably all women) have to navigate, on their own and in groups. And whilst we might have the best of intentions, and think we are being nice, it's not always welcomed, sometimes it's threatening and often they just want to go about their business without second guessing what a blokes motivations are. We just need to be a bit more aware of that. It's a shame but it's the way it is.
This is the most sane comment from a man on this thread."
It is and it warmed my cockles that the conversations are being had and the words listened to and understood. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman.
Ah the feminist/misandrist hybrid. No time for women like that. Feel they have something to prove. You can also find these spouting their offence and offence by proxy all over social media.
You carry on being a gentleman. There’s still some of us left who like it "
The issue is they are possbily becoming becoming the majority. Atleast they are most vocal. Look at the power Twitter holds over companies while only the minority of the UK even use it, yeah it has the power to shape our culture, just like TikTok. This is stuff they are taught and pick up through school now and into university and a few years after that will be working in your HR department |
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Surely the issue to address is the spiking and stealthing, the threats and assaults and r£pes the fact they have to go to loos in groups or walk eachother to bus stops and check when they are home safely or cross the road or taken heels off or get hands wrapped around keys just in case, or they darent wear an item of clothing for fear of encouraging unwanted attention, the culture and environment that tolerates and encourages this is the real issue. Sure be nice to people, but let's not delude ourselves that there isn't an issue. If someone feels threatened they feel the way they feel, threatened and no amount of telling them they are feminist or any other name is going to help that. As someone has said already, yeah it's very sad indeed but it's also the reality for many. Sure it's being exploited too by those with agendas,... No idea what the answer is though. But here's a breathtakingly shocking statistic my daughter was told in 6th form pre uni.... A third of you will be sexually harrassed by the time you finish your course.... Don't believe it? Look at some of these...
https://revoltsexualassault.com/research/
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/mar/10/almost-all-young-women-in-the-uk-have-been-sexually-harassed-survey-finds
Sorry to be a downer but as someone with a daughter ive had my eyes opened a bit lately.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Surely the issue to address is the spiking and stealthing, the threats and assaults and r£pes the fact they have to go to loos in groups or walk eachother to bus stops and check when they are home safely or cross the road or taken heels off or get hands wrapped around keys just in case, or they darent wear an item of clothing for fear of encouraging unwanted attention, the culture and environment that tolerates and encourages this is the real issue. Sure be nice to people, but let's not delude ourselves that there isn't an issue. If someone feels threatened they feel the way they feel, threatened and no amount of telling them they are feminist or any other name is going to help that. As someone has said already, yeah it's very sad indeed but it's also the reality for many. Sure it's being exploited too by those with agendas,... No idea what the answer is though. But here's a breathtakingly shocking statistic my daughter was told in 6th form pre uni.... A third of you will be sexually harrassed by the time you finish your course.... Don't believe it? Look at some of these...
https://revoltsexualassault.com/research/
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/mar/10/almost-all-young-women-in-the-uk-have-been-sexually-harassed-survey-finds
Sorry to be a downer but as someone with a daughter ive had my eyes opened a bit lately.
"
Only a third? I'm surprised. |
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"Surely the issue to address is the spiking and stealthing, the threats and assaults and r£pes the fact they have to go to loos in groups or walk eachother to bus stops and check when they are home safely or cross the road or taken heels off or get hands wrapped around keys just in case, or they darent wear an item of clothing for fear of encouraging unwanted attention, the culture and environment that tolerates and encourages this is the real issue. Sure be nice to people, but let's not delude ourselves that there isn't an issue. If someone feels threatened they feel the way they feel, threatened and no amount of telling them they are feminist or any other name is going to help that. As someone has said already, yeah it's very sad indeed but it's also the reality for many. Sure it's being exploited too by those with agendas,... No idea what the answer is though. But here's a breathtakingly shocking statistic my daughter was told in 6th form pre uni.... A third of you will be sexually harrassed by the time you finish your course.... Don't believe it? Look at some of these...
https://revoltsexualassault.com/research/
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/mar/10/almost-all-young-women-in-the-uk-have-been-sexually-harassed-survey-finds
Sorry to be a downer but as someone with a daughter ive had my eyes opened a bit lately.
