FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Male vs Female Pleasure & The Power Dynamic cont.
Male vs Female Pleasure & The Power Dynamic cont.
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Wow.. didn’t think my late night pondering would generate such good discussion.. it’s been really interesting reading everyone’s point..
we veered a lot in to D/s dynamic but I guess I’m more questioning whether in society it’s conditioned that sex is seen as male led thing.. men seeking pleasure from women as opposed to seeking mutual pleasure..
So particularly relevant to this site.. us women get lots of messages saying things like..
‘I’d love to pound you with my hard cock and fill you with my heavy load’
And variations on this theme.
Which suggest that some (not all or even many) men view women as receptacles for their pleasure (That sounds so gross saying it but you get the point) and our pleasure is not at the forefront..
Whereas I bet there are not many women who send similar first messages such as
‘I wanna sit on your face, ride you hard until I cover your face in my cum’
(I quite like that as a first message might use that in future  , but I digress)
Both examples suggest that the sender is focussed purely on their pleasure not that of the other person. But is this attitude more prevalent in men, is it a primal thing, conditioning, porn?
Let’s continue this discussion.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think the question as to whether sex in society is predominantly male led can only be answered by women. Whether it should be is something else again."
Oh I think mens opinions on this count as well!
Views on sex have definitely changed for the better.
I know from my grandmothers generation sex was seen as a duty, something you did to please your husband. Thankfully that view is in the past (hopefully) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My question was asking whether you think submissives aren’t confident, and my comment was my experiences are balanced, with equal power and pleasure, being submissive doesn’t diminish that? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think the question as to whether sex in society is predominantly male led can only be answered by women. Whether it should be is something else again.
Can I ride your face?  "
Sure, but I'm curious to know whether it's because you like it or because you don't like it. My face that is..?. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think the question as to whether sex in society is predominantly male led can only be answered by women. Whether it should be is something else again.
Oh I think mens opinions on this count as well!
Views on sex have definitely changed for the better.
I know from my grandmothers generation sex was seen as a duty, something you did to please your husband. Thankfully that view is in the past (hopefully)"
It should be, but my, probably limited considering all the mega studs on fab, experience suggests not. It's important to me that my sexual partner is fulfilled, not just acting for my pleasure. Yet, most have been reluctant to let themselves go, and it's only with some gentle encouragement that they have taken a lead. It's great to see when they do.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think the question as to whether sex in society is predominantly male led can only be answered by women. Whether it should be is something else again.
Can I ride your face? "
p.s. Is it ok if I frame this post.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My question was asking whether you think submissives aren’t confident, and my comment was my experiences are balanced, with equal power and pleasure, being submissive doesn’t diminish that?"
Oh I don’t believe that submissives in a true D/s relationship aren’t confident.. from what I’ve understood of that dynamic it’s has to be a true equal balance of power for it to work and it is about equal pleasure..
I guess my original question relates to whether women are more naturally submissive..
Not necessarily relating to genuine D/s dynamics.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My question was asking whether you think submissives aren’t confident, and my comment was my experiences are balanced, with equal power and pleasure, being submissive doesn’t diminish that?
Oh I don’t believe that submissives in a true D/s relationship aren’t confident.. from what I’ve understood of that dynamic it’s has to be a true equal balance of power for it to work and it is about equal pleasure..
I guess my original question relates to whether women are more naturally submissive..
Not necessarily relating to genuine D/s dynamics.."
I know that was your original question, I was just interested in your thoughts, after the thread went in that direction.
Do you think submissive women get as much pleasure as dominant/confident/ forward women? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My question was asking whether you think submissives aren’t confident, and my comment was my experiences are balanced, with equal power and pleasure, being submissive doesn’t diminish that?
Oh I don’t believe that submissives in a true D/s relationship aren’t confident.. from what I’ve understood of that dynamic it’s has to be a true equal balance of power for it to work and it is about equal pleasure..
I guess my original question relates to whether women are more naturally submissive..
Not necessarily relating to genuine D/s dynamics..
I know that was your original question, I was just interested in your thoughts, after the thread went in that direction.
Do you think submissive women get as much pleasure as dominant/confident/ forward women? "
Ooh that’s a tough one.. I guess I think it depends on the individual.. I don’t necessarily think it’s about one or the other side getting more pleasure..
it all depends on personality I guess.. there will be submissive women who are confident at expressing their needs/desires just as there will be unconfident submissives who let the guy take the lead and not express their desires..
