FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > A bloke should be able to say no ?
A bloke should be able to say no ?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My friend whos a lovely man new to swinging chated today not on here ..Was really up-set . He met this girl who was nightmare really put him off ... he did not sleep with her but then saw her out she had a go at him in public in front of her friends . He say he like to keep my personal life to himself....and is he wrong in this ?? and said a bloke should be able to say no as well.
I told him he had the right to say no .. and it was out of order .. God i have said no .. we all have the right to say no. I Felt sorry for him as new to all this. And made me think how i would handle it myself if person went off into one in public ? How would i deal with it ... I maybe would say nothing and turn my back ..? |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Anybody has the right to say no at anytime! It is a the basis for the fundamental principles of freedom and mutual respect. In my _iew, if somebody feels the need to "attack", be it in private or public... that is sad but has to be seen as their problem, their insecurity, their baggage not your friend's. Hope that makes sense. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In two words..........she's mental!!!
And best avoided! Feel for the guy and agree - whether you're a single male or female or a couple - no means no - and you should feel no regret or embarrassment ever saying it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend whos a lovely man new to swinging chated today not on here ..Was really up-set . He met this girl who was nightmare really put him off ... he did not sleep with her but then saw her out she had a go at him in public in front of her friends . He say he like to keep my personal life to himself....and is he wrong in this ?? and said a bloke should be able to say no as well.
I told him he had the right to say no .. and it was out of order .. God i have said no .. we all have the right to say no. I Felt sorry for him as new to all this. And made me think how i would handle it myself if person went off into one in public ? How would i deal with it ... I maybe would say nothing and turn my back ..?"
She sounds unstable and not someone that is capable of dealing with rejection. What she did is totally out of order and I hope it doesn't make your friend think all single women are like that !! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Anybody has the right to say no at anytime! It is a the basis for the fundamental principles of freedom and mutual respect. In my _iew, if somebody feels the need to "attack", be it in private or public... that is sad but has to be seen as their problem, their insecurity, their baggage not your friend's. Hope that makes sense."
Not sure how i would cope .. and yes i know always two sides to everything but made me think how i would handle it in public . I should hate it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is just another aspect of bullying. Just because she could not accept what was offered, no need for her to do this.......stupid girl.
I really feel for the poor guy.  |
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of course he should have said no if he wasnt comfortable with it.
The problem is that on here some women think that all they have to do is flash a bit of cleavage ad any man will will fall in cock first. when that doesnt happen they find the rejection very hard to take and turn to mocking the guy.
its quite sad really |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"This is just another aspect of bullying. Just because she could not accept what was offered, no need for her to do this.......stupid girl.
I really feel for the poor guy. "
I think you hit the nail on the head - it is... really a form of bullying!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Everyone has the right to say no. Disgusting that she verbally attacked him in the street, as you say, this is a discreet lifestyle.
He should count himself lucky he never fucked her, She sounds like a complete fruit loop! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OF COURSE a single guy has the right to refuse! (i have on a number of occasions for various reasons) and been slated for it!! Doesn't 'mutual' attraction work both ways?
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"good god..... have you not seen the reaction from some when you say No, cancel at the last minute or don't jump like a performing dog and bow and scrape....."
You shouldnt have said "no" to me ... should you...;-)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've said no before, have no problem in saying it in a polite manner,no need to be nasty or hold grudges......
I've been said no to on many occasions and it never passes my mind to have a go back or take it badly...... It's just the way it is 
He sounds like he had a narrow escape, she sounds mad as a box of frogs lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anybody has the right to say no at anytime! It is a the basis for the fundamental principles of freedom and mutual respect. In my _iew, if somebody feels the need to "attack", be it in private or public... that is sad but has to be seen as their problem, their insecurity, their baggage not your friend's. Hope that makes sense. Not sure how i would cope .. and yes i know always two sides to everything but made me think how i would handle it in public . I should hate it."
I don't know how I'd handle it either. Depends on who I was with at the time. I'd either pretend they'd got me mistaken with someone else.... or run away screaming! |
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"I've said no before, have no problem in saying it in a polite manner,no need to be nasty or hold grudges......
I've been said no to on many occasions and it never passes my mind to have a go back or take it badly...... It's just the way it is
He sounds like he had a narrow escape, she sounds mad as a box of frogs lol"
I agree, her outburst only validates his decision not to play... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend whos a lovely man new to swinging chated today not on here ..Was really up-set . He met this girl who was nightmare really put him off ... he did not sleep with her but then saw her out she had a go at him in public in front of her friends . He say he like to keep my personal life to himself....and is he wrong in this ?? and said a bloke should be able to say no as well.
I told him he had the right to say no .. and it was out of order .. God i have said no .. we all have the right to say no. I Felt sorry for him as new to all this. And made me think how i would handle it myself if person went off into one in public ? How would i deal with it ... I maybe would say nothing and turn my back ..?"