Only a third? I'm surprised. "
The figure for the survey seems low too when you look at what they list as the criteria, you’d think it would be closer to 100% for all people asked |
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"Surely the issue to address is the spiking and stealthing, the threats and assaults and r£pes the fact they have to go to loos in groups or walk eachother to bus stops and check when they are home safely or cross the road or taken heels off or get hands wrapped around keys just in case, or they darent wear an item of clothing for fear of encouraging unwanted attention, the culture and environment that tolerates and encourages this is the real issue. Sure be nice to people, but let's not delude ourselves that there isn't an issue. If someone feels threatened they feel the way they feel, threatened and no amount of telling them they are feminist or any other name is going to help that. As someone has said already, yeah it's very sad indeed but it's also the reality for many. Sure it's being exploited too by those with agendas,... No idea what the answer is though. But here's a breathtakingly shocking statistic my daughter was told in 6th form pre uni.... A third of you will be sexually harrassed by the time you finish your course.... Don't believe it? Look at some of these...
https://revoltsexualassault.com/research/
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/mar/10/almost-all-young-women-in-the-uk-have-been-sexually-harassed-survey-finds
Sorry to be a downer but as someone with a daughter ive had my eyes opened a bit lately.
"
Absolutely agree with all of this. I too have daughters. This is totally different to what I commented on though, the holding doors open, being a gentleman. |
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"Surely the issue to address is the spiking and stealthing, the threats and assaults and r£pes the fact they have to go to loos in groups or walk eachother to bus stops and check when they are home safely or cross the road or taken heels off or get hands wrapped around keys just in case, or they darent wear an item of clothing for fear of encouraging unwanted attention, the culture and environment that tolerates and encourages this is the real issue. Sure be nice to people, but let's not delude ourselves that there isn't an issue. If someone feels threatened they feel the way they feel, threatened and no amount of telling them they are feminist or any other name is going to help that. As someone has said already, yeah it's very sad indeed but it's also the reality for many. Sure it's being exploited too by those with agendas,... No idea what the answer is though. But here's a breathtakingly shocking statistic my daughter was told in 6th form pre uni.... A third of you will be sexually harrassed by the time you finish your course.... Don't believe it? Look at some of these...
https://revoltsexualassault.com/research/
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/mar/10/almost-all-young-women-in-the-uk-have-been-sexually-harassed-survey-finds
Sorry to be a downer but as someone with a daughter ive had my eyes opened a bit lately.
Only a third? I'm surprised.
The figure for the survey seems low too when you look at what they list as the criteria, you’d think it would be closer to 100% for all people asked "
I can’t click on the links but it depends what is classed as sexual harassment. On a recent thread a lot of the women said being told naughty jokes was sexual harassment. Someone looking at them etc. I don’t call that sexual harassment. |
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"Surely the issue to address is the spiking and stealthing, the threats and assaults and r£pes the fact they have to go to loos in groups or walk eachother to bus stops and check when they are home safely or cross the road or taken heels off or get hands wrapped around keys just in case, or they darent wear an item of clothing for fear of encouraging unwanted attention, the culture and environment that tolerates and encourages this is the real issue. Sure be nice to people, but let's not delude ourselves that there isn't an issue. If someone feels threatened they feel the way they feel, threatened and no amount of telling them they are feminist or any other name is going to help that. As someone has said already, yeah it's very sad indeed but it's also the reality for many. Sure it's being exploited too by those with agendas,... No idea what the answer is though. But here's a breathtakingly shocking statistic my daughter was told in 6th form pre uni.... A third of you will be sexually harrassed by the time you finish your course.... Don't believe it? Look at some of these...
https://revoltsexualassault.com/research/
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/mar/10/almost-all-young-women-in-the-uk-have-been-sexually-harassed-survey-finds
Sorry to be a downer but as someone with a daughter ive had my eyes opened a bit lately.
Only a third? I'm surprised.
The figure for the survey seems low too when you look at what they list as the criteria, you’d think it would be closer to 100% for all people asked
I can’t click on the links but it depends what is classed as sexual harassment. On a recent thread a lot of the women said being told naughty jokes was sexual harassment. Someone looking at them etc. I don’t call that sexual harassment. "
This survey listed “seeng a sexual joke online” as sexual harassment
Which makes me wonder how they got such a low number. And is it only online? Which might suggest why the number isn’t high since some older people in the survey might legitimately not have seen that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Surely the issue to address is the spiking and stealthing, the threats and assaults and r£pes the fact they have to go to loos in groups or walk eachother to bus stops and check when they are home safely or cross the road or taken heels off or get hands wrapped around keys just in case, or they darent wear an item of clothing for fear of encouraging unwanted attention, the culture and environment that tolerates and encourages this is the real issue. Sure be nice to people, but let's not delude ourselves that there isn't an issue. If someone feels threatened they feel the way they feel, threatened and no amount of telling them they are feminist or any other name is going to help that. As someone has said already, yeah it's very sad indeed but it's also the reality for many. Sure it's being exploited too by those with agendas,... No idea what the answer is though. But here's a breathtakingly shocking statistic my daughter was told in 6th form pre uni.... A third of you will be sexually harrassed by the time you finish your course.... Don't believe it? Look at some of these...
https://revoltsexualassault.com/research/
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/mar/10/almost-all-young-women-in-the-uk-have-been-sexually-harassed-survey-finds
Sorry to be a downer but as someone with a daughter ive had my eyes opened a bit lately.
