I think it's very obvious when there are serious problems in a relationship.
Loss of intimacy, lots of arguments,or no communication at all, not wanting to spend time together, unhappiness in the person, emotional upset,the list is endless. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get you .but do people not sacrifice there self for there kids ?"
I’m sure many that are family oriented do, assuming no serious harm causing issues beyond being a but miserable. But surely after 25 years together kids are grown and ild enough not to be affected. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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3 months out of a 24yr marriage..
You definitely know.. I stayed for the children and the convenience I guess. 3 months on and I wish I'd have ended it years ago.. My kids who are now in there 20s said they knew I was unhappy years ago.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love my partner always will but I think we have drifted apart not just me both of us .do you stick to what you know or change it ?"
Is there a ‘right’ answer?
Those who've split will tell you it is the best thing. Those who’ve stuck it out will say the same. Others might regret either option. Only you can decide if it is best for you and whether you’ve done what you feel needs doing to reach that conclusion (e.g counselling etc). But you have to consider yourself not just others.
Either way wishing you all the best. |
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"I love my partner always will but I think we have drifted apart not just me both of us .do you stick to what you know or change it ?
Is there a ‘right’ answer?
Those who've split will tell you it is the best thing. Those who’ve stuck it out will say the same. Others might regret either option. Only you can decide if it is best for you and whether you’ve done what you feel needs doing to reach that conclusion (e.g counselling etc). But you have to consider yourself not just others.
Either way wishing you all the best. "
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From what I see, hear and read quite frequently one partner often has no idea. Whether that's because they deliberately ignore the signs, their partner is extremely good at hiding things or they're oblivious to their partners dissatisfaction I don't know.
If anyone thinks there's a problem in their relationship the best thing they can do is speak up. |
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"I get you .but do people not sacrifice there self for there kids ?"
I don’t believe in staying together for kids unless you are genuinely happy. No matter how hard you try it won’t be a happy home if the parents aren’t happy together. That’s just my view on it. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
Sit down and have an open chat with her op, you usually know when it's over for you.Does she feel the same too?
Is it something you can work on, or have you tried and now think it can't be worked at. |
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
Thank you for your responses. Many talks have gone on over the years and always end the same way .but nothing ever changes .I know if I left my partner she couldn't afford everything and that is a big part of my question? I do not or would never hurt somebody like that .I'm not selfish as to leave someone like that .but is it fair on her me staying if we have run are course ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me there was no intimacy, we had nothing in common anymore, didn’t communicate apart from talking about the kids, I ended up resenting him for making me so unhappy, had told him many times how unhappy I was but he never did anything to change things. I knew it was def over when I was tempted to stray. I tried my hardest to stick it out but when you end up going through each day just feeling numb I think you need to make tough decisions x |
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"I get you .but do people not sacrifice there self for there kids ?
I don’t believe in staying together for kids unless you are genuinely happy. No matter how hard you try it won’t be a happy home if the parents aren’t happy together. That’s just my view on it. "
but my kids are happy thats the problem x |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
"I get you .but do people not sacrifice there self for there kids ?
I don’t believe in staying together for kids unless you are genuinely happy. No matter how hard you try it won’t be a happy home if the parents aren’t happy together. That’s just my view on it. but my kids are happy thats the problem x"
Thats what you see, talk to them and your wife.
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"Sit down and have an open chat with her op, you usually know when it's over for you.Does she feel the same too?
Is it something you can work on, or have you tried and now think it can't be worked at. "
yes sat down many times and it get better then back to normal x |
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"For me there was no intimacy, we had nothing in common anymore, didn’t communicate apart from talking about the kids, I ended up resenting him for making me so unhappy, had told him many times how unhappy I was but he never did anything to change things. I knew it was def over when I was tempted to stray. I tried my hardest to stick it out but when you end up going through each day just feeling numb I think you need to make tough decisions x"
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"For me there was no intimacy, we had nothing in common anymore, didn’t communicate apart from talking about the kids, I ended up resenting him for making me so unhappy, had told him many times how unhappy I was but he never did anything to change things. I knew it was def over .when I was tempted to stray. I tried my hardest to stick it out but when you end up going through each day just feeling numb I think you need to make tough decisions x"
so in your case being tempted was the make or break decision x
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"Thank you for your responses. Many talks have gone on over the years and always end the same way .but nothing ever changes .I know if I left my partner she couldn't afford everything and that is a big part of my question? I do not or would never hurt somebody like that .I'm not selfish as to leave someone like that .but is it fair on her me staying if we have run are course ? "
Firstly my answer is based just on what you're saying, I don't know your partners side of the story which is why my first response always is *talk*. However I wonder if she knew you were actually thinking of ending the relationship if she'd be more open to compromise (that also means you would need to compromise too).