See if your friend can turn the situation he recently experienced in to a positive i.e how did his situation arise? Had he been chatting to the girl for sometime before the meet to gauge her personality? or was it a 2 or 3 e-mails and shall we meet up and then your friend made the decision not to have fun? I hope that makes sense as we can all learn from past mistakes. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My friend whos a lovely man new to swinging chated today not on here ..Was really up-set . He met this girl who was nightmare really put him off ... he did not sleep with her but then saw her out she had a go at him in public in front of her friends . He say he like to keep my personal life to himself....and is he wrong in this ?? and said a bloke should be able to say no as well.
I told him he had the right to say no .. and it was out of order .. God i have said no .. we all have the right to say no. I Felt sorry for him as new to all this. And made me think how i would handle it myself if person went off into one in public ? How would i deal with it ... I maybe would say nothing and turn my back ..?
See if your friend can turn the situation he recently experienced in to a positive i.e how did his situation arise? Had he been chatting to the girl for sometime before the meet to gauge her personality? or was it a 2 or 3 e-mails and shall we meet up and then your friend made the decision not to have fun? I hope that makes sense as we can all learn from past mistakes."
Yes he maybe has lots to learn thats if he dont give up. xx |
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"This is just another aspect of bullying. Just because she could not accept what was offered, no need for her to do this.......stupid girl.
I really feel for the poor guy. "
I think it is amazing how people can come to this and some of the other conclusions in this thread without any detail of what actually happened.
There isn’t even one side of a story, just a second-hand snippet with no detail and yet…….. wow out comes the word bullying.
For all we know this guy could have been a complete arsehole when he said no….. we don’t even know what the woman who has now been labelled as disgusting, mental and a bully has said to him or if it was even about him saying no……… and the OP doesn’t know either as she wasn’t there.
Talk about people being judgemetal......... jeeze. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is just another aspect of bullying. Just because she could not accept what was offered, no need for her to do this.......stupid girl.
I really feel for the poor guy.
I think it is amazing how people can come to this and some of the other conclusions in this thread without any detail of what actually happened.
There isn’t even one side of a story, just a second-hand snippet with no detail and yet…….. wow out comes the word bullying.
For all we know this guy could have been a complete arsehole when he said no….. we don’t even know what the woman who has now been labelled as disgusting, mental and a bully has said to him or if it was even about him saying no……… and the OP doesn’t know either as she wasn’t there.
Talk about people being judgemetal......... jeeze."
When i meet him .. he was a very nice normal man and very easy going .. just not a clue how the swingers world work as only been dating . He is my friend . |
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well all else aside whatever the facts in this case I (f) think in general that a man should be able to say no in just the same way as a woman can. It's back to respect again and we all (well most of us) deserve that regardless of sex or lifestyle. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In two words..........she's mental!!!
And best avoided! Feel for the guy and agree - whether you're a single male or female or a couple - no means no - and you should feel no regret or embarrassment ever saying it! "
+1 |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
" When i meet him .. he was a very nice normal man and very easy going .. just not a clue how the swingers world work as only been dating . He is my friend ."
Of course you can only go by what you know about the person, what you have been told about the circumstances and we are not talking about a court case here with opposing sides, each defending their stance!
We are talking about a situation which you have presented well with the information you had and as such I think it is fair to say that your friend had a bit of a bad experience.
If we started looking into all the ins and outs we would have to go into much further detail about his and her history, perhaps their upbringing, their life narrative etc etc. I dont think that was what you were asking for, was it? Or did I misinterpret your OP?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" When i meet him .. he was a very nice normal man and very easy going ...
They said that about Fred West."
whats he got to do with it ? All i know i would not like a person slagging me off if i never had sex .. with them and no matter what the reson was. As we all have the right to say no , |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
" When i meet him .. he was a very nice normal man and very easy going ...
They said that about Fred West. whats he got to do with it ? All i know i would not like a person slagging me off if i never had sex .. with them and no matter what the reson was. As we all have the right to say no ,"
I cannot quite see the link to Fred West either! |
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if another thread was started about being judgemental i bet most on this thread would say they where not. Yet some woman who nobody knows and only has heresay from a third party are branding her as mental, bully and other such things. noone but the op even knows either of the party involved |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" When i meet him .. he was a very nice normal man and very easy going .. just not a clue how the swingers world work as only been dating . He is my friend .
Of course you can only go by what you know about the person, what you have been told about the circumstances and we are not talking about a court case here with opposing sides, each defending their stance!
We are talking about a situation which you have presented well with the information you had and as such I think it is fair to say that your friend had a bit of a bad experience.
If we started looking into all the ins and outs we would have to go into much further detail about his and her history, perhaps their upbringing, their life narrative etc etc. I dont think that was what you were asking for, was it? Or did I misinterpret your OP?
"
I was thinking if it was me and a person done it to in public how would it make me feel . I have said no to meets but left them feeling ok i hope . As i would find it hard to handle maybe why some meet away from home to swing with . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"if another thread was started about being judgemental i bet most on this thread would say they where not. Yet some woman who nobody knows and only has heresay from a third party are branding her as mental, bully and other such things. noone but the op even knows either of the party involved"
I just know him ..and i never asked the in s and outs as felt sorry for him and yes i know two sides to everything. I can only go on what he said and it did make me feel ...... if it was me how would i feel. and have others had this saying no , And we can say no ..