Only a third? I'm surprised.
The figure for the survey seems low too when you look at what they list as the criteria, you’d think it would be closer to 100% for all people asked "
Yeah i had quick look through the article. Nowhere did it define what they class as sexual assault
There are people out there that think holding the door open for them, or being awkwardly asked out or telling dirty jokes is classed as such
Also i would say there is a slight bias in asking uni students as i would guess there is a higher proportion that it could happen to due to immaturity, alcohol, drugs and being away from parents for the first time. Plus a general lack of life experience. Personally something bad happened to me at that age (21). Mainly due to a bit of immaturity and wanting to try something new. Not sure if it was sexual assault as i cant actually remember what happened for about 6 hours of the night, but im sure it technically was. |
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"I was walking through the city centre last night, it was around 7 but obviously dark.
The guy was walking in the same direction. He said “wow, you are beautiful” and I said “oh, thanks” and kept walking.
He didn’t say anything more and was obviously already walking in the same direction but I couldn’t wait to get to my destination and upped my pace from that moment on.
Sad really but such is life.
I walked through Southport station at 7 and I was far more unnerved than I would be in Liverpool! Desolate with very many 'randoms' roaming around.
Try Luton on a sunny afternoon in August, that's the true meaning of frightened.
Although I've never been to Liverpool Granny, so really, a poor comparison."
I always feel safe in Liverpool.
Busy main streets and stations and pubs and clubs and shoppers... anyone helps..... anyone even in the city. |
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"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman.
Ah the feminist/misandrist hybrid. No time for women like that. Feel they have something to prove. You can also find these spouting their offence and offence by proxy all over social media.
You carry on being a gentleman. There’s still some of us left who like it "
I would appreciate anyone holding a door open for me in the same way I would hold it open for anyone else who maybe passing through the door at the same time as me. Surely that is just good manners. |
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"Surely the issue to address is the spiking and stealthing, the threats and assaults and r£pes the fact they have to go to loos in groups or walk eachother to bus stops and check when they are home safely or cross the road or taken heels off or get hands wrapped around keys just in case, or they darent wear an item of clothing for fear of encouraging unwanted attention, the culture and environment that tolerates and encourages this is the real issue. Sure be nice to people, but let's not delude ourselves that there isn't an issue. If someone feels threatened they feel the way they feel, threatened and no amount of telling them they are feminist or any other name is going to help that. As someone has said already, yeah it's very sad indeed but it's also the reality for many. Sure it's being exploited too by those with agendas,... No idea what the answer is though. But here's a breathtakingly shocking statistic my daughter was told in 6th form pre uni.... A third of you will be sexually harrassed by the time you finish your course.... Don't believe it? Look at some of these...
https://revoltsexualassault.com/research/
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/mar/10/almost-all-young-women-in-the-uk-have-been-sexually-harassed-survey-finds
Sorry to be a downer but as someone with a daughter ive had my eyes opened a bit lately.
Only a third? I'm surprised.
The figure for the survey seems low too when you look at what they list as the criteria, you’d think it would be closer to 100% for all people asked
Yeah i had quick look through the article. Nowhere did it define what they class as sexual assault
There are people out there that think holding the door open for them, or being awkwardly asked out or telling dirty jokes is classed as such
Also i would say there is a slight bias in asking uni students as i would guess there is a higher proportion that it could happen to due to immaturity, alcohol, drugs and being away from parents for the first time. Plus a general lack of life experience. Personally something bad happened to me at that age (21). Mainly due to a bit of immaturity and wanting to try something new. Not sure if it was sexual assault as i cant actually remember what happened for about 6 hours of the night, but im sure it technically was."
Not to mention that their sample size is 1089. Not quite a big enough sample size if you ask me.
I imagine if a rolled out the same survey on site I’d get 100%.
Now I know that’s not the truth. Men aren’t facing sexual harassment more than women. So that would suggest the survey is skewed somehow |
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"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman.
Ah the feminist/misandrist hybrid. No time for women like that. Feel they have something to prove. You can also find these spouting their offence and offence by proxy all over social media.