You mention being fair to her but you're not being honest about feeling that you're over. Not many people want someone to stay with them out of pity, that's humiliating.
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"My parents stayed together and I was brought up with no love and it has made my unemotional,hence I stopped my married before it got to that stage. Have well adjusted grown up kids now"
I was the same with my parents thats why I said I would be different. They are all happy with makes me feel I have done something right x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How would somebody know if there 25 Yr relationship was coming to and end ??"
That's a hell of a long time together to walk away from.
26yrs here. I change daily from adoring him to wanting him buried under the patio. That's normal for me though. When I didn't care either way, when he failed to elicit any kind of emotion or response from me...then alarm bells would be ringing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me there was no intimacy, we had nothing in common anymore, didn’t communicate apart from talking about the kids, I ended up resenting him for making me so unhappy, had told him many times how unhappy I was but he never did anything to change things. I knew it was def over .when I was tempted to stray. I tried my hardest to stick it out but when you end up going through each day just feeling numb I think you need to make tough decisions x so in your case being tempted was the make or break decision x"
Yeah in the end it was. I didn’t wanna be that person that messed around behind his back. |
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"Thank you for your responses. Many talks have gone on over the years and always end the same way .but nothing ever changes .I know if I left my partner she couldn't afford everything and that is a big part of my question? I do not or would never hurt somebody like that .I'm not selfish as to leave someone like that .but is it fair on her me staying if we have run are course ?
Firstly my answer is based just on what you're saying, I don't know your partners side of the story which is why my first response always is *talk*. However I wonder if she knew you were actually thinking of ending the relationship if she'd be more open to compromise (that also means you would need to compromise too).
You mention being fair to her but you're not being honest about feeling that you're over. Not many people want someone to stay with them out of pity, that's humiliating.
"
we have had the conversation 20 times over the years I know we could probably have a break but would that just push us further apart ? X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I get you .but do people not sacrifice there self for there kids ?"
I did that for a long time, and then I couldn’t take it any more, and I now realise I was modelling a dysfunctional relationship to them, and we are all so much happier now. Kids need happy parents, whether that’s together or apart. |
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"Thank you for your responses. Many talks have gone on over the years and always end the same way .but nothing ever changes .I know if I left my partner she couldn't afford everything and that is a big part of my question? I do not or would never hurt somebody like that .I'm not selfish as to leave someone like that .but is it fair on her me staying if we have run are course ?
Firstly my answer is based just on what you're saying, I don't know your partners side of the story which is why my first response always is *talk*. However I wonder if she knew you were actually thinking of ending the relationship if she'd be more open to compromise (that also means you would need to compromise too).
You mention being fair to her but you're not being honest about feeling that you're over. Not many people want someone to stay with them out of pity, that's humiliating.
we have had the conversation 20 times over the years I know we could probably have a break but would that just push us further apart ? X"
That is an unanswerable question...unless you are actually hoping that you can soften the blow by saying it's a break then just never going back.
If that isn't the case a break might make both of you realise things about the other person that make you feel differently. |
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"How would somebody know if there 25 Yr relationship was coming to and end ??
That's a hell of a long time together to walk away from.
26yrs here. I change daily from adoring him to wanting him buried under the patio. That's normal for me though. When I didn't care either way, when he failed to elicit any kind of emotion or response from me...then alarm bells would be ringing."
I cuddle her every night in bed .I know she is going threw a bad time at work but I'm talking the last 15 years hear x |
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"Thank you for your responses. Many talks have gone on over the years and always end the same way .but nothing ever changes .I know if I left my partner she couldn't afford everything and that is a big part of my question? I do not or would never hurt somebody like that .I'm not selfish as to leave someone like that .but is it fair on her me staying if we have run are course ?