Maybe some submissive women get more pleasure as they have the ability to truly let go and totally trust the person they are with.
Whereas some confident/dominant women may be so focussed on control they don’t completely let themselves go!
So I’ve just gone round in a circle.. but I do think it’s down to the individuals mindset & dynamic of the relationship.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The messages from men saying they will pound that pussy....
On this site I think that's because of the nature of the site. The explicit pics, the sex TripAdvisor reviews, the sex menus on profiles ('Interests' list).
Men have actually called veris "reviews" which sounds to me like they think it's some kind of service. Pick one that sounds good and shag them.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"My question was asking whether you think submissives aren’t confident, and my comment was my experiences are balanced, with equal power and pleasure, being submissive doesn’t diminish that?"
In my opinion and my experience, submission is only one part of a couples dynamic. It doesn’t elevate or diminish either party in any way.
I’ve had a few subs, none of them I viewed in any way differently, so anecdotally and in my experience/opinion, no |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think some men think women want to be pounded and will be excited by the offer. The offer of a pounding to my mind is better than the "I'm in your area, fancy meeting up". At least the offer of a pounding is offering something (whether or not anyone wants it). The "in in your area" is offering nothing, just hoping for fuck.
The majority of the men we ignore/ block come across as not interested in anything or anyone other than emptying their balls. Is this conditioning? Porn? Or just the way some people are? Selfishness certainly isn't limited to one sex or the other though it is almost certainly mediated by social expectations and conditioning.
These same men will often play the game irl and behave in a way that they think is more likely to get what they want just the she way some women will play the game to get what they want from a man (there's been plenty of women in these forums that happily admit to their tits getting them free drinks for instance). This place isn't real life though so people feel less need to pretend.
Mr |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I don’t think submission (or dominant) traits in the bedroom is about confidence, self worth, ability etc. In my experience people from this sexual perspective can be high or low in any of these. What does intrest me as a society we tend to be far more comfortable with women being submissive and men being dominant. (Generalisation alert) we tend to see female submission as hot and male submission as something to be sniggered at (hopefully not anyone on here but in wider society). In my experience on the scene lots of men tend to have an enjoyment of submission too but they tend to keep that very personal. Thats why I think the majority of people regardless of gender like submission to some degree. So why the imbalance in our attitudes to submission based on gender? And how do these societal attitudes affect the balance of power rolls based on the feminity of someone's gender? I think this is also what OP is asking and not trying to suggest that submission is a trait of any kind of weakness or inferiority. Just simply the origins of visibility of this imbalance. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don’t think submission (or dominant) traits in the bedroom is about confidence, self worth, ability etc. In my experience people from this sexual perspective can be high or low in any of these. What does intrest me as a society we tend to be far more comfortable with women being submissive and men being dominant. (Generalisation alert) we tend to see female submission as hot and male submission as something to be sniggered at (hopefully not anyone on here but in wider society). In my experience on the scene lots of men tend to have an enjoyment of submission too but they tend to keep that very personal. Thats why I think the majority of people regardless of gender like submission to some degree. So why the imbalance in our attitudes to submission based on gender? And how do these societal attitudes affect the balance of power rolls based on the feminity of someone's gender? I think this is also what OP is asking and not trying to suggest that submission is a trait of any kind of weakness or inferiority. Just simply the origins of visibility of this imbalance."
Very well put.. you expressed it better than me. I’m certainly not suggesting that submission is weakness or inferiority. Or that women don’t enjoy that role.. more that it seems more skewed to women being submissive. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I don’t think submission (or dominant) traits in the bedroom is about confidence, self worth, ability etc. In my experience people from this sexual perspective can be high or low in any of these. What does intrest me as a society we tend to be far more comfortable with women being submissive and men being dominant. (Generalisation alert) we tend to see female submission as hot and male submission as something to be sniggered at (hopefully not anyone on here but in wider society). In my experience on the scene lots of men tend to have an enjoyment of submission too but they tend to keep that very personal. Thats why I think the majority of people regardless of gender like submission to some degree. So why the imbalance in our attitudes to submission based on gender? And how do these societal attitudes affect the balance of power rolls based on the feminity of someone's gender? I think this is also what OP is asking and not trying to suggest that submission is a trait of any kind of weakness or inferiority. Just simply the origins of visibility of this imbalance.