You carry on being a gentleman. There’s still some of us left who like it
I would appreciate anyone holding a door open for me in the same way I would hold it open for anyone else who maybe passing through the door at the same time as me. Surely that is just good manners. "
Exactly. Of course it is |
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"Surely the issue to address is the spiking and stealthing, the threats and assaults and r£pes the fact they have to go to loos in groups or walk eachother to bus stops and check when they are home safely or cross the road or taken heels off or get hands wrapped around keys just in case, or they darent wear an item of clothing for fear of encouraging unwanted attention, the culture and environment that tolerates and encourages this is the real issue. Sure be nice to people, but let's not delude ourselves that there isn't an issue. If someone feels threatened they feel the way they feel, threatened and no amount of telling them they are feminist or any other name is going to help that. As someone has said already, yeah it's very sad indeed but it's also the reality for many. Sure it's being exploited too by those with agendas,... No idea what the answer is though. But here's a breathtakingly shocking statistic my daughter was told in 6th form pre uni.... A third of you will be sexually harrassed by the time you finish your course.... Don't believe it? Look at some of these...
https://revoltsexualassault.com/research/
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/mar/10/almost-all-young-women-in-the-uk-have-been-sexually-harassed-survey-finds
Sorry to be a downer but as someone with a daughter ive had my eyes opened a bit lately.
Only a third? I'm surprised.
The figure for the survey seems low too when you look at what they list as the criteria, you’d think it would be closer to 100% for all people asked
I can’t click on the links but it depends what is classed as sexual harassment. On a recent thread a lot of the women said being told naughty jokes was sexual harassment. Someone looking at them etc. I don’t call that sexual harassment. "
Yes sorry for taking us off piste a bit... But behaviours seemed to be the loose theme, and as you may have noticed... I have feelings about it. We are never too old to learn and be better. |
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"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman.
Ah the feminist/misandrist hybrid. No time for women like that. Feel they have something to prove. You can also find these spouting their offence and offence by proxy all over social media.
You carry on being a gentleman. There’s still some of us left who like it
I would appreciate anyone holding a door open for me in the same way I would hold it open for anyone else who maybe passing through the door at the same time as me. Surely that is just good manners.
Exactly. Of course it is "
But would he have done the same for a young man and made a comment on age before beauty or something similar. If it's just good manners it's good manners for all and bit just ladies first? |
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"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman.
Ah the feminist/misandrist hybrid. No time for women like that. Feel they have something to prove. You can also find these spouting their offence and offence by proxy all over social media.
You carry on being a gentleman. There’s still some of us left who like it
I would appreciate anyone holding a door open for me in the same way I would hold it open for anyone else who maybe passing through the door at the same time as me. Surely that is just good manners.
Exactly. Of course it is
But would he have done the same for a young man and made a comment on age before beauty or something similar. If it's just good manners it's good manners for all and bit just ladies first? "
Really? So a man can’t say ladies first anymore without a woman finding it offensive? I just don’t have that same mentality I’m afraid. I can’t even argue/debate it. |
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"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman.
Ah the feminist/misandrist hybrid. No time for women like that. Feel they have something to prove. You can also find these spouting their offence and offence by proxy all over social media.
You carry on being a gentleman. There’s still some of us left who like it
I would appreciate anyone holding a door open for me in the same way I would hold it open for anyone else who maybe passing through the door at the same time as me. Surely that is just good manners.
Exactly. Of course it is
But would he have done the same for a young man and made a comment on age before beauty or something similar. If it's just good manners it's good manners for all and bit just ladies first?
Really? So a man can’t say ladies first anymore without a woman finding it offensive? I just don’t have that same mentality I’m afraid. I can’t even argue/debate it. "
So because you have no issue with it or have not felt threatened as several women above have explained they've been made to feel through 'innocent' interactions then there isn't an issue to be discussed? Nora has decreed it is ridiculous, end of! I see.
Manners is fine but they are for everyone, not just 'ladies first' is my point. |
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"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman.
Ah the feminist/misandrist hybrid. No time for women like that. Feel they have something to prove. You can also find these spouting their offence and offence by proxy all over social media.
You carry on being a gentleman. There’s still some of us left who like it
I would appreciate anyone holding a door open for me in the same way I would hold it open for anyone else who maybe passing through the door at the same time as me. Surely that is just good manners.
Exactly. Of course it is
But would he have done the same for a young man and made a comment on age before beauty or something similar. If it's just good manners it's good manners for all and bit just ladies first?
Really? So a man can’t say ladies first anymore without a woman finding it offensive? I just don’t have that same mentality I’m afraid. I can’t even argue/debate it.
So because you have no issue with it or have not felt threatened as several women above have explained they've been made to feel through 'innocent' interactions then there isn't an issue to be discussed? Nora has decreed it is ridiculous, end of! I see.
Manners is fine but they are for everyone, not just 'ladies first' is my point. "
I guess the question is how many things are you happy with society scrubbing out because of someone’s feelings?