Firstly my answer is based just on what you're saying, I don't know your partners side of the story which is why my first response always is *talk*. However I wonder if she knew you were actually thinking of ending the relationship if she'd be more open to compromise (that also means you would need to compromise too).
You mention being fair to her but you're not being honest about feeling that you're over. Not many people want someone to stay with them out of pity, that's humiliating.
we have had the conversation 20 times over the years I know we could probably have a break but would that just push us further apart ? X
That is an unanswerable question...unless you are actually hoping that you can soften the blow by saying it's a break then just never going back.
If that isn't the case a break might make both of you realise things about the other person that make you feel differently."
thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You start seeing that person like a piece of the furniture almost. Someone that you haven’t looked at with excitement or fresh eyes for years. And you completely take each other for granted. |
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"You start seeing that person like a piece of the furniture almost. Someone that you haven’t looked at with excitement or fresh eyes for years. And you completely take each other for granted."
totally agree but you love the furniture ????? x
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"I get you .but do people not sacrifice there self for there kids ?
I did that for a long time, and then I couldn’t take it any more, and I now realise I was modelling a dysfunctional relationship to them, and we are all so much happier now. Kids need happy parents, whether that’s together or apart. "
thank you x |
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"Thank you for your responses. Many talks have gone on over the years and always end the same way .but nothing ever changes .I know if I left my partner she couldn't afford everything and that is a big part of my question? I do not or would never hurt somebody like that .I'm not selfish as to leave someone like that .but is it fair on her me staying if we have run are course ?
Firstly my answer is based just on what you're saying, I don't know your partners side of the story which is why my first response always is *talk*. However I wonder if she knew you were actually thinking of ending the relationship if she'd be more open to compromise (that also means you would need to compromise too).
You mention being fair to her but you're not being honest about feeling that you're over. Not many people want someone to stay with them out of pity, that's humiliating.
we have had the conversation 20 times over the years I know we could probably have a break but would that just push us further apart ? X
That is an unanswerable question...unless you are actually hoping that you can soften the blow by saying it's a break then just never going back.
If that isn't the case a break might make both of you realise things about the other person that make you feel differently."
but what if your partner thinks your to good for them and no matter how many times you try to correct them your still wrong x |
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"Thank you for your responses. Many talks have gone on over the years and always end the same way .but nothing ever changes .I know if I left my partner she couldn't afford everything and that is a big part of my question? I do not or would never hurt somebody like that .I'm not selfish as to leave someone like that .but is it fair on her me staying if we have run are course ?
Firstly my answer is based just on what you're saying, I don't know your partners side of the story which is why my first response always is *talk*. However I wonder if she knew you were actually thinking of ending the relationship if she'd be more open to compromise (that also means you would need to compromise too).
You mention being fair to her but you're not being honest about feeling that you're over. Not many people want someone to stay with them out of pity, that's humiliating.
we have had the conversation 20 times over the years I know we could probably have a break but would that just push us further apart ? X
That is an unanswerable question...unless you are actually hoping that you can soften the blow by saying it's a break then just never going back.
If that isn't the case a break might make both of you realise things about the other person that make you feel differently.but what if your partner thinks your to good for them and no matter how many times you try to correct them your still wrong x"
Your partner thinks you're too good for them?
What do you want to do? |
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"I get you .but do people not sacrifice there self for there kids ?"
My parents did this, it was miserable as hell. We knew they were unhappy and it made me and my sister unhappy. Kids pick up on more than adults think they do. I personally believe it's more important for kids to have a happy household be that in different households if needs be. |
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My parents stayed together for us children, he actually told me this when I was driving him home from the hospital where she was having just sustained a serious head injury we didn't expect her to recover from (she did). They actually celebrate 67 years of marriage next year, I know it hasn't been a bed of roses and I can't possibly say how my life would have been if they'd split. So I'm on the fence about whether people should stay together for the kids or not |
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"Thank you for your responses. Many talks have gone on over the years and always end the same way .but nothing ever changes .I know if I left my partner she couldn't afford everything and that is a big part of my question? I do not or would never hurt somebody like that .I'm not selfish as to leave someone like that .but is it fair on her me staying if we have run are course ?
Firstly my answer is based just on what you're saying, I don't know your partners side of the story which is why my first response always is *talk*. However I wonder if she knew you were actually thinking of ending the relationship if she'd be more open to compromise (that also means you would need to compromise too).