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
" When i meet him .. he was a very nice normal man and very easy going .. just not a clue how the swingers world work as only been dating . He is my friend .
Of course you can only go by what you know about the person, what you have been told about the circumstances and we are not talking about a court case here with opposing sides, each defending their stance!
We are talking about a situation which you have presented well with the information you had and as such I think it is fair to say that your friend had a bit of a bad experience.
If we started looking into all the ins and outs we would have to go into much further detail about his and her history, perhaps their upbringing, their life narrative etc etc. I dont think that was what you were asking for, was it? Or did I misinterpret your OP?
I was thinking if it was me and a person done it to in public how would it make me feel . I have said no to meets but left them feeling ok i hope . As i would find it hard to handle maybe why some meet away from home to swing with ."
Ok, I can see where you are coming from - this was not about whether the lady in question was behaving badly or not - this was about how the experience of being verbally attacked can make somebody feel. Different focus I think and I would agree that being at the receiving end of being shouted at, rightly or wrongly, can leave that person feeling rather uncomfortable. I can see now where you are coming from regarding a preference of meeting people from further away as that reduces the risk of that situation occuring.
I also agree that if you feel the need to say no to somebody it is best to do so leaving them feeling ok about the rejection. I completely agree with that and I would always try and be gentle about that. |
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My friend is a friend of the friend of the woman who met the man.
He phoned her to tell her he could not meet that night as he was visiting his mother who was terminally ill in hospital. He borrowed 50 pounds and her sports car to get over to see his mum.
When she was out in town with her mates that night. She spotted her sports car being driven by a stranger and parked by a sign saying £10.00 for ten minutes. HE was sitting at a table outside the local brothel with two sex workers on each arm and a gay polish waiter serving him tequilla through a cowhide string vest.
She let rip .... they'd put diesel in the car.
I know it's true cos someone said it is. |
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" When i meet him .. he was a very nice normal man and very easy going ...
They said that about Fred West. whats he got to do with it ? All i know i would not like a person slagging me off if i never had sex .. with them and no matter what the reson was. As we all have the right to say no ,
I cannot quite see the link to Fred West either! "
Fred West has just as much to do with it as whether or not the OP has met this guy or whether or not she thinks he's nice or not..... because what has any of that got to do with a generic question about whether men can say no or how people would handle being approached in public.......... it's either a generic question or it is a thread about a specific incident.
My post is about the people in this thread who are happy to sit slating the unknown woman ….. even though they know fuck all about the incident. So once again…. Fred West is just as relevant as whether or not the OP thinks the man is lovely.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is just another aspect of bullying. Just because she could not accept what was offered, no need for her to do this.......stupid girl.
I really feel for the poor guy.
I think it is amazing how people can come to this and some of the other conclusions in this thread without any detail of what actually happened.
There isn’t even one side of a story, just a second-hand snippet with no detail and yet…….. wow out comes the word bullying.
For all we know this guy could have been a complete arsehole when he said no….. we don’t even know what the woman who has now been labelled as disgusting, mental and a bully has said to him or if it was even about him saying no……… and the OP doesn’t know either as she wasn’t there.
Talk about people being judgemetal......... jeeze."
But we can only judge on what we have been informed of. If/when the original parties put forward their position, then my judgement might/will be re-evaluated |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend whos a lovely man new to swinging chated today not on here ..Was really up-set . He met this girl who was nightmare really put him off ... he did not sleep with her but then saw her out she had a go at him in public in front of her friends . He say he like to keep my personal life to himself....and is he wrong in this ?? and said a bloke should be able to say no as well.
I told him he had the right to say no .. and it was out of order .. God i have said no .. we all have the right to say no. I Felt sorry for him as new to all this. And made me think how i would handle it myself if person went off into one in public ? How would i deal with it ... I maybe would say nothing and turn my back ..?"
Not going to get involved with the other 'discussions' going on in this thread.... All I will add is that if he is a good friend of yours, I think you need to sit him down and pass on YOUR experience of how to go about handling the swinging scene - he seems to be a bit out of his depth to me...
As for whether he has the right to say no - of course he has! Just as anyone else has the right - male or female.
 |
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"My friend is a friend of the friend of the woman who met the man.
He phoned her to tell her he could not meet that night as he was visiting his mother who was terminally ill in hospital. He borrowed 50 pounds and her sports car to get over to see his mum.
When she was out in town with her mates that night. She spotted her sports car being driven by a stranger and parked by a sign saying £10.00 for ten minutes. HE was sitting at a table outside the local brothel with two sex workers on each arm and a gay polish waiter serving him tequilla through a cowhide string vest.
She let rip .... they'd put diesel in the car.
I know it's true cos someone said it is."
*Giggles into my tequila*  |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"My friend is a friend of the friend of the woman who met the man.