Would you be happy with a grey existence where no one talks to anyone? Which I know is extremely, but you’ve gotta realise that that’s kinda the road this is heading down. If I find it offensive or scary when someone asks the time, can we all agree no one can ask anyone the time now?
What about if Nora feels pressured and uncomfortable if someone asks her directions? Is that outlawed now?
A few people have already expressed on here that they feel it’s a little sad you can’t just give a compliment these days without it causing an issue.
At some point we’ve gotta draw a line and say you are responsible for your own feelings. We can’t keep blunting social interactions to please someone.
I imagine a future where everyone has to wear shades because looking at someone is now deemed a threat. But I look cool in shades so |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman.
Ah the feminist/misandrist hybrid. No time for women like that. Feel they have something to prove. You can also find these spouting their offence and offence by proxy all over social media.
You carry on being a gentleman. There’s still some of us left who like it
I would appreciate anyone holding a door open for me in the same way I would hold it open for anyone else who maybe passing through the door at the same time as me. Surely that is just good manners.
Exactly. Of course it is
But would he have done the same for a young man and made a comment on age before beauty or something similar. If it's just good manners it's good manners for all and bit just ladies first?
Really? So a man can’t say ladies first anymore without a woman finding it offensive? I just don’t have that same mentality I’m afraid. I can’t even argue/debate it.
So because you have no issue with it or have not felt threatened as several women above have explained they've been made to feel through 'innocent' interactions then there isn't an issue to be discussed? Nora has decreed it is ridiculous, end of! I see.
Manners is fine but they are for everyone, not just 'ladies first' is my point.
I guess the question is how many things are you happy with society scrubbing out because of someone’s feelings?
Would you be happy with a grey existence where no one talks to anyone? Which I know is extremely, but you’ve gotta realise that that’s kinda the road this is heading down. If I find it offensive or scary when someone asks the time, can we all agree no one can ask anyone the time now?
What about if Nora feels pressured and uncomfortable if someone asks her directions? Is that outlawed now?
A few people have already expressed on here that they feel it’s a little sad you can’t just give a compliment these days without it causing an issue.
At some point we’ve gotta draw a line and say you are responsible for your own feelings. We can’t keep blunting social interactions to please someone.
I imagine a future where everyone has to wear shades because looking at someone is now deemed a threat. But I look cool in shades so "
The world is slowly becoming Demolition Man in many ways
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"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman.
Ah the feminist/misandrist hybrid. No time for women like that. Feel they have something to prove. You can also find these spouting their offence and offence by proxy all over social media.
You carry on being a gentleman. There’s still some of us left who like it
I would appreciate anyone holding a door open for me in the same way I would hold it open for anyone else who maybe passing through the door at the same time as me. Surely that is just good manners.
Exactly. Of course it is
But would he have done the same for a young man and made a comment on age before beauty or something similar. If it's just good manners it's good manners for all and bit just ladies first?
Really? So a man can’t say ladies first anymore without a woman finding it offensive? I just don’t have that same mentality I’m afraid. I can’t even argue/debate it.
So because you have no issue with it or have not felt threatened as several women above have explained they've been made to feel through 'innocent' interactions then there isn't an issue to be discussed? Nora has decreed it is ridiculous, end of! I see.
Manners is fine but they are for everyone, not just 'ladies first' is my point.
I guess the question is how many things are you happy with society scrubbing out because of someone’s feelings?
Would you be happy with a grey existence where no one talks to anyone? Which I know is extremely, but you’ve gotta realise that that’s kinda the road this is heading down. If I find it offensive or scary when someone asks the time, can we all agree no one can ask anyone the time now?
What about if Nora feels pressured and uncomfortable if someone asks her directions? Is that outlawed now?
A few people have already expressed on here that they feel it’s a little sad you can’t just give a compliment these days without it causing an issue.
At some point we’ve gotta draw a line and say you are responsible for your own feelings. We can’t keep blunting social interactions to please someone.
I imagine a future where everyone has to wear shades because looking at someone is now deemed a threat. But I look cool in shades so "
I see where your trying to come from… but surely there’s also some responsibility from people to it purposely make people uncomfortable?
I think that’s all people ask for, not to never be allowed to do anything again.
Walking into a busy building saying ladies first, fine.
Walking into a dark parking garage and man says ladies first… not okay to me.
It’s all about a bit of understanding and empathy for me x |
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"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman.
Ah the feminist/misandrist hybrid. No time for women like that. Feel they have something to prove. You can also find these spouting their offence and offence by proxy all over social media.
