FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Have the tables turned?
Have the tables turned?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Back in the day (in my experience), it was females who wanted regular, wanted some form of commitment, wanted relationships - whilst lots of guys wanted one offs and regular was the last thing they wanted.
Recently, my inbox (here and elsewhere) is mostly guys looking for regular, hoping to turn it into a relationship, wanting more than a one off and I’m the one not wanting any of that!
Have times changed or is it just my age? (Although it’s younger lads asking this too)
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This is a really interesting question I don't know the answer to it is my tuppence worth but I can say I'm in the same position as you, I don't want a relationship I know that 100%.
I do think maybe and this is the cynic in me that there are lots of people (both men and women) who will say anything to get what they want. They see it as game playing rather than another human beings feelings and emotions. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is a really interesting question I don't know the answer to it is my tuppence worth but I can say I'm in the same position as you, I don't want a relationship I know that 100%.
I do think maybe and this is the cynic in me that there are lots of people (both men and women) who will say anything to get what they want. They see it as game playing rather than another human beings feelings and emotions. "
You mean that guys say that as they think it’s what ladies want to hear? |
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"This is a really interesting question I don't know the answer to it is my tuppence worth but I can say I'm in the same position as you, I don't want a relationship I know that 100%.
I do think maybe and this is the cynic in me that there are lots of people (both men and women) who will say anything to get what they want. They see it as game playing rather than another human beings feelings and emotions.
You mean that guys say that as they think it’s what ladies want to hear? "
Pretty much. Think it's common practice for people to do that on tinder ect. |
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You can have both if your partner enjoys swinging too. It’s wonderful to have a relationship and be promiscuous. We need physical enjoyment of more than just one person and the love of another or more ( eg poly) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Probably just a line! "
Hmmm sometimes maybe but often when I say “no sorry, I’m not looking for anything like that” they say “no problem, that’s a shame, thanks” etc etc (although some do change their tact).
I met this lovely guy, told him there would be nothing more, he said he was ok although initially said he wanted a relationship to come from it. He wasn’t ok with it, kept inviting me to bloody family weddings etc! Trying to get something started! So yeah, some lie but I do think times have changed. |
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Think maybe we women are more independent and know what we want these days (me anyway) but think maybe it's more of a age thing ! I have had a couple of fwb that wanted more than that over last couple of years so have had to end things dont do clingy/needy x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You can have both if your partner enjoys swinging too. It’s wonderful to have a relationship and be promiscuous. We need physical enjoyment of more than just one person and the love of another or more ( eg poly)"
Nooooo! I’m a complete commitment phobe! Anything more than a one off makes my hair stand on end! Haha |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Think maybe we women are more independent and know what we want these days (me anyway) but think maybe it's more of a age thing ! I have had a couple of fwb that wanted more than that over last couple of years so have had to end things dont do clingy/needy x"
I think so too  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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You know how the Predator from the Predator films changes its tactics, its armour and camouflage system everytime it's defeated? It learns the weaknesses, adapts to survive and win.
Yeah that. |
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I keep younger men at arms length for this reason, even though you are very clear, some can still get attached and want more as they deep down are looking for a relationship, less so with older men but not unheard of
Liars tend to change tact pretty quickly when I say I am not interested in a relationship and I just pop a private note on their profile before removing myself from the conversation |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You know how the Predator from the Predator films changes its tactics, its armour and camouflage system everytime it's defeated? It learns the weaknesses, adapts to survive and win.
Yeah that."
So it’s tactical. How gross. Too many mind games for me to be arsed. Maybe it’s honesty that’s a thing of the past? Or maybe we accept that guys will say anything for a fuck? I’m glad I’m single  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe they want something on the lines of FWB.
Men are probably tired of searching and trying to find a response from a female, that as soon as someone replies, they might be thinking more long term. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Maybe they want something on the lines of FWB.
Men are probably tired of searching and trying to find a response from a female, that as soon as someone replies, they might be thinking more long term."