You mention being fair to her but you're not being honest about feeling that you're over. Not many people want someone to stay with them out of pity, that's humiliating.
we have had the conversation 20 times over the years I know we could probably have a break but would that just push us further apart ? X
That is an unanswerable question...unless you are actually hoping that you can soften the blow by saying it's a break then just never going back.
If that isn't the case a break might make both of you realise things about the other person that make you feel differently.but what if your partner thinks your to good for them and no matter how many times you try to correct them your still wrong x
Your partner thinks you're too good for them?
What do you want to do? "
live a happy life together without being blamed for everything under the sun .x |
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"I get you .but do people not sacrifice there self for there kids ?
My parents did this, it was miserable as hell. We knew they were unhappy and it made me and my sister unhappy. Kids pick up on more than adults think they do. I personally believe it's more important for kids to have a happy household be that in different households if needs be. "
my kids are all older now and they know how life works with there own partners lol .but I don't want to throw 25 yrs away but thats how I'm feeling ?? x |
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"Thank you for your responses. Many talks have gone on over the years and always end the same way .but nothing ever changes .I know if I left my partner she couldn't afford everything and that is a big part of my question? I do not or would never hurt somebody like that .I'm not selfish as to leave someone like that .but is it fair on her me staying if we have run are course ?
Firstly my answer is based just on what you're saying, I don't know your partners side of the story which is why my first response always is *talk*. However I wonder if she knew you were actually thinking of ending the relationship if she'd be more open to compromise (that also means you would need to compromise too).
You mention being fair to her but you're not being honest about feeling that you're over. Not many people want someone to stay with them out of pity, that's humiliating.
we have had the conversation 20 times over the years I know we could probably have a break but would that just push us further apart ? X
That is an unanswerable question...unless you are actually hoping that you can soften the blow by saying it's a break then just never going back.
If that isn't the case a break might make both of you realise things about the other person that make you feel differently.but what if your partner thinks your to good for them and no matter how many times you try to correct them your still wrong x
Your partner thinks you're too good for them?
What do you want to do? live a happy life together without being blamed for everything under the sun .x"
Again I qualify my answer by saying I don't know your partners side of this but how can you be both too good for them and to blame for everything?
Do you feel able to say that either things change or you leave? Have you considered that she might be just as unhappy as you are? How would you feel if you suggested a break and she eagerly agreed? |
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"Could be a sign when you join a swingers site alone to get a little fun.
End it and do the right thing for you both"
having a look and actually going for it are 2 separate things .I haven't been with another women for 25 1/2 yrs so would probably shit myself lol |
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"Thank you for your responses. Many talks have gone on over the years and always end the same way .but nothing ever changes .I know if I left my partner she couldn't afford everything and that is a big part of my question? I do not or would never hurt somebody like that .I'm not selfish as to leave someone like that .but is it fair on her me staying if we have run are course ?
Firstly my answer is based just on what you're saying, I don't know your partners side of the story which is why my first response always is *talk*. However I wonder if she knew you were actually thinking of ending the relationship if she'd be more open to compromise (that also means you would need to compromise too).
You mention being fair to her but you're not being honest about feeling that you're over. Not many people want someone to stay with them out of pity, that's humiliating.
we have had the conversation 20 times over the years I know we could probably have a break but would that just push us further apart ? X
That is an unanswerable question...unless you are actually hoping that you can soften the blow by saying it's a break then just never going back.
If that isn't the case a break might make both of you realise things about the other person that make you feel differently.but what if your partner thinks your to good for them and no matter how many times you try to correct them your still wrong x
Your partner thinks you're too good for them?
What do you want to do? live a happy life together without being blamed for everything under the sun .x
Again I qualify my answer by saying I don't know your partners side of this but how can you be both too good for them and to blame for everything?
Do you feel able to say that either things change or you leave? Have you considered that she might be just as unhappy as you are? How would you feel if you suggested a break and she eagerly agreed?"
did it a few years ago agreed on a break but we couldn't do it financially and still probably couldn't unless I want her to lose her home which I don't x |
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"Thank you for your responses. Many talks have gone on over the years and always end the same way .but nothing ever changes .I know if I left my partner she couldn't afford everything and that is a big part of my question? I do not or would never hurt somebody like that .I'm not selfish as to leave someone like that .but is it fair on her me staying if we have run are course ?