You carry on being a gentleman. There’s still some of us left who like it
I would appreciate anyone holding a door open for me in the same way I would hold it open for anyone else who maybe passing through the door at the same time as me. Surely that is just good manners.
Exactly. Of course it is
But would he have done the same for a young man and made a comment on age before beauty or something similar. If it's just good manners it's good manners for all and bit just ladies first?
Really? So a man can’t say ladies first anymore without a woman finding it offensive? I just don’t have that same mentality I’m afraid. I can’t even argue/debate it.
So because you have no issue with it or have not felt threatened as several women above have explained they've been made to feel through 'innocent' interactions then there isn't an issue to be discussed? Nora has decreed it is ridiculous, end of! I see.
Manners is fine but they are for everyone, not just 'ladies first' is my point. "
And I don’t see anywhere where I disagreed with that! |
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"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman.
Ah the feminist/misandrist hybrid. No time for women like that. Feel they have something to prove. You can also find these spouting their offence and offence by proxy all over social media.
You carry on being a gentleman. There’s still some of us left who like it
I would appreciate anyone holding a door open for me in the same way I would hold it open for anyone else who maybe passing through the door at the same time as me. Surely that is just good manners.
Exactly. Of course it is
But would he have done the same for a young man and made a comment on age before beauty or something similar. If it's just good manners it's good manners for all and bit just ladies first?
Really? So a man can’t say ladies first anymore without a woman finding it offensive? I just don’t have that same mentality I’m afraid. I can’t even argue/debate it.
So because you have no issue with it or have not felt threatened as several women above have explained they've been made to feel through 'innocent' interactions then there isn't an issue to be discussed? Nora has decreed it is ridiculous, end of! I see.
Manners is fine but they are for everyone, not just 'ladies first' is my point.
I guess the question is how many things are you happy with society scrubbing out because of someone’s feelings?
Would you be happy with a grey existence where no one talks to anyone? Which I know is extremely, but you’ve gotta realise that that’s kinda the road this is heading down. If I find it offensive or scary when someone asks the time, can we all agree no one can ask anyone the time now?
What about if Nora feels pressured and uncomfortable if someone asks her directions? Is that outlawed now?
A few people have already expressed on here that they feel it’s a little sad you can’t just give a compliment these days without it causing an issue.
At some point we’ve gotta draw a line and say you are responsible for your own feelings. We can’t keep blunting social interactions to please someone.
I imagine a future where everyone has to wear shades because looking at someone is now deemed a threat. But I look cool in shades so "
For once I agree with everything you’ve said |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman.
Ah the feminist/misandrist hybrid. No time for women like that. Feel they have something to prove. You can also find these spouting their offence and offence by proxy all over social media.
You carry on being a gentleman. There’s still some of us left who like it
I would appreciate anyone holding a door open for me in the same way I would hold it open for anyone else who maybe passing through the door at the same time as me. Surely that is just good manners.
Exactly. Of course it is
But would he have done the same for a young man and made a comment on age before beauty or something similar. If it's just good manners it's good manners for all and bit just ladies first?
Really? So a man can’t say ladies first anymore without a woman finding it offensive? I just don’t have that same mentality I’m afraid. I can’t even argue/debate it. "
It feels as though we are all in the same ballpark but some miscommunication is getting in the way. I don't think anyone has said there is an issue with holding a door open for a woman and saying ladies first. What some women have said is that some men use that as an opportunity to get physically closer. To sidle up to women, press their bodies against them. The same goes with compliments in the street. Some men use them creepily. Some men say things to women they would never say to a man in the same situation and that's the test. Women are wary. They've reason for be wary. Most women are likely to have experienced some kind of sexual harassment or abuse in their lifetime. I have, more than once. How many other women on this site have? It's not about being offended. It's about being wary of being assaulted or harassed again. |
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"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman.
Ah the feminist/misandrist hybrid. No time for women like that. Feel they have something to prove. You can also find these spouting their offence and offence by proxy all over social media.
You carry on being a gentleman. There’s still some of us left who like it
I would appreciate anyone holding a door open for me in the same way I would hold it open for anyone else who maybe passing through the door at the same time as me. Surely that is just good manners.
Exactly. Of course it is
But would he have done the same for a young man and made a comment on age before beauty or something similar. If it's just good manners it's good manners for all and bit just ladies first?
Really? So a man can’t say ladies first anymore without a woman finding it offensive? I just don’t have that same mentality I’m afraid. I can’t even argue/debate it.
So because you have no issue with it or have not felt threatened as several women above have explained they've been made to feel through 'innocent' interactions then there isn't an issue to be discussed? Nora has decreed it is ridiculous, end of! I see.
Manners is fine but they are for everyone, not just 'ladies first' is my point.