They definitely want more than a one off. Even when they agree to a one off, they try to make it a FWB arrangement which is quite unfair as it puts you in a position to have to be firm and decline when this was agreed from the outset! |
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"You know how the Predator from the Predator films changes its tactics, its armour and camouflage system everytime it's defeated? It learns the weaknesses, adapts to survive and win.
Yeah that."
Oh Meli I bloody love you! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You know how the Predator from the Predator films changes its tactics, its armour and camouflage system everytime it's defeated? It learns the weaknesses, adapts to survive and win.
Yeah that."
Meli, you kill me sometimes  x x  |
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I don’t think much has changed, it’s probably your own confirmation bias. The internet and apps allow us to come into contact with more people in 1 day then in a whole year 30 years ago. Hypergamy rules
Apps have changed things for certain, but not in this regard I don’t think |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I also think that part of it is guys seem to find getting meets hard so when they get one they want to turn it into regular.
Your experience though is not mine - I have never met anyone's family! "
I haven’t either, that was a hard pass, believe me!!! |
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"Doesn’t seem that way for me… but then again I’m pretty direct on what I want and what I don’t want.
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Yes, very direct on what you want! Which is great, for those with profiles that don't say explicitly what they want some men will say anything and play tactics to get their end away. I am not saying all guys just some! |
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"You know how the Predator from the Predator films changes its tactics, its armour and camouflage system everytime it's defeated? It learns the weaknesses, adapts to survive and win.
Yeah that."
Love this! Awesome! |
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I’m not after a relationship or partner, I simply want to fuck as many women as humanly possible!
Why?
Because I love meeting women for sex, either for a one off encounter or regular meets.
I’m pretty sure there a high percentage of folk who will say they want a relationship or say pretty much anything to cop a meet.
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I do think some of it is guys saying what they think a woman wants to hear in the hope of getting laid. Some of it is real though.
I've been doing the online thing for a really long time now, and on a hookup site I can normally find myself a FB within a couple of weeks.
I'm always very clear that I want regular overnight stays but it's about the sex, it isn't and will never be a relationship because it's not what I'm looking for.
It all goes well, we enjoy a year or two of fantastic funny sexy times but then there's always that moment when he wants more, and it all gets horribly stressy and we split up (my favourite ever FB decided he wanted marriage as he approached 40  , another kept asking about my contraceptive implant because he really wanted a baby and thought I would warm to the idea).
The main purpose of my being on here rather than a hookup site, even though it has proved so much more difficult to find what I want on here, is because I figure there won't be that same drive towards a relationship progression. Yes I want regular sex, yes there is a certain level of intimacy in an overnight stay, and yes I feel a lot of love for all my FB/FWBs, but I'm never going to want to move in together or meet family and friends! |
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3 things
Getting a meet for a guy is difficult and when he gets a hook in that lil fishy he can't be arsed going through the process over and over when he's got one on the line. Easier to keep this one than reload with another maggot.
Secondly, he wouldn't be saying he wanted regular if he could get a meet without effort.
Thirdly, he might just want a one off. Much the same way many men here are "single" coz many peeps won't meet cheats, he wants "regular" coz he's thinks that's what the vageeen wants to hear. |
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"3 things
Getting a meet for a guy is difficult and when he gets a hook in that lil fishy he can't be arsed going through the process over and over when he's got one on the line. Easier to keep this one than reload with another maggot.
Secondly, he wouldn't be saying he wanted regular if he could get a meet without effort.
Thirdly, he might just want a one off. Much the same way many men here are "single" coz many peeps won't meet cheats, he wants "regular" coz he's thinks that's what the vageeen wants to hear."
Peach your baaaaaaack.
It’s best to use chocolate for lil fishy rather than the hated maggot  |
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"You know how the Predator from the Predator films changes its tactics, its armour and camouflage system everytime it's defeated? It learns the weaknesses, adapts to survive and win.
Yeah that."