He phoned her to tell her he could not meet that night as he was visiting his mother who was terminally ill in hospital. He borrowed 50 pounds and her sports car to get over to see his mum.
When she was out in town with her mates that night. She spotted her sports car being driven by a stranger and parked by a sign saying £10.00 for ten minutes. HE was sitting at a table outside the local brothel with two sex workers on each arm and a gay polish waiter serving him tequilla through a cowhide string vest.
She let rip .... they'd put diesel in the car.
I know it's true cos someone said it is.
*Giggles into my tequila* "
tequila on a Sunday afternoon
marrakesh
are you Naomi Campbell |
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"My friend is a friend of the friend of the woman who met the man.
He phoned her to tell her he could not meet that night as he was visiting his mother who was terminally ill in hospital. He borrowed 50 pounds and her sports car to get over to see his mum.
When she was out in town with her mates that night. She spotted her sports car being driven by a stranger and parked by a sign saying £10.00 for ten minutes. HE was sitting at a table outside the local brothel with two sex workers on each arm and a gay polish waiter serving him tequilla through a cowhide string vest.
She let rip .... they'd put diesel in the car.
I know it's true cos someone said it is.
*Giggles into my tequila*
tequila on a Sunday afternoon
marrakesh
are you Naomi Campbell "
Haahaahaahaa...water was my drink of choice in Marrakech with temp at 40 degrees. Back in the cold have some boozing to catch up on! |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
" When i meet him .. he was a very nice normal man and very easy going ...
They said that about Fred West. whats he got to do with it ? All i know i would not like a person slagging me off if i never had sex .. with them and no matter what the reson was. As we all have the right to say no ,
I cannot quite see the link to Fred West either!
Fred West has just as much to do with it as whether or not the OP has met this guy or whether or not she thinks he's nice or not..... because what has any of that got to do with a generic question about whether men can say no or how people would handle being approached in public.......... it's either a generic question or it is a thread about a specific incident.
My post is about the people in this thread who are happy to sit slating the unknown woman ….. even though they know fuck all about the incident. So once again…. Fred West is just as relevant as whether or not the OP thinks the man is lovely.
"
I can (I think) see where you are coming from but then equally... could we not also bring Ghandi and Mother Theresa into the equation? Just a thought.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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She said he wasted her time as would not sleep with her ... And i bet he is not the only man on this site to have had this ... and i bet some woman had it too saying no too. And did make me think about when i have said no . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I can (I think) see where you are coming from but then equally... could we not also bring Ghandi and Mother Theresa into the equation? Just a thought.. "
Didn't think either was a swinger  but no matter what it's a bit late to bring them in now...
wasn't there, don't know the story. but yes everyone has the right to ask and also the right to say no... but there are ways and ways of doing both. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"This is just another aspect of bullying. Just because she could not accept what was offered, no need for her to do this.......stupid girl.
I really feel for the poor guy.
I think you hit the nail on the head - it is... really a form of bullying! "
Because someone acted like a child after being told no that is an act of bullying? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Both men and women are capable of being being bad losers and cannot handle rejections gracefully.
However, it is my opinion that one should spend more time getting to know the other person prior to agreeing to meet, in order to flush out any signs of the person being a potential bunny boiler.
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Some people seem to think they are gods gift, some people do not handle rejection. Then some people are fruit loops. We all have our likes and dislikes and if he was polite enough to express this it is her problem. Just remind your friend that there are more like you Jo than like her. Hope he carries on and has fun |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"This is just another aspect of bullying. Just because she could not accept what was offered, no need for her to do this.......stupid girl.
I really feel for the poor guy.
I think you hit the nail on the head - it is... really a form of bullying!
Because someone acted like a child after being told no that is an act of bullying?"
I guess I am assuming that the public outburst in anger was designed to bully to provoke a response which to me would feel like bullying. I suppose the term bullying means different things to different people? |
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"This is just another aspect of bullying. Just because she could not accept what was offered, no need for her to do this.......stupid girl.
I really feel for the poor guy.
I think you hit the nail on the head - it is... really a form of bullying!
Because someone acted like a child after being told no that is an act of bullying?I guess I am assuming that the public outburst in anger was designed to bully to provoke a response which to me would feel like bullying. I suppose the term bullying means different things to different people? "
Forgive me if I am wrong... but at the time you posted that comment the only thing we knew about the encounter was:
"but then saw her out she had a go at him in public in front of her friends" |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"This is just another aspect of bullying. Just because she could not accept what was offered, no need for her to do this.......stupid girl.
I really feel for the poor guy.
I think you hit the nail on the head - it is... really a form of bullying!
Because someone acted like a child after being told no that is an act of bullying?I guess I am assuming that the public outburst in anger was designed to bully to provoke a response which to me would feel like bullying. I suppose the term bullying means different things to different people?