I guess the question is how many things are you happy with society scrubbing out because of someone’s feelings?
Would you be happy with a grey existence where no one talks to anyone? Which I know is extremely, but you’ve gotta realise that that’s kinda the road this is heading down. If I find it offensive or scary when someone asks the time, can we all agree no one can ask anyone the time now?
What about if Nora feels pressured and uncomfortable if someone asks her directions? Is that outlawed now?
A few people have already expressed on here that they feel it’s a little sad you can’t just give a compliment these days without it causing an issue.
At some point we’ve gotta draw a line and say you are responsible for your own feelings. We can’t keep blunting social interactions to please someone.
I imagine a future where everyone has to wear shades because looking at someone is now deemed a threat. But I look cool in shades so
For once I agree with everything you’ve said "
As do I. And what you've said too Nora |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"well I'm 74 now.. and probably come from a different generation..after reading all the comments..I can only say what a sad sad fucking world we live in when you can't say something nice to somebody without being berated for it.I opened the door for a woman a few weeks ago and said after you .."ladies before gents "...jesus christ .worst thing I could have ever said..she replied.. "I'm not a lady grandad "...what on earth has the world come to..as it happens in reality..I didn't do it because I considered her as a lady.
I did it because I'm a gentleman.
Ah the feminist/misandrist hybrid. No time for women like that. Feel they have something to prove. You can also find these spouting their offence and offence by proxy all over social media.
You carry on being a gentleman. There’s still some of us left who like it
I would appreciate anyone holding a door open for me in the same way I would hold it open for anyone else who maybe passing through the door at the same time as me. Surely that is just good manners.
Exactly. Of course it is
But would he have done the same for a young man and made a comment on age before beauty or something similar. If it's just good manners it's good manners for all and bit just ladies first?
Really? So a man can’t say ladies first anymore without a woman finding it offensive? I just don’t have that same mentality I’m afraid. I can’t even argue/debate it.
So because you have no issue with it or have not felt threatened as several women above have explained they've been made to feel through 'innocent' interactions then there isn't an issue to be discussed? Nora has decreed it is ridiculous, end of! I see.
Manners is fine but they are for everyone, not just 'ladies first' is my point.
I guess the question is how many things are you happy with society scrubbing out because of someone’s feelings?
Would you be happy with a grey existence where no one talks to anyone? Which I know is extremely, but you’ve gotta realise that that’s kinda the road this is heading down. If I find it offensive or scary when someone asks the time, can we all agree no one can ask anyone the time now?
What about if Nora feels pressured and uncomfortable if someone asks her directions? Is that outlawed now?
A few people have already expressed on here that they feel it’s a little sad you can’t just give a compliment these days without it causing an issue.
At some point we’ve gotta draw a line and say you are responsible for your own feelings. We can’t keep blunting social interactions to please someone.
I imagine a future where everyone has to wear shades because looking at someone is now deemed a threat. But I look cool in shades so "
The OP was about compliments given by a male stranger to a woman on the street. Many women have said that they would feel uncomfortable with this and have given valid reasons why. No-one has said that they're always offended by compliments or men should never give them. I agree that taking offence over nothing at all is silly but that's not what is the subject of the thread. Women are wary of being approached by strange men in public. Compliments given by men to women are often sexual or about appearance. Are women not allowed to be wary? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's an excellent bit on this on 'it's always sunny in Philadelphia.' If the guy is ugly, fat, short or poor then it's sexual misconduct, but if he's handsome and athletic its a compliment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ultimately, what us men have to remember is that there are lots of guys out there who, for whatever reason, intimidate women with their presence. The horrors that men have perpetrated on women over generations have left an indellible imprint on their psyches and cultivated a culture of fear, mistrust and aversion to unsolicited interactions.
It's easy to say "what's wrong with paying a compliment?" when you have no idea of the trauma and daily grind of abuse/creepy interactions/unwanted attention women have to deal with.
None of us have any idea what it's like to be on the receiving end of some men's utterly neanderthal behaviour, unless we actually LISTEN to what women tell us about their experiences and try to empathise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ultimately, what us men have to remember is that there are lots of guys out there who, for whatever reason, intimidate women with their presence. The horrors that men have perpetrated on women over generations have left an indellible imprint on their psyches and cultivated a culture of fear, mistrust and aversion to unsolicited interactions.
It's easy to say "what's wrong with paying a compliment?" when you have no idea of the trauma and daily grind of abuse/creepy interactions/unwanted attention women have to deal with.