Very well put.. you expressed it better than me. I’m certainly not suggesting that submission is weakness or inferiority. Or that women don’t enjoy that role.. more that it seems more skewed to women being submissive."
To me the obvious smoking gun is gender norms and our society as a whole. Because we're far more comfortable and accepting with feminine submission it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and thus continues to play out this way I think. Maybe it is more complex and there are other ideas why? I'd love to hear some other opinion. Maybe it is more biological that I suspect it to be? I have little knowledge of the biological aspect.
It's not something I knock, sexuality should be a sacred and a protected space regardless of the origins even if they come from a negative aspect of society. This is also how I feel when people have racial preferences on here. I believe there otfen is an element subconscious racism going on based on socialisation and life experience. I say racism in a very technical sense, most wouldn't veiw them self as racist and neither would I per se. Just intresting to the background of this preference. Likewise sexual preference can be shaped by previous abuse or trauma. But it's everyone's right to only have sex with the people they desire and in the way they desire regardless of the deep seated origin of their desires (within in legal and consenting perimeters of couse). Sexual desire however deviant (with a couple of very obvious exceptions) is perfectly fine and perfectly human. Many of us are freaks in one way or another and that how I like it.
To me its a really intresting question. I think some find the question uncomfortable because it exposes gender imbalance. To to expose that ballance is not to say ha ha women are rubbish, it to say our world is still not equal. As I get older and the more women I have in my life the more I understand this is a very different world for a woman than it is a man. I don't think a lot of men really get to have a good grasp of how different it is. And this is not necessarily their fault as such. But I don't think in exposing this dynamic we say feminine genders are lesser. It's just intresting to understand origin and to not put our heads in the sand about the dynamics of wider society based on gender. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don’t think submission (or dominant) traits in the bedroom is about confidence, self worth, ability etc. In my experience people from this sexual perspective can be high or low in any of these. What does intrest me as a society we tend to be far more comfortable with women being submissive and men being dominant. (Generalisation alert) we tend to see female submission as hot and male submission as something to be sniggered at (hopefully not anyone on here but in wider society). In my experience on the scene lots of men tend to have an enjoyment of submission too but they tend to keep that very personal. Thats why I think the majority of people regardless of gender like submission to some degree. So why the imbalance in our attitudes to submission based on gender? And how do these societal attitudes affect the balance of power rolls based on the feminity of someone's gender? I think this is also what OP is asking and not trying to suggest that submission is a trait of any kind of weakness or inferiority. Just simply the origins of visibility of this imbalance.
Very well put.. you expressed it better than me. I’m certainly not suggesting that submission is weakness or inferiority. Or that women don’t enjoy that role.. more that it seems more skewed to women being submissive.
To me the obvious smoking gun is gender norms and our society as a whole. Because we're far more comfortable and accepting with feminine submission it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and thus continues to play out this way I think. Maybe it is more complex and there are other ideas why? I'd love to hear some other opinion. Maybe it is more biological that I suspect it to be? I have little knowledge of the biological aspect.
It's not something I knock, sexuality should be a sacred and a protected space regardless of the origins even if they come from a negative aspect of society. This is also how I feel when people have racial preferences on here. I believe there otfen is an element subconscious racism going on based on socialisation and life experience. I say racism in a very technical sense, most wouldn't veiw them self as racist and neither would I per se. Just intresting to the background of this preference. Likewise sexual preference can be shaped by previous abuse or trauma. But it's everyone's right to only have sex with the people they desire and in the way they desire regardless of the deep seated origin of their desires (within in legal and consenting perimeters of couse). Sexual desire however deviant (with a couple of very obvious exceptions) is perfectly fine and perfectly human. Many of us are freaks in one way or another and that how I like it.
To me its a really intresting question. I think some find the question uncomfortable because it exposes gender imbalance. To to expose that ballance is not to say ha ha women are rubbish, it to say our world is still not equal. As I get older and the more women I have in my life the more I understand this is a very different world for a woman than it is a man. I don't think a lot of men really get to have a good grasp of how different it is. And this is not necessarily their fault as such. But I don't think in exposing this dynamic we say feminine genders are lesser. It's just intresting to understand origin and to not put our heads in the sand about the dynamics of wider society based on gender."