Forgive me if I am wrong... but at the time you posted that comment the only thing we knew about the encounter was:
"but then saw her out she had a go at him in public in front of her friends""
I did not witness any of the event, I am going by the same information that everybody has on this thread and I read (possibly wrongly) the situation as a female having a go in public (to me that means verbally attacking the male) and that to me sounds like bullying. I am happy to agree that bullying means different things to different people though |
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"This is just another aspect of bullying. Just because she could not accept what was offered, no need for her to do this.......stupid girl.
I really feel for the poor guy.
I think you hit the nail on the head - it is... really a form of bullying!
Because someone acted like a child after being told no that is an act of bullying?I guess I am assuming that the public outburst in anger was designed to bully to provoke a response which to me would feel like bullying. I suppose the term bullying means different things to different people?
Forgive me if I am wrong... but at the time you posted that comment the only thing we knew about the encounter was:
"but then saw her out she had a go at him in public in front of her friends"
I did not witness any of the event, I am going by the same information that everybody has on this thread and I read (possibly wrongly) the situation as a female having a go in public (to me that means verbally attacking the male) and that to me sounds like bullying. I am happy to agree that bullying means different things to different people though"
A bit like the word prejudice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Brave or stupid of him to meet her while her friends are about.
However, how do we know if she did not arrange it that way, as a dare, and making a scene could be part of the plan?
There is more than one way to look at a picture, so to speak.
 |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"This is just another aspect of bullying. Just because she could not accept what was offered, no need for her to do this.......stupid girl.
I really feel for the poor guy.
I think you hit the nail on the head - it is... really a form of bullying!
Because someone acted like a child after being told no that is an act of bullying?I guess I am assuming that the public outburst in anger was designed to bully to provoke a response which to me would feel like bullying. I suppose the term bullying means different things to different people?
Forgive me if I am wrong... but at the time you posted that comment the only thing we knew about the encounter was:
"but then saw her out she had a go at him in public in front of her friends"
I did not witness any of the event, I am going by the same information that everybody has on this thread and I read (possibly wrongly) the situation as a female having a go in public (to me that means verbally attacking the male) and that to me sounds like bullying. I am happy to agree that bullying means different things to different people though
A bit like the word prejudice "
Indeed - we can agree that we agree lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Brave or stupid of him to meet her while her friends are about.
However, how do we know if she did not arrange it that way, as a dare, and making a scene could be part of the plan?
There is more than one way to look at a picture, so to speak.
"
Erm, they didn't arrange to meet! (at least not from what i've read), they bumped into each other when out! |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
I think Games did not intend for the female to be hung drwan and quartered and tbh I did not really she that happened here, people just gave their opinion on the scenario they were given. Either way, as Games said earlier she was more interested in how people would feel if they were in the situation - at least that is my interpretation of the whole scenario now - but hey, I could be wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Brave or stupid of him to meet her while her friends are about.
However, how do we know if she did not arrange it that way, as a dare, and making a scene could be part of the plan?
There is more than one way to look at a picture, so to speak.
Erm, they didn't arrange to meet! (at least not from what i've read), they bumped into each other when out!"
.
My response was based on the original post.
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"I think Games did not intend for the female to be hung drwan and quartered and tbh I did not really she that happened here,....."
Did you miss the following comments referring specifically to the female in question:
Mental
Unstable
Not capable of dealing with rejection
Out of order
bully/bullying (twice)
Stupid
Disgusting
A fruit loop
Mad as a box of frogs
|
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"I think Games did not intend for the female to be hung drwan and quartered and tbh I did not really she that happened here, people just gave their opinion on the scenario they were given. Either way, as Games said earlier she was more interested in how people would feel if they were in the situation - at least that is my interpretation of the whole scenario now - but hey, I could be wrong."
Thats it though isnt it, a "loose" bit of information with no real facts is put on the forums and people are going to interpretite in different ways. Did you not yourself mention it was a form of bullying? That would be interprited to me as saying you where judging the woman in question and not stating how you would feel if it happened to you. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I think Games did not intend for the female to be hung drwan and quartered and tbh I did not really she that happened here,.....
Did you miss the following comments referring specifically to the female in question:
Mental
Unstable
Not capable of dealing with rejection
Out of order
bully/bullying (twice)
Stupid
Disgusting
A fruit loop
Mad as a box of frogs
"
I think I tend to look at scenarios with a whole picture intention rather than focussing on detail - not always the best way but it works for me and in this case I found it sufficient to make up my mind about the situation. Had we been in court defending or prosecuting... this would have been an entirely different scenario and yes, attention to detail would have been essential. The difference lies in the approach and the focus of interest. |
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"I think Games did not intend for the female to be hung drwan and quartered and tbh I did not really she that happened here,.....
Did you miss the following comments referring specifically to the female in question:
Mental
Unstable
Not capable of dealing with rejection
Out of order
bully/bullying (twice)
Stupid
Disgusting
A fruit loop
Mad as a box of frogs
I think I tend to look at scenarios with a whole picture intention rather than focussing on detail - not always the best way but it works for me and in this case I found it sufficient to make up my mind about the situation. Had we been in court defending or prosecuting... this would have been an entirely different scenario and yes, attention to detail would have been essential. The difference lies in the approach and the focus of interest."