All of this |
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By *aui.Man
over a year ago
around here |
(Read in David Attenborough voice) The Male of the species is a cunning hunter driven for his insatiable need to copulate. While from an outside prospective he may seem one dimensional and occasionally Neanderthal. Internally he is complex and has an great aptitude for learning. His pray, the female often makes it clear what she wants and is looking for. The male will pick up on these subtle signals and eventually changes his behaviour. “Want a fuck” eventually becoming “want a relationship”. Other males see this new tactic working and soon start to emulate the technique. |
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"(Read in David Attenborough voice) The Male of the species is a cunning hunter driven for his insatiable need to copulate. While from an outside prospective he may seem one dimensional and occasionally Neanderthal. Internally he is complex and has an great aptitude for learning. His pray, the female often makes it clear what she wants and is looking for. The male will pick up on these subtle signals and eventually changes his behaviour. “Want a fuck” eventually becoming “want a relationship”. Other males see this new tactic working and soon start to emulate the technique."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Back in the day (in my experience), it was females who wanted regular, wanted some form of commitment, wanted relationships - whilst lots of guys wanted one offs and regular was the last thing they wanted.
Recently, my inbox (here and elsewhere) is mostly guys looking for regular, hoping to turn it into a relationship, wanting more than a one off and I’m the one not wanting any of that!
Have times changed or is it just my age? (Although it’s younger lads asking this too)
"
I think one of the contributing factors here is that the work place is, quite rightly, a much more level playing field now. Women are much more likely to have a career and earn good money so they are not so inclined to have (or need) a relationship or marriage as they can survive on their own. Add in the ‘easy ness’ of arranging a meet on sites like this (and just in general) to meet certain ‘needs’ that Ladies might have, then I think you are correct OP, Men to an extent are feeling ‘threatened’ or surplus to requirements so have now become the hunters.
Hope that doesn’t sound sexist, it’s not meant to be, just an observance I’ve had over the last couple of years. |
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"(Read in David Attenborough voice) The Male of the species is a cunning hunter driven for his insatiable need to copulate. While from an outside prospective he may seem one dimensional and occasionally Neanderthal. Internally he is complex and has an great aptitude for learning. His pray, the female often makes it clear what she wants and is looking for. The male will pick up on these subtle signals and eventually changes his behaviour. “Want a fuck” eventually becoming “want a relationship”. Other males see this new tactic working and soon start to emulate the technique."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Back in the day (in my experience), it was females who wanted regular, wanted some form of commitment, wanted relationships - whilst lots of guys wanted one offs and regular was the last thing they wanted.
Recently, my inbox (here and elsewhere) is mostly guys looking for regular, hoping to turn it into a relationship, wanting more than a one off and I’m the one not wanting any of that!
Have times changed or is it just my age? (Although it’s younger lads asking this too)
I think one of the contributing factors here is that the work place is, quite rightly, a much more level playing field now. Women are much more likely to have a career and earn good money so they are not so inclined to have (or need) a relationship or marriage as they can survive on their own. Add in the ‘easy ness’ of arranging a meet on sites like this (and just in general) to meet certain ‘needs’ that Ladies might have, then I think you are correct OP, Men to an extent are feeling ‘threatened’ or surplus to requirements so have now become the hunters.
Hope that doesn’t sound sexist, it’s not meant to be, just an observance I’ve had over the last couple of years. "
I agree completely |
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"You know how the Predator from the Predator films changes its tactics, its armour and camouflage system everytime it's defeated? It learns the weaknesses, adapts to survive and win.
Yeah that."
This |
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"Probably just a line!
Hmmm sometimes maybe but often when I say “no sorry, I’m not looking for anything like that” they say “no problem, that’s a shame, thanks” etc etc (although some do change their tact).
I met this lovely guy, told him there would be nothing more, he said he was ok although initially said he wanted a relationship to come from it. He wasn’t ok with it, kept inviting me to bloody family weddings etc! Trying to get something started! So yeah, some lie but I do think times have changed."
Attend the wedding and when someone asks how you met, tell them a swinging site |
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"You can have both if your partner enjoys swinging too. It’s wonderful to have a relationship and be promiscuous. We need physical enjoyment of more than just one person and the love of another or more ( eg poly)"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Probably just a line!