In think you raise some very good points there - this one in particular -
Sexual desire however deviant (with a couple of very obvious exceptions) is perfectly fine and perfectly human.
It wasn't so long ago that homosexuality would have been included in those "very obvious exceptions" so what is it that makes them obvious? I would contend that far from being what society at any given time deems to be acceptable, the *only* parameter is consent - and this includes the clear legal position that a person needs to be a certain age in order to consent.
With this in mind, as several have said in these threads, "you do you". Who cares what a person wants, so long as they are consenting and not coerced then they are free to enjoy whatever they like.
Mr |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don’t think submission (or dominant) traits in the bedroom is about confidence, self worth, ability etc. In my experience people from this sexual perspective can be high or low in any of these. What does intrest me as a society we tend to be far more comfortable with women being submissive and men being dominant. (Generalisation alert) we tend to see female submission as hot and male submission as something to be sniggered at (hopefully not anyone on here but in wider society). In my experience on the scene lots of men tend to have an enjoyment of submission too but they tend to keep that very personal. Thats why I think the majority of people regardless of gender like submission to some degree. So why the imbalance in our attitudes to submission based on gender? And how do these societal attitudes affect the balance of power rolls based on the feminity of someone's gender? I think this is also what OP is asking and not trying to suggest that submission is a trait of any kind of weakness or inferiority. Just simply the origins of visibility of this imbalance.
Very well put.. you expressed it better than me. I’m certainly not suggesting that submission is weakness or inferiority. Or that women don’t enjoy that role.. more that it seems more skewed to women being submissive.
To me the obvious smoking gun is gender norms and our society as a whole. Because we're far more comfortable and accepting with feminine submission it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and thus continues to play out this way I think. Maybe it is more complex and there are other ideas why? I'd love to hear some other opinion. Maybe it is more biological that I suspect it to be? I have little knowledge of the biological aspect.
It's not something I knock, sexuality should be a sacred and a protected space regardless of the origins even if they come from a negative aspect of society. This is also how I feel when people have racial preferences on here. I believe there otfen is an element subconscious racism going on based on socialisation and life experience. I say racism in a very technical sense, most wouldn't veiw them self as racist and neither would I per se. Just intresting to the background of this preference. Likewise sexual preference can be shaped by previous abuse or trauma. But it's everyone's right to only have sex with the people they desire and in the way they desire regardless of the deep seated origin of their desires (within in legal and consenting perimeters of couse). Sexual desire however deviant (with a couple of very obvious exceptions) is perfectly fine and perfectly human. Many of us are freaks in one way or another and that how I like it.
To me its a really intresting question. I think some find the question uncomfortable because it exposes gender imbalance. To to expose that ballance is not to say ha ha women are rubbish, it to say our world is still not equal. As I get older and the more women I have in my life the more I understand this is a very different world for a woman than it is a man. I don't think a lot of men really get to have a good grasp of how different it is. And this is not necessarily their fault as such. But I don't think in exposing this dynamic we say feminine genders are lesser. It's just intresting to understand origin and to not put our heads in the sand about the dynamics of wider society based on gender."
Yours nicely put together.....
This still screams to me - lack of variety in a social capacity and unwilling to experiment further (sexually) than their normal behaviour! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"……
So particularly relevant to this site.. us women get lots of messages saying things like..
‘I’d love to pound you with my hard cock and fill you with my heavy load’
And variations on this theme.
Which suggest that some (not all or even many) men view women as receptacles for their pleasure (That sounds so gross saying it but you get the point) and our pleasure is not at the forefront..
Whereas I bet there are not many women who send similar first messages such as
‘I wanna sit on your face, ride you hard until I cover your face in my cum’
…..
Let’s continue this discussion.."
Girls are shy. I love to see or hear sexual confidence from a girl (or a guy) but there’s a fine line that can easily cross into crassness or vulgarity. And I will repeat ‘know your audience’. Knowing who you are talking to and how they would respond to is key to good communication.
Also timing, if she was to whisper that to me when I was horny, she’d get a better reaction than sending a text when I am busy working.
So, do I think it’s a great idea being direct with a stranger on fab? No. Not for me.
*just my opinion.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