Is that the same as saying 'if I don't want to see it I can say it didn't happen'? |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"This is just another aspect of bullying. Just because she could not accept what was offered, no need for her to do this.......stupid girl.
I really feel for the poor guy.
I think you hit the nail on the head - it is... really a form of bullying!
Because someone acted like a child after being told no that is an act of bullying?I guess I am assuming that the public outburst in anger was designed to bully to provoke a response which to me would feel like bullying. I suppose the term bullying means different things to different people? "
Bullying is a repeated act....thats what my definition would be and by all accounts that would be the definition of the experts.
Having a spat in the street and that being called bullying is an insult to the people who are the victims of bullying.
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I think Games did not intend for the female to be hung drwan and quartered and tbh I did not really she that happened here, people just gave their opinion on the scenario they were given. Either way, as Games said earlier she was more interested in how people would feel if they were in the situation - at least that is my interpretation of the whole scenario now - but hey, I could be wrong.
Thats it though isnt it, a "loose" bit of information with no real facts is put on the forums and people are going to interpretite in different ways. Did you not yourself mention it was a form of bullying? That would be interprited to me as saying you where judging the woman in question and not stating how you would feel if it happened to you."
I go back to what I said earlier - when asking Games she told us that she wanted to know how people would feel in the position of the man who felt uncomfortable when being confronted by the female.
Also, in response to the bullying bit... based on the scenario to me that would have felt like bullying.
Overall, I really think this is down to different ideas and interpretations of words like "bullying" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
In what way is this thread any different from the ones that ask advice about something that happened to them/their partner?
Yet, people seem to want to jump down the ops throat for some reason! Yes, we only have the ops point of _iew, but she only asked 'how would we deal with that situation'!!
I too think its a form of bullying if anyone tries to abuse another person! (MENTAL or phyisical). |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"
Is that the same as saying 'if I don't want to see it I can say it didn't happen'?"
Not at all - it is about being given a situation and asked how we would feel in that situation. Now you can either dig and get more details (which may be the right thing in some situations) or you can pass your opinion based on the facts you were given. Either I believe are valid for the purpose of the forum - clearly the latter would not be suitable in the case of a prosecution. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"This is just another aspect of bullying. Just because she could not accept what was offered, no need for her to do this.......stupid girl.
I really feel for the poor guy.
I think you hit the nail on the head - it is... really a form of bullying!
Because someone acted like a child after being told no that is an act of bullying?I guess I am assuming that the public outburst in anger was designed to bully to provoke a response which to me would feel like bullying. I suppose the term bullying means different things to different people?
Bullying is a repeated act....thats what my definition would be and by all accounts that would be the definition of the experts.
Having a spat in the street and that being called bullying is an insult to the people who are the victims of bullying.
"
Ah, got you. For you bullying is defined by ongoing repeated acts, whcih I agree with. For me it also includes by one off incidents as the one mentioned by the OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This is just another aspect of bullying. Just because she could not accept what was offered, no need for her to do this.......stupid girl.
I really feel for the poor guy.
I think you hit the nail on the head - it is... really a form of bullying!
Because someone acted like a child after being told no that is an act of bullying?I guess I am assuming that the public outburst in anger was designed to bully to provoke a response which to me would feel like bullying. I suppose the term bullying means different things to different people?
Bullying is a repeated act....thats what my definition would be and by all accounts that would be the definition of the experts.
Having a spat in the street and that being called bullying is an insult to the people who are the victims of bullying.
"
I'm sorry, i totally disagree! Bullying can happen as a one off event! A bully is someone who takes advantage of another person whether physically or mentally! It doesn't need to continually happen to be classed as bullying!! |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
I'm sorry, i totally disagree! Bullying can happen as a one off event! A bully is someone who takes advantage of another person whether physically or mentally! It doesn't need to continually happen to be classed as bullying!! "
So the same question to you...if you ever had a spat with someone you would say they were bullying you?
Would you be accused of bullying them? |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"
So any person that has ever had a cross word with you is bullying you?"
No, not anybody who has a a cross word but somebody who chooses to attack me when I am on my own and they are in the company of others - that is where my feeling of bullying came from. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying
Definitions
Bullying is the activity of repeated, aggressive behavior intended to hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person.[15]
|
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"
Is that the same as saying 'if I don't want to see it I can say it didn't happen'?Not at all - it is about being given a situation and asked how we would feel in that situation. Now you can either dig and get more details (which may be the right thing in some situations) or you can pass your opinion based on the facts you were given. Either I believe are valid for the purpose of the forum - clearly the latter would not be suitable in the case of a prosecution."
Of course the 3rd option, which you fail to mention, is to realise there isn't enough known about the situation to make any judgement at all, never mind name calling, insults and pretty servere judgements born out of prejudice.
Which would leave people to talk about the generic question rather than slag off a woman they know nothing about. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
So any person that has ever had a cross word with you is bullying you?
No, not anybody who has a a cross word but somebody who chooses to attack me when I am on my own and they are in the company of others - that is where my feeling of bullying came from."