Hmmm sometimes maybe but often when I say “no sorry, I’m not looking for anything like that” they say “no problem, that’s a shame, thanks” etc etc (although some do change their tact).
I met this lovely guy, told him there would be nothing more, he said he was ok although initially said he wanted a relationship to come from it. He wasn’t ok with it, kept inviting me to bloody family weddings etc! Trying to get something started! So yeah, some lie but I do think times have changed.
Attend the wedding and when someone asks how you met, tell them a swinging site "
Hahaha I’m really not the girl you want to take to a family wedding! I’d be pissed and on the tables within an hour |
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By *JB1954Man
over a year ago
Reading |
I have found. On Fab getting a meet for me very difficult . I do admit not to sending many messages. Perhaps average two a week. On other hookup sites and yes do get more responses. My findings are females that want ONS seem to be more than ones who want regular. Like others males looking for regular , as if do get a meet etc . At least no more rejections etc. which plays a part . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bits of truth throughout alot of the replies on here.
Men will say what they think women want to hear
A man may change what he thinks after he cums
Women are tailoring their needs to their own lives more & more
Men find it harder to get meets so if they have someone they like they will be keen on repeat meets
Men can be lazy and don't want to start the cycle of finding someone again
One main factor throughout is the 'power dynamic' on here. Its weighted in favour of women due to the ratio of men to women so a woman (generally speaking) has plenty of options and she's free to explore them and may not want to limit herself.
All fun and games as long as no1 is fucked over as such |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s the date app thing crossing over they don’t mean it
It worked for them there tell them that want this that and the next thing hump and dump
They thinking it work hear whare fabs the total opposite being truthful in what your after will get you further |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I absolutely don’t think it’s changed. I think guys have cottoned on to the fact that most women want those things so they’ll promise them to get their fucks and then be gone like a fart in the wind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Back in the day (in my experience), it was females who wanted regular, wanted some form of commitment, wanted relationships - whilst lots of guys wanted one offs and regular was the last thing they wanted.
Recently, my inbox (here and elsewhere) is mostly guys looking for regular, hoping to turn it into a relationship, wanting more than a one off and I’m the one not wanting any of that!
Have times changed or is it just my age? (Although it’s younger lads asking this too)
"
It's cus you're wifey material op |
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I'm not sure, but it is an intriguing topic. My experience 15 years ago in my early 20s was that I was seeking out men, being very clear I wanted NSA, and then once we fucked it was them begging and pleading for a relationship. Them wanting to cuddle while I'm passing them their clothes so they can leave. Them wanting a good morning/goodnight text. Etc. I saw it over and over. All bluster about being a player but the reality was they wanted to be loved. It got quite tedious because I got so fed up of being lied to especially when I was so clear about what I wanted (and didn't want). |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Back in the day (in my experience), it was females who wanted regular, wanted some form of commitment, wanted relationships - whilst lots of guys wanted one offs and regular was the last thing they wanted.
Recently, my inbox (here and elsewhere) is mostly guys looking for regular, hoping to turn it into a relationship, wanting more than a one off and I’m the one not wanting any of that!
Have times changed or is it just my age? (Although it’s younger lads asking this too)
It's cus you're wifey material op "
Hahaha I’m really not! I swear too much, drink too much, I’m too loud, very opinionated and moody as fuck |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure, but it is an intriguing topic. My experience 15 years ago in my early 20s was that I was seeking out men, being very clear I wanted NSA, and then once we fucked it was them begging and pleading for a relationship. Them wanting to cuddle while I'm passing them their clothes so they can leave. Them wanting a good morning/goodnight text. Etc. I saw it over and over. All bluster about being a player but the reality was they wanted to be loved. It got quite tedious because I got so fed up of being lied to especially when I was so clear about what I wanted (and didn't want). "
Exactly! They want to cuddle and be lovey dovey while I’m throwing their clothes at them and wanting them to leave! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Back in the day (in my experience), it was females who wanted regular, wanted some form of commitment, wanted relationships - whilst lots of guys wanted one offs and regular was the last thing they wanted.