None of us have any idea what it's like to be on the receiving end of some men's utterly neanderthal behaviour, unless we actually LISTEN to what women tell us about their experiences and try to empathise. "
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I'd probably come at it the other direction. Do we think that it is acceptable that a third of girls going to uni are going to be sexually harassed or assaulted during their course? Surely that is truly unacceptable .? Imagine if it was a third of blokes getting ghbd or spiked or stealthed and so on? We surely aspire to be better than that? And yes it drives from very sad behaviours. We should be able to compliment someone if they welcome it.. but we should not be ignorant of the stuff some girls / women have to deal with and that it may provide some tone to that most basic human interaction. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Okay so ppl wouldnt randomly stop a woman on the street and compliment her body, but, what if you were in a bar or cafe, you overhear a woman talking about a subject that shows shes a good person, so you spontaneously compliment her personality? Whos in the wrong if she took it poorly?
It might not even be her personality, what about an item of clothing that suits her, or the outfit shes wearing as a whole? Would it be wrong for a hetero man to make such a compliment to a female stranger?"
Would you go up to a random bloke, eavesdrop on conversation and say “hey mate, you sound like a top bloke” or ask if he worked out because he looked hood in his new shirt? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What the chuff is wrong about about giving some stranger a compliment? In the past I've asked a lass 'what's that perfume you're wearing,it's gorgeous '..I went and bought some for my then girlfriend..was I wrong to ask a stranger,? I bet she had a 'skip in her step 'when she went home. "
You complimented the perfume and ask a question. Maybe subtle but there’s a different between asking
“What perfume are you wearing, it smells nice” compared to “ you smell nice”.
It is a bloody minefield! |
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I love getting compliments and I'm sure most women do.
What we don't appreciate is creepy behaviour or shouts across the street about our boobs.
It's about phrasing it appropriately and only approaching unknown women in places and situations she's unlikely to feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
I will happily accept a compliment on my outfit or hair but a random bloke coming right up to you saying "nice tits" could be very intimidating. |
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"I think it’s not the compliment , it’s the fact that women have constantly been sexually objectified by men , we have been attacked , assaulted , murdered by men ….. I don’t personally like receiving compliments from men in the street because it makes me feel unsafe …. And they don’t even comment on my work and say that’s great - so why comment on my body ?
This is not a good subject for me to
Join in with lol
Here we go again...Men, the eternal serial killers and rapists, how dare you to make a compliment, I'm so delicate and you make me feel unsafe with your compliment "
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Nothing wrong complimenting women you know or friends with. I regularly do that.
I don’t however go up to a woman I don’t know and comment on her appearance. Why would you do that ?
Just because it’s a compliment doesn’t make it right. Go about your business and let others do the same. Surely that’s good manners.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think that recent months have caused us all to rethink. Women have spoken out recently and have told us what the female experience of life is like. Maybe, given that they probably know what they are talking about we should listen.
If I as a 6'5" transvestite approached a random bloke on the street and gave an appearance based compliment, he's likely to feel a bit un comfortable. If I was eyeing his arse at the time he might feel scared.
I guess its kinda the same for all.
If we are told certain behaviours make others feel uncomfortable or even scared, maybe we should rethink those behaviours?
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"What the chuff is wrong about about giving some stranger a compliment? In the past I've asked a lass 'what's that perfume you're wearing,it's gorgeous '..I went and bought some for my then girlfriend..was I wrong to ask a stranger,? I bet she had a 'skip in her
You complimented the perfume and ask a question. Maybe subtle but there’s a different between asking
“What perfume are you wearing, it smells nice” compared to “ you smell nice”.
It is a bloody minefield! "
I'd hate to be a youngster now, seems you can't say 'tickety boo'to anyone without it being possibly misconstrued. |
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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago
Cardiff |
I watched a bit of the video but they were too shouty to take seriously.
In general, I think both sides should cut each other some slack, provided the compliment is not completely inappropriate.
Someone giving a compliment to a stranger has to be sensitive and expect that it may not be welcome. Someone being approached should try to give the person the benefit of the doubt and remain polite even if it was the 5th time that day they received unwanted attention as they are not to know.
So really it comes down to what is said next and how that is received. |
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"What the chuff is wrong about about giving some stranger a compliment? In the past I've asked a lass 'what's that perfume you're wearing,it's gorgeous '..I went and bought some for my then girlfriend..was I wrong to ask a stranger,? I bet she had a 'skip in her
You complimented the perfume and ask a question. Maybe subtle but there’s a different between asking
“What perfume are you wearing, it smells nice” compared to “ you smell nice”.
It is a bloody minefield! I'd hate to be a youngster now, seems you can't say 'tickety boo'to anyone without it being possibly misconstrued. "
There's a lot more to it than that...
Here's more. This is real.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/b41fb362-6615-4e9b-950e-36859358e023
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