I would say you you are getting the definition of bullying mixed up with intimidation. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"
So any person that has ever had a cross word with you is bullying you?
No, not anybody who has a a cross word but somebody who chooses to attack me when I am on my own and they are in the company of others - that is where my feeling of bullying came from.
I would say you you are getting the definition of bullying mixed up with intimidation."
Perhaps you are right - for me it was not so much about what was said but more about the one being alone and the other being in a group. Mind you, that often is the beginning of an ongoing campaihn in school playgrounds, isnt it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I'm sorry, i totally disagree! Bullying can happen as a one off event! A bully is someone who takes advantage of another person whether physically or mentally! It doesn't need to continually happen to be classed as bullying!!
So the same question to you...if you ever had a spat with someone you would say they were bullying you?
Would you be accused of bullying them?"
No, but i would consider a spat as just that, a spat! But, on the other hand, if someone in the street just came up to me and tried to abuse me mentally then ye, i would consider that as bullying!
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"
So any person that has ever had a cross word with you is bullying you?
No, not anybody who has a a cross word but somebody who chooses to attack me when I am on my own and they are in the company of others - that is where my feeling of bullying came from.
I would say you you are getting the definition of bullying mixed up with intimidation.Perhaps you are right - for me it was not so much about what was said but more about the one being alone and the other being in a group. Mind you, that often is the beginning of an ongoing campaihn in school playgrounds, isnt it?"
*campaign* |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
So any person that has ever had a cross word with you is bullying you?
No, not anybody who has a a cross word but somebody who chooses to attack me when I am on my own and they are in the company of others - that is where my feeling of bullying came from.
I would say you you are getting the definition of bullying mixed up with intimidation.Perhaps you are right - for me it was not so much about what was said but more about the one being alone and the other being in a group. Mind you, that often is the beginning of an ongoing campaihn in school playgrounds, isnt it?"
Only if it is repeated....a one off is not repeatedly.
Either way, I think the word bully is bandied about way too much and if people think it is for one comment from one person who happened to be with other people then I am not surprised when we see the word a lot. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
So any person that has ever had a cross word with you is bullying you?
No, not anybody who has a a cross word but somebody who chooses to attack me when I am on my own and they are in the company of others - that is where my feeling of bullying came from.
I would say you you are getting the definition of bullying mixed up with intimidation."
Sorry to burst your bubble, but intimidation IS bullying!! At least, it is according to those experts you mentioned earlier!! |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
So any person that has ever had a cross word with you is bullying you?
No, not anybody who has a a cross word but somebody who chooses to attack me when I am on my own and they are in the company of others - that is where my feeling of bullying came from.
I would say you you are getting the definition of bullying mixed up with intimidation.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but intimidation IS bullying!! At least, it is according to those experts you mentioned earlier!!"
It is....when bullying is used in the correct term, ie by the definition of experts. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying
Definitions
Bullying is the activity of repeated, aggressive behavior intended to hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person.[15]
"
Note the word repeated
Feeling intimidated by a group of people standing quiet while one spoke to you is not the same act as a bully intimidating someone. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think Games did not intend for the female to be hung drwan and quartered and tbh I did not really she that happened here, people just gave their opinion on the scenario they were given. Either way, as Games said earlier she was more interested in how people would feel if they were in the situation - at least that is my interpretation of the whole scenario now - but hey, I could be wrong."
yes i was thinking .. what if i had to deal with somthing like it and how would i handle it myself ..if i said no and thay never liked it .. I would say very little i think .
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
" She said he wasted her time as would not sleep with her ... And i bet he is not the only man on this site to have had this ....
I thought you said he was on another site?"
I chat on msn meet him from other site i am on .. But was saying must go on here and i would think other sites too . Even dating sites people have the right to say no .
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
A. I dont think people understand the definition of bullying , it gets bandied about far too often on here for my liking.
B. I cant understand why people would be so bloody judgmental on the here say of another user, especially when it hasn't been established clearly if this guy is or isn't on here.
 |
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"A. I dont think people understand the definition of bullying , it gets bandied about far too often on here for my liking.
B. I cant understand why people would be so bloody judgmental on the here say of another user, especially when it hasn't been established clearly if this guy is or isn't on here.
"
C. i cant undersatnd why you cant understand it - you'e been here bloody lon enough  |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"A. I dont think people understand the definition of bullying , it gets bandied about far too often on here for my liking.
B. I cant understand why people would be so bloody judgmental on the here say of another user, especially when it hasn't been established clearly if this guy is or isn't on here.
C. i cant undersatnd why you cant understand it - you'e been here bloody lon enough "
Its as clear as mud dahhhhling |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"A. I dont think people understand the definition of bullying , it gets bandied about far too often on here for my liking.
"
and often a smack in the face to the true victims of bullying and whose lives are blighted by the pain caused. |
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"I think anyone who uses more than one exclamation mark in a paragraph is a bully!