Firstly my answer is based just on what you're saying, I don't know your partners side of the story which is why my first response always is *talk*. However I wonder if she knew you were actually thinking of ending the relationship if she'd be more open to compromise (that also means you would need to compromise too).
You mention being fair to her but you're not being honest about feeling that you're over. Not many people want someone to stay with them out of pity, that's humiliating.
we have had the conversation 20 times over the years I know we could probably have a break but would that just push us further apart ? X
That is an unanswerable question...unless you are actually hoping that you can soften the blow by saying it's a break then just never going back.
If that isn't the case a break might make both of you realise things about the other person that make you feel differently.but what if your partner thinks your to good for them and no matter how many times you try to correct them your still wrong x
Your partner thinks you're too good for them?
What do you want to do? live a happy life together without being blamed for everything under the sun .x
Again I qualify my answer by saying I don't know your partners side of this but how can you be both too good for them and to blame for everything?
Do you feel able to say that either things change or you leave? Have you considered that she might be just as unhappy as you are? How would you feel if you suggested a break and she eagerly agreed? did it a few years ago agreed on a break but we couldn't do it financially and still probably couldn't unless I want her to lose her home which I don't x"
There's no way to end a relationship without one or both of you needing to radically alter your living conditions. If you don't want her to experience any changes then you're going to have to stay. |
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"Thank you for your responses. Many talks have gone on over the years and always end the same way .but nothing ever changes .I know if I left my partner she couldn't afford everything and that is a big part of my question? I do not or would never hurt somebody like that .I'm not selfish as to leave someone like that .but is it fair on her me staying if we have run are course ?
Firstly my answer is based just on what you're saying, I don't know your partners side of the story which is why my first response always is *talk*. However I wonder if she knew you were actually thinking of ending the relationship if she'd be more open to compromise (that also means you would need to compromise too).
You mention being fair to her but you're not being honest about feeling that you're over. Not many people want someone to stay with them out of pity, that's humiliating.
we have had the conversation 20 times over the years I know we could probably have a break but would that just push us further apart ? X
That is an unanswerable question...unless you are actually hoping that you can soften the blow by saying it's a break then just never going back.
If that isn't the case a break might make both of you realise things about the other person that make you feel differently.but what if your partner thinks your to good for them and no matter how many times you try to correct them your still wrong x
Your partner thinks you're too good for them?
What do you want to do? live a happy life together without being blamed for everything under the sun .x
Again I qualify my answer by saying I don't know your partners side of this but how can you be both too good for them and to blame for everything?
Do you feel able to say that either things change or you leave? Have you considered that she might be just as unhappy as you are? How would you feel if you suggested a break and she eagerly agreed? did it a few years ago agreed on a break but we couldn't do it financially and still probably couldn't unless I want her to lose her home which I don't x
There's no way to end a relationship without one or both of you needing to radically alter your living conditions. If you don't want her to experience any changes then you're going to have to stay. "
thank you for taking the time out to listen x |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
You've been together for 25 years? So you were 20, very young. Are you wondering what you may have missed out on perhaps? Different partners etc?
That's a long relationship to walk away from but if you've had problems for 15 years as you said, surely if things were fixable you'd of done it after all that time. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
Just show her your fab profile and let her make the decision you seem unable to.
As a bonus show her this thread, and let her be even more humiliated that you thought talking on fab was more relevant than talking to her... |
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"You've been together for 25 years? So you were 20, very young. Are you wondering what you may have missed out on perhaps? Different partners etc?
That's a long relationship to walk away from but if you've had problems for 15 years as you said, surely if things were fixable you'd of done it after all that time."
yes was young but we both had are fun earlier on lol .as i state problems for 15 years probably more and always worked at them but things just seem different lately thats all I can say .but I'm very appreciated for everyone's comments so thank you x |
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By *aul100 OP Man
over a year ago
blackburn |
"Just show her your fab profile and let her make the decision you seem unable to.
As a bonus show her this thread, and let her be even more humiliated that you thought talking on fab was more relevant than talking to her..."
we've been having are conversations for years and we actually set up a profile together on fab so plz don't try and belittle me as I'm asking for people's opinions. |
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