Recently, my inbox (here and elsewhere) is mostly guys looking for regular, hoping to turn it into a relationship, wanting more than a one off and I’m the one not wanting any of that!
Have times changed or is it just my age? (Although it’s younger lads asking this too)
It's cus you're wifey material op
Hahaha I’m really not! I swear too much, drink too much, I’m too loud, very opinionated and moody as fuck "
If its in a sexy scouse accent you can call me a cunt all you like  |
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Society has moved on a little and its now more accepted for a woman to behave exactly like a man has done for years without her being negatively labelled. The same behaviour Where historically a man was a ‘stud’ and a woman was ‘easy’ or worse!
Some men do want the comfort and intimacy of a relationship I think the difference now is more women won’t settle for a mediocre unfulfilling relationship - perhaps in the past they had to.
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"Bits of truth throughout alot of the replies on here.
Men will say what they think women want to hear
A man may change what he thinks after he cums
Women are tailoring their needs to their own lives more & more
Men find it harder to get meets so if they have someone they like they will be keen on repeat meets
Men can be lazy and don't want to start the cycle of finding someone again
One main factor throughout is the 'power dynamic' on here. Its weighted in favour of women due to the ratio of men to women so a woman (generally speaking) has plenty of options and she's free to explore them and may not want to limit herself.
All fun and games as long as no1 is fucked over as such "
Agreed. Good summary. Add in that men DO like relationships too, but that fab not best place to start...  |
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"
Exactly! They want to cuddle and be lovey dovey while I’m throwing their clothes at them and wanting them to leave! "
Yes, but I'm talking about 15 years ago. So in my experience it is not a new phenomenon, if you see what I mean |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Exactly! They want to cuddle and be lovey dovey while I’m throwing their clothes at them and wanting them to leave!
Yes, but I'm talking about 15 years ago. So in my experience it is not a new phenomenon, if you see what I mean"
I do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Interesting that if a gal is looking for NSA, then that's the truth, and go her.
If a guy looks for a relationship, it's a trap, men are only after one thing....
I do wonder if ENM helps cteaye a halfway house, so guys can say they are looking for a relationship without having to shut the door on their other sexual preferences .... |
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I agree with the "it's just a line" some (not all) men think that all women want a relationship. So that's what they tell you, or leave it opened ended "happy to see where things go"
On another app, they say one thing on their profile yet more than happy if I match and say FWB.
Yet on here, I get the expectation of being exclusive to them... If I wanted exclusive I'd get a bf. |
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I'm always honest, I'm not looking for a relationship at the moment and I'm not looking to see where it goes.
I want fun with people I can be friends with and just enjoy the company without drama and anxiety or having to get permission.
I'm actually enjoying single life apart from the lack of sex, it's nice to be able to do what I like and when I like and not have to explain anything to a partner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Back in the day (in my experience), it was females who wanted regular, wanted some form of commitment, wanted relationships - whilst lots of guys wanted one offs and regular was the last thing they wanted.
Recently, my inbox (here and elsewhere) is mostly guys looking for regular, hoping to turn it into a relationship, wanting more than a one off and I’m the one not wanting any of that!
Have times changed or is it just my age? (Although it’s younger lads asking this too)
"
Guys probably looking for a lady that wants the same as them , a lot of all the early nervousness is gone straight away when people meet up here , they both know what they want straight off and if they can make that connection well then isn't it a great way to go into a relationship . |
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"This is a really interesting question I don't know the answer to it is my tuppence worth but I can say I'm in the same position as you, I don't want a relationship I know that 100%.
I do think maybe and this is the cynic in me that there are lots of people (both men and women) who will say anything to get what they want. They see it as game playing rather than another human beings feelings and emotions.
You mean that guys say that as they think it’s what ladies want to hear? "
Not going to lie, that was my first thought. |
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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago
mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds |
No idea, I joined here many years ago after a divorce and found at the time lots of fun and friskiness as that episode in my life ended and another chapter began I'm looking for something more substantive,
We all go through phases of looking for,finding it and as we develop seeking something different.
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