I think therefore it is. I think you coming in so late is a form of bullying! "
I would have joined in earlier with something approaching sense. However Polo said it all for me. I take her _iew on this one. I did think she was Jezebel though. I thought Go Jezebel , a good point well made. Then I notices th at it was Polo in a red 'frock'. She has taken her titzNfingers in. I must be a visual being. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I think anyone who uses more than one exclamation mark in a paragraph is a bully!
I think therefore it is. I think you coming in so late is a form of bullying!
I would have joined in earlier with something approaching sense. However Polo said it all for me. I take her _iew on this one. I did think she was Jezebel though. I thought Go Jezebel , a good point well made. Then I notices th at it was Polo in a red 'frock'. She has taken her titzNfingers in. I must be a visual being. "
Jeeze, ...do you think your confusion is actually contagious? |
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"I think anyone who uses more than one exclamation mark in a paragraph is a bully!
I think therefore it is. I think you coming in so late is a form of bullying!
I would have joined in earlier with something approaching sense. However Polo said it all for me. I take her _iew on this one. I did think she was Jezebel though. I thought Go Jezebel , a good point well made. Then I notices th at it was Polo in a red 'frock'. She has taken her titzNfingers in. I must be a visual being. Jeeze, ...do you think your confusion is actually contagious?"
I'm not confused. I know EXACTLY what's going on. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I think anyone who uses more than one exclamation mark in a paragraph is a bully!
I think therefore it is. I think you coming in so late is a form of bullying!
I would have joined in earlier with something approaching sense. However Polo said it all for me. I take her _iew on this one. I did think she was Jezebel though. I thought Go Jezebel , a good point well made. Then I notices th at it was Polo in a red 'frock'. She has taken her titzNfingers in. I must be a visual being. Jeeze, ...do you think your confusion is actually contagious?
I'm not confused. I know EXACTLY what's going on."
Neither am I.... I am just a carrier |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think anyone who uses more than one exclamation mark in a paragraph is a bully!
I think therefore it is. I think you coming in so late is a form of bullying!
I would have joined in earlier with something approaching sense. However Polo said it all for me. I take her _iew on this one. I did think she was Jezebel though. I thought Go Jezebel , a good point well made. Then I notices th at it was Polo in a red 'frock'. She has taken her titzNfingers in. I must be a visual being. Jeeze, ...do you think your confusion is actually contagious?
I'm not confused. I know EXACTLY what's going on."
Well i wish i Did .. I said how would i feel if ever had a person i said no too not like it ? and people have the right to say no ... LOL its very strange in parts this post . Gran and maybe what i dont under stand cant hurt me , lol |
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By *stmateMan
over a year ago
Notts |
She was out of order, I don't know how I would have reacted and I think this is a fair topic as it has opened my eyes to situations I need to avoid. I think the person in question shouldn't be on swinging sites. God forbid she cries rape for being turned down. I feel for ur friend and hope he isn't put off by this unfortunate event. As a single guy I get a lot of rejections, sometimes a polite no thank but most times ignored and deleted or blocked. That's their decision but I wouldn't in a million years lash out at anyone. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"She was out of order, I don't know how I would have reacted and I think this is a fair topic as it has opened my eyes to situations I need to avoid. I think the person in question shouldn't be on swinging sites. God forbid she cries rape for being turned down. I feel for ur friend and hope he isn't put off by this unfortunate event. As a single guy I get a lot of rejections, sometimes a polite no thank but most times ignored and deleted or blocked. That's their decision but I wouldn't in a million years lash out at anyone. "
was only his mail on msn today made me think of all this side to swinging ..Never think of the bad things only the good ,But have read things where some say dont meet close to home or to local .. maybe why i dont know ... i was not slagging woman off here just making a point . it could be a man or woman but everyone can say no thanks and move on .
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By *stmateMan
over a year ago
Notts |
"She was out of order, I don't know how I would have reacted and I think this is a fair topic as it has opened my eyes to situations I need to avoid. I think the person in question shouldn't be on swinging sites. God forbid she cries rape for being turned down. I feel for ur friend and hope he isn't put off by this unfortunate event. As a single guy I get a lot of rejections, sometimes a polite no thank but most times ignored and deleted or blocked. That's their decision but I wouldn't in a million years lash out at anyone. was only his mail on msn today made me think of all this side to swinging ..Never think of the bad things only the good ,But have read things where some say dont meet close to home or to local .. maybe why i dont know ... i was not slagging woman off here just making a point . it could be a man or woman but everyone can say no thanks and move on ."
Too right. Swinging is supposed to be fun but when things like this happen it puts a right downer on it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wish I could show u all the MSG I got from a guy on here last week because I refused to meet him. Never had one so vile,rude and insulting before then he went about sending msgs to the lads I've met good job they know me. And soooo glad I reported it to admin |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Wish I could show u all the MSG I got from a guy on here last week because I refused to meet him. Never had one so vile,rude and insulting before then he went about sending msgs to the lads I've met good job they know me. And soooo glad I reported it to admin "
you did the right thing reporting to admin here .. hope thay sorted it xx
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